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March 20, 2015

Pulling the plug – a notary story

There the notary was, at this ghastly scene. They were all standing over this person’s body. He was in a coma you see.

HUSBAND: Should we pull the plug?

WIFE: Over my dead body!

HUSBAND: Well, it is going to be Harold’s dead body, not yours. He hasn’t budged an inch in over a year. Seriously. We are playing God here, and it just isn’t right. He’s not coming back.

WIFE: But, what if he does. Pulling the plug would be murder.

HUSBAND: Not exactly, we are artificially keeping him alive. By pulling the plug, he can still live if his body permits him too.

NOTARY: This reminds me of Star Wars where Han Solo almost gets frozen for thousands of years. Or did he get frozen. It was so long ago that I…

WIFE: Oh my God, where did you find this Notary?

HUSBAND: Well, I found him on 123notary.com. But, I don’t think we should blame 123notary for this guy’s inability to stay out of touchy conversations about touchy topics.

WIFE: Well, maybe 123notary should have a search filter for notaries who don’t blurt out stupid inappropriate things.

NOTARY: Oh gee, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. By the way, I hope you don’t want me to notarize Harold. I know he is appearing before me, but he doesn’t seem to be able to hold a pen, or have much of a conversation.

WIFE: No, you are notarizing our decision whether or not to pull the plug.

NOTARY: Got it. (to Harold) Hey Harold, what do you think about that?

HAROLD: (doesn’t budge an inch)

HUSBAND: So, are we going to sign this or not.

NOTARY: You know with coma patients, I just wonder if their soul leaves their body. Some people with cancer say they feel their body is a prison. Harold must be having the time of his life — hmm…. bad choice of words. He must be having a great out-of-body experience. I heard that is cool.

WIFE: There he goes again. This is not a situation for you to comment on.

HUSBAND: Well, we did invite him here when we were not ready — so, that one’s on us.

NOTARY: Finally, a customer who acknowledges that my time actually does have a value. You better make up your mind fast, before I have an out-of-body experience. Just don’t use my stamp if that happens — that would be a felony!

WIFE: Don’t worry, we won’t.

HUSBAND: So, do we pull the plug, or not.

WIFE: I can’t make up my mind.

HUSBAND: Well, spend a few minutes and think about it. The doctor said that the chance of him coming back are less than 1%.

(5 minutes later after some deep though)

WIFE: Should we have a medium come and try to communicate with Harold?

NOTARY: If you do, make sure the medium doesn’t charge you for waiting time, otherwise you’ll owe him a fortune!

HUSBAND: I think we should just make up our minds — just the two of us

NOTARY: Actually, technically, there are three of us.

WIFE: What is it with this guy? Okay… Let’s pull the plug.

NOTARY: Oh, wow, what’s that over there (looking at the elaborate fish tank — he trips over the IV tube) Oooops… Gee, I’m sorry.

HAROLD: (Opening his eyes) Uhhhh?

WIFE: He’s alive… He’s talking. Get that IV back in him. That careless Notary pulled the plug by tripping on it!

NOTARY: It was an accident, but you said you wanted to pull the plug. But, maybe this is a good thing. After all, you got the sign that you’ve been waiting for.

WIFE: Okay, plug him back in.

(a year later)

WIFE: Harold hasn’t budged since we pulled the plug. Maybe the only way to get him to be alive is to pull the plug.

HUSBAND: Yeah, maybe we should hire that same Notary. He was the only one who could wake Harold up.

NOTARY: I’m here… but, this time you are paying waiting time fees up front. I have wised up!

HUSBAND: Okay, this is for last year’s waiting time, and this is for the first 20 minutes of watching my wife be indecisive.

NOTARY: That’s more like it. So, are you ready to sign now?

HUSBAND: Yes, but first, what’s that over there? (trips on the IV)

WIFE: Now, you’re doing it. Someone’s always tripping on that IV line.

HAROLD: Uhhh… (lifts his head up) here we go again… (thud, as head falls down)

HUSBAND: The heart beat reader. There’s no pulse… Harold is officially dead now.

NOTARY: Just sign here… and sign the journal. Harold, you can sign here… just kidding. (Harold’s hand falls off the bed)

WIFE: Harold’s arm just went down. Is that another sign?

HUSBAND: At this point, I don’t know what to make of all these signs. (to Notary) Do you have a card?

NOTARY: Here’s my card. I also do Weddings and Bar-Mitzvahs.

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You might also like:

NotariesWithPulses.com
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16620

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