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November 17, 2016

Can you sign in your sleep? What would that be like?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 11:48 pm

Some Notaries claim they are so good, that they can sign in their sleep. These are the same Notaries that have a waterproof phone that they can take in the shower with them. They could probably sign in the shower if you had a waterproof Grant Deed, or a Grant Deed to a waterproof property.

BORROWER: Is the house waterproof?

LENDER: Yes, it is completely waterproof as long as you keep the windows closed.

Then there are signing agents that are so good that they can sign while drunk, or think they can. One Notary was so drunk that he stamped a document twice, but since he was seeing double, he saw four stamp impressions and four borrowers — so it all worked out!

But, signing in your sleep? I’m looking for signing agents that are so good that they can pass my certification test in their sleep. One claimed that they didn’t “need” to because they already knew it all. Then they took my test and got a 40%. So much for knowing it all – while you are awake.

TEST GIVER: If a loan is signed on a Saturday, how many days does the borrower have to rescind on a residential non-investment refinance.

NOTARY: Wednes (snore) day… I’m falling…. I love you. Last night meant everything to me

TEST GIVER: Ummm. We are giving a test here?

NOTARY: Are you testing my love? (snore)

TEST GIVER: No, I’m testing your ability to do Notary work in your sleep.

NOTARY: Oh my God, I’m naked, and everyone in the mall is looking at me.

TEST GIVER: We’re not in a mall, and you feel naked because you are insecure about taking my test.

NOTARY: Winter jackets with fur, I’ll buy a whole store full of them and then fly and hover above my house. How can I be 100 feet above the ground. What if I fall?

TEST GIVER: Let’s go on to the next question. What is a Subordination Agreement?

NOTARY: That secures which loan takes priority in a pecking order. If the borrower defaults, the loan with priority listed in the Subordination Agreement (snore) gets paid first and then oh my God, God does exist — he’s talking to me (snore…)

TEST GIVER: If God were looking for his prepayment penalty, which document does it make sense to look for it first?

NOTARY: I don’t believe in …. prepayment penalties. I can’t (snore…) that they exist. Check the (snore…)

TEST GIVER: Yes???

NOTARY: Note first, and then the Clothing Disrobe-sure.

TEST GIVER: You mean the Closing Disclosure

NOTARY: Where are my clothes? How come I’m naked again? I was wearing a three piece suit a minute ago.

TEST GIVER: It is because you’re having a dream. It’s not real.

NOTARY: Well if dreams are not real, the how come dreams exist? They seem pretty real (snore…) while they are happening. Dreams are reality while you are dreaming, and reality is a dream when you are realitying.

TEST GIVER: Interesting Buddhist philosophy, In any case, you passed a shorter version of my test in your sleep. Our next test will be on dream symbology. Some people are so good at it that they literally interpret parts of their dreams while the dream is happening.

NOTARY: You’re dreaming (snore…)

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