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October 12, 2016

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries — comedy edition

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Man, what’s the difference between white Notaries and black Notaries? I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a Notary until I was 19 and had to get a car title notarized. That was six months after I found out that isn’t is another way of saying ain’t. I would just assume that a bruthah would sign more smoothly than a white Notary.

CHRIS ROCK: In an ideal world, a white Notary would witness signatures, but a black Notary would have a body camera to make sure of what he witnessed.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: You’re making the Notary sound like the Dallas Police force. If I were a black Notary, I’d be more worried about being pulled over by the police. “Registration and Notary seal please, you know the drill.”

CHRIS ROCK: Yeah, but if Notaries were really like police, at loan signings, they would say, “Now reach for your ID, nice and slow — no sudden movements.” while they had the borrowers at gunpoint. I can’t imagine a signing like that — unless it happened in Detroit.

JERRY SEINFELD: And if you did a signing by X, if you knew who the signer had been seeing while married to his ex, then you’d know why she became an ex.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: I don’t think that signing by x is exactly like that, but I’m digging the way you think.

CHRIS ROCK: And by the way — black Notary lives matter, especially if they’re listed on 123notary.

JERRY SEINFELD: But, if you’re signing with an X, you didn’t come from the greatest school, unless you’re Malcolm X.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: With my luck, the minute I became commissioned as a Notary and got in my vehicle, within minutes of leaving the county clerk after taking my Oath, I’d probably get my ass pulled over by the Notary Police — but, for what I don’t know.

POLICE: Do you know how fast you were signing, son? Can I see your Notary Seal Please?

EDDIE GRIFFIN: I just got my Notary commission, I haven’t even used it yet. How come you didn’t pull that white Notary over?

POLICE: We don’t judge a Notary by the color of his ink, but by the content of his character.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, you’re a character all right.

POLICE: And by the way, the paper might always be white, but the ink is always black which in my opinion kind of evens the score.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, some things ain’t never gonna change.

POLICE: We just wanted to make sure you weren’t notarizing by text and driving at the same time. Just a routine check.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, stoppin’ brothers. What could be more routine than that?

JERRY SEINFELD: So, what’s the deal with white Notaries?

CHRIS ROCK: Isn’t that redundant? That’s even whiter than Conan O’Brien’s non-tan lines.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Man, what is it with white Notaries, ya know what I’m saying? I bet a white Notary would go to a signing in his nice family SUV, and he would park on the street just to be polite. And then he would knock on the door being exactly on time and say, “Hi, my name is Mike — I’m white, and I’m happy and I’ll be your Notary today.” I don’t want to white-wash this, but that’s how I see it.

CONAN O’BRIEN: Yeah, I bet if it were a black Notary he would say, “Hi, I’m Jermaine, and I’m the Notary with the smooth conversation. Check out this alligator skin briefcase. And you’d never believe the story behind it. I was down the street at my brother’s house and his kids were playing in the back yard. Then an alligator came out of nowhere — we live in Florida by the way. I rushed out at ninja speed to get those kids out the yard and got there just in time before that gator damn near bit my nephew’s arm off. Then, I drove home a block away and came back with my samurai sword. I bought it in Tokyo during a vacation and had it shipped to me as a decorative piece. I never dreamed that antique sword from the Mei-Jin period that was used by the great Zatoichi would ever be used again for practical purposes. So, I ran into the backyard with my samurai sword and said — hayyyyyaaa!!!! And I done chopped the gator’s jowels off. I sold the meat to a local taco place and had my neighbor make a briefcase out of it.

And… I got the smoothest pens you ever signed with. They’re like butter. These cost $200 and no — you may not keep them. But, enjoy the signing experience, my stories, and enjoy the ride. By the way — my ride is a stretch limo that I have parked outside. We can continue the signing there if you prefer — drinks included, but not until after you finish signing. And remember — sign responsibly!”

CHRIS ROCK: Yo Conan, you rock!

CONAN O’BRIEN: Ha ha, I’m a brutha with some street knowledge! And by the way, you not only rock, you are a Rock!

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Conan’s a brutha now? What????

JERRY SEINFELD: Black, white, yellow, brown, orange – believe me, none of us are happy.

EDDIE GRIFFIN: Brother, you just made me happy to hear that.

.

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9 Comments »

  1. I take EXCEPTION to your article! We have way too many race issues in this country & now you are feeding them. VERY SICK TOPIC; EVEN FOR YOU !!! As far as I am concerned, you just LOST my respect!

    Comment by Walter Hertz — November 5, 2016 @ 3:38 am

  2. This posted article is in very poor taste. What was the whole point? This was not funny at all to me. I have always been taught and have lived by the fact that we are all equal. Comedians years ago may have gotten away with this type of humor, but I thought we were past jokes about someone’s color or ethnicity, especially on your Notary123 website, which is very public. In my opinion, you should remove this post before offending any other readers.

    Comment by Becky Vennesland — November 7, 2016 @ 11:20 pm

  3. Totally not funny. As a black female notary in metro DETROIT

    Comment by Tnisha Chatman — November 9, 2016 @ 6:57 pm

  4. Within the last few days, I applauded a bit of humor on this site. I thought it was grand to see it mixed with the notary world.

    Yesterday, I heard about this article, and I came to see what the fuss was about.

    My opinion: Stick to the other stuff. This article and its intended humor is hard for me to understand since I don’t watch a lot of television. I lost interest after I realized I didn’t know who EDDIE GRIFFIN was. (First line or so?) I know it’s upset people about a topic that’s too important to discuss without grave respect and sensitivity…not right now.

    On the other hand, to the notaries out there reading this and feeling upset, here’s the thing…the article is making 123 more appealing to Google because it is generating hits, so the controversial material serves a purpose to 123 Members.

    Unfortunately, the ultimate price of how it might have made people feel might be higher than members (or anyone) wanted to pay.

    Thank you.

    Brenda Stone

    Comment by Brenda Stone — November 13, 2016 @ 10:15 pm

  5. Hands down, the rudest and most insensitive post I have ever seen. Whether it was meant in humour or not, it’s just unprofessional. Stick to real stuff worth reading.

    Julie — White Notary (not that it matters)

    Comment by Julie Brickley — January 6, 2017 @ 9:47 pm

  6. Omg….it’s freaking humor.
    “You people” Are so freaking uptight!!

    Comment by Lashanda — January 6, 2017 @ 10:14 pm

  7. This is the most unprofessional post I have read in a while considering we as representatives of the entrepreneur industry. In my opinion it needs to be removed by administrators of the site unless…….

    Comment by Georgia — January 7, 2017 @ 12:30 pm

  8. Another totally offensive article by Notary123..,,……Your articles are showing your true colors and unprofessional and I would not want to be associated with a company such as yours.. We are already so divided as a country thanks to the alleged winner of the most recent election…..stop making it worse

    Comment by Diane Webb — January 7, 2017 @ 6:18 pm

  9. What is the purpose of posting such a article on a site I considered serious business. I failed to see the humor. Find something funny Our country is a joke with Chump elect for the United States. We can’t even laugh about that because it’s no joke.

    Comment by Arlene Vincent — January 7, 2017 @ 8:05 pm

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