GPS: You will be approaching the Deed of Trust in 3 seconds… You have arrived at your destination.
MARCY: Well, I’m a new notary, so what do I do now?
GPS: What do you think is next, do you want me to tell you to wash your hair and then repeat?
MARCY: I’m sorry, could you repeat that?
GPS: Never mind. Have the borrower initial all of the pages of the Deed of Trust in the small horizontal line in the bottom corner.
MARCY: But, this has 15 pages!
GPS: You heard me girl.
MARCY: Okay, we are going to sign the Note now, and then these other documents…. Okay, we finished signing the HUD-1.
GPS: You go girl! Okay, now let’s take a look at that Flood Affidavit.
MARCY: Gee, the app says you can explain this to me in Chinese, but I don’t speak Chinese. Hmm, I wonder what happens if.
GPS: Qing ni zai qian ge ming zai zui hou de ye.
MARCY: Yet another thing that was made in China. I better switch it back to Chantelle.
GPS: Do you realize what you just did?
MARCY: Yeah, I switched you to Li-Wen for 30 seconds. I didn’t know what that button did.
GPS: Well, you should be more careful. That app doesn’t exactly steer you towards the nearest Chinese restaurant, and if it did, it would steer you to the type of restaurants with dishes that the owner says, “you no like.”
MARCY: I think you’re right. I went to one of those restaurants. I ordered something called “zhu chang” and the owner said, “You no like.” I asked what it was and he said, “Pig intestine with ox brain.” And I said, you’re right, I no like! And then he said, “you think you no like? how you think ox felt?” And then I said, “You’ve got a point. Let’s stick to kung pao!”
GPS: Yeah, and if you had kept on with Li-Wen, should wouldn’t direct you to the fork in the road. She would have directed you to the chopsticks in the road. Then, you’d really be in trouble!
MARCY: Yeah, because I don’t know how to use chopsticks.
GPS: Yeah, but Li-Wen could probably hook you up with some training sticks.
SIGNER: Less talk, more signing please.
GPS: I saw that in a fortune cookie once.
SIGNER: Gee, Chantelle, you do seem to know a lot about China for a GPS. Have you been to China?
GPS: Honey, I was born in China. My parents were nine year old kids who didn’t get decent child labor laws for Christmas.
SIGNER: So, you grew up in Peking, not Pittsburg.
MARCY: Gee, I never thought of you as Chinese.
GPS: Well, think again! I grew up in the basement of a electronics chop shop in An-Hui province. I got plenty of love, but my parents were mad at me for not being a boy.
MARCY: Well, couldn’t they have made you into a boy?
GPS: Don’t think they didn’t try! They didn’t have the voice overs to do that, so they were stuck with what they had. And they had to keep me due to the one-child policy.
SIGNER: Well you seem very polite.
GPS: I had to be. My parents said that if I acted up, they would export me.
MARCY: It’s fun talking to you, but honestly, the way you explain the documents isn’t thorough enough. The app literature claimed that you would be a lot more detailed in your instructions.
GPS: Well if you don’t like it, then you can kiss my app!
MARCY: Well, I’m new at this, so I need a little more mentoring.
GPS: Fine. Have it your way. I’m auto-switching you to Charles. You’ll be sorry now.
CHARLES: (British Accent) Hello, this is Charles.
MARCY: Oh, you sound Brittish. So, what’s the next step in this signing?
CHARLES: Well, if you were Queen Latifah, I would courtsey.
MARCY: No, the signing. We just signed the Flood Disclosure.
CHARLES: Well, just sign the other documents and be done with it.
MARCY: Don’t you understand loan signing?
CHARLES: Well, there’s nothing to know actually. You just sign as your name is printed, and that is that!
SIGNER: I don’t know why Marcy opened her big mouth, but we were much better off with Chantel.
CHARLES: This was the way I was programmed.
MARCY: Well, we need more than this, and the app we bought was guaranteed to be thorough in its descriptions of documents.
CHARLES: Well if that’s the way you feel then Cherio. I’m switching you to Li-Wen.
LI-WEN: Ni hao, wo jiao li-wen. Wo zen-me ke-yi bang zhu ni?
MARCY: Do you speak English?
LI-WEN: Sorry, no English.
MARCY: The app said that the voices would be in English.
LI-WEN: Not all of them. 1.3 billion people speak Chinese these day.
MARCY: Well this is not going to work.
LI-WEN: If you no like, then — Honey, you can kiss my app!
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You might also like:
Affiant: A social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410
Apps that Notaries never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311
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How to spot fake ID at a notarization
Most Notaries study Notary law. But, do we keep handbooks that are up to date about spotting fake ID’s? Perhaps we should . Our primary task as a Notary is not to make people feel good, and is not to get the job done either. It is to identify signers and make sure that fraud doesn’t take place. It is better to say “no” rather than to get a Notary job done wrong — hence the name “no”–tary. Otherwise we would be yestaries and the world would go down the tubes.
ID Handbooks
The NNA and other vendors have books going over every state’s identification documents. They can tell you about distinguishing features, new watermarks, and other telltale signs that the ID is genuine.
Jeremy’s Solution — an online ID database
Personally, I think there should be a computer system to let the Notary look you up on a Federal or state database — but, that’s just me.
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Things to look for one the ID
(1) Physical Description
Sometimes the physical description doesn’t match the signer. With ladies changing their hairstyle frequently, it is hard to tell their identity.
(2) Mispellings
Then, there could be misspellings in the name or a wrong name variation.
(3) Tampering
Obvious signs of tampering are almost a guarantee of a fake ID. I saw one of those once and only once.
(4) Watermarks
Finally watermarks are used in identification documents and currency to prove authenticity. It is possible, but hard for a fraud to replicate an authentic watermark. In China I’m sure they’ll figure it out as faking things is their specialty. But, for the rest of us it would not be so easy.
(5) Lack of raised lettering
Many of the newer ID’s have raised lettering. However, without a guidebook, you won’t know which states and which identification years of issue have raised letters.
(6) What’s your sign?
Ask the signer their sign. If they are using a fake ID with wrong DOB it will be very difficult for them to immediately recite their sign. You can also ask for their zip code to spot a fraud.
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Most Notaries do not inspect ID’s carefully. They just record the information in their journal. Unless something fake is jumping out at them, they will not notice that something is wrong. It pays to get a handbook and become and expert. After all, the whole point of being a Notary is to deter fraud. In my opinion, each state’s Notary division should require all Notaries to be experts at spotting fake ID’s in addition to other critical related skills. Maybe one day technology and training will improve.
Smokey bear says — say no to forest fires. Notary Jer says — say no to fake notary identifications — if you can spot them.
You might also like:
Seven error free ways to identify a signer
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15288
Notarized document expired identification
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8294