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May 27, 2016

Notary Indian Tandoori Restaurant

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 9:56 pm

Welcome to the Notary Indian Restaurant where you have the right to cancel your curry within three minutes of receiving it if it is not spicy enough. The multi-state masala is another favorite of our customers. Try it with goat, lamb, chicken or any other animal that goes baah… baah… But, not beef as that is against our religion! Below are some favorite dishes.

Affidavit of Naan-Compliance — (available with garlic or onion naan as well.)
Subscribing Samosas
Prepayment Pakoras
Piggy Back Pilaf — (not made with real pig as that is against our religion too!)
Mortgage Makhani
Square Naans with imprints of cast iron Notary seals (cooked in a tandoori clay oven)
Kommission Kabobs (enjoy them until the end of your commission.)
Duress Dosas — (this is South Indian food that is normally force fed to guests, hence the name)
Initialed Idlis — (made in the shape of letters, hence the name)
Unsubscribing Witness Uthapam — (South Indian too, pure vegetarian. If you don’t like them, just unsubscribe)

You can also adjust the spice level. But, since there are so many different standards for spicing, there has been some controversy. The Notary Indian Restaurant was found guilty of cultural profiling. A Southerner went in an ordered food medium, but found it was only mild because the waiter thought he couldn’t handle it. Then an Indian guy went in and ordered a dish medium and got it so spicy hot he couldn’t finish it without ten glasses of water and two yogurt drinks. Finally, the department of spice and safety had to come over and set some standards. Now there are different scales of spiciness, and all on a scale of one to ten. There is:

On a scale of 1-10:
American South — the most mild standards in the industry.
California — this standard is milder than Punjab by two notches, but more adventurous than the South.
Punjab — (Punjab is in the middle of spiciness standards unlike Pune which makes everything far too spicy.)
Mexico — just as long as they don’t use habanero, Mexico is quite handleable.
Thailand — this standard is hot, but still not as bad as Pune.
Pune — Pune is in West India near Mumbai. 1 is medium, 2 is deadly, 3 is ulcer, and 4-10 are ulcer times three!!!

WAITER: And yes, how hot would you like your food?

CUSTOMER: Medium +

WAITER: Is that medium plus based on Alabama Standards, California, Punjab, Mexico, Thailand or Pune, not that you’ve ever been to Pune.

CUSTOMER: I have been to Pune and have the ulcers to prove it. Just ask for my medical report. I think that Punjab in North India should be the world standards for spiciness since they are right in the middle of the six official standards!

WAITER: Agreed. So Punjabi level 6 spicing, will that be okay?

CUSTOMER: Yes, but you will have to fill out the affidavit of spiciness.

WAITER: We already have one filled out sir. Here it is.

CUSTOMER: Yeah, but did you have it Notarized?

WAITER: But, of course

CUSTOMER: By 123notary?

WAITER: Well no…

CUSTOMER: Then, I can’t eat that curry. We’ll see ya’ll later!

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1 Comment »

  1. Hahahaha , that was hilarious. Loved the write up. Being from India, I can testify/ subscribe——- under penalty of perjury of course! ——— that this had a most authentic flavor and just the right amount of spice in it. My ” acknowledgment” is pretty genuine, and I don’t need two credible witnesses to certify my statement!
    Anyways guys loved it, I could almost taste the food and HEAR our gr8 Indian accent as well 😀
    By the way I wont charge any traveling fee when I visit this restaurant 😉

    Comment by Raj Sahu — June 13, 2016 @ 8:10 am

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