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June 1, 2019

LA COUNTY – Traffic ideas

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:54 am

Dear County / City of Los Angeles,
My name is Jeremy Belmont. i have lived in this county for 20 years. I love it here, but you have some serious logistical problems. In this article, I will show that there are several principals that can be applied to traffic retrofitting that are easy, low in cost, and effective. Additionally, there are other techniques which might be more invasive and costly that also could prove optimal in certain specific situations. I will divide this article into sections and categories to make it easier to digest.

Categories.
1. Earthquake preparedness
2. Bicycle & Scooter issues
3. Quick retrofitting for roads & intersections
4. Non-invasive large scale solutions
5. Invasive and costly solutions to serious traffic snags.
6. Downtown considerations

Category 1. Earthquake preparedness.
We live in a city that is prone to earthquakes. Yet since I have been here, we have not had anything more than a tremor. In the event of an unexpected earthquake (such as if mother nature forgets to send a memo), Los Angeles traffic could be crippled not for days, but for years. Highway bridges and overpasses on the 405 and other highways are the most vulnerable crux in our traffic system. Should there be a bad earthquake, and these bridges fall, it could take years to get them all fixed.

My solution is to start fixing the problem long before there is a problem. The worst issue is traffic going over the hill into the valley. East-West traffic from Los Angeles to Santa Monica is another huge issue. Having wide routes that go through the hills that are surface streets makes sense because those will be stable in an earthquake. Such an idea will be unpopular with the local residents as it will tear up their hills, however, for the general good of society it is necessary and it is also necessary to start the project as soon as possible as that may be our online lifeline to the valley. Without it it could take six hours on a good day to make it from Hollywood to Studio City — I kid you not!

Retrofitting bridges and overpasses is another idea. Having detailed plans and available resources and building materials to rebuild destroyed bridges is something to think about now and NOT after there is a problem.

Category 2. Bicycle & Scooter issues
Bicycles and scooters are very environmentally friendly modes of transportation. There are various problem associated with these modes of transportation.

1. Bicycles & Scooters are not subjected to laws regarding REAR LIGHTS.
I believe that all vehicles on any divided road (with divider or double yellow lines) should be required to obey the same laws of the road that a motorized vehicle does. The laws state that bicycles must obey the laws of the road, but these laws are not enforced much.

2. Bicycles & Scooters are not subjected to laws regarding FRONT LIGHTS
Front lights SHOULD NOT BE FLASHING as this is very disturbing. Yes it gets them noticed, but that is the only thing you notice which means that your attention is distracted which could cause death or bodily injury not to mention annoyance.

3. Bicycles & Scooters should NOT be allowed to be used on a sidewalk unless they are on a designated bike path. Bodily injury happens regularly when bikes & scooters use the sidewalk. It is also very disturbing to walk out of a building only to have a near miss with a scooter. There seems to be no law enforcement for these vehicles and this needs to change.

4. Bike Routes.
The city spends lots of money creating poorly thought out bike routes. The result is that the width of the road available for motor vehicles is restricted to allow for an occasional bike. I was on Figueroa and cars could not move. Yet there was a bike path and bikes coming on schedule every two minutes. This is an inefficient use of space. If you got a fixed fee per vehicle your aggregate revenue would go down as a result of this mis-allocation of resources.

Principals of Bike Routes
(a) Bike routes should be built in places where they will be heavily used. Usage could vary over time depending on how thoughtful the route is. A user-friendly route might experience regular increase in traffic while a dangerous and poorly thought out route might not get used much at all.

(b) Bike routes should NOT be built in places with heavy motor vehicle traffic as those roads are already congested enough. Bike routes can weave around the city and should ideally use roads that typically have light traffic. Or, if car traffic can be re-routed (which is not easy) then bikes might be more suited for streets like Figueroa.

(c) Bike highways are something that exists in Europe and might not be cost effective in America. However, bike riders who I spoke to said that a completely separated route would be attractive to them for safety reasons. A bike highway could be elevated, and only built in places with heavy bike traffic. Kiosks could be built for items that bicyclists might like. Locked parking areas for bikes would be good too.

(d) Share a bike system. These days, more and more cities are having shared vehicle systems. You can rent a scooter by the minute. You can rent a bike in Beverly Hills. These systems use apps and credit cards. It is popular, but not safe as it is not run by the city. My idea is to have the city run a simple system where you can rent a segway, bike or scooter, and use it on a separated road. You can pay a machine with cash, smart card, use an app, or use your iPhone to do the transaction. Payment flexibility is something I like. The system would be designed where you cannot run your vehicle off the established route and cannot steal the vehicles as it might be physically impossible to move them off the route (somehow… that is an engineering question… above my paygrade.)

(e) The slow vehicle route. Imagine a system where you see bikes, segways, scooters, and golf carts. These vehicles do not differ drastically in weight compared to bikes vs. cars or trucks. They go similar speeds as well. If they had their own routes that would be safe. But, to make sure you get enough traffic in the routes, having more options for payment, and vehicle choices would increase traffic. If you could pay a dollar and jump on a golf card with some other people to go two or three miles down the road, how convenient is that?

(f) If the idea of separate bike routes happens, buildings could be constructed near the bike paths where users of the system could live.

The below points are for bike routes integrated with regular roads.
(g) Cars need to turn right, but when they do, they might smash into a bicyclist.

(h) Going through intersections is dangerous as someone running a red light might hit you. For roads with bike routes that the city would like people to actually use, you need a safe way for bikes to go through intersections.

(i) Having fewer intersections on bike routes makes sense. Less intersections = less danger.

(j) Having a bike route temporarily go in the middle of the street separated by curbs would be good so that at intersections cars could be in the lane to the right and not pose a danger to the bikes. To get into that middle lane, bikes might need to cross a cross walk, or cross through heavy traffic which once again is dangerous. Streets that intersect with one way streets would pose less issues for bike traffic as bikes could travel on the left on intersections with right turn possibilities and then cross over and be on the right when the left turn avails. This way bikes would not have a conflict of interest with cars at the point of intersections. I would need to draw a diagram to clearly show this point.

The other way to do this is to have a bike route that is always in a middle lane, but have stop lights for the bikes so that the cars can turn into the right lane so that they can prepare for a turn. Using this approach the bikes would stop while the cars are going and vice versa which would cause a lot of delays. On long streets, having cross-overs only every two to three blocks would reduce time lost.

(k) Having bike fly-overs at major intersections would be safe. However, this is expensive. But, by sharing the cross over with pedestrians, scooters, etc., it might be more efficient or cost effective overall.

(l) Allowing bikes to swerve in and out of traffic, from roads to sidewalks and all over is very dangerous and a problem. Bikes need to follow rules and behave orderly.

(m) Bikes should ideally be registered and operators should need a license to operate on a divided road (i.e. with double yellow lines). This will increase the level of safety and education about the rules of the road. Right now we have anarchy which is annoying and dangerous.

Category 3. Quick Retrofitting for Roads to increase traffic.
Roads in Los Angeles are typically overused, and clogged most of the day, particularly during rush hour. There are various causes for this situation. Not having enough road space, clogged intersections, parking on major streets, valets, etc. I have a list of solutions to this type of problem.

1. Building more roads is a solution to the issue of road space. This involves knocking down large swaths of territory and destroying many homes. In the long run it would really help the city, but there would be many complaints in the short run.

2. Having multi-purpose roads is the main reason why traffic is so bad. Roads are used for driving, parking, bus stops, bikes, turning on short distance trips, and other purposes. By having certain roads focus on certain purposes, that might allow traffic to flow. If certain roads are optimized for driving straight for three or more miles, those roads would really move quickly, especially if the traffic lights were optimized. To achieve this goal, parking would need to happen on side streets or alleys and those who want to do lots of left turns should probably not use a long distance optimized road.

3. Unclogging intersections is an interesting problem. There are various ways to do this. Here are some ideas. Some of these ideas I learned about by reading about logistics and city planning on the internet.

(a) Move bus stops away from major intersections. They clog lanes so that only middle lanes can flow. Moving a bus stop a block and a quarter down the street will allow cars to get in and out of the bigger intersections and bus takers will only have to walk an extra block. I think they need the exercise, what do you think?

(b) Don’t allow parking within a block of a major intersection. Having side streets accommodate more parking is a good idea. It is common to have difficult parking restrictions on side streets to please the residents. The consequences is that that main arteries get clogged with parking and that causes traffic congestion, and causes heart attacks in humans if your arteries get blocked by plaque.

(c) Don’t allow parking on major streets in general. Traffic is safer and faster without parking.

(d) Having modified roads that can accommodate a smooth passage for utilizing the “three rights = a left” idea might be good.

(e) Additionally, right turns could be done by entering onto a ramp a block before a major intersection. You would have to knock down a few buildings for this, but it would eliminate the normal congestion at intersections caused by too many turns.

(f) Pedestrians typically cross while people are trying to turn right. this is dangerous and annoying. Having the pedestrians cross 200 feet down the road means more walking, but that reduces the amount of activity at the intersection itself which is good for safety.

(g) Pedestrians could also wait longer to cross, but then have crossing in all directions including diagonally. This would reduce the danger of cars hitting you or startling you by coming too close. This is by far the easiest of all of my suggestions.

(h) There are more complicated logistics solutions. If cards turning left turn left a block or two before the intersection onto a side street at an intersection where there is a lot less going on, and then make a right and then another left onto their main street, that is one way of reducing traffic at major intersections.

(i) Right/Left crossover sections of streets are a new method of traffic reduction that are growing in popularity. If right and left are reversed at an intersection on a cross street, then making a left turn becomes easy. Making a right turn would be more effectively done by turning off to the right a block early, going a block or two, and then making a left and then another right onto the main street which at that point would have reverted back to traffic on the right.

(j) Having rotaries at intersections or rotaries after intersections for those who want to turn around and then go a direction which would otherwise have involved a left turn… This is a way to achieve such a goal without a left turn signal, or a bridge.

(k) Having underground routes for people going through an intersection would free up road space for those doing a right or left turn.

Category 4. Non-invasive large scale solutions.
Going from downtown to Santa Monica during traffic can take forever. Just going two blocks downtown can be a nightmare due to the fact that traffic gets stuck and pedestrians are always blocking your turns which is an issue I addressed above. Building more highways is costly and there is no space. So, what is the solution? Having roads that are designed to move quickly, with optimized traffic lights makes sense. If certain roads are designed to go East quickly and other roads are designed to go West quickly, the city can move. South of the 10 freeway, there is less congestion on those roads.

My idea is to have certain streets downtown be optimized to just get cars out of the city as fast as possible with lights that keep turning green. Those roads could feed into streets South of the 10 such as Adams, etc., that could be optimized to go fast in a particular directions, again with lights that keep turning green. Whether those roads become one way or remain two way, they could focus on people going East on certain roads and West on others. Such a system would reduce load on the 10 freeway and get people where they are going in minutes instead of hours. It might also be an ideal way to get to Culver City or Torrance.

Category 5. Invasive and costly traffic solutions.
Building rotaries is expensive. Large rotaries that are bigger than what is conventional might be a real boon for fast moving traffic. This would involve tearing things down. But, would allow for a fast moving city.

One idea I had would be a rotary that is two miles in diameter with a completely rebuilt city in the middle, or the same old city in the middle. A controversial idea to be sure, but very interesting to think about.

Silver Lake near the 101 is such a place where a rotary or underground road would reduce the huge snags. There are too many intersections and roads going diagonal. The entire are is a mess that could be cleaned up with some expense. Regardless of the solution, the area’s logistics need to be simplified somehow. And there is more than one way to build a rotary. There are convoluted multi-rotaries that are connected to each other with different types of turnaround techniques too.

Hollywood & Highland and crossing over to Burbank have horrible traffic. Creating some underground routes and solutions to traffic snags that would make traffic move smoothly to Burbank would be wonderful. It would probably be possible to achieve this goal without any more bridges going over the 101

Tearing down huge swaths of buildings and creating routes that go straight through the city is controversial but would solve a lot of congestion. Bike routes could be built on these routes and maybe parking solutions as well. The city needs roads that are designed to get people across the city fast without too many intersections. Rebuilding allows for this. Additionally for bikes, long passages with no interruptions are safer and more convenient. This route could go underground near intersections as well. The problem comes when an uncongested new route interfaces with a highway that is badly congested. The uncongested route will become congested trying to take ramps onto the highway. So, what is the solution? Perhaps not connecting to the highways makes more sense. There is no sense in spending billions to create yet another traffic jam.

As a general rule, my strategy for invasive solutions would be to make a list of the city’s worst traffic snags and then to itemize them in order of how critical they are. Those areas should be worked on one by one finding the most sensible and cost effective solution on an individual basis. Cities across the United States are not known for their logistical skills, so it might be necessary to call in professionals from other areas to help with decision making skills.

Category 6. Downtown considerations.
There is too much going on downtown. Too many pedestrians clogging intersections. Too many buses, and too many cards. To simplify, if particular streets would cater to bikes, pedestrians and buses, and other streets would cater to cars, traffic might actually move. If certain streets allow pedestrians to cross without waiting long then pedestrians could move through the city with ease. You only need a few streets to be optimized for pedestrians, so they would not monopolize the whole city center. On streets optimized for cars. you might have pedestrian bridges, but pedestrians would have to wait a lot longer. This way cars could get in and out of the city.

I also like the idea of an elevated pedestrian and bike route. This way you could walk through the city without cars trying to run you down. Expensive, and the bike traffic does not merit this expense, but when you combine pedestrians which come by the thousand, it suddenly becomes a worthwhile investment.

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October 14, 2018

INDEX — Best Notary Comedy Articles 2010 to 2014

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Compilations — admin @ 11:42 pm

These posts are in order of popularity and quality.

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Funniest things that happen to signing agents
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=55

The signing from hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=765

A social media site for Notaries — Affiant
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Seinfeld episode about a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10208

Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Vampire Notaries: 24 hour service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4094

3 Notaries walk into a bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3660

Family Guy — Peter joins ISIS by mistake & needs Notarized conversion
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10507

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6867

My Date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

Two and a half Notaries! A Notarization experience
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8974

Witnessing intake forms for Notary Heaven
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8832

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Honey, I notarized the kids
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7030

Two and a Half Notaries — detering Notary fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10452

Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

Two Notaries assigned the same job
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1060

A 2nd date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7074

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May 11, 2017

Notarize App turns your iPhone into a medium to get notarized!

On the road? Need to get notarized in a hurry? Well now you can! If you have an iPhone and the notarize app, you can just get notarized over the phone. Eliminate the hassle of trying to find a Notary at the last minute. This procedure has been legal in Virginia since 2011. Just go to your App store and get the notarize app today! You can be notarized using your phone in any of the 50 states plus Washington DC.

Virginia is trying to be modern which is probably why they allow this. However, the lack of personal appearance ruins the whole point of requiring a notary!

Just upload your document using email, cloud or dropbox, or other app with similar capabilities and then prove your identity by taking a photo of your ID. Never mind that 100 signing companies also have a photo of your ID and can claim to be you! Then, you can be connected on video “face to face” (or non-face to non-face) and then the notarization will take place. There is a $25 fee per notarization and the app is FREE.

Next year they will probably come out with the Marriage App, where you can marry a nice Russian girl (no questions asked). The app will process immigration paperwork and even find a flight for your new honey to board to come to the United States. If you don’t like her, just use the new app called SwapWyfe and get a new Russian beauty (who looks good without make up).

You might also like:

See the original Notarize App article
https://9to5mac.com/2016/02/04/notarize-licensed-notary-iphone/

New Notary Apps that you really need!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9797

FASS has a brand new app
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17477

See our string on apps
http://blog.123notary.com/?s=apps

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March 24, 2017

Sharktank: Self-Driving Notary

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 8:02 am

DO YOUR JOB OR YOU COULD SEE THIS ON SHARK TANK!

First into the tank is a notary who plans to eliminate the competition.

CONTESTANT: Hello, sharks. My name is Jesse and I’m seeking $200,000 for 10% of my company, Self-Notary! Imagine eliminating the hassle of human beings showing up late for signings. Of making fun of your driver’s license picture ID. Well imagine no more! Self-Notary brings the future of automated transportation to your doorstep! So sharks, who’s ready to sign… on the dotted line?

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re talking about putting your fellow workers out of business. I’m sure they’ll want to sign all right. Your death certificate! How does this job-robbing invention of yours work?

CONTESTANT: A self-driving notary vehicle shows up at the client’s door. The signer puts his ID in the slot, scans his document, signs the online journal, puts his money in the dollar feed, and the machine sends the document.

DAYMOND: How does it get an oil change if it’s driverless?

CONTESTANT: An automated mechanic drives out to change it.

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re valuing your company at two million dollars. I assume there are SALES to report about. At least there better be.

CONTESTANT: We’re in pre-launch.

MARK: Oh. brother. And you expect us to pre-pay before we even know if it works?

LORI: What does it cost you to make, and what does it cost the client?

CONTESTANT: $100,000 a unit. And it costs the client a fee per signature plus a travel fee.

MR. WONDERFUL: That’s terrible. That’s a big nothing-burger. The day I get my money back on a deal like this is the day I need a haircut – which I haven’t needed since I became BALD! I’m out.

DAYMOND: After the notarization is finished, does the driverless car give the client a flourless cake as a thank you gift?

CONTESTANT: No, but that’s a great idea! My wife is a terrible gardener. We could eat the cake in her flower-less garden.

DAYMOND: It was MY great idea! I’m out.

BARBARA: I’ve been watching your presentation, and I think you’re a lousy salesman.

CONTESTANT: Would you swear to that?

BARBARA: Yes. But you wouldn’t be a credible witness.

LORI: So are you in, Barbara, or are you out?

BARBARA: I’m gonna make him an offer.

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re insane. I forbid you from murdering innocent money like that.

BARBARA: I’ll give you half the money you want, but you’re gonna need a lot of my help. I want 20% and I want another shark to go in on the deal.

LORI: I’ll go in on that deal with you, Barbara. 20% each. I deal with notaries who show up late all the time. I think there’s a market for automated notaries. And the human ones they put out of business can learn from the embarrassment of it and beat the automated notaries at their own game by signing up with the best of them on 123notary.com.

MR. WONDERFUL: What is this, product placement?

LORI: I get a few extra bucks for it. They don’t call me a shark for nothing. You better sign up on 123notary.com before the automated notaries do.

MR. WONDERFUL: You did it again?

LORI: Cha-ching.

Just then, the shark’s worst nightmare rolled in before their eyes!

MR. WONDERFUL: What is that monstrosity?

CONTESTANT: Oh, that’s the other product I’m working on. That’s automated you, Mr. Wonderful! Self-driving Shark!

BARBARA: Looks just like him. Especially the chrome dome.

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You might also like:

See our string of episodes of Notary Shark Tank
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=shark-tank

See our string on posts about Snapdocs
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=snapdocs

Startup Apps that could ruin the Notary business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16579

Apps that Notaries have never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

New Apps for the iPhone7 that you’ve never dreamed of
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

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October 18, 2016

FASS has a brand new app

FASS has a new Faxing App you can download. This app is so important since so much faxing is required. I don’t know how the app is used since I don’t do faxing anymore. But, the following banks below require fax backs on many of their documents. See the list.

Ditech Financial, LLC Investment, Second-Home, and Non-Rescindable properties or when notated in special Instructions, 100% of the entire package MUST BE scanned/faxed back immediately and you would need to plan your schedule accordingly.

Freedom Mortgage- certain critical documents on all Freedom signings must be scanned/faxed back immediately.

Bank of America- certain documents on all Bank of America signings must be scanned/faxed back immediately and you would need to plan your schedule accordingly.

Wells Fargo- CRITICAL DOCS on all Wells Fargo signings MUST be scanned/faxed back immediately and you would need to plan your schedule accordingly.

All other lenders: Some lenders might require critical or all documents to be faxed back on case by case bases.
***Please be sure to review the Signing Agent Checklist for faxback requirements. Documents should be scanned/faxed back within 4hrs of completion of signing.
*** You must upload all documents to the order prior to closing/completing out order. If you complete the order prior to uploading the documents, the upload feature will not be available and a traditional faxback would be required at that time. (Quality issues will not be voided.

Will this app change your life? Has anyone used it?

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You might also like?

Apps that Notaries have never heard of that could change your life!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

Are notaries becoming unsnapped?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21244

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October 16, 2016

Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compilation Updated to 2018

Back in 2015, I created a list of the most popular virual notary comedy blog entries written so far. I decided to create an updated list with some of the more popular older entries and a few newer entries that were in the top 20% of popularity in their category. Enjoy!
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ALPHABETICAL BY THEME OR POST NAME
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Animals – 20 posts about animals at signings
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3074

Apps – New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Apps – Honey you can kiss my app
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14902

Bartender Notary — a reverse mortgage on the rocks
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4080

Black Notaries vs. White Notaries Comedy String (popular)
Disclaimer: many of you are not able to discern between satire and racism and this is light-hearted satire and not demeaning to anyone. Please keep your comments polite or we will take action against you for slander.
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=black-notaries-versus-white-notaries

Children – Can I bring my 12 year old to a signing?

Can I bring my 12 year old to a signing?

Coffee — Notaries in cars getting coffee (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18945

Court – Noternity Court

Noternity Court

Dating – How Notary work is similar to online dating!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Dating – Notary Dating & romance from A to Z (compilation)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

Debate – The 2016 Notary Public Debate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16006

Disney Notary World (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18880

Driving – Notary Ed similar to Driver’s Education
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19132

Flashpoint – Notary job for a hostage with a multimillion dollar contract

Flashpoint — Notary job for a hostage with a multimillion dollar contract

George Lopez Notary Episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?s=george+lopez

Heaven & Hell Index of Posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16640

Health – Barack’s Notary-Care, are you covered?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16055

Hell – Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

Hotel – The Sleezy Notary Motel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16118

Hotel – Welcome to the Notary Hotel (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Identification – When someone does not have ID. new approaches!

What to do when someone doesn’t have their ID – new approaches

Jane the Virgin Notary (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14899

Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous Signing Companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16715

Mafia – Compilation of Mafia Related Notary Posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20352

Mafia – Tony Soprano Gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14897

Mafia – The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6867

Medical – Pulling the plug; A Notary story
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13722

Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

Notary – Are you a Yes-tery or a No-tary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16626

Notary – How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Notary – The Noterator
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19116

Notary – You know you’re a notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

Politics – A Compilation of posts about politics relating to Notaries. Posts about Trump, Hillary, Jeff Sessions, Alt-Right, Bernie, Immigration, and Guest Speakers who get harrased by college students.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20357

Politics – How Carmen dealt with some Alt-Right customers (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19092

Psychic – Psych Notary Episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?s=psych

Psychic – Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19126

Shark Tank — Self Driving Notary and other posts (popular string)
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=shark-tank

Sleep – Can you sign in your sleep? What would that be like?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18874

Social Media — Affiant: a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Space – Notary Space Station: In space, nobody can hear you sign!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18920

Suicide – Notary Suicide Hotline (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6995

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

Tourettes – Notary with Tourettes Syndrome (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18999

Train – The Notary Train
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18928

Transgender – A new acknowledgment form for transgender people

The new acknowledgment form for transgender people

Trump — Making American Notaries Great Again
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17023

Vampire Notaries – 24 hour service!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4094

Vietnam – Notarization in The Trang
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19652

Zoo – Welcome to the Notary Zoo (popular)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15994

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Best Virtual notary Comedy Compilation 2015
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15957

Compilation of best Notary sit-com episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949

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September 3, 2016

URGENT – virus RANSOMWARE info

URGENT – virus RANSOMWARE info

I just received, in the same day, 3 emails purporting to be from Amazon. The subject said that my package had been shipped. That’s strange; I’m not expecting anything from them. Of course it was a virus; and an especially nasty variant. Ransomware encrypts the contents of your hard drive and demands payment for the password to unlock the drive. If this hits you – you only have two options. Pay it ransom and “hope” they send you the password – and not ask for more money. Or, just wipe the drive and rebuild your system from “nothing”. Depending on the specific variant, the encryption can be done using either the AES 128-bit or RSA 2048-bit encryption algorithms – which are extremely difficult to break. Put in other words, unless you have the computing power of the CIA, you can’t break the code.

Regular readers know that I have been a computer person all my life, really. My personal PC has many layers of defenses. Think of a castle: high walls, archers on the ramparts, a moat, alligators in the moat, you get the idea. Well, my system has 9 layers of defenses, and those emails were not caught till layer 7. They should have never been forwarded by my Internet Service Provider – but they were. You, yes YOU need to learn how to protect yourself – or – eventually pay the consequences. I have discussed PC protection in prior blogs and will not rehash, but rather present some new material.

With the assumption that you have a decent anti-virus program, AND it automatically keeps itself current by downloading updates – at least daily; AND you have a backup methodology – read on. Wow, that was a long sentence even for me; but those two are the most important things you can do.

Next, you need to understand that some types of attachments can be nasty. Most of the time, there might be exceptions; good old .doc files are safe, as are .txt – most of the time. Some types are poison, the very commonly sent .js or java script is the classic virus spreader. The one that attacked me was .docm that little M at the end is really, really, nasty. It stands for document with a Macro (executable code that can do ** anything ** to your computer) – just by opening it with your word processing program. Now that’s really sneaky. The little “built in” macro does not actually scramble your computer, it needs help. So, it contacts the “mother ship” and downloads the real ransomware – slick, efficient, and deadly.

To protect yourself – DO NOT BE CURIOUS. Just delete the email, I’m good with computers, I know enough to not open emails that are unexpected – NEVER. Next, make sure your PC is set to show you the file extension. When you look at the attachment does it say ClosingDocs or ClosingDocs.PDF? Learn how to configure your PC to show the “file type” – and change it to show the complete file name. Be aware that some will have, to fool you, multiple “file type” such as ClosingDocs.pdf.js – if you are not configured to see the complete file name it will appear without the final extension of .js – make sure to do this. You should not ever “hide” the file extension – there is NO good reason – it’s commonly the default to make the files look “simpler” to the casual user. Check to see if your word processor supports prohibiting some “file types” – if so configure it to either not allow .js .docm (and many others, find out which) – or to at the very least to ask you “are you sure you want to open this type of file”.

Malware that simply destroys your computer is certainly still being created by sick puppies. This up and coming threat of ransomware is growing – they can, and do receive money from their victims. When you pay, usually via money wire to an offshore location – they may or may not “honor” their commitment. Again: anti-virus up to date, regular backups, file extensions displayed, and never click a link or open an email unless you are very, very sure what it is; and/or where you are going. You probably do thousands of clicks a month – it only takes one DUMB one to literally put you in a world of grief. Don’t be curious!

You might also like:

Apps that Notaries have never heard of
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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March 18, 2016

Shark Tank — 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares!

123, IT’S SHARK TANK!

First into the tank is the inventor of a directory that will help notaries vastly improve their business.

JB: Hi, Sharks. My name is Jeremy Belmont. And I’m seeking an investment of $500,000 for 10% of my company, 123Notary.com. How many times have you needed a Notary public, and thought “Damn. Where can I find me a decent Notary Public?” Sharks, your searches are over. With 123Notary.com, we get the most serious customers, because we have the best quality notaries. We get 170,000 visits per month. That’s 170,000 more visits per month than Mr. Wonderful makes to the barber.

MR. WONDERFUL: I’d much rather see my money grow than hair.

ROBERT: So walk me through the business model, Jeremy.

JB: We use a lot of social media and search engines to gather up steam, to get good traffic, and we also keep the site well organized. Make sure people have good notary public note sections, reviews. We spend a lot of time making sure people improve their knowledge and pass their certification.

BARBARA: How is that different from other sites?

JB: They don’t put as much attention into the marketing and organization as we do.

LAURIE: Tell us a little about you. How did you get into this line of work?

JB: I started out by being a notary public.

MARK: Good for you, man.

JB: Starting from the ground up is okay as long as you don’t get ground up.

BARBARA: I get a good feeling from you, Jeremy, and I’m going to make you an offer. But I need a little more skin in the game.

MR. WONDERFUL: Hopefully not the skin around your neck.

BARBARA: I wasn’t talking to you, skinhead. I’ll offer you $500,000 for 20% of the company.

MR. WONDERFUL: Ouch. She just cut the value of your company in half.

JB: I appreciate your offer, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to respect the other sharks and hear if anyone else has an offer.

MARK: I like what you’re doing. I like that you started from the ground up. As you know, I own the Dallas Mavericks. And every time they swear to me they won’t blow a shot, I’d like them to swear in front of one of your top-notch notaries, so I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in with Barbara if she’ll have me.

BARBARA: I’ll have you, Mark.

MR. WONDERFUL: Gross.

MARK: 500 K, 20%. But you get two sharks. Ten percent each.

JB: Would you be willing to split the difference at 15%?

ROBERT: I’ll take that deal.

JB: Would you agree to take that deal by signing this paper I have one of our top notaries witness?

ROBERT: I’m out.

LAURIE: You never told us. Why do you need the money?

JB: I want to buy an office.

MR. WONDERFUL: Where are you working now, out of your car?

JB: No, I’m working at home. I want to get an office, so I can have my staff all under one roof. It’s hard to stay unified when you’re all working in separate places.

MR. WONDERFUL: You live in your car?

BARBARA: You’re so mean.

JB: I don’t want to rent an office, because I don’t like the fact you can’t open the windows. I want to be able to customize it to my own needs, which includes having windows that actually open. I have a hard time working without oxygen.

MR. WONDERFUL: That makes you an “airhead” for the right reasons. I’m fine with that. Well, Jeremy, I’ll make you an offer. I don’t want any equity. Zero. Zip.

MARK: Here it comes.

MR. WONDERFUL: I want a 2% royalty for every signing you make. And after I make six times my investment back – Poof. I’m gone.

JEREMY: Darn. You’re still here.

LAURIE/BARBARA/MARK: For that putdown alone, we’ll match your offer.

JEREMY: I’m about to say yes in… 1…2…3!

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You might also like:

A string of all our Shark Tank Posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=shark-tank

A Notary enters the Shark Tank
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14088

Apps that Notaries have never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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November 13, 2015

Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compilation

Here are some of our more popular comedy themes other than sit-coms which is on another post!

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
Some Notaries stay here their entire commission!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Affiant – a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Notary Suicide Hotline
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6995

Tony Soprano Gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14897

Vampire Notaries — 24 hour service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4094

Notary Ambulance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15103

Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

Notary Hotel 2 – the Sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

NotaryMatch.com
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

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July 17, 2015

Honey, You Can Kiss my App!

GPS: You will be approaching the Deed of Trust in 3 seconds… You have arrived at your destination.

MARCY: Well, I’m a new notary, so what do I do now?

GPS: What do you think is next, do you want me to tell you to wash your hair and then repeat?

MARCY: I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

GPS: Never mind. Have the borrower initial all of the pages of the Deed of Trust in the small horizontal line in the bottom corner.

MARCY: But, this has 15 pages!

GPS: You heard me girl.

MARCY: Okay, we are going to sign the Note now, and then these other documents…. Okay, we finished signing the HUD-1.

GPS: You go girl! Okay, now let’s take a look at that Flood Affidavit.

MARCY: Gee, the app says you can explain this to me in Chinese, but I don’t speak Chinese. Hmm, I wonder what happens if.

GPS: Qing ni zai qian ge ming zai zui hou de ye.

MARCY: Yet another thing that was made in China. I better switch it back to Chantelle.

GPS: Do you realize what you just did?

MARCY: Yeah, I switched you to Li-Wen for 30 seconds. I didn’t know what that button did.

GPS: Well, you should be more careful. That app doesn’t exactly steer you towards the nearest Chinese restaurant, and if it did, it would steer you to the type of restaurants with dishes that the owner says, “you no like.”

MARCY: I think you’re right. I went to one of those restaurants. I ordered something called “zhu chang” and the owner said, “You no like.” I asked what it was and he said, “Pig intestine with ox brain.” And I said, you’re right, I no like! And then he said, “you think you no like? how you think ox felt?” And then I said, “You’ve got a point. Let’s stick to kung pao!”

GPS: Yeah, and if you had kept on with Li-Wen, should wouldn’t direct you to the fork in the road. She would have directed you to the chopsticks in the road. Then, you’d really be in trouble!

MARCY: Yeah, because I don’t know how to use chopsticks.

GPS: Yeah, but Li-Wen could probably hook you up with some training sticks.

SIGNER: Less talk, more signing please.

GPS: I saw that in a fortune cookie once.

SIGNER: Gee, Chantelle, you do seem to know a lot about China for a GPS. Have you been to China?

GPS: Honey, I was born in China. My parents were nine year old kids who didn’t get decent child labor laws for Christmas.

SIGNER: So, you grew up in Peking, not Pittsburg.

MARCY: Gee, I never thought of you as Chinese.

GPS: Well, think again! I grew up in the basement of a electronics chop shop in An-Hui province. I got plenty of love, but my parents were mad at me for not being a boy.

MARCY: Well, couldn’t they have made you into a boy?

GPS: Don’t think they didn’t try! They didn’t have the voice overs to do that, so they were stuck with what they had. And they had to keep me due to the one-child policy.

SIGNER: Well you seem very polite.

GPS: I had to be. My parents said that if I acted up, they would export me.

MARCY: It’s fun talking to you, but honestly, the way you explain the documents isn’t thorough enough. The app literature claimed that you would be a lot more detailed in your instructions.

GPS: Well if you don’t like it, then you can kiss my app!

MARCY: Well, I’m new at this, so I need a little more mentoring.

GPS: Fine. Have it your way. I’m auto-switching you to Charles. You’ll be sorry now.

CHARLES: (British Accent) Hello, this is Charles.

MARCY: Oh, you sound Brittish. So, what’s the next step in this signing?

CHARLES: Well, if you were Queen Latifah, I would courtsey.

MARCY: No, the signing. We just signed the Flood Disclosure.

CHARLES: Well, just sign the other documents and be done with it.

MARCY: Don’t you understand loan signing?

CHARLES: Well, there’s nothing to know actually. You just sign as your name is printed, and that is that!

SIGNER: I don’t know why Marcy opened her big mouth, but we were much better off with Chantel.

CHARLES: This was the way I was programmed.

MARCY: Well, we need more than this, and the app we bought was guaranteed to be thorough in its descriptions of documents.

CHARLES: Well if that’s the way you feel then Cherio. I’m switching you to Li-Wen.

LI-WEN: Ni hao, wo jiao li-wen. Wo zen-me ke-yi bang zhu ni?

MARCY: Do you speak English?

LI-WEN: Sorry, no English.

MARCY: The app said that the voices would be in English.

LI-WEN: Not all of them. 1.3 billion people speak Chinese these day.

MARCY: Well this is not going to work.

LI-WEN: If you no like, then — Honey, you can kiss my app!

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You might also like:

Affiant: A social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Apps that Notaries never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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>
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