MY BIG PHAT GEEK WEDDING
For those who don’t know that “phat” is a funky way of saying “excellent,” now you do. Phat! (Next time your girlfriend asks, “Do I look phat in this?” tell her yes!) And geeks are excellent too. We’re all computer geeks now. Those of us who aren’t need a computer geek. This is the short story of the marriage of two very specific subsets of geeks – Notary geeks.
Notary geeks live and breathe all things notaries. And when two such geeks find each other, it could be time to relay each other’s seals of approval, whose terms expire when death do they part. Plus they’ll never cheat on each other, because rather than swear at meddling relatives, these two swear to take an oath. When your promise to be faithful is under oath, it makes for a lot less cheating later on. In “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” breaking plates created pandemonium. In “My Big Phat Geek Wedding,” it’s breaking oaths.
Rather than look forward to the “deed” come the honeymoon night, our geeks look forward to overseeing a document by which a relative transfers property… the “deed.” Rather than using Windex on every ill from psoriasis to poison ivy, our geeks consider such a thing “malfeasance.”
Finally, unlike “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” our geeks aren’t planning a lame sequel, “My Big Phat Geek Wedding 2.” Unless you call an “attested copy,” a copy of an original document, lame. Or a sequel.
Phat chance!
Short of a sequel, our story took a dramatic turn when, at the Big Fat Greek wedding when Sheldon and Raj from “Big Bang Theory” showed up…
Sheldon: “We’re here!”
Raj: “What’s with all the souvlaki?”
Sheldon: “I thought this was a geek wedding, not a Greek wedding.”
Raj: “I guess we misread the invitation.”
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Trump — Making American Notaries Great Again
Trump – Making American Notaries Great Again
We’ve heard a lot about Trump wanting to make America great again. But can he make your notary practice great again if it isn’t already? Or have you hit the wall? Or does he have to build the wall and then make Mexico pay for it? He says America doesn’t win anymore. Are you winning? Thanks to NAFTA, Mexican notaries are allowed to enter the United States and perform work as notaries. But because they charge so little, the only way Americans could survive was to build a wall made of used notary seals.
THE DONALD: The notaries love me. And by the way, the notaries love me. I repeat myself a lot. And by the way, I repeat myself a lot.
NOTARY: I’m undecided about who to vote for. Why should I vote for you?
THE DONALD: Our leaders don’t know what they’re doing. I will make American notaries great again. I’m gonna bring notary jobs back to America. I will be the greatest notary jobs president God ever created.
NOTARY: Would you swear to that under oath?
THE DONALD: I will swear to Justice Roberts on a bible on January 20th. Until then, I’ll swear at my campaign rallies.
NOTARY: Well, you have been married three times. You know a lot about witnessing signatures on divorce papers.
THE DONALD: More than Hillary! She’s a disaster. She could have at least left Bill during MonicaGate, but no. She stuck by his side. Pathetic.
NOTARY: Why shouldn’t I vote for Ted Cruz?
THE DONALD: Lyin’ Ted? He wants to shred Iran’s nuclear deal on day one. Shredding signed documents takes away notary jobs. He’d be a disaster as president.
NOTARY: Wouldn’t you need to hire more notaries to witness the signatures on the deal that replaced it?
THE DONALD: Absolutely. And I’m fine with that.
NOTARY: Hold on. A minute ago you said you were against it.
THE DONALD: I’ve evolved. Which is more than I can say for Cro-Magnon Man Cruze. Have you seen his wife? Compared to mine, she looks like a Gargoyle.
NOTARY: Well, I’m still not convinced you’re good for notaries. What about Bernie?
THE DONALD: The Communist? The only time I “feel the bern” is when I pee. Elect him and all the notaries will be getting free health care.
NOTARY: What’s wrong with that?
THE DONALD: Living longer means fewer wills to witness. When I’m elected president, believe me, half the country will jump off buildings. And if they’re lucky, one of mine. You’ll be witnessing will signings till the cows come home. Speaking of which, did you see Lyin’ Ted’s wife?
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