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April 12, 2015

Point (18-24) Notary Competence; Marcy’s Hospital Signing

Marcy had never done a hospital signing. But, she liked kids, and was thoughtful towards elderly people as well. She was called to go to St. Joseph’s to do a notarization for a bedridden old lady. When Marcy got to the hospital, she learned that the elderly lady could barely move her arms. Luckily, the lady was able to sign an X in chicken scratchy writing. Marcy was able to get together a few others in the hospital to act as subscribing witnesses. Marcy had studied this procedure since she knew that one day a notarization would be ruined and a client lost if she didn’t know it inside out. She got the subscribing witnesses to sign the first name and the last name next to the X in their own handwriting in the journal and in the document. Next, she asked the old lady to explain the document. Unfortunately, the old lady was so mentally impaired, that she could not get a single sentence out about anything. Marcy didn’t want to end up in court, so she played it safe. She declined to notarize after all of that work. Better safe than sorry, because in a fraud investigation, only God knows how long you would be in court!

The very next day, Marcy got a call from 123notary. They wanted to help her brush up on her knowledge. The girl at 123notary asked, “Name two Federal holidays in January.” Marcy said, “Oh, I know this… um…. Martin Luther King Day… and … I can’t think of the other one.” Marcy forgot about New Year’s Day. This may seem funny, but 9 out of 10 answer this question incorrectly. The answer is too obvious, or since it is celebrated in the last evening of December, it doesn’t seem like it happens in January.

The following day, Marcy got called in to notarize three Grant Deeds for a busy Realtor. They all had the same document date, the same signer, and would all be notarized on the same day. Marcy wanted to mark her journal and the additional information sections of the Acknowledgments with some distinguishing information to tell these documents apart. After all, they had the same name, date, signer, and everything! So, Marcy wrote the document date, the name of the document, # of pages, and some other information in the additional info section, but also wrote the property address as that was the only unique piece of information to separate the three Grant Deeds. Marcy was being smart now and staying out of trouble. After all, she didn’t want someone playing swap the Acknowledgment certificate after the fact. That would be a long court case. Smart — very smart!

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Point (18) Name Variations, Middle Initials & Identification
If the printed name on the signature section of the document says, Tom T Smith, then the signer has to sign that way. Once in a while there is a consistency error where the spelling of the name or the name variation might vary throughout the loan by accident. If the signer’s ID has a shorter version of the signer’s name, then it would be illegal to notarize them under a longer name. For example, the ID says “Tom Smith” and the loan documents say “Tom T Smith”, then you can’t notarize the person under the name “Tom T Smith”.

On the other hand, if the ID says, “Thomas Timothy Smith”, then you can notarize him as Thomas T Smith, or just Thomas Smith in addition to the full name stated on the ID.

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Point (19) Journals
Whatever name you choose to represent the signer that is legal according to your state’s Notary law gets recorded in your journal. Each journal entry must record:

The Date & Time of the notarization
The Type of notarization, i.e. Jurat, Acknowledgment, Oath
The name of the document & optional date of document
The name and address of the signer
The identification of the signer
The Notary fee you are charging
A signature of the signer
There should be space for the thumbprint of the signer to the right.

It is recommended that you take thumbprints for notarizations of any type of document affecting real property such as a Deed, or for Powers of Attorney. Additionally, if the method of identification was credible witnesses which is allowed in many states, you should take a thumbprint just to give extra proof of the person’s identity should it ever be questioned in court.

The most confusing part of a journal entry for Notaries is the additional notes section. What notes should you take? This is where you record information about credible witnesses and their signatures. The witnesses do NOT sign where the signer’s signature goes; otherwise where will the signer sign? You can take notes about the building, or neighborhood, or anything distinctive about the signers or your surroundings. This might jog your memory a few years after the fact should you ever be called into court about the notarization — and some type of investigation will likely happen at least once during your four year term. So, keep well documented evidence for all of your transactions.

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Point (20) Federal Holidays
Please memorize these holidays, and the days or months they fall upon. You will be tested on this.

New Years Day
Martin Luther King Day
Washington’s birthday AKA and observed on Presidents’ day
Memorial Day
Independence Day
Labor Day
Columbus Day
Veterans Day
Thanksgiving
Christmas

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Point (21) Notary Acts: Acknowledgments, Jurats, Oaths, Copy Certification by Document Custodian

(1) Acknowledgments
The signer doesn’t need to sign in front of you for an Acknowledgment. But, they need to appear before you and be positively identified. Do you keep a pad of Acknowledgment forms with your state’s wording? If there is a wording error on the acknowledgment provided to you, and you don’t have a replacement form, you will have to use cross-outs which is very unprofessional. Additionally, the notarization might get rejected if there are cross-outs. Keep a journal even if your state doesn’t require it. That is your evidence when you are investigated for someone’s fraud. You might have to lose a day or more in court if you don’t have your paperwork in order. Take journal thumbprints too, just to be thorough. Be professional, carry Acknowledgment and Jurat pads. Ninjas always carry what they need.

(2) Jurats
Jurats require identification in most states although they didn’t used to many years ago. The signer must sign before you for a Jurat. You must make them swear to the truthfulness of the statement or document as well. Affidavits typically use Jurats, although that is up to your client what type of notarization they want. Don’t forget to administer the Oath to the Affiant, or you are breaking the law! Know your notary procedures.

(3) Copies of a document?
Foreigners often need their transcripts notarized, or copies of their transcripts. The law forbids copies of vital records, but not on transcripts. You should ideally supervise the copying of the records to make sure the copy is real. That is a best practice that you can do as a notary. Some states allow a Copy Certification by Document Custodian form which is a Jurat with some extra wording on it and recognized as its own notary act. Clients were happy that I not only notarized the copy, but made a note on the certificate that I personally supervised the copying, and I signed my brief note as well. People were happy with the thoroughness of my work.

(4) Oaths
What is proper Oath wording? A lot is left to the notary who is generally untrained.
There is no official Oath wording for notaries. So, the Notary is left to improvise. Here is some wording we generally like:

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Are the contents of this document complete, true, and correct to the best of your knowledge?

By the way, the name of the person who swears under Oath is the Affiant.

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Here are some other points about certificates

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Loose Certificates
Don’t send loose certificates in the mail. If the lender wants a new certificate, ask for the document and original certificate, destroy the original, and attach a new one. You do not legally need to see the signer again to do that. There should only be one certificate floating around with the document. Make sure to date the new certificate the date when the notarization was actually done and not today’s date! Important point.

Certificate Wording
Most notaries do not cross out the wording in Acknowledgment sections. Where it says “his/her/their” requires the notary to cross out two of the three. That way, upon reading the edited wording, you know if you are dealing with a single man, single woman, or a plural amount of people. Sometimes the gender of the signer is not obvious based on their name. Signature(s)? What if you have one signer who signed a document twice? Then don’t cross out the (s) buddy! This is not rocket science, but most notaries do not do their cross-outs. This is the one document where you not only get to cross words out, but you are legally required.

Backdating
The date you use for a notarization must be the date of the signing. If it is around midnight, then either the date before or after midnight will do. That is the only exception. If you ask me, I feel that the date on an Acknowledgment should correspond to the minute that the signer signed the notary journal since the document could have been signed before the notarization and the certificate could be filled out after. This is only important if you have a midnight signing, otherwise there is no question about the date.

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Point (22) Elderly Notarizations & Signature by X
If you are a Notary who visits hospitals, you will have to learn how to handle difficult elder signings. Many elders have trouble moving their arms. Additionally, if the nurses have given them drugs, then they might not even be able to stay awake or communicate. You need to make sure the elder is sober. It might be illegal in your state to notarize a signer under the influence of morphine or whatever drug they are on. You also need to make sure the elderly signer understands what they are signing so they don’t get scammed. You need to make sure they are the ones signing the document and not an overly zealous daughter who puts a pen in grandma’s hand, grabs the old lady’s arm and moves it around to make a signature.

Use due caution when notarizing the elderly
Please keep in mind that the well-meaning middle-aged people who call you to visit the hospital to notarize granny might not be the old lady’s children. They might be some strangers who just wanted to “help out” who might be trying to cheat granny out of every penny she owns through a Power of Attorney or some other legal documentation that a senile old person might not mentally grasp. Take precautions to make sure you are not facilitating a scam, and that the elderly signer can state in their own words what the document is about. It might be difficult to ascertain by looking at identification cards who is related to whom as relatives don’t always share the same surname. Just assume that people might not be related and might not have honorable intentions no matter how nice they seem. Otherwise you could end up in court for a very long time!

What is Signature by X?
Signature by X is where the signer being notarized signs an X instead of a regular signature.
Many Notaries go through their entire career without understanding the necessity and importance of the Signature by X / Signature by Mark procedure (Notarizing an X). If you have ever done a hospital signing, or signing for elderly, you might be acutely aware of the physical and mental limitations that a signer has in tasks we take for granted. This often necessitates Signature by X procedures.

What steps are necessary for a Signature by Mark or X?

(1) You need two Subscribing Witnesses who witness the Signature by X.
(2) The signer signs an X in your journal and on the document.
(3) Witness one signs the person’s first name in the document and journal.
(4) Witness two signs the persons middle and last names in the document and journal.
(5) Document the ID’s and signatures of the witnesses in the document and journal.
(6) Keep in mind that this is a very unusual notary procedure and is tricky.

Subscribing Witnesses?
What is a Subscribing Witness? Anyone who witnesses someone signing by X as an official act is a Subscribing Witness. Subscribing Witnesses sign the document and the journal. In California, one witness signs the signer’s first name and the other signer signs the signer’s last and middle name (if there is one). It’s good to create documentation to accompany the document as to what this odd procedure is, since it is uncommon and looks strange. It’s also prudent to indicate the Subscribing Witnesses’ names on the actual document and that they witnessed the Signature by X.

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Point (23) Elizors
I am adding this topic just so notaries can appear intelligent if the subject ever comes up. In my career I have never heard this term, but maybe you will. An Elizor is a court appointed official that can sign over property when the owner refuses to cooperate with the court.

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Point (24) Embossers
An embosser may be used in many states as a supplemental Notary seal. As a secondary seal, the embosser should not use ink. Embossers leave a raised three dimensional impression in paper. If a Notary is prudent and embosses every page of every document they ever notarized, then it will become obvious if pages are swapped after the fact as they would not be embossed. Additionally, in a rare case where a Notary’s seal is forged, the forger will not be likely to be smart enough to also forge the secondary embosser which will make their forgery very obviously detectable. Embossers help to deter and identify fraud. They are highly recommended as a result.

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You might also like:

30 Point Course Table of Contents
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30 Point Courses (25-27) Identification, Wrong Venues, Fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14514

Sending loose certificates is illegal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2470

The Signature Affidavit
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13190

Notary Journals from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8348

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April 4, 2013

How to get something notarized that doesn’t have a signature

Many people want copies of school transcripts notarized. Especially students from overseas. The notary can not notarize a document that is not signed by the signer. Additionally, the signer must be named in the body of the document to get an Acknowledged signature.

So, how do you get something notarized that doesn’t have a signature?

Simple… The notary can draft up a statement stating that you swear that the contents of the copy of the document are a complete, true, and correct copy of the original. It is even better if the notary can inspect the original and testify in writing to the fact that he/she has verified that it is a true copy.

What about notarizing a copy of a birth certificate or vital record?

Talk to your local county clerk and ask them how to get a copy of your birth certificate. Notaries are NOT allowed to notarize copies of vital records.

How do you get a photograph notarized?
You can’t.

Some agencies are happy if the notary affixed the corner of their seal to the back of the photo, or embossed the photograph. But, you can get a signed statement about the photo notarized, and then staple the corresponding photo to the Jurat certificate — be prepared to swear under oath that that is a true photo of you.

So, now you know how to get something notarized that doesn’t have a signature. You don’t. You simply get a sworn statement and a Jurat that DOES have a statement that you can swear to and sign. Easy! But, if you get an inexperienced notary who doesn’t know what they are doing, then the procedure might not be so easy. Shop around and get a notary who knows what they are doing.

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What if the signature is in the middle of the document?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20525

Identification requirements for being notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4299

Can you send a loose acknowledgment?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16168

Notarizing John W. Smith
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16048

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February 6, 2012

Fraud & Forgery related to the notary profession

Fraud and Forgery in the notary business 

There are many types of fraud that a notary might run into in their notarial career, forgery being one of the more common types of fraud. But, let’s take a closer look at what specific types of things could happen.
 
(1) Someone could forge your seal and pretend to be you.  It happened to me.  Unfortunately for them, they didn’t forge my signature very well, and didn’t copy my style of embossing every page either.  Putting technicalities aside, I bet they were not able to forge my quirky sense of humor either.  Notary seal forgery is not common. In my case, I think they used a really good photocopier.  BTW, a photocopier can NOT copy the RAISED impression of an inkless embossed seal which is why I used it on all of my notarizations.
 
(2) Page swapping — the old bait and switch routine.  I got called to notarize many multi-page documents. I put my embossing seal through all of the pages leaving a raised impression on each page.  I usually did these individually. Sometimes it is better to do all pages together so the seal goes through the same location in each page.  However, the seal comes out more clearly if you go page by page.  In any case, if you see a ten page document where all of the pages EXCEPT for page four are embossed, that would raise my eyebrows.  I have had many situations, where the signer wants me to give them another acknowledgment certificate for a new page they are adding to the document. I tell them that I have to notarize their signature ALL OVER AGAIN, and that is the law no matter how many times you say, “Oh, come on”.  With that attitude you might as well notarize your own signature as a non-notary!
 
(3) Title companies have a common practice of initialing for the borrower if the borrower misses an initial. It is “easier” than sending the documents back to the borrower.  Whether it is signature forgery to forge initials is a matter for an attorney to decide, but it seems pretty illegal to me to engage in initial forgery. I don’t think that anyone audits loan documents to see if anyone is engaging in initial forgery, but perhaps they should — many Title companies might get busted or investigated at a minimum.
 
(4) Refusal to be thumbprinted?  You must be up to something if you don’t want your thumbprint recorded. Maybe you have a fake identification card, right?  You can fake an ID, but you can not fake a thumbprint.
 
(5) Signature forgery.  If someone forged a signature on a document, they will have to have a fake ID and forge the same signature on the ID and in your journal. It would be a tough crime to pull off. I think that nobody in their right mind would attempt this.  Normally, people try to do crimes of fraud in private, and wouldn’t be willing to let other parties see what they are doing, no matter what!
 
(6) Notarizing out of state?  If you don’t have a commission in a particular state, you can not notarize there, with a few exceptions. Military notaries have special rules. A Virginia notary public may notarize out of the state of Virginia, but only for documents that are to be recorded within the state of Virginia. In any case, from time to time we will hear rumors that a notary public is operating illegally in a bordering state where they are not commissioned, and people want us to enforce the rule. I tell them to report the individual to the state notary division where the Notary in question is commissioned.
 
(7) Charging more than the state maximum notary fees is illegal, and charging more travel fee than your state allows (roughly eight states have restrictions for travel fees) can get you in trouble too.
 
(8) Filling out an Acknowledgment or Jurat form when you never saw the signer and never had the signer sign your journal is a really serious act of notarial misconduct.  You can lose your commission and get fined or jailed for this.

You might also like:

Backdating from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2424

Notarizing multi-page documents
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21423

Penalties for notary misconduct, fraud and failure of duty
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21315

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January 27, 2011

You know you’re a notary when…

You know you’re a Notary Public when…

(1) You go to a bar and ID the bartender before he has a chance to ID you.
(2) You ID every girl you date even when their high school yearbook is over 18
(3) You like Oreo cookies because they’re embossed.
(4) Your favorite ice cream is from Jen & Sherry’s, Rescinded Rum Raisin
(5) You background screen your golf buddies before going out into the course with them
(6) You have a bumper sticker that says “I’d rather be signing”
(7) You spend so much time with your GPS that you make Siri sign a prenup.
(8) You spend so much time with your GPS that you know all of its most intimate pieces of information such as favorite foods, birthdays, favorite roads, and mother’s maiden name.
(9) You become famous, people ask for your autograph and you’d rather have theirs
(10) Your mailbox and inbox are cluttered by twelve different notary organizations.
(11) Your Jewish son meets a nice Jewish girl and you ask, “Is she a notary?”
(12) Your favorite seafood is squid because it never needs an ink refill.
(13) When you get your parking validated, you rip the stamp out of the person’s hands so you can stamp it yourself.
(14) You comment, “Gee, your hairstyle doesn’t match your ID,” when you meet someone at a bar.
(15) You compliment people on their signatures — “Gee, that’s a lovely cursive.”
(16) You take pawprints of the animals in the neighborhood just in case they get lost.
(17) You spend your spare time last weekend writing a letter to the State of Nevada criticizing them for allowing drivers licenses to be valid for 20 years.
(18) When you go to court (for whatever reason) you correct the bailiff’s Oath wording.
(19) You wear a T-shirt saying, “I’m not your husband’s mistress, I’m the Notary!”
(20) You have an NNA towel that you take to the beach (if such a thing exists)
(21) All guests entering your house must personally appear before you and sign the journal, put a date and time, plus reason for entry.
(22) Your favorite California wine is the Notary Public Cabernet – You’d swear under oath it’s the best vino there is if you weren’t busy slurring your notary verbiage
(23) When your friend asked you, “Can I turn left here?” You respond, “I am not an Attorney and may not answer legal questions or perform loan signings in the state of Georgia. I am just a Notary.”
(24) When you go to cocktail parties and people ask what you do you respond, “Next question.”
(25) When you go to a bar, you always order their signature drinks.
(26) When someone asks how old your young children are, instead of measuring their age in weeks or months, you measure it in fractions of a commission. Oh this one? Judy? Yeah, we got her during my 2nd commission. But, Fred over here we’ve had since before I was commissioned at all. He must be getting old now.
(27) You ask your Jewish friends if they need their kid’s Bar-Mitzvahs Notarized.
(28) If your friend invites you to a party and then calls you to change the venue, you offer to initial the change.
(29) You have a bumper sticker saying — Warning, I brake for Mortgage Brokers.
(30) You have another bumper sticker saying — Notary on Board
(31) You have a happy hour menu with special prices for Jurats.
(32) Your favorite Chinese restaurant has fortune cookies that read — He who backdate live long life, but have short commission.
(33) You have a special credit card that gives double miles if you stay at The Notary Hotel
(34) When you see a girl with a nice tan, you comment that she must have used a lot of toner to get that look.
(35) When you go out for steak you only get certified Angus steak.
(36) When charitable organizations send you 500 labels with your home address on it, you throw them out as you prefer to use a customized stamp.
(36) Your favorite movie was — Honey, I Notarized the Kids.

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30 point quiz: Jeopardy
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Notary Sushi Bar

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , — admin @ 10:51 am

Just for the record, I just went to a new sushi bar at Universal City Walk. I have to go there to visit the Zen Oxygen Bar. I lose a lot of energy unless I get my O2 from time to time. My regular spot at Panda Inn closed down, so I was off to try a new place. Right next door there is a spot owned by a famous celebrity chef. I mentioned that this chef could come up with a novelty chocolate dessert that is shaped like a hockey puck. They could call it “Wolfgang’s Puck.” I’m sure it would be a top seller.

I just tried a new chicken stir fry dish at this new sushi bar. It was great. But, I asked them what it would be like it their restaurant was a Notary sushi bar. They had no idea.

The Multi-State Miso Soup
This was the best I’ve ever had. And it comes with it’s own rider you have to sign before enjoying the soup. The kelp in the soup was top notch as well.

Embossed puck shaped sushi anyone?
Instead of sushi rolls, they had sushi that was the size of silver dollars and embossed. It was more of a raw fish sandwich with embossed rice on the top and bottom, and spicy tuna in the middle. Hard to dip into the Signature Soy Sauce and “Witness Wasabi” mixture.

Scilicit Soy Paper
Then, there was the Scilicit Soy Paper so flat, you could write a venue on the top. State of California, County of Los Angeles.

Subordination Soba
For noodle dishes they had Universal Udon and Subordination Soba. I got used to the idea of cold noodles, and soba is a national favorite of Japan. Lean buckwheat noodles! You can’t go wrong! The Thai’s have a dish called “Drunken Noodles” while the Japanese have “Soba.” The question is, which noodle dish should you have first? Yesterday, I had monsoon noodles. That is what Natalie Thai calls their drunken noodles. Either way, they are one of my favorite Thai restaurants.

Subscribing Sake
One shot of this and you might be under the table. But, honestly, Korean soju is much more potent than sake any day. I can’t handle it!

Kim Jong Eel Roll
Tired of politics, and just want to eat? This will be the perfect culinary solution to your problems. It has a California roll with eel, eel sauce, and tempura flakes, plus a little kim-chee on the side. Hence the name, the Kim Jong Eel Roll.

Ousama Bin Latte
After your meal, if you want to wash it down with some coffee, consider a Ralph Macciato, Frank Sumatra, or their special Ousama Bin Latte.

Good Faith Green Tea Ice Cream
Forget about tempura ice cream. That is a novelty that never worked. But, green tea ice cream by itself, or with banana egg rolls really does the trick.

I’ll skip the last part about flood zone fortune cookies.

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January 23, 2011

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Welcome to Notary Hell

Notaries who have done bad deeds (or signed bad Deeds) in their personal or professional life are often committed to Notary Purgatory, or Notary Hell. Many Buddhist Notaries commented that there are seven heavens and seven hells, birth, death, and rebirth. In Notary Hell, the Power of the Devil, supersedes the Power of Attorney (even if it is Authenticated by the Secretary of State.)

In Notary Hell, misdeeds, negligence, and malfeasance are considered good things, although they prefer active acts of treachery.

Common Experiences
Notaries who are condemned to Notary Hell are subjected to all types of cruel, but not unusual tortures. Some notaries have all of their documents burned in the eternal fires of hell. Others have to do a daily signing for a “reader” who reads every letter of every page, and then claims not to be sure if they want to sign. These “readers” can take up to three hundred hours to complete a signing in 130 degree heat. The devils in Notary Hell are very despotic, they like to emboss the notaries around. One devil came around with a giant red hot steel embosser and embossed a notary’s hand. Other notaries are branded on their left shoulder with a red hot iron notary seal, so that it will be obvious which part of Notary Hell they are confined to.

One notary had a near death experience that he shared with us. His soul actually left his body. Unfortunately, because of all of the misdeeds he had committed (including backdating) that he went to hell. At first he was concerned that he was in hell. But, then after a few minutes he realized that he recognized half the people there since they were his Mortgage Broker clients.

Another notary commented that when he was in Notary Hell, everything he notarized was in invisible ink, so all of his work was virtually erased.

The Warning Signs
For those who are weak in terms of their conscious, a not so subtle warning sign is often sent to the notary from the higher world. The notary will be sent to Notary Hell for a few minutes in a dream, to scare the hell out of them. If the notary does not repent, the next time the notary commits a serious error or omission, the gates of Notary Hell will open up, and the Notary Devil himself will come for a personal visit to the notary’s official address based on their records with the Secretary of State.

Entry Procedures
All notaries are required to register with the Secretary of Hell, or as the locals call it, “The Demon Vee” within 30 days of arrival. You must have an identification document that was issued in the last ten years, but hasn’t been burned (or melted) yet. Notaries are required to take their Oath of Office. There is no prerequisite residency requirement for entry. Applicants must be 18 years or older and have committed a Felony or multiple acts of Mural Turpitude. There is no proctored exam necessary as an entry requirement for Notary Hell. References from scummy people are appreciated although not required.

There are many mansions in my father’s kingdom
But, you only get a cramped spot in the basement of the mansion next to the boiler room. Although Notary Hell is horribly unpleasant, due to funding cuts in the Secretary of Hell, most of the torturous punishments have been put on hold — at least for now.

DEVIL: Welcome to Notary Hell

NOTARY: But, all I did was backdate a few times

DEVIL: You don’t know how that affected other people’s lives, do you?

NOTARY: Are you preaching to me?

DEVIL: Well, I’m not exactly the most credible of witnesses, but let’s just say, that I’m aware of the severity of your mal-actions.

NOTARY: So, what now?

DEVIL: It’s time to get you registered. Right this way.

CLERK: ID Please?

NOTARY: Here it is. By the way, it’s hot in here!

DEVIL: Yeah, but it’s a dry heat.

CLERK: Have you visited Notary Hell before?

NOTARY: The time when my client wouldn’t turn down his TV came pretty close.

CLERK: Birth and death date

NOTARY: What’s the point, I’m dead aren’t I?

CLERK: Well, we like to keep track of these things. We like to keep accurate journal entries, just like good notaries are supposed to do — hint, hint.

NOTARY: Journal Schmournal. So, I kept a journal. People signed it. Big deal.

CLERK: We take these things very seriously in the brighter world. If it had been a lesser infraction, we would have sent you to Notary Heck.

NOTARY: Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

CLERK: If every notary were as negligent as you, the entire profession would be compromised. Ha! More business for me!

NOTARY: Okay, so what now?

CLERK: Now, we take you to your accommodations. Follow the demon dressed in red, and take a left at the pitchfork in the road.

NOTARY: Got it.

DEMON: Welcome to Notary Hell.

(walking to the notary’s accommodations)

NOTARY: Oh, look to the left. I didn’t know Saddam Hussein was a Notary.

DEMON: Little mix-up. We sent him to the wrong hell.

NOTARY: Oh look at those cauldrons, notaries are being boiled in oil.

DEMON: The one good thing about having Saddam around is that we never run out of oil.

NOTARY: Just out of curiosity, is there wifi here?

DEMON: No, but we have cable. We have the Kardashian channel playing 24/7.

NOTARY: Is this my cell?

DEMON: Here’s your palatial estate.

NOTARY: And you call this notary hell?

DEMON: Yeah, but now all your dead relatives know you have a palatial estate and they’ll be visiting you in one hour. And by the way, the thermostat is on the mantle. You can turn it down to 130 during daylight hours — if you like.

NOTARY: That’s quite thoughtful of you.

DEMON: Shhhh. don’t let that get out!

.

You might also like:

Notary comedy articles about heaven & hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16640

Witnessing intake forms for Notary Heaven
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8832

Commission Impossible
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16067

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January 22, 2011

The (Sleezy) Notary Motel

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 7:08 am

We wrote about the Notary Hotel. That was one of most popular blog entries ever. But, what about Notary Motel. It’s just not as much fun at all. Imagine a sleezy Notary Motel. The clerk yells, “You have to be out of here by 10:30AM whether you are done signing or not.” The staff are always on the lookout for fake ID and compare all ID’s to the DMV’s database. This motel smelled like smoke in every room even though there were no smoking signs. Every time a car parked in the central lot, you could hear them slam their doors. Worse yet, I learned that in room 202, a Notary was turning signings in her room. There goes the neighborhood. There were people going in and out of that room all night long. One guy was in such a hurry to get out of there, he left his signatures hanging out as he exited the building.

SIGNER: Doing my signing here is terrible. What is that pounding noise on the wall.

NOTARY: Hmm, maybe they have a gym in the next room. Having fitness rooms is so popular these days.

SIGNER: The one thing I do like is that the parking lot in front looks like a Notary stamp. It is rectangular, the perimeter is very geometric with all of the parking spaces exactly in place. And in the middle it says the state, county, and the motel’s commission #.

NOTARY: Hmm, I didn’t notice that. Oh, I hear another noise coming from outside. Oh look, it is another Notary wearing wife beaters chasing his client into the parking lot.

OTHER NOTARY: Hey, sign this paper or else I’m leaving buddy.

OTHER SIGNER: Fine, take it and stuff it.

OTHER NOTARY: You owe me a travel fee. I hope you got cash!

OTHER SIGNER: I’m leaving.

SIGNER: Boy, what a place this Notary Motel is. I think we would have been much better off having our signing in the breakfast room of the Notary Hotel having one of those embossed waffles and then going to one of their signature rooms.

NOTARY: Yes, if we lived in a perfect world. But, if we lived in a perfect world, nobody would have to go to Notary Hell when they died either.

SIGNER: Good point. But, they go there because they have been bad Notaries, which is not the fault of the world. Okay, I’m done signing.

NOTARY: Great, just make sure you don’t walk out with one of their towels. They’ve been ripped off so many times they put microchips in those things to track them.

SIGNER: I’m not that desperate. Hey, who’s that sleazy looking lady in the parking lot. She looks like she is on drugs or something.

LADY: $10 dollars for a signature. $5 dollars for half a signature. I’ll sign anything you want!

GUY: Hey baby, wanna do a signing? Hop in!

NOTARY: I think we need to get out of here. I didn’t know it was this bad!

.

You might also like:

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Notary Oscars
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16540

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January 12, 2011

Notary Jail

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (very) — Tags: — admin @ 12:00 pm

WARDEN: Welcome to Notary Jail — Don’t drop the embosser!
It’s time for mug shots. Turn to the right and say “scilicit” — that’s a notary term. You would know that if you read your Notary handbook. And by the way, selling your notary seal on eBay, was it really worth it?

NOTARY: Hey, I got paid $800 for it. I was in a pinch and needed the money.

WARDEN: Well you won’t have to worry about being behind on rent here!

I think that I am the first person to come up with this concept. Notary jail. Where Notaries go when they’ve been bad. But, most Notaries have been bad, they just didn’t get caught because their secretary of state’s don’t bother to enforce a single law. What is the point of having laws if you don’t enforce them?

Oath Omissions
If you forget to administer an Oath you should be sent to Notary jail and get booked. The first thing they will do is thumbprint you in their journal. Then, they will ask you if you take journal thumbprints. If you say, “My state doesn’t require that.” Then they will put you in solitary confinement. After all, an innocent person could be scammed out of everything they own and the culprit could run free simply because you didn’t take a thumbprint.

ID-ing
If you didn’t ID someone correctly, then a cell in the insane ward would be in order. Since you let John Smith sign as John W Smith, you will also not mind being around five people who are sure that they are Abraham Lincoln.

Loose Certificates
And then there are the people who don’t fill in certificates properly or send loose certificates in the mail. Tisk tisk. The staff at Notary jail will goof on your jail paperwork if you do that and you’ll be in for a long time.

Jail Food?
Oh, and the food at Notary jail? Embossed flat bread sandwiches. You get that nice raised seal embossed pattern on every bite. Then they have a breakfast cereal called frosted mini-seals. Oh, and one more thing. They have soap shaped like a Notary seal. But, don’t drop the soap (or don’t drop the seal.)

Entertainment at Notary jail involves watching television documentaries on the notary profession and NNA how to materials. When they run out of sleeping pills, they have written Notary materials for you to study. The yard outside is shaped like a giant notary seal. You get an hour of outside time per day.

Notary Questions
And if they ask Notary questions in Notary jail, don’t talk back to the guards like you normally do to Jeremy. Just answer questions the way they were asked and you might get time off for good behavior.

Conclusion
In real life, the Notaries who end up in jail are those who committed fraud involving real property. Trying to steal someone’s property and put it in someone else’s name using your Notary commission is the worst crime you can commit.

Then there are the cases where fraud happens that is not the Notary’s fault. Perhaps if the Notary had been more careful filling out the certificates or journal entries it would be easier to prove what happened. But, in such cases, the notary ends up in court, not jail.

If you do end up in Notary jail, you might bump into a few of your Mortgage Broker clients. On the other hand, they have their own jail — Mortgage Jail.

.

Can a Notary go to jail for Notary fraud?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21353

Putting jails and hospitals into your notes section
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19266

Go to jail but DO collect $100
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15361

Find a notary who goes to Twin Towers Jail and other Los Angeles Prisons
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21349

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January 10, 2011

Welcome to the Notary Casino

Welcome to the Notary Casino, where your dreams and ours come true!

Your dream is to have fun, and we will fulfill that fantasy. Our dream is to get you to lose most of your money in the slot machines, and it looks like we are well on our way to that dream.

Spin the embosser! Oh, it landed on a 7. You win… this time.
You win twenty embossed chips! And chips on your shoulder after you lose them later on gambling them away.

Now, it’s time to celebrate in our buffet. The noodles are in the shape of chips. If you want more, just say, “Hit me.” (If you’re into pain, you can also say “Hit me.”) Enjoy our ice sculpture in the shape of a witness.

Instead of pounding steaks, we emboss them in a giant embosser. Additionally, in the seafood section we sell real seal meat sushi and Angus beef. If you want the certified Angus beef, ask for a complimentary Notary. Additionally, if you get in an argument with your husband, you can make him eat his words after you spell them with our letter shaped noodles! The catch at the Notary Buffet is that you have to make a Notarized pledge under Oath that you will finish what’s on your plate. Either that or put the rest in escrow.

There’ll be entertainers and impersonators. Don’t expect to know who they’re pretending to be – We don’t get top drawer entertainment. But as Notaries, you’ll be able to check their ID to learn their actual identities.

Now, time for the slot machines. If you get three oranges, you win one chip. If you get three witnesses, you win ten chips. If you get three embossers, you win the jackpot! We can attest to that.

All we ask is that you personally appear before the slot machines — it’s a legal thing…

.

You might also like:

Notary Family Feud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15294

The Big Bang Theory: Feeling in control Notarizing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15150

Scribbles: A Notary comedy club
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15258

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January 9, 2011

Notary Hotel 2 — the sequel

Welcome to The Notary Hotel, for all things notarial.

Customer: “Wow, this hotel is so notarial, even the notepad comes with Jurat wording!”
Reception: “We cater to a very specific market over here.”
Customer: “That is great, but honestly, at one of those other Notary Hotels, there were ink stains on the wash cloth!”
Reception: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear about that. That must be the hotel on the other side of town that is currently out of commission, right?”
Customer: “That’s the one, but I don’t like to mention names!”
Reception: “I understand”
Customer: “And they were annoying too. Each room had a fax machine, so they could fax the bill to you, and they required three dozen fax backs before they would let you check out!”
Reception: “Sounds like that other notary hotel, or the Notel, as we call it was owned by a signing service.”
Customer: “Tell me about it.”
Reception: “We are notarial, but in a good way over here, well at least we like to think we are. You’ll enjoy our notarial breakfast. You get an embossed waffle. Instead of having the regular grid, you will get a huge impression of a circular embossed notary seal. Instead of an expiration date on the seal, we say — best if consumed before 6-01-2014 — for example.
Customer: “I’m hungry already.

Can you expedite my express-o?
Reception: “Then, you’ll enjoy a cup or two of our signature French roast coffee — but, you don’t have to notarize the signature.”
Customer: “Great, because I don’t feel comfortable with foreign language notarizations.”
Reception: “Oh no, it’s not a French language roast, the coffee is English speaking, and so is the signature.”
Customer: “In that case, that will be fine. I prefer espresso though.”
Reception: “Well, since we are a boutique hotel, we can make espresso upon special request.”
Customer: “Can you expedite my express-o? No pun intended.”
Reception: “And over here, instead of paying by the night, you can stay for a pre-arranged number of days, weeks or months — we call that period of time a commission!”
Customer: “Boy, you guys are just too notarial. Next thing you know, I’ll have to take a proctored test to stay here.”

What type of Notelarization?
Reception: “Well, we test you in other less pronounced ways — to make sure you know what you’re doing. Can you sign the register please, I mean the journal? We like our guests to sign it. We’re a bit old fashioned.”
Customer: “So, where you do you want me to sign it?”
Reception: “That was part of the test. You are the notary, you are supposed to know. You sign in the signature section!”
Customer: “Right… what was I thinking. I’ve been doing this job for twenty years and still have to be reminded! I’ll put the type of Notelarization as well — acknowledged overnight stay.”
Reception: “Super. Let me check your ID, to make sure the name matches the one in the journal. Your ID says, Ralph E Emerson, and you signed Ralph Wemerson? Am I missing something?”
Customer: “Well, over time, my E became sideways and began to look more like a W. You understand, right?”
Reception: “Well, at least it’s not like Wang Zhu Ming from China who signed in Chinese characters.”
Customer: “That’s nothing, I had an Egyptian who signed in hieroglyphics once, or at least it looked that way!”

Standards at the Notary Hotel
Reception: “At our Notel, we have standards. If any of the maids fails to abide by the following regulations, their commissions can be suspended, revoked, or terminated.”

(1) Failure to require the guest to sign for their food delivered during room service
(2) Failure to administer an Oath for the late night lasagna Jurat
(3) Failure to honor the 3 minute right to rescind on midnight tacos

Affidavit of Maid Services must be signed at the door. The date and time must be documented as well, along with an indication of the type of maid-torial act. For example, they could acknowledge that they made up the room.

Customer: “It sounds wonderful. This Notel operates for the benefit of the customer. What about late night pay-per-flick. Is there a rescission period for that if I don’t like the movie?”
Reception: “Yes, you can mail, or fax your…”
Customer: “Stop right there, did you say fax? I’m out of here!”
Reception: “No wait… come back…”

You might also like:

Notary Hotel 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

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