Speaking of rebooting a show that doesn’t deserve to be rebooted. Here’s what happens when a Trump supporter becomes a Notary Public.
Roseanne was using Google to look up the NRA, but due to a typing error, found the NNA instead, and then started reading.
ROSEANNE: Hmm, this NNA organization sounds really helpful. They teach you everything you need to know to be a Notary, plus they sell ammunition… um, I mean supplies like Acknowledgment pads. I wonder if you can shoot an Acknowledgment.
DAN: Hey, shoot me over an Acknowledgment!
ROSEANNE: Oh, so you can shoot an Acknowledgment. Cool. I’m gonna call the NNA. (ring ring) Hey NNA, what would you carry if you were on a Notary trip?
NNA: Oh, well, we have an NNA carry-all bag.
ROSEANNE: I like these people already (yelling) Hey Dan, these folks have a carry-all bag! Hey NNA, can you fit a dead moose in one of your bags?
NNA: Um, I’m afraid that these bags are more for Notary supplies and can fit a journal, and a few pads of paper, seals, etc.
ROSEANNE: Well can you teach me how to operate one of them seals, take it apart, and clean it real nice… and reload it?
NNA: We can sell you some replacement ink. You just press the seal down to operate it.
ROSEANNE: Ahh (nasal), do I need any ear protection headset when I shoot your seal gun off?
NNA: I think you’re confusing us with the NRA.
ROSEANNE: I just want you people to know that I support second amendment — the right to bear Notarial arms.
DAN: Honey, you have the right to bear arms, but till you lose a little weight I’d wear long sleeves if I were you.
ROSEANNE: Stay out of it. If that ain’t the kettle calling the pot black. And then speaking of pot, can you operate a loaded notary seal under the influence of Marijuana?
NNA: Um, I believe that is a state specific question that is not covered by Notary law. Please consult an Attorney.
ROSEANNE: Do you know any Attorneys who smoke pot, or Attorney Notaries? Well, they’d have to smoke tons of pot if they would want to be Notaries, right?
NNA: The Notary profession is a very respected profession that has been around for hundreds of years. Please do not defile our profession. We gain tremendous pride from reading about our Notaries of the year as they contribute tremendous integrity to our profession.
ROSEANNE: Well, whaddo I gotta do to be Notary of the year?
DAN: Wait for a really crappy year when everybody else really sucks.
NNA: Well, let’s first start with getting a Notary commission and learning our Notary Basics, shall we?
ROSEANNE: Is there a way I can become Notary of the year on false pretenses? I’m a good liar. I lie about my age and my sex life. Hey Dan, I’m 30 right?
DAN: Yeah, and you’re really hot too, and I’m not just talking about your flashes.
ROSEANNE: See how good I am at telling the truth about myself in a deceitful way?
NNA: You see maam, the Notary profession is based on integrity. The role of the Notary is to keep accurate records, deter fraud, and be completely honest in all transactions.
ROSEANNE: You missed your calling in life, you should have been a church lady, isn’t that special? Or a mime, that way I wouldn’t have to hear you.
NNA: Well just let us know when you are commissioned, and we’ll take it from there. Just make sure you get this all done before the end of Notary season. (hangs up.)
NNA PERSON #2: There’s no such thing as Notary season.
NNA: You have to make hunting references when you’re talking to this lady otherwise she can’t relate to anything you’re saying.
NNA PERSON #2: Okay, time for lunch. Are you up for anything gamey?
NNA: In Chatsworth, CA? Good luck!
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Letter to the NNA about Notary Testing
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