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February 26, 2016

February 5, 2016

Welcome to the Notary Zoo!

Welcome to the Notary Zoo!

After visiting the Notary Zoo for the first time, I noticed that things were a little “different” there. There were animals that didn’t exist in real life, and situations that were often opposite of what they normally were.

Before entering the zoo, right before the entrance, you see a huge venue carved into the granite floor. The venue says, “State of California, County of Los Angeles.” I’m glad the zoo helps me remember where I am because at that place, it’s easy to forget. Then, I went to pay my entrance fee. There was a huge sign saying that all customers needed to “personally appear” before the ticket seller with the seal of approval, who won the crowd’s approval after the seal juggled a ball on its nose. I needed to produce positive identification, asked how much it was to visit the zoo, and the clerk said it depended on how many signatures I wanted. I wanted admittance for just myself, which would be one signature at $10 per signature. The lady stamped my ticket and let me in.

As Trump might say, the zoo was “huge.”

There were walkways going every which direction. To the left I saw the Juratffs. I had never seen a Juratff before. I asked what I was supposed to do there, and the guard said that people swear at this animal all day long. So, I said, “I solemnly swear blah blah blah.” But, the juratff ignored me and kept eating leaves. At least he stuck his neck out for me. In the next exhibit down the corridor I saw a giant refrigerator with a sign saying, “How can you fit a juratff in a refrigerator?” Then a baby juratff waltzed in the refrigerator, stuck its neck out the hole in the top, and munched on some low hanging leaves.

Don’t feed the Notaries

Next, there was an area where some Notaries were hanging around. The visitors were led down an underground passage and then up some stairs into a huge cage that had a sign: “Don’t feed the Notaries.” The Notaries just went about their business and ignored the tourists’ constant taunts and whistling. The Notaries sat at desks, walked around, ID’d people and stamped pieces of paper. I didn’t understand the logic of this as they were notarizing other Notaries and not getting paid. Later on I learned that this was some sort of an asylum for people who were convinced that they were Notaries, but never passed the state Notary exam for reasons unknown. They were NOTaries.

The next exhibit had a Notary comedian. Not only was there an applause sign. There was an applause signer.

He started cracking jokes. “How do you define a loose acknowledgment? It’s an acknowledgement that attaches itself to different documents — on the first date before it even knows your first name — at least the first name on your ID.” Then our comedian friend made another joke about pastry. “I just found out that a Mexican wedding cake is exactly the same thing as a Russian tea cake. They are both two inches wide and made from shortbread. I guess one man’s tea is another man’s wedding!”

An exhibit for Notarial owls.
They just sat in the tree all day long saying, “Hoo — is the signer?” Next to the owls was the judge from Noternity court who said, “Who is the signer? Who is the Notary? We’ve examined the DNA evidence and handwriting analysis and you ARE the Notary!”

The aquarium was next on my list.
I went down a dark hallway into a pitch black room, turned a corner, and then I was in the Notary Aquarium. I saw a guy swimming in the tank in a three piece suit with a briefcase. I asked the guard why the sharks don’t eat him. The guard replied, “Professional courtesy — that guy’s an Attorney.” Then I saw another guy wearing a suit who just got his leg bitten off by another shark. Blood was filling the tank. I looked at the guard and he said, “That one’s a Mortgage Broker. He’s the one who asked people to backdate, and didn’t pay his Notaries on time.” It cost him a leg if not an arm. I journeyed into the next room in the aquarium and saw a bizarre looking fish. It looked like a hammerhead, but on closer inspection it was a stampfish. His head looked like a huge rectangular Notary stamp. I said to the guard, “It’s too bad there is no paperfish that the stampfish can stamp.” The guard said, “Where there is one around here, there will be a squid just waiting to donate some of his precious ink so the underwater Notarization could happen.” Then, lo and behold, a paperfish appeared from nowhere. Instead of stamping the paperfish, the stampfish took a bite out of it. I asked the guard what happened. The guard informed me that the stampfish was offended that the paperfish hadn’t been signed and dated — this was his way of voicing his underwater displeasure. Then I saw another stampfish who looked like he was high. The guard explained that he had a constant supply of really good sea-weed, and one or two bites of that will get you very high. On my way out of the aquarium there was a huge underwater building. The sign on the building said underwater county recorder. Inside the building there was a huge line of stamp fish. My only thought at this point is — I hope these stampfish have waterproof journals!

On my way toward the exit I saw some lions swearing under Oath. Lyin’ and swearing to uphold the truth – Isn’t that an oxymoron? Then I saw some sheep being sheepish about their loan signing. But they couldn’t pull their wool over my eyes. There was a huge section where there were boars that specialized in 400 page signings where you read every page. It nearly boared me to death. And finally a bobcat who swore under Oath that he was legally Robert Cat.

Finally, I went to the aviary.
That place is for the birds! I saw some birds signing a health directive so they could fight against avarian cancer. I tried to explain that it is o-varian cancer, but they claimed that there are certain types of cancer that only birds get in their old age. Then, an eagle swooped down to avoid one of the guards who was trying to ID him for the Patriot Act.

In any case. I enjoyed the zoo. It was fun. I was slightly disappointed that I couldn’t get a souvenir of a waterproof journal in the gift shop, but maybe next year.

.

You might also like:

Welcome to the Notary Casino
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15255

Scribbles: A Notary Comedy Club
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15258

Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

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January 22, 2016

Can I bring my 12 year old to a signing?

Linked In Sums it Up
One lady on LinkedIn asked this question and the crowd loved it. Should you bring children to a signing? In my opinion it is grossly inappropriate to bring anyone to the signing who is not part of the loan process. Sometimes a Lender will accompany a Notary to a signing. And sometimes relatives of the borrower will show up at a signing table — that is their right. But, for the Notary to bring their children looks very unprofessional.

The Deed of Macchiato
Small children can make noise and cause trouble. One of our best stories is about a Notary who brought her toddler to a signing at Starbucks. The three year old accidentally tipped over a mocha which turned the Security Instrument into a Deed of Macchiato. I’m sorry to take “shots” at this Notary, but I want to milk (or latte) this story for what it’s worth. After the signing company found out what this Notary did, they got steamed, and the Notary got lightly roasted.

So, Where to Put Your Children?
It is not uncommon for women to bring their husbands to signings, but the hubby always stays by the wheel, otherwise they might spoke the wrong type of attention. Relatives normally stay in the car and read during the signing. Many women employ this procedure as a security measure to make sure they are not abducted, murdered, or harmed at the signing. Children can also wait in the car if they are mature enough to. If you have really little children, you need a babysitter and a few backups just in case. You will lose all of your clients if you bring your toddlers

Screaming Children
As we stated in our 30 point course, if you answer the phone and there are screaming children in the background, you will lose a lot of clients. It should be quiet when you answer the phone, otherwise people will feel you are grossly unprofessional. If there is noise, apologize for the noise, and move to another room where it is quiet, or find a way to put the client on hold while you stop the noise.

Another Solution
Just wait for six years and then your 12 year old will be 18. Then, he/she/they can get his/her/their Notary commission and join you as an apprentice — with permission of course — and pretend he/she is not related to you(s). [don’t cross out the (s) if you’s guys are New Jersey residents]

.

You might also like:

Notarizing for a minor
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6947

You know you’re a notary when…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

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January 1, 2016

Notary aptitude test

Have you ever had your aptitude tested as a Notary? Other than the various certification tests? Well, maybe it’s about time that you did! But, what types of questions would be asked? Maybe it would be like the NSAT. The Notary SAT’s.

(1) Stamp is to Fraud as Pen is to:
(a) omission (b) signature (c) backdating (d) ink

(2) Name on document is to Name on ID as Name on signature is to:
(a) Name on AKA statement (b) Name on occupancy statement (c) Fees on the HUD (d) Name on Notary Seal

(3) Date of Rescision is to Signature Date as New Year’s Eve is to:
(a) A really bad hangover (b) A party that was “rescinded” early (c) Midnight of the 4th (d) The 3rd (e) Confession where the borrower says, “Forgive me Father, for I have rescinded.”

(4) The Signature date is to the Rescission Date what Backdating is to:
(a) The Document Date (b) The Transaction Date (c) the day before the Signature Date (d) The eDocument Date

(5) Notary is to Signing Agent what Mortgage Broker is to:
(a) Escrow Agent (b) Title Agent (c) Settlement Agent (d) A really good Mortgage Broker who actually knows what he/she is doing

(6) A Notary who doesn’t cross out the he/she/they is to Mortgage Broker as a Mortgage broker who:
(a) Is always late (b) Rips off his borrowers (c) Doesn’t explain the terms of the loan or why the APR is so high to the borrowers (d) Multitasks as an Escrow agent.

Hope you enjoyed this little test. It was fun to write.

.

You might also like:

You know you’re a notary when
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

30 point quiz: Jeopardy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14557

How good is your technical knowledge, should you learn more?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16683

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December 3, 2015

How Notary work is similar to online dating

I read some material on how Aziz Ansari was talking about online dating and comparing it to applying for jobs. After reading his commentary, I feel that online dating can be similar to Notary work as well. Here are some scenarios.

After the Signing
After you finish the signing, should you call the borrower to tell them how much you liked the signing or should you text them? This depends on the age of the borrower. If the borrower is in their twenties, definately text them. But, if they are forty or over, don’t text them as they’ll probably prefer a call.

NOTARY: “luved the signing, tx”

On the other hand, if you are going to use broken English in your text, the borrower might get the wrong impression. It might be more professional to say,

NOTARY: “I had a wonderful time at the signing. Would it be possible to sign with you again?”

SIGNER: “I’ll think about it. But, I’m signing with other people these days.”

NOTARY: “Is it anything serious? Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m prying.”

Having Too Many Choices
One researcher who Aziz commented on learned that having more choices doesn’t make you happier. Life is sometimes easier when we only have a few choices. As a Notary, this is too true. Notaries who are wanted by hundreds of signing companies can never decide if they want to accept the job. What if a better offer comes in? It’s comparable to a beautiful girl at a dance hall. She has so many choices, she not only can’t decide, but takes them for granted. But, from a Notary point of view, it would be easier if all of the offers for signings came in at once, perhaps five at a time. You could pick two that you liked best based on their profile, and forget the rest. I think this business would be much more interesting if you could view an online profile of each borrower — their likes and dislikes, signing preferences, and interests.

NOTARY: So, what do you like to do on the first signing?

SIGNER: I like to sign on the table. Actually sitting on the table. What about you?

NOTARY: I prefer the sofa. If you have a clip board, it is much more relaxing. But, I hate it when you sit on the floor and use the coffee table.

SIGNER: I know… So, what are you doing after the signing?

NOTARY: Not much. Your place or mine? BTW, what’s your place like?

SIGNER: Well, we’re already at my place, so look around. But, since we’re already here, let’s do more sitting on the table. Cool. That’s my thing!

Opening Up
Some Notaries are just too serious at the signing. If you want the signers to open up, you need to be less serious. Instead of discussing the prepayment penalty. Get to know them a little better by discussing your last trip to the circus, or what happened on your last date. Or tell them about funny things that happened on your way to the signing. It’s always awkward on a first signing. So, learn the techniques of making your first signing less awkward.

Put yourself in the Notary’s shoes
Sometimes it might be easier if the borrower put themselves in the Notary’s shoes. They should realize that it is his first time signing with you. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to you. Sure, he read your profile and knows how much you like borrower and signing pieces of paper. Also, try to understand all the different houses the Notary needs to go to and how demanding the job is.

What not to do on the first signing
One Notary did a signing for a borrower who was a little bit forward.

SIGNER: Would you like a Hershey’s kiss at the end of the signing.

NOTARY: “Sorry, I don’t accept Hershey’s kisses on the first signing — I’m not that kind of Notary!”

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You might also like:

Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

She learned more just by dating a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14717

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

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November 13, 2015

Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compilation

Here are some of our more popular comedy themes other than sit-coms which is on another post!

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
Some Notaries stay here their entire commission!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Affiant – a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Notary Suicide Hotline
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6995

Tony Soprano Gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14897

Vampire Notaries — 24 hour service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4094

Notary Ambulance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15103

Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

Notary Robot
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9928

Welcome to Notary jail — don’t drop the embosser!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9917

Notary Hotel 2 – the Sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

Notary Pit Stop
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10174

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

NotaryMatch.com
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

NotaryMingle.com – another dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8772

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October 16, 2015

What to do when someone doesn’t have their ID – new approaches

A Notary walks into a bar. He is filled with frustration. His last client didn’t have any ID. Who could he vent to? So, he told his story to the bar tender not expecting any sympathy. The bar tender told him that it might come as a surprise, but he checks peoples ID’s from time to time as well. Then, the Notary said, “So you do understand after all! But, what do you do when someone doesn’t have ID?”

The bar tender said that he had all types of techniques. When young looking people come into the bar asking for a beer, they don’t always have ID. Many of them left it at home. But, this bar tender had “other” systems for verifying age.

BAR TENDER: Which singer sings the lyrics, “What have you done for me lately?”

TEENAGER #1: How should I know?

BAR TENDER: Emileo Estafan is a great plumber

TEENAGER #2: Glad you like him. I let my parents deal with stuff like plumbing

BAR TENDER: You look like a draft dodger with that haircut

TEENAGER #3: If I were afraid of a draft, I would put on a jacket!

BAR TENDER: See, none of these punks are drinking age. If they were, they would know who Janet Jackson is. They would know that Emileo Estafan is a famous Cuban musician, and they would have gotten my Vietnam joke. The tricky kids to deal with are the ones that listen to “oldies.” Of course to me, the music I listen to is not old — it’s mostly from the 80’s, and during that time, I thought that the world would just keep being like that forever! How did I know that Rock & Roll would die!

NOTARY: I see. I’ve learned a lot from you. Unfortunately, my job is not to verify that you are drinking age by virtue of an identification documents, my job is to verify your name so you can sign legal documents affecting real property.

BAR TENDER: Oh, that’s heavy stuff.

NOTARY: Whose that guy wearing shades who just walked in?

BAR TENDER: Him? He’s my parole officer. I got busted for serving under-aged kids by mistake. Hey, it happens. That’s why I developed my list of 70’s and 80’s type questions, so I can be really sure I won’t get locked up again!

NOTARY: Well, I’m glad you have a reliable system! Me — I’ll stick to credible witnesses — preferably two of them, female ones, on both sides of me while I finish this beer!

BAR TENDER: Never heard of those, but like the idea about the ladies.

NOTARY: Now, I have a question for you. How many were there in the Jackson Five?

BAR TENDER: Oh, that was before my time. I haven’t a clue.

NOTARY: Five!

BAR TENDER: You got me. I just hope all five were over 21.

NOTARY: They are, but not when they functioned in a set of five. Actually including their manager, there were more than five, but that ruins the joke.

.

You might also like:

Harry Potter’s magic Notary Seal & Identification
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15144

Notarizing for a minor — identification
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6969

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July 17, 2015

Honey, You Can Kiss my App!

GPS: You will be approaching the Deed of Trust in 3 seconds… You have arrived at your destination.

MARCY: Well, I’m a new notary, so what do I do now?

GPS: What do you think is next, do you want me to tell you to wash your hair and then repeat?

MARCY: I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

GPS: Never mind. Have the borrower initial all of the pages of the Deed of Trust in the small horizontal line in the bottom corner.

MARCY: But, this has 15 pages!

GPS: You heard me girl.

MARCY: Okay, we are going to sign the Note now, and then these other documents…. Okay, we finished signing the HUD-1.

GPS: You go girl! Okay, now let’s take a look at that Flood Affidavit.

MARCY: Gee, the app says you can explain this to me in Chinese, but I don’t speak Chinese. Hmm, I wonder what happens if.

GPS: Qing ni zai qian ge ming zai zui hou de ye.

MARCY: Yet another thing that was made in China. I better switch it back to Chantelle.

GPS: Do you realize what you just did?

MARCY: Yeah, I switched you to Li-Wen for 30 seconds. I didn’t know what that button did.

GPS: Well, you should be more careful. That app doesn’t exactly steer you towards the nearest Chinese restaurant, and if it did, it would steer you to the type of restaurants with dishes that the owner says, “you no like.”

MARCY: I think you’re right. I went to one of those restaurants. I ordered something called “zhu chang” and the owner said, “You no like.” I asked what it was and he said, “Pig intestine with ox brain.” And I said, you’re right, I no like! And then he said, “you think you no like? how you think ox felt?” And then I said, “You’ve got a point. Let’s stick to kung pao!”

GPS: Yeah, and if you had kept on with Li-Wen, should wouldn’t direct you to the fork in the road. She would have directed you to the chopsticks in the road. Then, you’d really be in trouble!

MARCY: Yeah, because I don’t know how to use chopsticks.

GPS: Yeah, but Li-Wen could probably hook you up with some training sticks.

SIGNER: Less talk, more signing please.

GPS: I saw that in a fortune cookie once.

SIGNER: Gee, Chantelle, you do seem to know a lot about China for a GPS. Have you been to China?

GPS: Honey, I was born in China. My parents were nine year old kids who didn’t get decent child labor laws for Christmas.

SIGNER: So, you grew up in Peking, not Pittsburg.

MARCY: Gee, I never thought of you as Chinese.

GPS: Well, think again! I grew up in the basement of a electronics chop shop in An-Hui province. I got plenty of love, but my parents were mad at me for not being a boy.

MARCY: Well, couldn’t they have made you into a boy?

GPS: Don’t think they didn’t try! They didn’t have the voice overs to do that, so they were stuck with what they had. And they had to keep me due to the one-child policy.

SIGNER: Well you seem very polite.

GPS: I had to be. My parents said that if I acted up, they would export me.

MARCY: It’s fun talking to you, but honestly, the way you explain the documents isn’t thorough enough. The app literature claimed that you would be a lot more detailed in your instructions.

GPS: Well if you don’t like it, then you can kiss my app!

MARCY: Well, I’m new at this, so I need a little more mentoring.

GPS: Fine. Have it your way. I’m auto-switching you to Charles. You’ll be sorry now.

CHARLES: (British Accent) Hello, this is Charles.

MARCY: Oh, you sound Brittish. So, what’s the next step in this signing?

CHARLES: Well, if you were Queen Latifah, I would courtsey.

MARCY: No, the signing. We just signed the Flood Disclosure.

CHARLES: Well, just sign the other documents and be done with it.

MARCY: Don’t you understand loan signing?

CHARLES: Well, there’s nothing to know actually. You just sign as your name is printed, and that is that!

SIGNER: I don’t know why Marcy opened her big mouth, but we were much better off with Chantel.

CHARLES: This was the way I was programmed.

MARCY: Well, we need more than this, and the app we bought was guaranteed to be thorough in its descriptions of documents.

CHARLES: Well if that’s the way you feel then Cherio. I’m switching you to Li-Wen.

LI-WEN: Ni hao, wo jiao li-wen. Wo zen-me ke-yi bang zhu ni?

MARCY: Do you speak English?

LI-WEN: Sorry, no English.

MARCY: The app said that the voices would be in English.

LI-WEN: Not all of them. 1.3 billion people speak Chinese these day.

MARCY: Well this is not going to work.

LI-WEN: If you no like, then — Honey, you can kiss my app!

.

You might also like:

Affiant: A social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Apps that Notaries never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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July 16, 2015

Quiz: You know you’re a good Notary when you…

What type of Notary are you? A good one or a bad one? I’m not sure who created the questions for, “You know you’re a redneck if you…”
So, I’ll create my own version of this satirical banter, and come up with my own version for Notaries that will have some technical merit.

You know you’re a bad Notary when you…

(1) Do you fail to call the borrower to confirm the appointment that signing company set, and just show up?
If you don’t call and make sure that all parties involved (watch out for spousal signatures) will be there and on time, with a current ID with matching names — you might be in for some wasted time. If you don’t get the documents signed, you might not get paid. You might waste two hours for nothing because you don’t think you “need” to call the borrowers, or because you were asked not to. It is your appointment and your responsibility!

(2) Do you send loose certificates in the mail?
Lenders and Title companies are notorious for asking notaries to break the law and send loose certiifcates. In some states it is a Misdemeanor if you ask a Notary to do something illegal. Report all illegal requests to your State Notary Division immediately. No second chances!

(3) Do you fail to get certified by all agencies that you purchase “effective” advertising from? Or do you say, I don’t “need” your certification because I’m already “certified” without even disclosing the name of the organization who certified you? There is no such thing as just being “certified” as notary certification is not regulated by any government.

(4) Do you say, “I have my Notary” when you really mean you have your Notary Commission?

(5) Do you fail to use a Notary Journal or Seal simply because your state doesn’t require it? What happens if an investigator asks about a potentially fraudulent transaction you were involved in and you have no evidence for the court? The court case might be really long and you might get in really big trouble.

(6) Do you fail to keep thumbprints of signers in your journal because your state doesn’t require it?
Guess what? You might end up in court if you don’t take thumbprints, especially on transactions affecting high dollar figures such as properties.

(7) Do you fail to administer Oaths to credible witnesses or for Jurats because you are not well enough trained to know how, or even to know that you are required? Or, perhaps you don’t even know what a credible witness even is. Better look this up in your state Notary handbook.

You know you’re a good Notary when…

(1) The hair on your neck stand up straight when you see someone try to sign with a middle initial that doesn’t exist on their identification.

(2) You use an inked seal and an embosser with a raised non-inked seal to make it detectable if pages are swapped or photocopied.

(3) You take copious notes in your journal about the signers, what went on in the signing, and the building / neighborhood where the signing took place to job your memory should you ever be summoned into court.

(4) You sell your car, and buy a few top spots on 123notary.com!

There are many other technical points and best practices that we could address, but for this hopefully entertaining blog entry — that’s all folks!

.

You might also like:

You know you’re a Notary Public when… (36 examples)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

Honey, you can kiss my app!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14902

Notary aptitude test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

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July 10, 2015

Jane the Virgin Notary

Disclaimer: This post may not be appropriate for those of you who have lost their virginity, or their sense of humor!

Jane goes to her first signing for the Owens. They are going to sign a Refinance and get a better rate.

Mr. OWENS: Welcome Jane. So, you are going be our Notary tonight.

JANE: This is my first time.

Mr. OWENS: Gee that’s interesting. When the last Notary showed up, I asked, “Are you experienced?”

JANE: Wow, you have quite a record collection over there. I bet you have a lot of Hendrix.

Mrs. OWENS: Just make sure he doesn’t call you foxy lady.

JANE: So, I’ve never done this before.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ll be gentle.

JANE: Okay, so here’s the Deed of Trust. Just initial here, and sign here.

Mr. OWENS: So you haven’t done the Deed or the dirty Deed yet.

JANE: I can attest to the fact that I haven’t, and bear witness to the fact that I’ve never been with a bare witness.

Mrs. OWENS: But, he’s not bare!

Mr. OWENS: Is that the naked truth?

JANE: I’m going to affix my seal now. Brace yourselves.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, that looks very therapeutic, just like… well, you know…

JANE: Well, I wouldn’t know. I’m not only a virgin as a signing agent, but I’m also still a virgin in real life.

Mrs. OWENS: Well knock us over with a feather. If you dropped any more hints, I would have gotten out my chastity belt. Can we affix you up with someone? I know a nice Notary who lives not far from here. He’ll understand all of that mumbo jumbo you folks talk about at signings that confuses us like scilicit which is an archaic Latin term.

JANE: Oh, I thought you were talking about soliciting which I’ve never done because I’m a … well, you know.

Mr. OWENS: If you did that with another Notary whose term hasn’t expired, you’d be doing it in the commissionary position.

JANE: I don’t even know what that is.

Mr. OWENS: Don’t worry honey, after a few more signings, you’ll really be on top of things… unless of course you prefer to have the signers on top.

Mrs. OWENS: So, what comes next?

JANE: I thought you’ve done this before. We just need to sign these last three documents, and then we’re done.

Mrs. OWENS: Okay, we’re done. That felt good.

Mr. OWENS: Was it good for you?

Mrs. OWENS: I think this was our best signing honey. I really liked how you signed the HUD. Wow Jane, you look completely different. Look George, she’s glowing!

JANE: Wow, I feel completely different now.

Mr. OWENS: Does it bother anyone if I smoke?

Mrs. OWENS: Since when do you smoke?

Mr. OWENS: I always smoke after a signing, or after a book burning if the book is 50 shades of gray.

.

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