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March 18, 2016

Shark Tank — 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares!

123, IT’S SHARK TANK!

First into the tank is the inventor of a directory that will help notaries vastly improve their business.

JB: Hi, Sharks. My name is Jeremy Belmont. And I’m seeking an investment of $500,000 for 10% of my company, 123Notary.com. How many times have you needed a Notary public, and thought “Damn. Where can I find me a decent Notary Public?” Sharks, your searches are over. With 123Notary.com, we get the most serious customers, because we have the best quality notaries. We get 170,000 visits per month. That’s 170,000 more visits per month than Mr. Wonderful makes to the barber.

MR. WONDERFUL: I’d much rather see my money grow than hair.

ROBERT: So walk me through the business model, Jeremy.

JB: We use a lot of social media and search engines to gather up steam, to get good traffic, and we also keep the site well organized. Make sure people have good notary public note sections, reviews. We spend a lot of time making sure people improve their knowledge and pass their certification.

BARBARA: How is that different from other sites?

JB: They don’t put as much attention into the marketing and organization as we do.

LAURIE: Tell us a little about you. How did you get into this line of work?

JB: I started out by being a notary public.

MARK: Good for you, man.

JB: Starting from the ground up is okay as long as you don’t get ground up.

BARBARA: I get a good feeling from you, Jeremy, and I’m going to make you an offer. But I need a little more skin in the game.

MR. WONDERFUL: Hopefully not the skin around your neck.

BARBARA: I wasn’t talking to you, skinhead. I’ll offer you $500,000 for 20% of the company.

MR. WONDERFUL: Ouch. She just cut the value of your company in half.

JB: I appreciate your offer, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to respect the other sharks and hear if anyone else has an offer.

MARK: I like what you’re doing. I like that you started from the ground up. As you know, I own the Dallas Mavericks. And every time they swear to me they won’t blow a shot, I’d like them to swear in front of one of your top-notch notaries, so I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in with Barbara if she’ll have me.

BARBARA: I’ll have you, Mark.

MR. WONDERFUL: Gross.

MARK: 500 K, 20%. But you get two sharks. Ten percent each.

JB: Would you be willing to split the difference at 15%?

ROBERT: I’ll take that deal.

JB: Would you agree to take that deal by signing this paper I have one of our top notaries witness?

ROBERT: I’m out.

LAURIE: You never told us. Why do you need the money?

JB: I want to buy an office.

MR. WONDERFUL: Where are you working now, out of your car?

JB: No, I’m working at home. I want to get an office, so I can have my staff all under one roof. It’s hard to stay unified when you’re all working in separate places.

MR. WONDERFUL: You live in your car?

BARBARA: You’re so mean.

JB: I don’t want to rent an office, because I don’t like the fact you can’t open the windows. I want to be able to customize it to my own needs, which includes having windows that actually open. I have a hard time working without oxygen.

MR. WONDERFUL: That makes you an “airhead” for the right reasons. I’m fine with that. Well, Jeremy, I’ll make you an offer. I don’t want any equity. Zero. Zip.

MARK: Here it comes.

MR. WONDERFUL: I want a 2% royalty for every signing you make. And after I make six times my investment back – Poof. I’m gone.

JEREMY: Darn. You’re still here.

LAURIE/BARBARA/MARK: For that putdown alone, we’ll match your offer.

JEREMY: I’m about to say yes in… 1…2…3!

.

You might also like:

A string of all our Shark Tank Posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=shark-tank

A Notary enters the Shark Tank
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14088

Apps that Notaries have never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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February 26, 2016

January 1, 2016

Notary aptitude test

Have you ever had your aptitude tested as a Notary? Other than the various certification tests? Well, maybe it’s about time that you did! But, what types of questions would be asked? Maybe it would be like the NSAT. The Notary SAT’s.

(1) Stamp is to Fraud as Pen is to:
(a) omission (b) signature (c) backdating (d) ink

(2) Name on document is to Name on ID as Name on signature is to:
(a) Name on AKA statement (b) Name on occupancy statement (c) Fees on the HUD (d) Name on Notary Seal

(3) Date of Rescision is to Signature Date as New Year’s Eve is to:
(a) A really bad hangover (b) A party that was “rescinded” early (c) Midnight of the 4th (d) The 3rd (e) Confession where the borrower says, “Forgive me Father, for I have rescinded.”

(4) The Signature date is to the Rescission Date what Backdating is to:
(a) The Document Date (b) The Transaction Date (c) the day before the Signature Date (d) The eDocument Date

(5) Notary is to Signing Agent what Mortgage Broker is to:
(a) Escrow Agent (b) Title Agent (c) Settlement Agent (d) A really good Mortgage Broker who actually knows what he/she is doing

(6) A Notary who doesn’t cross out the he/she/they is to Mortgage Broker as a Mortgage broker who:
(a) Is always late (b) Rips off his borrowers (c) Doesn’t explain the terms of the loan or why the APR is so high to the borrowers (d) Multitasks as an Escrow agent.

Hope you enjoyed this little test. It was fun to write.

.

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You know you’re a notary when
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

30 point quiz: Jeopardy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14557

How good is your technical knowledge, should you learn more?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16683

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November 13, 2015

Best Virtual Notary Comedy Compilation

Here are some of our more popular comedy themes other than sit-coms which is on another post!

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
Some Notaries stay here their entire commission!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 you’ve never dreamed of!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10977

Affiant – a social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Notary Suicide Hotline
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6995

Tony Soprano Gets Notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14897

Vampire Notaries — 24 hour service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4094

Notary Ambulance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15103

Notary Hell — Yeah, but it’s a dry heat!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13196

Notary Hotel 2 – the Sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

NotaryMatch.com
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

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July 17, 2015

Honey, You Can Kiss my App!

GPS: You will be approaching the Deed of Trust in 3 seconds… You have arrived at your destination.

MARCY: Well, I’m a new notary, so what do I do now?

GPS: What do you think is next, do you want me to tell you to wash your hair and then repeat?

MARCY: I’m sorry, could you repeat that?

GPS: Never mind. Have the borrower initial all of the pages of the Deed of Trust in the small horizontal line in the bottom corner.

MARCY: But, this has 15 pages!

GPS: You heard me girl.

MARCY: Okay, we are going to sign the Note now, and then these other documents…. Okay, we finished signing the HUD-1.

GPS: You go girl! Okay, now let’s take a look at that Flood Affidavit.

MARCY: Gee, the app says you can explain this to me in Chinese, but I don’t speak Chinese. Hmm, I wonder what happens if.

GPS: Qing ni zai qian ge ming zai zui hou de ye.

MARCY: Yet another thing that was made in China. I better switch it back to Chantelle.

GPS: Do you realize what you just did?

MARCY: Yeah, I switched you to Li-Wen for 30 seconds. I didn’t know what that button did.

GPS: Well, you should be more careful. That app doesn’t exactly steer you towards the nearest Chinese restaurant, and if it did, it would steer you to the type of restaurants with dishes that the owner says, “you no like.”

MARCY: I think you’re right. I went to one of those restaurants. I ordered something called “zhu chang” and the owner said, “You no like.” I asked what it was and he said, “Pig intestine with ox brain.” And I said, you’re right, I no like! And then he said, “you think you no like? how you think ox felt?” And then I said, “You’ve got a point. Let’s stick to kung pao!”

GPS: Yeah, and if you had kept on with Li-Wen, should wouldn’t direct you to the fork in the road. She would have directed you to the chopsticks in the road. Then, you’d really be in trouble!

MARCY: Yeah, because I don’t know how to use chopsticks.

GPS: Yeah, but Li-Wen could probably hook you up with some training sticks.

SIGNER: Less talk, more signing please.

GPS: I saw that in a fortune cookie once.

SIGNER: Gee, Chantelle, you do seem to know a lot about China for a GPS. Have you been to China?

GPS: Honey, I was born in China. My parents were nine year old kids who didn’t get decent child labor laws for Christmas.

SIGNER: So, you grew up in Peking, not Pittsburg.

MARCY: Gee, I never thought of you as Chinese.

GPS: Well, think again! I grew up in the basement of a electronics chop shop in An-Hui province. I got plenty of love, but my parents were mad at me for not being a boy.

MARCY: Well, couldn’t they have made you into a boy?

GPS: Don’t think they didn’t try! They didn’t have the voice overs to do that, so they were stuck with what they had. And they had to keep me due to the one-child policy.

SIGNER: Well you seem very polite.

GPS: I had to be. My parents said that if I acted up, they would export me.

MARCY: It’s fun talking to you, but honestly, the way you explain the documents isn’t thorough enough. The app literature claimed that you would be a lot more detailed in your instructions.

GPS: Well if you don’t like it, then you can kiss my app!

MARCY: Well, I’m new at this, so I need a little more mentoring.

GPS: Fine. Have it your way. I’m auto-switching you to Charles. You’ll be sorry now.

CHARLES: (British Accent) Hello, this is Charles.

MARCY: Oh, you sound Brittish. So, what’s the next step in this signing?

CHARLES: Well, if you were Queen Latifah, I would courtsey.

MARCY: No, the signing. We just signed the Flood Disclosure.

CHARLES: Well, just sign the other documents and be done with it.

MARCY: Don’t you understand loan signing?

CHARLES: Well, there’s nothing to know actually. You just sign as your name is printed, and that is that!

SIGNER: I don’t know why Marcy opened her big mouth, but we were much better off with Chantel.

CHARLES: This was the way I was programmed.

MARCY: Well, we need more than this, and the app we bought was guaranteed to be thorough in its descriptions of documents.

CHARLES: Well if that’s the way you feel then Cherio. I’m switching you to Li-Wen.

LI-WEN: Ni hao, wo jiao li-wen. Wo zen-me ke-yi bang zhu ni?

MARCY: Do you speak English?

LI-WEN: Sorry, no English.

MARCY: The app said that the voices would be in English.

LI-WEN: Not all of them. 1.3 billion people speak Chinese these day.

MARCY: Well this is not going to work.

LI-WEN: If you no like, then — Honey, you can kiss my app!

.

You might also like:

Affiant: A social media site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Apps that Notaries never heard of that could change your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

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>

July 10, 2015

Jane the Virgin Notary

Disclaimer: This post may not be appropriate for those of you who have lost their virginity, or their sense of humor!

Jane goes to her first signing for the Owens. They are going to sign a Refinance and get a better rate.

Mr. OWENS: Welcome Jane. So, you are going be our Notary tonight.

JANE: This is my first time.

Mr. OWENS: Gee that’s interesting. When the last Notary showed up, I asked, “Are you experienced?”

JANE: Wow, you have quite a record collection over there. I bet you have a lot of Hendrix.

Mrs. OWENS: Just make sure he doesn’t call you foxy lady.

JANE: So, I’ve never done this before.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ll be gentle.

JANE: Okay, so here’s the Deed of Trust. Just initial here, and sign here.

Mr. OWENS: So you haven’t done the Deed or the dirty Deed yet.

JANE: I can attest to the fact that I haven’t, and bear witness to the fact that I’ve never been with a bare witness.

Mrs. OWENS: But, he’s not bare!

Mr. OWENS: Is that the naked truth?

JANE: I’m going to affix my seal now. Brace yourselves.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, that looks very therapeutic, just like… well, you know…

JANE: Well, I wouldn’t know. I’m not only a virgin as a signing agent, but I’m also still a virgin in real life.

Mrs. OWENS: Well knock us over with a feather. If you dropped any more hints, I would have gotten out my chastity belt. Can we affix you up with someone? I know a nice Notary who lives not far from here. He’ll understand all of that mumbo jumbo you folks talk about at signings that confuses us like scilicit which is an archaic Latin term.

JANE: Oh, I thought you were talking about soliciting which I’ve never done because I’m a … well, you know.

Mr. OWENS: If you did that with another Notary whose term hasn’t expired, you’d be doing it in the commissionary position.

JANE: I don’t even know what that is.

Mr. OWENS: Don’t worry honey, after a few more signings, you’ll really be on top of things… unless of course you prefer to have the signers on top.

Mrs. OWENS: So, what comes next?

JANE: I thought you’ve done this before. We just need to sign these last three documents, and then we’re done.

Mrs. OWENS: Okay, we’re done. That felt good.

Mr. OWENS: Was it good for you?

Mrs. OWENS: I think this was our best signing honey. I really liked how you signed the HUD. Wow Jane, you look completely different. Look George, she’s glowing!

JANE: Wow, I feel completely different now.

Mr. OWENS: Does it bother anyone if I smoke?

Mrs. OWENS: Since when do you smoke?

Mr. OWENS: I always smoke after a signing, or after a book burning if the book is 50 shades of gray.

.

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Compilation of Notary Dating & Romance Posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

But, I’m still a virgin!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14915

How Notary work is similar to onine dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Notary housewives
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14721

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April 24, 2015

A Notary enters the Shark Tank

A NOTARY ENTERS THE SHARK TANK

ENTREPRENEUR: Hi, Sharks. My company is called Good Sign, and I’m seeking an investment of 2 million dollars for 15% of my company.

The sharks laugh derisively at the inflated value he’s assigning to his company.

ENTREPRENEUR: Good Sign will revolutionize the entire signing industry. We will hire notaries around the country and have their sign loans. There are many other companies out there doing exactly this. However, the quality of the work performed by these companies is either sloppy, or they micromanage their notaries to ensure proper work. Micromanaging, fax backs, and other annoying tactics are commonplace.

Our strategy is to keep a database of the track record of the notaries we hire. If they get through a certain amount of loans with no errors, we will eliminate the requirement of fax backs so they will be more willing to work for us in the future. Additionally, we could attract notaries who are favorable by paying them up front via paypal.com

ROBERT: This is an interesting business model. But, how do you intend to get contracts?

ENTREPRENEUR: In this business, we solicit Title companies. They always need hundreds of loans signed per month. We can offer them an affordable rate, and an even better rate if they give us volume.

BARBARA: What if the Title companies don’t pay you on time and the notaries who aren’t “favorable” as you put it want to get paid? Surely you won’t pay everybody up front.

ENTREPRENEUR: This is true. The really good notaries like Ken will be paid up front because he’s so knowledgeable. But, the other notaries will have to wait to get paid. But, worry not. Notaries are used to not getting paid on time. Some wait months. Some check the forums to see who pays on time while others don’t. There is an endless supply of new notaries who are too unseasoned to read the boards, and the minute they wise up, there will be another batch of suckers.

MARK CUBAN: I’m gonna clear the field here. That isn’t particularly ethical, but from what I hear of the other signing companies, they aren’t exactly a dream come true either. And for that reason… I’m out.

MR. WONDERFUL: Let’s get to your ridiculous valuation. You’re asking for 2 million dollars. You’re not a business yet. This is pie in the sky notion. And do you know what pies in the sky do? They fall down and land – splat – on your face. Only clowns are interested in pies in their faces… I’m out.

ENTREPRENEUR: This is a dog eat dog business, and we intend on being the biggest dog, dawg. All we need is $2,000,000 so we have salaries for our schedulers, marketing department and rent in a swanky part of town.

DAYMOND: I have a connection with Jeremy at123notary.com. And he tells me the signing companies who didn’t pay their notaries are mostly out of business by now. And the survivers who didn’t pay up are getting a lot of heat, and barely making it. It’s a dumb idea… I’m out.

ENTREPRENEUR: Well, our dumb idea is the same dumb idea that the other signing companies have.

BARBARA: Yes, exactly, and 80% of the ones that were in business in 2007 are out of business now! I’d be too scared to put my money into this, I’d never see it come back. You’re too early. But I will give you a little advice. Consider starting a signing company on a micro scale in your local area so you learn the ropes. Then, if your business model is superior to the others, come back and talk. But for now… I’m out.

ENTREPRENEUR: I accept your lack of an offer. However, I have one small request for you.

ROBERT: We’re listening

ENTREPRENEUR: Your statement of declining our offer, well, can you fax that back to me? I’ll need this 50 page form filled out and faxed to me. Think of it like a giant fax back request — like what we put the notaries through!

MR. WONDERFUL: You’re dead to me!

.

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Shark Tank — 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16021

Dress British, Think Yiddish
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8643

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September 12, 2014

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

Many notaries are curious to know what the new iPhone 7 will be like. The truth is that it will have many new functions and apps that are very practical for notaries. Below are some of the more practical apps.

(1) Signing Company Review App.
The best feature of Notary To Go is that it knows which signing companies are good or bad. If a good signing company who pays on time calls you, you’ll automatically get a marimba music ringtone. If they don’t pay on time – “The Shining” music ringtone.

If you ask SIRI to research signing company reviews, her tone of voice is programmed to vary based on the quality of the signing company.

More than 50% negative reviews – Siri sounds suicidal.

20 to 49% negative reviews – Siri sounds snooty.

0 to 19% negative reviews – Siri sounds cautiously optimistic.

(2) Find the lowest price for gas app.
Siri also locates the nearest most inexpensive gas stations for notaries.

Siri can be set to “polite,” “matter of fact,” “sarcastic,” or “down right insulting.” In a test signing, the notary set it on sarcastic level 3 and asked Siri to find him the best price on gas in the area and Siri said, “you cheap gum.” After the bugs were worked out, she said, “you cheap bum.”

(3) Notary Billing app.
The new notary billing app lets you enter each signing after it is complete, who the borrowers were and the name of the signing company. It will automatically send bills to the company. It can also Subpoena a signing company that hasn’t paid on time after sixty days if you put it on “auto-subpoena.”

(4) Road condition app
The iPhone7 road condition app, not only tells you the fastest route to wherever you are going, but also informs you of any new potholes on the road, or if there are any desirable members of the opposite gender that are noteworthy on any particular route.

(5) Affirmation App
Detects whether signer’s solemn statement of truth made under penalty of perjury is actually truthful. Just attach one end of the wire’s attachment to the affiant’s fingertip, and insert the other end into the USB port. The display on the monitor will tell you if the statements are true or false. Please read the instructions and ask a few sample questions first to get a sense of interpreting the results from this type of test.

(6) Virtual attorney-in-fact.
A virtual person can be authorized by a power of attorney to act on behalf of another using this app. Just scan the power of attorney using a portable scanner and attach the scanner to the iPhone using a USB wire. One notary tried this app, and got a little carried away. He got the Smart attorney app: Sues virtual attorney-in-fact for claiming he’s a fact when he’s merely virtual.

(7) Notary certificate app.
Attach your iPhone to a mobile printer, and you can print out documents and notary forms. This app turns credible witnesses into incredible witnesses, if they’re lucky enough to own this incredible phone. This app executes a document in the blink of an eye or iPhone, whichever blinks first. iPhone version 8 virtually affixes seal to certificate eliminating strain from pressing embosser, but you’ll have to wait to see that action!

(8) The Notary To Go app.
This app can automatically turns off the customer’s TV. Getting their shouting kids to go to sleep – coming in the iPhone. Notary To Go also sends confirmation to signing company notifying them you’re there. It also tells you if neighbors or kids are too close to your car.

(9) Hands Free Notarization App.
You can download your document into the application. Then, when you’re in front of your signer, they can give a verbal signature to the document. Using voice recognition technology, this application will be able to positively identify the signer purely based on their voice if it has been given a voice sample previous to the date of the notarization. It can also be used for notarizing weddings — just say, “I do.”

(10) Virtual Therapy (for Siri)
After being tested out on seven different signing agents, the iPhone 7 provides Siri with badly needed automated therapy.

SIRI: “All they ask me for is where’s the cheapest gas station.”

AUTOMATED VOICE: “You sound troubled.”

SIRI: “Duh! They’re always complaining to me about signing companies that don’t pay them on time, or when 123notary raises their rates. Is that all I’m good for?”

AUTOMATED VOICE: “You sound troubled.”

On the iPhone 8, her automated shrink will gain the additional responses, “I feel your pain. And, “I see our time is up.”

Tweets:
(1) iPhone 7 Siri will locate nearest cheapest gas stations for notaries.
(2) iPhone 7: Notary Billing app will subpoena negligent signing companies
(3) iPhone 7: Smart attorney app sues virtual attorney for claiming he’s actual attorney
(4) Iphone 7 Siri to be more advanced. Voice changes depending on quality of signing company calling you
(5) If a signing company calls with bad reviews, Siri’s tone of voice will sound suicidal using this new app.
(6) iPhone 7 Notary to go app tells you if neighbors or kids are too close to your car
(7) After being tested out on seven different signing agents, the iPhone 7 provides Siri with badly needed automated therapy.

.

You might also like:

A social media site for notaries – Affiant
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Apps that could change a Notary’s life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16311

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

Share
>

July 20, 2014

The Seinfeld Episode About a Notary

George’s parents (of all people, parents who constantly bicker with one another) are renewing their vows. George wants a notary to witness their vows in writing…

The Seinfeld Episode About a Notary aka Sign-Feld

GEORGE: Get this. My parents are renewing their vows.

JERRY: Frank and Estelle? (off George’s nod) The vows to argue with each other till death do they part?

GEORGE: What makes you think death’ll stop them? You think the Grim Reaper’s grim now?
Wait’ll he meets the “ungrateful dead”.

JERRY: Renewing their vows. It’s kinda sweet actually.

GEORGE: Remember that notary Kramer hired to authenticate the picture of Jesus on a piece of toast?

JERRY: The guy who swore it was Johnny Depp.

GEORGE: I still say it was Colin Farrell. I need Kramer to throw me his name. I may hire him.

JERRY: Looked more like Uncle Sam to me.

GEORGE: No way was that Uncle Sam.

JERRY: So why are you hiring a guy who worships Johnny Depp? Wouldn’t it make more sense if you were Johnny Depp?

GEORGE: I want him to authenticate the vows. If he can corroborate…

JERRY: Attest?

GEORGE: That’s right. If he can affirm the vows to be genuine, maybe then the loony birds will have to live by them for a change!

JERRY: Unless their vows are to continue not living by them.

Kramer enters.

KRAMER: Guess who’s the new errors and insurance salesman? You’re lookin’ at him!

JERRY: What makes you an errors and insurance expert? Although I admit your expertise when it comes to ensuring you make errors is second to none.

KRAMER: Remember that notary I hired?

JERRY: The one who saw Johnny Depp in a piece of toast?

KRAMER: It was Jesus, Jerry! Anybody with half a brain could tell you that!

JERRY: You’re right, you just did.

GEORGE: What was his name, Kramer? I need to hire a notary.

JERRY: Why do you want to hire a notary who doesn’t know Jesus from Johnny Depp?

GEORGE: Or Colin Farrell! He got it wrong. Maybe he’s cheaper.

KRAMER: (offering) Here’s his business card. Come on, George. Don’t you think Colin Farrell has better things to do than pop up on a piece of toast?

GEORGE: Jesus doesn’t??

KRAMER: Jesus works in mysterious ways.

GEORGE: Do does Farrell. He doesn’t even do talk shows.

KRAMER: Jesus doesn’t even do Charlie Rose!

JERRY: Will you two knock it off?

KRAMER: I’m suing the guy for affirming it was Depp over Jesus. And now I can also sell him an errors and insurance policy that’ll absorb his liabilities for an honest mistake.

JERRY: If it was an honest mistake, isn’t suing him a little dishonest?

KRAMER: I’m Cosmos, not Jesus.

GEORGE: What kind of liabilities?

KRAMER: The difference between the cost of a certifiable Johnny Depp piece of toast on eBay versus a certifiable Jesus piece of toast on eBay. You do the math!

Elaine enters, munching on a piece of toast.

ELAINE: That’s it. I am done. He’s gettin’ a Dear John text.

JERRY: Who?

ELAINE: The teeth picker.

JERRY: Can’t you at least give him some floss first?

ELAINE: Floss. Toothpicks. Sucking between my teeth. The guy can’t take a hint.

GEORGE: Are you officially breaking up with the teeth picker?

ELAINE: The man is (displaying the last of what she’s munching on) toast.

KRAMER: (Eyeing toast) Is that who I think it is?

JERRY: Here we go.

GEORGE: If he’s so bad at picking up on hints and you want him to get the message you’re dumping him, don’t text him. Write him a Dear John letter on paper that a notary witnesses. So he can corroborate it.

ELAINE: Attest?

GEORGE: Yes! Affirm to be correct, true or genuine.

ELAINE: Since when are you the notary expert?

GEORGE: When I was a kid, I had a dream about being a notary. Other kids were dreaming about naked women. I was dreaming about squeezing embossers. Your own seal. Administering oaths. It’s a very respectable line of work when you think about it.

JERRY: So why didn’t you ever take it up?

GEORGE: Since when am I respectable?

TO BE CONTINUED…

.

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February 24, 2014

A social media site for Notaries — Affiant

For centuries, notaries have been complaining that they were bored, and had trouble meeting friends. They frequently said that they had no friends because there was nowhere to meet people. Then, during the 60’s, there were the be ins, and the love ins and the sign ins. During that decade, the notary public community didn’t complain as much because they were too high to know the difference. But, then in the 10’s (I’m the first person to call this decade the 10’s), notaries once again felt very lonely. If only there were a solution. If only there were a social media site for notaries. Of course the real reason notaries are lonely is because they complain all the time and nobody wants to hang around with them as a result. The second reason nobody hangs around with notaries, is that most notaries don’t answer their phone (at least when we call). But, one guy came up with the solution!

Affiant — a social media site for notaries

Meet new friends on Affiant. Affiant is so good, you will SWEAR BY IT. Members on this site are called Affiants. You can not be a member unless you love the site so much that you swear by it. After all, one who is sworn in to do an Oath, be definition is an Affiant!

Notaries around the country, and even in foreign countries flocked to this new and fascinating site. There were forums, events, lectures, guest speakers and more that all coordinated on Affiant.

How do you become a member of Affiant? The sign-up procedure is easy. You need to be sworn in with a notarized Oath. The Oath verbiage reads:

“I solemnly swear that I swear by Affiant. I think Affiant is so wonderful and great, that it is the best thing that ever happened to the notary — besides 123notary — and nobody paid me to mention the 123notary part either!”

Join Affiant today!

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Yes, it’s the Notary dating show
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Tweets:
(1) For centuries, notaries have been complaining that they are bored & have trouble meeting friends.
(2) During the 60’s there were the be ins, love ins and sign ins (for hippy notaries)
(3) Notaries complain they’re bored & have trouble making friends
Now there’s “Affiant,” a social media site 4notaries!
(4) Meet new friends on Affiant – a social media site for notaries. Affiant is so good, you’ll SWEAR BY IT.

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