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October 13, 2011

Best Notary Supplies

Filed under: Signing Tips — Tags: , , , — admin @ 5:58 am

Best Notary Supplies 
There are many companies out there to get notary supplies from.  Unfortunately, local stationary stores seem to either not have any notary supplies, or not have very high quality notary supplies.  Getting a mediocre notary journal is not the same as having a very beautiful and thoughtfully designed one — I know the difference, but do you?
 
There are various ways of going about finding the best notary supply company for you.  You can google notary supply companies in your area or state.  Or, just contact the National Notary Association.  When I was a notary, I used their supplies for my entire career, and was always very impressed with the quality and wide variety of products they carried. But, there are others, and those others might be closer to you, or may cater to your state more.
 
National Notary Association
Located in Chatsworth, CA, they can help you become a notary in any state.  They can help you with live classes in California and have materials for many other states as well.  They carry a variety of seals, stamps, embossers, journals, notary carry all bags, notary law primers for roughly 30 states, errors and omissions insurance, bonds, acknowledgment pads, jurat pads, and many other types of notary certificate pads for all states.

Read our review of the National Notary Association
 
Pennsylvania Association of Notaries
National Notary Association caters to the whole USA, but there are a few other good companies as well.  Pennsylvania Association of Notaries is very well reputed.  They can help you become a notary, renew your notary commission, or even find a notary public in Pennvsylvania. Bonds, Insurance, Resources, Classifieds, and more — they do it all!.
 
Signing Agent E&O
I have not heard of this before…or perhaps I heard of it once and forgot about it.  Regular Errors and Omissions insurance doesn’t cover for errors made during a loan signing unless it pertains to a notarized document. Most documents in a loan signing are not notarized!  Additionally, the late return of a notarized document can ruin a loan, but isn’t a notary error — it is a signing agent error!
 
American Association of Notaries
This is another well reputed notary supply company.  They carry most types of notary supplies and for very reasonable prices.
 
If you want to search for more companies, use google and look up using a state keyword and then the term “notary supplies”. That is one way to find the best notary supply company around!

You might also like:

Notary Carry All Bag
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1238

Make your own notary certificate forms!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1759

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October 7, 2011

Notary Acknowledgment Information

Filed under: (5) State specific,Notary Acts & Certificates — Tags: , , , — admin @ 9:37 am

Notary Acknowledgment Information 

The most common notarial act is an Acknowledgment.  Other common notary acts include Jurats, Oaths, and Copy Certification of documents.  Notary law and current notary wording vary from state to state, but certain laws are fairly standard. 
 
The signer of an acknowledged signature may sign the document BEFORE seeing the notary. The point of having a notary acknowledgment is to prove that you acknowledge signing a particular document, and for the notary to positively identify you. 
 
Current Acknowledgment wording varies from state to state
Although the wording can vary, the basics include: (1) A venue that should indicate the state and the county where the notarization took place. (2) That the signer APPEARED BEFORE the notary public.  You can not have an acknowledgment unless the signer appears before the notary.  The only notary act that allows the signer not to appear before a notary is a proof of execution, and few notaries have ever completed that act.   (3) The date when the signer acknowledged the signature before the notary should be included in the verbiage. The signer could sign the document five years previous to seeing the notary, but the date the signer appeared before the notary is the date that the signature was acknowledged.  Incidentally, you could have the same signature on the same document acknowledged twice on different dates. (4) There should be wording to indicate that the signer acknowledged signing the document.  Basically, the act of coming to a notary to have an acknowledgment is considered a non-verbal acknowledgment that you signed the document. The document is refered to as an “instrument” in many states. It is also noted that the signer’s name is subscribed within the instrument meaning that the name is written in part of the document. The notary should check the signature on your identification to see if it matches too.  (5) The name of the signer and the notary must be documented in the verbiage. (6) There should be some documentation stating that the signer’s identification was proven.  Sometimes the wording, “Positively identified” is used.  The term “Satisfactory evidence” is often used to refer to a number of ways that a signer could be identified.
 
(7) The signature of the notary is commonly documented as the “seal” of the notary. This is not to be confused with the physical inked seal which is also a seal (confusing).   (8) Additionally, there should be a place for the notary to affix their official notary seal (stamp).  Some notaries use an embosser which is a type of seal that looks like a clamp and that can leave a raised impression in the paper with or without ink.
 
Summary
Acknowledgment wording should include:
(1) Venue
(2) Appeared before
(3) The date (i.e. 08-04, 2012)
(4) That the signer acknowledges signing the instrument that their name is subscribed to within
(5) Name of the signer and the notary.
(6) Proof of identity of the signer
(7) Signature (seal) of the notary
(8) A place for the notary to affix their official notary seal.
 
Sample Wording from California
 
State of California
County of Los Angeles
 
On 5-15-2011 before me, John Doe, notary public, personally appear Joe Barber who proved to me on the basis of satisfactory evidence to be the person whose name is subscribed to the within instrument and who acknowledged to me that he executed the same in his authorized capacity and by his signature(s) on the instrument the person, or entity upon behalf of which the person acted, executed the instrument.
 
I certify under PENALTY of PERJURY under the laws of the state of California that the foregoing paragraph is true and correct.
 
WITNESS my hand and official seal
 
——————————————                                        (affix stamp here)
       (Signature of Notary)
 
See some other pages with information about acknowledgments

Notary Public 101 – Basic Notary Acts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19500

Florida Acknowledgment Information

California Acknowledgment Information

Michigan Acknowledgment Information

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April 17, 2011

Seal Forgery – it happened to me!

Filed under: Signing Tips — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 1:03 am

Seal Forgery – it happened to me
I notarized a set of loan documents for a company back in 2003. It was a regular signing and nothing went wrong. You know how companies sometimes request that you send them another “Jurat” if the stamp isn’t clear on the initial one? California notary law requires that certificates be attached to the original document for security reasons. This means stapled. But, the loan companies protest whenever you ask them to send you back the document and ask why you are being so difficult. For many signing companies, the idea of obeying laws means you are being difficult. The company that forged my stamp did not ask for a loose Jurat, they were in a hurry and pulled a fast one.

I heard about it from a third party
A third party contacted me asking if I had notarized a loan package for a particular borrower. I couldn’t find the information in my journal for the specified dates, or even for the specified month. We figured that it must be a company that I had worked for before that had an impression of my seal on one of their loan documents, since I didn’t notarize that particular borrower’s loan that was in question. We had to be detectives to figure out what had happened.

Copying my seal
This company copied an impression of my seal that was on someone else’s loan, and copied it onto an Acknowledgment certificate for an entirely different loan that I had never had anything to do with. It was hard to tell since photocopiers are so good. I asked the third party to send me the notarized document and its Acknowledgment certificate. The forging job was so pathetic, it was funny when I saw it. The seal looked legitimate to my eyes, since I couldn’t tell it was copied. However, there were tell tell signs that I had not notarized this document.

(1) I always used an embosser on every page of every document. Embossers leave a raised impression in the paper. This document had no raised seal on it.
(2) The signature was a very girly signature which didn’t match mine even slightly. The lines of the signature were very curly and the i’s were dotted with cute little circles that only a girl would make like that.
(3) The acknowledgment certificate wording didn’t have the he/she/them and (s) verbiage crossed out where appropriate indicating that the person who fudged this job couldn’t have been a notary, or at least was a really pathetic notary.

I told them:
After I saw this pathetic attempt at something which is not even good enough to qualitfy as forgery, I told the third party that I had definately not notarized this and that it was fraud. Additionally, there was no journal entry to back up this job, and I took journal entries for all transactions in all cases.

My advice
If you always use an embosser on all pages of all documents, you deter the switching of pages after the fact on documents you notarized. You make it almost impossible for someone to get away with forging your notarizations. Additionally, you impress your clients with how thorough you are which can gain you more business. An embosser is less than $40, so get one today! Some states will require a government issued authentication of permission to get an embosser, so apply now!

You might also like:

Notarizing a kidnapper

Do you like your job?

Fraud and Forgery related to the notary profession

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February 28, 2011

What do you do to advertise your notary business?

Filed under: Advertising — Tags: , — admin @ 2:59 am

There are the “traditional” ways of marketing your notary business which have mostly remained unchanged for generations such as online advertising on directories and online yellow pages, and even using Google. When I say unchanged for generations, it is because grandma and grandpa are now also using online technology and have been for years!

There are more low-tech ways such as handing out your card to those you have worked for and their office-mates, attorney offices, convalescent homes, etc. Getting on the list of as many signing & title companies as you can think of in a systematic way helps too. But, besides these ways, what other things can you do? I have been reading discussions on the various forums and have some new tips to add to my old bag of tricks.

Google Adwords
Use caution. This method of advertising is probably new to you, and the costs can rack up. It is hard to know what to bid on keywords, or even which keywords you should use. I recommend a combination of notary terms and geographic keywords such as: notary public los angeles, or san jose mobile notary. Google adwords just pulled a fast one on me and started advertising my terms in their “Display Network” which cost me an extra $1000 last month. So, login regularly to make sure your costs are not skyrocketing. On a brighter note, if used moderately and effectively, adwords can make your business. 123notary would not have made it without adwords (by the way.)

Join your local chamber of commerce
I’m not sure who queries the chamber of commerce when looking for a notary, but some people might, and it doesn’t hurt to have your name out there.

B2B Networking and Social Events
Going to social events is time consuming, so make sure you actually like being there! Yes, you can make new and potentially valuable contacts, but think of the hours you spent in acquiring them. So go, hand out your card, make a few notary jokes, and have fun. Tell them the joke about how your last client asked if he could sign with invisible ink, and you said, sure, if I can notarize it with my invisible notary seal. Then, tell them the story about how you notarized at an asylum for someone who claimed to be Abraham Lincoln! They will get a laugh out of your stories If you go to social events, you need a repetoire of crazy notary stories that will keep them laughing. Then, they will definitely remember you when they need a notary.

Social Media
Craigslist is the most practical way to advertise or find common services. But, some notaries use Google+, Facebook, Twitter, and others. The problem with social media is that your followers might be in Uganda, and if they need a notary job, it might be a little too far for you. Craigslist on the other hand segments their advertising to your metro, or your part of your metro which makes it very usable.

Websites
Notaries have been creating websites for years. But, hosting is expensive and so is promotion. I don’t recommend a website unless you are going to really invest some time and money to learn to do it right. You can get a lot of mileage out of our website at very little cost if you create a highly optimized profile which is not that hard!

Newsletters for senior communities
Seniors need mobile notaries. You can call hospitals and convalescent homes directly, or let them find you in the yellow pages, or newsletters. Targetting this specific age group is a very smart idea for a mobile notary, since they are not always that mobile themselves.

Web directories
123notary, notaryrotary, notarycafe, and signingagent.com are traditional choices for those who want to do online advertising for their notary work. I also want to note that 123notary has been getting record breaking traffic recently, and we anticipate that this trend will continue!

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February 20, 2011

A Seinfeld Episode about a Notary

Filed under: Sit-Coms — admin @ 12:26 am

Jerry – Hey George, lets go get a bite to eat down the street.
George – Hey Jerry, I’d love to, but I have to go.
Jerry – Why? What’s the rush?
George – Ah… I gotta get something notarized.
Jerry – Notarized? Wow, that sounds important.
George – Oh, it’s nothing really, just some stuff for work…. I do it all the time.
Jerry – Work? You don’t have a job.
George – Well, I sort of do now. Gotta go.

———————————-
George – Hi, I brought the document…. and my ID. Here it is.
Notary – Great George, you’ve finally got your act together, no spending half an hour fumbling through your briefcase anymore.
George – Well, you live and you learn, hah!!!
Notary – So what kind of document do you have today?
George – It’s an affidavit that I agree to do some deliveries for my employer.
Notary – Deliveries, you’re moving up in the world.
( notary opens his journal )
George – Hey, what’s that, you notarized a document in Chinese? You don’t understand Chinese.
Notary – I can do that … hey! Why are you looking at my journal, you’re violating MY privacy. Do you mind?
George – Sorry, it’s just that you opened it and I couldn’t help noticing. It was in my “range of vision”, right?
Notary – Okay, please sign the document. Please raise your right hand. Higher… that’s good. Do you solemnly swear that you agree to the statement in this document?
George – I do.
Notary – Okay, here’s your Jurat.. Let me staple it.
George – Ummm… could you use the round seal.. I was just thinking.
Notary – This is the seal I use, okay? Hey, whose business is this anyway?
George – Okay… but, could you thumbprint me?
Notary – Thumbprint?
George – Yeah, you know… a journal thumbprint. I heard that was supposed to be good. You know.. Deter fraud.
Notary – I’m sorry, but you’re not… thumbprintworthy.
George – What? Not thumbprintworthy?
Notary – It’s running low on ink. I only have a dozen or so impressions left in the pad, I’m SAVING it for a Deed or something important.
George – Hey, I have people who can vouch for me. I’m thumbprintworthy baby!
( George calls Elaine )
George – Elaine – I’m at the notary, and I want him to thumbprint me, but he says I’m not thumbprintworthy?
Elaine – What? Not thumbprintworthy? I would thumbprint you any day. In fact. You are as thumbprintworthy as they come. Give the notary the phone…… Hello? Mr. Notary? I formally vouch for George — he is the most thumbprintworhty person that exists.
Notary – You and your friend are a lot of trouble. George — You’re BANNED!!!
George – Banned? You can’t ban me, you’re a PUBLIC notary, you are obligated to serve the public
Notary – How do you know that? Public Schmublic. You’re banned from my services. Pay me my fee…thats $10.. and get out!
George – Hey, look out the window!
Notary – What?
( George SWIPES the thumbprinter and leaves while the notary is looking out the window )
————————————————————————–
Kramer – Clarissa, Clarissa, how can I describe my love .. for you… oh… Clarissa.
Clarissa – I told you before, I don’t date guys from Brooklyn.
Kramer – But, wait a second, you think I’m from Brooklyn. No, no… you’ve got it all wrong. I’m from Manhattan. I just hang out at
a friend’s house there. He lets me use the house while he’s away. He gave me key privileges.
Clarissa – You expect me to believe that? Key priveleges. Nobody gives their key to anyone in New York, not even their own parents.
Kramer – Oh,… he gave me the key. My friends are like that. Look, I even have Jerry’s key. I go over there whenever I feel like it. You see, Jerry and I… we understand each other. And he’s cool about it too. He doesn’t even mind if I eat his FRITOS once in a while.
( phone rings )
Jerry – Hey Kramer
Kramer – Hi Jerry, how’s everything? I’m with Clarissa now.
Jerry – Oh…. Clarissa. I remember her (unenthusiastically). Hey, by any chance, you didn’t happen to have eaten any of my FRITOS, did you?
Kramer – Fritos, oh, yeah, I didn’t know you needed them.
Jerry – If I didn’t need them I wouldn’t buy them. You’re violating your key privileges. Keep this up. and I’ll de-key you.
Kramer – No… not that. I need my key.
Jerry – Well, I’m going to have to draw up a “covenant of the key.”
Kramer – A covenant? Nobody does that.
Jerry – They do now. Keep this up, and you will be in violation of … the covenant of the key!!!
( Jerry hangs up )
Kramer – Clarissa, Clarissa, what can I do to win your love.
Clarissa – Okay, you seem like a nice guy, so I’ll give you one chance. Get me a notarized affidavit stating that you live in Manhattan and give me your address. I’m leaving at 7pm for France, so get it to me by then!
Kramer – Anything for you.. my Clarissa.
————————————————————————————–
( Kramer calls George up.)
Kramer – George, you gotta help me. I’m in trouble, It’s urgent.
George – What, are you having appendicitis or something?
Kramer – No, its not a health emergency, its a … a LOVE emergency.
George – Oh… Love.
Kramer – Clarissa wants an affidavit saying that I live in Manhattan. She doesn’t believe me. You know that notary guy on the West side, right?
George – Oh, yeah, yeah.. But, um.
Kramer – What?
George – There’s a small problem.
Kramer – What?
George – I’ve been banned.
Kramer – Banned? No, you can’t be banned. You can’t be banned by a notary.
George – Oh yes, I’ve been banned.
Kramer – Well, he doesn’t know me, you gotta help me.
George – Okay, I’ll give you his number. But it’s 4pm now and he leaves at 5pm.
Kramer – I need to get it to Clarissa by 7pm… It’s … an emergency!
George – Okay … here’s the number. Call him now and make an appointment.
Kramer – Thanks … you’re wonderful.
——————————————————————–
( George drives Kramer to the appointment because there is no parking there )
Kramer – Hello, are you the notary?
Notary – Yeah, how did you hear about me?
Kramer – Oh, the yellow pages.
Notary – Yellow pages, eh.. Well I don’t advertise in the yellow pages. Only by word of mouth.
Kramer – Oh, maybe it’s the OTHER notary I found in the yellow pages.
Notary – Alright wise guy, what do you want?
Kramer – I need an affidavit notarized. Can you squeeze me in?
Notary – Okay. Be here at 4:15.
Kramer – Okay
——————————————————————-
(kramer arrives at the notary office)
Kramer – Hi, I’m Kramer
Notary – Paul…. let me see your ID.
Kramer – ID? I don’t think I brought it with me.
Notary – No ID, no notary, pal…
Kramer – Hold on, I think I left it in the car.
Notary – You got a parking place here? You must be a genius. Where did you park?
Kramer – I got lucky, I guess.
( Kramer runs down the stairs and comes back huffing and puffing with the ID )
Notary – I looked out the window. You didn’t park. You’re WITH someone.
Kramer – Oh, that’s just a friend.
Notary – Okay. Where’s the document
Kramer – Here it is.
Notary – An affidavit swearing that you live in Manhattan. What kind of a nut would want you to sign this?
Kramer – Oh, she’s a nut alright. You should see her.
Notary – I’ll pass.
Kramer – Hey, by the way, my friend usually has this done with a circular seal, do you have one?
Notary- (thinking out loud) Circular seal, didn’t the guy yesterday ask me for that?
Kramer – Oh, and could you … thumbprint me? I want it to look official.
Notary – Thumbprint? and circular seal, that sounds just like the last guy… WHO GOT BANNED! George was his name. It’s right here on the previous page. George Costanza. You know George.
Kramer – No really, I don’t know him.
Notary – Yes you do… He’s the one waiting for you in the car.
Kramer – No he’s not.
Notary – I’m going down, I want to see for myself.
( Kramer and notary go downstairs )
( Kramer motions to George to go and makes a motion near his throat )
( George shrugs his shoulders in confusion – then George sees the notary and bolts )
Notary – So it is George.
Kramer – I don’t know who that is. You didn’t even see him
( Kramer’s phone rings – the notary grabs the phone )
George – Kramer, he saw me.
Notary – AHA! It’s me. You’re the guy that got banned.. Well now your friend is banned too!
Notary – and YOU took my thumbprinter, it’s been missing ever since you were here last. Give it back!
Kramer – No… no…now what am I going to do.

——————————————————————————-
( Kramer and George drive off )
Kramer – Now what am I going to do. It’s 5pm and everyone is closed. Do you know any late night notaries?
George – Yeah, but you’re not going to like this. He’s in Brooklyn.
Kramer – That doesn’t matter.
George – Okay, let’s go.
—————————————————————————-
Brooklyn Notary – Hi-ya fellows. How’s everything?
Kramer – Its been a long day.
Brooklyn Notary – Why? What happened?
Kramer – What didn’t happen? Listen I need this form notarized. You wouldn’t happen to have a thumbprinter, would you?
Brooklyn Notary – Well, actually, mine just ran out of ink. I got a bit carried away, and used it on people who were not… well you know.
George – Say it, say it…. thumbprintworthy.
Brooklyn Notary – Well, I never thought of it like that.
George – You would never believe this, but I happen to have .. a thumbprinter!
Brooklyn Notary – where did you get this?
George – From a friend.
Brooklyn Notary – Great. Just give me the document.
Kramer – Here’s my ID.
Brooklyn Notary – It’s okay, I know your friend, that’s good enough for me.
Kramer – But, the law… you gotta have an ID.. I want this to be legit!
Brooklyn Notary – yeah yeah sure sure. I’ll put this all in the journal.
Kramer – Can you do the thumbprint now?
Brooklyn Notary – Sure… Here you go. Your Jurat … Notarized and all.
Kramer – How can I ever thank you.
Brooklyn Notary – It’s nothing.
———————————————————————————-
( Kramer and George drive back over the bridge, battling traffic, and make it to Clarissa’s house by 6:55 )
Kramer – Clarissa, my love. Here it is.
Clarissa – Oh, I’m so touched, so you really do love me!
Kramer – You don’t know what I had to do to get this.
Clarissa – Oh Kramer, I ….. LOVE ….. ( she glances at the document )
Clarissa – KINGS County?… wait a second. If you live in Manhattan, why would you get it notarized in Kings County? That’s Brooklyn.
Kramer – It says Kings County on it?
George – Yeah, you see, this is the Venue, and on the Venue it says Kings County. That just means where it got done. It doesn’t matter. You live in Manhattan.
Clarissa – We’re through. I’m leaving. I’ll send you a postcard from Paris.
Clarissa – Hasta la Au Revoir – Baby
————————————————————————————
Kramer – No, no, no…. it’s all because you got banned. How did you? .. Oh…It’s the thumbprinter. He banned you because you took his thumbprinter.
George – No Kramer, that happened after he banned me. I swiped it while he wasn’t looking.
Kramer – No, it’s the thumbpriner, you got us all in trouble.
Kramer – I have an idea. You can give it back to him and get him a new one, then he’ll be back on good terms with you.
George – You’re crazy.
Kramer – I insist. I need a good notary in Manhattan. He’s close. You gotta do it.
———————————————————————————
( George and Kramer go buy a thumb printer and go back to the Notary – he is there late at the office )
George – I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. This thumb printer somehow got shuffled up with my stuff and I didn’t even realize… Silly me.
Notary – My thumbprinter, it’s back…. I needed you…. Oh thank you..HOW COULD YOU!
George – It was an accident.
Notary – And you contaminated it with your germs. Now it’s tainted.
George – Now wait a minute, it’s a thumbprinter, its job is to be touched by OTHER PEOPLE’s Thumbs.
Notary – You used it, didn’t you.
George – Listen, we felt so bad, we went all the way to an office supply store and got you a brand new one.
Notary – Thank you… I’m touched…
George – Now can you notarize my friend. I’ll pay you double
Notary – Sure, come by any time.
( The Notary notarizes Kramer with the rectangular seal… not the circular one… and thumbprints him )
Kramer – Thank you so much…. Now my document is legit and has New York County on the venue. Clarissa will come back to me… My Clarissa.
————————————————————-
( Kramer and George leave )
Notary – That’s funny, the ink doesn’t come off. I must have gotten some ink on my thumb when I thumbprinted Kramer. And it got on my shirt. My shirt is ruined. And it’s on my table too.
—————————————————————-
(Kramer calls Clarissa… she is at the airport and her flight delayed.)
Kramer – Clarissa, I got it renotarized by a notary in New York County in Manhattan in my neighborhood.
Clarissa – I’m still at the airport, I’ll be here until 11. Get it to me.
Kramer – Okay.
(Kramer and George drive to the airport and get there at 9pm.)
Kramer – Here it is. Notarized in Manhattan. West 88th Street!
Clarissa – Wow, you really do love me. I will date you after all. Give me a hug.
( Kramer and Clarissa hug good by )
Clarissa – I’ll see you when I get back.
——————————————————————
( the plane takes off. Clarissa goes to the bathroom and comes back )
Clarissa – Hm, thats funny, there is ink on the back of my chair. Do you see ink?
Flight attendant – Hm, that does look like ink. Have you been thumbprinted recently?
Clarissa – No, why would I be thumbprinted?
Flight attendant – You know, when you go to a notary. You get thumbprinted. You must have forgotten to wash off the ink.
Clarissa – I was never notarized…. wait a second…. When Kramer hugged me, he put his thumbs on the back of my blouse and that got on the chair. Does my blouse have ink on it?
Flight attendant – Yes it does. You’ll have to bleach that a few times.
Clarissa – No!!!
( Clarissa gets to Paris and calls Kramer )
Clarissa – Nous sommes finit!!! We are over!!!
Kramer – What????

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February 12, 2011

Two and a half notaries: Detering notary fraud

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Sit-Coms — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:01 am

CHARLIE: You know something Jake, notary fraud is a huge problem affecting the quality of life in America

JAKE: Whoa, you make it sound so serious, like the world is going to come to an end.

ALAN: You know Jake, notary fraud is something you should take seriously. I have stories about it that would shock you.

JAKE: Like, okay… I don’t even know what a notary is…

CHARLIE: Remember Shelley? She was a notary!

JAKE: So?

ALAN: A notary public is a very sacred and meaningful profession. They are people of integrity who make sure that a document was signed by the person who was supposed to sign the document.

JAKE: Oh, I get it. So, if Valerie wanted to get permission from her doctor to cut class because she was sick, and she forged her doctor’s signature, a notary wouldn’t let her get notarized with the forged signature.

CHARLIE: You hit the nail on the head. Is this kid taking smart pills all of a sudden. He’s never been so lucid as long as I’ve known him.

ALAN: I have no idea. This is a first for me too.

JAKE: Well, maybe I’ve thought about the concept of notarization in depth over the years, even though I didn’t know exactly what a notary was. After all, if Valerie is going to cut school to hang out with me at the mall all day long, I need to have a fool-proof strategy.

CHARLIE: I’m beginning to see where the motivation for Jake’s new-found high aptitude is coming from.

JAKE: Which brings me to my next thought which is, how do you fake a notary seal on a letter from a doctor to give you permission to fake school?

ALAN: Now, that is just wrong!

CHARLIE: Remember that fishing trip we were going to go on. And you could only take time off work on a Thursday?

ALAN: Well, yeah.

CHARLIE: And remember, how the only way that all three of us could all go together was if Jake could also take time off school on Thursday without getting into trouble?

ALAN: So, where are you going with this?

CHARLIE: Don’t you see? If we can get a fake notary to notarize a doctor’s signature, Jake can take the day off, and we can go to Lopez Lake up in Santa Barbara County!

ALAN: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.

JAKE: Count me in!

CHARLIE: Monica said she would meet up with us there.

ALAN: Say no more!

CHARLIE: All we need to do is to take a refresher course on the difference between a genuine and a fraudulent notary seal’s impression.

JAKE: What’s genuine?

ALAN: Oh, thank God he’s back to his old self again!

CHARLIE: Now, look at all of these notary seals. Can you tell which ones are authentic?

JAKE: Hmmm. I’ve never done this before, but, I’ve done something similar… (muttering under his breath) on the beach yesterday.

(looking at the notary seal impressions in a book)

CHARLIE: How about this one?

JAKE: Real… Fake… Fake… Real… Those are so fake… Wow, look at the size of those! I didn’t know it was possible for a notary seal to be so big. What about these ones?

CHARLIE: I can’t tell if these ones are real or fake, but all I have to say is, they should be illegal!

ALAN: What about this one. It looks so smudgy.

CHARLIE: That one’s real. It’s just that the notary who used it didn’t know what he was doing.

ALAN: There’s nothing worse than a notary who doesn’t know how to handle his seal.

JAKE: Can a notary seals be round?

CHARLIE: I’m glad you asked. A notary embosser, is round, and leaves a raised impression.

JAKE: You mean like it’s three dimensional?

CHARLIE: That’s exactly what I mean.

JAKE: Cool.

CHARLIE: I knew you’d like it. Check this out. This is an embosser!

ALAN: Where did you get that?

CHARLIE: Never mind where, or how. This is our ticket to fishing on the lake!

Scene 2. County jail

JAKE: I guess our plan didn’t work too well.

CHARLIE: Tell me about it. They might let me out for good behavior if Sylvester will take his arm off of me: (To Sylvester:) And NO, I am not your girlfriend — get the thought out of your head.

ALAN: Well, we might as well go to the lake, just Jake and I. There is nothing else to do. We’ll bring back some pictures for you to see when we’re back.

CHARLIE: (muttering with his hand over his face) That’s exactly what I need.

JAKE: I have an idea. Maybe if we get a notarized letter, we can get you out of here.

CHARLIE: I don’t think that is a very good idea, especially not at this point. And besides, my embosser is not part of exhibit A

BERTA: I can get you out of here. I’ll just sweet talk the guards.

CHARLIE: Never mind the guards, I’m more worried about the judge

SYLVESTER: Are you worried about me? I’ll miss you so much once they let you out.

CHARLIE: Oh my God.

BERTA: Good news, they’re letting you out!

ALAN: They are? They are!!!

CHARLIE: Why? What did I do. What changed?

JAKE: The principal of my school just called and dropped the charges. Since no malicious harm was meant, they decided to just let you out on a warning. But, they warn that impersonating a notary seal, or a notary is a Felony and can result in jail time.

CHARLIE: Oh boy, no more house in Malibu. I guess I got lucky this time.

SYLVESTER: But, I sure didn’t. Will you think of me when you’re back in your cushy house on the beach?

CHARLIE: You can bet I will. (shaking his head and rolling his eyes)

.

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http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13707

Two and a Half Notaries — imparied judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

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January 28, 2011

Tomorrow’s Notary Publics

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Popular on Twitter 2011 — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 10:59 pm

no·ta·ry public

noun \ˈnō-tə-rē-\
plural notaries public

————————————

The kids who grow up to become doctors or lawyers have it easy. Oh sure, they have to get into med school or law school. They have to avoid getting thrown out of med school or law school. Physicians have to breathe the germs of sick people. Lawyers have to address curmudgeons as “Your honor” if the curmudgeon is wearing a robe. (Unless it’s Hugh Hefner wearing a robe.) But all of this is a cakewalk compared to growing up to become a notary public. You can study pre-law or pre-med. Pre-notary public? Dream on.

Kids who become doctors or lawyers are conditioned to become doctors or lawyers. Their parents and teachers dangle those career carrots from an early age, encouraging any signs of medical or legal predispositions. What are the signs of a budding notary public prodigy?

“Hello, class. I’m your teacher, Ms. Morrison.”

As Ms. Morrison writes her name on the board, all of her students slavishly continue to zone in on their handheld devices, except for one pimply kid she notices “witnessing” her signature.

“Young man, have you ever thought of becoming a notary public? You just might have the right stuff!”

A teacher’s seal of approval one day. A notary public’s seal of approval years later.

Doctors and lawyers have role models: Doogie Howser … Dr. Oz … Dr. Dre … Perry Mason. OJ’s lawyers. (Not the ones who got him off for murder. The ones who got him locked up for sports memorabilia.) Most notaries are forbidden from offering legal advice or preparing legal documents. Remember L.A. Law? Remember L.A. Notary Public? Me neither.

“Tonight, on L.A. Notary Public, Ted affixes a certificate!”

Wait… sounds likes last week’s L.A. Notary Public. What do you expect? He’s a notary public!

Kids want to grow up to become firemen … astronauts … rock stars… glorified karaoke contestants who follow in the footsteps of American Idol, Carrie Underwood, and dodge the footsteps of American idle, Lee DeWyze. Remember Lee? Me neither.

As The Lone Ranger rides again, kids continue to play “cowboys and Indians.” No child on record has been caught playing “notary publics and document holders.”

Presuming notary publics reproduce future generations of notary publics, how can we help ensure their not so livelihoods latch onto enough sex appeal to generate the action required to reproduce future generations? Dim the lights…

“I’m Ryan Seacrest… and this… is American Notary Public!”

Randy Jackson: “Yo, what’s your name?”

Bill Dudley: “Bill Dudley.”

Randy Jackson: “Are you the next American Notary Public?”

Bill Dudley: “Definitely.”

Randy Jackson: “Okay, dawg, do your thing.”

Bill Dudley: “Can I have your autograph?”

Randy hands Bill a piece of paper with his autograph. Bill stamps said piece of paper.

Randy Jackson: “Bill Dudley’s in it to win it!”

*

Andy Cowan is an award-winning writer, producer and performer, whose credits include “Cheers,” “Seinfeld” and “3rd Rock From the Sun.” He can be reached through his website, http://upanddownguys.com

Tweets:
(1) You can study pre-law or pre-med. Pre-notary public? Dream on.
(2) What are the signs of a budding notary public prodigy?
(3) “Young man, have you ever thought of becoming a notary public? You just might have the right stuff!”
(4) Kids play “cowboys and Indians.” No child on record has been caught playing “notary publics and document holders.”

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You know you’re a notary when
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16038

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Notary Airport

Filed under: General Stories,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 11:55 am

NOTARY: One day there will be a Notary Airport

SAM: When pigs can fly.

NOTARY: Well actually, it will be seals flying. The airplanes will look like giant seals, whiskers and all.

SAM: Maybe they should make a Notary submarine that looks like a seal instead of a flying seal.

NOTARY: The good part is that when Notarizations are done on the plane, the prices will be sky high!

SAM: Yeah, and if you notarize in the air, you can join the Notary mile high club.

NOTARY: Yes, but wait until you find out what the airport layout will look like….

The terminals will be shaped like Notary seals. Each terminal will have a coffee house and bar with a Notary bartender. The newpaper store will sell NNA’s newsletter in addition to the Wall Street Journal. The parking lot will have a special section for Notaries that is closest to where the shuttle picks you up. And when you go to check in your bags, they make you sign the journal and thumbprint. How cool is that?

Scene from aiport security.

OFFICER: Sir, please remove any metal objects from your pockets and step forward slowly.

SAM: Okay… should I take off my belt too?

OFFICER: Just wait for us to put on the saxophone music before you do that please sir.

SAM: Got it.

OFFICER: Our scanner found a metal object in your bag that resembles an embosser?

SAM: Is that a problem, officer?

OFFICER: Well, not necessarily. Is this a registered embosser?

SAM: Does it need to be?

OFFICER: Step to the side sir.

SAM: Uh-oh.

OFFICER: I’m going to need to pat you down. Please stand still.

SAM: Wow, you’re good at that.

OFFICER: I know… I get that a lot. I used to be a Priest for 30 years, a ballet teacher for 3 years, plus I worked in the airport for 4 years.

SAM: Oh, it all adds up now. Now I know why that comes so naturally to you. The embosser was authorized by my state. I have the paperwork at home.

OFFICER: Great. Let me just check your commission number on our computer system… Uh huh. Okay, no unauthorized used on our database. The waiting areas are in front of you or have a drink at the flying embosser. Just don’t use your embosser under the influence of alcohol or heavy medication per airport regulations. If you get bored in the waiting room, you can read Notary Handbooks from all 50 states plus DC.

SAM: I’ll get bored, but not that bored. Thanks.

OFFICER: And may God bless you — if there is a God.

SAM: Some Priest you are/were.

OFFICER: Well, I stopped being a Priest because I stopped believing in God.

SAM: Hmm. Well, I stopped being a Mortgage Broker in 2009 because I lost interest.

OFFICER: Forgive me father for I have rescinded — that was a good one! I’m just kidding, I still believe in God, I quit the church to run for the senate because things at the church got too — political.

SAM: Gotcha!

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Notary Psychic Tarot Card Reading

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 8:18 am

A Notary went to see a Notary Psychic to learn how to do his job better and see what was in store for him. Here is what happened…

NOTARY: Hello. I want to know my future.

CLARA: Spoiler alert: You die.

NOTARY: My nearer future!

CLARA: I predict you are willing to pay $50 cash for this information.

NOTARY: Umm…. I’ll have to pay in you ones because I was planning on going to a strip club and then changed my mind at the last minute.

CLARA: Don’t expect me to give you a lap dance. I’ll reciprocate by stripping off the veil to your future.

NOTARY: Actually I think it’s more like a burka, but that’s fine. So, will I get many Notary clients?

CLARA: Hold on, I am looking into crystal ball. Actually I do not need ball for this one. You must to spend a few hundred to get top spot on 123notary in your local area plus have amazing notes section and many reviews from satisfied clients who tipped you with one dollar bills.

NOTARY: Okay, writing this down… Can you tell me what will happen to me this week?

CLARA: Okay, I use Notary tarot cards… Hold on… I must meditate on this. Okay… this first card has an upside down Notary seal. It indicates that something dubious will happen. Keep eyes open for fake ID from client, especially if he’s teenager asking you to buy him booze. Or is Russian client and I have many of those. But, if you have Russian client refer them to me — they spend mint on psychics.

NOTARY: Interesting. How did you get your name?

CLARA: I am Clara because I am Clara-Voyant.

NOTARY: I should have known. Then again, I’m not clairvoyant.

CLARA: I knew that. Now I get Notary Gypsy card. Notary Gypsy sees future and past, but cannot make sense of the present. This means you will be confused at present-day Notary job, who you did good work for in the past, but will give the client great advice for their future.

NOTARY: I had a client like that last week. As for my clients in the present, too confusing. What about next month?

CLARA: Let’s see. Oh… I got the commission expiration card. That means something in your career will end, but something new will begin. Maybe you’ll stop using SnapDocs and pass the 123notary certification test that you have been procrastinating about for the last several months.

NOTARY: Oh yeah, I keep procrastinating about meaning to do that. Can you look in your ball too?

CLARA: Yes. I think Coca-Cola stock will go up 2 points next week, but it’s not like I have a crystal ball… ooops, actually I do have a crystal ball — forgot! Okay, I am seeing an ancestor of yours who was a Notary in Slovakia. He wishes to guide you in your career. Ooops, it’s actually someone else’s ancestor. Damn this cheap crystal. That’s the last time I bid for a used crystal on ebay! Okay, I use my old crystal from Russia, it’s cracked, but Gypsies use it for generations. Just never mind crack on left. Okay! You will sign a Power of Attorney.

NOTARY: Duh, you don’t have to be a psychic to know that!

CLARA: I predicted you’d say that. You were a Notary in a past life in Japan. It’s the last time someone bowed to you… Wait… Wait… I’m seeing something else. You worked for the court of the emperor and pleased him. He made you to very high position. It is your destiny to rise to high position in this life too as a result of past life karma.

NOTARY: Oh! What kind of high position will I get?

CLARA: Hold on… I am seeing Attorneys… Yes… Attorneys with lots of money… and lots of power.. Wait a second, isn’t that what I just said. Power of Attorney.

NOTARY: No, you said Power of Attorney, but now you are saying Powerful Attorneys.

CLARA: What is difference?

NOTARY: Let me use your tarot card deck. Oh, what a surprise. I got the Notary card with a seal stamping a document that says, “It’s time to learn English, honey!”

.

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My bad karma from testing people by phone
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January 27, 2011

Notary Indian Tandoori Restaurant

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 9:56 pm

Welcome to the Notary Indian Restaurant where you have the right to cancel your curry within three minutes of receiving it if it is not spicy enough. The multi-state masala is another favorite of our customers. Try it with goat, lamb, chicken or any other animal that goes baah… baah… But, not beef as that is against our religion! Below are some favorite dishes.

Affidavit of Naan-Compliance — (available with garlic or onion naan as well.)
Subscribing Samosas
Prepayment Pakoras
Piggy Back Pilaf — (not made with real pig as that is against our religion too!)
Mortgage Makhani
Square Naans with imprints of cast iron Notary seals (cooked in a tandoori clay oven)
Kommission Kabobs (enjoy them until the end of your commission.)
Duress Dosas — (this is South Indian food that is normally force fed to guests, hence the name)
Initialed Idlis — (made in the shape of letters, hence the name)
Unsubscribing Witness Uthapam — (South Indian too, pure vegetarian. If you don’t like them, just unsubscribe)

You can also adjust the spice level. But, since there are so many different standards for spicing, there has been some controversy. The Notary Indian Restaurant was found guilty of cultural profiling. A Southerner went in an ordered food medium, but found it was only mild because the waiter thought he couldn’t handle it. Then an Indian guy went in and ordered a dish medium and got it so spicy hot he couldn’t finish it without ten glasses of water and two yogurt drinks. Finally, the department of spice and safety had to come over and set some standards. Now there are different scales of spiciness, and all on a scale of one to ten. There is:

On a scale of 1-10:
American South — the most mild standards in the industry.
California — this standard is milder than Punjab by two notches, but more adventurous than the South.
Punjab — (Punjab is in the middle of spiciness standards unlike Pune which makes everything far too spicy.)
Mexico — just as long as they don’t use habanero, Mexico is quite handleable.
Thailand — this standard is hot, but still not as bad as Pune.
Pune — Pune is in West India near Mumbai. 1 is medium, 2 is deadly, 3 is ulcer, and 4-10 are ulcer times three!!!

WAITER: And yes, how hot would you like your food?

CUSTOMER: Medium +

WAITER: Is that medium plus based on Alabama Standards, California, Punjab, Mexico, Thailand or Pune, not that you’ve ever been to Pune.

CUSTOMER: I have been to Pune and have the ulcers to prove it. Just ask for my medical report. I think that Punjab in North India should be the world standards for spiciness since they are right in the middle of the six official standards!

WAITER: Agreed. So Punjabi level 6 spicing, will that be okay?

CUSTOMER: Yes, but you will have to fill out the affidavit of spiciness.

WAITER: We already have one filled out sir. Here it is.

CUSTOMER: Yeah, but did you have it Notarized?

WAITER: But, of course

CUSTOMER: By 123notary?

WAITER: Well no…

CUSTOMER: Then, I can’t eat that curry. We’ll see ya’ll later!

.

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The Notary Dating Show
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Notary Sushi Bar
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