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January 17, 2011

Unilateral Commitments

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , — admin @ 12:20 pm

Unilateral Commitments
Hello, Roundy Round Tires, do you have a Never Flat for my Go Go Mobile? Great, I might be stopping by later this afternoon, say 2PM. Can you assure me of instant service if I decide to show up? No, I don’t wish to make an appointment at this time; I just want your assurance that if I decide to honor you with my august presence; I will be instantly accommodated.

Farfetched? Consider the notary version: Is this the notary savant? I am thinking about having some legal papers notarized, will you be available at 2PM. Well, I have not really gathered my thoughts yet. I just want to be sure you will be available if the mood to be notarized strikes me.

Is this string along notary? Good, I want to know if you will be available for a signing today at 2PM. Cutting to the essence of a real assignment, I ask for the borrower name and phone number. Well ….. we don’t have that information yet, but I just want to be sure that you can process the assignment (IF, not said), when it comes. So, you’re not sure about details, only that you want my commitment of availability, is that what this call is about?

I have had this same conversation, with slight variations; many times. In short; you promise availability, and there is a possibility that they might call back. If you discuss your fee, the chances of them calling back decrease. But, fee is not the issue here. What’s in play is your reputation for truthfulness and willingness to grab at straws. I choose my words carefully.

If my schedule permits, assignments are accepted. Well known (by me) firms, those with whom I have a trust relationship go on the calendar based on a phone call. Others, especially the ones that “talk” the “good buddy” BS; are required to prepay. Many are the signing service schedulers who sound like they could not beat a squirrel at chess. They are trolling for dopey notaries. It is there intent to obtain commitments and exactly how little you will (hope to) receive.

Well, http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com does not consider trollers as worthy of much conversation. They are honestly (sometimes I feel that is more than they deserve) told that I value my time and will only allocate a portion of it if there is a mutual commitment. Some persist; we just want to know if you will be available. They are told: currently yes, but that yes is only for the duration of this call; I will accept an assignment for the same time slot if the phone rings in ten seconds after this call. Similarly, wee hour callers must prepay DURING the initial call, no wake twice!

Personally, I think it’s a hoot that frequently on various 123notary.com forums agents complain about a lack of “loyalty”. Really? Wakie wakie, they want (even more aggressively than you) to maximize their profits. If that be at the “expense” of you – they will merrily do so. However, agents with integrity will not “play along” with the availability game. They will openly and frankly describe their time management policy. I think that will be perceived as a plus. If you are fastidious with your calendar, you are probably the same with processing the docs.

My boss might need a notary this afternoon, might you be available. I might is the answer; to borrow a part of the question. Followed by mentioning that “currently” I am, but “might” not be so at a later time. Do you wish to schedule an appointment? Possibly my honest answer is a “turn off” to the caller. If so, so be it. But, to me, a factual, frank, honest answer works best.

.

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Taxi: Reverend Jim Becomes a Notary

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , , — admin @ 8:08 am

TAXI – REVEREND JIM BECOMES A NOTARY

ALEX: Louie, what happened to the fifty bucks I had in my locker?

LOUIE: What are you asking me for? Do you think a busy man like me has the time to nose around your locker? Whereas… that nose of yours has all the time in the world.

ALEX: Is that another nose crack, Louie?

LOUIE: If the honker fits, wear it.

NARDO: Somebody stole money from my purse!

ALEX: Somebody would imply it was a human being. And that would be wrong. Because it was Louie.

LOUIE: Hey! I’m starting to feel insulted here.

NARDO: Louie, if you don’t give me back my money, I’ll report you to the commissioner!

LOUIE: (into intercom) Listen up, you losers. I did not steal your chump change or whatever you want to call it. I’ve got better things to do than loot a bunch of lowlifes. I swear to God.

TONY: What about swearing to a notary, Louie?

LOUIE: A notary? I swear to notaries all the time. Like “Get away from me, you @*!# notary.”

REVEREND JIM: Did somebody say they need a notary?

TONY: Yeah, we want Louie to make a statement under penalty of perjury… Did you hear that, Louie? … That he didn’t steal Alex’s or Elaine’s money.

ALEX: That’s called an affirmation, Tony.

REVEREND JIM: Lucky for you and me. I just applied to become a notary.

ALEX: You, Jim?

REVEREND JIM: Yeah. I got to thinkin’…

LOUIE: There’s trouble.

REVEREND JIM: Boss, you know how you boss people around all the time? That makes you the “bosser”. But now that I’m a notary and have my notary seals, you’ll be able to call me… “embosser.”

TONY: That’s why you became a notary, Jim?

REVEREND JIM: That, and they get all the chicks.

ALEX: Well if Jim’s a notary, I think he should make Louie swear under oath that he’s not lying about stealing our money.

LATKA: In my country, notaries are the most revered office holders in the land. They work with estates, deeds, powers-of-attorney. They protest notes and bills of exchange.

ALEX: They do all that in this country.

LATKA: They also have notary groupies.

REVEREND JIM: Damn. I should move to Latka’s country.

LOUIE: Go! And take Potato Latka here with you.

ELAINE: Make him swear he didn’t take the money!

REVEREND JIM: Boss… This affidavit contains a jurat notarial certificate. I want you to sign on the dotted line that you didn’t take any money from Elaine or Alex.

LOUIE: I ain’t signing that.

ALEX: Because you’re guilty!

LOUIE: Isn’t my word good enough for you people?

EVERYONE: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

LOUIE: How ‘bout two words… @*!# @*!# You’re coercing me into signing that thing. That makes it null and void!

REVEREND JIM: Not if I add a free act and deed that indicates you weren’t coerced.

TONY: Wow, Jim. You really know your stuff!

REVEREND JIM: I do? Wow, and to think it was just a guess.

.

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Two and a half notaries! A Notarization Experience

This is a story about a happy notary in Malibu named Charlie. He lived with his brother Sam and his brother’s son Kevin.

Charlie: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kevin: A Notary of course — ANYTHING BUT!
Charlie: Don’t knock until you try it
Kevin: All you guys do is stamp your dumb stamp on dumb documents.
Charlie: True, but it has its perks. That’s how I met Monica!
Kevin: Good point! Charlie notarizes Monica — Ooooh!

Sam: Hey, wait a second, I was dating Monica. I REFERRED her to you!
Charlie: Correct — you WERE dating Monica. And by the time we finished the Oath verbiage, she had forgotten all about you, so help you God!
Sam: Hey, that’s not fair, I’m never referring another of my friends to you ever again.
Charlie: Relax, it was all over within days. I gave her a 3-day right to rescind our relationship, and then I didn’t call her back.
Sam: That is JUST like you.

Kevin: Hey, what’s the difference between a Notarization, and a Notarization experience?
Charlie: Oh, about $1500

Maid: Keep your ink off the counters. By the way, I’m taking three days off this week. Tell Monica I said hi.
Sam: What? I thought you said it was over?
Charlie: I never said it wasn’t. For me it’s over. For her I don’t know. By the way, who is that person who keeps calling and then keeps hanging up?
Maid: I had the number traced. It seems to be coming from Topanga. Isn’t that where Monica was from?
Charlie: Oh brother.

(ring ring)
Maid: Hey Charlie, it’s for you. It’s a customer. Natalia. She sounds nice, you better take it.
Charlie: Hey Natalia. Are you up for another notarization with Vodka?
Natalia: Am I ever. Bring your notary stamp and your notary bond with you darling.
Charlie: I’ll be right over. Oh, but this time, let’s have the vodka AFTER the signing.
Natalia: Anything you like, just as long as — you — are there!
Charlie: I figure if we can remember to do the signing first, then after we have the vodka it won’t matter what we remember, because we won’t remember!
Natalia: 8 — sharp. don’t be late!

Tweets:
(1) 2 & a half notaries: What’s the difference between a notarization and a notarization experience?
(2) 2 & a half notaries: Find out what happens when Charlie notarizes Natalia and then have vodka afterwards!

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What is a credible witness notary or notarization?

What is a credible witness notary or credible witness notarization? 

There is no such thing as a credible witness notary.  Credible Witnesses are individuals who are willing to swear to the identity of another individual who is signing a document in the presence of a notary public.  The notary who is notarizing a signature may not act as a credible identifying witness.  However, some states allow a notary to identify a signer based on personal knowledge which is similar in nature (but not terminology) to being a Credible Witness.
 
There is also no such thing as a credible witness notarization.  However, you could refer to a notarization as one that uses credible witnesses.  Credible identifying witnesses should not be used unless a proper identification document is not available.  Please also keep in mind that many credible witnesses these days do not know the full name of whomever’s identity they are swearing to.  For the sake of integrity, you might want to ask the proposed credible witness, “What is this man’s full name?”. If they say, “Joe?”, and then shrug their shoulders, then perhaps they don’t know Joe as well as they should to be a credible identifying witness.

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Subscribing witnesses and Signature by X
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2278

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A Massachusetts Notary Speaks Out. A coerced signature.

Filed under: Technical & Legal — Tags: — admin @ 12:02 am

A few days ago I spoke to a Massachusetts Notary Public on our list. She told me that there are some strange laws out there that almost got her in trouble. She had to appear before a judge due to a Notarization gone wrong. The wife was forced to sign by the husband and she didn’t really want to. I think they were from a foreign country where men boss people around because American men know what will happen to them if they boss people around.

Unbeknownst to me, there is an unusual law in Massachusetts where for some or all Notarial acts, the Notary must ask the signer (or ask the signer to swear — forgot which) if they are signing on their own free will.

I have never heard of a signer being coerced to sign in America. In India it happens a lot when people want to steal your property.

The judge made the Notary promise to always make the signer claim that they are signing under their own free will otherwise their commission would be revoked. Yikes. But, that is not a bad law.

I wonder why we don’t have that law in California. We have all types of other nonsensical laws. Hmmm.

Acknowledged signature
Witnessed signature
Forged signature
UnCoerced signature

So, now we have a new notary act — an uncoerced signature. That should be its own act not to be confused with an acknowledged signature.

The moral of the story is, if you notarize strange foreigners where the men think that men can still act like men and get away with it, beware, they might be forcing the females to sign.

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January 16, 2011

The Right to Decline Notarization

The Right to Decline Notarization
Notary must officiate on request.

The Penal Law (§195.00) provides that an officer before whom an oath or affidavit may be taken is bound to administer the same when requested, and a refusal to do so is a misdemeanor. (People v. Brooks, 1 Den. 457.)

The above is from the handbook of law provided to New York State notaries. Not much “wiggle room” there. I am writing this wondering if I just committed a crime! Of course we decline to notarize when something is “not right”, as we should. However, the issue before me is a request to officiate at the opening of a safe deposit box.

I have never participated in a safe deposit box opening. From what I understand, the notary is present and verifies the contents. It’s often a time consuming procedure. Generally it is a low paying function. I have heard that sometimes the notary is notarizing the statement as to the contents made by a bank officer. Other banks require the notary to make the statement as to the content and, as a notary, stamp and sign. That second procedure is a self notarization and illegal in New York State, and probably most other jurisdictions.

For the sake of discussion; let’s assume the procedure requested is the former, notarization of the statement by the bank officer. That’s certainly legal. The real issue is can mobile notaries legally refuse assignments? It is my understanding that a notary in a place of public accommodation (eg: at a bank) cannot refuse often saying “you must be a client of the bank”, any legal request. However, the mobile notary does not have a walk in location open to the public. Thus, IMHO the “before whom” does not exist; certainly that propinquity is not achieved “over the phone”.

One approach to avoiding unwanted situations is to price them very high. Sure, I’m available for your safe deposit box opening and my fee, with travel, is $500. But, that is a sham; and is sure to put you on the bank’s “do not call” list; possibly precluding an attractive assignment. I did not “high bid” my recent caller. I simply stated that I choose to not accept such assignments. And, that is the heart of the issue. Was declining a proper thing to do?

I have had people, despite my advertising to being a “Mobile Notary”; ring my bell and wish to enter my residence to have their document notarized. All of these have been declined. One or two were irate, and indicated that they would file formal charges against me. If they did, my licensing authorities probably dismissed their protest. I doubt there is any requirement to allow persons into my home, with the exception of Police, Fire, Building Inspectors, etc.

Unfortunately, the real issue remains, in my mind, a bit murky. Can I refuse a valid mobile notary request? If my schedule conflicts, I consider that a valid reason. But, if I am “available” do I have the right to “pick and choose” what mobile notary assignments I accept? We certainly do that all the time with Edocs from lowball disreputable callers. Many notaries do not like to notarize Power of Attorney documents. Many clients tell me their bank refused because Power of Attorney notarizations are “against bank policy”; presumably to avoid potential litigation.

Do we as individual mobile notaries have the right to refuse service to individuals for whatever reasoning we employ? The law cited above appears to require servicing all legal requests. My “not before us” is probably on weak legal grounds; I am not an attorney. How do you respond to requests that you do not wish to accept; especially those from individuals with proper ID, etc.

.

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January 15, 2011

2014 Most ACTIVE signing companies

Filed under: Popular Signing Co. Lists,Signing Company Gossip — Tags: — admin @ 10:31 am

These companies were the most active in 2014 each with multiple comments in our forum.

Accurate National Signing Service
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5512

Always Signing
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6515

American Signing Connection
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2397

BNN Services
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4694

Convenient Closers
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6071

Doc Pros
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2546

e-Notaries.net
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4810

Executive Signing Agents
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2218

FASS
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2829

Field Choice
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4677

Global Notary
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2517

Land & Law Group
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6102

Loan Processing Center
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4934

LSI
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6591

Mobile Signing Solutions Corp
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4379

Mortgage Connect LP
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3430

Morttgagedocs.com
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4082

Nations Direct
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2436

Servicelink
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3537

Sign Here Ink
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6596

Signing Stream
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5872

Skye Closings
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3714

Timios Title
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4907

WFG National Title Insurance Company
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5117

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Roseanne calls the NNA when she thought she was calling the NRA.

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:10 am

Speaking of rebooting a show that doesn’t deserve to be rebooted. Here’s what happens when a Trump supporter becomes a Notary Public.

Roseanne was using Google to look up the NRA, but due to a typing error, found the NNA instead, and then started reading.

ROSEANNE: Hmm, this NNA organization sounds really helpful. They teach you everything you need to know to be a Notary, plus they sell ammunition… um, I mean supplies like Acknowledgment pads. I wonder if you can shoot an Acknowledgment.

DAN: Hey, shoot me over an Acknowledgment!

ROSEANNE: Oh, so you can shoot an Acknowledgment. Cool. I’m gonna call the NNA. (ring ring) Hey NNA, what would you carry if you were on a Notary trip?

NNA: Oh, well, we have an NNA carry-all bag.

ROSEANNE: I like these people already (yelling) Hey Dan, these folks have a carry-all bag! Hey NNA, can you fit a dead moose in one of your bags?

NNA: Um, I’m afraid that these bags are more for Notary supplies and can fit a journal, and a few pads of paper, seals, etc.

ROSEANNE: Well can you teach me how to operate one of them seals, take it apart, and clean it real nice… and reload it?

NNA: We can sell you some replacement ink. You just press the seal down to operate it.

ROSEANNE: Ahh (nasal), do I need any ear protection headset when I shoot your seal gun off?

NNA: I think you’re confusing us with the NRA.

ROSEANNE: I just want you people to know that I support second amendment — the right to bear Notarial arms.

DAN: Honey, you have the right to bear arms, but till you lose a little weight I’d wear long sleeves if I were you.

ROSEANNE: Stay out of it. If that ain’t the kettle calling the pot black. And then speaking of pot, can you operate a loaded notary seal under the influence of Marijuana?

NNA: Um, I believe that is a state specific question that is not covered by Notary law. Please consult an Attorney.

ROSEANNE: Do you know any Attorneys who smoke pot, or Attorney Notaries? Well, they’d have to smoke tons of pot if they would want to be Notaries, right?

NNA: The Notary profession is a very respected profession that has been around for hundreds of years. Please do not defile our profession. We gain tremendous pride from reading about our Notaries of the year as they contribute tremendous integrity to our profession.

ROSEANNE: Well, whaddo I gotta do to be Notary of the year?

DAN: Wait for a really crappy year when everybody else really sucks.

NNA: Well, let’s first start with getting a Notary commission and learning our Notary Basics, shall we?

ROSEANNE: Is there a way I can become Notary of the year on false pretenses? I’m a good liar. I lie about my age and my sex life. Hey Dan, I’m 30 right?

DAN: Yeah, and you’re really hot too, and I’m not just talking about your flashes.

ROSEANNE: See how good I am at telling the truth about myself in a deceitful way?

NNA: You see maam, the Notary profession is based on integrity. The role of the Notary is to keep accurate records, deter fraud, and be completely honest in all transactions.

ROSEANNE: You missed your calling in life, you should have been a church lady, isn’t that special? Or a mime, that way I wouldn’t have to hear you.

NNA: Well just let us know when you are commissioned, and we’ll take it from there. Just make sure you get this all done before the end of Notary season. (hangs up.)

NNA PERSON #2: There’s no such thing as Notary season.

NNA: You have to make hunting references when you’re talking to this lady otherwise she can’t relate to anything you’re saying.

NNA PERSON #2: Okay, time for lunch. Are you up for anything gamey?

NNA: In Chatsworth, CA? Good luck!

.

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Advice to new notaries: Interview with a Veteran Notary

Filed under: General Articles,Popular on Linked In — Tags: , — admin @ 8:20 am

I love doing loans signings, and have done them for ten years. I have been in Real Estate for 30 years, but I like the loan signings better. I’ve met all kinds of people, and the NSA has a chance to help them all.

RE new NSAs: Notaries have to know when to keep their mouth shut. If there is something on the loan docs the borrower wants to know about, always give them a general answer– but if you say the wrong thing, forget it!
For instance, a notary could say “I can get you a better interest rate!” But we don’t know why those figures are there– why the person has the rate he/ she has. Don’t comment! That particular loan can fold. But the notary may not know the workings of the escrow to get it to that point. ALWAYS have the borrowers contact the Loan Officer. I am old enough to know that if that borrower is so upset, I can handle it.

You can look around the home and know how to handle the signing. For example, at Christmas, I went to a home where the borrower was disgusted. They were packing to go on a trip, and a lot of things were set up to go. They had a baby. That tells me “Say some reassuring things.” I mother them. The loan had taken 7 months, and it was Christmas eve day. It had taken so long! I told her I understood, and that I could leave if she wanted me to. She saw I was experienced and that I cared, and she calmed down and signed. She might not have signed for another notary.

One time a borrower did not show for about 30 mins– there was a girlfriend living in the house, and there was a wife– the man was buying her out! I had to tell them to stop the bad language, and she was also afraid that he was going to take all the money. I said “I’m out of here”— but then they calmed down and signed. A new notary would have panicked and left. But I got them to sign: their marriage was over, and they needed the money. I did a reverse mortgage for a man who sold Fuller Brush. The man wanted to read it all– three hours! I looked around the house, and he had nothing there! He didn’t even have enough income to support himself and his disabled son. I knew he needed the loan and I let him read. I asked him “Do you know what I just read?” He didn’t. I had to make him understand what the APR is (briefly; a generic answer–like you have on 123notary–in the Ninja book.) After the signing, he came to the house and handed my daughter a $50 gift certificate. He was so grateful. This was years ago.

Every situation is different. You need to adapt to that situation. You are doing the borrower a disservice if you just point and sign.
You should also never backdate. There is always someone who will talk if you do something wrong. The only person who is not going to talk is me. But you can never trust the company not to come back to blame you in the future–so don’t backdate!

These borrowers are real people– not just numbers. Be sure you know about the documents!
Instead of taking low-ball offers — take a course and study the loan documents! This will give you a lot of business. You do not need to take low offers to start out. Your printer and computer, phone, car insurance, gas– all these come out of what you make. You can’t print and do all this and do a loan for $60.

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Interview with Timios title
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Dumb and Dumberer for Notaries

Filed under: Movie Themes,Popular on Linked In — Tags: — admin @ 8:15 am

Harry and Lloyd set out to become notaries. Little did society (or the county clerk) know that they would be the dumbest notaries in human recorded history.

HARRY: I just got my new notary stamp.

LLOYD: Don’t forget to lick the stamp before you use it.

HARRY: Ha! I’m already ahead of you, my friend. (Sticking out tongue and revealing indented tongue from embosser.)

LLOYD: (sticking out his tongue) No, you’re not. I licked your notary stamp first!

HARRY: Ewwww. That means I licked where your tongue already was.

LLOYD: Ewwww.

HARRY: Hey, I’m going to my first notary assignment tomorrow. Wanna come for moral support and tips?

LLOYD: I guess. But, why do I have to tip you if you’re doing the job for someone else?

(at the assignment)

SAMANTHA: Thanks so much for coming. It’s so hard to find a Notary at the last minute.

HARRY: It’s the last minute?!!! Oh no, we’re all going to die!!!!

SAMANTHA: It’s a figure of speech. There will be other minutes.

LLOYD: Oooh. Pretty… and smart!

(Harry had Samantha sign the journal inside the book cover like an autograph. Then he attached a certificate to the documents. He wasn’t sure if Samantha was a guy or a chick, so he crossed on the he/she/they, used white out and wrote “it” in handwriting. What a dumb thing to do.)

HARRY: Done!

LLOYD: Aren’t you forgetting something?

HARRY: Oh yeah… (he licks his stamp after he affixed it. Luckily Samantha was too dumb to know the difference)

SAMANTHA: Thanks so much. I might need help next week with a lien.

HARRY & LLOYD: We’re good at that — watch this. (they both lean, bracing themselves against the wall.)

SAMANTHA: And a Quaker friend will need a notarization with an Oath.

HARRY: No problem. I’ll bring a box of them!

(The next day, a call came in from Dave who needed a notary for his Affidavit of Statute of Limitations for his Attorney) In looking up Harry’s profile, he noticed he’d written that he was a hard worker and had a professional misdemeanor.

DAVE: Hi, I’ll need a Notary. Can you meet me in the park for the notarization? It’s near my Attorney’s office.

HARRY: Your attorney lives in a park? Cool! I know this great fountain where we can meet.

(They both arrive. At the fountain where there is a statue)

DAVE: I’m so glad you could help. Here’s my document.

HARRY: Document? I already did the work, dude. See my seal over there? It’s on the statue of limitations. It was hard to find a clean spot next to all the bird droppings. Maybe that’s why it’s so limited. The person assigned to keep it clean is also limited if you ask me.

DAVE: What? You birdbrain!

HARRY: Thanks! Not that I’m smart enough to crap on a statue.

(The third day, he did a notarization for Luke)

HARRY: Okay Luke, you called for Quaker oats, and I brought you two boxes. Wanna warm some up?

LUKE: No Harry, I didn’t want Quaker Oats, I wanted Quaker Oaths.

HARRY: Oh, so that’s the part of the manual I read wrong. Let me get my hat. Okay, now swear.

LUKE: That’s not how it’s done. I’ve been to many notaries before.

HARRY: So, how do you do an Oath? This is my first commission, and probably my last if I don’t get suspended or held back a year.

LUKE: You start by asking a question, like, do you swear that you agree to the terms in this agreement?

HARRY: Do, I &%$-ing swear to agree to the &%#-ing terms in your &$#-ing agreement? I &%#-ing do swear!

LUKE: It’s not that kind of swearing, it’s the type of swearing like when you swear to tell the truth.

HARRY: Ohhhh. Well, I &%$-ing do swear to tell the &*$%-ing truth.

LUKE: I also need a Will notarized.

LLOYD: And a way?

LUKE: A way to notarize the will?

LLOYD: Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Here’s something I never got about legal documents. If there’s a will, why isn’t there also a won’t?

HARRY: Because they won’t want a Won’t — that’s why they call it “Won’t.”

LLOYD: Oh, that actually kind of makes sense.

HARRY: Okay, anything else?

LUKE: I heard that you could do e-signatures too?

HARRY: No, I don’t mess with that. I heard some Notary dude got electrocuted doing an e-signature. I saw a picture of him in the paper with his hair all frizzled. That’s a “don’t try this at home” type of notarization.

LUKE: Okay, thanks.

(The fourth day, they were asked to help sign a loan. The loan docs were late, so Harry took matters into his own hands.)

HARRY: What are the documents supposed to be in a loan?

LLOYD: Well, there is a Deed. So, we could do a Deed. Then there’s the Note. I have a note from my gym teacher saying I’m not fit to play volleyball. And if they don’t like that, I have this G# I lifted from music class. There is a Right to Cancel too. I could draw that up on my computer. Then, there is a HUB. I could bring the hub cap that’s been sitting on the corner for about a week. Here, help me. I want to put all of this in a box so we’ll be prepared.

HARRY: Lloyd — you’re the greatest friend a guy could have! And one of the smartest, and most prepared friends too!

LLOYD: If a smart guy like you thinks so, it must be true!

.

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