(From 2019 – about how I got sick and was bedridden)

For those of you who don’t know, I got very sick in March of 2019 to the point where I could not stand up for long without extreme fatigue. It was a stomach flu that initiated with two bouts of severe vomiting 45 minutes from each other subsequent to some tikka masala which I might add that I complained about because it was “not spicy enough.” Maybe I should thank those losers for never spicing their food up to Indian standards instead of complaining because my intestines were having a 5 alarm fire for hours and no amount of Advil would help. (Disclaimer — Advil is a wonderful product that I use regularly and I wish not to dis-quantify or invalidate its effectiveness in any, way shape or form other than perhaps the gel-capsule form.)

I foolishly was concerned that the next day I might not be able to get much done because I would be too tired. I did not realize it would be five days of being an invalid only able to toss and turn in bed and having only four hours per day to be doing work, going to appointments, taking my walk, or doing anything of value.

In any case, I thought that I needed electrolytes since I had vomited so I got coconut water. My doctor said Gatorade is better than fruit juice since it has less sugar. The internet articles by big medical establishments agreed with my doctor (but didn’t nod their head in an assuring way because they were articles and not people.) The truth is that coconut water is lower in sugar than Gatorade, yet seemed to irritate my intestines.

Traditional Indian wisdom is that if you have had too much to drink, are dehydrated or have vomited, then have coconut water. I normally follow this line of thought as coconut water has a generous supply of five of the minerals that you need. Modern knowledge says Gatorade, and Gatorade did the trick and was easier on my intestines. Also, I stopped feeling dehydrated after consuming Gatorade regularly when coconut water (similar amount of sodium & potassium) did not make me stop being dehydrated — beverage for thought.

Traditional Jewish knowledge points to the fact that chicken soup is the cure for the common cold and a long list of other ailments. However, I tried different brands of chicken soup and found that Progresso had magical effects on making me feel good while the other cheaper brand actually made me feel worse. And by the way, Wolfgang Puck’s chicken soup with rice and wild rice was good too, but I still prefer Progresso. So, on night six I went from being bedridden to being able to sit up and work at least a few hours at night for the first time in days.

The irony of the Jewish knowledge is that according to traditional Chinese knowledge chicken and rice are both good for the lung meridian, and when you are sick, your lung meridian normally needs a bit of stimulation. The Jews figured out what to do, but the Chinese figured out the “why” part. Jews are always asking, “why”, but Chinese doctors are always the ones who give the “because.”

So, now is day seven. I am still napping, but am working as industriously as on a regular day… well almost.

I’m not sure if Jewish mothers in law in the 1800’s knew about Progresso, but if I could go back in a time machine with Google translate and use the Yiddish application, I would transmit this very important piece of knowledge. And while we’re on that topic. How long before there is such a thing as Google Time Travel. I think they’re working on it but I never got the memo., at least not when I was supposed to…

So, now is day nine and I feel 95% better. I am fully functional, walking, eating normal food again, and feeling relieved. Because, with that illness I thought I’d never recover and I had no idea how long it would take to recover. I am just so thankful that my body recuperated with the help of sleep, vitamin C, acupuncture, garlic, Gatorade, and of course — chicken soup!

I went to Texas in November on a relocation trip. I wanted to get a sense of the various cities so I could figure out if I wanted to relocate. Needless to say, driving from Los Angeles to Texas was a lot of driving. I was anxious to get out of town. So, I got my work done as fast as possible. The minute I was done, I bolted. The first day I drove 700 miles from Los Angeles to Deming. Then from Deming to Hobbs so I could see more of Southeastern New Mexico and then the next day I got to Dallas.

My dream was to have dim sum (Chinese dumplings brought around on little carts) and sit next to a Texas millionaire who was about 65 and wearing an oversized coyboy hat who would tell me all about how he made his first million while ordering in fluent Chinese with a thick Texan drawl. No such luck. My meal in Dallas was spent sitting next to some snobby guys in their mid 30’s who looked like they were more than just friends. The entire restaurant was snobby and unfriendly. It took a few days to figure out that every Texan I met hated Dallas and thought it was snobby. But, Dallas is where the sophistication is. Can’t we have sophistication without the attitude problem? I’m not moving to this place. So, I checked out some other towns and had excellent Chinese food in Richardson and Grand Prairie.

I drove down to Houston which had a very odd Gulf of Mexico vibe even when you were 50 miles or more from the water. Other people felt it too. The road rage in Houston was bad, and I got out of there, but only after a few hours bumming around Chinatown and having some good dumplings. The next day was the Alamo. I had been there before (and didn’t forget) and loved it the second time around. I had Texas style gumbo on the riverwalk, and a great Thai massage uptown too. San Antonio is the nicest city I have seen anywhere. But, I didn’t meet my Texas millionaire there. Next was up to Austin, and I had a nice conversation with a construction worker at a taco place. He said the city did nothing but grow out of control for more than ten years and he had no time off. After that it was back to Fort Worth for a German pancake, some Cajun food and more looking around town. But, no Texas Millionaire. The next day I left Texas and it was up to Oklahoma.

The minute I crossed the border into Oklahoma I stopped for gas. There was a long line. I started chatting with a very unassuming guy who was about 65 dressed in jeans and a baseball hat plus a vest. He told me he had a house in Dallas and another in Palm Springs. He had a solid business, and worked until late in life, saved up and lived the lifestyle that he wanted. Finally — I had met my Texas millionaire! He was nice too. After that I saw a little of OKC, and then to Tulsa. I had no idea that Oklahoma was such a spiritual state. I meditated and the vibration for meditation was better there than anywhere else I have ever seen. Hiking next to a lake was spectacular too as Oklahoma is picturesque and beautiful. I had previously thought it was Texas under another name, but it is really different and so much more asthetically pleasing than Texas which is ugly in most parts (although the Eastern extreme of Texas has pretty trees).

After that I spent some time in New Mexico. I stayed in Santa Fe for a few days and then down to Roswell, Ruidoso, and Deming. I had great Mexican and Vietnamese food in Roswell and a great hike in Ruidoso. Roswell is famous for UFO landings. So I made my UFO joke.

ME: Are you going to abduct me?
GREEN GUY: No, but can you like us on Facebook?

It was hard to find healthy food in most of New Mexico. The state revolves around meat. Vegetables are just not a big thing there and that is bad. It is hard to stay healthy and not get fat, diabetes, or heart disease if you eat meat and tortillas all day long. In any case, I spent a few days in Phoenix after that where I know where to get amazing salads, and then came home feeling exhausted. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so drained. Carmen thought I was tired. But, I think that staying around oil rigs on the road was toxic. The Texas panhandle, Western Oklahoma and SE New Mexico are all being drilled up and it stinks of gas there. America is being destroyed by oil companies and the government allows this. Solar is so much of a better idea. When will we all wake up?

In any case, my trip was fruitful (but not vegetable-full) in that I learned which cities I like and which I did not. All in all, I think that moving out of Los Angeles is a bad idea as we have so much more here than any other city I have ever been to. And, I met my Texas millionaire – not where I wanted to meet him, and he wasn’t fluent in Chinese with a Texan drawl, but he was still nice.

My best memory of the trip was at Eatzy’s in Dallas in the sandwich section. I told the clerk how I complimented some people on their dumplings. I said:

“Ni-men de guo tie fei chang hao.” Then I said, “How is my accent?” He said, “You need to say y’all more.” I don’t think people use the word y’all when they speak Chinese. But, since I learned in the South of China, maybe it will catch on.

How bizarre. I got an email from a Notary on our database who lives in the Los Angeles area. She claims that she came across a document that I notarized back in 2001. It was a Deed of Trust for 4811 South Alamada (Alameda?) Partnership. That was a long time ago. I don’t remember the signer who’s name was Hannah Kelly. I filled up about 50 Notary journals during my career mostly with loan signings.

The signings I do remember were for a guy in jail who blew up his apartment experimenting with explosives. I also Notarized his jurors as a matter of coincidence. I remember doing 40 sets of fingerprints in Pico Rivera for a room of people mostly from Puebla Mexico. I remember an Attorney in Arcadia who had really long Health Directives for middle aged Chinese families who were thinking ahead. I remember a signing in South Central at a hospital where they made me wait forever while they slowly filled out their power of attorney forms and then the lady asked, “Do you like your job?” I told her that she was supposed to have her documents ready BEFORE she called me. I really enjoy scolding people who disrespect other people’s time.

I remember driving to Hemet, Victorville, and Santa Clarita for a Settlement Agent named Emily who gave me steady work. I remember a Real Estate agent who had endless Grant Deeds to sign. That’s about it from my eight year career. Most of my signers were boring as hell, but I had a handful of memorable ones. Jail signings were the most interesting.

Also read: What are Jeremy’s favorite blog entries?
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