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September 29, 2016

Notary Aptitude Test 2

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 11:56 am

(1) Notary Stamp is to Notary Seal what Attest is to:
(a) A test and a verbal verification (b) swearing and stating (c) The 123notary signing agent online test and proof (d) Oath and affirmation.

(2) Document Date is to Signing Date what Match.com date is to:
(a) Ditching date (b) Marriage date (c) Engagement date (d) Backdate (e) No relation

(3) Backdating is to signing what _____________ is to lying about your age.
(a) Match.com profiles (b) rescission date (c) Notary Applications (if you’re under 18 or not a US citizen) (d) notarizing an acknowledgment an hour before your signing appointment.

(4) Name on Title is to Name on a Document as name on Birth Certificate is to:
(a) Name on your ID (b) Your street aliases (c) Death Certificate (d) Mother’s maiden name

(5) Jurat is to Oath, what Oath is to:
(a) Quaker Oaths (b) Oath written text (c) Swearing (d) Attest

(6) Original document is to wet ink signature as commission paperwork is to:
(a) Secretary of State’s seal (b) name of your state (c) Felony conviction (d) Commission impossible

(7) Venue is to State what State is to:
(a) Secretary of State (b) City (c) County (d) Zip code

(8) Witness is to bank robbery what Notary act is to:
(a) Acknowledgment (b) Jurat (c) Protest (d) Unmarked Bills

(9) Subpoena is to testify what credible witness is to:
(a) Busy-body (b) Bank Robber (c) Subscribing Witness (d) Identify

(10) Middle initial is to document what ___________ is to identification
(a) Name (b) Middle Name (c) Matching or longer (d) Name on Title

(11) Digital signature is to an eSigning what a/an ________________ is to the future of the Notary profession.
(a) eDocuments (b) Notary (c) eNotary (d) 123notary

(12) SnapDocs is to the Notary Profession what Walmart is to:
(a) eBay (b) Retail (c) Amazon (d) Life

ANSWERS:

1. Note to readers, seal has two meanings. It could mean a stamp, or a signature). Answer (a) is correct even though it is part joke and part true.

2. (e) is the correct answer as the document date is arbitrary and could be any date, and has no relation to the signing date although it is commonly the same date as the signing date by convention.

3. (a) Match.com profiles typically have women who lie about their age and roll back the years about five to ten years. But, do men also backdate their age?

4. The name on Title is your official name that the property is registered to which carries a certain amount of official merit to it and permenance just like the name on your birth certificate. However, people do change their names after the fact that could lead to different names on the document or ID. Correct answer is (a).

5. (c) Swearing is a part of the Oath just like an Oath is a part of the Jurat process.

6-12 Figure it out on your own! That was fun!

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You might also like:

Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

Two & a Half Notaries: Detering Notary Fraud
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April 12, 2015

Point (18-24) Notary Competence; Marcy’s Hospital Signing

Filed under: (2) Technical and Legal — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 10:47 pm

Marcy had never done a hospital signing. But, she liked kids, and was thoughtful towards elderly people as well. She was called to go to St. Joseph’s to do a notarization for a bedridden old lady. When Marcy got to the hospital, she learned that the elderly lady could barely move her arms. Luckily, the lady was able to sign an X in chicken scratchy writing. Marcy was able to get together a few others in the hospital to act as subscribing witnesses. Marcy had studied this procedure since she knew that one day a notarization would be ruined and a client lost if she didn’t know it inside out. She got the subscribing witnesses to sign the first name and the last name next to the X in their own handwriting in the journal and in the document. Next, she asked the old lady to explain the document. Unfortunately, the old lady was so mentally impaired, that she could not get a single sentence out about anything. Marcy didn’t want to end up in court, so she played it safe. She declined to notarize after all of that work. Better safe than sorry, because in a fraud investigation, only God knows how long you would be in court!

The very next day, Marcy got a call from 123notary. They wanted to help her brush up on her knowledge. The girl at 123notary asked, “Name two Federal holidays in January.” Marcy said, “Oh, I know this… um…. Martin Luther King Day… and … I can’t think of the other one.” Marcy forgot about New Year’s Day. This may seem funny, but 9 out of 10 answer this question incorrectly. The answer is too obvious, or since it is celebrated in the last evening of December, it doesn’t seem like it happens in January.

The following day, Marcy got called in to notarize three Grant Deeds for a busy Realtor. They all had the same document date, the same signer, and would all be notarized on the same day. Marcy wanted to mark her journal and the additional information sections of the Acknowledgments with some distinguishing information to tell these documents apart. After all, they had the same name, date, signer, and everything! So, Marcy wrote the document date, the name of the document, # of pages, and some other information in the additional info section, but also wrote the property address as that was the only unique piece of information to separate the three Grant Deeds. Marcy was being smart now and staying out of trouble. After all, she didn’t want someone playing swap the Acknowledgment certificate after the fact. That would be a long court case. Smart — very smart!

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Point (18) Name Variations, Middle Initials & Identification
If the printed name on the signature section of the document says, Tom T Smith, then the signer has to sign that way. Once in a while there is a consistency error where the spelling of the name or the name variation might vary throughout the loan by accident. If the signer’s ID has a shorter version of the signer’s name, then it would be illegal to notarize them under a longer name. For example, the ID says “Tom Smith” and the loan documents say “Tom T Smith”, then you can’t notarize the person under the name “Tom T Smith”.

On the other hand, if the ID says, “Thomas Timothy Smith”, then you can notarize him as Thomas T Smith, or just Thomas Smith in addition to the full name stated on the ID.

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Point (19) Journals
Whatever name you choose to represent the signer that is legal according to your state’s Notary law gets recorded in your journal. Each journal entry must record:

The Date & Time of the notarization
The Type of notarization, i.e. Jurat, Acknowledgment, Oath
The name of the document & optional date of document
The name and address of the signer
The identification of the signer
The Notary fee you are charging
A signature of the signer
There should be space for the thumbprint of the signer to the right.

It is recommended that you take thumbprints for notarizations of any type of document affecting real property such as a Deed, or for Powers of Attorney. Additionally, if the method of identification was credible witnesses which is allowed in many states, you should take a thumbprint just to give extra proof of the person’s identity should it ever be questioned in court.

The most confusing part of a journal entry for Notaries is the additional notes section. What notes should you take? This is where you record information about credible witnesses and their signatures. The witnesses do NOT sign where the signer’s signature goes; otherwise where will the signer sign? You can take notes about the building, or neighborhood, or anything distinctive about the signers or your surroundings. This might jog your memory a few years after the fact should you ever be called into court about the notarization — and some type of investigation will likely happen at least once during your four year term. So, keep well documented evidence for all of your transactions.

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Point (20) Federal Holidays
Please memorize these holidays, and the days or months they fall upon. You will be tested on this.

New Years Day
Martin Luther King Day
Washington’s birthday AKA and observed on Presidents’ day
Memorial Day
Independence Day
Labor Day
Columbus Day
Veterans Day
Thanksgiving
Christmas

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Point (21) Notary Acts: Acknowledgments, Jurats, Oaths, Copy Certification by Document Custodian

(1) Acknowledgments
The signer doesn’t need to sign in front of you for an Acknowledgment. But, they need to appear before you and be positively identified. Do you keep a pad of Acknowledgment forms with your state’s wording? If there is a wording error on the acknowledgment provided to you, and you don’t have a replacement form, you will have to use cross-outs which is very unprofessional. Additionally, the notarization might get rejected if there are cross-outs. Keep a journal even if your state doesn’t require it. That is your evidence when you are investigated for someone’s fraud. You might have to lose a day or more in court if you don’t have your paperwork in order. Take journal thumbprints too, just to be thorough. Be professional, carry Acknowledgment and Jurat pads. Ninjas always carry what they need.

(2) Jurats
Jurats require identification in most states although they didn’t used to many years ago. The signer must sign before you for a Jurat. You must make them swear to the truthfulness of the statement or document as well. Affidavits typically use Jurats, although that is up to your client what type of notarization they want. Don’t forget to administer the Oath to the Affiant, or you are breaking the law! Know your notary procedures.

(3) Copies of a document?
Foreigners often need their transcripts notarized, or copies of their transcripts. The law forbids copies of vital records, but not on transcripts. You should ideally supervise the copying of the records to make sure the copy is real. That is a best practice that you can do as a notary. Some states allow a Copy Certification by Document Custodian form which is a Jurat with some extra wording on it and recognized as its own notary act. Clients were happy that I not only notarized the copy, but made a note on the certificate that I personally supervised the copying, and I signed my brief note as well. People were happy with the thoroughness of my work.

(4) Oaths
What is proper Oath wording? A lot is left to the notary who is generally untrained.
There is no official Oath wording for notaries. So, the Notary is left to improvise. Here is some wording we generally like:

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Are the contents of this document complete, true, and correct to the best of your knowledge?

By the way, the name of the person who swears under Oath is the Affiant.

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Here are some other points about certificates

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Loose Certificates
Don’t send loose certificates in the mail. If the lender wants a new certificate, ask for the document and original certificate, destroy the original, and attach a new one. You do not legally need to see the signer again to do that. There should only be one certificate floating around with the document. Make sure to date the new certificate the date when the notarization was actually done and not today’s date! Important point.

Certificate Wording
Most notaries do not cross out the wording in Acknowledgment sections. Where it says “his/her/their” requires the notary to cross out two of the three. That way, upon reading the edited wording, you know if you are dealing with a single man, single woman, or a plural amount of people. Sometimes the gender of the signer is not obvious based on their name. Signature(s)? What if you have one signer who signed a document twice? Then don’t cross out the (s) buddy! This is not rocket science, but most notaries do not do their cross-outs. This is the one document where you not only get to cross words out, but you are legally required.

Backdating
The date you use for a notarization must be the date of the signing. If it is around midnight, then either the date before or after midnight will do. That is the only exception. If you ask me, I feel that the date on an Acknowledgment should correspond to the minute that the signer signed the notary journal since the document could have been signed before the notarization and the certificate could be filled out after. This is only important if you have a midnight signing, otherwise there is no question about the date.

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Point (22) Elderly Notarizations & Signature by X
If you are a Notary who visits hospitals, you will have to learn how to handle difficult elder signings. Many elders have trouble moving their arms. Additionally, if the nurses have given them drugs, then they might not even be able to stay awake or communicate. You need to make sure the elder is sober. It might be illegal in your state to notarize a signer under the influence of morphine or whatever drug they are on. You also need to make sure the elderly signer understands what they are signing so they don’t get scammed. You need to make sure they are the ones signing the document and not an overly zealous daughter who puts a pen in grandma’s hand, grabs the old lady’s arm and moves it around to make a signature.

Use due caution when notarizing the elderly
Please keep in mind that the well-meaning middle-aged people who call you to visit the hospital to notarize granny might not be the old lady’s children. They might be some strangers who just wanted to “help out” who might be trying to cheat granny out of every penny she owns through a Power of Attorney or some other legal documentation that a senile old person might not mentally grasp. Take precautions to make sure you are not facilitating a scam, and that the elderly signer can state in their own words what the document is about. It might be difficult to ascertain by looking at identification cards who is related to whom as relatives don’t always share the same surname. Just assume that people might not be related and might not have honorable intentions no matter how nice they seem. Otherwise you could end up in court for a very long time!

What is Signature by X?
Signature by X is where the signer being notarized signs an X instead of a regular signature.
Many Notaries go through their entire career without understanding the necessity and importance of the Signature by X / Signature by Mark procedure (Notarizing an X). If you have ever done a hospital signing, or signing for elderly, you might be acutely aware of the physical and mental limitations that a signer has in tasks we take for granted. This often necessitates Signature by X procedures.

What steps are necessary for a Signature by Mark or X?

(1) You need two Subscribing Witnesses who witness the Signature by X.
(2) The signer signs an X in your journal and on the document.
(3) Witness one signs the person’s first name in the document and journal.
(4) Witness two signs the persons middle and last names in the document and journal.
(5) Document the ID’s and signatures of the witnesses in the document and journal.
(6) Keep in mind that this is a very unusual notary procedure and is tricky.

Subscribing Witnesses?
What is a Subscribing Witness? Anyone who witnesses someone signing by X as an official act is a Subscribing Witness. Subscribing Witnesses sign the document and the journal. In California, one witness signs the signer’s first name and the other signer signs the signer’s last and middle name (if there is one). It’s good to create documentation to accompany the document as to what this odd procedure is, since it is uncommon and looks strange. It’s also prudent to indicate the Subscribing Witnesses’ names on the actual document and that they witnessed the Signature by X.

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Point (23) Elizors
I am adding this topic just so notaries can appear intelligent if the subject ever comes up. In my career I have never heard this term, but maybe you will. An Elizor is a court appointed official that can sign over property when the owner refuses to cooperate with the court.

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Point (24) Embossers
An embosser may be used in many states as a supplemental Notary seal. As a secondary seal, the embosser should not use ink. Embossers leave a raised three dimensional impression in paper. If a Notary is prudent and embosses every page of every document they ever notarized, then it will become obvious if pages are swapped after the fact as they would not be embossed. Additionally, in a rare case where a Notary’s seal is forged, the forger will not be likely to be smart enough to also forge the secondary embosser which will make their forgery very obviously detectable. Embossers help to deter and identify fraud. They are highly recommended as a result.

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You might also like:

30 Point Course Table of Contents
http://blog.123notary.com/?cat=3442

30 Point Courses (25-27) Identification, Wrong Venues, Fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14514

Sending loose certificates is illegal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2470

The Signature Affidavit
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13190

Notary Journals from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8348

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March 27, 2015

Notary Etiquette from Atheist to Zombie

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Etiquette,Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 6:41 am

AKA: How to be polite when you’re in Affix!

Atheist etiquette
If you are notarizing an Atheist and he/she sneezes, don’t say God bless you.

Don’t sell people’s signatures
If you are notarizing a celebrity — Don’t rip out the portion of your journal with their autograph on it and sell it on ebay. That is considered to be bad manners in certain circles and is also a violation of notary law! Don’t sell your roommate’s notary seal on ebay either.

Don’t second guess family relations.
If you notarize who you think is the guy’s mother, but the woman is the guy’s wife, keep it to yourself. I once asked a guy, if I was going to notarize his mother, then he said, “That’s my wife.” — awkward… Oh, and don’t ask people if they are lesbian lovers even if you are asked to notarized an affidavit of domicile. Let them volunteer that information if they care to do so.

Guns & Religion
If you bring a gun to a signing, don’t talk about other loaded subjects like religion. On the other hand, if you go to a signing in a church, circumvent the issue of circumcision. If the phone rings during a Church signing, if it ain’t Jesus, don’t answer it.

If you are doing a signing for a hunter, should you bring up guns?
It’s worth a shot!

Tips for Notarizing Assassins
Avoid asking an assassin any direct questions such as, “What do you do?” Rather, ask more roundabout open ended questions, such as, “Have you done anything interesting recently with your career?” After all, if their deeds were done in some African country, they can speak freely in the United States about it with no fear of an awkward moment at a party.
If you make a mistake notarizing an assassin, don’t say, “SHOOT!”
If you are doing a signing for an assassin, make sure you include their middle name in the document.
I once asked an assassin, what is the difference between a murder and an assassination — where do you draw the line?

Loud televisions
Instead of bluntly asking someone to turn the TV down, you can say, “It’s very hard to hear you — did you say you liked your rate, or that you were having trouble staying awake?”
If you are mumbling under your breath, “What an idiot” in the context of asking someone to turn their TV down: make sure you say that with a safe margin of error before they actually turn the TV down.
If an elderly relative is watching a loud television. Politely let them know that you don’t want to let them know that you don’t want to become as deaf as they evidently are.

Notary Notes Sections
Rather than write the regular stuff in your notes section, you could write, “I will never insult the borrower, and I have a policy against parking in people’s lawns.”

Going to the bathroom in an outhouse
Notaries should never make a signer feel uncomfortable about having an outhouse. You should gracefully address the issue, but only if you actually are forced by natural causes to use that infrastructure. “I just loved the quarter moon in your outhouse, how quaint.”
“I just loved the latest issue of Outhouse & Gardens that I read while I was doing my business.”

Signings with beautiful women
If they ask you to do a Deed, it will be far more disappointing than doing “The Deed.”

Tips for Notarizing Zombies
It is considered bad manners for the notary to participate in the chanting, especially after they bring out the dead chicken, unless given express permission, otherwise it might cancel out the curse. Never tell a zombie that they look deathly ill — rather, tell them that they look deathly well. If you are having a zombie swear to the authenticity of a curse, it might be wiser to have the swear to a written version of the curse verbiage rather than to have them do a completely sworn Oath (otherwise you might become cursed or start hearing voices.) If asked to notarize a zombie’s death certificate, rather than claiming that it is against notary law to do so, ask them, “Which one?”

Popular Zombie Documents
It is common to have a formal Affidavit of transfer of Custodianship of Soul. This is where the zombie officially grants Power of Attorney to the “Bokor” or sorceror to have full control over their soul and body (or what’s left of it.) Please be advised that many zombies only have half a soul.

If a zombie commits perjury, it is punishable by life in prison. But, it is not stipulated which soul will inhabit the body during the sentence.

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You might also like:

Borrower etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2995

Notary etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=300

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April 14, 2013

Minimum Competency Test Study Guide

Filed under: Loan Signing 101 — Tags: , , — admin @ 1:21 am

We really want all of our notaries on the site to pass our certification test. So far, roughly 1700 people out of 7000 on 123notary (March 2013) are certified or elite certified by 123notary.com. The others are not, and they are not interesting in paying for any study guide or tests. So, my solution is to offer something more basic that is FREE.

We will have an online test eventually for minimum competency. In the short run, we will do an over the phone test. We don’t even have the programming for an icon for the minimum competency, but we will have one soon. In the future, we will set a requirement for how soon you have to pass our MC test to stay on the site. But, for now, there is no rule — only FREE study materials.

Here are the topics we are including in this test:

(1) Confirming the signing & confirming identification
Many signing companies do not want the notary to confirm the appointment. However, if you don’t, then the borrowers might not be ready for you when you come. If you have a busy night of signings, you can not afford to be kept waiting. Additionally, if a non-borrowing spouse is on three or four of the documents (which is typical), you need to make sure that they are there, or else you might not get paid. Be careful of companies that don’t want you to confirm unless they have a spotless payment record with you and on 123notary.com/s (i-phone accessible list of signing companies with reviews).

When confirming a signing, introduce yourself and let them know that you are the notary. Let them know what time you are going to see them, what their NAMES are on the documents, and WHO is required to show up.

Example.
Notary: Hi, my name is Charles Notarinsky, and I will be your notary public this evening. I will be showing up at 6pm. Peter J Selinsky, and Jane Doe will be signing documents this evening. Will both Peter and Jane be able to be at the signing at 6pm? Additionally, may I ask if Peter’s identification has his name typed exactly as Peter J Selinsky with the middle initial J, or a middle name starting with the letter J?

Borrower: Why do you care?

Notary: Legally, I will not be able to notarize Peter’s signature if there is no middle initial or middle name beginning with a J in his identification document. Additionally, I need to make sure that both signers have CURRENT government issued photo-ID.

Borrower: Oh, I didn’t realize that. Hmmm, let’s see. Yes, my ID is a current California Driver’s license expiring in 2017 and has the name Peter John Selinsky. It looks like we are in business. Jane’s license also has her name as Jane R Doe which is longer than the variation on the document. That is okay, right?

Notary: Longer on the ID works — shorter doesn’t. We are in business. See you at 6pm, and in the mean time — cross your eyes and dot your tees. See you soon.

Note: Some states will allow an expired ID if it was ISSUED within a specified number of years.

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(2) What to say and what not to say
(a) Once assigned a signing, proceed to the signing at the appointed time.

(b) Don’t park in the driveway as that is considered rude — unless you have permission to do so. Don’t ask permission to park in the driveway unless there is a problem parking on the street. If the borrower has a one mile driveway that goes up a steep hill, or lives in a condo complex with assigned parking — ask for help.

(c) Don’t call the borrower a customer or client. The Title company is the end-user here hiring the signing company that hired you. You are the notary signing agent and they are the BORROWER.

(d) Answer the phone stating your name. Don’t say, “Hullo” and keep people guessing as to your identity. First of all it makes them ask who you are which is an unnecessary and aggravating extra step. Second, it is not professional. Third, they might confuse you with your daughter and start explaining the loan process to your daughter.

(e) Don’t let other people answer your business line. If your daughter uses the same line, then she must introduce herself when answering the phone.

(f) Don’t have background noise when answering the phone, and if there is noise, then apologize for the noise and move to a quieter location.

(g) Don’t answer the phone only to tell someone that now is a bad time to talk. If now is a bad time, then don’t answer the phone. If you answer the phone, give people at least 90 seconds of your time out of courtesy.

(h) Think twice before answering your phone at a signing. If you don’t, then you might miss the opportunity for your next job. If you do, then you will be being rude. Weight the factors before you answer your line.

(i) Tell the borrowers at the BEGINNING how long you can stay. Tell them that this is a signing appointment, and that if they need to read everything in detail, that they are welcome to read after the signing, and that they have (3) days to rescind if they don’t like what they read.

(j) This is a business meeting, so don’t talk about politics or religion as that might offend people. Even talking about the weather is off-topic. Your job is to get in, sign the documents, and get out to your nearest Fedex station as soon as possible.

(k) No drinks on the table — ever

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(3) Signing as printed
Borrowers must sign their name exactly as printed — unless the lender or your contact person specifies otherwise.

If the name on the document doesn’t match the identification, then legally you can not notarize them under that typed name. In such a situation, consider using the Signature Affidavit to document the other names the person goes by and signing as the identification reads. In this situation you have a choice between satisfying the LOAN OFFICER, or your state’s Secretary of State. The lender can not put you in jail, but the latter party can. The law takes priority in this case.

If the signer’s name is James J Johnson, then they sign James J Johnson, and the middle initial J should ideally show up clearly. Otherwise the lender will have trouble selling the loan to a third party. Please take this into consideration as most loans are sold.

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(4) When to call the Loan Officer, Title or Signing Company
If the borrower has any SPECIFIC questions about their loan, call the Loan Officer or whomever you have been instructed to call. If your appointment is under time pressure because you have to go to your next appointment, let all parties concerned know that you have to leave at 8pm whether their documents are signed or not. If you are knowledgeable enough to answer general types of questions about documents, you might consider answering them yourself unless your state has a law against notaries opening their mouth such as in Attorney states.

If the your contact person(s) is/are not there, then leave a message and wait 20 minutes for a return call. If you don’t get a call back, then leave another message and wait another 5 minutes before you give up.

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(5) Your job is not to coerce
If a borrower doesn’t want to sign something, call the lender or your contact person. If you left a message and they don’t call back, don’t take matters into your own hands until after you called twice leaving the appropriate amount of waiting time between both calls. If you don’t hear back after the second waiting time, then explain how the borrower has three days to rescind and that they can talk to their lender during those three days to have the situation explained to them. Additionally, explain that their loan might not fund if they don’t sign.

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(6) Reading instructions
Many loans come with an instructions sheet called a letter of instructions. Read that before doing anything. Take note about oral instructions too. Each lender has their own rules. It is your job to follow the rules. Some lenders want you to call them about any little thing. Others allow cross outs. A few don’t want you to confirm the signing. Many want you to break the law. Don’t break the law — but follow all legal instructions. By the way, if you don’t know your state’s law, then you won’t know if you are breaking it, and you can end up in court or jail very easily. Know the law!

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(7) Following instructions
A lender named Chad assigns the notary a signing. Chad says that if there is any problem, to call him at 333-333-3333 immediately, otherwise you are fired. The notary goes to a signing for Joe. Joe gets half way through the stack and finds that he doesn’t like the XYZ document which is not notarized. Joe says that he refuses to sign. The notary calls the lender and gets, “Hi, this is Chad, I’m not here right now…”

Q. What is the next thing that the notary should do?

A. Leave a message and wait for a response. In the mean time, don’t twist the borrower’s arm into signing.

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(8) Listening and answering questions
I ask notaries questions, and it is like pulling teeth to get responses.

Q. How many loans have you signed?

A. I have been signing loans for three years… actually, three and a half years.

Q. I think you didn’t understand the question. How many loans have you signed?

A. Oh, well, I do about five loans per week.

Q. I think we are having a communication gap, how many loans have you signed in your career?

A. Hmmm, I never thought about that.

This is an easy question, where the notary is really testing the signing company’s patience.

Q. What are your hours of operation?

A. Well, I’m flexible

Q. I’m sorry, but that is not an answer. I don’t know what flexible means. Please tell me what hours you are available to work.

A. Well, I start at 8am.

Q. Thanks for the starting time, without an ending time, I don’t know when you can work until, and this is incomplete information

A. Well, it depends.

Q. You are not being helpful. Please just tell me what hours you are generally available for signing work.

A. Hmmm, I guess from 8am until 10pm, unless my daughter is staying late for softball practice in which case only until 9:30pm, and then if I’m feeling tired then perhaps 8:45 pm, but then I am rarely tired, and then…

Q. I’m sorry, but I am filling in a form that has room for numbers — not stories. Do you have an ending time? If not, then I have to remove you from my list permanently.

A. Just put 8am to 8pm.

Q. Wouldn’t it have been easier for both of us if you had just started out saying 8 to 8? It was like pulling teeth to get a simple answer from you.

Many notaries cannot answer simple questions. If they are this incompetent about answering simple questions, how will they handle complicated snags in a signing? Will they do something that endangers the loan out of stupidity? I think we all know the answer to that question.

Q. How would you explain the APR to a non-borrowing spouse?

A. Hmmm, well in my state, the non-borrowering spouse is not responsible for signing the documents, except for the …. (long explanation)

Unfortunately, this notary is anwering a DIFFERENT question than the one asked. They will most likely get fired even though they are very knowledgeable. Signing companies need notaries who follow instructions and answer questions — preferably the same question that was asked.

=======================

(9) The RTC
For a non-investment refinance, the borrower has (3) days not including Sundays and Federal holidays to cancel their loan. The day of the signing is NOT included in counting the days. If you sign on a Saturday, then Monday is day one, Tuesday is day two, and Wednesday at 11:59pm is the deadline for cancelling the loan in writing by the acceptable stated methods (stated in the Right to Cancel document). Sometimes the notary is expected to write in the dates, or change the dates in the Right to Cancel. If you make a mistake you could ruin someone’s loan. Learn how to count the three days, and memorize your Federal holidays in sequential order. Also, some lenders do not allow CROSS OUTS in the right to cancel, so make sure you know what you are allowed to do or not allowed to do.

If the borrower signs where it says, “I wish to rescind”, then don’t cross out, just grab a borrower copy and start all over. WATCH signers, as they seem to sign in the wrong place a lot these days.

==================================

(10) Journal entries
Not all states require journals. However, your journal is your only evidence if you should ever have to go to court. Keep a THUMBPRINT of the signers in your journal just in case anyone suspects fraud. A thumbprint is the most potent piece of evidence about the identity of the signer. Keep in mind that identification documents can be forged. Additionally, women change their hairstyle a lot, so you might not be able to recognize them in their ID photo. Some states require journal thumbprints for documents effecting real property and powers of attorney. Since the notary’s primary job is to identify signers, why not use the most effective means of identification as a supplement to the identification? It is fast and easy and could keep you out of court!

Q. If two signers are signing three documents each, how many journal entries do you need?

A. A separate journal entry for each document per person, which equals SIX journal entries. Each entry needs to be completely documented and signed by the signer.

Please record any unusual circumstances of the signing in your journal if there is any blank space. Sometimes there is an additional notes section. That will be your evidence in court. So, write that information with the intention of understanding what you were talking about when you read it five years after the fact. Your memory will fade, so be as thorough as possible and include all details that will job your memory.

===========================

(11) Smudgy seals
New notaries don’t understand that certain documents get recorded with the county recorder. Each individual at each of the USA’s different county recorder offices has different standards. They have the right to be very picky if they like. They might not like cross outs, light seal impressions, seal impressions with missing corners, or smudgy seals. Be careful when you are notarizing a recorded document. If you smudge your seal, you can use a loose certificate, and attach it to the corresponding document. The lender might not like that, but the law likes that and recorders will not complain about that.

Deeds, Mortgages, Subordination Agreements, and documents with the term Lien are likely to be recorded in addition to some Powers of Attorney.

========================

(12) Cross outs (Acknowledgments)
If there is wrong information on an Acknowledgment certificate, what do you do? Out of state wording that is not acceptable in your home state? Wrong information in the Venue such as a wrong county? What if the form says that two signers are showing up, but only one actually shows up? Should you cross out or attach a loose certificate? You can notarize a document twice if you have two journal entries in case you want to do both. If you add a loose certificate, make sure you LABEL the additional information section completely. A fraud could reattach your certificate to a DIFFERENT document signed by the same signer if you don’t document the name of the document, number of pages, document date, and any other information that your loose certificate might indicate.

========================

(13) Don’t leave unsigned paperwork with the borrowers
If the borrower won’t sign one or more papers, then load it up into the outgoing Fedex. The borrower’s copies are for the borrowers, not the lender copies.

=======================

(14) Confirmation of completion
Confirming the signing before the signing
Just say, “Hi this is Frank, I completed the signing for the Mazzingos at 14 Cherry Lane, Twingsboro, MA. The Fedex tracking number is 3333-3333-3333, I repeat, the Fedex tracking number is 3333-3333-3333. Call me if you have any issues.

==========================

(15) Don’t backdate
If asked to put a date on a notarization different from the date you went out — that is illegal — just say no!

========================

(16) Never use white out

================================

(17) Fedexing the documents
As documents are time sensitive, get them in the Fedex drop box as soon as you can (or drop box of whatever courier you are using). If you need to hear back from your contact person concerning a signing, don’t delay getting the documents back while you wait, as you might endanger the lender from getting things processed before the deadline. If you wait until the next morning to send it back because you are waiting for the signing company to call you, you might get busy the next day, and forget to put the Fedex in the drop box. You might miss the deadline, the documents would get back late. The borrower could even lose their lock in the worst scenario and sue you for $20,000. Don’t play games with time sensitivity.

Also, use a drop box at a Fedex hub, or manned station. Drop boxes in remote areas are not always picked up on schedule, and you will be in big trouble if they are not picked up. Know your local stations by memory so you know where to go, and don’t procrastinate. Get the documents in the box the night of the signing. Don’t wait until the next day unless you are forced to.

========================

(18) Don’t send loose certificates in the mail

Lenders are notorious about asking notaries to send loose certificates in the mail. That is illegal and can be used for fraud. If asked to do this, just ask for them to get the original document back to you with the original certificate. Then, destroy the original certificate and attach a new one. You do not need to see the signer again, just as long as there is only ONE well documented certificate floating around — attached to the document in question. Make sure to label the certificate with the document name, document date, number of pages, and any other identifying information you can think of to prevent the reattachment of that certificate to some OTHER document which would be frauduluent.

==============================

(19) Additional visits
You might be asked to make an additional visit to a borrower. Make sure that the company who hires you has a good payment record. You are much LESS likely to get paid for a second visit than you are for a regular signing as it might not be in the company’s budget. Be careful. On the other hand, companies will be very unlikely to use you in the future if you don’t make 2nd visits upon request — so also be careful.

=========================

(20) The 48 hour rule
Notaries need to be available by email and phone within 48 hours after the signing. If the signing company or lender needs to talk to you, and they can’t reach you, they will write a complaint on your listing on 123notary and that will stay there permanently. They might need you to go back to the borrowers, or they might need to clarify something with you.

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January 6, 2011

Alice in Notary Wonderland

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:41 am

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Alice C Butterfield. Little Alice loved to wander around her rich Aunt’s palacial estate. But, she had a habit of sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. Alice would always criticize people for doing the wrong thing. Her aunt didn’t signal a turn once. Alice could not keep her mouth shut and pointed it out. Her uncle Fred inflated a deduction on his taxes which Alice pointed out. How could a nine year old girl know so much about taxes. I guess curiousity knows no bounds.

Alice was sitting near the river with her sister reading a dull book with no pictures. Then, she noticed a rabbit wearing a top coat. She follows the rabbit down a hole, and then falls a very long way down. When she hits bottom she is in a room with many locked doors. But, there is a small bottle on the table with a small note saying, “drink me.” She drinks the contents of the bottle and then shrinks to a very small size.

Then, she saw a small document sitting on the table that she didn’t notice before that says, “notarize me.” Next to the document, there was a small stamp as well. Since Alice was a bookworm, she was well acquainted with the responsibilities of a Notary Public. She knew that a signer would have to appear before her that would produce identification. But, around there, the signer might be an animal wearing human clothing. So, Alice waited and waited, hoping for her signer to come by. After what seemed like a very long time there was a knock on the door. But, which door. There were dozens of doors, each one a different size. There were doors on the ceiling, doors on the floors, walls, and everywhere you looked. There were even doors within doors within doors. Then she heard a voice. “Over here!”

Alice opened a little door and a little mouse with a walking stick appeared. “I’ve been trying to get notarized for years, but can never find a Notary my size. Then, I heard that someone shrunk you and that you could do the job. Can you Notarize me?” Alice replied, “But, I’m not commissioned in the United Kingdom.” Then the mouse explained that in their jurisdiction, any human could execute Notary functions providing they checked ID. So, Alice checked the mouse’s ID and it read, Edgar J Mouse. Alice Notarized him. Then Alice asked, “How will you pay me for my services?” The mouse replied, “Here, I brought you some cheese I stole from a mousetrap.”

Alice ate the cheese. And then she started growing and growing and growing until her head hit the ceiling. “Curiouser and curiouser”, exclaimed Alice. Then, Alice swam down a river of her own tears. She was so sad that she shrank and then grew and didn’t know where she was. So, she swam until she found that little mouse giving a lecture on William the Conqueror.

Alice met a caterpillar who said, “Explain yourself.” Alice said that she couldn’t explain herself because she wasn’t herself. Then the caterpillar said, “Well, what self does your ID say you are? Alice replied, “Alice Butterfield, but I’m really Alice C Butterfield.” Then the caterpillar said, “If you were really Alice C Butterfield, then your ID would reflect that name. It’s time to make a visit to the DMV not isn’t it?”

Alice wandered on until she saw a Cheshire cat that directed her to March Hare’s house. Alice continued on her aimless journey until she became the guest at a mad tea party along with the Hare.

MARCH HARE: Notarize this signature

ALICE: But, this is a blank document with you signature. It wasn’t very civil of you to ask me to notarize something that doesn’t even exist!

MARCH HARE: Well, it wasn’t very civil of you to invite yourself to our tea party at our table.

ALICE: I didn’t know it was your table.

MARCH HARE: Do you say what you mean?

ALICE: Well, I mean what I say.

MARCH HARE: Well then notarize my signature for today’s date. Does your watch have the date?

ALICE: Well no.

MARCH HARE: How about the year?

ALICE: Well the year doesn’t change too quickly so it doesn’t need to tell the year.

MARCH HARE: I think the year just changed. There it goes again. Notarize me for 1899.

ALICE: Why 1899?

MARCH HARE: Why not? Every year is the same around here. Why should it make a difference. That’s why we don’t hurry. Time doesn’t matter.

ALICE: But, time does matter. You have to beat time.

MARCH HARE: Time might not take to kindly if you beat it, but hurry up before it turns 1901. I want to be notarized this century.

ALICE: How can the year change multiple times within the time-frame of one afternoon?

Then Alice found a tree with a door in it. She went through the door and into a long hall. She ended up at a palace run by a very angry queen.

QUEEN: Who are you?

ALICE: I am Alice.

QUEEN: What I mean is what does it say on your commission?

ALICE: Alice C Butterfield, but my ID only says Alice Butterfield.

QUEEN: Nonsense! And when is our commission expiration date?

ALICE: 1897, but now it is 1901.

QUEEN: Actually it was 1901 a few hours ago, now it is 1905. It will continue being 1905 until sunset and then tomorrow morning it will be 1896 which will give you a few days to complete any necessary notarizations.

ALICE: But, I thought time always moved forwards.

QUEEN: Why should it. Do you always move forwards?

ALICE: Hmm, I never thought about it like that.

QUEEN: Well I don’t like your middle name. Off with your middle initial.

KING: But, she is just a child.

QUEEN: I hate C’s. They are so mediocre. And off with their heads — of the gardeners. They fowled up my rose bush. It took years to grow it and then it shrank. Hmm. Perhaps because time moved backwards. Here is my signature. Study it intently, and then notarize it.

CAT: So, how do you like the queen’s signature

ALICE: Well actually, not at all. It’s extremely (noticing that the queen was right behind her) — likely to win.

EXECUTIONER: I can’t cut off a head unless it has a body attached to it.

ALICE: And what if you cut off the wrong head? Shouldn’t you check the ID?

QUEEN: The ID of the head or the ID of the body?

CAT: Is there more than one? (grinning)

ALICE: And what if the ID expired, after all it must be 1910 by now and the DMV has ID’s expire after only four years in England these days.

QUEEN: Yes, but if the ID shows a physical likeness, then it should be okay.

ALICE: To make sure the ID isn’t fake, you could ask them what their date of birth is and then confirm the date with teh ID.

QUEEN: You are a crafty one aren’t you.

ALICE: Besides, beheading someone is so extreme. Why not just cut off part of their name, initial, or a Jr. or Sr. at the end of their name. That will teach them a lesson.

QUEEN: Yes, I rather like that. John W. Smith will have to live the rest of his life being John Smith. I like this. That is much more fun than beheading someone. Off with their initials!

ALICE: But, you shouldn’t remove an initial without a porpoise.

QUEEN: Well we shall have that decided in court.

(in court)

RABBIT: I submit my evidence that the gardner did not submit evidence that he ruined the rose bushes. Someone wrote a statement about the rose bushes, but it wasn’t signed.

ALICE: Yes, if it wasn’t signed, then how will we know who wrote it.

QUEEN: Well, as long as my roses are ruined, what difference does it make?

CHESHIRE CAT: Perhaps we should do a handwriting analysis.

KNAVE: We could go back into time and have him sign it. Time is supposed to roll back tonight.

ALICE: But, there’s no meaning in this.

KING: So, if there is no meaning, then why look for a meaning?

(later that night)

ALICE: If you sign this document, they will know you ruined the rose bushes

GARDENER: Yes, but now that time has rolled back, I can change my statement and then sign it.

ALICE: That is a good idea. And it will be 1897 after midnight, so my commission will be in effect then.

GARDENER: Here is my statement and my signature. Please notarize it.

ALICE: Gladly. But, the stamp I am using is one I used when I was two inches tall.

GARDENER: That’s no problem. I’ll just make my signature extra small to match. Here.

ALICE: I’ll deliver this to the queen in the morning.

QUEEN: Yes, the statement is excellent. He did not ruin my roses, or so he claims. But, that poses a new problem. Who shall I behead?

SISTER: Wake up Alice

ALICE: Oh, I have had such a curious dream. There was this mad queen who went around beheading people and a cat, and a lizard, plus a March Hare. But, none of it was real.

SISTER: What is that in your pocket? It seems to be leaking a black fluid…

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January 24, 2022

Notary Happy Days Goes to China!

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 10:29 pm

This was originally published many years ago.

Intro Joke:
A New Yorker was in the middle of downtown Shanghai with his wife and
kid. They walk into a restaurant where everybody in sight is Chinese
and nobody speaks a word of English.

The wife asks, “Where’s the bathroom?”
His kid asks, “Do you have egg rolls?”
And the guy asks, “Is the food authentic?”

I grew up watching Happy Days. I loved Richie, Potsie, Chachi, and
the gang. But, a Notary recently had to fly to Shanghai to do a
notarization for the Chinese version of Happy Days called “Yu-Kuai
Tian” which loosely translated means cheerful or happy day(s).

A Notary was called in to do a notarization for the staff of Yu-Kuai
Tian. He thought the notarization would be for a screenplay or a
writer’s contract. Boy, was he wrong.

NOTARY: Hi, I’m here for the notarization.

MANAGER: Solly no Yingrish! You wait!

ASSISTANT: Oh yes, we have been expecting you.

NOTARY: So, who am I signing for? One of the managers or the writers?

ASSISTANT: Oh, they didn’t tell you? You’re signing for the Chinese
Henry Winkler — “The Fong.” He’s late today because he was out last
night with one of his lady friends. One of his classier girlfiends who
doesn’t slurp when she eats her shark fin delight of three soup.

NOTARY: Sounds like an Ayy! One gal.

ASSISTANT: He’s out in back finishing repairing the transmission in a
rickshaw. He won’t be ready for you until 3pm. You can try one of our local restaurants.
They are quite good.

NOTARY: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll try the one with the green
sign. I’ll just hope for the best.

ASSISTANT: But, before you go, please meet Mr. Yu and his guys. We
call them Yu’s guys!

NOTARY: Okay, how Yu’s guys doin’? This is how we talk in New York by the way.

(At the restaurant with the green sign. All of the staff are Chinese
and speak almost no English and all of the customers without exception
are Chinese as it is in downtown Shanghai.)

WAITER: Hello, I your waiter. My name Cha-Chee Wang.

NOTARY: You’re kidding. Cha-chee, like in Yu-Kuai Tian?

WAITER: Yes, I work there on my off day as wing man for The Fong. With my husband, Jo-Nee.
Jo-Nee love Cha-Chee.

NOTARY: I don’t care what I eat, but there is one thing that matters to me.

WAITER: You like dish called Potsie Sticker. It kind of dumpling.

NOTARY: Well, what I wanted to know is — is the food authentic?

WAITER: Yeah, food authentic all right. Half hour after you eat, you hungry to breathe
Oxygen. We in China after all. No Americanized food here. We don’t even know what that mean.
But, today long day. Potsie also work here. He having worst day in life. He so
out of it, it take him half hour to make “minute fried rice.”

NOTARY: Well maybe you should have Joannie come and help him.

WAITER: We try, but Joannie Chan busy. Anyway, one order of Potsie
Sticker coming up. By the way, last week was Chinese New Year – year
of the monkey, but sorry, we not serve monkey here. Try down street.
Delicacy — very expensive.

NOTARY: Thanks, but when I said authentic, maybe I had no idea what I
was getting myself into.

(30 minutes later)

NOTARY: Thanks for the great meal. Let me give you 40 ren-min-bi,
that should cover it. Back to the set.

THE FONG: Heyyyyyy!!!!! (with two sexy Chinese girls: one on each
side of him in cheerleader outfits.)

NOTARY: Wow, I get to meet the Chinese Fonzie in the flesh.

THE FONG: No, don’t touch the leather. Just got it restored at Wing’s
leather repair down street. And don’t touch the hair either.

NOTARY: Okay, I promise not to.

GIRLS: We promise not to either! hee-hee-hee…

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!!! (puts two thumbs up.)

NOTARY: Good thing we’re not doing thumbprints.

THE FONG: If we did, you not need ink, plenty of grease already on
thumbs from mechanic work not to mention coconut oil on hair for good
look.

NOTARY: Okay, I’ll need to see some ID.

THE FONG: Okay, legal name Fong Xiao-Leng, similar to Bruce Lee’s
Chinese name. But, people call me The Fong!

NOTARY: In real life I am not allowed to notarize outside of the State
of New Jersey where I am legally commissioned as a Notary Public, but
since this is a fictional comedy blog, I will take some liberties and
illegally use my stamp here in Shanghai.

THE FONG: Okay, so where do The Fong sign?

NOTARY: Right here

(The Fong signs in the wrong place and Notary scolds him)

NOTARY: No not there. You signed in the wrong place!

THE FONG: Wait second. You say The Fong… w-w-w-w-wong? The Fong NEVER wong!!!

NOTARY: Yeah, you were supposed to sign right here, and you signed
down there where the signature of the Notary is supposed to be.

THE FONG: Nobody say The Fong w-w-w-w-w-rong…. Not even The Fong’s mother.

NOTARY: Just admit it… You were wrong.

THE FONG: I can’t say it. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-… I just can’t.

NOTARY: Try one more time. Never mind. We’ll sign this fresh duplicate
I brought. Be more careful this time.

THE FONG: Okay. (scribbles The Fong on document)

NOTARY: No, that’s wrong. Your legal name is Fong Xiao-Leng, not The
Fong. The Fong is your nickname. You can’t legally be notarized using
that name.

THE FONG: Hey, this is blog entry. I do what I want. But, you say I
w-w-w-w-wrong again? We take this outside! NOBODY say The Fong wrong.

(The Fong grabs the Notary and takes him outside behind the garage)

THE FONG: You want on chin? Hurt more — show less. Or on gut? Hurt
more, nobody see.

NOTARY: What are you talking about?

THE FONG: You say The Fong wrong. Nobody say The Fong wrong and live
to tell about it. I punch you hard. You choose place.

NOTARY: Go for the gut. My dumplings weren’t that good anyway. I
think I prefer Americanized Chinese food come to think of it. But, I
have one condition. You can only punch me if you admit that you were
wrong.

THE FONG: Deal… (punch)

NOTARY: Oh my God… What are you, a Shao-Lin monk? That really hurt.
Ouch. I’ll spend the rest of the day bent over. Now it’s your turn.
You have to keep your end of the bargain and admit that you were
wrong. Fair is fair.

THE FONG: Okay. I keep bargain. I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w….

NOTARY: Yes, this is a Deed for the sale of one of the rick-shaws you repaired.

THE FONG: Do you notarize auto-sale paperwork?

NOTARY: I notarize any documents about anything that starts with a key
and goes vroom vroom!

THE FONG: Eyyyy!!!! That sound like something The Fong would say.
Anyway… I was w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w.

NOTARY: You can do it. Good thing I ate lightly.

THE FONG: I was wr-r-r-r-r… It so hard. I was w-w-w-w…. WONG! I was wong!

GIRLS: I can’t believe he said it. The Fong was wrong!

NOTARY: Okay, now sign this 3rd copy I made as Fong Xiao-Leng and
we’ll be all done and I’ll take the next flight back to America.

.

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January 23, 2022

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Drama & Tragedy,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:03 am

This was originally published many years ago.

An uneventful signing
It was a gray Monday afternoon in the first week of November. Kary went to her signing with the Thompsons. They signed the documents without too much reading or complaining. Kary had one other signing after that. When all was done, she made her way to the Fedex drop box. She had a habit of always going to that same drop box. It was near her home, and it felt like a safe place to go at night, being a single woman.

Luckily for her she was nowhere near the San Diego mayor’s office.

The Sopranos were en route to the same location she was
This poor woman’s luck — she ran into someone who was still mourning the loss of the great James Gandolfini AKA Tony Soprano. He was such a fan of the show that he decided to pull a mafioso type move on this poor unexpecting woman. This thug Tony Baritone had been in the drug trade for years, but wanted to step it up a notch. His old M.O. was meeting for the swap in a dark alley, giving them the briefcase, taking the package — you know the drill. But, he wanted to do it more like they do in the movies this time. This was his first attempt at simulating the panache of his television alter-ego.

Just about to drop the FedEx and…
So, this woman was just about to drop her package in the box. Her finger was on the handle of the box. She noticed a large garbage backing up about 50 feet away. She disregarded the truck whose distinctive oder was wafting her way. She put the Fedex in the Fedex drop box, and then proceded back to her car. The garbage truck nearly ran her car off the road as she left her parking space. It was so abrupt, she stopped the car to get out and see what this maniac’s problem was.

The garbage truck backed up
The truck had backed up almost into the Fedex box, and had jaws that clamped the Fedex drop box and tore it from its bearings and lifted it into the truck. The woman started screaming, “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

Blonde #2 appears
Then another blonde lady appeared out of nowhere who looked almost exactly like the notary. She was the same age, same hair color, and same height, and also had a Fedex package that she wanted to drop. The other lady looked very puzzled. She said to herself, “Wait a second, my instructions were to put the Fedex in the drop box and leave — but, that truck just took the Fedex drop box away!” Blonde #2 (also an unnatural blonde) was unbeknowingly carrying $10,000,000 in drug money that she was to deposit in the Fedex box — which was to be removed by the garbage truck. But, their plan got foiled.

We have to get rid of the witness
The driver said to his friend, “We have two problems — the money is not in the Fedex Box, AND, there’s a witness. We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell them apart.”
His friend said,“You have to look for the roots, real blondes have roots — our blond is a real blonde!”
Driver: “No she ain’t, I’ve seen the broad before, she has a different hairstyle every several months”
Friend: “So, you can tell the two chicks apart!”
Driver: “Not from this distance without my glasses. Let’s get my money first. The broad with the package has the money.”

The mafia chases the blonde
So, the driver and his friend jump out of the truck (which is parked in the middle of the boulevard) and run towards the blonde with the Fedex. The irony is that she doesn’t know that they are the intended recipients of the package because her instructions were only to “Put the Fedex in the drop box”. So, she runs away from these scary people — who are actually her boyfriend’s best friends, and the ones who gave the $10,000 to her boyfriend to pay her to do the drop. Meanwhile the notary lady decides to chase after these scumbags to get them to give her package back.

She loses them and then finds them
In the heat of the chase, she loses them, and then finds them again. The other blonde escapes from these thugs, finds the drop box in the back of the garbage truck, puts it in, and runs away. Meanwhile, notary lady catches up to the thugs, and throws her embosser at them — leaving a raised seal of disapproval (in the form of a bruise) on the now unconscious mafia garbage truck driver’s left temple. The irony of the story is that the character with the concealed weapon is not one the mafia characters, but is the notary who was carrying a stainless steel embosser.

The Notary recovers the loan docs
After that, the driver’s friend ran away and the notary proceeded to the unattended garbage truck to pick up her package. She picked up the highest package in the box in such a hurry, she didn’t realize that she had picked up $10,000,000 in dirty drug money. She gets in her car and drives off with her “loan docs” finally in her possession again. She calls the signing company and lets them know about the problem. Then, she proceeds to her nearest staffed Fedex station — where there won’t be any garbage trucks (let’s hope). She pats the package in glee to have gotten it back after a small altercation. But, she notices a distinct bulge in the package that didn’t feel like loan documents.

But, what she had was not really the loan docs after all
The five seconds after she realized that her loan documents were not in her possession, she saw a large garbage truck driving down the street.

Mental note to self: “Take out the garbage”

Tweets:
(1) A notary bumps into Toni Baratone at a FedEx drop box
(2) The garbage truck tore the FedEx drop box from its bearings and took it away!
(3) “We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell the 2 blondes apart”
(4) The Notary takes $10 million in drug money to the Title company by accident.

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The Flo-tary and the name your price tool
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Don’t put the FedEx in the drop box
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More on Snapdocs, the Uber of the Notary industry
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My interpretation of how the Notary industry went South
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16500

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January 16, 2022

Quiz: You know you’re a good Notary when you…

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 9:54 am

What type of Notary are you? A good one or a bad one? I’m not sure who created the questions for, “You know you’re a redneck if you…”
So, I’ll create my own version of this satirical banter, and come up with my own version for Notaries that will have some technical merit.

You know you’re a bad Notary when you…

(1) Do you fail to call the borrower to confirm the appointment that signing company set, and just show up?
If you don’t call and make sure that all parties involved (watch out for spousal signatures) will be there and on time, with a current ID with matching names — you might be in for some wasted time. If you don’t get the documents signed, you might not get paid. You might waste two hours for nothing because you don’t think you “need” to call the borrowers, or because you were asked not to. It is your appointment and your responsibility!

(2) Do you send loose certificates in the mail?
Lenders and Title companies are notorious for asking notaries to break the law and send loose certiifcates. In some states it is a Misdemeanor if you ask a Notary to do something illegal. Report all illegal requests to your State Notary Division immediately. No second chances!

(3) Do you fail to get certified by all agencies that you purchase “effective” advertising from? Or do you say, I don’t “need” your certification because I’m already “certified” without even disclosing the name of the organization who certified you? There is no such thing as just being “certified” as notary certification is not regulated by any government.

(4) Do you say, “I have my Notary” when you really mean you have your Notary Commission?

(5) Do you fail to use a Notary Journal or Seal simply because your state doesn’t require it? What happens if an investigator asks about a potentially fraudulent transaction you were involved in and you have no evidence for the court? The court case might be really long and you might get in really big trouble.

(6) Do you fail to keep thumbprints of signers in your journal because your state doesn’t require it?
Guess what? You might end up in court if you don’t take thumbprints, especially on transactions affecting high dollar figures such as properties.

(7) Do you fail to administer Oaths to credible witnesses or for Jurats because you are not well enough trained to know how, or even to know that you are required? Or, perhaps you don’t even know what a credible witness even is. Better look this up in your state Notary handbook.

You know you’re a good Notary when…

(1) The hair on your neck stand up straight when you see someone try to sign with a middle initial that doesn’t exist on their identification.

(2) You use an inked seal and an embosser with a raised non-inked seal to make it detectable if pages are swapped or photocopied.

(3) You take copious notes in your journal about the signers, what went on in the signing, and the building / neighborhood where the signing took place to job your memory should you ever be summoned into court.

(4) You sell your car, and buy a few top spots on 123notary.com!

There are many other technical points and best practices that we could address, but for this hopefully entertaining blog entry — that’s all folks!

.

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http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

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December 31, 2021

The future of Notary work

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 8:03 am

The way the world looks, the way things are going, it looks very bleak, but not for notarizing those who are owing (borrowers).

I looked into my crystal ball, and it was revealed to me. And no, I didn’t get the cheap kind at crystal balls for less. I saw a world of chaos, turmoil, crime, strife. Perhaps inflation would go way up, and interest rates too. People would be dying in mass from the long term side effects of the vaccine that was supposed to keep us “safe”. Where is your safety now Fred said looking down at his demised wife Sylvia lying in her grave three years after taking one of the vaccines. Did the FDA approve it? Was it tested in the long run? No, because there was no time. We had to administer it to as many young and middle aged people as possible who had a one in ten thousand or less chance of dying from Covid, and that was to keep them “safe.” They were more in danger of dying from being struck by lightning or being molested by a variety of politicians in NY or NJ whose names we won’t mention. But, I digress.

Then, it seems that God is upset with the world and upset with America. He has retracted his blessings. But, what does that mean for the Notaries of America? Is that good or bad for us they ask? Here is my thought.

Between disasters, war, vaccine related deaths, and economic chaos, there will be more people buying and selling properties. Notaries these days do lots of “buyers” and “sellers.” Foreclosures often require a notary too. Refinancing tends to be higher when interest rates are low, but in this crazy reality we are entering, people might get refinances if interest rates go up in anticipation that they would go up much more.

I don’t know exactly what the future holds for us other than WW3, Armageddon, The Messiah, and hopefully a store near me that sells powdered Mexican style pequin pepper (goes great in stir fries). But, I see that Notary work will be busy probably for the next ten years or more.

I believe that the angels got me into this business partly because they knew it suited me. And partly because in 2000 when they got me into this, they saw the shutdowns and quarantines coming and wanted me to have a job I could do from home so I would be economically stable. Well, I am feeling very fortunate and grateful for the good graces of these higher beings who saved my rear that time and many other times.

My only advice to you Notaries out there is:
Get more reviews
Get a catchy business name and register it.
Become an expert at writing a compelling notes section
Stay close (or closer) to God, so when he destroys the planet he’ll consider saving you as an individual even if he sacks your community (no joke).
And try the Thai green curry on Wilshire — it’s really excellent; just the right amount of spice.

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December 28, 2021

Special memories of my life

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:41 am

Sometimes we get caught up in work and forget to smell the roses. But, I take time off and smell plenty of cactuses and pine trees and ocean breezes depending on where I go. Refreshing the soul and body is so important. But, what are the most memorable moments in my life.

1. My moments talking to my psychic Walter about dreams, managing my business, and spiritual topics mean a lot. I will think about this on my deathbed — assuming that I ever die.

2. Driving through Hungary in 2006 was a bit disorienting, but the scenery kept changing and I felt like I passed through eight national zones while in Hungary. It went from a Gypsy area that felt like Latin America (and the people looked Mexican too), to an area with Central Asian looking architecture to a communist looking area with Russian style buildings. Then it looked more Hungarian, and then I felt like I was in Thailand due to the triangular window casings. Finally, my last stop was near Austria and it looked German. What a bizarre day driving through Hungary. They kept speaking German to me. I guess they thought I was German. How odd.

3. Seeing my spiritual master in San Jose in 1998 was an experience like no other. I stood in line to meet him with twenty others. He patted me on the shoulder as a sort of spiritual blessing. But, I felt high as a kite for half an hour after that. I had some bizarre meditations that night where I felt an out of body experience as well. He was a very powerful guru.

4. Visiting Sedona, AZ in 2001 for the first time was like being in a movie. I kept saying — “I can’t believe we’re here” over and over and over. I was expecting to see the Marlboro man come out from behind a corner at any minute. The red rock scenery was fantastic and so was the buffalo burger and the hiking. Later in that trip we saw Dead Horse Canyon in Utah and we (my housemate and I) were cracking jokes and doing impressions of all the people who might make commentary on this scenic spot mimicking different accents, etc.

5. The other night I had a wonderful dream about my dream girl who I have never met. I was sitting in the back seat of a car, and she sat right down right in my lap. When will I meet this person? I felt so happy having this dream. I have had several dreams about this mystery lady — all in scenic places.

6. Seeing Mrs. Meao on the heater was truly special. She spent a lot of time in my room helping me do my work. I call it emotional support. I would always ask how she was feeling and she would normally stare into space, but sometimes she would tell me in cat language. She died in 2008 but comes several times a month in dreams. When she was dying I made her promise to come to me in dreams regularly, and she has. She keeps reincarnating into different cat bodies, and then dying within several years. I think she has had about five lives since she was our cat where she lived 14 human years — not sure how many cat years that is.

7. After Carmen died, I contacted her spirit a few times. It is hard for me to talk to spirits, but Carmen is up in heaven and is her usual self. Same personality — just without the body. She warned me that we are going to have a huge war involving Iran. I guess that is what they talk about up in heaven. I know it is coming because the Christians and Jews are both predicting this to happen soon. I just hope American doesn’t shut down because of this war. We’ll see.

8. When I was 16 I had my own landscaping business. Nothing fancy. But, I had to drag my lawnmowers all over the neighborhood and sometimes to other neighborhoods which was very time consuming. I pushed it all the way up steep hills. I was very motivated in those days. I saved my money and borrowed $4800 from my date and bought a Toyota pick up truck for $6219. I think that was the exact price. I got a quarter of a million miles out of that truck and did well with my lawn mowing business. I used that truck to give lots of friends rides as well and they were very appreciative. Without that truck it would have been almost impossible to have a social life in subsequent years. The people I knew and women I dated would not have been able to spend time with me had I not had a truck. Thank God for my work ethic.

9. When I was 17, I played a final recital on the cello at the Longy School of Music where I studied music on Saturdays. I practiced a lot. I don’t remember how I did. I played a Bach Suite, a concerto with chamber orchestra and a sonata with piano. It is all a fuzzy memory, but it was a big achievement in my life.

10. I played in two orchestras with my father. These were only ones that met a few times. But, I remember playing the Messiah. We also played the cello part for a Bach harpsichord concerto. My father and I both played the cello. He was better than I was, but I was good enough to play in seven orchestras.

11. In my distant and more early childhood, I remember Quaker Meeting. But, Quakers sit still — they don’t quake at all — maybe they need a new name. It was a nice 1700’s style building in a quaint and comfortable part of Cambridge, MA. I liked going there. I don’t remember what we learned in Sunday school other than that war was bad — but that the Army provided good work opportunities to people. So, which one is it? Is war good or bad? If you join the Army for work, you aren’t going to make paper mache, you are going to go to war dummy! We had Christmas pageants where I sang and played cello. I always remember this song — If you have a penny and you give it away, you’ll end up having more. I really don’t remember many specifics, but it was a nice place to be and our family life was a lot less turbulent when we made a weekly presence at this spiritual venue.

12. Elementary school is a very distant memory. My favorite class was gym with Mr. Arch. They really made it interesting and I did well (even though I was timid) until about age 12. I remember Clyde the bus driver. He was a guy in his early 60’s. I remember Sandy, Scott, Michael & Jay, and others. Michael invited me to their summer home on the beach and I got sucked under water by the undertow. That was scary. But it is a memory — and that is what I am writing about.

13. I think when I was seven, my father took me hiking to Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire. We have many photos of that trip. It is a large mountain with a very rocky top and several routes to the top starting from different sides of the mountain. We would always get Birch Beer on the way there. I don’t think I’ve had it since.

14. We had many Thanksgiving meals with friends and neighbors. One year we invited two guys from MIT who were very cerebral and had nowhere else to go. They liked to play music, so they played sonatas with my mom who was a professional pianist. Another year we met some distant relatives from Jordan — Walid, Nabeel, Faeeda, and Mary. They were very lively, had amazing stories, and were a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder how they are doing.

15. When I was really little, my mom would drive me to Nanna and Pa’s house in Watertown, MA. They would babysit me and we would watch TV. I don’t remember much. I think I was afraid of the ebony door to the upstairs neighbor’s apartment. It was very ominous looking.

16. Starting 123notary was a memory. I was living like a pauper in Monterey Park, CA. I was working at signings and building my site up. What a lot of hard work, but it paid off and it was my passion! When they say stick to what you love, believe that. Because if you don’t love what you do, you won’t give it your 110% and stick to it year after year. I have many memories of building 123notary — too many to count — some of them traumatizing, some were glorious achievements.

17. More recently…

I meditated in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico and saw red lights in my meditation. It was very deep and meaningful. Then I went to a forest near Santa Fe, NM and saw greenish blue light which was coming from Lord Ganesh. I had never had this experience before. My guru said the red light was coming from a portal to other planets. Wow! It was an extraterrestrial contact, but on a spiritual level — so I didn’t get to meet ET. Maybe next time. On one occasion on the border of AZ and NM in Navajo, NM I felt the vibe of a forcefield that was created by extraterrestrials, but I didn’t see anything. One week before this experience, I had a dream that I saw a UFO hovering behind some tall buildings in Los Angeles. I guess the dream manifested itself, but not in a way that was as much fun as I was expecting.

On a brighter note — I have met many mystical people in New Mexico, especially when I go to native areas. They are such peaceful people. Several people I saw at gas stations who I didn’t even have the pleasure of talking to left a lasting impression on me. I guess they must have been deeply spiritual beings, whomever they were.

18. I’m trying to think of noteworthy things that happened here around Los Angeles, but nothing comes to mind. It is just business as usual and not much good or bad happens around here other than the shut down. Eating on the trunk of my car with my housemate at one of my favorite South Indian restaurants was a shutdown memory. It was like a shutdown style date. Thanking God for lamb chops was another memory during the shutdown. At least I could still eat well even though I was miserable. Going to comedy clubs once in a while and to Moroccan group dinners definitely is memorable, but we do this so infrequently. I think I should have fun more.

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