STEVE: I have a surprise for you. Do you know why we invited you here today?
CAROL: I have no idea, honestly no idea.
STEVE: Well, I’ll give you a hint. Have you ever had anything notarized?
CAROL: No, I can’t think of anything that I’ve ever had notarized.
STEVE: Well think harder. Think fifteen years ago.
CAROL: Hmmm. I’m coming up with a blank.
STEVE: Well, you might not remember this notary, but he remembers you. And he has something of yours that you gave him when he last saw you back in 1994.
CAROL: 1994?
STEVE: Here he is!
CAROL: Oh my god, Oh my god! Randy. I remember you, but forgot that you were a Notary. And that’s the necklace I gave you. I remember it all now!
STEVE: Well, brace yourself. You better sit down. Because Randy has something that he wants to ask you!
CAROL: Oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening. Yes Randy. What did you want to ask me.
RANDY: Carol, I met you almost twenty years ago, and I have never forgotten you. You have been on my mind ever since. I realized that when we talked, back in 1994 the conversation was so meaningful. But, there’s one thing that has been on my mind that I have been needing to ask you ever since.
CAROL: One thing? Sure, ask anything you want. I just am not prepared for what you might ask.
RANDY: Carol… will you…ummm… how can I put this. Remember the notarization I did for you back in 1994. My journal said that it was for an Affidavit of Occupancy.
CAROL. Oh yeah, now I remember. That was to lock in a particular interest rate on that house.
RANDY: Well, we got so wrapped up in conversation that I forgot to ask you one thing. Carol, will you… um… will you complete the Oath that I forgot to ask you for that Affidavit of Occupancy? I kept a copy of that document all these years with the necklace you gave me.
CAROL: Oh my god, you still have that?
RANDY: Please raise your right hand. Do you solemnly swear that the information in this Affidavit of Occupancy are true and correct and that you agree to the conditions in the document?
CAROL: I do.
RANDY: I’m so relieved. Because, in my notary career, I never violated notary law, not even once. But, I realized that failing to administer an Oath for a Jurat on an Affidavit is grounds for suspension, termination, or revocation of your notary license. I’m so glad that I administered that Oath, and got it out of my system.
CAROL: You came all the way to have me on TV, just for that?
RANDY: Oh, and one more thing.
CAROL: Yes?
RANDY: Carol…. will you marry me?
CAROL: Oh my god! Yes I will, well, at least we can start dating. But, on one condition.
STEVE: The sister has conditions? I gotta hear this!
RANDY: Sure, that’s fine
CAROL: I will need a notary statement stating that you want to date me and that you will take me out for penne arrabiata at Carmino’s Italian Restaurant.
RANDY: That’s a little odd. Would you like the notarization to be a Jurat, Acknowledged signature, Protest, or an Oath.
CAROL: I’d prefer a Jurat with an accompanying Oath. And yes, I’ll keep a copy of that document to show you in 2034!
STEVE: This is amazing. I’ve never seen anything like this in my career. Just one question for Randy.
RANDY: Ask away!
STEVE: Randy, I’ve never been notarized, ever. I just want to know what it is like being notarized, just to get it out of my system. Can you notarize me?
RANDY: On camera? The camera adds 10 pounds to any signature you know.
STEVE: That’s okay. So, what’s the first step.
RANDY: I’ll need to see some ID sir!
STEVE: What, you don’t know me? I’m Steve Harvey — I’m famous. You don’t need to ID ME!
RANDY: Well, actually it is a legal requirement here.
STEVE: Oh allright. I was just playing with you. Here’s my ID. Which one you want. I got five of them.
RANDY: Your driver’s license will work.
STEVE: Allright, now what do I gotta do. Do you want me to sign something?
RANDY: If you don’t have a document, you could have something typed up.
STEVE: Well what do you want it to say?
RANDY: It can say anything you want just as long as you sign it.
STEVE: Hmmm, I’m gonna have to think about that. (he looks to the left, looks up, and looks around) I thought about it and I know what I want to say now.
RANDY: What is it?
STEVE: I wanna say, I’m Steve Harvey, and I’m smooth like butter.
RANDY: We can do that. Just sign the journal here. (staff hands him the typed up paper) Sign the document here. I’ll attach an Acknowledgment certificate, stamp it… we’re done!
STEVE: That’s it? That was easy. I didn’t feel a thing.
RANDY: It’s a fairly standard act.
STEVE: Well, I want to wish you and Carol the best of luck on your first date. In fact, we are going to pay the first $200 of your date’s expenses for dinner for two at Maggiano’s in Los Angeles. That is the fanciest, most amazing Italian restaurant anywhere in California. I love that place! Then, get this — are you ready? You can have another $200 for your next date and a gift certificate for two to see a 3d movie or movie of your choice at IMAX in Universal Studios.
CAROL: Wow Steve. This is the best day of my life. I never expected any of this.
RANDY: Thanks Steve. I don’t know how to thank you.
STEVE: Well, you can thank me with a notarized statement if you really want to know how to get to the bottom of my heart!
.
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