You searched for notary seal - Page 14 of 28 - Notary Blog - Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice - 123notary.com
123Notary

Notary Blog – Signing Tips, Marketing Tips, General Notary Advice – 123notary.com Control Panel

January 27, 2011

Notary Space Station; In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Sign!

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 12:38 am

Some Notaries were sent into space for an experiment. They were there to see what the realities are of notarizing in space. Sam tossed his Notary seal in the air, and it floated to the other side of the shuttle. Samantha wanted him to get that Notary seal “down”, but which way was down? Eventually Sam recovered his instrument of destruction, but Samantha wasn’t amused. They were waiting for a replacement part for a high tech to be sent from Earth along with some other goodies. A TEA agent was to be sent in the ship to assure that delivery was successful.

Sam, Samantha and the others were practicing using all types of futuristic Notary seals. Of course to them it was not futuristic as they were living in 2040. Sam was happy that he could live a year in 365 days 23 hours and 57 minutes because they were traveling faster than the speed of the Earth up there do the warp in the time-space continuum. Not only was space warped, but Sam’s choice of humor was also a bit warped.

The most evolved machine could move itself over an ID, scan it for genuineness, inspect journal signatures, and then seal the document with hi-tech ink. But, they needed a replacement part that was coming tomorrow.

Then, the shuttle came. It approached the space station, it slowly adjusted itself. It docked successfully. They opened the connecting hatch happily in hopes of seeing Jim the TEA agent. But, Jim’s body was laying there in pieces with blood all over it. And creatures from the movie Alien were there — three of them. Mom, Dad, and a little one who was munching on Jim’s flesh. Then, there was a loud scream.

Samantha tapped Sam on the shoulder and said, “You were just having a bad dream. Was it a dream about a Notarization?”
Then Sam said, “No, it was a dream about the creature from Alien getting off that shuttle and killing us all.
Samantha said, “Well you know what they say — in space, no one can hear you sign! — or scream…”

.

You might also like:

A Notary sees a UFO
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19929

Notary Airport
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17062

Signing with a former airline captain
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=12870

Share
>

January 25, 2011

Notary Hyatt Regency

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 7:16 am

Have you heard of the Notary Hotel or Notary Motel? If you have been working for high paying title companies, you can now afford the Notary Hyatt, but the breakfast isn’t included unless you have a special arrangement.

CHECK IN

NOTARY: Hi, I’m here to check in. I have a reservation for tonight.

CLERK: Ah yes, Mr. Public We’ve been awaiting your arrival.

NOTARY: Do I sign your journal based on the date I made the reservation or the date I check in?

CLERK: The date you check in — of course. Sign right here. And I will need a thumbprint.

NOTARY: Well I’m all thumbs — and besides, I’m too nice to give you the finger. Is it one journal entry per person per room, or one entry per person regardless of how many rooms?

CLERK: Just one journal entry, unless it is a corporate sale.

NOTARY: Do I get one key or two? And how about a pool wristband?

CLERK: The wristband has your inmate number on it, but can no longer be used for notarization per the new civil code 4583.45.

NOTARY: Oh, that’s too bad, but I don’t see myself being notarized in the hot tub. This is the first time I’ve heard “notarized” and “hot” in the same sentence.

CLERK: We certify that it gets up to 125. Don’t scald yourself. But you can get notarized underwater in the pool using our new underwater eNotary technology.

NOTARY: Great. If they drown, I can notarize their Death Certificate. Is the underwater eNotary technology hands free? My mother told me never to use electric appliances in the bath tub.

CLERK: No you just use your finger like you would paying your bill at a restaurant on one of those eSignatures. You can even buy a wet noodle underwater using our system.

NOTARY: That’s great, because I want to visit your Chinese spot next door. Can I get a Chinese continental breakfast with Shao Bing You Tiao tomorrow?

CLERK: Sorry — wrong continent. But, I will give you a complimentary breakfast ticket. Use it from 6am to 10am downstairs — don’t lose this. And here is your room key. It looks like a notary seal, just affix it to the rectangular pad on your door to get in.

MAID SERVICE: You will love our soaps in your room. We have one soap that is made with squid ink — especially for Notaries. An ancient Chinese saying says it helps you notarize better.

NOTARY: Hmm, never knew Confucius ever needed a Notary.

MAID SERVICE: Oh all the time. During the analects, he had to see a Notary several times in fact. And one more thing. There is a password to get into your room. We do this to keep the fake Notaries out. The computer embedded in the door will ask you to give Oath verbiage just to make sure you are upholding the law as a Notary Public. If you fail to give an applicable Oath, you might have to come down for a tutoring session before you get to sample our soaps.

NOTARY: I heard the remote for the TV was shaped like a Notary seal.

MAID SERVICE: That it is. But it is not one of those PhD remotes. It is really simple. Here, let me emboss your breakfast card so you can get a free omelette.

NOTARY: Cool, I mean hot.

(meanwhile the notary goes to his room.)

NOTARY: Wow, this joint is plush city… I wonder what’s on television. Oh, the Notary Channel. Who would have thought. Oh, another Notary channel for adults — Lucy embosses the seven sailors. Very naughty. I wonder how I can see a movie. Oh, I need to be notarized to see a movie to make sure I did not hit the buy key by mistake. My remote does a print out, I sign it, and then maid service notarizes it? Hmm. Let me ring.

MAID SERVICE: Hola — lociento pero no Ingles senor.. Just kidding!!!! You rang? Need something notarized? I love this concept. I am notarizing a Notary. Isn’t that like marrying your sister?

NOTARY: Not exactly. Here is the printout. I am ordering the movie Nancy breaks down the acknowledgment process. Something nerdy to fall asleep to.

MAID SERVICE: Oh, that is a good film. Nancy gets arrested in part three because she does something illegal by mistake because she skimmed through the tutorial instead of mastering the materials.

NOTARY: Finally a notary so bad, even Nicholas Cage won’t star in it. I gotta see this. Okay, here is my ticket. Please notarize it.

MAID SERVICE: This is a form is the same as a credit card receipt. There is no room for my notary seal!!! Just kidding, we use a small one for these forms. We have a customized seal for it in fact that we use just for movies. It is cleared with the Secretary of State too.

NOTARY: Super. How much do I owe you?

MAID SERVICE: Just a review on Yelp please. That is worth more than gold — providing it is a good review.

NOTARY: Well I’m going to say how you ruined the movie by telling me what happens in part 3.

MAID SERVICE: But, I didn’t tell you how it ends… So there will still be mucho suspense!

NOTARY : Good point.

(At breakfast)

Wow, I just love these eight large bronze circular containers with lids. This is a high-class breakfast. Or should I say Hyatt class. Hmm, the breakfast skillet looks good with the sausage, potatoes, onions, and peppers, I’ve never seen this before except at Denny’s, well, the pictures in the menu at Denny’s. Oh, certified Costa Rican coffee. That looks good. I love this place. (20 minutes later) Time to go back upstairs.

(At door to room)

DOOR: Please administer an Oath to me for a document that says, “I want to take a shower.”

NOTARY: I don’t understand the question.

DOOR: Entry denied.

NOTARY: Hey, I paid a lot to stay here!!!

DOOR: But, this hotel is for Notaries only. If you don’t know how to administer an Oath, you are not a real Notary. You are fraud. Fraud alert buz buzz buzz. Fraud alert.

NOTARY: Okay okay okay. Do you solemly Affirm that whatever… that I want to take a shower.”

DOOR: BUZZZ wrong!!! You are having ME swear that I want to take a shower, not that YOU want to take a shower. And in an Oath, you swear not affirm. Don’t they teach you anything in Notary school?

NOTARY: In my state we don’t have Notary school.

DOOR: You can say that again. Please go downstairs for your tutorial and we will need to re-zap your key.

NOTARY: Is that the correct verb, to zap my key for another 24 hours of entry?

DOOR: Some people say “re-key” or configure your key.

(meanwhile downstairs)

TEACHER: Hello student. Do you know the difference between an Oath and an Affirmation?

NOTARY: Ummm.. Aren’t they the same?

TEACHER: They can be used interchangeably, but if the customer requests one, you cannot give them the other, that would be choosing the notary act for them and these are distinctly different, yet interchangeable notary acts.

NOTARY: Umm, but what if the signer doesn’t want to talk about God?

TEACHER: You can recommend an Affirmation if they don’t like God — their maker. But you cannot choose for them.

NOTARY: What if they object to the absence of God?

TEACHER: Not in this century. This is the no God century. I’ll be surprised if the entire earth doesn’t fry. Hell, fire and brimstone!!! Just say to the door, “Do you solemnly swear that you want to take a shower?” Then, wait for the door to say yes. Then, you will have to figure out how to get the door in the shower, and how it will have privacy where there is no door in the doorway.

NOTARY: Hmmm, very good point. But, wouldn’t it be the computer in the door that wants a shower? Perhaps we could give it a waterproof shower using new technology. Unless the door is just testing me.

(back upstairs)

NOTARY: I’m ready. I’m putting my key in, or my notary seal against the stamp pad. Open sesame.

DOOR: I have signed this paper and want an Acknowledged signature. Would that be okay?

NOTARY: Well I don’t feel comfortable notarizing something that you already signed. Can you sign it again?

DOOR: How badly do you want your shower with the soap with squid ink in it — in minute quantities of course.

NOTARY: Okay I’ll do it. Will I end up in jail like Nancy?

DOOR: If you read (not skimmed) but read your handbook, you would know. Access granted.

NOTARY: What a relief. Just as a disclaimer, the real Hyatt does not do stuff like this. They just let you into your room with your key with no notary questions. This blog is about the Notary Hyatt — completely different place. But, you know something. I like this place so much, I’d like to stay here for the rest of my commission until my expiration date. I wonder if they can make me a key that works for that long. In any case, I have appointments today, so I have to check out. Let’s see how that procedure works.

FRONT DESK: Please destroy your notary seal key and bring it to the Secretary of State County Clerk office on the main floor.

NOTARY: Where is that?

FRONT DESK: The next desk over. You will need to take your Oath of non-office there too now that you are checking out. It’s like a Notary Oath of office in reverse.

NOTARY: Got it. I’m filled with energy from the waffles, so I think I can handle it. See you next time.

.

You might also like:

The sleezy Notary motel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16118

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Notary Hotel 2 — The Sequel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9887

Discounts for early booking a Notary appointment? Hotels do this.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19072

.

Share
>

January 23, 2011

Flashpoint — Notary job for a hostage with a multimillion dollar contract

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (shares),Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 9:31 pm

Dave had a multimillion dollar contract for a very rare biotech machine that was one of a kind. He was to meet the buyer in a high rise downtown. But, Dave was taken hostage in the lobby 10 minutes before the signing. The subject (Tom) needed the machine to save his brother who was dying of a rare disease.

TOM: (Pointing gun) Drop the briefcase and come with me.

DAVE: I can’t, this is a very important contract.

TOM: I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.

SECURITY: Help, 911, there’s a man with a gun. Send a strategic response team immediately!

TOM: Drop your cell phone and slide it over to me. Now, Dave, I need that machine you’re selling for my sick brother. I have no choice. I have to do this. Let’s go upstairs to where the buyer is waiting.

.

You might also like:

The Opposite: How George Costanza changed his Notary career
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17017

Shark Tank: 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16021

Compilation of Notary sit-com episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949

.

(The two of them go upstairs)

NOTARY: Hi, I’m the Notary, and by the way, did you find me on 123notary.com?

TOM: I wasn’t the one who made the call.

DAVE: Yes you were.

NOTARY: Oh great, can you write a review for me on my listing.

TOM: This is not the time to be talking about reviews (waving gun around.)

NOTARY: Oh, did you want me to notarize your gun?

TOM: NO. I want the biotech machine to save my dying brother.

(ring ring)

TOM: Don’t answer that. I’ll get this.

GREG: Hi, this is Sargeant Greg Parker from the strategic response unit. I understand you have a hostage up there.

TOM: Yes Greg, we do.

GREG: That was a smart thing to do, taking a hostage. That really changes the game.

TOM: What are you, a professional negotiator?

GREG: Yes Tom, that is what I am. I’m here to try to work out your situation. Would you mind telling me your name?

TOM: Um, I can’t. I didn’t want to do this. I just need the machine to save my dying brother. I’ve never done anything like this (waving gun) Stand back!

GREG: Is the machine in the building where you are?

TOM: They won’t tell me where it is. And even if I have it, I don’t know how it works.

GREG: Sounds like one of the guns our team uses that’s in storage. I don’t know where it is, or how it works. If I press the wrong button, only God knows what will happen.

TOM: What?

(crash — Jules rams the door and barges into the room)

JULES: Put your weapons down!!!!

ED: Put your weapons down…

JULES: There’s only one weapon, so let’s use the singular.

ED: Copy that!!! Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to put your gun down.

NOTARY: I have a seal, should I drop my seal? I think of it as kind of a weapon.

ED: Yes, put the seal on the table.

GREG: Do you have the solution?

ED: I have the solution, and Jules has eyes on the subject although he’s nothing much to look at.

JULES: Hey, I like him. It’s just that I’m (oops) not allowed to talk about them… Sam… since that’s a conflict of interest.

GREG: I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear that so I don’t get fired. Now, put down the weapon so that we can talk this over.

TOM: I need that machine.

GREG: That’s not going to happen. We can’t give you that machine. But, if you don’t put your gun down, we’ll have to use lethal force against you. Do you understand that? They your brother will die and so will you.

TOM: No, I won’t!!!

GREG: Okay…. Scorpio

(blast)

GREG: What was that?

ED: It seems to be a gas explosion in another part of the building.

TOM: Okay, I’ll put my gun down. I don’t want to die.

JULES: You came inches from it.

DAVE: You know what, I can let your brother use my machine. But, only under my supervision.

TOM: You will? Gee thanks!

ED: And you can see the whole thing from a monitor — in jail. Put your hands in the air. You have the right to remain silent.

NOTARY: I can give him an Oath of silence. That’s one of my duties as a Notary Public.

Ed: That won’t be necessary.

NOTARY: I also do weddings and bar-mitzvahs.

Share
>

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 11:34 am

Welcome to Notary Hell

Notaries who have done bad deeds (or signed bad Deeds) in their personal or professional life are often committed to Notary Purgatory, or Notary Hell. Many Buddhist Notaries commented that there are seven heavens and seven hells, birth, death, and rebirth. In Notary Hell, the Power of the Devil, supersedes the Power of Attorney (even if it is Authenticated by the Secretary of State.)

In Notary Hell, misdeeds, negligence, and malfeasance are considered good things, although they prefer active acts of treachery.

Common Experiences
Notaries who are condemned to Notary Hell are subjected to all types of cruel, but not unusual tortures. Some notaries have all of their documents burned in the eternal fires of hell. Others have to do a daily signing for a “reader” who reads every letter of every page, and then claims not to be sure if they want to sign. These “readers” can take up to three hundred hours to complete a signing in 130 degree heat. The devils in Notary Hell are very despotic, they like to emboss the notaries around. One devil came around with a giant red hot steel embosser and embossed a notary’s hand. Other notaries are branded on their left shoulder with a red hot iron notary seal, so that it will be obvious which part of Notary Hell they are confined to.

One notary had a near death experience that he shared with us. His soul actually left his body. Unfortunately, because of all of the misdeeds he had committed (including backdating) that he went to hell. At first he was concerned that he was in hell. But, then after a few minutes he realized that he recognized half the people there since they were his Mortgage Broker clients.

Another notary commented that when he was in Notary Hell, everything he notarized was in invisible ink, so all of his work was virtually erased.

The Warning Signs
For those who are weak in terms of their conscious, a not so subtle warning sign is often sent to the notary from the higher world. The notary will be sent to Notary Hell for a few minutes in a dream, to scare the hell out of them. If the notary does not repent, the next time the notary commits a serious error or omission, the gates of Notary Hell will open up, and the Notary Devil himself will come for a personal visit to the notary’s official address based on their records with the Secretary of State.

Entry Procedures
All notaries are required to register with the Secretary of Hell, or as the locals call it, “The Demon Vee” within 30 days of arrival. You must have an identification document that was issued in the last ten years, but hasn’t been burned (or melted) yet. Notaries are required to take their Oath of Office. There is no prerequisite residency requirement for entry. Applicants must be 18 years or older and have committed a Felony or multiple acts of Mural Turpitude. There is no proctored exam necessary as an entry requirement for Notary Hell. References from scummy people are appreciated although not required.

There are many mansions in my father’s kingdom
But, you only get a cramped spot in the basement of the mansion next to the boiler room. Although Notary Hell is horribly unpleasant, due to funding cuts in the Secretary of Hell, most of the torturous punishments have been put on hold — at least for now.

DEVIL: Welcome to Notary Hell

NOTARY: But, all I did was backdate a few times

DEVIL: You don’t know how that affected other people’s lives, do you?

NOTARY: Are you preaching to me?

DEVIL: Well, I’m not exactly the most credible of witnesses, but let’s just say, that I’m aware of the severity of your mal-actions.

NOTARY: So, what now?

DEVIL: It’s time to get you registered. Right this way.

CLERK: ID Please?

NOTARY: Here it is. By the way, it’s hot in here!

DEVIL: Yeah, but it’s a dry heat.

CLERK: Have you visited Notary Hell before?

NOTARY: The time when my client wouldn’t turn down his TV came pretty close.

CLERK: Birth and death date

NOTARY: What’s the point, I’m dead aren’t I?

CLERK: Well, we like to keep track of these things. We like to keep accurate journal entries, just like good notaries are supposed to do — hint, hint.

NOTARY: Journal Schmournal. So, I kept a journal. People signed it. Big deal.

CLERK: We take these things very seriously in the brighter world. If it had been a lesser infraction, we would have sent you to Notary Heck.

NOTARY: Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

CLERK: If every notary were as negligent as you, the entire profession would be compromised. Ha! More business for me!

NOTARY: Okay, so what now?

CLERK: Now, we take you to your accommodations. Follow the demon dressed in red, and take a left at the pitchfork in the road.

NOTARY: Got it.

DEMON: Welcome to Notary Hell.

(walking to the notary’s accommodations)

NOTARY: Oh, look to the left. I didn’t know Saddam Hussein was a Notary.

DEMON: Little mix-up. We sent him to the wrong hell.

NOTARY: Oh look at those cauldrons, notaries are being boiled in oil.

DEMON: The one good thing about having Saddam around is that we never run out of oil.

NOTARY: Just out of curiosity, is there wifi here?

DEMON: No, but we have cable. We have the Kardashian channel playing 24/7.

NOTARY: Is this my cell?

DEMON: Here’s your palatial estate.

NOTARY: And you call this notary hell?

DEMON: Yeah, but now all your dead relatives know you have a palatial estate and they’ll be visiting you in one hour. And by the way, the thermostat is on the mantle. You can turn it down to 130 during daylight hours — if you like.

NOTARY: That’s quite thoughtful of you.

DEMON: Shhhh. don’t let that get out!

.

You might also like:

Notary comedy articles about heaven & hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16640

Witnessing intake forms for Notary Heaven
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8832

Commission Impossible
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16067

Share
>

January 21, 2011

Notary Pick Up Lines Part 2

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 10:40 am

This one was written by a guest blogger.
It is rated (R), so if you are tight on morality, please skip on to the next one!

You get my stamp of approval that’ll never expire.

Lien on me, baby.

After impressing my notary seal to this document, I’d rather impress you.

How ‘bout affix-up? (or… How ‘bout an affix-up?)

Let’s talk dirty and swear under oath.

What do you say we change the venue to my place?

If you look at another notary’s writs, I’ll get subpoenas-envy.

Is that an embosser in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? (off the old come-on first made famous by Mae West that’s lived ever since, “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”)

After acknowledging you signed a document, feel like acknowledging my existence?

While you certify that date, how ‘bout certifying our date?

I affirm under penalty of law you’re hot.

Why bear witness to documents when we can bear each other’s souls?

It’s a crime if you don’t go out with me, punishable by the death of my social life.

Forget power of attorney. Right now I’m thinking about the power of that blouse (you’re wearing).

Come witness our initials in that tree.

There’s no statute of limitation to how much I want you (right now).

Hi. If I’m bothering you, it’s just a duress rehearsal.

(some slightly edgier ones…)

After you sign the deed, how ‘bout we do that other deed? (the proverbial “dirty deed” as in screw.)

This is just my notary public façade. Wait till you see my privates.

I’m state-approved. Care for a drink? I’m also state of intoxication-approved.

Are you as loose as that certificate? (re: “loose certificate”)

My seal isn’t the only thing that’s raised right now.

.

You might also like:

But, I’m still a virgin!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14915

Notary Pick Up Lines Part 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9851

Share
>

Notary Public Virginia e-notary Rules

Filed under: e-Notarization & e-Signings,Virginia Notary — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 7:41 am

Notary Public Virginia e-notary rules
http://www.commonwealth.virginia.gov/Notary/eNotary-faq.cfm

The information in this blog entry is based on information derived from the Virginia Secretary of the Commonwealth’s Notary Division website on the page indicated above.

Here are a few quick notes about Virginia e-notary rules
(1) Signers must personally appear before a Virginia e-notary to get an e-notarization.
(2) A separate registration or commission is necessary to be a Virginia e-notary, and the same exact name variation must be used on both commissions.
(3) There is no additional education required to become an e-notary in Virginia beyond the education required to become a conventional notary.  However, you are advised to be an expert on the Virginia notary handbook and to educate yourself and be trained in the electronic process of notarization. 
(4) There is a quick application form to become an e-notary in Virginia, and the form is on the Secretary of State’s website — use the link above.
(5) A Virginia electronic notary commission expires when your regular notary commission expires.
(6) The state of Virginia can produce electonic evidence that an e-notarization is authentic with a certificate of authority. Please see the official wording of this certificate near the bottom of this entry. There is a fee for this certificate as with any other authentication.
(6) The Virginia Notary Division (c/o Secretary of the Commonwealth) gives some of the most comprehensive information about being an e-notary of any of the states.  Once the e-seal is affixed to the electronic document, the document is rendered tamper evident as unauthorized attempts to alter a document will be evident and obvious to involved parties.  This statement is very interesting. Many of us fear the e-notarization process as we fear it might be less secure as we don’t understand it or feel accustomed to it. But, in reality, paper documents are easy to tamper with, while secure e-documents might not be so easy to tamper with.
 
The Virginia e-notarization process: step by step
(1) The signer signs their electronic signature on an electronic document, and then signs the notary’s e-journal. 
(2) The notary affixes their electonic seal and signature to the electronic document after it has been signed.  

Note: An e-signature might start with you logging in with a password, and then clicking a submit or accept button.  (Digital signature pads are also sometimes used – but weren’t mentioned in the information on the page we linked to above)
 
The future requirement of personal appearance
Personal appearance is currently required for e-notarizations, but the state says, “At present, yes” to this requirements and says, “not yet” for taking acknowledgments via audio/video conferencing which implies that one day personal appearance might not be required.
 
Certificate of Authority for an Electronic Notarial Act
I, __________________ (name and title), certify that _________________(name of electronic notary), the person named as Electronic Notary Public in the attached or associated electronic document, was commissioned as an Electronic Notary for the Commonwealth of Virginia and authorized to act as such at the time of the document’s electronic notarization.
 
To verify this Certificate of Authority for an Electronic Notarial Act, I have included herewith my electronic signature this ______ day of ___________, 2011
 
(Electronic signature and seal of commissioning official)

Share
>

January 20, 2011

Notary Starbucks – charging for waiting time while sipping Sumatra

Filed under: General Stories,Popular on Twitter — Tags: , — admin @ 12:42 am

Welcome to Notary Starbucks where Notaries go to meet clients, get caffeinated, and blend with others. When the check comes, they get to do the signing for a change. Choose from a wide selection of Notarial coffees and snacks. Additionally, this is the only type of Starbucks where tables have separate mini-wings that open up on the sides of tables to accommodate drinks, so they won’t spill on your documents if you tip them over! Better yet, you get to use the new Starbucks Notary App that gets your waiting time paid in advance! At regular Starbucks, you see writers with their laptops writing screenplays about superheroes that never sell. At Notary Starbucks, they write screenplays about notaries that never get paid.

We offer a Notary cake that is rectangular and has an imprint of a Notary Seal in the middle. Just don’t eat the cake after the expiration date imprinted in it! Try the molten Notary cake too. It has chocolate Notary seal ink in the middle! Below is a list of our coffee blend selections.

Antigua Affidavit Blend

Conforming Columbian Dark Roast

Arabian Acknowledgment

Subscribing Sumatra

Sulawesi Signature Whole Bean

Interest Only Italian Blend (Light Roast)

All strong enough to keep you awake while waiting for your client who’s had too much java to provide a signature that isn’t too shaky from all that caffeine.

But, Notaries don’t only go to their local Notary Starbucks to enjoy snacks, they meet their best clients there. They even had a new Starbucks App that would penalize clients from coming late to appointments where they would meet at Starbucks.

CLIENT: I’m almost there, but running late

NOTARY : No problem, you prepaid $25 waiting fee. You’re only halfway through that.

CLIENT: I thought that was the Notary fee.

NOTARY: Nope? My last client kept me waiting here for 30 minutes only to stand me up. That’s why I use “The Waiting App.” It’s $10 per signature, plus $10 travel fee for me to come here from home not to mention waiting time. You’re out $12.50 for keeping me waiting.

CLIENT: But, you didn’t do anything!

NOTARY: I wouldn’t call waiting for you not doing anything. Waiting for paint to dry – maybe. I came when I had other offers, and I sat here drinking Burundi Buydown with cream and sugar — too much sugar, I’ll never make that mistake again. This is time out of my day. You think I work for free?

CLIENT: But, you’re not working?

NOTARY: If I spent the entire day at Starbucks, “Not Working” I wouldn’t be able to afford my Murundi Mortgage, or my real Mortgage for that matter. I get paid for doing signatures, and if those people don’t want to show — they pay for my opportunity cost that I spent waiting — and sipping.

CLIENT: Sipping. You lazy bum. Don’t you have anything better to do?

NOTARY: As a matter of fact, I got an offer for an $80 signing while I was waiting for a late client. I turned him down since I got a down payment via the Starbucks Notary App.

CLIENT: Why of all the low-down.

NOTARY: Hey, you’re the one who can’t show up on time, not me buddy. Blame yourself.

CLIENT: I’ve decided not to come. I don’t like your attitude.

NOTARY: Great, I’ll call the $80 guy back. It’s only been two minutes. I’ll tell him I’ll be there in another two. Or have him meet me for a FHA French Roast right here at Notary Starbucks. In the meantime, I’m sort of trying to win the affection of a female Notary sitting next to me. Thanks a latte.

CLIENT: Fine — Bum!!!!

LADY NOTARY: I’m enjoying this Interest Only Italian Blend. They claim that if you drink it, you will enhance the interest of Notaries of the opposite sex.

NOTARY: It’s working. But, I have to go. The $80 guy wants me to show up at his house in 10 minutes. Send me a text. But, do you think I’ll get in trouble with the police?

LADY NOTARY: Why? For driving under the influence of that Subscribing Sumatra Frapaccino you had an hour ago? The high on that lasts for four hours. You might be driving all jerky, or irratically smash your seal into the document at your signing.

NOTARY: Nah, I’ll be fine.

LADY NOTARY: Oh yeah? Well, how many fingers am I holding up?

NOTARY: I can’t tell. Your fingers are shaking so much. It might be easier to meet ladies at a Notary bar rather than here. Everybody’s so jumpy and over caffeinated.

LADY NOTARY: Ya think? I’m not that bad compared to the lady who started out sipping sumatra which is a gateway coffee drink and then moved up to the crackaccino!

NOTARY: Good point. Gotta go! $80 is calling my name. Anyway, later. I’ve gotta Java now if you know what I mean!

.

You might also like:

The Starbucks Signing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14291

The Starbucks Notary wises up
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4207

Share
>

January 17, 2011

Taxi: Reverend Jim Becomes a Notary

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , , — admin @ 8:08 am

TAXI – REVEREND JIM BECOMES A NOTARY

ALEX: Louie, what happened to the fifty bucks I had in my locker?

LOUIE: What are you asking me for? Do you think a busy man like me has the time to nose around your locker? Whereas… that nose of yours has all the time in the world.

ALEX: Is that another nose crack, Louie?

LOUIE: If the honker fits, wear it.

NARDO: Somebody stole money from my purse!

ALEX: Somebody would imply it was a human being. And that would be wrong. Because it was Louie.

LOUIE: Hey! I’m starting to feel insulted here.

NARDO: Louie, if you don’t give me back my money, I’ll report you to the commissioner!

LOUIE: (into intercom) Listen up, you losers. I did not steal your chump change or whatever you want to call it. I’ve got better things to do than loot a bunch of lowlifes. I swear to God.

TONY: What about swearing to a notary, Louie?

LOUIE: A notary? I swear to notaries all the time. Like “Get away from me, you @*!# notary.”

REVEREND JIM: Did somebody say they need a notary?

TONY: Yeah, we want Louie to make a statement under penalty of perjury… Did you hear that, Louie? … That he didn’t steal Alex’s or Elaine’s money.

ALEX: That’s called an affirmation, Tony.

REVEREND JIM: Lucky for you and me. I just applied to become a notary.

ALEX: You, Jim?

REVEREND JIM: Yeah. I got to thinkin’…

LOUIE: There’s trouble.

REVEREND JIM: Boss, you know how you boss people around all the time? That makes you the “bosser”. But now that I’m a notary and have my notary seals, you’ll be able to call me… “embosser.”

TONY: That’s why you became a notary, Jim?

REVEREND JIM: That, and they get all the chicks.

ALEX: Well if Jim’s a notary, I think he should make Louie swear under oath that he’s not lying about stealing our money.

LATKA: In my country, notaries are the most revered office holders in the land. They work with estates, deeds, powers-of-attorney. They protest notes and bills of exchange.

ALEX: They do all that in this country.

LATKA: They also have notary groupies.

REVEREND JIM: Damn. I should move to Latka’s country.

LOUIE: Go! And take Potato Latka here with you.

ELAINE: Make him swear he didn’t take the money!

REVEREND JIM: Boss… This affidavit contains a jurat notarial certificate. I want you to sign on the dotted line that you didn’t take any money from Elaine or Alex.

LOUIE: I ain’t signing that.

ALEX: Because you’re guilty!

LOUIE: Isn’t my word good enough for you people?

EVERYONE: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

LOUIE: How ‘bout two words… @*!# @*!# You’re coercing me into signing that thing. That makes it null and void!

REVEREND JIM: Not if I add a free act and deed that indicates you weren’t coerced.

TONY: Wow, Jim. You really know your stuff!

REVEREND JIM: I do? Wow, and to think it was just a guess.

.

You might also like:

Compilation of Notary Sit-Com Episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949

Cheers: Frazier & Dianne get a notarized love letter
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=cheers

Share
>

January 14, 2011

Seinfeld — George Needs a Notary

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 10:11 am

George is visiting his folks.

ESTELLE: Georgie, your father and I have a surprise for you.

GEORGE: Oh God.

FRANK: Your mother and I are gonna renew our vows.

GEORGE: Renew your vows? The vows you recited at your wedding? I’ve got news for you. Whatever they were, they didn’t take.

ESTELLE: Don’t get smart with us, Georgie! Your father and I want to renew the love we have for each other! And you’re giving me away.

George reacts.

Then at the coffee shop with Jerry:

JERRY: Giving her away? You should be thrilled. Just as long as you don’t have to take her back.

GEORGE: They’re throwing a ceremony. The whole kit and caboodle.

JERRY: Notice it’s never half a kit and caboodle?

GEORGE: (annoyed) Yeah. I’ve noticed. Oh and get this – Kramer’s my father’s Best Man.

JERRY: He’s never been the best anything.

GEORGE: My folks are renewing their vows. And Ellen, who is again dumping me, keeps renewing her vow never to see me again.

Kramer enters and joins them.

GEORGE: How come you’re the Best Man?

KRAMER: I think that goes without saying.

GEORGE: This whole thing’s a joke. They’ve been at each other’s throats for forty years. How can renewing their vows change anything?

KRAMER: I’ll tell you what you should do. Bring a notary to the ceremony and have him certify the vows. That way, they’ll have to abide by them or they can be locked up for perjury.

GEORGE: (a beat) Kramer, that’s a brilliant idea.

JERRY: Careful. You could be locked up for perjury.

GEORGE: No, don’t you see? Either they’ll have to love and obey each other, and stop their incessant yelling, or they’ll be thrown in jail. Either way – I win!

Later at the renewal ceremony…

KRAMER: (to Estelle) Just look at you. You’re the picture of relative youth!

ESTELLE: Relative?

KRAMER: No, I’m just the best man, but I feel like family.

GEORGE: Where’s the notary? This has disaster written all over it, I just know it.

JERRY: Relax. You’re not losing a mother, you’re losing your mind.

NOTARY: Sorry I’m late. Half-way here, I remembered I forgot my seal.

GEORGE: You remembered you forgot your seal?

JERRY: He remembered. And he forgot. He’s Even-Steven.

NOTARY: (to Frank) Before you recite your vows, I’ll need you to sign them.

FRANK: What are you talking about? Who the hell are you?

NOTARY: Your vows. I’m the notary.

Justice of the Peace hands vows to notary.

FRANK: I didn’t order any notary.

GEORGE: I did. It’s my little gift to you. To make sure that this time… they’re official.

FRANK: What are you talking about?

GEORGE: Your vows! The love you two express for each other has to be given… the gravitas and respect it deserves. If you abide by your vows… everything will be hunky-dory.

FRANK: And what if I don’t?

GEORGE: … I’m sure they’ll let you two have conjugal visits.

FRANK: Here, give me the damn paper.

Frank signs it.

GEORGE: (to Jerry) Now I know how Carter felt when he pulled off that peace treaty.

ELAINE: Can we get this show on the road? I need to get back to de-linting sweaters for Mr. Pitt.

JERRY: He’s got you de-linting sweaters now?

ELAINE: Hey, it’s a step up from un-salting his pretzels.

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: We’re gathered here today to witness the re-joining of Frank and Estelle Costanza. May I have the vows please?

Notary hands him the freshly sealed and document to refer to.

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: (reading) “I, Frank Costanza, take again as my wife, Estelle Costanza…”

KRAMER: (teary-eyed) This part always gets me.

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: “ … as a continual thorn in my backside…”

GEORGE: Continual thorn? Stop! Let me see that. (Grabs vows, starts reading) “…to aggravate me for the rest of my life. I, Estelle Costanza, take again as my husband, Frank Costanza, the cheapest man who doesn’t clip his ear hair I’ve ever known…” Are you nuts? You can’t recite these vows!

FRANK: Why not? They come from our hearts.

ESTELLE: Your father’s right. For a change.

NOTARY: Their new vows are on an affidavit on which they’ve already affirmed under penalty of perjury that the information is the truth. Your father signed it in my presence. Notice my seal.

GEORGE: I see your seal! Well that’s just great. Now they’re legally obligated to drive each other bonkers, along with me!

JERRY: (to notary) Question: The next time my friend here gets a Dear John letter, if your seal isn’t on it, does that mean he didn’t officially get dumped?

NOTARY: No, he’d still be dumped.

JERRY: (to George) Hey, I tried.

.

You might also like:

Seinfeld: George’s parents get a vow renewal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15132

The Seinfeld episode about a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10208

Share
>

January 13, 2011

Sam’s Notary BBQ

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:52 pm

A former Notary decided to open a barbecue joint. He was proud of the fact that BBQ is one of the few foods in the world that are indiginous to America. In fact, BBQ was invented by the Taino tribe of Puerto Rico and Haiti whose decendents are the modern day Puerto Ricans! To make it even more American, he had indiginous favorites like corn, pinto beans, green chili, and rabbit. Those were foods enjoyed by the Native Americans centuries before Christopher Columbus made his famous journey. But, this Notary saw how there were so many different BBQ styles that were regional. So, he created fake Notary seals for each type of BBQ specialty that he offered. He didn’t want to just do Texas style or Kansas City — he did them all.

He offered Florida style BBQ which I was unable to find on the internet. But, I read that it has fruit reduction sauces kind of like how Pollo Loco was doing it a decade ago. So, on the napkins, there was an imprint of a Florida Notary seal with an expiration date, and a county of Alachua of all places.

He offered Tennessee style backdated baby back ribs.
He had Kansas City (County of Leavenworth) style beneficiary brisket.
Next there were South Carolina satisfactory evidence style beer can chicken with mustard sauce
And Finally, there was Texas testamonium style beef ribs.
For an encore, he decided to add an uncommon BBQ item to the menu. Smoked Seal.
He had a few protesters outside his place for a while who were livid, until he offered them a sample of the seal meat. The liked it so much, they asked for a job!

And if a Notary backdated and got caught, Sam BBQed them… just kidding.

So, that is the story of Sam’s Notary BBQ Joint!

.

You might also like:

Welcome to the Notary Casino
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15255

Scribbles: A Notary Comedy Club
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15258

Share
>
« Newer Posts — Older Posts »