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January 9, 2011

Notary Hotel 2 — the sequel

Welcome to The Notary Hotel, for all things notarial.

Customer: “Wow, this hotel is so notarial, even the notepad comes with Jurat wording!”
Reception: “We cater to a very specific market over here.”
Customer: “That is great, but honestly, at one of those other Notary Hotels, there were ink stains on the wash cloth!”
Reception: “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear about that. That must be the hotel on the other side of town that is currently out of commission, right?”
Customer: “That’s the one, but I don’t like to mention names!”
Reception: “I understand”
Customer: “And they were annoying too. Each room had a fax machine, so they could fax the bill to you, and they required three dozen fax backs before they would let you check out!”
Reception: “Sounds like that other notary hotel, or the Notel, as we call it was owned by a signing service.”
Customer: “Tell me about it.”
Reception: “We are notarial, but in a good way over here, well at least we like to think we are. You’ll enjoy our notarial breakfast. You get an embossed waffle. Instead of having the regular grid, you will get a huge impression of a circular embossed notary seal. Instead of an expiration date on the seal, we say — best if consumed before 6-01-2014 — for example.
Customer: “I’m hungry already.

Can you expedite my express-o?
Reception: “Then, you’ll enjoy a cup or two of our signature French roast coffee — but, you don’t have to notarize the signature.”
Customer: “Great, because I don’t feel comfortable with foreign language notarizations.”
Reception: “Oh no, it’s not a French language roast, the coffee is English speaking, and so is the signature.”
Customer: “In that case, that will be fine. I prefer espresso though.”
Reception: “Well, since we are a boutique hotel, we can make espresso upon special request.”
Customer: “Can you expedite my express-o? No pun intended.”
Reception: “And over here, instead of paying by the night, you can stay for a pre-arranged number of days, weeks or months — we call that period of time a commission!”
Customer: “Boy, you guys are just too notarial. Next thing you know, I’ll have to take a proctored test to stay here.”

What type of Notelarization?
Reception: “Well, we test you in other less pronounced ways — to make sure you know what you’re doing. Can you sign the register please, I mean the journal? We like our guests to sign it. We’re a bit old fashioned.”
Customer: “So, where you do you want me to sign it?”
Reception: “That was part of the test. You are the notary, you are supposed to know. You sign in the signature section!”
Customer: “Right… what was I thinking. I’ve been doing this job for twenty years and still have to be reminded! I’ll put the type of Notelarization as well — acknowledged overnight stay.”
Reception: “Super. Let me check your ID, to make sure the name matches the one in the journal. Your ID says, Ralph E Emerson, and you signed Ralph Wemerson? Am I missing something?”
Customer: “Well, over time, my E became sideways and began to look more like a W. You understand, right?”
Reception: “Well, at least it’s not like Wang Zhu Ming from China who signed in Chinese characters.”
Customer: “That’s nothing, I had an Egyptian who signed in hieroglyphics once, or at least it looked that way!”

Standards at the Notary Hotel
Reception: “At our Notel, we have standards. If any of the maids fails to abide by the following regulations, their commissions can be suspended, revoked, or terminated.”

(1) Failure to require the guest to sign for their food delivered during room service
(2) Failure to administer an Oath for the late night lasagna Jurat
(3) Failure to honor the 3 minute right to rescind on midnight tacos

Affidavit of Maid Services must be signed at the door. The date and time must be documented as well, along with an indication of the type of maid-torial act. For example, they could acknowledge that they made up the room.

Customer: “It sounds wonderful. This Notel operates for the benefit of the customer. What about late night pay-per-flick. Is there a rescission period for that if I don’t like the movie?”
Reception: “Yes, you can mail, or fax your…”
Customer: “Stop right there, did you say fax? I’m out of here!”
Reception: “No wait… come back…”

You might also like:

Notary Hotel 1
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10016

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January 6, 2011

Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!

Welcome to the Notary Dating Show. I’m your host Jeremy! Tonight we have a fun crowd. Tony wants to meet a nice Notary from the female gender, and boy do we have some choices for him. We have Tammy, Mandy, and Wendy, all of whom are interesting young ladies who are not only fun — but, they’re experienced! I know if Jimmi Hendrix dated a Notary, he would want an experienced one, but let’s see how Tony feels. Now, let’s introduce Tony!

JEREMY: Tony! Welcome to the show.

TONY: It’s great to be here. I just can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been finding all the wrong girls. I just can’t relate to them.

JEREMY: Do you think — that it’s because they’re not Notaries?

TONY: That might very well be Jeremy. It is a distinct possibility.

JEREMY: Okay… Now, we have three young ladies from the female gender on the other side of that curtain. You can each ask each other a few questions, and then decide who you want to meet.

TONY: Well, how do I know if they’re hot if I only get to see them after the questions?

JEREMY: We do it this way to reduce the element of distraction.

TONY: Oh, got it….

TAMMY: Hi Tony. I’m Tammy. I just wanted to know, have you ever notarized a paraplegic?

TONY: Hmm, I can’t say that I have. That sounds a bit hair raising.

TAMMY: Well, his hair was the only thing he could raise. He couldn’t move his arms and had to sign by putting a pen in his mouth.

TONY: Oh my God. That must have been a very memorable signing. I feel sorry for the guy.

TAMMY: Me too. I just wish I could do something to make it up to him.

TONY: Well, it’s not your fault that he has that problem.

MANDY: Hi, I’m Mandy. So, have you ever done it in an airplane? I mean notarized someone at an altitude of a mile high or higher?

TONY: Actually, I met someone in an airport for a signing. We met at the airport Starbucks. He was so high on caffeine that he was about to fly away before the plane even docked.

WENDY: Hi, I’m Wendy. The other day, I notarized an accomplice to a murder. I got such a rush out of that. I was wondering what the most hair raising notarization you have ever done was.

TONY: Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that…. I notarized a cartel boss at Men’s Central. He was the silent type. Very unnerving.

WENDY: So, he didn’t offer you a coupon for his “products?”

TONY: Very funny. I stay clear of that type of thing.

JEREMY: So, Tony, which girl did you like the most?

TONY: Hmm, I kind of like Tammy. She takes a lot of concern for others who she doesn’t even know. I just wonder if she is as nice to people who she does know, even when they become the same old thing after half a year of dating.

TAMMY: You’ll find out!

JEREMY: That’s right, you will find out because your first date has been scheduled for Le Jurat — enjoy notarial foods including certified angus beef, soup du jurat, and embossed giant oreo cookies a la mode. The valet will need your parking stub to be notarized, and don’t forget to ask the waiter when your 1st payment is due –that is a tradition to ask at this restaurant where almost all of the clients are loan signing agents! After six months of dating Tammy you will find out how she treats people who are no longer new and exciting, but let’s just start with the first date!

.

You might also like:

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

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March 25, 2010

Popular 3rd tweet for blogs

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 11:45 am

(1) iPhone 7: Smart attorney app sues virtual attorney for claiming he’s actual attorney

(2) Types of weapons notaries could bring to a signing: large flashlight, ring of keys, gun, etc.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9827

(3) How much money is your life worth to you. Scheduling too tightly could end it!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9819

(4) Most notaries would rather that the phone just didn’t ring

(5) Most parents in NC overwhelmingly support the idea: adolescents should be able 2obtain confidential medical services.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10165

(6) Cancellations are a real fact of notary life, but double booking can ruin your rep!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9312

(7) 123notary can change your county & state on file in a snap. But, changing your neighboring counties?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9339

(8) A family of Italians needs an Apostille on a POA drafted in Italy. Everything goes wrong. Find out more!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8740

(9) When you scan your work to double check, do you know what to look for?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9291

(10) Your listing is like your front lawn. If you don’t maintain it, people will think nobody’s home.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9286

(11) There’s plenty of fast food, but not enough fast notaries!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8699

(12) Nobody owns you or manages you unless you let them! When it comes to the worst notary jobs, “just say no”

(13) Half of the job is knowing how to handle difficult people! #signingagent
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9265

(14) Sometimes the worst clients are the very rich, celebrities, public officials, corporate leaders, etc.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8628

(15) I just died, my ID is with my body down there.

(16) Their signing took place at The Notary Hotel & the wife requested a wakeup call after the signing was done.

(17) As to setting your fee; set a rate that allows you the time to earn Memorable status –
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8390

(18) Wondering if a phone # a girl gave you is legit? Get it notarized!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8781

(19) He wanted us to remove a notary. I told him we don’t remove notaries based on one-sided stories

(20) When I called the borrowers, the wife picked up and thought I was the mistress! I’m the notary!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(21) She tried all day to find a notary, then gave up and had an ice cream. The guy behind her was a notary!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7023

(22) High class co’s pick the best of the best notaries. If you’re on 123notary.com, you’ve already cleared an important hurdle.

(23) Grow your client network. Do inexpensive work and pass your card out to everyone! #notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6358

(24) I decided then and there to be the notary monster myself.

(25) One guy met a notary in a bar & said, “I’ll buy you a drink if you stamp my God damn form!”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7019

(26) Live in the present & gain happiness by being indifferent to appointments being cancelled!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4764

(27) Moishe: “The land belongs to Israel.”
Fouzi: “Do you have a notarized Deed to prove it?”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7015

(28) A loan processer 30 year vet didn’t know the technical term for the “date of signing”

(29) Listing your language skills can help get more clicks on 123notary.

(30) If you make over ten grand, you should get both NNA certification and our certification.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8520

(31) Be an upbeat person who gets the job done and doesn’t create obstacles for others.

(32) Realtor “I need to use the half bathroom”; Notary: “Are you going to do a #half or a number 1?”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6609

(33) Has a signing company ever gotten you to do something for free? Ha ha, you just got played!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3997

(34) Banks have liberalized loan terms, so it is easier to get a loan = more biz for notaries!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6999

(35) The notaries who attract the most work get multiple certifications, reviews, and have great attitudes.

(36) If Arnold Schwartzenager became a notary public, he would be known as “The Noterator”.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6461

(37) A #Jurat is a notary act requiring the signer 2sign before the notary, swear & be identified.

(38) “We need to get rid of the witness, but I can’t tell the 2 blondes apart”

(39) “Young man, have you ever thought of becoming a notary public? You just might have the right stuff!”

(40) U must meditate on 1-ness. Unless ur signing is for a husband & wife in which case u need to meditate on 2-ness.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4825

(41) The wife abrupty left the signing table & ran thru the house w/the husband chasing her. What a bunch of nuts!

(42) “Does the seal on the embossed oreo cookie have an expiration date?” Jeremy asked.

(43) A quick guide to being a notary including: journals, seals, identification, witnesses, jurats, oaths & more…

(44) E&O refused to cover the notary since she didn’t make an error or an omission. It was the Lender’s fault!

(45) When you wait for a client to show up who’s late, ur held hostage w/o waiting fees or travel fees.

(46) The ghost of the former owner of this Victorian mansion decided to drop in for the notary signing.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3464

(47) Notaries who get ahead put hard information in their notes, not bragging or unverifiable claims.

(48) Want a type of loan where your rate goes down every year? Try a parachute loan!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4135

(49) 3 ways to supersize your notary business that only take a few minutes per day!

(50) We found the notary who assisted with the “abduction” paperwork, but she wouldn’t answer my calls!
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(51) Wife: “The next thing you will ask for is a blood sample.”
Vampire Notary: “Funny you should mention that.”

(52) It is illegal to use your seal on a blank piece of paper. Yet jails usually require this! (cross it out)

(53) I’m the bartender notary; I talk bar talk. It’s my trademark to serve drinks and make smalltalk before signing.”

(54) You don’t need to ID him because he looks old, but you look about 18 Mr. Bartender, so we should ID you!

(55) The notary later learned that the inmate she notarized was in prison for child pornography.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3365

(56) Many elderly signers feel they are being taken advantage of, and that they have a weakness.

(57) One Texas Notary went to a signing & was greeted by a man pointing a rifle at her.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3329

(58) The (female) notary had this bad feeling that something just wasn’t right.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3178

(59) The lady expected the notary to drive around the block for an hour until she showed up!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3120

(60) California lost 44% of it’s notaries from 2007 to 2012 according to a Census count.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3230

(61) The Lender asked Shelly to notarize someone who wasn’t there & she reported him to the Secretary of State
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(62) The Notary forgot that the wife had to sign & then used white out to modify the documents!

(63) If you put a FedEx containing a cashier’s check in a drop box, that is a recipe for disaster!

(64) How do you document an Oath that has no accompanying documentation? #Notary #Journal

(65) The police caught the hit & run driver within 48 hours after the Notary chased them down & got a plate#
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(66) Our scary demand letter threatens to report the late paying signing co to the SOS, Attorney General, DA & more!

(67) I used to make my own permission to travel for minors form with blanks for dates, names & thumbprints!

(68) Mortgage terms are surprisingly similar to chiropractic terms. Do you know what an adjustment date is?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1070

(69) 1 day I called 200 people & 1 called me back. When I asked who he was, he told me I should know cuz I called him!
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(70) It is common for signing companies to pay on time, but then start paying late the minute they have financial problems.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=968

(71) Many notaries fear bad reviews as dangerous, but the real problem is not having any reviews!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=811

(72) Read real stories about four low-ball signing companies.

(73) The notary profession is easy to get into which means there’ll be lots of low priced competition!

(74) Many notaries just don’t answer their phone or email after a signing which can cause a nightmare.

(75) The signer could barely move her arm, so the daughter grabbed it, put a hen in her hand & moved the arm around!

(76) You could spend up to $3000 for a really good mobile office. Don’t forget to start w/an inverter!

(77) Many notaries miss half of their job offers because they refuse to answer the phone during a signing.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=443

(78) Some notaries save time by notarizing before the signer signs! This is illegal!

(79) Learn the finer points of journal entries: where credible witnesses sign, thumbprints & notes.

(80) One signer asked, “Are you allergic to cats or snakes?” What kind of signing is this going to be?

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