Once upon a time there was a mean judge who never gave jurors a break. Many of the jurors on his cases had hardships meaning that nobody could replace them at work or that they didn’t get paid for even one day of jury duty. He caused so much suffering to so many people and didn’t even care. But, one day his luck changed.
The judge woke up in the morning, went to the kitchen to find a little box of chocolates on the kitchen table with a note. The note said that some people needed his help in Mexico to decide on a disagreement between cartels. He would receive instructions later. Someone had picked the lock and quietly entered, turning off his high-end alarm system somehow and getting out without making a sound. Obviously the work of seasoned professionals.
The next day when the judge went to work he noticed some shady looking people walking slowly through the neighborhood. He called the police, but the police informed him that they were not in fact committing a crime, so they could do nothing. That night he got a phone calls from a man with a Mexican accent telling him that he should get up early tomorrow and await further instructions.
By this point the judge was terrified and called the police again. But, the police said that no crime had been committed and that there was no evidence of a break in and no fingerprints either.
The next day, the judge woke up to find his car was missing, but there was a brand new Cadillac SUV in his driveway with keys on his kitchen table. There were instructions to drive to a particular municipal airport and not to call the police, otherwise there would be trouble. Fearing for the safety of the wife and kids he did what the instructions said and drove to the airport. From there he was escorted onto a small plane that flew into Zacatecas province in Mexico.
He was to do a quick trial between the Zacatecas cartel and the Sinaloa cartel. They ad a disagreement over money that would lead to a huge shoot out if not resolved quickly. The cartel guys who hired him informed the judge that although this is inconvenient for him, it will greatly benefit society if he provides his service. The judge agreed although he didn’t want to be there.
The judge was given free hotel accommodations courtesy of his contact person Juan who was very polite to the judge. Meals were provided by Juan’s sister Carmelita who made the best tamales in Zacatecas. But, tamales were not for free. They charged the Judge 32 cents per Tamale. Juan explained that at court snack bars, the jurors are not there by choice, but at least they get snacks for a reasonable price so he would extend the same courtesy to the judge.
The next day, the judge was informed that the expert witness would be delayed and the that court case would be delayed for two weeks. No phone calls were allowed during this time. Finally, the witness showed up, and there was another delay because the Sinaloa cartel couldn’t show up. So, a few more days waiting time. After 17 days, finally they were ready for a trial. The judge listened to both sides of this crazy argument and worked out an agreement.
After that the judge asked why they wanted him of all people. They explained that they didn’t like Mexican judges because they were all corrupt and that they wanted a nice gringo judge. It took the judge five hours to work out their problems. Then they flew the judge back to Los Angeles, gave him his car back and left him alone.
The next day, there was a thank you present once again on the kitchen table with cash paying the judge $15 per day for his service — exactly what California jurors are paid for their service. He also got paid 34 cents per mile radius from his hotel to the court room plus mileage fees for the flight to Mexico which was paid for by Juan. $468.26 cents was what the judge got for his service.
Meanwhile the judge lost his job due to being absent. The judge’s wife left him because she was terrified and his own kids were not allowed to talk to him. All for $468.26. On the other hand, he probably single-handedly prevented dozens of people from being gunned down which makes it worth while in some way, shape or form.
The moral of the story is that jury duty can be very beneficial for society and justice, but it also causes severe problem to people’s lives, their bosses, customers and family. The courts think they can pay pennies for disrupting our lives, but they don’t seem to understand how much harm they exact on us for some benefit to society.
What to say and what not to say.
Notary Etiquette – what to say and what not to say
Politeness is hard to gauge in any society. In a social environment, if people don’t like your comments, they just won’t associate with you. But, in a business environment, you will lose valuable clients. Personally, I am the worst person to write this post, because I am notorious for saying the wrong thing at every given opportunity. On the other hand, maybe thats why I am the perfect person to write this article — I know what one has to lose by opening their mouth!
Being professional
Some people treat professionalism by being overly uptight, no fun, and addressing people as Mr Smith, and Mrs. Sutterfield. They never crack a joke, and never express an opinion. They will dress well, and get their job done, but were they a pleasure to deal with? Sometimes I really tune into this issue at the Japanese restaurant down the street.
The Japanese restaurant
Its less than two miles away — a Japanese restaurant so good, its worth walking a mile to get to. With the lack of parking, sometimes I do walk at least half a mile, and then wait to be seated. They are the best cooks, and are very professionally dressed in their black ninja outfits. Politeness is never an issue, but there are never opinions, and small talk is …. well… “small”. Then, a new guy started working there. He is ultra friendly and talkative while being extremely polte. We talk about every topic under the sun (not the rising sun). He can talk about any subject while being careful not to criticize others. Maybe he should be writing this blog entry!
Being friendly!
To get good reviews with the signing services, you need to be a pleasure to work with. Being human and friendly is part of the game — of course without sacrificing professionalism. I really want to get responses from this blog on what the notaries consider the “right amount” of being friendly. The trick is knowing what to talk about and how to talk about it. With me, I’ll quickly digress into some inappropriate political discussion: a big no-no. But, weather is a much safer bet. But, even weather can be controversial. Talking about rain is safe, but should you wait for the other person to bring up the subject of tsunamis just to be safe? If its me, I’ll even ruin the subject of weather by bringing in the concept that God is upset with humans and thats why we are having the tsumani. I’ll alienate borrowers even with the safest of topics. Maybe I should stick to hurricanes. At least with hurricanes I can blame the government for being neglegent about building levies, and leave God out of it!!!
Safe topics
Traffic is a safe topic, especially for me, since its clearly the fault of humans and not God’s wrath. But, what if you are late and talk about traffic. Then, its no longer fun conversation — its an excuse… There’s a no-no! Only talk about traffic if you are on time! If its me, I’ll ruin even a nice conversation about traffic, by blaming the government for keeping gas taxes so low. After that remark, even the socialists will outcaste me! But, its true — if gas were $7 per gallon, there wouldn’t be any traffic — ever!!!
Fashion – is it safe?
Fashion could go either way. It depends on whether the other person has the same tastes as you. But, sticking to more “universal” topics like where the best sales are for general items is relatively safe. Talking about general items is politically correct, but when it gets into tweed blazers, you are entering an area of sociological barriers. The professors will like the conversation, and everyone else will raise their eyebrows!
Guns and Religion?
Obama really blew it with this comment. Religion teaches peace, so how can religious people love guns so much? Do they want to fight for peace? Don’t talk about this at a signing! But, if you can pull off talking about what happened at church last week without alienating those of a different caste, creed or faith, I’ll be impressed. If you can make this type of conversation “universal” in nature, you are a professional at knowing what to say and how to say it. I would personally give you a reward!
Politics?
OHG… stay away!!! The most political statement you can get away with is how you bumped into Obama at the swimming pool. That will work. You can mention how he out swam you. I heard he keeps very fit!
If you follow these tips, you will be a more professional notary!
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