Jerry – Hey George, lets go get a bite to eat down the street.
George – Hey Jerry, I’d love to, but I have to go.
Jerry – Why? What’s the rush?
George – Ah… I gotta get something notarized.
Jerry – Notarized? Wow, that sounds important.
George – Oh, it’s nothing really, just some stuff for work…. I do it all the time.
Jerry – Work? You don’t have a job.
George – Well, I sort of do now. Gotta go.
———————————-
George – Hi, I brought the document…. and my ID. Here it is.
Notary – Great George, you’ve finally got your act together, no spending half an hour fumbling through your briefcase anymore.
George – Well, you live and you learn, hah!!!
Notary – So what kind of document do you have today?
George – It’s an affidavit that I agree to do some deliveries for my employer.
Notary – Deliveries, you’re moving up in the world.
( notary opens his journal )
George – Hey, what’s that, you notarized a document in Chinese? You don’t understand Chinese.
Notary – I can do that … hey! Why are you looking at my journal, you’re violating MY privacy. Do you mind?
George – Sorry, it’s just that you opened it and I couldn’t help noticing. It was in my “range of vision”, right?
Notary – Okay, please sign the document. Please raise your right hand. Higher… that’s good. Do you solemnly swear that you agree to the statement in this document?
George – I do.
Notary – Okay, here’s your Jurat.. Let me staple it.
George – Ummm… could you use the round seal.. I was just thinking.
Notary – This is the seal I use, okay? Hey, whose business is this anyway?
George – Okay… but, could you thumbprint me?
Notary – Thumbprint?
George – Yeah, you know… a journal thumbprint. I heard that was supposed to be good. You know.. Deter fraud.
Notary – I’m sorry, but you’re not… thumbprintworthy.
George – What? Not thumbprintworthy?
Notary – It’s running low on ink. I only have a dozen or so impressions left in the pad, I’m SAVING it for a Deed or something important.
George – Hey, I have people who can vouch for me. I’m thumbprintworthy baby!
( George calls Elaine )
George – Elaine – I’m at the notary, and I want him to thumbprint me, but he says I’m not thumbprintworthy?
Elaine – What? Not thumbprintworthy? I would thumbprint you any day. In fact. You are as thumbprintworthy as they come. Give the notary the phone…… Hello? Mr. Notary? I formally vouch for George — he is the most thumbprintworhty person that exists.
Notary – You and your friend are a lot of trouble. George — You’re BANNED!!!
George – Banned? You can’t ban me, you’re a PUBLIC notary, you are obligated to serve the public
Notary – How do you know that? Public Schmublic. You’re banned from my services. Pay me my fee…thats $10.. and get out!
George – Hey, look out the window!
Notary – What?
( George SWIPES the thumbprinter and leaves while the notary is looking out the window )
————————————————————————–
Kramer – Clarissa, Clarissa, how can I describe my love .. for you… oh… Clarissa.
Clarissa – I told you before, I don’t date guys from Brooklyn.
Kramer – But, wait a second, you think I’m from Brooklyn. No, no… you’ve got it all wrong. I’m from Manhattan. I just hang out at
a friend’s house there. He lets me use the house while he’s away. He gave me key privileges.
Clarissa – You expect me to believe that? Key priveleges. Nobody gives their key to anyone in New York, not even their own parents.
Kramer – Oh,… he gave me the key. My friends are like that. Look, I even have Jerry’s key. I go over there whenever I feel like it. You see, Jerry and I… we understand each other. And he’s cool about it too. He doesn’t even mind if I eat his FRITOS once in a while.
( phone rings )
Jerry – Hey Kramer
Kramer – Hi Jerry, how’s everything? I’m with Clarissa now.
Jerry – Oh…. Clarissa. I remember her (unenthusiastically). Hey, by any chance, you didn’t happen to have eaten any of my FRITOS, did you?
Kramer – Fritos, oh, yeah, I didn’t know you needed them.
Jerry – If I didn’t need them I wouldn’t buy them. You’re violating your key privileges. Keep this up. and I’ll de-key you.
Kramer – No… not that. I need my key.
Jerry – Well, I’m going to have to draw up a “covenant of the key.”
Kramer – A covenant? Nobody does that.
Jerry – They do now. Keep this up, and you will be in violation of … the covenant of the key!!!
( Jerry hangs up )
Kramer – Clarissa, Clarissa, what can I do to win your love.
Clarissa – Okay, you seem like a nice guy, so I’ll give you one chance. Get me a notarized affidavit stating that you live in Manhattan and give me your address. I’m leaving at 7pm for France, so get it to me by then!
Kramer – Anything for you.. my Clarissa.
————————————————————————————–
( Kramer calls George up.)
Kramer – George, you gotta help me. I’m in trouble, It’s urgent.
George – What, are you having appendicitis or something?
Kramer – No, its not a health emergency, its a … a LOVE emergency.
George – Oh… Love.
Kramer – Clarissa wants an affidavit saying that I live in Manhattan. She doesn’t believe me. You know that notary guy on the West side, right?
George – Oh, yeah, yeah.. But, um.
Kramer – What?
George – There’s a small problem.
Kramer – What?
George – I’ve been banned.
Kramer – Banned? No, you can’t be banned. You can’t be banned by a notary.
George – Oh yes, I’ve been banned.
Kramer – Well, he doesn’t know me, you gotta help me.
George – Okay, I’ll give you his number. But it’s 4pm now and he leaves at 5pm.
Kramer – I need to get it to Clarissa by 7pm… It’s … an emergency!
George – Okay … here’s the number. Call him now and make an appointment.
Kramer – Thanks … you’re wonderful.
——————————————————————–
( George drives Kramer to the appointment because there is no parking there )
Kramer – Hello, are you the notary?
Notary – Yeah, how did you hear about me?
Kramer – Oh, the yellow pages.
Notary – Yellow pages, eh.. Well I don’t advertise in the yellow pages. Only by word of mouth.
Kramer – Oh, maybe it’s the OTHER notary I found in the yellow pages.
Notary – Alright wise guy, what do you want?
Kramer – I need an affidavit notarized. Can you squeeze me in?
Notary – Okay. Be here at 4:15.
Kramer – Okay
——————————————————————-
(kramer arrives at the notary office)
Kramer – Hi, I’m Kramer
Notary – Paul…. let me see your ID.
Kramer – ID? I don’t think I brought it with me.
Notary – No ID, no notary, pal…
Kramer – Hold on, I think I left it in the car.
Notary – You got a parking place here? You must be a genius. Where did you park?
Kramer – I got lucky, I guess.
( Kramer runs down the stairs and comes back huffing and puffing with the ID )
Notary – I looked out the window. You didn’t park. You’re WITH someone.
Kramer – Oh, that’s just a friend.
Notary – Okay. Where’s the document
Kramer – Here it is.
Notary – An affidavit swearing that you live in Manhattan. What kind of a nut would want you to sign this?
Kramer – Oh, she’s a nut alright. You should see her.
Notary – I’ll pass.
Kramer – Hey, by the way, my friend usually has this done with a circular seal, do you have one?
Notary- (thinking out loud) Circular seal, didn’t the guy yesterday ask me for that?
Kramer – Oh, and could you … thumbprint me? I want it to look official.
Notary – Thumbprint? and circular seal, that sounds just like the last guy… WHO GOT BANNED! George was his name. It’s right here on the previous page. George Costanza. You know George.
Kramer – No really, I don’t know him.
Notary – Yes you do… He’s the one waiting for you in the car.
Kramer – No he’s not.
Notary – I’m going down, I want to see for myself.
( Kramer and notary go downstairs )
( Kramer motions to George to go and makes a motion near his throat )
( George shrugs his shoulders in confusion – then George sees the notary and bolts )
Notary – So it is George.
Kramer – I don’t know who that is. You didn’t even see him
( Kramer’s phone rings – the notary grabs the phone )
George – Kramer, he saw me.
Notary – AHA! It’s me. You’re the guy that got banned.. Well now your friend is banned too!
Notary – and YOU took my thumbprinter, it’s been missing ever since you were here last. Give it back!
Kramer – No… no…now what am I going to do.
——————————————————————————-
( Kramer and George drive off )
Kramer – Now what am I going to do. It’s 5pm and everyone is closed. Do you know any late night notaries?
George – Yeah, but you’re not going to like this. He’s in Brooklyn.
Kramer – That doesn’t matter.
George – Okay, let’s go.
—————————————————————————-
Brooklyn Notary – Hi-ya fellows. How’s everything?
Kramer – Its been a long day.
Brooklyn Notary – Why? What happened?
Kramer – What didn’t happen? Listen I need this form notarized. You wouldn’t happen to have a thumbprinter, would you?
Brooklyn Notary – Well, actually, mine just ran out of ink. I got a bit carried away, and used it on people who were not… well you know.
George – Say it, say it…. thumbprintworthy.
Brooklyn Notary – Well, I never thought of it like that.
George – You would never believe this, but I happen to have .. a thumbprinter!
Brooklyn Notary – where did you get this?
George – From a friend.
Brooklyn Notary – Great. Just give me the document.
Kramer – Here’s my ID.
Brooklyn Notary – It’s okay, I know your friend, that’s good enough for me.
Kramer – But, the law… you gotta have an ID.. I want this to be legit!
Brooklyn Notary – yeah yeah sure sure. I’ll put this all in the journal.
Kramer – Can you do the thumbprint now?
Brooklyn Notary – Sure… Here you go. Your Jurat … Notarized and all.
Kramer – How can I ever thank you.
Brooklyn Notary – It’s nothing.
———————————————————————————-
( Kramer and George drive back over the bridge, battling traffic, and make it to Clarissa’s house by 6:55 )
Kramer – Clarissa, my love. Here it is.
Clarissa – Oh, I’m so touched, so you really do love me!
Kramer – You don’t know what I had to do to get this.
Clarissa – Oh Kramer, I ….. LOVE ….. ( she glances at the document )
Clarissa – KINGS County?… wait a second. If you live in Manhattan, why would you get it notarized in Kings County? That’s Brooklyn.
Kramer – It says Kings County on it?
George – Yeah, you see, this is the Venue, and on the Venue it says Kings County. That just means where it got done. It doesn’t matter. You live in Manhattan.
Clarissa – We’re through. I’m leaving. I’ll send you a postcard from Paris.
Clarissa – Hasta la Au Revoir – Baby
————————————————————————————
Kramer – No, no, no…. it’s all because you got banned. How did you? .. Oh…It’s the thumbprinter. He banned you because you took his thumbprinter.
George – No Kramer, that happened after he banned me. I swiped it while he wasn’t looking.
Kramer – No, it’s the thumbpriner, you got us all in trouble.
Kramer – I have an idea. You can give it back to him and get him a new one, then he’ll be back on good terms with you.
George – You’re crazy.
Kramer – I insist. I need a good notary in Manhattan. He’s close. You gotta do it.
———————————————————————————
( George and Kramer go buy a thumb printer and go back to the Notary – he is there late at the office )
George – I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. This thumb printer somehow got shuffled up with my stuff and I didn’t even realize… Silly me.
Notary – My thumbprinter, it’s back…. I needed you…. Oh thank you..HOW COULD YOU!
George – It was an accident.
Notary – And you contaminated it with your germs. Now it’s tainted.
George – Now wait a minute, it’s a thumbprinter, its job is to be touched by OTHER PEOPLE’s Thumbs.
Notary – You used it, didn’t you.
George – Listen, we felt so bad, we went all the way to an office supply store and got you a brand new one.
Notary – Thank you… I’m touched…
George – Now can you notarize my friend. I’ll pay you double
Notary – Sure, come by any time.
( The Notary notarizes Kramer with the rectangular seal… not the circular one… and thumbprints him )
Kramer – Thank you so much…. Now my document is legit and has New York County on the venue. Clarissa will come back to me… My Clarissa.
————————————————————-
( Kramer and George leave )
Notary – That’s funny, the ink doesn’t come off. I must have gotten some ink on my thumb when I thumbprinted Kramer. And it got on my shirt. My shirt is ruined. And it’s on my table too.
—————————————————————-
(Kramer calls Clarissa… she is at the airport and her flight delayed.)
Kramer – Clarissa, I got it renotarized by a notary in New York County in Manhattan in my neighborhood.
Clarissa – I’m still at the airport, I’ll be here until 11. Get it to me.
Kramer – Okay.
(Kramer and George drive to the airport and get there at 9pm.)
Kramer – Here it is. Notarized in Manhattan. West 88th Street!
Clarissa – Wow, you really do love me. I will date you after all. Give me a hug.
( Kramer and Clarissa hug good by )
Clarissa – I’ll see you when I get back.
——————————————————————
( the plane takes off. Clarissa goes to the bathroom and comes back )
Clarissa – Hm, thats funny, there is ink on the back of my chair. Do you see ink?
Flight attendant – Hm, that does look like ink. Have you been thumbprinted recently?
Clarissa – No, why would I be thumbprinted?
Flight attendant – You know, when you go to a notary. You get thumbprinted. You must have forgotten to wash off the ink.
Clarissa – I was never notarized…. wait a second…. When Kramer hugged me, he put his thumbs on the back of my blouse and that got on the chair. Does my blouse have ink on it?
Flight attendant – Yes it does. You’ll have to bleach that a few times.
Clarissa – No!!!
( Clarissa gets to Paris and calls Kramer )
Clarissa – Nous sommes finit!!! We are over!!!
Kramer – What????
>
Notary is pushed off stairs by borrower!
Well, I thought I had heard it all. I hear a lot of wonderful, interesting tales here at 123 from our members. Some are entertaining and funny while others are very sad and depressing. This, unfortunately is one of these stories and unfortunately it is the worst to date. It is nothing short of horrendous and shameful. Although I have her permission to tell her story, I promised her I would not reveal her or the area she lives in. So, here we go…
This particular notary public who is female took a signing from a signing company, she confirmed her appointment, prepared her docs and met her borrower at the the specified time. As she went through the documents, he saw that his interest rate was 1/2 percent more than he had been told. He then became enraged. He requested (using vulgarity) that she leave his home immediately. She packed up her things up and prepared to leave the premises. As she proceeded to the door the borrower followed, continuing to rant and rave using foul language incessantly. He was VERY angry with this 1/2 of a percent increase that nobody had bothered to inform him of (sadly, a story we all are familiar with and have heard many times) and, to top it to make matters even worse off, the loan officer had not been in contact with him and had been unreachable for several days.
So, as she walked out of the door onto his front porch. There were 4 steps to go down to the walkway that would lead to her car… But, before she could take that first step — with the force of both of his hands on her shoulders he pushed her down and off the porch. She went flying off the porch, and by the grace of God she somehow pivoted her body onto the grass instead of his cemented walkway that was directly in front of her but unfortunately in trying to break her fall she broke her left wrist. In disbelief and shock she just laid there. The borrower went back into the house and shut and locked his door. However, fortunately for her, the borrower’s neighbor who was mowing his lawn at the time witnessed the whole thing. He called out to his wife to call the police and the paramedics and he came to her aid and sat with her until they arrived. (A knight in shining armor). The paramedics attended to her and after the police got the story from both the notary and the neighbor one of the officers went to the door of the borrower , rang the bell and the borrower did not answer. At that point the officer yelled out to him to open the door or else. He did eventually open the door, and then was immediately handcuffed and placed under arrest and was put in the back of the police car.
Now folks get this — as the paramedics worked on our notary public to prepare her for the trip to the hospital and the police filled out their report the borrower (hand cuffed in the back seat of the police car) was still ranting and raving non stop with vulgarities that they (the police and paramedics) needed to get this you know what off his grass and property. One of the police officers obviously fed up with this behavior as well as the noise went over to the borrower and told him that he needed to shut up and slammed the car door. He then asked the neighbor if this behavior was characteristic of this man. The neighbor and the wife just looked at each other and nodded yes… I just cant believe this man and his behavior, I am still in awe of all of it.
The paramedics said that if she had fallen onto the concrete instead of the grass she would have broken both wrists and god knows what else in the process. All things considered she was lucky-it could have been way worse.
She ended up staying in the hospital of 4-5 days instead of the day and half she was originally told due to an infection she developed in her wrist.
Now it is 1 month later and she is finally back to work. She is healing well I asked her how she felt about her career now (she is a full time signing agent) and if she felt like giving it up…and she said no way. She says she loves her job and knew this was just something that happened. Kudos to her! She and DA have filed charges and he has 3 counts against him and there will be a civil suit as well. I hope he gets ALL that is coming to him….I say throw the book at him.
Now, of course the signing service that gave her the assignment wants to know why the loan wasn’t closed. Well get this; When she called in to tell them what had happened from the hospital — the person on the other end of the line laughed and said “you could have come up with a better excuse than that”. So, in order to clear her name she had to send in the police report, hospital records etc….( and yes she did manage to call the day of the signing)
So, all of this leaves me with a few thoughts. I really feel that this could have been avoided if the loan officer had done his job. This is so often the case where the loan officer knows exactly what the numbers are way ahead of time but avoids sharing this information with the borrowers and we go out at the final hour when they know these borrowers are desperate and for the most part are stuck and cant turn back now, and they regrettably just sign. And we get stuck in middle — and in this case — pushed down a flight of stairs. Now some of you will disagree and put up a fuss but this is why when I call and confirm with the borrowers I ask them has the loan officer been in touch and have they gone over the figures with them. If the answer is yes then I ask them what are the numbers supposed to be. This way if the number con-inside with what I see, we are good. If not, I can alert the hiring party that we have a problem before I waste the borrowers time or MINE. I can avoid problems at the table-situations like the one I just described to you here. (aLthough it is rare and the first time I have heard such of a thing happing it is now a reality that it is possible). This technique does not always work but it is sure worth a try. And it might save you some trouble. I have been doing it for years. Now I know some of you will chew my head off about this technique of mine but this is my business and I run it as I see fit-just as you will run yours as you see fit. But, remember this is for the most part why are economy is shot…to many lies and games being played in the refinance word, and we are usually abandoned and stuck in the middle.
Now, most of you know I preach about your worth and the fees that you charge — this story just reinforces my feeling that you need to be paid what you are worth. I know this is an extreme case but we stick out necks out every time we take an assignment. We NEVER know where our notary public assignments will take us or what we will have to deal with when we get there. We deal with bad attitudes, late documents, traffic, bad neighborhoods, filthy homes, terrible smells, pets, incompetence, etc., and sometimes bad people. So my point is you need to be paid what you are worth. If you continue accepting these low fees that they are offering nowadays not only do you hurt yourself you hurt all of us: the notary community as a whole…..Now in this case a higher fee would not have stopped his unthinkable behavior but I feel that because we deal with so much adversity in this business we need to have our pay more in line with our efforts and the things that we are subjected too. For me, without fair compensation this profession is just not worth the effort or trouble.
Until next time!! BE SAFE!!
Written by Carmen Towles
You might also like:
Part 2 of Notary is pushed of stairs – the sequel!
Power of Attorney at a nursing home
Why notaries don’t last