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January 7, 2011

Notary RV Park

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 7:15 am

We wrote a few other articles on the theme of Notary Hotel which were very popular. But, what about taking this concept and exploring more angles.

Notary RV Park
I just went to the Notary RV Park. What I have learned is that it is part of a chain of nationwide RV parks catering to retired Notaries. One elderly couple said they were traveling all throughout the country doing signings at ever stop along the way to finance their trip. I was not sure if that was legal or not since you have to be commissioned by whichever state you reside or practice in — but, they didn’t seem to be bothered. They were having a blast. They would go from one Notary RV park to the next and do a signing or two at every stop. Then, they would grill some hot dogs and have some fruit and veggies for dinner. What a lifestyle. Each Notary RV park has a repairman available to fix your printer, laptop or any other mobile office equipment 24/7. What a concept.

Book Online
Book your stay at the Notary Hotel on Expedia. Book online. Wouldn’t it be great if you could book a stay at the Notary Hotel right on 123notary? What if you had a far away notary job 120 miles away that you needed to be at by 9pm and didn’t want to drive all the way home. The Notary Hotel would be perfect. Instead of having a key, just enter your commission number on a keypad, submit a thumbprint, and you can automatically get into your room.

Historical Notary Hotels
On a brighter note, there are Historical Notary Hotels as well. Old Jedadiah used to run the Nevada City Notary Hotel back in the old days when it used to be a temporary home for gold miners and ladies of ill-repute. They did up the place real nice with pictures of life back in the old days. Now it is a respectable place for decent notaries to spend the night during times when they would be traveling a lot. If you want to know the history of Jedadiah’s place and how it became one of the original Notary Hotels back in the late 1800’s, it used to be a place where you could get claims to gold mines notarized in the tea room next to the lobby. Of course in those days, they laced their tea with plenty of whisky and other spirits. And after the signings, Lucy and the other bar girls would entertain you.

Vegas style Notary Hotels
Then in Vegas, they build a huge Notary hotel with 2000 rooms, a buffet, and more. But, they had a better offer for the land, so they imploded the entire building after only six years.

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You might also like:

A scene from the minion loan signing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15846

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January 6, 2011

Your jumbled or too short notes section is costing you 50% of your business

Filed under: Popular on Facebook (shares),Your Notes Section — Tags: , — admin @ 10:42 pm

Notaries just don’t get it. They think that 123notary is a magic service. All they have to do is pay us some money and they will be rolling in jobs. They also have to follow our advice if they expect to get anywhere. Get reviews on your listing, pass our test, and for God’s sake, fill in your notes section. Below are some common problems with people’s notes sections.

1. Omitted
Many Notaries just don’t get around to filling in their notes or claim that they have nothing to say. Say something for God’s sake. Talk about your radius, professional background, types of documents or loans you are familiar with, or your personal style doing business.

2. Jumbled
Most Notaries write a long paragraph that includes their name, equipment, a few adjectives about how great they are, hours, counties and anything else they can think of. This is a disorganized mess and it means that your brain is a disorganized mess. Clean up your act and divide your notes section into logical paragraphs and keep it easy to read and formatted in an attractive way.

3. Fluff
Most Notaries tell you lots of fluff about themself that any other Notary would claim. Claiming it doesn’t make it true, and those reading your notes are tired of seeing the same old claims thousands of times in a row only to find out that the claims are very rarely true. I am professional, reliable, responsible, accurate, etc. are claims that won’t get you anywhere. Being experienced helps, but reliable counts against you. The most unreliable and unskilled Notaries are the first ones to claim to be reliable — think about that. Notaries that actually have merit talk about specific types of loans they sign, specific Title companies they are on the white glove list for, and specifics about what they do to get your job done. Facts — not fluff please unless you are in the pillow business!

4. TMI
Too much information can also be bad. If you are experienced with two hundred types of documents, it might not be a good idea to list them all. I would not list more than twenty, unless you have a link to your web site where you can list them all. Listing 500 zip codes also creates a mess on your profile and on my site. Please don’t do this. Keep the right amount of information and keep it straight.

5. Misinformation
Some people claim to speak Spanish when in fact they cannot get through a loan in Spanish. If you claim to know a language and put it in the language box, do NOT do so unless you know enough to get through a signing. This will involve understanding a lot of Mortgage and Legal terms which are not always known to the layperson, and you might not know from hanging out with Aunty Consuela who talks to you in Spanish about issues concerning daily life, your kids, your husband, your cooking (and how you added too much salt yesterday,) etc.

6. Omissions of quick & good content
Popular things to add that are typically not added in notes sections include:
Radius — those reading your profile would lose to know your radius.
Last minute assignments — since many are looking for you to jump and run, saying up top that you do last minute is good.
Equipment — Don’t write a novel on this, but some quick pointers on what you have might help.
Languages — Add this
Loan Types — a comprehensive list of loan types helps a lot. Don’t leave any out.

7. Rambling
Going on and on about how you put the client first and how you keep things confidential and you value professionalism to the utmost is using lots of words to say basically nothing. Be informative in what you say, and make sure the reader can put their finger on what you really mean rather than just rambling.

8. Education
You can mention all of the agencies you are certified by or background screened. Any designation is good. The more the merrier.

9. Keep your notes updated regularly
We keep track of how often you update your notes. Many people have had the same information for five years and we don’t like that. Login and brush things up from time to time.

10. Mistakes
Don’t make spelling mistakes as people will refuse to hire you based on that. Title companies assume that if you make a spelling mistake you will also make a mistake with their loan which is a reasonable assumption.

11. Ask for help
We help people with their notes. We make quick commentaries and can tidy things up. We can’t write it for you, but we can rearrange your notes or clean them up.

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You might also like:

How to write a notes section if you are a beginner
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16698

2014 excerpts from great notes sections
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13613

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Multi-State Rider

Filed under: (4) Documents — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:30 am

There are many types of Multi-State Riders. Multi-State Riders can be used in any state, or if the borrower owns property in one state and lives in another state. There are Multi-State Condominium Riders, Multi-State Adjustable Rate Riders. This type of document typically goes over the terms and conditions of a loan on a condominium.

More information
https://www.fanniemae.com/singlefamily/riders-addenda

http://www.mortgage-a.com/multi_state_condominium_rider.htm

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The curse of the Notary mummy

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:28 am

A few years back, and Egyptologist went to Giza to do some research one some new findings. There were mummies buried in a chamber far deeper in the pyramid that had never been discovered before. The maps of the interior of the pyramid did not include this room and it was discovered using sound technology. The sound technology spotted (perhaps heard would be a better word since it is sound technology) a hollow area far within the ten thousand year old pyramid.

The historian was from America and was very logical. He didn’t believe in curses. After all, we all know that couldn’t possibly be real. So, he ignored the warnings from his Egyptian colleagues and went into the chamber — alone!!! He discovered all types of artifacts and encrypted messages written in hyroglyphics on the wall. It reminded him of his last trip to Hunan Garden where the bill was written in hyroglypics. There was a bird character, some people walking like Egyptians pointing their hands forward, a paper, and then a notary seal. Oh my God. Our historian had discovered an ancient Egyptian Notary Public.

Then he looked further. There were pictographs of the king asking him to administer an Oath. But the Notary said, “Sorry, my state doesn’t require Oaths.” Maybe that’s how the Notary died. He was so poorly trained, that the king or Pharoah had him put to death to teach a lesson to the other Notaries. The other Notaries said, “That’s so unfair—o!” In any case, the Notary must have either been high ranking in the dynasty he lived in or have been from a prominent family to be mummified. Enbalming don’t come cheap, and neither does space in a pyramid. I tried looking up rooms in pyramids on Craig’s list and the prices were astronomical.

In any case, this dumb Egyptologist took the liberty to open the casket and try to move the mummy. Immediately his lamp flickered, his electronic devices suddenly failed. He was all alone, in the dark and screamed — help!!!! Luckily, he was able to feel his way out of the room, down the hall and to his awaiting comrades who were down the hall. His colleagues warned him that terrible things would happen because of what he had done, but he didn’t believe them. After all, this was just a coincidence, right?

Nothing bad happened to that historian. However, many people working for signing companies who don’t pay Notaries reported having dreams of mummies coming unenbalmed following them around. Perhaps the mummy in question did not get paid by ancient Egyptian signing companies and wanted revenge on signing companies, but not on archeologists (hmm). One reported that it was hard to breath and felt something pressing on her chest. Another felt something touching her at night that wasn’t there. Finally the signing companies started to talk to each other. They decided they were being haunted by the spirit of the Notary mummy. Something had to be done. So, finally after a few years of discussions and talking to people in Cairo, they decided to have someone go back into that pyramid into the forbidding chamber and close that casket once and for all.

But, the person chosen to close the casket decided that the mummy would feel much happier if he put a Notary journal in the casket with him to take to the afterlife. They put the journal in, closed the casket, and moved it back to where it had originally been. Then the dreams continued. The mummy said, “My state doesn’t require journals!” People in five different signing companies had this dream.

Finally, they called a Shaman in to solve this for good. The Shaman had a clever plan. He had someone imposter the mummy’s Notary seal, and the mummy’s spirit was called into Notary Court in heaven. The judge asked for evidence of the transaction that the notary allegedly notarized. The Notary explained that his state didn’t require a journal. The judge sentenced him to 100 years in spirit jail. Kind of a harsh sentence, but the bad dreams stopped, and everyone was happy. The Shaman made out well as he got free notary service for life and after-life which was all fine and dandy until he asked for an Oath and the notary said, “Sorry, my state doesn’t require Oaths. Then the Shaman looked up their state handbook, found out that they do indeed do Oaths in the Notary’s state, reported the Notary to the Secretary of State, and the Notary got busted.

To be safe, the shaman decided to put some ancient egyptian money in the casket where the mummy with a note in hyroglyphics that said it was from that ancient Egyptian company that never paid him. The note said — payment plus 3000 years worth of interest.

And so ends the saga of the Notary mummy.
The moral of the story is — never trust a dead Notary who doesn’t keep a journal.

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A Notary finds a document notarized by Jeremy in 2001

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:11 am

How bizarre. I got an email from a Notary on our database who lives in the Los Angeles area. She claims that she came across a document that I notarized back in 2001. It was a Deed of Trust for 4811 South Alamada (Alameda?) Partnership. That was a long time ago. I don’t remember the signer who’s name was Hannah Kelly. I filled up about 50 Notary journals during my career mostly with loan signings.

The signings I do remember were for a guy in jail who blew up his apartment experimenting with explosives. I also Notarized his jurors as a matter of coincidence. I remember doing 40 sets of fingerprints in Pico Rivera for a room of people mostly from Puebla Mexico. I remember an Attorney in Arcadia who had really long Health Directives for middle aged Chinese families who were thinking ahead. I remember a signing in South Central at a hospital where they made me wait forever while they slowly filled out their power of attorney forms and then the lady asked, “Do you like your job?” I told her that she was supposed to have her documents ready BEFORE she called me. I really enjoy scolding people who disrespect other people’s time.

I remember driving to Hemet, Victorville, and Santa Clarita for a Settlement Agent named Emily who gave me steady work. I remember a Real Estate agent who had endless Grant Deeds to sign. That’s about it from my eight year career. Most of my signers were boring as hell, but I had a handful of memorable ones. Jail signings were the most interesting.

Also read: What are Jeremy’s favorite blog entries?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18837

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Alice in Notary Wonderland

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:41 am

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Alice C Butterfield. Little Alice loved to wander around her rich Aunt’s palacial estate. But, she had a habit of sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. Alice would always criticize people for doing the wrong thing. Her aunt didn’t signal a turn once. Alice could not keep her mouth shut and pointed it out. Her uncle Fred inflated a deduction on his taxes which Alice pointed out. How could a nine year old girl know so much about taxes. I guess curiousity knows no bounds.

Alice was sitting near the river with her sister reading a dull book with no pictures. Then, she noticed a rabbit wearing a top coat. She follows the rabbit down a hole, and then falls a very long way down. When she hits bottom she is in a room with many locked doors. But, there is a small bottle on the table with a small note saying, “drink me.” She drinks the contents of the bottle and then shrinks to a very small size.

Then, she saw a small document sitting on the table that she didn’t notice before that says, “notarize me.” Next to the document, there was a small stamp as well. Since Alice was a bookworm, she was well acquainted with the responsibilities of a Notary Public. She knew that a signer would have to appear before her that would produce identification. But, around there, the signer might be an animal wearing human clothing. So, Alice waited and waited, hoping for her signer to come by. After what seemed like a very long time there was a knock on the door. But, which door. There were dozens of doors, each one a different size. There were doors on the ceiling, doors on the floors, walls, and everywhere you looked. There were even doors within doors within doors. Then she heard a voice. “Over here!”

Alice opened a little door and a little mouse with a walking stick appeared. “I’ve been trying to get notarized for years, but can never find a Notary my size. Then, I heard that someone shrunk you and that you could do the job. Can you Notarize me?” Alice replied, “But, I’m not commissioned in the United Kingdom.” Then the mouse explained that in their jurisdiction, any human could execute Notary functions providing they checked ID. So, Alice checked the mouse’s ID and it read, Edgar J Mouse. Alice Notarized him. Then Alice asked, “How will you pay me for my services?” The mouse replied, “Here, I brought you some cheese I stole from a mousetrap.”

Alice ate the cheese. And then she started growing and growing and growing until her head hit the ceiling. “Curiouser and curiouser”, exclaimed Alice. Then, Alice swam down a river of her own tears. She was so sad that she shrank and then grew and didn’t know where she was. So, she swam until she found that little mouse giving a lecture on William the Conqueror.

Alice met a caterpillar who said, “Explain yourself.” Alice said that she couldn’t explain herself because she wasn’t herself. Then the caterpillar said, “Well, what self does your ID say you are? Alice replied, “Alice Butterfield, but I’m really Alice C Butterfield.” Then the caterpillar said, “If you were really Alice C Butterfield, then your ID would reflect that name. It’s time to make a visit to the DMV not isn’t it?”

Alice wandered on until she saw a Cheshire cat that directed her to March Hare’s house. Alice continued on her aimless journey until she became the guest at a mad tea party along with the Hare.

MARCH HARE: Notarize this signature

ALICE: But, this is a blank document with you signature. It wasn’t very civil of you to ask me to notarize something that doesn’t even exist!

MARCH HARE: Well, it wasn’t very civil of you to invite yourself to our tea party at our table.

ALICE: I didn’t know it was your table.

MARCH HARE: Do you say what you mean?

ALICE: Well, I mean what I say.

MARCH HARE: Well then notarize my signature for today’s date. Does your watch have the date?

ALICE: Well no.

MARCH HARE: How about the year?

ALICE: Well the year doesn’t change too quickly so it doesn’t need to tell the year.

MARCH HARE: I think the year just changed. There it goes again. Notarize me for 1899.

ALICE: Why 1899?

MARCH HARE: Why not? Every year is the same around here. Why should it make a difference. That’s why we don’t hurry. Time doesn’t matter.

ALICE: But, time does matter. You have to beat time.

MARCH HARE: Time might not take to kindly if you beat it, but hurry up before it turns 1901. I want to be notarized this century.

ALICE: How can the year change multiple times within the time-frame of one afternoon?

Then Alice found a tree with a door in it. She went through the door and into a long hall. She ended up at a palace run by a very angry queen.

QUEEN: Who are you?

ALICE: I am Alice.

QUEEN: What I mean is what does it say on your commission?

ALICE: Alice C Butterfield, but my ID only says Alice Butterfield.

QUEEN: Nonsense! And when is our commission expiration date?

ALICE: 1897, but now it is 1901.

QUEEN: Actually it was 1901 a few hours ago, now it is 1905. It will continue being 1905 until sunset and then tomorrow morning it will be 1896 which will give you a few days to complete any necessary notarizations.

ALICE: But, I thought time always moved forwards.

QUEEN: Why should it. Do you always move forwards?

ALICE: Hmm, I never thought about it like that.

QUEEN: Well I don’t like your middle name. Off with your middle initial.

KING: But, she is just a child.

QUEEN: I hate C’s. They are so mediocre. And off with their heads — of the gardeners. They fowled up my rose bush. It took years to grow it and then it shrank. Hmm. Perhaps because time moved backwards. Here is my signature. Study it intently, and then notarize it.

CAT: So, how do you like the queen’s signature

ALICE: Well actually, not at all. It’s extremely (noticing that the queen was right behind her) — likely to win.

EXECUTIONER: I can’t cut off a head unless it has a body attached to it.

ALICE: And what if you cut off the wrong head? Shouldn’t you check the ID?

QUEEN: The ID of the head or the ID of the body?

CAT: Is there more than one? (grinning)

ALICE: And what if the ID expired, after all it must be 1910 by now and the DMV has ID’s expire after only four years in England these days.

QUEEN: Yes, but if the ID shows a physical likeness, then it should be okay.

ALICE: To make sure the ID isn’t fake, you could ask them what their date of birth is and then confirm the date with teh ID.

QUEEN: You are a crafty one aren’t you.

ALICE: Besides, beheading someone is so extreme. Why not just cut off part of their name, initial, or a Jr. or Sr. at the end of their name. That will teach them a lesson.

QUEEN: Yes, I rather like that. John W. Smith will have to live the rest of his life being John Smith. I like this. That is much more fun than beheading someone. Off with their initials!

ALICE: But, you shouldn’t remove an initial without a porpoise.

QUEEN: Well we shall have that decided in court.

(in court)

RABBIT: I submit my evidence that the gardner did not submit evidence that he ruined the rose bushes. Someone wrote a statement about the rose bushes, but it wasn’t signed.

ALICE: Yes, if it wasn’t signed, then how will we know who wrote it.

QUEEN: Well, as long as my roses are ruined, what difference does it make?

CHESHIRE CAT: Perhaps we should do a handwriting analysis.

KNAVE: We could go back into time and have him sign it. Time is supposed to roll back tonight.

ALICE: But, there’s no meaning in this.

KING: So, if there is no meaning, then why look for a meaning?

(later that night)

ALICE: If you sign this document, they will know you ruined the rose bushes

GARDENER: Yes, but now that time has rolled back, I can change my statement and then sign it.

ALICE: That is a good idea. And it will be 1897 after midnight, so my commission will be in effect then.

GARDENER: Here is my statement and my signature. Please notarize it.

ALICE: Gladly. But, the stamp I am using is one I used when I was two inches tall.

GARDENER: That’s no problem. I’ll just make my signature extra small to match. Here.

ALICE: I’ll deliver this to the queen in the morning.

QUEEN: Yes, the statement is excellent. He did not ruin my roses, or so he claims. But, that poses a new problem. Who shall I behead?

SISTER: Wake up Alice

ALICE: Oh, I have had such a curious dream. There was this mad queen who went around beheading people and a cat, and a lizard, plus a March Hare. But, none of it was real.

SISTER: What is that in your pocket? It seems to be leaking a black fluid…

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Notary Happy Days goes to China
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16536

The Towles Booth
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9456

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Two & a half notaries – learning the ropes

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , — admin @ 6:32 am

2 and a half notaries – learning the ropes
Disclaimer: The content in this dialogue may not be suitable for children or people who have any semblance of values, morals, or decency.

Charlie goes to a hot notary

NOTARY #1: Is it your first time? I’ll go easy on you.

CHARLIE: I’ve been notarized before. It was just such a long time ago.

NOTARY #1: Some people say that getting notarized is like riding a bike. You never forget how!

CHARLIE: Wish I could forget that and remember why I had “I love you, Ellen” tattooed on my leg.

NOTARY #1: If I didn’t notarize it, you don’t officially have to love her.

Then, Charlie goes to another notary to pick up some technique so he could impress the first notary. But, it was someone Charlie had been with before.

CHARLIE: I didn’t recognize you in that outfit,…or any outfit.

NOTARY #2 : Is that an embosser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

CHARLIE: Samantha? No — Julie.

NOTARY #2: Boy, you have the worst memory I’ve ever seen.

CHARLIE: Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t be having this problem. I’d just ask for ID.

JAKE: Just out of curiosity, do notarizations have climaxes? You know, when you get to the ape of the notarization?

ALAN: You mean the ape-x, right?

JAKE: Yeah, that too.

NOTARY #2: It kind of does. The most critical part of the notarization is when the signer signs the journal.

JAKE: You mean that signing the document isn’t the most important part?

NOTARY #2: It’s important, but that can be done before the notarization.

JAKE: Oh, so it’s kind of like what I do before I leave the house if I’m going out with Jillian.

CHARLIE: I’m sure it’s exactly like that. Well, I want to learn the ropes over here. How does a notarization start?

NOTARY #2: it all starts by someone coming to the notary and telling the notary what they want.

JAKE: Oh — and do they need to tell the notary how they want it too?

NOTARY #2: Something like that. For legal purposes, the notary is prohibited from deciding or recommending what type of notary act to do for a particular document or signature. That is entirely up to the signer and their Attorney.
ALAN: So, let’s say I need a notarization. How do I ask for what I want?

CHARLIE: With you, you’re notorious for not knowing how to ask for what you want, that’s why you’re where you are in life.

ALAN: I want you to take that back.

CHARLIE: Oh sure, NOW you ask for what you want.

NOTARY #2: A client could come and they want an acknowledgment for their signature.

JAKE: Oh, I acknowledge you. Do I ever!

CHARLIE: Don’t mind him — he came with the house.

NOTARY #2: I see. Well, a client could also ask for a Jurat which requires a sworn Oath and must be signed in the presence of the notary.

CHARLIE: Well, let’s practice. I’ll be the client, and you can be the Notary. Sounds like a bad porn scene. What am I saying? There are no bad porn scenes. Wait a second, I have some paper in my den.

(2 minutes later)

NOTARY #2: Okay, and you signed this document?

CHARLIE: Yeah, that’s my signature. You probably want to ID me too.

NOTARY #2: Funny you should ask. Hmmm. It seems that your demented signature actually matches the demented signature on the ID.

CHARLIE: I think of it as more of a doctors’ signature, without the hassle of med school.

NOTARY #2: I’ve seen doctors’ signatures hundreds of times, and this doesn’t look a bit like a doctor’s signature. It looks more like one I got doing a notarization at an AA meeting.

JAKE: Well, maybe it was a doctor who had a little too much to drink because he got stressed out in surgery.

NOTARY #2: Now, I’m going to need you to sign my book.

CHARLIE: Well, you can bring your book right over (patting the table lightly)

NOTARY #2: Okay, sign away… Hey wait a second. Your signature looks sober now. What happened?

CHARLIE: Don’t ask me (slurring…)

NOTARY #2: I’m going to fill in the wording and seal this certificate, staple it to this Affidavit of testing document.

JAKE: Who was taking a test?

CHARLIE: Jessica agreed to take a test to make sure she didn’t have… never mind.

ALAN: Pay no attention to him.

NOTARY #2: And we’re done.

Charlie starts seeing one of the notaries regularly, and then gets caught seeing another notary.

NOTARY #1: I just love being with you. I feel like we are soul mates. Do you believe in soul mates?

CHARLIE: If they look good in my jacuzzi, then yeah. I could believe in soul mates.

NOTARY #1: The way I look at it, your jacuzzi looks good around me.

CHARLIE: With you in the Jacuzzi, no wonder it’s hot.

NOTARY #1: By the way. I noticed you talking to that other notary.

CHARLIE: Oh her? I was just learning a little technique from her to impress you.

NOTARY #1: What kind of technique?

CHARLIE: Y’know. Notary stuff. Presiding over deeds.

NOTARY #1: Dirty deeds? Are you two-timing me?

CHARLIE: Two-timing you? Don’t be silly. One-timing you, absolutely. By the second time, I’m a little spent.

NOTARY #1: You know what I mean! You’re cheating on me.

CHARLIE: No no, it’s nothing like that. We were just notarizing a document. Nothing more.

NOTARY #1: Well, did she use her seal?

CHARLIE: Well, yeah.

NOTARY #1 slaps him.

CHARLIE: Would it help if I told you her commission expired?

NOTARY #1: You and I are expired.

She leaves. Charlie goes back to Notary #2.

CHARLIE: Hi, Samantha

NOTARY #2: So, you’ve finally figured out my name now. I go by Sam actually.

CHARLIE: Well, I go by Char. Just kidding. I wanted to learn more about notary work. I wanted to do some role play, and I could be the notary.

NOTARY #2: We can talk about that. But, you will have to create your own seal.

CHARLIE: You mean I can’t use your seal?

NOTARY #2: it would be illegal for you to use my seal.

CHARLIE: I could use notorial protection, to make sure we’re both safe.

NOTARY #2: Abstinence is the best protection.

CHARLIE: I know how to ask for a happy ending in 17 languages. But, can a notarization come with a happy ending?

NOTARY #2: No Charlie, it doesn’t. But, I think I know what you are asking me.

(2 months later… Charlie becomes a notary, but does some improper notarizations and faces the consequences.)

CHARLIE: Why does it hurt when I affix my stamp? Must be one of those notarial diseases. Next time I’ll require double identification to be safe? Hmmm, maybe that wouldn’t help. Maybe Samantha was right. Maybe notarial abstinence is the best policy. It must be because of those two blonds that I notarized. I knew it.

ALAN: What’s up?

CHARLIE: I’m just bummed out. Samantha, and Charlene who you might remember as Notary #1… well, neither of them will see me again. Not to mention the fact that I seem to have picked up a nasty case of the… I don’t even know what you call it.

ALAN: Oh, the Jurclap. I read about that. You can get that if you have unprotected notarizations. Well Charlie. All I can say is, don’t feel bad, there will be other notaries!

.

You might also like:

Two and a half Notaries — impaired judgement
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13207

Two and a half Notaries — intercontinental notary seal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10432

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All in the Family – notarization for a drug test

Filed under: Sit-Coms — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 6:27 am

EDITH: Oh Archie, you’re home.

ARCHIE: Yeah Edith I’m home. And I can do without your usual yapping. I just want to sit in my chair, have a beer, and listen to the voices in my head.

EDITH: Is my voice one of them voices?

ARCHIE: If it ever stops yapping I’ll be sure to ask.

EDITH: All right Archie. I’ll get you your beer, and your newspaper.

ARCHIE: Don’t show me the newspaper. It’s just going to be more of those hippies slamming Mr. Richard Milhouse Nixon’s integrity.

EDITH: Integrity? That was in the news? I must have missed that.

ARCHIE: All of those hippy commies and their Mary Jane they keep smoking. I’m telling you Edith. It’s turning this country into a bunch of commie pot-heads. Which is why my boss questioned my unscrutibility by making this WW2 vet take a drug test.

MICHAEL: Arch, you mean inscrutability.

ARCHIE: Inscrutability you!

GLORIA: What’s this about daddy having to take a drug test?

ARCHIE: You heard right little girl. Because your whole generation is flying around high as a kite all the time, my boss is making red blooded Americans like your daddy get neuterized drug tests.

MICHAEL: That’s pretty funny arch. When I think of dope, you are the man!

SALLY: Michael, that’s not nice.

ARCHIE: So, where am I going to find a Noterary Republic?

MICHAEL: Where people find everything instantly these days. The yellow pages.

ARCHIE: Let your fingers do the walking. That’s the only exercise a lazy guy like you gets.

MICHAEL: Oh here’s one that looks good. 123notary. We come to you. Any type of document or loan signing. My psychic said that one day, 123notary would be on this new thing call the world wide web in about twenty-five years.

ARCHIE: Tell your psychic to look into the distant future when you finally find a job.

EDITH: (calling 123notary — ring ring) Hello yes, is this 123notary?

123NOTARY: 123notary, where the peace sign comes to you!

EDITH: Archie, do you want the peace sign to come to us?

ARCHIE: What are you talking about — give me that phone. (talking to 123notary) Is this your 1234notary?

123notary: 123

ARCHIE: Whatever. Am I talking to the Noterary?

123NOTARY: One of them.

ARCHIE: I need a notary to come to 704 Hauser Street. How much do you charge?

123NOTARY: That will be 20 cents per signature plus $4 travel fee.

ARCHIE: $4 travel fee? Rake me over the coals why don’t you. I have a drug test I need notarized.

123NOTARY: Do you have the actual paperwork?

ARCHIE: No, but I’ll get it on Monday.

123NOTARY: We can’t notarize the actual test results, but we can notarize a statement from you regarding the authenticity of the test.

ARCHIE: Yeah, authenticity, whatever.

(Archie goes to the drug test)

NURSE: We just need a blood and urine sample. Could you urinate into this container? Just do your business!

ARCHIE: Aw, couldn’t you be more discreet?

NURSE: Okay. Go tinkle. Is that better?

(2 minutes later)

NURSE: Great. This is a good sample. We’ll let you know your results tomorrow. Just come in anytime after 9am.

(the next day)

ARCHIE: Hi, I need to pick up the drug test results.

NURSE: You realize these results are strictly confidential.

ARCHIE: Tell the whole world, I don’t care. I never touched drugs in my life.

NURSE: (quietly) Your test results show that you have trace amounts of marijuana in your system, but you passed.

ARCHIE: Shh. shh… shhh… Did you grab the wrong cup? How is that even possible?

NURSE: It’s very common to accidentally inhale second hand smoke and it could happen anywhere… at work, at home, or even walking down the street.

ARCHIE: I’ve never been around Mary Jane in my life.

NURSE: Don’t be so soon Mr. Bunker. Drug tests don’t lie!

(an hour later)

123NOTARY: So, you want to sign a statement saying that you never used drugs. And that you don’t know where you accidentally inhaled Marijuana.

ARCHIE: Sure, sure, whatever I need to do to expungulate the record.

123NOTARY: Sign here, and then raise your right hand and repeat after me.

(later that night, Archie confronts Michael and insists that he must have inhaled Michael’s second hand smoke, and then demanded that Michael get a drug test to prove it)

.

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The Notary can be named as a suspect if their record keeping is flawed

Filed under: Notary Mistakes — admin @ 1:07 am

I test Notaries by phone daily to see if they are fit to be on my site. The results of the testing are that I have to accept people who shouldn’t be Notaries just because I’m desperate for people in certain remote areas. However, bad Notarial record keeping is not only a headache for me during testing. It is dangerous for society and for the Notary as well. Failing to keep thumbprints makes it impossible for the FBI to catch identity thieves. ID’s can be falsified, so without hard evidence like a thumbprint, you cannot catch the bad guys. However, there’s more.

When the FBI interviews a Notary during an identity fraud case, the Notary is considered a suspect. After all, they were involved in the transaction. You might not think of yourself as a suspect, but the Feds do, because it would be easy for you to be involved, especially if you don’t keep your books correctly.

If your books are filled out with one journal entry per person per document, and each entry is signed and with a thumbprint — that is thorough bookkeeping. Less than 10% of Notaries nationwide keep their journal completely correctly. Here are some ways you could make yourself look more suspicious and perhaps end up in court for a long time.

1. If you put multiple documents in each journal entry, the signer or FBI could claim that you added extra documents AFTER the signing to defraud the signer. You cannot prove that you did not add those documents after the signing, so your hands are tied. This is why you have the signed sign off for each document which you cannot do unless there is a separate journal entry for each document.

2. If you put “loan docs” in a journal entry without specifying the exact names of the loan documents in separate journal entries, you could be accused of forging signatures on additional documents. Since you didn’t record which exact documents you notarized, you could claim anything and there is no evidence one way or the other to prove your innocence.

3. If you use one journal entry for more than one signer you create a mess as multiple signers would have to sign a journal entry where their ID information probably would not fit.

4. If you simply do not keep a journal as it is not required by law in your state you could be easily considered a suspect in identity theft and would have zero evidence to prove your innocence.

5. If you keep proper journal entries, but refuse to thumbprint the signer on a Deed or Power of Attorney (serious documents that affect people’s lives and property) you could be accused of concealing the signer’s true identity if they used a false identification card forged in China ($200 market price by the way.)

6. If you think an ID is the real person because the ID looks like him. Consider that in Iraq, ISIS kills people and sells their passports to other people who look similar for about 1200 Euros.

7. There are corrupt people at the DMV who make falsified driver’s licenses which look real because they are real, but with falsified information. Those bad people normally get caught eventually, but have a good run for a while creating all types of chaos in society. Many were charging $500 for a false ID so I heard.

If you keep proper journal entries and thumbprints, it will be more clear to investigators and judges that you take identifying signers very seriously and cover your tracks in case there is any hanky panky. ID’s can be forged, but you cannot forge a thumbprint unless you wear a latex pad on your thumb with someone else’s prints which the Notary would easily detect. Cover your tracks, and your court cases will be dismissed faster based on the experiences of the Notaries on our site!

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You might also like:

Compilation of posts about Notary fraud
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21527

10 risks to being a Mobile Notary Public
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19459

What entities might want to see your journal?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20902

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Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!

Filed under: Popular on Facebook (some),Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 1:00 am

Welcome to the Notary Dating Show. I’m your host Jeremy! Tonight we have a fun crowd. Tony wants to meet a nice Notary from the female gender, and boy do we have some choices for him. We have Tammy, Mandy, and Wendy, all of whom are interesting young ladies who are not only fun — but, they’re experienced! I know if Jimmi Hendrix dated a Notary, he would want an experienced one, but let’s see how Tony feels. Now, let’s introduce Tony!

JEREMY: Tony! Welcome to the show.

TONY: It’s great to be here. I just can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been finding all the wrong girls. I just can’t relate to them.

JEREMY: Do you think — that it’s because they’re not Notaries?

TONY: That might very well be Jeremy. It is a distinct possibility.

JEREMY: Okay… Now, we have three young ladies from the female gender on the other side of that curtain. You can each ask each other a few questions, and then decide who you want to meet.

TONY: Well, how do I know if they’re hot if I only get to see them after the questions?

JEREMY: We do it this way to reduce the element of distraction.

TONY: Oh, got it….

TAMMY: Hi Tony. I’m Tammy. I just wanted to know, have you ever notarized a paraplegic?

TONY: Hmm, I can’t say that I have. That sounds a bit hair raising.

TAMMY: Well, his hair was the only thing he could raise. He couldn’t move his arms and had to sign by putting a pen in his mouth.

TONY: Oh my God. That must have been a very memorable signing. I feel sorry for the guy.

TAMMY: Me too. I just wish I could do something to make it up to him.

TONY: Well, it’s not your fault that he has that problem.

MANDY: Hi, I’m Mandy. So, have you ever done it in an airplane? I mean notarized someone at an altitude of a mile high or higher?

TONY: Actually, I met someone in an airport for a signing. We met at the airport Starbucks. He was so high on caffeine that he was about to fly away before the plane even docked.

WENDY: Hi, I’m Wendy. The other day, I notarized an accomplice to a murder. I got such a rush out of that. I was wondering what the most hair raising notarization you have ever done was.

TONY: Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that…. I notarized a cartel boss at Men’s Central. He was the silent type. Very unnerving.

WENDY: So, he didn’t offer you a coupon for his “products?”

TONY: Very funny. I stay clear of that type of thing.

JEREMY: So, Tony, which girl did you like the most?

TONY: Hmm, I kind of like Tammy. She takes a lot of concern for others who she doesn’t even know. I just wonder if she is as nice to people who she does know, even when they become the same old thing after half a year of dating.

TAMMY: You’ll find out!

JEREMY: That’s right, you will find out because your first date has been scheduled for Le Jurat — enjoy notarial foods including certified angus beef, soup du jurat, and embossed giant oreo cookies a la mode. The valet will need your parking stub to be notarized, and don’t forget to ask the waiter when your 1st payment is due –that is a tradition to ask at this restaurant where almost all of the clients are loan signing agents! After six months of dating Tammy you will find out how she treats people who are no longer new and exciting, but let’s just start with the first date!

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You might also like:

How Notary work is similar to online dating
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15763

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

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