My short blog about a bar only for cool Notaries took off. The comments were great, and people really liked it. It really needed to be longer, but I didn’t realize it would be so popular. I’m just wondering what would people talk about at a Notary bar?

NOTARY: I’ll have a Manhattan… put “New York” County in the venue though. Manhattan is not a legal name for a county.

JEREMY: Just for my records, do you do other counties too?

NOTARY: Call me back during business hours. Can’t you see I’m having a drink, or trying to?

BARTENDER: Can I see some ID?

NOTARY: I ID you, you don’t ID me…. I’m the Notary. Besides, look at this gray hair and arthritis… Okay, he’s giving me the look. Here is my ID.

JEFF: Hey baby, is that a stamp in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

MAY: I’m supposed to say that dummy. You’re so dumb I bet you work exclusively for signing companies who low-ball you.

JEFF: Hey hey hey, that was a low blow. We all have needs. Would you like to sign my journal where all the other hot ladies have?

MAY: I thought I was the only one! Hey, I ordered a Reverse Mortgage on the rocks, and I need it yesterday — so backdate it!

BOUNCER: Sorry, maam, but I need to hook you up to the coolometer to see if you are cool enough to hang out here.

MAY: I’m too intoxicated to drive, so I’m in big trouble if I don’t pass.

JEFF: Better hook me up to the laughometer, this chick is funny!

JEREMY: Hey bartender, if Jim Beam wants to be notarized as Jim W Beam, but his ID says Jim Beam, can you notarize him under the circumstances?

BARTENDER: If he’s over 21, I’ll notarize him. I had John Hancock come in here, and guess what he did.

JEREMY: I don’t know… did he sign something?

MAY: John Hancock ate something that didn’t agree with him, but said not to worry, because — he said — he had a good CONSTITUTION!

BOUNCER: I would like to declare my independence. All of you are cool tonight. I’ll see who is coming at the door.

BARTENDER: How come “Margarita” doesn’t have a last name? How do you notarize someone with just one name.

JEFF: Hmmm, I had a guy named Fink once in a bad neighborhood. Real story. That was his first and only name. No surname. Bizarre. Not a wealthy person just for the record.

JEREMY: I’ll have a Black Russian

MAY: Don’t you mean an “African American Russian?”

JEREMY: Comrade please, you think I’m trying to hear that? Oh hell Nyet…. helllll nyet!!!

JEFF: Okay, dos-vidanya… actually it is late so tres or cuatro-vidanya baby!

BARTENDER: How did Mary get bloody? Was it one of those dangerous notarizations?

MAY: Maybe it was that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yeah, the notary business really picks up at that time of the month.

JEFF: Not that time of the month. It’s a different — that time of the month.

JEREMY: Yes, but if you call notaries about their listing at that busy time of the month they get cranky.

MAY: Oh, so now we can get cranky at two times of the month. Being a woman just isn’t what it used to be.

BARTENDER: Since this is a Notary bar, did you know there is a wine called Notary Public from California’s mid coast region.

JEREMY: I knew that — I’ve had it many times. Great wine, a little pricy though.

MAY: I hope they didn’t charge more than the state maximum per signature.

JEREMY: They charged $20 per signature — I mean per glass. Ouch. But, when I had it, I started going into that zone — like a haze, like after you have some French wine, life is like a dream.

MAY: And you started dreaming about notarizing sexy girls on the banks of the Rhone?

JEREMY: Actually, after a glass of Bordeaux at a local spot I started fantasizing about being in the rolling hills of Bordeaux. That thought came to my head as I gazed into the distance in a relaxed state. Ah, the joys of wine. And it all happened at my favorite place in Los Angeles — Farmer’s market.

JEFF: Before I go, does the Farmer’s daughter hang out there?

JEREMY: Yes, but she is not old enough to get notarized…

BARTENDER: And not old enough to do a whole lot of other things too I bet.

MAY: You have to be 18 before your signature is legally binding, and 21 before your drink at a bar is legally binding. That’s one thing you won’t want to backdate!

BARTENDER: I once went out with a chick on a backdate. It was fun, we did everything in reverse.

JEFF: Oh, so you like it in reverse.

BOUNCER: You have a good sense of humor, I’d like to hook you up to the “coolometer” just to get a reading….. oh…. 7, not bad. Better than Jeremy. He only got a 6 which is still passable.

MAY: So, who got a 10 for coolness.

BOUNCER: A guy in New York. But, he never shows up. He’s studying four different languages and has a million different interests. I wish he would come her. I wish for that matter I could bounce people in as well as bounce them out.

JEREMY: Now there’s a thought. What about taking a course on how to raise our coolness level so we’ll be prepared when you hook us up to the coolometer.

BOUNCER: Didn’t you write an article on Bad Boy Notaries? Just read that article again and again — I think that will raise you at least a point right there.

JEFF: Okay, this time I’m really going…. and as always — stay cool and… don’t drink and sign!!!

You might also like:

A bar only for “cool” Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22546

Are you a bad boy Notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22380

There are a few people in particular Notary agencies who do a certain degree of motivational speaking for Notaries. Normally they do this for the purpose of sales, or in my case to get you to study harder and write more in your notes sections. But, what if there were someone who specialized in Notarial motivational speaking? What would his name be? How about Chad Robbins, and we can pretend he is a distant cousin of my favorite motivational speaker Tony Robbins.

Chad never did well in school, or anything else he tried. He was failing in life. The only thing he had in his favor was that he was motivated, and could get other people motivated. He was at a job interview, and there were twelve others in the waiting room. He got them all pumped up for the interview, so that one of them got the job, but he did not. He couldn’t figure out what to do with his life. Years went by doing dead end jobs. He languished in despair, contemplated suicide, and moped around. Finally, out of the blue, someone came to him and said, “Why don’t you become a motivational speaker for Notaries?” He said, “Great, but what’s a Notary?” So, he took the 123notary certification course after becoming a Notary and signed up on 123notary.com — at least in the story he did. He learned from Jeremy how to motivate Notaries to greatness and decided to work with that and expand upon it. He became the greatest Notary motivational speaker ever.

CHAD: Working on that notes section will reward you for the rest of your career.

NOTARY: I know, I know, I know.

CHAD: What are you doing that is more important than creating that benefit for yourself which will probably translate into tens of thousands in extra revenue over the next ten years.

NOTARY: I have to clean the house and I have an assignment tomorrow.

CHAD: Will the assignment pay you $10,000?

NOTARY: No, of course not. They don’t pay enough. I’m only getting $60 if they pay me.

CHAD: If I had $1000 in my right hand that you could have if you wrote a good notes section and $20 in my left hand that I would just give you now, which would you take.

NOTARY: That’s easy, the $20 in the left hand so I would have time to do my crummy $60 signing tomorrow.

CHAD: You are a difficult case. It only takes a few hours of reading and modifying your notes to have a listing that stands out. If you don’t, you might get ignored and not even be able to survive in the Notary business.

NOTARY: Motivating with fear. Okay, you win. I’ll postpone the laundry, but if I get another $60 signing, I’ll take it before I complete my notes so that I have something to whine about.

CHAD: Good. Read the “Your notes section” category in the 123notary blog for tips and take notes. With your experience of 500 loans signed you will have something to talk about for sure.

——– (end of scene)

CHAD: Linda, you are a new Notary, but you have no certifications. How will you stand out with potential clients?

LINDA: Oh, I’m certified by the State of New Hampshire.

CHAD: That’s not a certification, that is a commission. Getting a loan signing certification from one or more of the three best programs will help attract serious clients. It takes some work, but that work is what is going to jump start your career.

LINDA: I don’t have time. I have a $40 signing tomorrow. They are ripping me off.

CHAD: With no certifications and no experience you are lucky that people are even giving you a chance. The time you invest in Notary education will come back to you for the rest of your career. It only takes an hour per day for a month or two and you can be solid in your knowledge. That normally translates into an average increase of revenue per signing and also a lot more signings.

LINDA: I’ll wait until I’m really bored and then I’ll think about it.

CHAD: Older Notaries who don’t have credentials get used because of name recognition. They have been in the game for years. But, newer Notaries have no credibility at all. Let’s look at the search results on 123notary. Look, see Susie, she has four certifications as a signing agent, is a member of five Notary organizations, wrote a very comprehensive and well organized notes section and has a registered company name. Look at her, and then look at your notes section with your one liner that says, “Hi, my name is Linda. I am a Notary. I will travel. Call me first.” Why would anyone call you, when Suzie looks ten times as good as you.

LINDA: Oh my God, I never saw it that way. You win. I’ll buy the LLS, Notary2Pro and 123notary certifications and start studying. I will not be outdone by another woman!

CHAD: And remember — you need to be PASSIONATE about whatever you are doing. Live with ENTHUSIASM (raises fist in the air.)

LINDA: With me it’s not about passion. It’s about one-up-man-ship. I can’t stand the idea that someone else looks better than me. I’ll outdress her too. You’ll see. What does she wear?

CHAD: It says business casual.

LINDA: Well then I’ll wear fancier business casual or business formal. She will have something to worry about now.

CHAD: I’m not sure what I did. But, I hit the right button by mistake. Motivational speaking is all about pressing people’s emotional buttons. Greed, fear, revenge, passion, one-up-woman-ship, desire, vision, etc. Some people are more noble in their aspirations while others are more jealous, but I’ll get results any way I can.

BOTTOM LINE
If you write a thorough notes section on your listing, ask for help from Jeremy proofreading it, and get a few certifications, you will look really good to the clients. Get a few reviews as well from clients even if they found you somewhere else. The time you invest in bettering your listing could be worth more than $1000 per hour in long term benefits because you might keep your listing for ten years and reap the benefits every day for those ten years which can add up.

It is worth it to sacrifice less critical short term things you want to do for long term goals of studying, and refining your marketing presence. It doesn’t take that much time. If you compare it to the time you invested in high school or college, this is nothing, but the payback is often huge.