When I have new notaries on board, I normally give them a welcome call. I asked one guy what his professional background was. He told me he was a Notary for a month. I told him that a month doesn’t constitute a professional background, but that a 20 year teaching background would. Then he said that he was a Real Estate intern for half a year. Finally, I asked him, “Are you young?” I forget that young people don’t have a professional background or necessarily know what one is. But, if they keep having a boring and dull life going into the office, they will attain one in 10 short years. But, what about being a waiter?
WAITER: Welcome to Mel’s Diner, can we interest you in a drink?
CUSTOMER: I’ll have the jackhammer.
WAITER: Can I see some ID?
CUSTOMER: I’ll sign the journal, but I won’t thumbprint.
WAITER: Hmmm. So, what’s your sign?
CUSTOMER: I’m a Leo.
WAITER: So, you were born, July 28th, 1997.
CUSTOMER: You are trying to trick me. I was born the 29th.
WAITER: I wasn’t trying to trick you. I have bad eyesight. And I don’t use a journal because my state doesn’t require waiters to use a journal.
NOTARY: You sound like a Notary in one of those states that doesn’t require journals. But, when you get busted by the FBI and the journal is your only evidence that you weren’t involved in a serious act of fraud, you could get put in jail or end up in court forever.
WAITER: Good point. What if someone orders an illegal drink with a fake ID, I don’t keep a record of it, and he gets in his car, runs someone over, and I get blamed. That “journal of official waitorial acts” could be my only defense.
CUSTOMER: I never thought of that. You know, you CAN thumbprint me. I even brought my NNA thumbprinter.
NOTARY: Are you a Notary too?
CUSTOMER: Not yet, but I’m going to become one, and I’m learning something right here about being a Notary. It can be a dangerous job if something goes wrong.
NOTARY: It’s like driving. It’s safe 99.9% of the time, and then something unusual happens and then only your seatbelt can help.
WAITER: Many people don’t like precautions unless they sound like Covid-19 precautions — then they like endless restrictions and precautions.
CUSTOMER: If I were running this joint I would say — you can have that jackhammer, BUT ONLY if you sign this journal. But, you can’t sign the journal unless you wash your hands three times and say hail Mary, and then walk around in a circle counter clockwise, use a sanitized pen, and then sign it wearing an N-95 facemask.
NOTARY: How about sound effects. If someone orders a jackhammer, shouldn’t that come with sound effects. Maybe get some sampling?
WAITER: How about this? “Chu chuh chuh chuh chuh…… HEY SULLY, we’re that pipe you brought ovuh? chuh chuh chuh chuh …. WHAT? I CAN”T HEAR YOU. I got my ear plugs on.”
CUSTOMER: Wow, that changed the whole customer experience in an even better way than those meaningless restrictions.
WAITER: Sully says he likes the part about the hail Mary as you go around three times.
NOTARY: Is Sully a real person?
WAITER: He’s real to me! So, let me guess. Would you like to try a virgin Notarita?
NOTARY: Sounds great, but the drink sounds underaged. I don’t want to get in trouble.
CUSTOMER: It’s okay, the drink has been aged 21 years. We just need to make sure that you are of proper age and sound of mind.
NOTARY: Here’s my ID. Wow, this is like life in reverse.
WAITER: So you could notarize that drink because it’s old enough.
NOTARY: It’s age is passing, but it doesn’t have an ID.
WAITER: But, it does have a signature — in fact it’s our signature drink.
NOTARY: In that case, that makes it okay. So, honestly, are all of your clients as interesting as us?
WAITER: Some are a lot more interesting. But, it’s hit and miss, especially the ones who forgot their ID.