JACK: Will, can I ask you something?
WILL: What’s that?
JACK: Have you ever wanted to be a Notary?
WILL: Are there cute guys in that industry?
JACK: What does that have to do with anything. Get your mind out of the gutter. It doesn’t matter whose in the industry. You don’t hang around with other Notaries unless you go to those private Facebook groups. You meet clients and they might be cute.
WILL: How cute are we talking?
JACK: If I become a Notary, I’ll bring one of them to one of our favorite gay bars and you can find out.
WILL: What if they aren’t gay?
JACK: I don’t have to tell them it’s a gay bar.
GRACE: I think they’ll know…. duh. Remember you brought me to one of those places?
JACK: Yeah, but you said you wanted to go to a place where no man would give you any unwanted attention. You got what you asked for.
GRACE: What? (looking disgusted). That was NOT what I had in mind! I wanted to go to a lesbian bar. Oh well, next time.
JACK: If I were a Notary, I would want one of those tiny little seals and have a little tiny doggie to match… with an outfit.
WILL: An outfit for the dog or the seal?
JACK: Oh, now you’ve got me thinking. I could get a little seal cover designed just for my little seal.
GRACE: That’s so cute. You should become a Notary just for the little seal bag made out of yarn.
JACK: Yarn? I wasn’t thinking yarn. I was thinking leather!
WILL: Stick to yarn. It’s more cute. Plus you don’t want your customers to think you are into leather notarizations. That sort of thing has a stigma to it.
JACK: Good point. But, I don’t want people to think I’m grandma either.
WILL: Okay, I’m an Attorney, so I can give you an Oath.
JACK: Okay. Count me in.
WILL: Raise your right hand.
JACK: Okay (holding his hand parallel in a very gay way.)
WILL: Do you solemnly swear that you will uphold the laws for Notary Public for the state of New York and defend the constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, so help you God?
JACK: What about imports, or is that what you meant by foreign, because I don’t drive, but if I did, I would only drive a Ford personally.
WILL: You’ll make a terrible Notary. If you want my advice. Don’t quit your day job.
JACK: Oh, you mean acting. Usually that’s what you say to people who won’t make it acting.
WILL: You’ll make it acting, you just won’t make it acting like a Notary.
JACK: Gee thanks. You’re so insensitive.
GRACE: I think he knows what he is talking about in the legal profession. That’s why I married him. My mother wanted me to marry an Attorney.