A long time ago, there was a Notary born to a virgin mother in a manger in Kern County, CA. His name was Jesus and/or Emanuel, but his Latino friends called him Manuel. Later on, many songs were written about him and there was much rejoicing. However, four out of five dentists surveyed changed his name in the songs from “Emanuel” to “Enamuel.” In any case, this magnificent man did many wonderful deeds for mankind and humanity alike.
He helped a blind musician to see. The musician said, “Thank you Emanuel, now I don’t have to get paid in ones anymore. People kept asking me if I was a stripper and I said — no! If you think I’m a stripper with this body, then I ain’t the only one who’s blind around here!”
He helped a clueless mobile notary to get paid by using 123notary.com/s to look up signing company reviews. The Notary said, “I’ve been on 123notary for ten years and didn’t realize that feature existed. I should read the blog more often! Thanks Emanuel”
He helped a mobile notary client to walk and the client thanked him. But, the mobile notary who served that client regularly said, “Thanks a lot Emanuel, now I lost a client!”
Later, he went to Lake Mead in Nevada, and walked on water near the Hoover dam. Then he wrote some graffiti on the dam saying, “Jesus was here.” After that he took a long walk in the Mojave Desert and got really thirsty. He had a few bottles of wine in his backpack, but no water. So, he turned wine into water. After all, wine dehydrates.
This holy Notary also preached to the Notary masses and spoke in mystical parables.
1. Notarize unto others as you would have them notarize unto you!
2. Backdate not as it is a sin. And if you feel otherwise, imagine if the universe went backwards for a day every time you did so. If your work is always in order, the universe will always deliver in order for you!
3. The road to heaven is laden with potholes and notary clients who don’t have ID’s. By being prepared for all obstacles, all obstacles will cease to exist. Basically, get a vehicle with good shocks and confirm signings by phone lest you be delayed unnecessarily.
4. If you have a Notary client who has suffered misfortune or is wretched, offer this person Notary work for free, and you shall receive blessings in Notary heaven — yes, the Notary heaven written about in the 123notary blog — the article is fairly accurate based on what we know.
5. What ye seal, ye shall reap. Do good Notary work and there will be no shortage of Notary clients. Do good Notary work regularly and your good fortune will be exponential like the water in the ocean and stars in the sky.
6. If thou art annointed before doing a notarization, wash the oil off otherwise it will get all over the documents.
7. If a signing company is rude to you, turn the other cheek and do not seek revenge. If the signing company is rude, the rudeness remains. If you are rude back, dost the rudeness not multiply?
8. Do not notarize in public, for notarizing in public is what hypocrites do! Do not notarize for man, notarize for God’s divine approval.
9. And remember — the Kingdom of Notary Heaven can be seen within you.
10. There are many mansions in my father’s kingdom, (even a few with olympic sized pools) and they all need refinancing from time to time, so Notaries will never be out of a job in Notary Heaven.
The holy Notary walked around from coast to coast wearing orange robes and speaking in tongues that fascinated many. But, there were many who did not like Jesus. For Jesus spoke out against unrightious signing companies and their hypocritical practices charging $450 and only paying the Notary $50, not to mention often not paying them at all. The son of God publically criticized these immoral and sinful scoundrels publically and was hated for it. Once, he found a Lender doing a signing in a church, and Jesus violently turned over the table and said — not in my father’s house shall you perform a Notary signing!
It all ended, when a particular signing company hired some Attorneys to sue Jesus. The first lawsuit ended with a settlement that Jesus had to wear a crown of thorns with a sign that said, “King of the Notaries”. But, after the second lawsuit, they had Notary Jesus crucified.
He was nailed to a cross. And when he asked for water, they gave him Notary ink to drink. There were two other Notaries on crosses to either side of him. Both were common criminals convicted of backdating and Notary fraud including failure to administer an Oath as well as property embezzlement. His twelve Apostilles were unable to make it to visit him on the cross because it was the end of the month and they were all busy with signings. Several hours later, Jesus died. Later on Jesus rose from the dead and then decided to move onto Notary heaven.
Tragic as it was, many Notaries claim that Notary Jesus died for their Notarial sins, and that all the backdating, name variations they notarized without matching ID, and other crimes against the Secretary of State and society would be forgiven.
To be honest, very few Notaries ever get caught for their misconduct unless it is deliberate fraud with intent to injure or steal property from the signer. So, the forgiveness is more symbolic. But, in any case, to this day, Jesus the Notary lives — in spirit at least in Notary heaven. Just don’t be late on your child support payments if you want admittance to Notary heaven. But, other than that, all you have to do is believe, pray, and don’t sin or break any of the civil code section 2.1 through 5.13 or state law 3.53 through 4.119 pursuant to the Secretary of State’s Notary Handbook in your state. The end!
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