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January 13, 2011

Honey, I notarized the kids (don’t try this at home)


We were expecting a notary
It was about nine o’clock. We were expecting a notary at the house to do a refinance. My wife Molly had been away all week. It was an investment property and Molly did not need to be here to sign. The kids would just not go to sleep…

“Why can’t we watch TV anymore?” Joey whined.

“Because someone is coming. Someone from the bank is coming to see us…”

“Who? Do I have to be good? Do I have to stay in my room?”

Joey started chasing Milly around the house… “Joey! Milly! STOP THAT– stop running or the notary monster will notarize you!”

“What’s ‘notarize’? Who does that? What is it?” Milly squeaked.

“The notary has this big clamp. He puts it on the paper we are signing… and if you are not good, he will clamp you with it, too. And it will hurt!”

Joey jumped up and tried to touch the lamp hanging from the ceiling. At that moment, the bulb popped…

“That’s IT!!! You’re done!!!” I yelled. Just then the doorbell rang.

The Notary arrives
I opened the door. It was Mr. Eugene the notary. He was about 5′ tall, with black hair streaked with gray…and he had dark inky circles around his eyes. He carried a notary bag and walked with a limp toward the table. “I’m Mr. Eugene,” he pointed out.

“Eugene– great to meet you. We are going to whip through these documents…but we might also want to notarize these kids,” I winked. But let’s do the signing first.”

We did whip through the documents. He was a thorough notary, and seemed very intent on every detail. When we were done, I asked, “May I see you in my office here?” I led the way…

Would you wear this mask?
I shut the door so we would have a moment away from the kids. “I sort of threatened the kids; they’re really being bad this week… Would you help me ? I made this stamp out of this cardboard…and this costume…I’m going to–would you wear this mask? It will look really scary…”

“I really shouldn’t do this… ” he looked blank.

I decided then and there to be the notary monster myself.
I had cut up an inkpad (I had one from my clerical days) and made a cardboard stamp that read “notarized.” The stamp was 6″ across and looked scary…especially when I inked it up with black ink. I put on the two-headed black monster mask, adjusted it, put on the cloak, grabbed the seal… Mr. Eugene followed me out of the room. He looked worried.

“Where are you kids?” I bellowed in a strange, foreign, angry voice. The stamp said notarized backwards turned like a mirror image…

“No! NO!” yelled the kids, running away from me…” I caught them just as they were headed into the garage… and stamped each of them on their foreheads…then all over their arms and legs…

Just then the phone rang…
Just then the phone rang. It was my wife, Molly. “Honey, I notarized the kids.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. I heard the door slam. It was Mr. Eugene.

“I’ll explain later… I can explain… Don’t call the police.”

Tweets:
(1) Kid: “Do I have to be good?” Mom: “Stop running or that Notary monster will notarize you!”
(2) The stamp said “notarized” backwards turned like a mirror image. The kids were terrified.
(3) I decided then and there to be the notary monster myself.
(4) The notary has this big clamp, and if you’re not good, he’ll clamp you with it, and it will hurt!
(5) I cut up an ink pad and made a cardboard box that read “notarized” backwards like a mirror image.
(6) Frank: “Honey, I notarized the kids.”
Molly: “What do you mean?”
Frank: “I’ll explain later, don’t call the police!”

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January 10, 2011

If you can notarize here, you can notarize anywhere

The Notary profession in New York City is so competitive, few can survive at all. Or is it the other way around? To compete with Ken who has about four million positive reviews, you would have to be Superman, and have been Superman for the last ten years to have a chance to compete with him. We have some of the smartest Notaries in the country in New York for some reason. I guess NYC attracts the best and the brightest. Detroit also attracts some of the best — I can’t figure that one out (hmmm.) The city that does wost on our algorithm nationwide is our nation’s capitol — how ironic!

But, on a brighter note, some of our listings far down the list “Find a Notary in Manhattan” get tons of clicks. We have a few UPS stores that are getting seven clicks a day or so while similar businesses in other cities average about 1.5 clicks per day. What do all these numbers mean? NYC is a very populated city and is also a county. During the day there might be about 7 million people there. Additionally, since so many of those people are there to get high level business done, they need more Notaries than any other city or county in the nation. Our Los Angeles page only represents about 3 million folks which is less than half of what NYC represents. Miami-Dade only has 2.6 million. So, it kind of makes sense that the New Yorkers lead the pack in clicks on 123notary.

But, if you want to learn from the best, we have great Notaries everywhere, but the average caliber of Notary in NYC is far above the rest. If only all Notaries could learn from them. But, you can! Just read our blog! Ken, our in-house talented blog writer writes a piece (an unconcealed piece) every week, so you can learn from the best just by visiting our blog!

But, one of our clients in New York City saw a naked man wearing only a cardboard Notary Seal was walking down the street screaming — If you can notarize here, you can notarize anywhere!!!

You might also like:

New York Notary Income is the Highest!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1959

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January 1, 2011

A 2nd Date With jeremy

A 2nd date with Jeremy

Sealia and Jeremy hit it off, so much on their first date, it was time for a sequel. In fact, they had gotten to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally known” instad of using satisfactory evidence to identify the signer.

Sealia: “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”
Jeremy: “I know!”

So, this dynamic duo decides to see the movie, “A Case of Mistaken Identity”. It is a movie about someone who was notarized using a stolen ID card. The police were informed, and then arrested the wrong person. In any case, Jeremy asked
what type of rating the movie had, such as “G”, “PG”, “R”, 2 thumbs up, etc. Sealia replied that the movie got four stars on Notary Rotary.

The couple drove to the theater and parked. Jeremy wanted to use a credit card to purchase tickets.
The ticket lady said, “May I see some ID please?”
Jeremy misheard her and thought she asked the name of the movie he wanted to see.
Jeremy said, “A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “No, there’s nothing wrong with your identity, the picture on this ID looks just like you, and your eyes really are blue — hold on, let me take a closer look — yup…”
Jeremy: “No, not the ID, the movie”
Ticket Lady, “Oh, so you mistook the identity of the movie!”
Jeremy: “No, I mistook what you said when you asked for my ID”
Ticket Lady, “Never mind, your credit card and ID are fine… what movie would you like to see?”
Jeremy: “Two tickets for A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “Here you go! Enjoy the show!”

Then, the couple go to the consession stand. They see all of the popcorn and other treats, and ask if they have any good consessions. The attendant said, “We actually have notary consessions — we have a voucher that states that if the notary makes a mistake, that the return trip to correct the mistake is free as a consession.” Then, Jeremy asks, “Does that consession voucher come with a complimentary bucket of popcorn?” Then, the attendent responsded, “Yeah, for another $6.25, I’ll make that consession.”

Then, our conceded (but, not conceited) couple proceeded to get seated. Then, the lights were dimmed, and the movie began.
Jeremy: “Oh no, what if the ticket lady gave me back the WRONG ID? I better check my wallet!”
Sealia: “You are paranoid, I saw that she gave you back the correct ID, and your Credit Card!”
Jeremy: “Next time, I’m paying for the movie using paypal up front, like Ken gets paid for his signings — It’s much easier.”

Then the movie starts. They get to the point of the movie where the very best scene happens — well, the best scene according to Jeremy. The scene where they show the sworn Oath. Then a big fat guy tries to walk across the row in front of them to his seat. Jeremy is livid that fatso would prevent him from seeing the Oath. So, Jeremy gets out of his seat, and sticks his head to the left of Fat Albert, and then when Albert moves to the left, Jeremy stuck his head to the right.

Movie seer: “Hey, do you mind?”
Jeremy: “He’s blocking my favorite scene!”
Movie seer: “Well, I want to see the Oath too, buddy”
Jeremy: “You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath… I SWEAR I will if you don’t shut up!”

They finished the movie. The police arrested the wrong guy, but after they fingerprinted him, they realized that the real criminal was still on the

loose. So, they let the falsely arrested guy go. Then, our duo walks down past Mann’s Chinese theater in Hollywood and see handprints and signatures. But, there are no Acknowledgments for the signatures! If we see some wet cement, we need to put a mold for an Acknowledgment form in the cement! We’ll put it with an imprint of my embosser next to Roy Rogers signature, that will trigger a reaction!

Next it was time for a hike in Griffith Park. We went to hike to the Hollywood sign.
Sealia: “This would be a great place to notarize — you sign next to the Hollywood sign!”
Jeremy: “Why not notarize the Hollywood sign itself?”
Sealia: “Wow, you think big. You can do that?”
Jeremy: “No”

ring-ring
Jeremy: “123notary, this is Jeremy”
Caller: “Yeah, you have my named spelled wrong on my listing!”
Jeremy: “You are interrupting my date to tell me this? Couldn’t you just send me an email? I’m not next to a computer right now”
Caller: “Never mind, I’ll call Carmen”
Jeremy: “Carmen cannot solve that problem either. Just send me an email”
Caller: “In that case I’ll call Sally”
Jeremy: “This conversation is over!”

Meanwhile, the NNA hiking group was walking up the hill, getting a guided tour of the Hollywood sign area. They gave a speech where they named the Notary of the Year. They called Jeremy to stand in front of the sign and said, “We appoint you, Brad Mulligan as Notary of the Year!”

Jeremy said, “I”m sorry, but I am not Brad. I think we have a case of mistaken identity!”

Tweets:
(1) Sealia & Jeremy got to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally Known.”
(2) (at the movies during the Oath scene) You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath. I swear I will if you don’t shut up!
(3) “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”

You might also like:

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

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