Welcome to Notary Starbucks where Notaries go to meet clients, get caffeinated, and blend with others. When the check comes, they get to do the signing for a change. Choose from a wide selection of Notarial coffees and snacks. Additionally, this is the only type of Starbucks where tables have separate mini-wings that open up on the sides of tables to accommodate drinks, so they won’t spill on your documents if you tip them over! Better yet, you get to use the new Starbucks Notary App that gets your waiting time paid in advance! At regular Starbucks, you see writers with their laptops writing screenplays about superheroes that never sell. At Notary Starbucks, they write screenplays about notaries that never get paid.
We offer a Notary cake that is rectangular and has an imprint of a Notary Seal in the middle. Just don’t eat the cake after the expiration date imprinted in it! Try the molten Notary cake too. It has chocolate Notary seal ink in the middle! Below is a list of our coffee blend selections.
Antigua Affidavit Blend
Conforming Columbian Dark Roast
Sulawesi Signature Whole Bean
Interest Only Italian Blend (Light Roast)
All strong enough to keep you awake while waiting for your client who’s had too much java to provide a signature that isn’t too shaky from all that caffeine.
But, Notaries don’t only go to their local Notary Starbucks to enjoy snacks, they meet their best clients there. They even had a new Starbucks App that would penalize clients from coming late to appointments where they would meet at Starbucks.
CLIENT: I’m almost there, but running late
NOTARY : No problem, you prepaid $25 waiting fee. You’re only halfway through that.
CLIENT: I thought that was the Notary fee.
NOTARY: Nope? My last client kept me waiting here for 30 minutes only to stand me up. That’s why I use “The Waiting App.” It’s $10 per signature, plus $10 travel fee for me to come here from home not to mention waiting time. You’re out $12.50 for keeping me waiting.
CLIENT: But, you didn’t do anything!
NOTARY: I wouldn’t call waiting for you not doing anything. Waiting for paint to dry – maybe. I came when I had other offers, and I sat here drinking Burundi Buydown with cream and sugar — too much sugar, I’ll never make that mistake again. This is time out of my day. You think I work for free?
CLIENT: But, you’re not working?
NOTARY: If I spent the entire day at Starbucks, “Not Working” I wouldn’t be able to afford my Murundi Mortgage, or my real Mortgage for that matter. I get paid for doing signatures, and if those people don’t want to show — they pay for my opportunity cost that I spent waiting — and sipping.
CLIENT: Sipping. You lazy bum. Don’t you have anything better to do?
NOTARY: As a matter of fact, I got an offer for an $80 signing while I was waiting for a late client. I turned him down since I got a down payment via the Starbucks Notary App.
CLIENT: Why of all the low-down.
NOTARY: Hey, you’re the one who can’t show up on time, not me buddy. Blame yourself.
CLIENT: I’ve decided not to come. I don’t like your attitude.
NOTARY: Great, I’ll call the $80 guy back. It’s only been two minutes. I’ll tell him I’ll be there in another two. Or have him meet me for a FHA French Roast right here at Notary Starbucks. In the meantime, I’m sort of trying to win the affection of a female Notary sitting next to me. Thanks a latte.
CLIENT: Fine — Bum!!!!
LADY NOTARY: I’m enjoying this Interest Only Italian Blend. They claim that if you drink it, you will enhance the interest of Notaries of the opposite sex.
NOTARY: It’s working. But, I have to go. The $80 guy wants me to show up at his house in 10 minutes. Send me a text. But, do you think I’ll get in trouble with the police?
LADY NOTARY: Why? For driving under the influence of that Subscribing Sumatra Frapaccino you had an hour ago? The high on that lasts for four hours. You might be driving all jerky, or irratically smash your seal into the document at your signing.
NOTARY: Nah, I’ll be fine.
LADY NOTARY: Oh yeah? Well, how many fingers am I holding up?
NOTARY: I can’t tell. Your fingers are shaking so much. It might be easier to meet ladies at a Notary bar rather than here. Everybody’s so jumpy and over caffeinated.
LADY NOTARY: Ya think? I’m not that bad compared to the lady who started out sipping sumatra which is a gateway coffee drink and then moved up to the crackaccino!
NOTARY: Good point. Gotta go! $80 is calling my name. Anyway, later. I’ve gotta Java now if you know what I mean!
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