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January 23, 2011

Notary Hell – “Yeah, but it’s a dry heat”

Welcome to Notary Hell

Notaries who have done bad deeds (or signed bad Deeds) in their personal or professional life are often committed to Notary Purgatory, or Notary Hell. Many Buddhist Notaries commented that there are seven heavens and seven hells, birth, death, and rebirth. In Notary Hell, the Power of the Devil, supersedes the Power of Attorney (even if it is Authenticated by the Secretary of State.)

In Notary Hell, misdeeds, negligence, and malfeasance are considered good things, although they prefer active acts of treachery.

Common Experiences
Notaries who are condemned to Notary Hell are subjected to all types of cruel, but not unusual tortures. Some notaries have all of their documents burned in the eternal fires of hell. Others have to do a daily signing for a “reader” who reads every letter of every page, and then claims not to be sure if they want to sign. These “readers” can take up to three hundred hours to complete a signing in 130 degree heat. The devils in Notary Hell are very despotic, they like to emboss the notaries around. One devil came around with a giant red hot steel embosser and embossed a notary’s hand. Other notaries are branded on their left shoulder with a red hot iron notary seal, so that it will be obvious which part of Notary Hell they are confined to.

One notary had a near death experience that he shared with us. His soul actually left his body. Unfortunately, because of all of the misdeeds he had committed (including backdating) that he went to hell. At first he was concerned that he was in hell. But, then after a few minutes he realized that he recognized half the people there since they were his Mortgage Broker clients.

Another notary commented that when he was in Notary Hell, everything he notarized was in invisible ink, so all of his work was virtually erased.

The Warning Signs
For those who are weak in terms of their conscious, a not so subtle warning sign is often sent to the notary from the higher world. The notary will be sent to Notary Hell for a few minutes in a dream, to scare the hell out of them. If the notary does not repent, the next time the notary commits a serious error or omission, the gates of Notary Hell will open up, and the Notary Devil himself will come for a personal visit to the notary’s official address based on their records with the Secretary of State.

Entry Procedures
All notaries are required to register with the Secretary of Hell, or as the locals call it, “The Demon Vee” within 30 days of arrival. You must have an identification document that was issued in the last ten years, but hasn’t been burned (or melted) yet. Notaries are required to take their Oath of Office. There is no prerequisite residency requirement for entry. Applicants must be 18 years or older and have committed a Felony or multiple acts of Mural Turpitude. There is no proctored exam necessary as an entry requirement for Notary Hell. References from scummy people are appreciated although not required.

There are many mansions in my father’s kingdom
But, you only get a cramped spot in the basement of the mansion next to the boiler room. Although Notary Hell is horribly unpleasant, due to funding cuts in the Secretary of Hell, most of the torturous punishments have been put on hold — at least for now.

DEVIL: Welcome to Notary Hell

NOTARY: But, all I did was backdate a few times

DEVIL: You don’t know how that affected other people’s lives, do you?

NOTARY: Are you preaching to me?

DEVIL: Well, I’m not exactly the most credible of witnesses, but let’s just say, that I’m aware of the severity of your mal-actions.

NOTARY: So, what now?

DEVIL: It’s time to get you registered. Right this way.

CLERK: ID Please?

NOTARY: Here it is. By the way, it’s hot in here!

DEVIL: Yeah, but it’s a dry heat.

CLERK: Have you visited Notary Hell before?

NOTARY: The time when my client wouldn’t turn down his TV came pretty close.

CLERK: Birth and death date

NOTARY: What’s the point, I’m dead aren’t I?

CLERK: Well, we like to keep track of these things. We like to keep accurate journal entries, just like good notaries are supposed to do — hint, hint.

NOTARY: Journal Schmournal. So, I kept a journal. People signed it. Big deal.

CLERK: We take these things very seriously in the brighter world. If it had been a lesser infraction, we would have sent you to Notary Heck.

NOTARY: Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

CLERK: If every notary were as negligent as you, the entire profession would be compromised. Ha! More business for me!

NOTARY: Okay, so what now?

CLERK: Now, we take you to your accommodations. Follow the demon dressed in red, and take a left at the pitchfork in the road.

NOTARY: Got it.

DEMON: Welcome to Notary Hell.

(walking to the notary’s accommodations)

NOTARY: Oh, look to the left. I didn’t know Saddam Hussein was a Notary.

DEMON: Little mix-up. We sent him to the wrong hell.

NOTARY: Oh look at those cauldrons, notaries are being boiled in oil.

DEMON: The one good thing about having Saddam around is that we never run out of oil.

NOTARY: Just out of curiosity, is there wifi here?

DEMON: No, but we have cable. We have the Kardashian channel playing 24/7.

NOTARY: Is this my cell?

DEMON: Here’s your palatial estate.

NOTARY: And you call this notary hell?

DEMON: Yeah, but now all your dead relatives know you have a palatial estate and they’ll be visiting you in one hour. And by the way, the thermostat is on the mantle. You can turn it down to 130 during daylight hours — if you like.

NOTARY: That’s quite thoughtful of you.

DEMON: Shhhh. don’t let that get out!

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You might also like:

Notary comedy articles about heaven & hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16640

Witnessing intake forms for Notary Heaven
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8832

Commission Impossible
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16067

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January 14, 2011

Certified Copy of an Apostille?

Filed under: Ken Edelstein,Technical & Legal — Tags: , — admin @ 10:00 am

Certified Copy of an Apostille?
Sometimes I am in awe of the machinations suggested to reduce notary fees. I have just been asked to process a college degree with an Apostille. Routine. However, the client also has asked me to additionally prepare a “certified copy” of the Apostille bearing document! Of course this is totally illegal; and it’s worthwhile to explore the issues involved.

“Student Copies” of educational related documents (degrees, transcripts, etc.) are illegal to notarize in New York State. Photocopies do not include the anti-tamper protections commonly incorporated into the original documents. “Photoshop Magicians” have been known to change the grades; raising their grade point average from a dismal 2.5 to a laudable 3.7. All done with just a few clicks of the mouse. Worse, there have been cases where only the name is changed on the degree – instant college education!

To put an end to this fraud, New York State has added educational related documents to the list of “copy may not be notarized” documents. Already on that list are Birth, Death, Marriage, Divorce and some other officially issued documents. With educational related documents, it is the Principal or Registrar who is the only authority to sign and be notarized. Their signature is on an original, even if it duplicates a prior issuance. Degrees are generally issued for Apostille processing as a letter, signed and notarized – attached to the actual degree. Both should contain the raised seal of the issuing institution.

Now to follow the processing trail. I notarize the signature of the Registrar on the letter with attached degree. My signature is authenticated by the State of New York and the signature of the County Clerk is added; attesting to my “good” standing as a New York State Notary. Then the document goes to the Department of State to receive an Apostille, after the signature of the New York County Clerk is verified. Finally the Apostille is added; with a tamper proof, non-removable grommet, such that pages cannot be added or removed.

The package now contains many signatures: The Registrar, the Notary, the County Clerk and the Secretary of State of the State of New York. Each one has added, in addition to their signature either a raised seal, or some other tamper resistant protection. It is for that reason that the package is acceptable for use in other countries.

Now comes a request for me, the humble notary to “certify” a copy of the entire package! It’s not even easy to make a copy because of the grommet holding the pages together. The only way to make a copy is to fold the prior pages “out of the way” leaving the grommet at the top left intact.

The photocopy would be a mess, and look it. But, it is technically possible; with parts of the underlying documents “cut off” because the non-removable grommet blocks the photocopying. OK, now http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com has a “somewhat” complete copy. How can I “certify” the copy? First, it’s illegal in New York State for a notary to certify ANY copy, only the owner of the document can make a statement that the copy is complete and unaltered; assuming it’s not on the “no photocopy” list. It’s common to notarize a photocopy of an electric bill to be part of proof of residency. But, it’s a long step from electric bill (with affiant present) to educational degree with Apostille attached and no affiant. The only legal way would be to do the complete job twice.

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How do I get an Apostille or Authentication?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1793

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