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December 27, 2020

New Year’s Resolutions for Notaries for 2021

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 4:06 am

Every year I come back to this topic. Sometimes I address it in a humorous way, and other times in a serious way. Notaries often procrastinate some of their responsibilities. Your business will do better if you are a little more proactive in certain ways. Here are my tips for 2021.

Supplies
Stock up on supplies like paper, toner, ink, get that new GPS system if it will help you, pens, stamps, Fedex envelopes, and whatever else you need.

Snacks
Notaries have to eat on the road and that is not always healthy unless you live near a Whole Foods or a Jamba Juice. But, you can have packages of nuts and dried fruits in the car, and then bring fresh fruit on a daily basis. Dried fruits have a lot of nutrition. Apricots, dates, plums, dried mangos, raisins, and other dried fruits are packed with many micronutrients, minerals, vitamins, iron, and more!

Education
The newer Notaries seem to take education a lot more seriously. I noticed a change in collective attitude about six months ago. It seems that Mark Wills at LSS is a force of motivation and enthusiasm to be reckoned with. His students seem to be popular on our site too. His course seems to be oriented towards practical issues like dealing with some of the types of signings that became popular in the last few years (that were not popular during my day sonny.)

123notary has a paid certification course with a hard test. Our testing standards are the hardest in the industry and those who use our site are aware of that. We also have a very interesting FREE course on the blog which people love called Notary Public 101 and we test people who completed that test and sometimes certify them. Most people don’t study enough, but you can make that your New Year’s resolution and it will benefit you for the rest of your career.

Notes
Your Notary profile has a notes section. I just reviewed several hundred of our most prominent notes sections on the site. I am sorry to say that few did a bang up job writing about themselves. I think that putting in a lot of effort to try and figure out what to say about yourself will really pay off. Those who use our site want to read what you have to say about yourself, so if you say very little, they are less likely to call you first. It might take a few hours to read our section on the blog called, “Your notes section” while taking notes. It might take a few more hours to write a great notes section. But, that is what successful notaries so, so if you want to be successful, invest some time in it, especially during the holidays.

Reviews
It is the same suggestion every year. Our notaries seem to have less reviews than a few years ago. The very experienced Notaries got old or died off. Most of our Notaries are new which is refreshing, but they need to have reviews too. Anyone who compliments you on your work – ask them for a review and send them a link to your review page. The link is above your name on your profile.

Company Names
It pays off to have a good company name and register it with your county. We have written many articles on the topic. Please read those articles. It takes hours of brainstorming and conversations with others to pick a great name for your company. It is worth the effort in the long run.

Review your state notary laws
Some people look to Notary agencies for advice, but to know your local laws, please refer to your notary division’s website. Most states have a notary division under their Secretary of State, but some have it under another state office. Review those laws, because you might have a quandry one day if you are not rock solid on Notary laws and procedures.

Summary
I think I better think up my resolutions for this year. I want to be better at time management, lose lots of weight and learn Chinese better. Never mind becoming a millionaire — I’ll save that for 2022.

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December 18, 2020

Why are the fees offered to us so low you ask?

Filed under: Carmen Towles,Popular on Facebook (A little) — admin @ 3:15 am

Why are the fees offered to us so low?
….because many of you keep taking them. Some folks are new to the profession and don’t know any better. They want to get experience at any cost. Others know better but take them because they are desperate and can’t seem to find better paying work. Whatever camp you fall in you should not be taking low fees. Why? Because it hurts all of us!

Let me give you some history on our profession. Years ago, it use to matter to signing services/companies who they used. There use to be oral and/or written tests given before they would hire you. And with the exception of a few they paid better and more timely. But those days are behind us. Most of them don’t seem really to care. They are looking for the most green, inexperienced notary so they can maximize THEIR profits. Most title and escrow pay anywhere from 150 to 300 per signing and the signing services know this even if you don’t. The money is allocated from borrowers closing fees and the (title/escrow) typically aren’t paying it out of their title/escrow fees, they are charging it the borrowers. So signings don’t cost them anything for the most part. (there are exceptions to this but no need to get into that now, that’s for another blog). 🙂

Many of you ask me why they use signing services in the first place. Bottom line is they use them for convenience. It is easier to just give the service the assignment and let them find a notary. It frees them up and saves them an enormous amount of time to follow lender instructions and make sure all conditions are met so they can close. But over the years as things have slowed up and due to many notary errors many have abandoned signing services altogether. So contrary to what many folks think many of them do still use notaries directly. But the notary signing professions is still over run with companies that are just out to maximize their profits. And this is our fault.

I had a notary just call in the other day and told me that she was offered a sellers package from a signing service for 20.00. (you know they were receiving WAY more than that) 20.00 dollars people! Unbelievable. Just take a moment and let that sink in. That paltry fee is not even worth starting your car up for. Here in Callie we get 15.00 per signature and then if you have to print (god only knows how many pages) and then take them to FedEx or UPS to ship them back, it is just not worth the time, energy or paper.

Now the saddest and worst part about this situation is probably not the ridiculously low fee of 20.00 being offered, it is the fact that although the notary speaking with me refused, we know somebody will/or did accept it. For those of you that have followed my blogs and or spoken with me, I predicted long ago that as long as there are notaries that take low fees, they would persist and they would eventually get lower and lower. That day has come. I too was just recently offered 65.00 to go to a place that is about 40 minutes from me. There were 2 copies needed to be printed, signed and dropped all at FedEx or UPS all for for 65.00. I would never accept such an assignment, even if I were desperate.

I know that a lot of folks don’t really understand this business and the learning curve is quite high. I also know that other notaries once they start to figure things out they don’t share information on pricing/fees. But we need to work together. We need to educate each other that fees need to be fair and reasonable. We are all in this to make a profit. And you can’t make a profit if others are making/taking the majority of the money (signing services) and you are undercutting one another just to say you had some work.

Remember, the goal is to work direct! Marketing and advertising is key to your success in reaching those title and escrow that have had it with signing services. It is time to works smart not hard. Know your worth.

Just some food for thought…

You might also like:

Travel fees if nothing gets signed
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22578

What are mobile notary fees?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21383

Notary Marketing 102 – negotiating fees
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19784

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November 28, 2020

$300 in 13 minutes. How Carmen cleans up in the Notary business

Originally posted in 2017

Carmen has always realized, or at least since 2005, that you can’t just do Notary work only. There are not enough high paying jobs to keep you busy. Those who try to be full-time Notaries end up taking a lot of low paying work just to stay busy. Carmen has always believed that you should combine signing agent work with another profession that is flexible, so that you can take an hour or so off during the day to do a signing.

Carmen normally makes about $150 or $175 per signing, and since she only accepts close jobs, she is often back home within 40 minutes. She preps her borrowers over the phone so she can get in and out without any delay.

But, a few weeks ago she got a job. The lady was a repeat customer and asked what Carmen wanted to charge. Carmen said $200. But, the lady was feeling generous, and wanted to be in good hands next time around, so she offered Carmen $300. Talk about being popular or having good signing karma.

Carmen printed the documents, went to the job, and was in and out in 13 minutes. The signers knew what they were doing. It was a construction loan or investment loan for seasoned investors who were fast at signing documents and had their lawyer prep them on what it all meant BEFORE the signing rather than detaining the Notary for two hours while they read every word of every page. So, Carmen got everything signed and notarized in minutes and was out the door. The signers were impressed and happy that it was such a painless experience.

Had they hired some other Notary, it might have been sluggish, incompetent, and the Notary might have shown up late, or dropped the package in a drop box rather than a staffed Fedex station. There is a reason why people pay extra to hire seasoned pros. But, you don’t find too many seasoned folks at SnapDocs. For the best Notaries in the biz, you need to visit 123notary.com!

$300 jobs don’t come every day. However, if you sell yourself short, you will never get any. If you can afford to do so, charge more, and take only jobs from people who value you. Otherwise you will be calculating your gas expenses and how much a ream of paper costs for the rest of your life — should you live so long!

.

You might also like:

Winging it as a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19644

How long should you wait to get paid?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19347

123notary elite Certification Study guide
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20118

Here is an easy way to make $4000 more per year
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14162

Do you take control at a signing?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21104

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October 30, 2020

I dropped the documents!

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 10:14 pm

Anybody who is a loan signing Notary knows that they need to drop documents. We have written articles on this topic before, but it is a loaded topic.

You can claim that you dropped the documents. But, some Notaries are liars, and how can title know that you aren’t? Should they just take your word for it?

If you drop documents in a drop box, there is a small chance that it will get picked up late, or not at all. The courier assigned to pick up from that box might quit and a new person might take the job not knowing that they are to pick up from that box. People do screw up in real life. Your package could be sitting in that drop box for a week while FedEx figures it out although that is rare. But, it happened to me once! Once contents of a drop box got stolen according to a story from one of our Notaries. I only heard of that once. There is a 1 in 1000 chance that your drop box might not get picked up. If you do a lot of signings, that could cost you a client or get you in big trouble. Additionally there is no proof that you dropped it in a particular box and you might not even remember what box you dropped it in.

If you drop at a manned station, that is a better idea. The box in their office will always get picked up, and often at a slightly later time than the drop boxes on the road.

I highly recommend you get paperwork from FedEx stating that you dropped the package at a particular time and place. You might need that evidence if you get in trouble.

The bottom line is be prepared, think ahead, and have as much evidence for what you did correctly. It is just like keeping your journal correctly. It is rare that your journal will be checked, but when it happens (roughly 1 in 2000 jobs gets checked, so it will happen eventually to you.) you need to be prepared or you get in a lot of trouble. You could even get arrested.

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May 22, 2020

What to do with signers who read too much

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:54 pm

Growing up, my father drove people crazy by slowly reading every part of long contracts while they had to sit and wait. I agree with him that reading contracts is essential. But, exasperating others is not nice. I think it is my karma being the son of a copious reader (that is his hobby by the way) to have signers who are just as bad (or diligent and good) as dad.

During my career, roughly half of my borrowers read too much. My average signing took a little more than an hour. I dealt with it. I was not too concerned unless they were delaying me from getting to another job. But, now that I am older, and value my time more, I realize this is no good. Three hour signings cannot happen.

You need a strategy for how you are going to deal with this. Here are some ideas. Put in the comments if you have other ideas.

1. During the confirmation call, let them know you are offering them “x” amount of minutes for the signing. I would offer more time to those paying you well to make sure you get rehired. For cheap signings, perhaps offer 45 minutes. Keep in mind that if they go over, you need to offer some leeway to avoid social friction (and getting fired). For signings that pay big bucks, you might allow up to two hours just to be nice. But, still emphasize that there is a limit. My personal experience was that the more I was paid, the faster the signing was. My worst client was a Lender whose borrowers always had to call him and ask painstakingly long questions on my time. The average phone call was 45 minutes which I had to sit through.

2. If you don’t give them a summary of your time offering before the signing, you can spring it on them at the signing. You explain that this is a signing appointment and not a reading appointment. You can explain that they have borrowers copies to read for the next 72 hours if this is a refinance for a primary residence, and that they can cancel after the fact. Explain that you have other appointments and have to leave in “x” amount of minutes whether the loan is signed or not out of courtesy for your subsequent appointments.

Having time limits might get you fired, not paid, or in trouble. But, if you want to make money as a signing agent, you need to book lots of appointments and nail them one by one. Or, you need to have two high paying jobs per day. 2 x $200 = $400 and $400 per day is a living — not a great living, but a living. If you make $80 per signing, you need to do at least five per day to get paid well and that means hustling and moving fast, especially at night when they might be back to back.

In the worst scenario, you might have to take the main copies signed or unsigned, put them in the Fedex and send them back. You can explain to the company that you ran out of time and that next time the Lender should explain the documents better to the signer AHEAD OF TIME otherwise they end up taking your time when you don’t have time. It is not a matter of what your time is worth — if you have another client waiting, it is an abuse of that other client’s time if you are late for any reason.

Please comment if you have better ideas, because this blog article is about playing rough which is not considered nice, but is the only way to get good income per hour spent. Otherwise you might get taken for a ride regularly.

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April 2, 2020

How Much Can I charge for a mobile notary assignment and be sure that I will get the job?

Filed under: Other Guest Bloggers — admin @ 8:48 am

There is no easy or definite answer but based on my experience over many years, I have the following suggestions.

First and foremost, don’t immediately say YES when you are asked if you are available to do a notary signing.

The first question should never be, “how much are you paying”? Instead ask informative questions.

When (day and time) do they need it, what type of signing is it (Loan, refinance, POA etc), where is it and how many signatures are being notarized?

If you are comfortable with the answers you get on the above questions even if you don’t get all of the answers, then proceed with getting further details.

Who has the documents? If they are going to email them to you, when is the latest you can get it? Do you need to print one or 2 sets? Do they want you to fax or scan & email them back or drop it at a FeDex or UPS office? I always tell them to email the borrower a copy of the loan documents so they can review them ahead of time and not waste your time reading all of it and ask you questions when you get there for the signing.

After going through your questions, now is a good time to ask them how much they pay for the notary signing and for you to negotiate. You know the distance, date, time and hopefully number of signatures to be notarized. You need to know how much your time is worth and is it worth driving 1 hour for $75 or $150. Be prepared to let them know your reasons for your fee. In Los Angeles, the traffic can set you back 2 to 3 hours depending on where and what time you are traveling. What revenue are you giving up during the travel time otherwise known as Opportunity Cost?

I was recently blindsided when I accepted a notary signing for $250/-. On the surface it seems like more money than the average signing. The two critical mistakes that I made are not finding out definitively if the loan signing is for California or out of state and total number of signatures to be notarized. Out of state loan documents especially New York require more notarizations which require that you prepare California Acknowledgments or Jurats. Never assume that the number of signatures notarized are generally the same at around 4 or 5 for loan signings. The number of signatures I notarized was 30, not including numerous signatures and initials. Without the traveling fee alone, I could have charged up to $450/-. The signers wanted me at their house on the west side of Los Angeles at exactly 6 p.m. because it was convenient for them. That is rush hour and I spent an hour and one half on the freeway and only got there at 6:30 p.m. and offered my apologies to the signers.

As I drove back at 8:30 p.m., I reflected on how I can avoid repeating my mistakes. Although I asked for the number of signatures to be notarized, they told me that they did not know. Going forward, if I was told that they did not know the number of notarizations, then I would confirm via email that the mobile fee is good for up to 6 signatures and anything more they will be charged an additional $15/signature notarized. Next, I will not accept any assignment that will force me to drive during rush hour. If they insist, I will charge an additional fee depending on how long I expect to be stuck in traffic. If they don’t want to pay, that is fine. They can find another notary but at least I am valuing my time and they will know it.

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February 9, 2020

2012 complication of best posts

Filed under: Compilations — admin @ 9:50 am

Here are some of our best posts from 2012.

TECHNICAL

What is signature by X?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2278

Information about various notary procedures
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2268

Rules for notarizing a bedridden person
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2243

Backdating from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2424

All you need to know about notary work
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2354

Can a notary notarize a birth certificate?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2300

Fraud and forgery in the notary profession
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2294

Do I notarize every page of the document?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2280

Notary boiler plate wording
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2432

Notarization dates, Document dates & Signature dates!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2421

Sending loose certificates is illegal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2470

Can a notary sign on a different day?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2457

Don’t drop the Fedex in the drop box!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2831

Protecting yourself with a contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

Tips for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3360

STORIES

Borrowers and their filthy homes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2214

Power of Attorney at a nursing home
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2305

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

20 stories about animals at signings
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3074

5 books every notary should own (and read)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3668

3 notaries walk into a bar
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3660

I make mistakes too
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3639

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January 19, 2020

How to be a cool Notary and why it is so important

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 10:37 am

Are you a cool Notary? Have you ever wanted to be? We have a Notary in San Francisco whose clients describe him (in reviews) as being young and hip. I think he is the only successful notary on our site who is both young and hip, not to mention articulate. But, what about the rest of us. What makes a Notary cool, and how can you become cool. Or is this a zen paradox and you become cool by not trying to be? Hmmm.

1. Knowledge
I think a cool Notary would be one who either knows his stuff so fluently that he can spout out information in a calm tone of voice without breaking a sweat. Most Notaries get flustered with easy questions like, “How many loans have you signed?” To most that is a trick question.

2. Coolness
A cool Notary would be too cool to care, but would also never miss deadlines for Fedex. It would be kind of a James Bond type cool where you are responsible and cunning in your coolness.

3. Savoir Faire (That’s French for being able to handle tough
situations gracefully) The “cool” Notary should know martial arts and swordsmanship (speaking of James Bond) and be able to go to a signing, fight off intruders using num-chucks, wipe the sweat off his brow after a stunning victory and then say, “now where were we?”

4. Dress
A cool Notary should dress the part. Smart Italian shoes, slacks that fit impeccably, and a leather jacket that says bad boy all over it. For women, a snazzy outfit, not sure what type because I’m not a woman, but definitely flashy and with high heels with an accompanying noticeable hair style.

5. The Car
You cannot be a cool Notary without a cool and hip car. New is usually hip. But, a classic car would work even better. Just tell them you’re a Leno fan and everyone will understand.

6. Poise and Posture.
The proper gentleman stands up straight. But, the cool Notary casually leans on things and holds his head at an angle to show style and perhaps a little bit of attitude too. But, not too much attitude, because too much attitude is edgy which is just as cool as cool, but not the same thing as cool — I guess. How would I know anyway, I’m neither. Just kidding — I’m both, baby!

7. Smoothness
If you are able to work your way smoothly through the package anticipating and answering their every question before they even ask, that is cool. Dealing with all the snags and changes of plans in your signing schedule without even blinking? Yes, once again, that spells cool.

Being a cool notary may sound like it is merely cool. But, think about it from the borrower’s point of view or title. Do you want to deal with a Notary who is awkward and doesn’t know how to handle things or would you prefer someone like Carmen who is the most graceful Notary alive who can handle anything seamlessly without even trying? There is a reason why Carmen gets paid triple what the rest of you get paid. That is because she is a flamboyant, and polished Notary who is cool in her own way — and yes, she has a cool sporty car to match as well. Being cool attracts good clients, so if you think being cool doesn’t matter — turn down the heat because it does!

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October 1, 2019

Getting paid – a comprehensive timeline

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 11:17 pm

Many Notaries have a problem getting paid. It’s not you — it’s the industry. But, by using good principles, you can avoid most of the drama. Here are some guidelines to help you through every step of the process.

BEFORE THE SIGNING
When you get that call from a particular company, you need to either have records on each company out there, or be able to look them up. That means you either need online records on a cloud, or accessible from your iPhone, or have a cheat sheet in your glove compartment with up to date records on all signing companies. You need to keep track of:

1. How many jobs have they given you
2. Payment record — average # of days to pay
3. How much outstanding
4. Are they pleasant to work for
5. Cancellation rate.
6. What is their track record on the forums and 123notary’s list of signing companies.

If company cancels too much, you should up their rate or make them pay a cancellation fee or nonrefundable deposit up front, otherwise you will be left holding the bag (and the freshly printed documents.) If a company owes you more than a few hundred, you should deny service until they pay up. If a company has no track record with you, please consider asking them to pay up front via Paypal. If you are a newer signing agent and desperate to get experience, you should be more flexible and take more risks so you get experience. People who use 123notary reward Notaries for having a lot of experience.

You can check new companies on your iPhone while on the road to see how they do on the various forums and 123notary’s list of signing companies with reviews. If a company has a bad track record of payment, you should charge up front or you will likely get stiffed. Some of these companies have no remorse.

CONFIRMING THE SIGNING
Confirming the signing using our tips in the real life scenarios section of Notary Public 101 will not help you get paid, but will help you reduce the amount of signings that end in mid-air. If the signer doesn’t have ID with matching names, or if the other signers aren’t going to be there, or if they don’t have that cashier’s check they need — you are better off not going to their house as it will be a waste of time. Signings that end in “no signs” often do not get paid, so by avoiding this type of scenario, you will have less unpaid jobs as a total percentage.

AT THE SIGNING — MISTAKES
Most Notaries brag about how they have a 99.9% accuracy rate. The truth is that most Notaries make mistakes from time to time, and sometimes FedEx or the Lender screws up too resulting in a second trip. In my experience it is very hard to get paid for a second trip. Companies will often offer to pay, and then not pay you. So, triple checking your work and getting packages to FedEx fast will help reduce your rate of non-paying jobs and also help you from getting fired as much.

AFTER THE SIGNING — FAX
After you are done with your signing, fax a bill and include all pertinent information such as the borrower’s name, property address, loan number, and whatever else the signing or title company wants. Send a bill every week by fax or email or whatever medium your company wants. Also, keep records of every signing company you work for, and all of the jobs they assigned to you. When they pay you, you can indicate the date when they paid you to the right of the job description, borrower name, property address on your records. Your records can be paper or online. It is very fast to do this by paper by the way and less chance of data loss unless you keep the paper in your car.

EVERY MONTH — RECORDS
Every month or so, update your records that you keep in your car. Keep records on each signing company. Track how many jobs they gave you, how fast they pay, what they still owe you, how much you like them. You can assign them a grade too. You can have a customized pricing strategy for each company depending on their track record. You can give lower prices for companies you like. I would base prices on estimated time spent and NOT a fixed price. You could have a — near, medium and far price, or a price that is more intricate depending on number of pages, number of signers, distance, time of day, etc. That is up to you. But, having an intricate pricing strategy will make your life a little more complicated, but will weed out the more difficult companies, or at least make them pay for grief they cause you. Otherwise, those companies will think they can get away with causing Notaries endless headaches. You could keep two sets of these records and update them monthly. One at home and one in the car. If someone offers you a job, don’t quote a price until you look at your records and see if they are on the “A” list.

30 DAYS
If a company is past 30 days, time to consider sending them a demand letter. Or you could wait until the 45 day mark depending on how tough you are. We have a demand letter (from hell) template on our resources page. People have had consistently excellent luck with it, and it was given to us by our very most seasoned Notaries on the site.

45-60 DAYS
If anyone gets to this point, definitely send them a demand letter, but consider hiring an Attorney to write a letter threatening them. There are Attorneys who will write a letter for about $30 using their legal assistants. If a company owe you $300 or more, it might be worth it to write a letter. You can also charge for damages which include your time lost and legal fees.

CONTRACTS
We wrote another article on contracts. Signing companies have contracts to protect their interests. Their contract defends what is convenient and good for the signing company but not what is good for the Notary. You can have your own contract too and make people sign it if they want your services. If you are inexperienced, many companies might not sign it. But, if they need you and you have experience, they just might. You can state terms about partial signings, no shows, cancelled jobs, printing fees, resigns, and whatever else you want. Try to be reasonable in your terms if you expect anyone to sign it and continue using your services.

CREDIT
Try to determine before hand how much credit to offer to particular companies. This needs to be customized. Companies with a bad track record should not get any credit and must pay up front. Companies that have been solid towards you for years might get $400. But, don’t offer more than that because good companies turn bad all the time the minute they run into credit problems. Each company you work for should have a credit rating with you and an individual amount of credit you will offer them. When they offer you a job, see how much they are in debt to you already before saying yes, otherwise — it’s Paypal — or no job!

Trouble getting paid?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15339

Tips for getting paid
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19794

Scary results when someone uses our demand letter from hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2006

Template for our famous demand letter
http://www.123notary.com/howto-get-paid-signing-agent.htm

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July 7, 2019

Notary vs. Hitman: Dollars per minute

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 2:47 am

Have you ever stopped to think about the pay differential between a Notary and a hit man? Notaries are always complaining that they don’t get paid enough and don’t get any respect. You would get respect if you were a hit man though. You could even advertise on one of those hit man websites.

Hit man profile (fictional… of course!)
I am responsible and reliable. Once you hire me the job is as good as done. I always confirm my appointments, show up on time, and hire a professional cleaner who I call, “Da cleanuh.” All I ask is to be paid on time, otherwise you might end up being on my list of assignments… capiche? Just make sure you include a return FeDex package with every assignment, and let me know if the job has any special considerations or if you want me to do the job in a particular special way. I’m experienced with guns, knives, clubs, bats, maces, machetes, numchucks, strangulation (for an additional fee), and more. Long distance no problem and we specialize in bilingual hits. Hablamos Espanol y Italiano. Additionally, if you hired the wrong guy to save money and he left work uncompleted, I do clean ups as well.

If you don’t pay a Notary, they just sit and whine. But, if you don’t pay a hit man, guess what happens. Hit men get respect — Notaries don’t. Of course Notaries spend less time in jail in general unless you are like Harry who engaged in Real Estate fraud using his Notary seal – don’t be like Harry.

A Notary can make $20 to $40 average per hour doing signings depending on what the job is, and how far it is. But, a hit man might get $50,000 for a job that might take a few hours to plan and an hour to “execute.” There is more risk involved, and probably more skill. But, look at the bright side, as a hit man, you don’t have to deal with the county recorder or the IRS! A hit man’s salary could be computed as $100 per minute if you work out the math. A good hit man only needs to do two or three jobs per year and the rest of the year can be taken off lounging at an Italian villa, or in a not so Italian jail cell. Such an efficient use of time.

So, the basic break down is 50 cents a minute being a Notary vs. $100 per minute being a hit man with possible jail time. Which do you choose? But, there’s more. Hit men end up in hell making it not worth it no matter what they get paid. Notaries go to whiners purgatory where they whine about not getting paid, but at least don’t get burned in scalding oil every day. So, you are better off being a Notary, so try to learn to be good at it.

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