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July 7, 2019

Notary vs. Hitman: Dollars per minute

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 2:47 am

Have you ever stopped to think about the pay differential between a Notary and a hit man? Notaries are always complaining that they don’t get paid enough and don’t get any respect. You would get respect if you were a hit man though. You could even advertise on one of those hit man websites.

Hit man profile (fictional… of course!)
I am responsible and reliable. Once you hire me the job is as good as done. I always confirm my appointments, show up on time, and hire a professional cleaner who I call, “Da cleanuh.” All I ask is to be paid on time, otherwise you might end up being on my list of assignments… capiche? Just make sure you include a return FeDex package with every assignment, and let me know if the job has any special considerations or if you want me to do the job in a particular special way. I’m experienced with guns, knives, clubs, bats, maces, machetes, numchucks, strangulation (for an additional fee), and more. Long distance no problem and we specialize in bilingual hits. Hablamos Espanol y Italiano. Additionally, if you hired the wrong guy to save money and he left work uncompleted, I do clean ups as well.

If you don’t pay a Notary, they just sit and whine. But, if you don’t pay a hit man, guess what happens. Hit men get respect — Notaries don’t. Of course Notaries spend less time in jail in general unless you are like Harry who engaged in Real Estate fraud using his Notary seal – don’t be like Harry.

A Notary can make $20 to $40 average per hour doing signings depending on what the job is, and how far it is. But, a hit man might get $50,000 for a job that might take a few hours to plan and an hour to “execute.” There is more risk involved, and probably more skill. But, look at the bright side, as a hit man, you don’t have to deal with the county recorder or the IRS! A hit man’s salary could be computed as $100 per minute if you work out the math. A good hit man only needs to do two or three jobs per year and the rest of the year can be taken off lounging at an Italian villa, or in a not so Italian jail cell. Such an efficient use of time.

So, the basic break down is 50 cents a minute being a Notary vs. $100 per minute being a hit man with possible jail time. Which do you choose? But, there’s more. Hit men end up in hell making it not worth it no matter what they get paid. Notaries go to whiners purgatory where they whine about not getting paid, but at least don’t get burned in scalding oil every day. So, you are better off being a Notary, so try to learn to be good at it.

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