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January 31, 2011

Have you ever broken down on a busy street with no shoulder?

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 12:21 am

This is a tip for mobile Notaries, pizza delivery people, and others who are on the road a lot. I am no longer a Notary Public, but I still drive a fair amount. I drove to the beach at night to enjoy the relaxing environment at Pacific Palisades. I do this once a week unless I am out of town or busy. The negative ions from the Pacific ocean are really theraputic and I always feel much better afterwards.

My plans were ruined
But, this time, I was going to rush to a bar to hang out with people and enjoy some root beer (sorry, no alcohol folks). I took Sunset Blvd to drive to West Hollywood to hang out at Genghis Cohen Chinse Restaurant & Bar in hopes of seeing old acquaintances. So, as I was driving down Sunset, my car lots all connection to the transmission and started making horrible noises when in gear. I pulled over in thick traffic and tried to figure out what was wrong. The engine sounded super in neutral. But, when in any gear I heard this noise that sounded like gears treading on gears making a drill type noise. Ugh. In any case, it sounded like I broke a timing belt or some other belt, or perhaps snapped a gear if that is possible. I am not a mechanic, so I am just making reasonable guesses based on the conditions.

Sunset Blvd goes far too fast
Sunset Blvd. is a street where people are going 30-50 miles per hour on a street with two lanes on each side, generally no shoulder, and lots of curves that impede visibility. It is easy to have a head on collision going around curves if there is another car next to you going the same direction and someone drunk on the other side coming at you. People in that area are always impatient and in a huge hurry. It is not uncommon to see deadly accidents in that part of town on hilly or windy roads because people go far too fast. Although the local houses are all worth more than a million, you are in a lot of danger in that area due to the culturally ingrained road rage.

No breakdown lane or shoulder
So, I was broken down. I tried to get into the right lane weaving through other cars with my blinkers on. I managed to get to the curb, but since the car stopped moving, I could not get as close as I wanted. My rear was about two feet from the curb and my front was six inches. Cars were whizzing around and came within inches of my car. The cars in the right land could not get into the left lane if there were other cars in it which made the situation very dangerous. I felt terrified as I decided to get out of the car and call AAA. The lady at AAA was very nice to me. They called the police and a tow truck. But, neither came for the longest time. The AAA lady said she would stay on the phone with me as long as I liked which was comforting.

Directing traffic.
I stood in the middle of the right lane pointing cars to slow down or stop and get in the other lane. But, they ignored me and almost ran me down and still almost crashed into my 2004 Corolla which I love. I didn’t want to get a new car because the transmission in the older cars is more agreeable than the seven speed in the newer Corollas which changes gears every three seconds which is really annoying. Then, I got a better idea. I got my military flashlight from the car. That way cars would see me from further away. But, since they were coming around a curve and then hitting a light before they saw me, they still ignored me. They still were coming within inches of hitting my precious old car that I love so dearly. Maybe I should have shined the light directly in their faces like some obnoxious lady cop was doing at the airport. It is the only way to get people to stop ignoring you. Great idea!

Security finally showed up
A security car that looked like a police car finally showed up. He had bright orange lights on the top of his vehicle that made my break down more visible. Ten minutes later my tow truck came. He was very experienced and got me loaded up within thirty seconds and sped away at break neck speeds. He got me into my parking spot at home beautifully as well. I told him how impressed I was, because backing up with a trailer is a skill.

Precautions
To all of you people who are on the road a lot, it might make sense to practice dealing with dangerous situations ahead of time so you don’t freak out. Here are some suggestions.

1. Practice changing a tire, and make sure your spare has air in it after sitting in your trunk for years. Inspect it regularly.

2. Know where your flares are. A flare can save you from getting hit.

3. Have a few flashlights in the car, and perhaps some batteries that fit them. I have a hiking head flashlight (miner style) and a military flashlight and a regular flashlight.

4. If you break down on a busy road, stand 200 feet behind the vehicle on the curb and tell the drivers to slow down and use a flashlight if you have one. Rehearse this in your mind ahead of time so you will be ready when you are frazzled.

5. Know where your AAA card is. If you don’t have Triple A, consider getting it because they are life savers and also you can get discounts on hotels, maps, and other services with AAA.

6. Know the schedule of your reliable repair people. I prefer Toyota, but I had bad luck with the new owners of downtown Toyota, so I will have to try a new branch. They are not normally open on Sundays, so that creates an issue because today is Sunday and I am broken down in my parking spot at home. Hmmm.

7. If you are in an unsafe or remote area, having a gun is not a bad idea. I would never carry one until the world goes to hell, but you might consider it.

8. Make sure your cell phone is charged up at all times because you never know when you are going to need it.

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January 22, 2011

The (Sleezy) Notary Motel

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , , — admin @ 7:08 am

We wrote about the Notary Hotel. That was one of most popular blog entries ever. But, what about Notary Motel. It’s just not as much fun at all. Imagine a sleezy Notary Motel. The clerk yells, “You have to be out of here by 10:30AM whether you are done signing or not.” The staff are always on the lookout for fake ID and compare all ID’s to the DMV’s database. This motel smelled like smoke in every room even though there were no smoking signs. Every time a car parked in the central lot, you could hear them slam their doors. Worse yet, I learned that in room 202, a Notary was turning signings in her room. There goes the neighborhood. There were people going in and out of that room all night long. One guy was in such a hurry to get out of there, he left his signatures hanging out as he exited the building.

SIGNER: Doing my signing here is terrible. What is that pounding noise on the wall.

NOTARY: Hmm, maybe they have a gym in the next room. Having fitness rooms is so popular these days.

SIGNER: The one thing I do like is that the parking lot in front looks like a Notary stamp. It is rectangular, the perimeter is very geometric with all of the parking spaces exactly in place. And in the middle it says the state, county, and the motel’s commission #.

NOTARY: Hmm, I didn’t notice that. Oh, I hear another noise coming from outside. Oh look, it is another Notary wearing wife beaters chasing his client into the parking lot.

OTHER NOTARY: Hey, sign this paper or else I’m leaving buddy.

OTHER SIGNER: Fine, take it and stuff it.

OTHER NOTARY: You owe me a travel fee. I hope you got cash!

OTHER SIGNER: I’m leaving.

SIGNER: Boy, what a place this Notary Motel is. I think we would have been much better off having our signing in the breakfast room of the Notary Hotel having one of those embossed waffles and then going to one of their signature rooms.

NOTARY: Yes, if we lived in a perfect world. But, if we lived in a perfect world, nobody would have to go to Notary Hell when they died either.

SIGNER: Good point. But, they go there because they have been bad Notaries, which is not the fault of the world. Okay, I’m done signing.

NOTARY: Great, just make sure you don’t walk out with one of their towels. They’ve been ripped off so many times they put microchips in those things to track them.

SIGNER: I’m not that desperate. Hey, who’s that sleazy looking lady in the parking lot. She looks like she is on drugs or something.

LADY: $10 dollars for a signature. $5 dollars for half a signature. I’ll sign anything you want!

GUY: Hey baby, wanna do a signing? Hop in!

NOTARY: I think we need to get out of here. I didn’t know it was this bad!

.

You might also like:

Welcome to the Notary Hotel
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8822

Notary Oscars
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16540

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January 19, 2011

Phone interaction tutorial

Some notaries wonder why they are not getting any good Title companies to work with them. When we call some of these notaries up, we see within seconds why they are not popular. First, the way some people answer the phone is horrendous.

===================

Bad phone answering skills

“Hullo?”.

Do we have to guess who we are talking to? Or should we introduce your next assignment to your son because you forgot to announce yourself over the phone and we can’t tell you apart from your son?

Do your children answer your phone? Big no-no. How about your spouse? If you are a husband and wife team, that is understandable, but you still need separate cell numbers and you still need to let us know who you are when we call you. Otherwise we have to ask.

Title: Hi this is Marg from XYZ Title, may I speak to Susan please
Susan: (abruptly) WHO is this?
Title: I think I introduced myself very clearly — this is Marj from XYZ Title, may I speak to Susan please
Susan: Okay
Title: Okay, are you Susan?
Susan: Yes it is

Title: You made me work very hard just to try to decipher who you were. Are you going to be this difficult working with? I had to repeat who I was twice while you evaded announcing who you were. I am not the only person who needs to give information around here, especially if I am paying. I will call someone else. Thanks.

It is very rude to make someone repeat who they are before you reveal your secret information about who YOU are. If you are rude to Title companies, they have plenty of other inexperienced and unprofessional notaries to choose from.

======================

Background noise

Is there background noise when you answer the phone? Are there screaming children or other noise. You should apologize about the noise as soon as you can and move out of the noisy area. Otherwise, nobody will have patience for you.

=======================

Someone else answering the phone?

If you are in business for yourself, it is extremely unprofessional to have someone else answering the phone for you. However, if they introduce themselves professionally and can carry on a professional sounding conversation, it might be tolerated. The worst thing you can do is to have a busy-body answer your phone for you who pushes their unwanted helpfulness on a caller.

Title: Hi, this is Marg from XYZ Title, may I speak to Susan please
Fred: Susan is not here, but I can help you.
Title: Thanks for your offer Fred, but I would like to Speak to Susan please, and I clearly requested that I wanted to speak to Susan
Fred: Can I help you with something? I can do everything that Susan can do
Title: You are being a bit pushy Fred. I am calling for Susan. I do NOT wish to conduct my business with someone other than Susan.

Please notice how Fred is offering unwanted help and trying to push it down Susan’s unwilling throat. This happens a lot when I call people. They don’t take no for an answer and get in trouble with me as a result for rudeness.Notice how Fred didn’t once offer to take a message for Susan. He was pushy and very unhelpful in the ways that Marg might have wanted to be helped. What a headache.

======================

Asking people to repeat

Do you have other people keep repeating everything they said. Are you paying attention? Or can you just not think clearly, so to avoid having to respond to something you don’t know how to respond to, you ask people to repeat. If you are in a noisy place, or have a glitch in your cell coverage, you might apologize for the sudden static in your cell phone. Tell them that you heard the “I need you there at…. blank o’clock” part. That way they know you are listening and heard everything but the one critical word. That is acceptable. But, if you loudly say, “WHAT?” after everything the other person says, they are not going to hire you. Roughly 15% of our notaries are people who ask us to repeat ourselves multiple times during a conversation. It is very unpleasant and nobody is going to want to pay money to someone who is such a poor communicator.

=====================

Unprofessional remarks and behavior

(1) Oh yeah, you’re calling about that notary thing. (are we in Junior High still?)

(2) I just got my notary. (you mean your notary commission?)

(3) I just got off the phone with the customer, (you mean the borrower)

(4) Annoying or harsh music on your answering machine is considered unprofessional too

(5) Not having your name stated on your answering machine is unprofessional as well.

(6) Not knowing your basic loan signing terms and procedures is unprofessional and dangerous

(7) Answering the phone only to tell someone that you are in a signing. If you are in a signing and can’t talk, then why are you answering the phone?

(8) Answering the phone to tell someone that now is not a good time to talk. Why not let them leave a message if now is such a bad time.

(9) Answering the phone and telling them that you already sent the documents back when you don’t even know who is calling. Do you ASSUME that you are talking to the signing company from that job that you are at right now when it is someone completely different? Dumb!

(10) I’m certified. (you failed to mention which entity certified you)

=========================

Notes section

Most notaries do not include any unique information in their notes section. Instead they start off by talking about the least consequential information you can think of such as E&O insurance, background screening, and the fact that they are certified. Everyone on 123notary is certified by someone. It won’t get you ahead unless you have the 123notary certification icon. Indicating that you are NNA certified on our site will win you 0% more clicks since 90% of everyone else on 123notary is also NNA certified. You might as well say, “Hire me because I have two arms and two legs.”

Write about what makes you unique. Talk about your experience. Number of loans signed. Number of years as a Mortgage Broker. Specific types of loans signed. Do you offer last minute service? How many miles is your radius? Information that is unique to you.

The other notaries all claim to be dependable, reliable and professional, yet only 10% of them actually meet our standards for these adjectives so they sound phony. Do you sound phony? Talk about something that sounds REAL and UNIQUE. If you were a school teacher for 25 years, then you can claim to be good at nitpicking other people’s work and noticing all of their mistakes and everyone reading your notes will believe you.

========================

Tone

Some people just start out sounding unpleasant. Their words might be good ones, but their tone just doesn’t sound appealing at all. Talk to me on a bad day and I have tone too. But, some people always have tone. Try to sound pleasant when talking to clients or prospective clients.

=========================

Arguing

Do you argue with clients? They want it their way. Don’t say, “Well I usually xyz”. Nobody wants to hear this. You should be asking them how they want it done? Would you like tomatoes on that? Now you are talking! Don’t accuse your clients of being overly demanding. Do they pay you? Then work for them and do what they want for the right price.

===========================

Vagueness & Rambling

Do you answer questions with vague answers?

Q. How far do you go?

A. Well, I usually cover Carbon county, but I might go to Hutchinson county if it is not too far in because my niece lives there and ….

Q. Lady, can you just tell me your radius in miles please without your life story?

A. Oh, well, it depends.

Q. Thanks for the help, I’ll call someone else

People in the signing industry are tired of this type of run around. Just answer the question the way it was phrased.

Q. Can you get the documents sent back to me tonight?

A. Well, it depends on where the signing is, because it is East of me, there is no drop box, but then if it is South, I could come around on highway 19, and then I could…

Q. Just tell me if you can get the documents back to me tonight… the signing is in Waxahatchie

A. Oh, well in that case, that is Southwest, so let me spend five minutes calculating while I keep you tied up on the phone… hmmm.

Q. Never mind, I’ll call someone else who can drop it in the drop box tonight.

Boy, what a hassle. This is not brain surgery here. Just say, “Yes, I’ll get it in the drop box tonight — guaranteed!”. And then do it.

=========================

Basically, we put up with a lot of unprofessional behavior. The smart notaries tend to be argumentative while the newer notaries often can’t function at all. Communicating is very hard for many, as they can not make a simple request without telling you their life story. Nobody has patience for this. People at signing companies deal with 100 notaries per day, and need their questions answered fast, and there is no time for nonsense. If you can’t communicate and do your job correctly, you will be sitting on the bench your entire career. It is not that difficult to be a notary. Just know your terminology and procedures, and learn to communicate effectively.

NINJA COURSE
In our Ninja Notary Marketing Course we will be teaching more on refined interaction skills, notes sections, marketing, analysis, higher level notary & signing skills, interviews with our best notaries, plus much more! Email us about our NINJA Course today!

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March 25, 2010

Recurring popular tweets

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 11:43 am

(1) Iphone 7 Siri to be more advanced. Voice changes depending on quality of signing company calling you

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

(2) Tight schedules are part of being a notary. But, don’t make it too tight or u’ll start feeling tightness in your chest!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9819

(3) How can you survive in any business if you don’t carry yourself like a pro?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9312

(4) You need to keep meticulous records to determine whose at fault if there’s a mistake!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9291

(5) Most of the notaries complaining that they can’t make money are notaries who didn’t do their homework.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9265

(6) To handle an Elite Signer you have to be an Elite Notary. Now you are going way beyond competent to reaching beyond perfection –
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8628

(7) Notary Heaven Section 263: That’s where we put good notaries who didn’t make their child support payments.

Witnessing the intake forms for Notary Heaven

(8) At The Notary Hotel: they didn’t observe the don’t disturb sign while I was reading the Settlement Statement!

Welcome to the Notary Hotel

(9) Al: “If it weren’t for us signing services, notaries wouldn’t work!” Carmen thinking: “Is this guy serious?”

Who really needs who?

(10) Notary: “I’m not the mistress, I’m the notary!” Wife: “Then why were u driving late last night w/ur lights off?”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(11) Mint… and Meant to be – when her passion for ice cream & a notary aligned.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=7023

(12) The notary has this big clamp, and if you’re not good, he’ll clamp you with it, and it will hurt!

Honey, I notarized the kids (don’t try this at home)

(13) Real Estate Brokers need to get real! You don’t know ur loan docs as well as you think you do!

Does Real Estate experience help as a notary?

(14) Clearly stating how far you’ll travel is very good for your business

10 quick changes to your notes that double your calls!

(15) Most notaries on our site not certified by us have roughly half the loan signing knowledge.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8520

(16) If others create obstacles for you, then create policies for dealing with these problems instead of complaining. Winners find solutions.

He made $35,000 a month his first year in business?

(17) A great conversation on the phone often attracts jobs and good reviews, which attracts more jobs. Always answering the phone helps!

A great attitude gets the most jobs

(18) The TSA will be involved in notary signings. It will be illegal to bring sharp objects to signings.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6461

(19) The Notary takes $10 million in drug money to the Title company by accident.

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box

(20) Kids play “cowboys and Indians.” No child on record has been caught playing “notary publics and document holders.”

Tomorrow’s Notary Publics

(21) Not getting paid on time? It’s because u didn’t look within to research these dead-beat companies.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4825

(22) The notary asked, “Can I get an Alaskan moose with Russian dressing. They’re our next door neighbors!”

My date with Jeremy

(23) If customers come 2u, let’em know if they don’t show up on time, they’ll only have 3 minutes grace period. –

The Starbucks notary wises up!

(24) A creaking noise; a sudden thump; This was a notary signing that would raise the dead. #victorianmansion
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3464

(25) The rock climbing notary admitted that many of his friends were addicted to cracks.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4135

(26) Vampire Notary: “I like your ID picture. You have nice rosy cheeks, you must have good circulation, do you work out?”

Vampire Notaries: 24 hour service

(27) Notary topics: Hand-written docs, Blanks in docs, seal over wording, loose certificates, overseas docs.

Signing agent best practices: 63 points

(28) A man in prison was refinancing his home to get money to hire Attorneys. What was he in prison for?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3365

(29) 1 borrower felt she was being cheated, whipped out a rifle and said, “Oh no you don’t!”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3329

(30) The guy had a female mannequin in his living room. He said he had it there because he felt alone.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3178

(31) The Attorney General investigated the Lender & the 3 notaries involved & busted Susie for fraud.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2961

(32) A Notary accepted a job, then cancelled right before the signing when she learned the signing co. had a bad payment record.

California notaries with complaints

(33) Once I put a FedEx in the drop box that never got delivered. FedEx found it a week later still in the box!

Don’t put the Fedex in the drop box!

(34) When you call people back, don’t expect them to know who you are — announce your name right away!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=973

(35) Everything you need to know about journals, but were afraid to ask.

Everything you need to know about journals

————————–
5+ tweets
————————–

(36) If a signing company calls with bad reviews, Siri’s tone of voice will sound suicidal using this new app.

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

(37) Everyone makes mistakes, it’s how willing you are to make amends for them that determine your success w/clients.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=9291

(38) iPhone 7 Notary to go app tells you if neighbors or kids are too close to your car

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

(39) Hmm. It says here on your Akashic records that you were a good notary. You never backdated.

Witnessing the intake forms for Notary Heaven

(40) After being tested out on seven different signing agents, the iPhone 7 provides Siri with badly needed automated therapy.

New Notary Apps for the iPhone 7 that you’ve never dreamed of!

(41) The notary heaven clerk noted that his commission seal expired after he did.

Witnessing the intake forms for Notary Heaven

(42) At The Notary Hotel, Showtime & HBO are free, but the Signing Channel costs $40 (not including fax backs)

Welcome to the Notary Hotel

(43) Notary purgatory: For all of eternity, dead notaries get clients who sign differently on each page.

Witnessing the intake forms for Notary Heaven

(44) Check out the digital signature rooms at The Notary Hotel

Welcome to the Notary Hotel

(45) The only reason Title/Escrow use signing services is that it is “convenient” for them!

Who really needs who?

(46) Who really needs who? Do notaries need signing services? Do Title co’s need signing services?

Who really needs who?

(47) The wife had postponed the signing from 7:30 to 9:30pm so she would know where her husband was at that nightly hour.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(48) I cut up an ink pad and made a cardboard box that read “notarized” backwards like a mirror image.

Honey, I notarized the kids (don’t try this at home)

(49) After we were done w/the “signing of silence,” I saw a car driving slow w/their lights turned off. #mistress
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(50) Frank: “Honey, I notarized the kids.” Molly: “What do you mean?” Frank: “I’ll explain later, don’t call the police!”

Honey, I notarized the kids (don’t try this at home)

(51) Wife: “Are you the notary or the mistress?” Notary: “I’m the notary, the mistress isn’t coming until later on (I guess)”
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(52) The number of years you’ve been in business isn’t as important as the number of loans.

10 quick changes to your notes that double your calls!

(53) Needless to say, it was the most awkward Wisconsin notary signing in the world.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8377

(54) 123notary certified notaries get 78% more clicks and 2.5x the business as 123notary uncertified notaries in similar positions!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8520

(55) Not getting Title co clients? See if your notes section conveys ur the type of notary they’re looking for.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4825

(56) Running 123notary is more like babysitting than you think, “Did you update your listing? Did you update your notes? Did you renew yet?”

My date with Jeremy

(57) After the signing w/Vampire Notary, the 4 of them enjoyed a sip of Sangria (the Italian word for BLOOD)

Vampire Notaries: 24 hour service

(58) “FedEx?” I said. “Why FedEx?” “That’s where my dates always end–at a FedEx drop box.”

My date with Jeremy

(59) The day after the signing w/the Vampire Notaries the wife asked: “Fred, what are those strange marks on your neck?”

Vampire Notaries: 24 hour service

(60) Running 123notary is like a cross between babysitting & a marriage. A bunch of situations that never end!

My date with Jeremy

(61) Don’t go to houses that smell bad #mobilenotary

Signing agent best practices: 63 points

(62) People who are so emotional & irrational aren’t always capable of using weapons responsibly, especially at a signing!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3329

(63) Notary contracts, fees at the door, background screening signing co’s, call Title if not paid on time.

Signing agent best practices: 63 points

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