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December 9, 2019

Notary TV Network

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:30 am

Welcome to NTVN — the network for Notaries.

We have notary comedy, notary drama, notary classes, tutorials,
stories and more. I know, sounds a bit like the 123notary notary blog,
but this is television. Below is our broadcasting schedule:

8am: Affidavits done your way with host Randy David

9am: Notary housewives gone wild

10am: General Notary Hospital

11am: Notary acts explained — we go over Acknowledgments, Jurats,
Oaths and Affirmations. Raise your right hand!

12pm: Notaries without underwear

1pm: How to confirm a signing without missing any bases

2pm: How to spin your embosser with spinning with the stars

3pm: How Jeremy started his signing business and other Notary stories

4pm: Dealing with issues regarding FedEx and shipping.

5pm: Social media tips for Notaries

6pm: Notarios sin barreras

7pm: Dealing with Chinese characters in signatures

8pm: The Notary Bar – a sitcom about Notaries where everyone knows your name.

9pm: Sponsored programming.

You might also like:

Notary Ed – similar to driver ed
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19132

Affiant – a new social media site for notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

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December 6, 2019

1st Notary in Space

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 7:04 am

In honor of the anniversary of the 50th moon landing. NASA finally decided to send a Notary into space. They decided that Notaries had been underrepresented in space travel for too long, and something needed to change. However, the Notaries had conditions. Underneath where the American flag is on the shuttle, they wanted a flag of a fictional Notary country that they were going to set up in outer space.

The space ship was set to go to the moon in honor of Apollo 11 and Neil Armstrong. The passengers on the spaceship included three professional astronauts, one of which was a lesbian transgender black lactose intolerant Puerto Rican woman, and two white males, and a Notary. But, the flight had to be delayed because the lady was transitioning into being Cuban, or at least self-identifying as being Cuban, but not Mark Cuban, although she was living as a man (whatever
that means.) When asked if she wanted a Cuban cigar she said, “Sorry, I don’t self-identify as a communist.” Then she was asked, “Does living as a man mean that you will support a wife and kids?” to which she/he replied, “No, it means I’ll be leaving them!”

Then there was another issue, because the Notary wanted to bring his embosser, seal, journal and acknowledgment / jurat pads just in case he could notarize moon creatures on the dark side of the moon. He also studied up on his Chinese since he heard there were Chinese people landing there regularly that U.S. news suppressed for unknown reasons. The scientists controlling the flight complained that all of the Notary equipment was weighing down the craft and would cost another three million in fuel costs. But, the government decided it would be worth it so that moon creatures could sign the Notary journal.

So, finally the spacecraft took off. It took longer than expected because they were listening to Frank Sinatra’s song “Fly me to the moon.” A few days later they landed. The Notary complained that he had jet lag. The crew said, “You’re crazy, it’s not called jet lag, it’s called rocket lag, dummy!” The crew was expecting to see Sun Myung Moon but was disappointed to learn that he was Korean, and not Chinese, and therefore would probably not be on the moon despite his name.

NOTARY: If I pull down my pants here, and stick my rear end towards you, would that be mooning you or earthing you considering our location?

CREW: We’ll have to call Houston to resolve that issue. And in that case, Houston will agree that there is a problem.

HOUSTON: Yes, Notary, the correct terminology at your coordinates would indeed be earthing someone.

CREW: What on earth?

HOUSTON: Reminder — you are NOT on earth, and if you pull your pants down, you will lose the oxygen in your suit and die, so please refrain from earthing anyone.

NOTARY: I just want to jump for joy, but I’m afraid I might end up thirty feet in the air. Did the Chinese bring moon cakes here?

CHUNG: Welcome to the dark side of the moon, would you like to try a moon cake?

NOTARY: Actually, I’d prefer an earth cake.

CHUNG: Is that for here or to go?

NOTARY: We could either eat it here or in the ship. Does that come with a fortune cookie?

CHUNG: Yeah. The fortune is that you will weigh 17% of what you normally weigh.

CREW: Hey, the sum of the parts of crater than the sum of the hole.

NOTARY: Hmm, but what if you have a crater within a crater?

CHUNG: You mean like at crater and barrel?

NOTARY: And if you have sex on the moon, you would be getting your moon rocks off.

CHUNG: We are prudes and don’t do that here. Besides, we don’t have oxygen to waste on unnecessary things.

NOTARY: Well anyway — That’s one small stamp for a Notary; One huge stamp for mankind.

CREW: Well said. Now let’s take photos and post them on Instagram. Can you do a selfie with me? What’s that thing behind me?

CHUNG: Oh, he’s an underground moon creature. He won’t hurt you. But, he might want part of the fortune cookie!

You might also like:

In space – nobody can hear you sign
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18920

A Notary sees a UFO
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19929

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November 29, 2019

A new app for breaking up with your girlfriend – braekupp

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:58 am

Yes — it is a new app for breaking up with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or even a signing company that didn’t pay you. Why break up in person, or by text when you can use this app.

It is called – braekupp and you can get a free download online.

braekupp has an algorithm that helps you analyze how worthless your relationship is based on 29 factors (hmm, sounds like eHarmony in reverse.) It also explains the factors to you. Then, it will contact your ex by phone, text, email and on social media and diss her properly — ouch!

With braekupp you get to choose the exact wording of how you are going to diss your ex. You can use polite language and say, “It just isn’t working out.” Or you can insult them and call them some choice words such as, “I’m so done with you you dumb-ass so and so.” Ouch! There are hundreds of choices of verbiage variations so you can diss your miss with style.

For signing company break ups you can use lines such as — “You didn’t pay me, so I’m done working for you. Find some other loser to fax back all night long, jerk!”

If you are wondering how to get a new girlfriend or signing company or girlfriend who works at a signing company (not recommended) we will be coming up with a new app for that soon, but it might take a while.

You might also like:

A notary orders pizza during a signing using an app
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19292

Notarize app lets you use your iPhone to get notarized!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19186

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November 25, 2019

An armed robber steals only the Notary seal

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:55 am

Frank was at home with his wife Stella. They were having Earl Grey tea and crumpets. Yeah, they like it British style and nobody could figure out why. Then a robber broke down their door and came into the living room where the couple was sipping their tea.

ROBBER: I want it — hand it over!

FRANK: Hand over bloody what?

ROBBER: Is that a glottal stop?

FRANK: Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.

ROBBER: I’ve always wanted to know how to do a glottal stop.

FRANK: It’s easy really, you just make an abrupt “uh” sound in the end of a word.

ROBBER: Wow, so it’s that easy. Hey! Why are we talking about this. This is a robbery.

FRANK: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The jewelry is in the drawer over there.

ROBBER: I don’t want your damn jewelry.

STELLA: It’s not very expensive anyway. I got it mostly at thrift shops. My hubby is too much of a cheap skate.

ROBBER: Men! Oh wait a second, I’m a man too. Why am I on this tangent. Okay. I want your seal. Hand it over!

FRANK: I can’t give that to you, that would be illegal.

ROBBER: Well I’m a robber, so my least concern is whether something is legal or not.

STELLA: But, we would report it and if you used the seal you would get locked up.

ROBBER: Not if I backdate.

FRANK: The investigators would check my journal to confirm the record and there won’t be a record, so you will still get caught.

ROBBER: I’ll escape before anyone finds out.

FRANK: Yes, but that will nullify the point of the fraudulent activity because any financial gain you get will be reversed when the paper trail is investigated. Besides, you can just make a photocopy of someone’s seal on a document and nobody will know the difference unless forensics looks into it. Happened to me and yes, forensics did look into it. That is also a crime with prison time by the way if it involves real property.

ROBBER: Damn you Notaries. Why do you have to be so damn smart. Now, what were you saying about jewelry?

STELLA: Second hand stuff. The turquoise is fake, but looks great. Is it for your wife?

ROBBER: Of all the Notaries I could have robbed. Does this one look good on me?

STELLA: It goes with your eyes.

FRANK: I texted the police while you were trying on the jewelry. But, yes, I agree with Stella. It compliments you.

ROBBER: Oh does it? You what? Uh oh.

FRANK: Hey you did it?

ROBBER: Did what?

FRANK: The glottal stop when you said “uh oh”.

ROBBER: Cool. Well. Gotta run before the po po come over.

You might also like:

Psych – busting the Russian mafia with help of a notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19963

Flashpoint – Notary job for a hostage with a multimillion dollar contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18798

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November 22, 2019

Drug of choice for Notaries

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:52 am

Many professions have a drug of choice.

For acupuncturists it is heroin because they like the needles.
Dentists prefer laughing gas as it is easily available at least for them.
Chiropractors prefer crack.
But, what do Notaries like?

There is a new drug called “stamp”. No, it’s not smack, but stamp. It makes you feel like you are on top of the world and will get paid by everyone. It makes you feel so rich that if you don’t get paid if you won’t even care. Stamp looks like how LSD was described to me as it comes in little squares. Each little square is a stamp. You just put it on your tongue and get high, or as the local users say, “get notarized.”

I was standing on a street corner and this real loser came up to me and said, “Hey man, wanna get notarized? It’s really cool.” I was thinking, “Yeah I bet it is — I can’t go for that because I didn’t bring my ID.” He said, “Bummer man, maybe next time.”

Nobody will sell you any stamp if you don’t have a current ID, so be prepared and some dealers require journal thumbprints too for this drug.

You might also like:

Notary Jokes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8471

Best virtual Notary comedy compilation up to 2018
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17693

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November 19, 2019

Your notary did what?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:50 am

Tales of the outrageous.

MARY: My notary was so bad, he parked on my lawn and goofed on the notarization for the Deed of Trust as well as the borrower copy Deed of Trust.

SHARON: Girl, I can’t believe he did that.

MARY: Do you have a story too?

SHARON: I asked the Notary to do something exciting during the Notarization. He asked me what I had in mind. I said, “Do something fun with that seal, or something that I will remember long after the fact.” He said he couldn’t think of anything. Then he asked me to do something exciting, so I got on the table and danced. Then, he carelessly got his carry all bag tangled in my weave and all of my hair came right off.

MARY: And what did you say?

SHARON: I said, “Oh no you didn’t.”

MARY: You were clothed while you were dancing, right?

SHARON: Of course I was. What kind of a girl do you think I am?

MARY: Temporarily bald.

SHARON: Don’t go there.

VERONICA: I had an experience with a Notary.

MARY: I like the way you are talking about it. The way you phrase it it sounds like he did more than just notarize.

VERONICA: Oh, he tried. I had to practically chase him out of the house with a broom.

SHARON: Yeah I heard about that guy. The girls at the salon call him “The Notarizer.” Every girl he gets with he says he “notarized.” Wish I could have been there.

VERONICA: Excuse you me?

MARY: Hey, some people like getting notarized. To each their own.

ALICE: I hired a Notary to come to the house. When he left, he left with half my oxy-codene.

MARY: Looks like you’re going to have to go back to Mexico sooner than you anticipated.

ALICE: You’re telling me, and those border guards don’t play either!

NANCY: I hired a Notary once. He asked me — if I could be any notary item, what would I be?

MARY: Knowing you, probably a loose certificate.

NANCY: Well at least my certificate got filled out unlike some of the other people in this room.

ALICE: Damn!!!! So, were you a loose certificate?

NANCY: No, actually I wasn’t. I told him I would be a document date — tomorrow at 3pm. The Notary was fine!

ALICE: That’s a date and time, but it works. And by the way, not many Notaries are fine other than Jeremy, and that’s only if you can put up with his jokes.

NANCY: Who?

MARY: Never mind. I think that pretty much wraps up our session. It was fun.

You might also like:

Notary arrested for stealing spices from borrowers
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20799

Common mistakes notaries make with the 1003 and other documents
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4553

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November 17, 2019

Ways to get arrested as a Notary Public

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:48 am

Many people think that being a Notary is a fun and easy way to make a few extra dollars. But, it can be dangerous and dramatic as well. Notaries do get arrested — not that often, but it happens.

1. Commit fraud involving real property
You will probably be looking at jail time if you commit fraud or falsify a notary certificate that has to do with a deed affecting real property.

2. Get in a physical altercation with a borrower
If the borrower yells at you and you punch them out, you might get arrested.

3. Get in an altercation with a family member or your daughter’s boyfriend
One Notary did this, the police were called, and this person had their commission revoked due to a felony conviction. It all happened so suddenly too.

4. Notarize someone who used a false ID and falsified thumbprints by using crazy glue on his thumb.
You will probably end up in court and might be investigated for conspiracy to commit fraud.

5. Drive too fast to a notary appointment.
Were you going 90 in a 30 mile an hour district because you were late to a signing because your printer got stuck on page three? You might get locked up for that.

6. Fail to keep journal entries or fail to keep them correctly.
Okay, you might not get arrested for this, but you might get your commission cancelled, revoked, or end up investigated in court where you will have no evidence. As a Notary, your journal is your only evidence in court because how can you honestly remember what you did three years ago when you probably had thousands of appointments that year?

7. Sell someone’s personal information
You might learn a whole lot about someone based on their information on the 1003. But, don’t share that with others otherwise you might get in trouble. Remember — that information is confidential.

8. Get caught snooping around someone’s house if you arrive before they get back from work.
Yes, the neighbors might call the police and you might get in trouble. On the other hand, if you did not engage in breaking and entering, you are probably okay.

9. Run over the borrower in the driveway
You might get arrested for that. It could be considered a hate crime if you hate your job. On the other hand, you could explain that you hate signing companies, not signers and the judge would probably understand.

10. Steal oxy-codene from the borrowers.
One Notary had to go to the bathroom. They did more than just urinate there. They walked out of that house with a lot of prescription medicine which doesn’t come cheap. It is hard to prove if you stole it, but that is one crime that 123notary is aware of.

11. Arrive drunk at a signing
Some signers arrive drunk or high at a signing. That is a way to get locked up as well as get fired. You could also dress like you are going to a club or going to the beach and you might get fired, but probably wouldn’t get locked up.

You might also like:

Notary arrested for stealing spices from borrowers
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20799

A forged notary seal ends someone up with a prison sentence
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21355

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November 15, 2019

10 ways to die as a Notary — choose one!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:46 am

Being a Notary isn’t always safe. Here are some dangers that you might fact.

1. Being physically abused by a borrower who doesn’t like their APR

2. Being carjacked on the way to a signing

3. Getting in a deadly accident on your way home from a signing.

4. Having your dual tray laser printer explode sending a tray (not sure which one though) flying into your head.

5. Gaining weight because you spend too much time sitting and driving and then dying from cardiovascular issues

6. Dying from touching poisoned ink that you put in your stamp.

7. Having a heart attack because you forgot your journal at home during a signing.

8. Dying of anger because you didn’t like Jeremy’s phone quiz.

9. Dying of love sickness because you realize you can’t date that borrower because she is unethical and wanted to backdate.

10. Dying in jail because you backdated and got caught.

11. Dying of romance because you wanted to date a borrower and they suggested going out on a “back date” and you died in the time machine trying to go back in time 24 hours without getting stuck there.

12. Bleeding to death due to a paper cut from a Jurat or Acknowledgment.

13. Doing a fatal Oath that kills you. “So you solemnly swear that… oh… I’m dying…”

You might also like:

10 ways female notaries can protect themselves
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19196

10 things notaries can do to screw up a notarization
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18864

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November 10, 2019

The 2019 Democratic Notary Debates!

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:24 am

MODERATOR: Welcome to the first 2020 Democratic Notary Debate – a “perfect vision” of the future. On tonight’s stage are the top five candidates with the highest polls. We have former Vice President Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, and Pete Buttigieg debating with each other tonight. The first opening statement starts with Joe Biden.

JOE BIDEN: Well I want to thank our proud Notary Public for holding this debate. You know, I was talking to my good buddy Barrack the other day. Obama. The last great president, my good friend.

BERNIE SANDERS: Enough already, we know you know the guy.

JOE BIDEN: Everybody is angry these days. When I started out as a Notary we weren’t enemies. The only times we swore was when we were under Oath. I want to bring back that type of civility so we can get signings done.

BERNIE SANDERS: It is unfair that people should have to pay to be notarized. My idea of a stamping device is one that stamps out the millionaires and billionaires from breaking the backs of the 99% who deserve free notary signings. Additionally, I believe it should be free to become a Notary, and free training to know how to become a Notary, and while you’re at it — free chicken soup for everybody.

JOE BIDEN: I could use some of that soup, because you’re making me sick right now.

ELIZABETH WARREN: I’ve got a plan for that. We don’t need free chicken soup in this country. We need to impeach the chicken who’s in The White House who made up a bone spur excuse for getting out of serving his country. At the very least, the excuse could be notarized.

KAMALA HARRIS: When I was a prosecutor, I was putting away crooks left and right. The point being, I know a crook when I see one. This president is the opposite of a credible witness. There is nothing credible about any line that comes out of his mouth. I also believe that bad Notaries who don’t follow proper procedure should be prosecuted. The Notary Profession is a legal support profession, and letting it run haywire is not acceptable.

PETE BUTTIGIEG: As the youngest candidate here, I see a vision for the 2050’s when I’ll as old as the current occupant of The White House.

JOE BIDEN: Stop with the ageism you young whipper snapper.

BERNIE SANDERS: Joe, I hate to tell you, but the fact you used the word whipper snapper makes you sound older, older than me!

PETE BUTTIGIEG: I believe that Notaries should be allowed, or even required to use a rainbow colored Notary seal.

BERNIE SANDERS: Rainbow Shmainbow — when it comes to colors, believe me, I’m color blind. Did you hear that Kamala?

KAMALA HARRIS: You may be color blind, but I’m not color deaf — and yes I did hear that.

JOE BIDEN: Bernie, it sounds to me from that last remark that you are pandering to the black vote. I don’t think my half of my good buddy Barrack Obama would appreciate that — the black half.

BERNIE SANDERS: Well which half is black?

JOE BIDEN: His paternal lineage. His father is Kenyan, remember? Well of course, by being Barrack’s former vice president, I’m very well aware of that.

BERNIE SANDERS: Now, who’s pandering.

PETE BUTTIGIEG: Well, I’m the youngest one here and even I don’t have the energy for this.

ELIZABETH WARREN: I’ve got a plan for that. We’ll get a notarized copy of your birth certificate to see if you even are old enough to run for president.

BERNIE SANDERS: Vital records cannot be notarized, so you might have a problem with that. But, if they could I would make it free!

You might also like

Will the next election help the notary industry?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22267

Compilation of posts about notary and politics
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20357

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November 9, 2019

Outer space society tries to eliminate Notaries

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:22 am

There was a society in outer space that strove to be the best community they could be. They experimented with freedom of speech repression kind of the way some social media channels do these days. They experimented with killing all criminals, but ended up eliminating most of the population for small offences. Then, they tried to figure out who the most unsuitable members of society were — and those were deemed to be Notaries. But, how would they get rid of these Notaries or figure out which ones were bad?

The society beamed Jeremy up into space (that’s me by the way) and had him test all the Notaries. After testing many people, he informed the leadership that there was a bad problem and said, “You don’t understand the gravity of the situation.” They said, “That’s right because we don’t have gravity here.” And then Jeremy said, “No wonder I see Notary seals floating around.”

After more careful thought, Jeremy decided that the problem was there were too many Notaries above the age of 320 and that people might get better service if the younger Notaries would do most of the work. So, the government implemented an idea that anyone over the age of 250 who was a Notary would be neutralized as they would no longer be valuable to society. After that, society went back to normal again and the bad Notaries had mostly been weeded out. Additionally, the length of validity of the intergallactic ID cards was extended to 180 light years, and must by law have a photo that includes your full antennas and those with only a partial view of their antennas would have to be issued a new ID with a new photo.

So, Jeremy went back to his planet. Although he was only on Quazar for one week, it was a month later when he came back to earth due to the time-space continuum. Jeremy’s only regret was that he missed a critical opportunity to go to Luke’s spaceburgers near Tatooine and that there was no Starbucks on Quazar. So much for the name “Star” bucks.

You might also like:

Notary Space Station
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18920

Jeremy’s visit to hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20412

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