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April 12, 2018

I’ve been doing this 20 years

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:23 am

People who fail our test or who do not want to take our test hide behind their years. It is a cover up for lack of knowledge.

JEREMY: You failed my test!

NOTARY: Well sonny, I’ve been doing this for 20 years so I must know what I’m doing.

JEREMY: You don’t even know how to give an Oath or keep a journal. You not only do not know what you are doing, but you are endangering the public.

NOTARY: You’re mean!

JEREMY: You are worse than mean. You could get someone in financial or legal trouble from your ineptitude!

If you have been a Notary for 20 years, but only did one loan per year, that is 20 loans. That is why when I ask to know how many loans you have signed, I really don’t want to hear years. On the other hand, you could tell me number of loans and be mistaken or dishonest. On the other hand there are those who have signed ten thousand loans with their eyes virtually shut who don’t know their documents at all because they don’t read the documents and because the borrowers don’t ask questions that require the Notary to think.

That is why I think that a knowledge test is a better analytic than years, or number of loans. You can be in business for 20 years and know absolutely nothing. I’m not sure how that is possible, but I have many Notaries to prove that it is indeed possible. You can have signed 20,000 loans and know nothing. But, if you ace my test, you know something.

So, never tell people how many years you have been doing this. Hiring parties such as Title companies see right through this. It is BS. Tell them about the types of experience you have and be more specific. That will sound more knowledgeable to someone who has knowledge themself who is going to potentially hire you or list you on their directory.


You might also like:

How to negotiate signing fees like a pro

# of loans verses # of years

How many loans have you signed?


April 2, 2018

Compilation of Mafia Related Notary Posts

Filed under: Compilations,General Stories — admin @ 10:27 pm

Here are some posts about the Mafia’s relationship with the Notary world. They are all fictional, so please do not call the FBI about this one!


How to make serious money notarizing Russian Mafia

Notarize This

The Mafia guy who could make witnesses disappear

The Mafia Notary with the violin case (and wine)

The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box

Tony Soprano Gets Notarized


$400,000 cash at a signing. Can I have some?

Credible Witness Protection Plan

Financing a Kidney

Fraud & Forgery related to the notary profession

I’d rather stop being a Notary than carry a gun

Notary accidentally gets arrested for robbing a bank?

Notary Housewives

Psych Episodes (psychic detectives who fight crime)

We caught a bunch of frauds using Notary verbiage

Why keep a journal? Don’t wait until you get a call from the FBI



Murder in a building a week before the signing

Notarizing a female accessory to murder

Notarizing an Ax Murderer in San Ysidro

Notary Murdered in last non-attorney state



March 30, 2018

A dream about a Notary seal and a journal sandwich

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 10:11 am

I had a dream that I was in a Japanese restaurant and that I ordered a journal sandwich.

It was an Official journal of notarial acts. The cover was made of a cookie and the pages were made of rice paper. I asked the waitress why there were no thumbprints in my journal. The answer was, “Sorry, no Engrish!”

Oh well. My journal was a mini-journal that came with green tea ice cream. Next time I’ll get the mochi.

I had another dream.

This time there was a Notary seal sitting on the table. It was spitting out black noodles which became an octopus which ate an Affidavit. After that it raised it’s right tentacle and swore it was delicious. Then I work up and found myself naked at Macy’s looking at a stuffed octopus.

I actually got sick eating an octopus. My psychic said that it descended into the sand at the bottom when it was being caught and played dead. The same thing happened to me when I ate it. I wanted to crouch on the ground and die. I was having trouble breathing. I got some fresh air and felt better the next day. Bizarre. I guess my health could be improved.


March 29, 2018

How my piano lessons changed my life

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:10 am

As a child, I studied regular things in school, as well as piano, and cello. Looking back, I got a better education in High School than in college simply because I was with good teachers all day long. At college, I had teachers that didn’t really teach much. They lectured, but did not make sure we understood what was being taught. Looking back on High School, I benefited from Debate Class, AP Biology, Typing and Sex Ed. I actually learned a lot in those classes and used the learning in real life while I never used Physics, advanced math or history though.

My parents were serious musicians. My mother was a concert pianist and my father was an accomplished amateur cellist. There was music in the house my entire childhood, and I probably remember a lot of it from when I was a fetus. I played in five orchestras during High School, and did a lot of music with cello playing. But, the one educational endeavor that seemed to have changed my life was my piano lessons and not the other classes. I think I should let my piano teacher know.

My piano lessons were taken from age eight to sixteen. I quit then because I had too much going on in my life and couldn’t take it any more. My piano teacher was strict and mean. There were no ends to her demands and she was never happy. She nitpicked everything I did — to death. It was very painful because nothing I did was ever right. The demeaning aspect of the lessons was very bad for my self image. However, I learned something very critical which helped me immensely for the rest of my life in all of my serious endeavors.

My piano teacher taught me the art of grueling practicing difficult passages over and over and over with meticulous care. I am a sloppy person, or at least was. I am still sloppy, but a lot less sloppy as a result of that teacher who was the pickiest I have ever had. Can you imagine practicing a passage one thousand times every day paying attention to every subtle detail? The musical aspect was nice, but did not help me. It was the discipline to put up with grueling and repetitive work. So, how did this discipline help specifically during the rest of my life?

During college I studied Chinese. It had been my life ambition to speak different languages. I studied French, Spanish, Japanese, Arabic, and Chinese. But, Chinese was my true love. The problem is that it is hard as hell, and I studied hard for years. I am still only at the 50% level in Chinese. But, this grueling discipline of practicing passages over and over were how I learned to become fluent in this exotic language and how I learned to write. Without piano lessons I would never have had the discipline to do this.

After college I could not get a good job so I had to be a courier. Once again, fourteen hour days of grueling work. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Then, I became a teacher. I had to teach others and go through grueling pronunciation lessons teaching Chinese people the art of pronouncing English in a way that Americans could understand. I handled the disciplinary aspects of the work, but my students did not want to be understood — they wanted to speak however they wanted to with complete disregard for correctness. They remind me of Notaries who fail my test who want to do notary work however, and whenever without regard for the correct application of rules and safety precautions!

Finally, I became a Notary and created 123notary originally to market myself. Running 123notary requires tremendous discipline. Each year I put on thousands of free listings and call them to make sure they are still notaries. This takes an extreme amount of endurance doing the data entry day in and day out and tolerating endless phone calls.

Basically in short, without my piano lessons, I do not think I would be able to handle the workload of 123notary.

My only regret is as follows. As an adult, I have learned that Jean Philippe Rameau wrote much better harpsichord music than my hero J.S. Bach, and I regret not having been introduced to Rameau as a child. So, I listen to him on

If you want your children to have a good chance at success, musical education with quality teachers is as important or more important than academics. Please remember that piece of advice forever!


February 14, 2018

The Sexting Notary

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 9:01 am

We had a Notary on our site who texted a client and said, “You’re kind of hot.” The next thing I know I get a complaint. I emailed the Notary who said, “That never happened.” Boy. However, this is the first time I have heard of this happening. Usually it is the client who is weird and lives in a decrepit house and has long toenails and smells funny who invite lady notaries to their bedrooms.

The moral of the story is, if you like your client, it is best not to come on too strong otherwise you get a complaint. For some of you that means you will be single your entire life. On the other hand, raising children is so expensive that perhaps you are better off. Oh, and if you ever run for office, forget about sexting.

And before I forget — happy Valentines day! And remember, don’t sext and drive!

One more thing… If a text is a text, and a sexual text is a sext, then what is a Notarial text? A next?

Also see — Notary Sexual Harassment Issues


February 8, 2018

A Notary complains about the instructions

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:11 am

A Notary complained to me that he received a package where the instructions were on page four. This Notary makes it a habit to always read the instructions. But, I guess he doesn’t read between the lines. As a Notary, you really need to quickly scan all of the pages of a package to make sure there are no mystery signers who don’t know they need to be there like the evil sister in law or mother in law.

What would you call it if a mother and law and brother in law needed to sign the Deed of Trust, Note RTC, TIL and HUD? That would be the inlaws signing the legals. Very punny.

In any case, if you don’t scan all the documents there might be surprises. As a mobile notary, you want to minimize suprizes by being prepared. Also, you should ask lots of good questions when confirming the signing. Check the date, time, location, how the ID reads, if there are payments due, APR, rate, numbers on the CD, if they have time for the entire signing which could take 90 minutes, and if all the people who are supposed to be there will be there.

Be prepared and only you can prevent notary disasters!


February 7, 2018

Those who don’t login do not do well on tests

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:45 am

We have a lot of Notaries on 123notary who just don’t login. Some of them get removed eventually. But, I wondered how they would do on tests. When I give my little quizzes that everyone hates, some people do especially poorly. People who don’t login often are twice as likely to get failing grades on my quiz. If they don’t have the effort to login, they also don’t put in the effort to study or know what they are doing.

In this industry there is such apathy and negligence. I don’t know what the problem is with just mastering your trade. It is offensive and dangerous to be a Notary who doesn’t know the basics. You have no idea how much trouble you can get into.

In any case, since the state governments refuse to crack down on negligent Notaries, the responsibility falls upon me which I find unfortunate and unpleasant. The moral of the story is, please login regularly, study up on your notary knowledge and keep your profile ship shape — always!


February 2, 2018

Notaries threaten Jeremy with class action law suit

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:58 am

A bunch of Notaries were angry that Jeremy from 123notary suddenly started requiring Notaries to understand how to be a Notary. But, these Notaries had already paid their year’s subscription and now Jeremy was pulling a fast one on them by requiring them to prove that they know their job.

The argument I always get is that of course I know my job because I’ve been doing this x amount of years. But, then when I test these convincing people, the score is normally around 40% on simple Notary questions.

My point of view is that many Notaries have been deceiving me and the public for years by fraudulently impersonating a qualified public official, namely a Notary Public.

In any case, my Notary quiz is five questions long in most cases. Some Notaries would rather send me a letter from an Attorney rather than answer five questions which takes two minutes.

When I remove people early for not passing my test I am only PAUSING their listing. They can study up and quiz again whenever they like. I am not taking time out of the year they paid for. I will give their time back once they have proven they know how to be a Notary.

But, if a Notary went to an actual Attorney for some serious legal work, the Attorney would ask about 200 questions.

ATTORNEY: Okay, question number 193, when did you make your payment to 123notary?

NOTARY: Listen, I’ve already answered your other questions. Just sue the bastard, will ya?

ATTORNEY: It doesn’t work like that. You have to answer all 200 questions.

NOTARY: You’re even worse than Jeremy. I should be suing you, not him. He only asked five questions.

ATTORNEY: Don’t you think you would do better if you would spend the time you spent with me studying so you could answer his questions? You don’t even have a contract with 123notary, and their policies page says that they reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

NOTARY: I spent five hours with you for nothing. I could have learned to be a real Notary in that time. Carmen even offered free mentoring. Boy am I stupid.

ATTORNEY: And by the way, your legal costs will be $80,000 and I require a $20,000 retainer. The total damages Jeremy cost you are zero because he did not remove you, he only paused you. If he had removed you and the other fifty people permanently it would be only $952 total because he paused you near the end of your term. You want to pay $80,000 for a small chance at recovering $952 for your band of outlaw Notaries. That is as stupid as your unwillingness to learn how to be a real Notary.

NOTARY: Boo hoo hoo. But, I shouldn’t have to be a real Notary because I’m paying them. So therefore I can do whatever I want.

ATTORNEY: But, you are also paying me, and you have to answer all of my questions and meet with me at my convenience. You have to follow the rules of the people you hire. You have to sit down on an airline with a ticket that you paid for when they tell you to. You have to refrain from using cell phones at certain restaurants as well. Aren’t you paying them?

NOTARY: Yeah, but that’s different.

ATTORNEY: It is not. You are ruining 123notary’s reputation with title companies by being an incompetent Notary. You are also endangering people by not following directions. Clients who use you could lose thousands on a single job that you don’t follow directions.

NOTARY : Who cares. I just want my $6.52 left on my account without having to answer Jeremy’s dumb questions.


February 1, 2018

Third Judicial District Court of Utah. Notary Case.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:47 am

This is a court case involving one of our Notaries. If you think keeping proper records doesn’t matter because your state doesn’t require it — think again. Your journal is your only evidence in court. This is the beginning of a court case. I am not going to publish the entire thing because it is too long.


Regarding the plaintiffs’ general allegations, defendant admits that she lives in Salt Lake County, that the she is doing business in Salt Lake County, and did in fact witness plaintiffs signatures and notarize for the same.  Defendant has no knowledge concerning the other defendants and therefore denies the same.  Defendant further denies all other allegations not specifically admitted to therein.

Count One
1. Plaintiff’s petition fails to state a claim upon which relief could be granted.
2. In response to allegations of paragraphs 16-22 Defendant has no personal knowledge of any of those items.
3. On February 8, 2007 Defendant Shaw did in fact go to the Plaintiff home to accommodate the loan signing. defendant denies the allegations set forth therein, and affirmatively alleges that she was not employed by the lender, the title company, nor any of their representatives, but was and is an independent notary public, and acted solely in that capacity. 
4. In response to allegations of paragraphs 24 & 25 of the complaint Defendant has no personal knowledge to actions by LSI Title . Defendant did provide a copy of document to the Plaintiff, Defendant did not represent LSI Title nor give any representation as to the accuracy of the document nor give any legal advice.
5. In response to allegations of paragraphs 26 Plaintiffs did have the option to not sign the documents. Defendant explained that documents are date sensitive and Plaintiffs Have a 3 day right to cancel as provided by federal law. Defendant did suggest Plaintiffs could sign the Document and discuss concerns with their Mortgage Broker at a time when the Broker could be reached. Plaintiffs decided to sign the documents of their own free will. See exhibit N in complaint.
6. Defendant has no knowledge of any allegation in paragraphs 27- 70 of the complaint.
Count Two: Breach of Contract

7. In response to allegations of count two: Defendant has no knowledge of any allegation in paragraphs 1-4 of the complaint.

8. In response to allegations of paragraph 5 Defendant did not represent LSI Title or give any representation as to the accuracy of the document defendant denies the allegations set forth therein, and affirmatively alleges that she was not employed by the lender, the title company, nor any of their representatives, but was, and is, an independent notary public, and acted solely in that capacity. 

9. In response to allegations of count two: Defendant has no knowledge of any allegation in paragraphs 6-7 of the complaint.

The case goes on and on, but here is the beginning.


January 17, 2018

I can’t remember notary procedure because I am in a hospital

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:11 pm

I get excuses from people who don’t know how to be a Notary. The excuses are stupid. Here are a few.

Excuse: I can’t answer your question because today is a Sunday. I am not wearing my work hat on Sunday.
Commentary: If you can’t think clearly about Notary stuff on Sunday, I very much doubt your brain will magically function on Monday. I think you just don’t know what you are doing as a Notary period.

Excuse: I can’t answer your question because I am at a hospital.
Commentary: Many Notaries do hospital notarizations which are a lot more tricky and dangerous than regular office or home notarizations. If you can’t think in a hospital, how will you be able to think somewhere else. Does your brain change its shape the minute you leave?

Excuse: I can’t answer questions because I had a few drinks
Commentary: People who have had a few drinks pass my test all the time. You either know it or your don’t. In your case you don’t, or you lack confidence.

Excuse: You’re catching me off guard.
Commentary: When people call you from our directory, they will not call when you are expecting the call and they will have questions for you. So, being a mobile notary is all about being caught off guard. Try to be like a ninja who is always on his guard.

I think the real reason for the excuses is that:
1. People don’t want to be bothered. They want to pass themselves off as expert Notaries, yet they try to back out of answering even the simplest of questions.
2. Some people don’t like thinking when they feel under pressure. Guess what, if you are in front of a borrower, they might ask you a question under pressure, so learn how to answer questions. It’s not brain surgery.
3. Some people really don’t know how to answer simple Notary questions and just want to get out of it and use some bullshit excuse.

What bothers me is the dishonesty and evasiveness. I am no longer allowing people to have nonsense excuses. If you cannot answer Notary questions then you should not be a Notary. If you are in a signing, that is an excuse, but I keep notes about people who are always at a signing when I call them. At some point they have to answer up to me. No more games!

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