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November 9, 2017

Notary re-education camps — cold war style

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 1:30 am

After the communists took over China they had a comprehensive cultural revolution and reeducation program where people were sent to camps to be brainwashed. They were told that evil bad capitalist governments lied so they could make more money through corrupt means while communist governments never lied because they had no reason to lie as their purpose in existence is for the benefit of the people.

Right now in communist China, the poor which consist of 90% of the population are being turned away for medical care unless they can pay some exorbitant rate. Additionally 100,000,000 Chinese are being uprooted from their homes and forced to live in smaller cities throughout the country where they have no jobs. So much for acting on the benefit of the people. It looks more like they are destroying the lives of their own people. I call it inverse-communism. Whatever the opposite of communism is, is exactly what China is doing these days. Perhaps they will come to their senses and be a little more helpful to the people.

In any case, in 2025, America is taken over by very meticulous Notaries led by Jeremy. Jeremy is so fed up with poor standards for Notaries that he requires all Americans to be reeducated. People are taken away from their families sent to camps in the countryside and taught the value of hard work, being at one with “The people” and the value of using an NNA inkless thumbprinter and non-ink embosser. Chairman Jeremy will teach the people that his government is honest and has no reason to lie as it represents the integrity of business transactions with thumbprints, biometrics, digital signatures, and lectures if anyone does anything Jeremy doesn’t like.

Chairman Jeremy will have everyone call each other “Notary Comrade”, and abide by all Notary rules at all times. Just don’t say anything about the regime or the Red Guards will be at your front door. Remember, the walls have ears!

Speaking of reeducation camps, at the end of the Vietnam war, a South Vietnamese commander was sentenced to three days of reeducation. They did not release him for 17.5 days. I think that a four day course taught by your state with hands on training for all possible Notary scenarios would be sufficient for Notary reeducation. But, what do you think?

Most Notaries don’t know what they are doing, so education is the key, not re-education.


November 1, 2017

One of our Notaries help put three dangerous felons away!

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 1:05 am

Most Notaries aspire to the most minimal standards and will not take an action unless required by law. Some Notaries don’t even do the legal minimum while a few will go slightly above the legal minimum when there is much more that they can do. As far as journal entries go, most states do not require a journal. However, the journal is your only evidence in court of what happened at your transaction. Additionally, the journal thumbprint which most of you refuse to ask for is your only ammunition to catch identity thieves. If someone uses a false ID, you will not have a paper trail leading to them. However, with a thumbprint, the authorities can catch the bad guys in many cases. Most of our Notaries say, “I’m not legally required to keep a journal, so since I keep one, that is good enough for me.” But, without a thumbprint or proper journal keeping, the Notary can be named as a suspect in an investigation which would be a huge nightmare.

One of our Notaries in Northern California helped the FBI catch three dangerous frauds! She did not catch them by doing the minimum like most of you out-of-state Notaries do. She kept journal thumbprints of almost all of her transactions. California requires a journal thumbprint for Deeds affecting real property and Power of Attorney documents. However, this Notary went above and beyond the law and kept thumbprints for most of her other acts as well.

The worst criminal caught by the FBI was involved in a Ponzi scheme who got 15 years. The FBI came to the Notary’s house, borrowed her journal with a warrant for seach and seizure, and gave the journal back after it went to forensics for a few days. It was the thumbprint that was the piece of evidence that nailed the bad guy.

The next criminal was an identity thief who got two years of hard time. Once again, this guy was caught based solely on a thumbprint.

There was a third fraud caught who I do not have information about. But, the cases I am writing about were documented in newspapers and were famous. I feel proud that one of our Notaries helped catch bad guys. But, what about the rest of you who negligently shrug their shoulders when ask to take journal thumbprints.

The common excuse is that the companies they work for or sometimes their states object to Notaries asking for thumbprints as it is invasive or upsetting to the signers. But, without a thumbprint, someone could drain the equity out of your home and not even get caught so easily. So, do you want identity thieves to rob you blind or would you prefer to have better record keeping practices? Without those thumbprints, those frauds would still be wandering around victimizing hundreds of other unsuspecting victims. The next victim might be you. So, start taking thumbprints even if your law doesn’t require it.


October 26, 2017

My bad karma from testing people by phone

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 12:53 am

Ever since I have been bothering hundreds and thousands of Notaries by testing them by phone, I have had bad karmic consequences. All I want is quality control, and all I get is flack. I called more than 1000 Notaries to ask basic notary questions and document questions to see if they knew what they were doing. I got mostly complaining and wrong answers.

The results were that bad things kept happening to me.

The building maintenance guys came knocking on our door and insisted that the smoke detector was inspected. So, they decided to change it and now I am stuck with a much more attractive and shiny new smoke detector. What a bummer.

Next was that the building maintenance guys started knocking on our door again They claimed that our carpet was torn in the hall and that is was manditory that it was replaced. The next thing you know they put in this beautiful new carpet in our hall which doesn’t match the ugly beige carpet that has turned almost black from not being steam cleaned in a while. More bad luck.

Then, I went to New Mexico to receive the healing work of very benevolent shaman spirits who care for me. But, they did a little too much and now I wake up in the morning feeling ready to work for the first time in 33 years. No more sleeping late! I used to sleep until 1pm and could not fall asleep at night. That problem is over.

Next, a maintenance guy with a cocky attitude put new and beautiful caulk in my bathroom.

Then, another maintenance guy finally bolted my toilet down. It had been rocking for years.

And finally, maintenance finally fixed my squeeking door and greased the hinges.

Of all the bad luck. I guess that me fixing all of my Notaries (or kicking many of them off who are beyond help) is causing me to have the bad luck of other people fixing my broken things. But, what’s next? I can’t take this any more!


September 6, 2017

A Notary finds a document notarized by Jeremy in 2001

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 10:11 am

How bizarre. I got an email from a Notary on our database who lives in the Los Angeles area. She claims that she came across a document that I notarized back in 2001. It was a Deed of Trust for 4811 South Alamada (Alameda?) Partnership. That was a long time ago. I don’t remember the signer who’s name was Hannah Kelly. I filled up about 50 Notary journals during my career mostly with loan signings.

The signings I do remember were for a guy in jail who blew up his apartment experimenting with explosives. I also Notarized his jurors as a matter of coincidence. I remember doing 40 sets of fingerprints in Pico Rivera for a room of people mostly from Puebla Mexico. I remember an Attorney in Arcadia who had really long Health Directives for middle aged Chinese families who were thinking ahead. I remember a signing in South Central at a hospital where they made me wait forever while they slowly filled out their power of attorney forms and then the lady asked, “Do you like your job?” I told her that she was supposed to have her documents ready BEFORE she called me. I really enjoy scolding people who disrespect other people’s time.

I remember driving to Hemet, Victorville, and Santa Clarita for a Settlement Agent named Emily who gave me steady work. I remember a Real Estate agent who had endless Grant Deeds to sign. That’s about it from my eight year career. Most of my signers were boring as hell, but I had a handful of memorable ones. Jail signings were the most interesting.


August 17, 2017

I was forced to forge my own signature in India.

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:35 am

As a Notary, forgery is illegal. But, what if you are forging your own signature? Why would you need to do that? I was in Mumbai or Bombay in 2005. I was cashing traveler’s cheques and the clerk was really antsy. I had signed slightly differently on one cheque than the others because I was signing a lot and fast. Signatures change over time, and that is fine in America — but, not with this guy.

India is a country where everyone does their work their own way. There is no standardization of anything other than unsanitary air & water. Subsequently I never had any trouble cashing Amex traveler’s cheques. It was a one time thing. And after that I brought lots of C notes with me just in case. It’s easier to convert cash to rupees than traveler’s cheques. Less can go wrong.

So, I was sitting in this office with the fan going, cars honking outside. In India there is always lots of honking sounds. You get used to it. I practiced signing exactly how I had signed. Finally when I knew I had it right, I signed it for real on the cheque and got my money with a 1% commission. Boy, what a headache. It’s one of those experiences that make you not want to go back to India. Dysentery is another one of those special experiences. Thank God that medicine in India is holistic and costs about two bucks with a nice doctor aunty to help you.

So, after this crazy experience, I went to the railway station and hopped on a local train up to Mulund in Northern Mumbai.


July 6, 2017

Monsanto Genetically modified Notaries

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:14 am

I go shopping at Whole Foods, so products are sold as Non-GMO. But, can you request a non-GMO Notary as well? Or would the alternative be a GMO-tary? These new genetically modified Notaries have a newly designed gene that helps them show up on time, and gets them to study a little more so they will know the technical terms on the TRID.

Perhaps a new gene needs to be created to help signing companies pay people on time.

But, based on my experience, a gene that would help borrowers sign.

Speaking of genes. I learned that the indigenous European hunters and gatherers lived in Europe 7000-20000 years ago and all had dark skin and blue eyes. Then waves of people from Russia and Greece populated all of Europe. But the new waves of migrants from 4000-7000 years ago from Russia white skin and brown eyes — until they mixed blood with the hunter folks and the Mediterranean folks. So, I guess I am related to the hunters since I have blue eyes — AND, I like to eat meat right off the bone with my hands and say MEAT!!! really loudly!

But, back to signing companies. I also learned on youtube, that signing companies that pay three months late have a recessive gene that makes them so sluggish — so, there is hope.

The fax-back gene is still being worked on. People are studying this gene which is found in some populations from Croatia. The main gene marker dates back to 3000 years ago when a messenger was shot for bringing bad news. I guess messengers are sort of like archaic fax machines.


June 30, 2017

I have a dream — Notary version

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , — admin @ 10:52 pm

I have a dream that this industry will rise up and live out the true meaning of its purpose: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Notaries are created equal”… except for military Notaries who can only notarize at military bases and Louisiana Notaries who only have jurisdiction in their home parish and reciprocal parishes.

I have a dream that one day in the lobbies of Escrow offices in California, that the sons of former Notaries and the sons of former Loan Officers and Signing Companies will be able to sit down at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that Notaries will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their ink, but by the content of the documents they notarize… and whether or not they did well on the 123notary certification exam.

In a sense, we’ve come to our nation’s Secretary of State to cash a check from a signing company (that arrived sixty days late with lots of promises that the check was in the mail.) The check from the signing company was to buy our unalienable rights of a commission with a life of four years, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that the signing company’s check has bounced. America has given American Notaries a bad check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

We cannot notarize alone
And as we notarize, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead
We cannot turn to backdate either

Those who ask the devotees of civil Notary rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Notary is victim to the unspeakable horrors of low-balling, micromanaging, fax-backs, or no pay. We can never be satisfied as our intellectual integrity as Notaries is questioned every year by Notary organizations who wish to subject us to the indignity of retesting us. We cannot be satisfied as we have to continually be background screened and treated like potential criminals. We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like rolled fingerprints, and righteousness like a mighty stream of ink.

And when this happens, freedom will ring. We will speed up the day when every Notary that uses black ink or blue ink, every Loan Officer, Escrow Officers and Loan Originators, signing company clerks, and agnostics who refuse to use the word God in their Oath wording will be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Negro spiritual — wait a minute, don’t you mean… “African-American?”

$15 per signature at last! $15 per Acknowledgment at last!
Thank God Almighty, we Notaries are free at last!

Disclaimer: (Conditions and terms my vary by state. Notaries who are not licensed Attorneys may not give legal advice. For more information, please call your state’s Notary division)


June 29, 2017

The Notary Model

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 9:08 am

Once, there was a Notary model named Stacy. She was a signing agent just like the rest of us, but much better looking. Stacy’s motto was, “Don’t park in the run-way — or driveway.” She would show up at signings wearing the latest fashions and very high heels.

Stacy loves America, and became a Notary Republic to make the world a better place. She also loves puppies and does volunteer work for the “Help children spell” organization. Unfortunately, Stacy can’t spell herself and doesn’t realize she is a Notary Public, not a Notary Republic. But, her designer heart is in the right place. But, the bottom line is that it isn’t how you spell, it’s how you look.

Last week Stacy was walking down the runway with a designer Notary carry-all bag with a shiny pink material and room for all her Notary seals on the inside. She has a pink journal too with a matching pink stamp.

Then along came Ken, a successful Mortgage Broker who wanted to rescue Stacy from her misery, marry her, and take her to his mansion in the hills. So, Stacy is no longer doing Notary work. She has gone back to doing modeling — but, on a part time basis.


June 15, 2017

The Notary who sold his soul to the devil

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:59 am

There once was a Notary who was going to sell his soul to the devil. But, he had a hearing problem. He thought the devil wanted his seal, not his soul. This Notary named Abe was asked to do a signing that involved backdating for a particular Loan Officer. The Loan Officer promised that if he did a good job backdating there would be many more to come. But, this is immoral.

Unfortunately, life often offers lots of opportunities for people to make money doing something illegal. Illegal activities often pay more since there are fewer people willing to take the risk of getting caught. But, even if you don’t get caught, God is always watching.

So, Abe, sold his spiritual future out for a few bucks doing backdating. He undermined the integrity of the Notary profession and of Western civilization.

Scratch that. What actually happened is that this guy with horns coming out of his head and a pitchfork claiming to be the devil wanted to borrow the Notary’s seal to do some bad deeds. So, that Notary was late on his alimony payments and let the devil borrow it. The devil paid him, but never brought the seal back. The Notary reported it stolen to the Secretary of State who replaced it. All was well until complaints came in of the other seal being used fraudulently.

Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un wants to sell Seoul to the devil.

The moral of the story is that weird blog writers come up with crazy ideas, that Korean food is good for you except for the sam-gyup-sal which is high in fat, and that you shouldn’t get involved with any type of illegal conduct.


June 7, 2017

Lifetime memberships? Not in this lifetime…

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 8:37 am

Once in a while a Notary will ask us if we will have lifetime memberships. Long time ago we thought of that. But, since our rates change almost daily, it makes no sense to charge for a lifetime. On top of that, very few Notaries would want to pay for more than two years.

But, you don’t know how long you’ll live, or for that matter how long our site will live. With Snapdocs moving in, I’m beginning to worry. I better start hustling. But, I think I will run my business until my retirement. I might simplify things a bit, but it is my baby and I want to keep running it just as long as I don’t run out of baby formula.

On the other hand, we do have Notaries who have been with us for fifteen years which is a huge achievement. Let’s hope we’ll have many more who will be with us for a huge chunk of their lives. We also have Notaries die on us from time to time. But, we only get about three deaths per year which is not bad considering we have roughly 7000 Notaries on board total.

So, we will not be offering lifetime memberships, at least not in this lifetime. But, if you believe in reincarnation, you can get reborn and wait until you are eighteen and then sign up again (assuming you didn’t commit a felony!)

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