The original dated January 6th ended up in a mistrial.
A group of Notaries was subpoened to be on the jury of a heavy duty murder case. The actual details of the murder were very peculiar though.
An actual Notary was hired to witness the murder. But, the Notary needed to reschedule the murder so it could be on the same date as the document which the Attorney needed another day to draft. So, the murderer said,
MURDERER: Okay, no problem, I can come back tomorrow. I’m available the whole day as a matter of fact. I’m good at killing time too as a matter of fact.
MURDER VICTIM: Gee, I’m not sure that tomorrow’s convenient for me. And by the way, you’re really killing my schedule by moving the murder to tomorrow.
NOTARY: My Attorney says the murder documents will be ready by 1pm.
MURDERER: Now, wait a second. If I’m going to commit a murder, wouldn’t it be better if there were no witnesses?
NOTARY: Well, technically yes, but since being a witness is an integral part of my profession, I’d kind of prefer to be involved in watching the prodeedings.
MURDER VICTIM: You know, I’d be a whole lot more comfortable with that too. Considering that after the fact, there would be some testimony on my behalf.
MURDERER: After the fact? There ain’t after the fact, at least not for you’s.
During Jury Selection
The prosecuting Attorney originally wanted to remove any Notaries from the Jury due to the fact that they might be biased for the Notary — or against the Notary since the Notary made some technical mistakes. But, then he changed his mind as only a Notary would be familiar enough with the circumstances of the crime to be a good juror. So, he and the defending Attorney both agreed to pick only Notaries in the jury.
In the actual murder, the murderer signed a pre-confession affidavit in front of the Notary admitting to being about to kill the victim. The victim also signed and dated the form using his own blood in a fountain pen. Fortunately, the victim showed in a timely manner for the murder, otherwise the murder date would not have coincided with the date of the freshly drafted document. Since the victim was chained to the toilet in the bathroom, so he had no choice other than to be on time. The Notary found it suitable for the victim to be chained to the toilet as the victim was a “regular” client.
The murderer, however, used a fake ID during the signing and did not thumbprint the journal, and then proceeded to murder the victim as well as the Notary. That’ll teach him to notarize at murders! Since the documents had fake names on them, the only way to identify the murderer was with DNA samples.
The judge informed the Notaries that it would be a 17 day trial involving professional witnesses, DNA experts, and neighbors who were witnesses as well as a clairvoyant who would interview the deceased Notary who was the primary witness even though that evidence was not admissable in court. The Notaries asked if they could have walk-in clients come during the trial so they could make a little extra money above and beyond the 31 cents per mile travel allowance. The judge said yes if he got 50% of the proceeds.
The trial ended because another Notary waiting by the door. Aparantly the signing company double booked the appointment, and Notary #2 was just waiting by the door and heard everything. Additionally, Notary #2 saw the murderer come down the stairs and out the door with blood on his hands and was able to positively identify the perpetrator. So, the trial ended after 8 days due to this Notarial witness who appeared out of nowhere.
Although the Notaries all agreed that the murderer was guilty, the murderer became a huge celebrity and posts about him went viral. Suddenly everybody in America wanted his autograph. But, did the autograph need to be notarized?
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Notary Jury Duty (origional)