A Notary was bored, and invested in a time machine. He wanted to see how people lived in different times and places. So, he set the machine to send him to ancient Egypt to see the pyramids in Giza. But, the machine malfunctioned and he ended up in the Boston area in 1775.

The Notary got out of his British looking phone booth, and walked around on a dirt road bewildered thinking, “Where am I? This doesn’t look like Egypt. I want some felafel.”

A crazy guy on a horse almost ran him over screaming, “The redcoats are coming — The British are coming.” The British were leaving Boston to march to Concord to confiscate some ammunition, weapons, gunpowder, etc., from the colonials.

NOTARY: Hey watch where you’re going.

PAUL REVERE: You shouldn’t walk in the middle of the road lad, it’s dangerous.

NOTARY: And learn to signal your turns. It’s common courtesy.

PAUL REVERE: I’ll work on it. Wait a second, what century are you from. Those are very odd clothes.

NOTARY: Ay lad… now I’m talking like you guys. I’m from the future and my time machine broke.

PAUL REVERE: We can’t even get gun powder easily here in the middle of a revolution, so I don’t think I can help you. But, do you know where I can get a good Notary Public?

NOTARY: Ay laddie, I’m a notary, and I brought my stamp. It doesn’t expire for a while, but I’m commissioned in Massachusetts

PAUL REVERE: Massachusetts colony?

NOTARY: It becomes a state. There are 50 states in my time.

PAUL REVERE: 50 lad? My head is spinning. Next thing you tell me is that we become the most powerful country in the world, and they give partial credit to me just for riding Barnie around screaming the news.

NOTARY: Actually, you become a well loved historical figure. Here, can you sign your John Hancock here?

PAUL REVERE: I know John. He’s an acquaintance of mine. He lives in Massachusetts you know. Born here and will probably die here.

NOTARY: His signature will become famous. He will sign the Declaration of Independence in another year or so.

PAUL REVERE: Wow, so I’m going to be famous and he is too. I’ll drink to that. Jump on back, I’m going to Monroe Tavern in Lexington to warn the locals, and then on to Concord. Just let me sign your log book, I hope this is not considered backdating by about 240 years, but… as they say in the valley — what… ever… Please stamp my document. Do you need wax for that?

NOTARY: We don’t use wax in my time.

PAUL REVERE: Okay, we’ll have a pint in Lexington, and then on to Concord. Then we can try to see what we can do about time machines. Hey, I have a friend in Phili who loves gadgets and futuristic inventions. His name is Ben Franklin — great with the ladies. We can ask him to ride up. It’s only a few days Southwest of here.

NOTARY: I guess I’m stuck here, so we’ll have hasty pudding, drinks and do some sniper attacks on the red coats in the mean time.

PAUL REVERE: Good. Are you good with a musket?

NOTARY: Gee, we’re a little close on this horse. So much for social distancing.

PAUL REVERE: Don’t worry, I don’t have smallpox. Onward ho…. Yee Haw!!!

I guess I’m getting used to President Biden now. I am less put off when he speaks, forgets what he is talking about, or trips and falls. I think that he is not trying as hard. His voice doesn’t put so much emphasis on his keywords like “DIG-nity”, and “UN-ity.” He is saying these words in a less affected tone of voice which is pleasant. He is being more himself now rather than doing play acting which is refreshing. I never liked operettas anyway, although the songs are nice. But, the silver lining in the Biden presidency is that Kamala is a cool and stylish person and hopefully will designate masala dosa to being our new national dish, or at least our national top ethnic dish — high in protein and not lacking in taste especially if you use the “gun powder” seasoning — and yes, it’s spicy.

Pipelines
Biden put many pipeline people out of work. I am pro-environment, but putting people out of work doesn’t “work” for me. I prefer the idea of starting a solar program and putting those pipeline guys to work doing something OTHER than fossil fuel related. But, now we have less energy production, and dangerous countries like Venezuela, Russia, and Bahrain (It’s near Iran & Saudi Arabia) are going to benefit from Biden’s energy move – at least for now. But, I heard that we would have more solar jobs down the pipeline — bad analogy, but a good thought. The bottom line is that less Americans will have job, and the other Americans will have to pay more for imported energy resources. Sounds like a lose lose.

Minimum Wage
The economic departments know that when you raise minimum wage, you get higher unemployment. You don’t need a PhD to figure this out. If you price a product too expensive so that people can’t afford it, they won’t buy it. Beginner workers, or workers with drug problems or who are questionable, or just not that good will be a lot more likely to be unemployed. But, Biden and America don’t seem upset about this… yet. But, once unemployment hits 20%, even Trump haters will be scratching their heads. Some workers are worth $3 per hour, so they will be permanently unemployed even if minimum wage is $3.10. These people turn to selling drugs, robbing, and loafing as there are no other alternatives. Many people are in this situation already, but society ignores them.

Notaries
Biden wants many freelancers to be classified as employees. It will be a lot more paperwork and risk for signing companies to hire notaries as employees. They might have to play social security tax, unemployment, and other taxes on Notaries. It might get a lot more expensive to hire notaires, and notaries might be unemployed. 123notary might lose half its members. The future looks dreary. On the other hand, perhaps Biden won’t make any executive orders about this, or perhaps the courts won’t allow it.

Already in California, many people who worked freelance have left the state because they can’t get hired due to the AB5 bill which classifies many freelancers as people who must be defined as employees.

SUMMARY
Although I care deeply about the environment, I think that it would be better if Biden can offer incentives for companies to develop solar infrastructure. But, this industry is so weak in the USA. China leads the world in solar, so Biden might just be helping his friends in China sell solar panels to us. Creating a boat to jump to energy-wise seems a lot smarter than sinking our existing fossil fuel boat prematurely. We’ll find out the hard way. A carbon tax would be a good place to begin.

But, in general, life would be so much better and profitable for almost all parties if the government would just shut up and back off. Now you know what I put my parents through — hint, hint!

A PARTING THOUGHT
I really like the idea of a solar pipeline. I’m not sure how that would work though.Maybe batteries charged by windmills could go on a conveyor belt through a pipeline. I wonder what Native Americans would say about that type of pipeline — I don’t think it would leak which is a huge improvement over the old kind.

Biden is not being realistic about solar energy. It will take time to develop a mature solar program. It has to start in a healthy way, grow, and become efficient. Currently there are no huge solar companies in the USA, only tiny ones. Coming up for a way to nourish the fast growth of free-market green companies is my goal. Maybe America will come to its senses and start talking about that.

Just for the record, it is illegal to notarize a dead person, so I advise that you don’t break the law in any way, shape or form. I also recommend that you defend the constitution from all enemies foreign and domestic. It is the domestic ones who are the worst these days. Since it is April Fools day, I took the liberty of publishing this silly article. Here are my points.

1. Six Feet Under
Dead people are normally six feet under which satisfies the social distancing requirements. Unfortunately it might be hard to see them and identify them if you are separated by six feet of dirt. But, you could improvise.

2. Notarizing Spirits
If you notarize a spirit, make sure the spirit has ID, and that it is good spirits. I’m not sure how that applies or what that means. I think a human might be in good spirits, if happy spirits are around us. I noticed that during the period of spiritual darkness in mid 2020 my mood declined due to the pervasive influence of malevolent spirits. I was told that would go away in April 2021. Let’s hope for the best.

3. Notarizing a Voice
If you notarize a voice for someone in an insane asylum, first of all realize that all of us hear voices. Some people hear them louder than others or more frequently. The problem is if you believe the voice. I am mildly clarevoyant and regularly talk to the spirit of my guru, healer spirits and a particular angel, but I know these “people” well and know what is in character for them to say. But, the voices that crazy people hear might be demonic spirits. The voices might be “real” , but not savory. But, the bottom line is that the voice must physically appear before you and present ID to be notarized.

4. Dead People Vote for Democrats
The joke is that living people usually vote for Republicans, but vote Democrat after they die. If you are notarizing ballots in any mail-in election, it might be hard to do signature verification on a dead person. It might require some creativity. But, in defense of states requiring notarized ballots, those states were not questioned by Trump’s Attorneys. So, Giuliani must have some faith in the notarization process. He should send some of his signature cigars out to Notaries who did a good job.

5. Half Dead
People who are half dead in a hospital who cannot think clearly or communicate well or hold a pen properly are prime risk for lawsuits. One in seven notaries on our site who has been in business full-time for several years ended up in court. If you want to increase your chances of appearing before a judge, engage in risky hospital notarizations. It pays to speak directly to the signer for hospital signings. If they are sleeping and cannot talk to you, that is a bad sign.

6. The Vaccine
My psychic says that those who take the vaccine will become infertile, genetically adulterated and become the living dead and we will have something like a zombie apocalypse of some sort. He said they would become something inhuman. I’m not sure about his credibility, but there is aluminum and some DNA strings that can affect your immunity in various ways which is not natural and scary. I wouldn’t take it. But, you might have to notarize the half dead one day so brace yourself.

7. Carmen
Carmen passed away in late July, 2020. She doesn’t need to be notarized in heaven, but if you want to chat with her, get used to communicating with the dead. She still has a good sense of humor and might give you some good tips.

Summary
This article is for comedic purposes only and you cannot legally notarize a dead person’s signature even if they signed before they died. Don’t try it.