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August 14, 2021

Being a notary vs. waiting on table

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:00 am

When I have new notaries on board, I normally give them a welcome call. I asked one guy what his professional background was. He told me he was a Notary for a month. I told him that a month doesn’t constitute a professional background, but that a 20 year teaching background would. Then he said that he was a Real Estate intern for half a year. Finally, I asked him, “Are you young?” I forget that young people don’t have a professional background or necessarily know what one is. But, if they keep having a boring and dull life going into the office, they will attain one in 10 short years. But, what about being a waiter?

WAITER: Welcome to Mel’s Diner, can we interest you in a drink?

CUSTOMER: I’ll have the jackhammer.

WAITER: Can I see some ID?

CUSTOMER: I’ll sign the journal, but I won’t thumbprint.

WAITER: Hmmm. So, what’s your sign?

CUSTOMER: I’m a Leo.

WAITER: So, you were born, July 28th, 1997.

CUSTOMER: You are trying to trick me. I was born the 29th.

WAITER: I wasn’t trying to trick you. I have bad eyesight. And I don’t use a journal because my state doesn’t require waiters to use a journal.

NOTARY: You sound like a Notary in one of those states that doesn’t require journals. But, when you get busted by the FBI and the journal is your only evidence that you weren’t involved in a serious act of fraud, you could get put in jail or end up in court forever.

WAITER: Good point. What if someone orders an illegal drink with a fake ID, I don’t keep a record of it, and he gets in his car, runs someone over, and I get blamed. That “journal of official waitorial acts” could be my only defense.

CUSTOMER: I never thought of that. You know, you CAN thumbprint me. I even brought my NNA thumbprinter.

NOTARY: Are you a Notary too?

CUSTOMER: Not yet, but I’m going to become one, and I’m learning something right here about being a Notary. It can be a dangerous job if something goes wrong.

NOTARY: It’s like driving. It’s safe 99.9% of the time, and then something unusual happens and then only your seatbelt can help.

WAITER: Many people don’t like precautions unless they sound like Covid-19 precautions — then they like endless restrictions and precautions.

CUSTOMER: If I were running this joint I would say — you can have that jackhammer, BUT ONLY if you sign this journal. But, you can’t sign the journal unless you wash your hands three times and say hail Mary, and then walk around in a circle counter clockwise, use a sanitized pen, and then sign it wearing an N-95 facemask.

NOTARY: How about sound effects. If someone orders a jackhammer, shouldn’t that come with sound effects. Maybe get some sampling?

WAITER: How about this? “Chu chuh chuh chuh chuh…… HEY SULLY, we’re that pipe you brought ovuh? chuh chuh chuh chuh …. WHAT? I CAN”T HEAR YOU. I got my ear plugs on.”

CUSTOMER: Wow, that changed the whole customer experience in an even better way than those meaningless restrictions.

WAITER: Sully says he likes the part about the hail Mary as you go around three times.

NOTARY: Is Sully a real person?

WAITER: He’s real to me! So, let me guess. Would you like to try a virgin Notarita?

NOTARY: Sounds great, but the drink sounds underaged. I don’t want to get in trouble.

CUSTOMER: It’s okay, the drink has been aged 21 years. We just need to make sure that you are of proper age and sound of mind.

NOTARY: Here’s my ID. Wow, this is like life in reverse.

WAITER: So you could notarize that drink because it’s old enough.

NOTARY: It’s age is passing, but it doesn’t have an ID.

WAITER: But, it does have a signature — in fact it’s our signature drink.

NOTARY: In that case, that makes it okay. So, honestly, are all of your clients as interesting as us?

WAITER: Some are a lot more interesting. But, it’s hit and miss, especially the ones who forgot their ID.

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August 12, 2021

If Vivaldi wrote a piece for Notaries, what would it be called?

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 6:44 am

Vivaldi wrote one of the most famous pieces of music ever written called “The Four Seasons.” In California, we only have two seasons and in India they have three. Looks like Antonio Vivaldi didn’t travel enough. But, what if he wrote for Notaries?

Here are my ideas.

The Four Signatures
The Four Notaries
The Four Brothers who were Notaries
The Four Italian Notaries.
Notarizing in Legato
Andante con moto Notario!

Personally, I never liked Vivaldi. I love Bach, Rameau, and some of the German Baroque composers. But the other French and Italian Baroque composers I didn’t care for.

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August 10, 2021

Digging into your journal to remember what types of experience you have

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:43 am

Most Notaries draw a blank when I ask them what types of loans they have signed. They all say Refinances, and most say Purchases. Beyond that it is a biz haze. But, in your notes section, people want to read more about you than just Refinances. People want to read what makes you unique, not what makes you the same. You would not write that you have two eyes and a nose, right? Okay, bad example, many people would write that. So, what is the solution?

Dig through your JOURNAL to see records of what type of signings you have done. Assuming you do a thorough job in your journal, or saving your order faxes/emails, you might find a ton of information about what you have done. If you have signed three or more of a particular type of package, you could claim that you are “familiar” with it.

I don’t know where to draw the line about how familiar you are about a particular type of package, but if you have done a few, or studied it through some course, that really helps establish familiarity.

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August 8, 2021

Memorial of Carmen Towles, former salesperson for 123notary

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:42 am

CARMEN’S DEATH
Carmen Towles passed away in July of 2020. I found out on July 25th from a client. I believe she passed away on the 24th, but I see other conflicting reports on Notary Rotary saying it happened two weeks before that. The last time I talked to Carmen was on June 29th when she was released from the hospital. She was able to talk but wasn’t making logical sense. She couldn’t remember if she had a gall stone or a kidney stone. I think you would remember that.

Carmen died of Pancreatic cancer, but had a gall bladder infection too. She never told me about the cancer, perhaps because she didn’t want me to worry. I think it would have been better if she had told me so I could plan ahead.

OUR HISTORY TOGETHER
In any case, Carmen and I worked together for 17 years since 2003. I remember the first time I met her at the entrance to our complex. I was selling her a course book. She was very talkative, inquisitive, and sharp. She kept calling me to ask questions and became very knowledgeable as a signing agent. Carmen claimed she took the NNA course, but that it did not make her feel confident enough to go out and do real signing work. After she mastered our 123notary course, she felt she got a practical road map of what to do and how to handle situations. As time went on, I begged her to work for me. She initially didn’t want to. It took a few years to get her to work full time. After she got used to it, signings slowed down, and she became hooked on 123. She did the new sales and renewals and was very possessive about the work.

CARMEN AS A MENTOR
Carmen was an excellent mentor to many of our Notaries. She taught them the twists and turns of what can happen at signings and with the various companies who hire Notaries. She kept many out of trouble and inspired all. She had real charisma, pizzazz, combined with a deep and pragmatic knowledge of Notary law and signing competency. Nobody else combined her flamboyance and knowledge. None of the other Notary companies have anyone even half as good as she was.

CARMEN’S INPUT
Carmen helped me put together a new over the phone test content as well as a new course which is on the blog and free — Notary Public 101. We wanted to emphasize what gets Notaries in trouble, so they can stay out of trouble. The other courses taught information which was about loan documents which is fine, but you don’t normally get in trouble for not understanding the documents, you get in trouble for notary mistakes or mishandling situations.

OUR LOSS
The Notaries are very sad that Carmen is gone. There will never be another Carmen. I am sad that I never got to say goodbye. I didn’t think she would pass away so fast. I thought she had another year where she would function at half speed. But, I can communicate easily with spirits, so I have had a few simple dialogues with Carmen.

JEREMY: How are things in the brighter world?
CARMEN: I’m getting a lot of rest.

JEREMY: What will I do without you?
CARMEN: Oh, don’t worry about it.

JEREMY: Do you have to wear face masks up there?
CARMEN: Ha ha…. no!!!

LIFE WITHOUT CARMEN
So, now I have to do all of Carmen’s work. I call all of the renewal people. It wouldn’t take that long except that the higher level people like to chat. Many of our higher level people have been with us for years, in some cases up to 20 years, and they have stories from long back. The bigger issue is not having to do her work. I am missing the new calls because I am not prepared to answer the phone all the time. I am not sure how I will hire someone new who will be acceptable and who will last.

And third, I miss Carmen because she is like a family member to me. She understood me well, and had very sensible advice for me about all of my issues. I didn’t necessarily agree with all of her advice, but most of it was good. I am very sad, lonely and don’t know what to expect of the future. The future doesn’t look very bright now, but you never know. I am going to try out several new ladies who seem promising.

With all of the bad vibes in the atmosphere due to the Covid19 issue, riots, and political upheaval, it seemed like the devil made his rounds to disrupt many cities, many lives, many political issues, etc. First there were Covid19 shutdowns which took away our rights. 80% of what I could do outside of the house was shut down or disappeared. Then the devil came to my neighborhood with the riots. A month later my site went down for a week. Actually that was done by angels for my protection, but felt like the devil was somehow involved. And then my site went back up, Carmen became incapacitated and then died shortly after. So much grief in just five months. No wonder I feel more depressed than I have felt in years.

Carmen was always there, usually answered the phone, only went on one quick vacation that I knew about which was a cruise in Mexico. But, she kept her phone with her so she was accessible. She even did phone duty while she was on Jury Duty. She was always there, and now she will never be there again.

I will have my psychic contact Carmen in the brighter world to see if she has anything she wants to tell the Notaries. My ability for spirit communication is okay for very quick questions and answers but not good enough for conversations. So, we will leave this up to Walter who is an expert.

Incoming phone communication to 123notary is basically almost impossible now. I answer some of my incoming calls. but, I really can’t get more than 10%. If you want to reach me fast, just use the email form on 123epayment.com. I am very slow by info@123notary.com, so if you are in a hurry, 123epayment.com is a little faster.

So for now, that is all I can say.

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August 6, 2021

In August 2015, the Goddess Kali displayed on the Empire State Building

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:40 am

I heard from two sources that the Goddess Kali’s image was displayed on the Empire State Building in New York City.

For some that is just an image. For others it is scary as Kali is intense looking. For religious types, it might be considered blasphemy! But, for me, it is an omen of things to come.

Kali is the god of change, death and destruction among other things. She is from India. Many believe that California is named after Kali, and Cali, Colombia might also be. Additionally, Shiva is a God of destruction in India as well. But, these Gods are higher level spiritual entities or demi-Gods if you will. I cannot elevate them to the level of the God of the Universe as that is forbidden and also false information.

So, in August 2015 we see an image of Kali hovering over New York on it’s tallest building. Then, five years later we see New York economically destroyed due to Covid-19 shutdowns which are not constitutional and also an overreaction. Just because many people are dying all at once you don’t have to kill the entire economy. That is suicide.

There was a prophecy that America would be destroyed and its main port invaded, and its walls penetrated (walls of the Pentagon were actually penetrated and those are our thickest walls). It would come like an eagle swooping down from the sky. And in 2001, the plane that swooped down had an emblem of an eagle on it.

The destruction happened a little in 2001 as a warning or appetizer, but the bigger destruction happened in 2020. So, it seems to me that the destruction did not happen because of showing a false God, but that Kali was a premonition, omen or warning of things to come, or perhaps a spiritual presence that took a few years to fully manifest.

It is sad that NYC has basically been destroyed. It was the first capitol of the USA and ground zero was where Washington was sworn in in the year 1789. I believe that the USA will have a new main city, but it might be in the midwest or somewhere very far away from NYC and might have a very different character as well.

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August 4, 2021

Kamala Harris proposes a $300 minimum fee for signings

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:33 am

KAMALA: I suggest a $300 minimum fee for loan signings.

RAND PAUL: If you do that, then most Notaries will be put out of work. Hiring parties will still have the right to NOT hire people…. at all.

JEREMY: Stop making sense! If everybody made sense then nothing would get done.

KAMALA: I remember that 20 years ago, there was a little girl who dreamed about being a mobile notary, and driving a Mercedes C class on her way to signings. Every night after she came home from school she would study Notary journals. She had to look up every second word because it was written in legalese. That little girl would do anything to become a successful mobile notary.

JEREMY: Let me guess — that little girl was you.

KAMALA: Hey, I’m supposed to say that.

RAND PAUL: I think the “20 years ago” part is a bit of a stretch.

KAMALA: Stay out of it!!! — I’ve still “got it” and you know it. I saw you checking me out.

JEREMY: A point well made. But, during your debate with Biden you said that you thought mobile notaries only deserved $150 minimum fee. Why a sudden change in heart?

KAMALA: It was a debate…. (pause)… It was a deBATE… (pause). It was a debate!!!! It was a debate…………………………………… ha ha ha ha ha!!! It was a debate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAND PAUL: Isn’t she supposed to say that exactly 12 times?

JEREMY: Does Joe check you out too?

KAMALA: (frustrated look). None of your business!!!!!!

JEREMY: You can buy a lot of masala dosa with $300 per signing. But, the price of sambar is going up.

KAMALA: Not if you make it yourself. And I know where to buy the best ingredients!

TUCKER CARLSON: It looks like you are creating an elite class of Notaries who get all the work while everyone else starves. Is that the goal of socialism? It’s sure not my goal.

KAMALA: No!!! I just want people to get paid what they deserve.

JEREMY: They already do get paid what they deserve. It is called a free market.

RAND PAUL: At $300 per hit it’s anything but free. And with the test scores people get on Jeremy’s test, I’m not sure if they deserve more than $30 per signing… on a good day.

JEREMY: Good point. I was supposed to say that.

TUCKER CARLSON: Well you can say that next time.

LAURA INGRAHAM: And that’s the angle!

BYSTANDER: AT $300 per hit, I would just notarize myself.

JEREMY: That’s illegal

TUCKER CARLSON: That’s correct, and that wraps it up. Now, on to peace in the Middle East, or the lack of it. We have an interview with Bibi Netanyahu…

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August 2, 2021

I gave a free upgrade offer to many notaries

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 6:31 am

I filtered out a list of 100 notaries who did really well on our email quiz. I offered them a free upgrade if they did well on a more complicated ten question quiz. Only four have answered back and so far nobody has done well on it.

I want to offer opportunities to others. I don’t even charge for a lot of these opportunities. But, if you guys would study more, you might do well on my quizzes and get ahead in life. I would feel happier too.

Notary Public 101 on our blog offers a great opportunity to study from materials that will help you pass our email quizzes. It is not rocket science and it will help you become a more polished notary.

Maybe one day the situation will change and motivation will reign supreme. On a brighter note, we sell more certification courses now than a year ago.

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July 30, 2021

What if the USA were divided into substates with constitition(s)?

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 5:37 am

I like the idea of a country having semi-autonomous states. But, the problem is that people in the respective states are opposed to each other on political grounds. The urban areas tend to be left leaning and the remote areas tend to be more republican.

Having people who oppose each other in every part of America has led to tremendous conflict. I don’t think that the left can reeducate the right into “correct” thinking, and I don’t think that Republicans and Libertarians can convince the left to subscribe to the idea of basing opinions on facts and reasoning either. My solution is to have areas committed to particular ideologies.

Traditionally, Texas was a right leaning state. However, due to all of the migrations of West Coast people to other states (often for tech jobs) the state of Texas will eventually turn left. There are many states that are swing states whose political future is uncertain.

I think it might be easier to have parts of states (rather than entire states) with well defined boundaries define themselves into one of several categories. Far left, soft left, moderate, soft right, hard right, libertarian, green, lenient on drugs, lenient on felons, white is right, black is right, or uncategorized. This way people could choose to live in areas where others share their sensibilities in some basic ways. That would eliminate clash.

Additionally, it would make sense if these “areas” had constitutions that hardcode specific types of policies in a way that cannot be undone unless they got a 90% vote. The left leaning areas could mandate a minimum wage equal to exactly half of whatever the median income in that area was. The right leaning areas could have a ban on minimum wage and no rules for registering firearms. The green zones could require that a particular percentage of their energy come from particular sources, and that could be programmed to gradually evolve to a higher percentage over time. The “Black is Right” areas could cater to black business ownership. The white is right area could cater to creating better BBQ sauces. Additionally the left leaning areas could keep schools closed 11 months a year if God forbid there is a disease that only kills the elderly — that makes sense, right?

Using this system, although we still might disagree about Federal leadership, at least we would be somewhat on the same page with our neighbors. And if you don’t like the basic policies of one type of areas, rather than voting to change it, you could move to another area that supports your ideology. Perhaps over time there could be different variations on policies in the various states so you could get that perfect mix of policies in some particular place.

For me, I love Los Angeles, so even though politically it is opposite of what I believe in, at least the weather is good and there is great food and lots of activities. And the things I don’t like about Los Angeles are mostly nationwide problems. The only way to escape wokism is to move to Wyoming or South Dakota and there is not a whole lot going on there.

The Lakota people believe that tribal or clan decisions should have unanimous consent. That way you function as a people. Those who cannot go along with the group traditionally broke off and created their own bands. Although the Lakota clans fought with other tribes, they were on the same page with each other and survived as a nation for hundreds of years. One Lakota elder (the late) Russell Means thinks that the USA cannot survive as a nation because we have no culture, and we are all doing our own thing and have no common ideology. I think he has a point and that point has never been as well understood by myself until today.

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July 28, 2021

A Rabbi explains Notary Oaths & Affirmations

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , , — admin @ 5:24 am

Oaths and Affirmations have many religious overtones. The fact that God is mentioned in one and not the other is one aspect. The other gets into rules that resemble some of the rules for getting in an elevator during a kosher shabbat. Remember — some elevators are more kosher than others.

SUSIE: Rabbi, I heard that you can discuss how to do kosher notarizations. Can you elaborate in the case of Oaths?

RABBI NOTARIVICH: Yes. You see, (pauses, while pulling gently on his long and flowing beard) there are two types of solemn statements that could be made under the penalty of perjury to a Notary Public. One is an Oath, and the other is an Affirmation. The affirmation cannot be kosher because it doesn’t mention God. But, on the other hand the Oath is also perhaps not kosher because it makes you swear under Oath to God as a special act. This insinuates that under normal situations you would not necessarily tell the truth, but because you are engaged in a solemn ceremony with the Notary Public under the penalty of perjury that you will tell the truth. So, therefore neither solemn statement is kosher from that point of view.

On the other hand, for legal purposes we need such acts, otherwise, supposedly nothing could get done in the business world. And since we need to have sworn statements, it would be good if we did so under God, not solely for the purpose of swearing under God, but because those who engage in Affirmations seem to ignore God, disacknowledge God, dislike God, or dislike those who believe in him. So, Oaths would be more kosher than Affirmations relatively speaking although there is no formal standard, and technically a Notary act can neither be kosher, nor non-kosher.

However, on the third hand…

SUSIE: Rabbi, do you have three hands?

RABBI: Figuratively, I have infinite hands, it is a manner of speech. Anyway… So, on the third hand, there is another legal aspect which parallels with some of the ideology behind kosher elevators.

SUSIE: Does that mean you have to do a blessing on the elevator, or do a blessing while you are in the elevator, or the elevator needs to be milchik?

RABBI: If you ate meat, you definitely shouldn’t cook in a milchik elevator, but not so many people cook in an elevator unless they are really behind schedule. But, when a Notary is confronted with a client, the Notary may not choose the Notary act. They can explain the Notary acts and compare and contrast them but not choose them. The notary can ask if the client wants an Oath or Affirmation. Now, the case may arise where the Affiant is not the client. One party is paying for the notarization while another is being Notarized. This is common. So, which one chooses the Notary act. The answer is the one paying even if he chooses the wrong act for the situation. The document custodian if there is one might be wise to voice a preference as to what type of Notary act they will accept, as they can ultimately reject the notarization.

SUSIE: So, this is complicated, you have an affiant, a client, a custodian, a notary, AND a rabbi? What would happen if all of these entities went into a bar together? Or had to screw in a light bulb? What would happen?

RABBI: Easy. If the Rabbi was asked how to screw in the light bulb, he would want to spend at least 100 hours referencing sources in the scriptures and the midrashim to find suitable precedents for how to handle the situation. However, he would get nowhere because he wouldn’t be able to see without a functional lightbulb, so he would sit there in frustration and ultimately shrug his shoulders, say, “Oy gevalt”, and then leave. The document custodian would not be there so he could do nothing. The affiant would be a guest and would therefore do nothing. The client would be remote as well and would do nothing. The Notary would leave. However, the building custodian — a sixth entity would probably be the one to change the lightbulb, or the building manager, or whomever owns or manages the property.

SUSIE: That was complicated but makes sense. What if they went into a bar?

RABBI: The Rabbi would order a Manhattan, but would spent 20 minutes bothering the bartender as to whether or not the glass it was to be served in had even touched anything with dairy over the life of its existence and the bar tender would get annoyed and help someone else. The Notary would order a Santa Barbara Cabernet Sauvignon called, “Notary Public Red Blend”… yes, it actually exists, or something with the name Notary Public because the vineyard was owned by someone who used to be a Notary. The client would order a beer, and the affiant, would not want to swear under the influence so he would say, “I will have Ginger Ale”.

SUSIE: An interesting take on an old joke.

RABBI: So anyway, the client or the affiant if he is also the client chooses the type of notarization. We can compare choosing the notarization to pressing a button on an elevator or online menu. After all, with online notarizations, you would have to click a button to choose your notary act. On Shabbat which is from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown a person who is shomer shabbat (who follows the rules of kosher) cannot press an elevator button or turn on a light unless it is an emergency. However, a kosher elevator, stops on every floor, so you don’t have to press a button to call it nor do you have to press a button to choose what floor.

SUSIE: I feel sorry for kosher people who used to go to the world trade center, that used to have 200 floors. That would take four hours to get to the top if it stopped at every floor and by then shabbat would be half over.

RABBI: A good point.

ANSWERING QUICK QUESTIONS BY PHONE ON THE SABBATH

LAURA: Rabbi, I called a Notary on Shabbat to ask if she did Debt Consolidations. She responded that she could not answer business questions on Shabbat because that would be working. So, I asked, why did you answer the phone then?

RABBI: On the one hand.

SUSIE: Here we go with the hands again. I’m expecting at least four hands.

RABBI: One the one hand, and just for the sake of argument, let’s say it is the left hand, it is forbidden to work on the sabbath which is shabbat in Hebrew. The Torah also forbids walking more than 2000 cubits out of your respective town on shabbat, perhaps because that would also be laborious even though that is not work. 2000 cubits is roughly 1KM just for the sake of reference. And it might take 15 minutes to walk that far.

So, this kosher Notary is willing to burden herself with a phone call on shabbat not knowing if it is a personal call or a business call. Since the Torah prohibits, working, but also prohibits recreational activities such as unnecessary or excessive walking that could prove laborious after a few minutes…. hmmm… there is no formal point of view on this matter.

It seems that since the notary took the trouble to answer the call which she knew had nothing to do with shabbat, that she could also answer a quick question about business just as long as answering that question was not excessively laborious like walking a kilometer. After all, at Synagogue, people discuss what business they are in and what is going on at their companies. That is talking about work, but it is very different than actually working. The point of not being laborious in any way on Shabbat is to save your energy and focus for prayer, relaxing, and socializing. If you waste your time on endless phone calls you lose that focus. It would be better that she would not answer the phone unless it was family or related to shabbat. But, answering a quick question would be okay in my book. I’m sure others will disagree as this is a controversial topic.

It would probably be better not to answer any phone calls on shabbat unless it is an emergency or related to who is coming to dinner.

NOTARY REVIEWS: SLANDER & GOSSIP ACCORDING TO THE SCRIPTURES

VICKI: Rabbi, if a Notary did a bad job, would it be considered unkosher gossip or “Leshon Hara” to write a bad review on his listing?

RABBI: Many will agree that committing leshon hara could be worse than murder. But, on the other hand, if you don’t say anything, that notary might harm others endlessly. If you write a bad review, you might be harming that Notary’s reputation which could cause terrible spiritual consequences in this life and the next. On the other hand, if you don’t write the review, that Notary might harm others. So, should you choose the lesser of the evils? Should you only write the review if that Notary did something very bad and showed no sign of remorse? It is hard to answer a question like this as it is a judgement call.

THE NOTARY AND THE BACON BURGER

SAM: I just did a meditation where I visited Notary Hell. There was a guy there who wrote a bad review about someone who ruined a hospital notarization. The only crime the inmate at hell had done in his life was to write a bad review. The Notary’s reputation was permanently ruined as his prime clients saw the review, and the Notary later starved to death as a result. And it was all because of that guy who wrote the bad review.

RABBI: Did he mention anything about how the social life is in hell? Word on the street is, “Go to hell for the social life, but heaven for the weather.”

SAM: Next time I’ll have to ask. I’m going to the underworld tonight, but I’m sure I’ll have time to visit hell sometime on Wednesday. Oh wait. I have an Apostille signing on Wednesday, maybe Wednesday night.

RABBI: One of my friends accidentally ate a piece of bacon and he was sure he would end up in hell. Could you… umm… you know, check up on him and see if he actually made it to hell?

SAM: Was his name Saul? And did he always wear red suspenders?

RABBI: Yes.

SAM: Never heard of him.. Just kidding. Saul is in purgatory. His Teshuva (repentance) is to think less about nonsensical trivialities. Until he masters this, the angels won’t let him into heaven.

RABBI: The irony of it all. Well I guess that wraps it up. We have answered all of our rabbinical Notary questions. Tune in next week to Ask the Rabbi!

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July 26, 2021

Jeremy’s culinary trip to the hood results in a paranormal situation

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 5:20 am

I had been dreaming of going to South Central (The Hood) to sample Salvadorian food. I had not been in about 15 or 20 years since I was doing notary work. It used to be a black area, and then it turned into a Salvadorean area. That is how Los Angeles is. Pretty soon the whole city will be Salvadorean…. or perhaps Honduran if the refugee crisis continues. I have been wanting to do this for two years, but never had time.

After my chiropractic appointment on Friday, I had this thought that I should “just do it” even though I would risk sounding like a Nike commercial. So, I went food tasting in Larchmont first. I had my blueberry banana smoothie to get my fruit and berry energy for my health regimen. Then I sampled a piece of lemon cake and chocolate from a cafe. This was in a very poche part of town. Then I went down Western. The traffic was the worst I’ve seen in years. I inched my way down block by block. There was very little to see and no restaurants worth visiting. By this time I was pretty deep in the hood.

Then, a tiny waft of marijuana smoke came in my window — from where, it is unclear. I felt a drugged experience immediately. But, not a marijuana experience. I can’t describe it. I didn’t like it. But, I don’t do drugs and I was sober. It was a heavy, low and distorted feeling. I felt slightly dehydrated and mildly lightheaded as well. After that I felt terror. I had no idea why. I didn’t see that many people on the sidewalk, but the one I saw looked very drugged out. I felt that I was in the wrong place, but thank God during the day. I wanted to get out — and fast. So I turned left and it got more normal again. I drove East and started feeling normal again, then drove North, and then down Vermont. There was a good Asian noodle spot near the university, but they were closed and there was no parking anyway. Vermont was slow going South as well and there was nothing good to see.

After I got back, my psychic said that some 11 year olds were being drugged very close to where I was driving, and they were hired to kill someone. That is why I felt what I felt. I thought the hood was safe now. But, according to the psychic, I shouldn’t be down there …. at all.

So, I guess I am very sensitive to pick up on what other people are doing at least from the vibration. This experience was sort of paranormal, and very disturbing. But, nothing bad happened. I learned never to drive around Los Angeles Friday afternoon. It is terrible. But, Sunday is a good day, and if I ever do another food tour, I will try it then. My papusa dining experience will have to wait!

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