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July 21, 2019

Sciatic Notary Pain

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 4:45 am

During my last sciatic episode I decided to write about this topic. Notaries by and large sit too much, and if you do sit too much, you are in danger of aggravating what the Chinese call your “sitting bone nerve” (zuo gu shen jing) which means your sciatic nerve. Once you have sciatic pain it very rarely permanently goes away. You might get acupuncture, but similar to a lost dog, it always comes home to its rightful owner. So, what to do?

There are two common underlying (or undersitting) reasons for sciatica. One is sitting too much putting pressure and degenerating tissue in your rear end (above the tail gate). The other reasons is that sitting or general degeneration has eroded the tissue in your discs in your lower back which puts pressure on the nerve causing pain.

This situation is painful, unpleasant and dangerous as it can lead to crippling effects and affect your bladder function after more degeneration. Surgery is sometimes an option as well as injections of stem cells.

A more holistic way to regenerate your discs is hanging several minutes a day from your arms or on a teeter machine which hangs up upside down. This way the discs can stretch and blood can get in for a few minutes and give nutrients to the struggling disc. Standing more or sitting less is another solution. Acupuncture helps a lot but you need to keep having it. Hot baths help too. Exercising your back helps as well as strong muscles in the back help keep the vertebra a little father apart from each other so that the nerve doesn’t get pinched. Stretching a few minutes each day is helpful and your chiropractor can tell you exactly hot to do it.

The main thing is that sciatica is a pain in the butt. But, the problem with my job is that I spend all day sitting — I cant stand sitting. But, how do you get up if you work at a computer? I hate standing desks.

The pain was so bad one day I started thinking of alternate careers.
I could be a stand up comedian – the stand most of the time, at least when they are not writing material.
Or I could watch stand up comedians and give them a standing ovation.
Or I could go to the dairy section and by a half dozen eggs in a standing ovulation (not sure if it works that way.)
Working as a host at a restaurant would work — they do a lot of standing and walking, but it might look funny doing my stretches at the front podium… hmmm.

The basic message to notaries is, you sit too much and you need to do more:
Stretching, walking, standing, going to the gym, and then you will probably live longer and better. Try doing loan signing standing up. “Would you like a seat?” “No, I’ll stand… I am protecting my sciatic nerve.” And one more tip — don’t watch Happy Days because they always say, “Sit on it!”

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July 20, 2019

Father and daughter notary event

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:42 am

In another article I wrote about a father and daughter notary team. But, what about a father and daughter notary event? What would the activities be?

ANNOUNCER: Now, it is time for the embossing contest. Which team can emboss the most amount of pages in living wills?

GIRL: Don’t those have about 60 pages per document?

ANNOUNCER: Yes!

GIRL: I’ll try and I hope I LIVE through it otherwise I will need a living will.

ANNOUNCER: Actually then you will need a dying will.

GIRL: Oh, I’m dying to get one of those.

FATHER: Honey, I don’t think you need one of those quite yet. You just turned 18 and are only on your first commission. You won’t expire yet unless you get hit by a truck on the way to an Affidavit signing. Hey, it happens. That is why I got you a car with airbags.

GIRL: Isn’t my father great?

ANNOUNCER: Now it is time for the refill the notary stamp with ink competition. Ready, set, ink up!

GIRL: This competition is so messy. I wish I could skip it but it is such good practice. I might need to do this in real life.

FATHER: Might? You need to do it every year if you stay busy.

GIRL: I’ll stay busy. I’m on the database for 200 low-balling signing companies. If my price is low enough, they will work me into the ground and then not pay me.

FATHER: Sounds like a good long term plan… not! Make sure they pay you before you do anything more for them.

ANNOUNCER: Now it is time for the jump on the notary stamp contents. You make a giant stamp in this twenty foot long piece of paper.

FATHER: I’m so out of shape. I really need to get to the gym more.

ANNOUNCER: This is just like a gym and will get you in shape. Do jump to stamp daily and you will lose a pound a week.

GIRL: Okay, I’m jumping… how was that stamp? Oops, I bet the county recorder won’t like that one. I hate having to stand on this giant stamp.

ANNOUNCER: And the winner of the day is Jack Stampman… great name for a Notary by the way.

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July 19, 2019

The A.D.D. culture and your listing and notary marketing

Filed under: Your Notes Section — admin @ 4:39 am

When Notaries create their listings, they think about what they want to write, but rarely think about what the readers want to see. Notaries also rarely think about the mental state of the readers.

We live in the age of attention deficit disorder. Children used to have it, now those children have grown up, need Notaries and search for Notaries using SnapDocs which caters to people with attention issues.

People these days need more exercise, more oxygen to the brain and more of a clue, but that’s never going to happen. So, what’s the solution? Writing better Notary notes sections.

People searching for Notaries want these things.
1. You respond to texts in three seconds or less.
2. Your profile tells them everything they want to know in a format that makes them able to read it in three seconds or less.
3. You answer all of their questions by phone (if they still use those contraptions) in three seconds or less.

This means that if you advertise on 123notary, you will get emails, and phone calls but probably not texts as we do not want to automate texts. And you need to pick up that antiquated talkerizer machine (still called a phone) and answer asap. You need to answer emails asap as well. Don’t keep people waiting because they are the ADD generation. Millennials have ruined the world as we know it and when they are older they will probably destroy it altogether if they have the patience to figure out how (which is our saving grace because they have no patience). Additionally, they will probably feel too entitled to destroy the world themselves and will probably try to employ the help of others who have a work ethic.

Additionally, your notes section needs to cater to the ADD folks. If you put, “Hello my name is Susan and I am NNA certified” at the top of your notes, you are boring them with your name that they already know and your certification which 90% of people on 123notary already have. Bore them with something a little more unique about you and put it in a format that can be scanned in three seconds or less. Think from the perspective of an ADD(er). If I had ADD, or was an ADDs (not AIDS) patient, how would I want to look for a notary — and use George Costanza’s three second rule. Scan…. scan… scannn… oh there’s one — he is Pavaso certified, knows how to do deconstruction loans (sounds leftist), and likes saying hello to puppies (how cute!) Let’s hire him!

Next you need to appeal to the preferences of the hiring class who are increasingly millennials (not perennials unless you are a tax preparer). They want people who are not too manly, so don’t show off your barbell collection. Having a cute little dog in an outfit is good if you are a guy (especially if you do a lot of waving and selfies with the dog. And if you are a woman, try to have an app for your service because millennials with ADD need an APP otherwise no nOTTary deal.

My last point is don’t use foreign words. One Notary used the word “rolodex” and another used “rotary dial phone” in their profile. Some of the millennial users complained that they had to use a dictionary to understand some of the notes sections.

So, keep it simple and keep it quick. Remember to use George Constanza’s golden principle about the three second rule. Don’t bore people with the same old thing they read in other people’s notes section but emphasize what makes you different. Good luck and have us proofread and millennify your notes!

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July 18, 2019

A slogan for a notary on board with 123notary

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 4:37 am

We have a Notary called Terrie Gillett.

Here is my slogan:

“For a closer notarization every time!”

But, maybe this Notary can come up with a politically correct television commercial too that has nothing to do with Notary work. Perhaps there could be white guys flirting with women and then black men telling them that it is not cool And some men shaving and little boys play fighting and some adults who decide that boys must not be boys. We can challenge the whole concept of natural primate behavior and decide that God was wrong the way he designed us and that we know better. There are so many possibilities for this commercial. And then at the end of the commercial the idea of Notary work could be discussed.

The commercial idea might sound convoluted, but when you appeal to millennials, you have to address their ideas of social justice and then cringe when you think about what the world will be like when they run the senate if there is an America at that time any more.

On the converse side, you could have notaries fighting over a Notary seal and then say, “Notaries will be Notaries!” I think that would be more fun!

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July 17, 2019

Notary fortune cookie

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:35 am

I can imagine if there were a Chinese restaurant run by a Notary, in addition to having a lot of dishes with squid ink, there could be interesting messages in fortune cookies.

“Don’t quit business over stolen FedEx.”

That one is good. I had a client whose FedEx package got stolen. She wanted to quit, but I told her that stuff happens and you have to keep on keeping on.

“He who notarize without proper ID not have commission long.”

I know I know… just ask for another ID.

“Do not backdate unless have good time machine.”

Don’t try that one at home.

“Chinese philosophers need Notary too: Confucious, Mencious and Facetious. That last philosopher doesn’t exist in real life — I was just being facetious.”

“You will inherit many customer soon after you upgrade advertising.”

“Your dual tray printer will have long life — but, still invest in good warranty just in case.”

“Chinese notary tip – Notarize for your girlfriend so you can see her ID and find out her real age.”

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July 16, 2019

Notarizing at a sushi restaurant

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:29 am

PAUL: Hi, I need a Notary…

NOTARY: Yes, this is Golden Gate Notary, how can I assist?

PAUL: I need this affidavit notarized. Can you meet me for sushi at Yamazaki’s?

NOTARY: Hmmm. That’s a little bit of an unusual request. But, I guess I can make it.

(later on that day at the restaurant)

HOSTESS: Welcome to Yamazaki’s. Can I seat you?

NOTARY: Yes, I’m looking for Paul. Is he here?

HOSTESS: Oh yes, Paul is over there.

PAUL: Hi there. The quality of this place is like a roller coaster. They had to hire a new sushi chef because the last one didn’t cut it. Then they hired this hippie guy. He never came to work on time, and was normally stoned. But, he was exceptionally good at rolling things.

NOTARY: Good one! I’m looking at the menu. They have a bass, but no treble. Maybe I should bring that up with management.

PAUL: Hi, I haven’t decided what I want.

WAITRESS: I think you want the yellow tail collar.

PAUL: How did you know?

WAITRESS: Because I have collar ID and am psychic.

PAUL: What is it with psychic waitresses? Okay…. You talked me into it. I got one for you. What type of food do people eat on Chinese boats?

WAITRESS: Junk food – told you I was good at this.

PAUL: Okay, now here is my affidavit. Please try not to get any wasabi or ginger on it. Affidavit of Domicile. Where do I sign?

NOTARY: Right there….. good. Now I’m going go notarize it. Done.

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July 15, 2019

Notarizing for a “white” ethnostate

Right wing bloggers talk a lot about having a white ethno-state. The left considers it to be “racist”, yet never objects to the fact that most Asian countries and Indian reservations are racist ethno-states too. Why the double standards? Do those groups have a pass card when it comes to only being with their own people?

In any case, the notary was called in to a signing in Florida regarding transport of some goods to the ethno-state. There was an inventory of tractors, and some other farm equipment and seeds that were being shipped. However, the signer told the Notary a story about the history of the ethno-state. This story supposedly takes place in 2032 which for those of you who don’t keep track of time is in the future.

A bunch of white guys back in 2020 wanted to make their own state so they would have a comfortable place to raise their kids. But, the U.S. government did not afford them a reservation or make any allowances in their favor. So, they lobbied, and got together a larger group of people to see if they could get anywhere. Still, the answer was no. So much for white privilege. They had long discussions of how they defined “white” and how white you needed to be, whether or not you needed to be Christian, how Christian, and what percentage of non-whites would be allowed into their non-realistic little kingdom. There was also no agreement as to where this tiny kingdom would be although Vermont, Idaho, and Kentucky were mentioned Nobody could agree on anything. But, it didn’t matter because the government would not cooperate with their seemingly unreasonable request.

Then, the conversation continued by networking with White South Africans who are being persecuted for committing the crime of being white. No, not driving or walking while white… Farming while white. There are lots of youtube videos on this topic by the way. Whites were being murdered, raped, and tortured as a way to terrorize them into leaving their land so that lower income blacks could inherit this land which supposedly was theirs first contrary to actual history. The click speaking tribes were indigenous to the area. but, the Zulu’s and other tribes came from up North at the same time the Whites came up from down South in South Africa in the 16 and 1700’s. The Americans decided it was too dangerous to join hands with their South African brethren and decided to seek other options.

Then they decided to talk with members of an already existing white (or off-white) ethno-state… Israel. The Israelis filled these American’s minds with lots of realistic thoughts about what they needed to do, what they could do, what problems they would face, and how to deal with the problems. The basic message was to have a thriving economy, a great military and most important — lots of chutzbah. But, the Israelis said they could not help out as that would be bad for public relations. The Israelis recommended that the Americans find a donor and try to buy part of a Caribbean island near America and set up a state there. Somewhere with good Farmland, a seaport, airport, and good places to build properties.

So, a group of about 4000 Americans found a donor, bought some land in Haiti which was very fertile, set up shop, and created their own state. Life was exciting while people were setting up shop. Word on the street was, “We finally did it… I can’t believe we really did it.” But, then soon after, problems ensued. Many people wanted to have sushi, but nobody knew how to make it. So, they had to have someone from Japan come over. Next, they wanted Mexican food because they couldn’t live without it. So, they had Jose come over from California. Next, they realized that they could not operate their businesses efficiently without computer support, and none of the whites knew anything about computers, so they had some people from India come over. After that, people needed help with building new housing units and had to have several thousand people come from Mexico to help with that. Farm labor was needed to , so another several thousand people came over from bankrupt Haiti. As time went on, a profitable and popular resort was built near the seaport and an even greater demand for labor was created once again to be filled by people who did not meet the ethno-racial standards of the ethno-state.

The economy was going great, but at this point the population had gone from 100% white down to 12%. So, the whites had a discussion. They decided that since whites as a group had such a limited skill set that they couldn’t survive in the long run without all of the other cultural groups. They also decided that to attain their goal of being with their people, they would be better of going to a place like Poland, Ireland, or Wisconsin.

After a few more years, the whites felt discouraged, and found others to manage their businesses which were somewhat profitable, and the donors were making nice dividends on their investment for land in Haiti. The remaining whites decided that they would have their own segregated little part of town where whites could be with whites. After another year, there were only three whites left, and they were only seasonal as well.

The next year a census was taken of the state to see who was living there.

Women 6013
Men 8063
Blacks 8548
Mexican or Hispanic 5422
Asian 103
Whites 3* (the * means that they are seasonal residents)

So, due to these demographics (which make it hard to get a girlfriend), they changed the name of this country from being the Hispanola White Ethnostate to being the Hispanola “White” Ethonostate as there were less than .02% whites living there. And there were no Notaries there either, so you had to go to Florida whenever you wanted to get notarized which was a real pain.

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July 14, 2019

Notarization in Brooklyn in 2032

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 4:20 am

As time went on, the Yiddish speaking population in Brooklyn kept speaking Yiddish, but had so many children that they became a dominant population and “force du culture” in Brooklyn. It got to the point that the Chinese and Puerto Ricans integrated a lot of Yiddish into their spoken language.

NOTARY: Yes, you had a paper to be notarized?

WING XING: Yeah, I just flew in from Shanghai to La Guardia — what a schlep. And the Drukschlep I tried to hire for my daughter was late taking her to her party. Vey Ismeer. I need this affidavit of corporate capacity notarized. Do you want I should sign it in front of you?

NOTARY: Yes please.

WING XING: My son asked me when he would be having his Bar-Mitzvah. I tried to explain to him that we’re not Jewish. He said, “What do you mean we’re not Jewish? Now you tell me!”

NOTARY: It must be confusing. But, on a brighter note, if you were Jewish, you could no longer eat Shanghainese Xiao Leng Bao.

WING XING: I know that, and you know that, but try explaining that to little Timmie. He just doesn’t understand the Talmud, or Leviticus. Kids these days!

(next appointment)

MARITZA: Mira mira mira. We’ve known each othah for almost three years. We’re practically mishpucha (family).

NOTARY: No somos mishpucha. You’re a mensch

MARITZA: Who you callin’ a mensch? (angry tone)

NOTARY: That means your a friend, but you’re not quite family yet. Let me guess. Your kid is having his Bar Mitzvah soon too right?

MARITZA: Yeah, we’re still searching around for a Rabbi who is willing to do it for us. But, you know, according to the Talmud, if you have a maternal Jewish lineage, you are Jewish even if you were raised Catholic. I just did my 23 and me blood test for MT DNA and guess what?

NOTARY: What?

MARITZA: We’re chosen! I showed that info to the Rabbi as well as the section from the Babilonian Talmud and he is still giving us a hard time. I tried to explain to him that after the inquisition, many Sephardic Jews left Spain for Puerto Rico and converted to Catholicism. We are descended from those people, but we dance much better than they do, at least in my opinion.

NOTARY: No problem, I’ll notarize your blood test and affidavit. As crazy as this sounds, you are actually making sense. But, I gotta run.

MARITZA: Why?

NOTARY: I have to notarize paperwork for Tyrone’s Bar Mitzvah before his mother has a fit.

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July 13, 2019

Notary answering machines

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 3:18 am

As a Notary, what goes on your answering machine really matters. If someone just hears a beep, they will not even know if they dialed the correct number and that would not professional if that is your designated line. So, make sure to leave your name, company name, and the fact that you are a notary and/or signing agent.

That is important also for when I call you to confirm that your info is correct. If I cannot reach you but, it says in your answering machine that you are a signing agent, then I can mark you current. Otherwise I will have to hunt you down, or in some cases with free listings I might have to remove you.

ME: Hello, this is Jeremy from 123notary, are you still doing Notary work?

NOTARY: Yes, but I just got home from a movie about global climate change.

ME: How was it? Did you have to take your sweater off because the movie got too hot?

NOTARY: No, I had to add extra layers. The movie beginning was okay, the middle was too windy, but the ending was anti-climatic.

ME: Glad you had a good time. Stay on high ground just in case the poles melt.

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July 12, 2019

Forex Investment for Notaries: Tips and Tricks

Filed under: Other Guest Bloggers — Tags: , — admin @ 9:50 pm

Forex Investment for Notaries: Tips and Tricks
Having a strong investment portfolio is more of a necessity than an option, especially when you are working fulltime as a notary. While there is a high demand for notarial services thanks to today’s market condition, it is still necessary to work towards securing a better future – and generating residual income along the way – with a strong portfolio.

One of the investment instruments you can use to strengthen your portfolio and generate more profit is forex. As one of the more robust investment instruments, forex trading offers plenty of opportunities to make money with its active, lively markets. You just have to know how to approach this investment opportunity correctly, and we have the best tips and tricks to get you started.

Do It Yourself
The best investments are the ones you manage yourself. This is because you retain complete control over how you invest your money, particularly in the forex market. It is easy to add day-trading into your daily routines. Now that forex trading platforms are available for more devices, you also have the option to trade anywhere and at any time.

Before jumping head first into the forex market, however, you need to take your time and master the basics. That brings us to our next tip, which is….

Study the Instrument
As an investment opportunity, the forex market is relatively easy to understand. You can go Long and Short – buy or sell – and make money in either direction. You just have to make sure that you are going with the market rather than against it.

Forex investment basics are easier than ever to find. You can turn to
Wall St. Nation for reviews of the best trading strategies and information about trading tips, and details about how to best manage your trading risks are also discussed thoroughly on this site.
After gathering information about the investment instrument and learning more about how to best approach the market, you can easily give forex trading a try.

Start a Demo Account
No, it is not the time to open a live trading account just yet. You want to test your understanding of the market using a demo account. Now is the best time to review some of the brokers you can engage online and compare their service offers.

With the right broker selected, download the trading software from the broker’s main website and choose Demo Account when registering. Configure your demo account to represent yourself as a trader.

If you are planning to make $2,000 in initial investments later in the future, your demo account should have $2,000 in margin as well. With this configuration, you can really test your trading strategy, measure your risk profile, and decide the right time to start trading life with more certainty.

One last tip to keep in mind: only trade with the amount of money you can afford to lose. Even after you have tested your approach and trading strategy, you still need to enter the market with extra care. Apply these tips we discussed in this article, however, and your journey into using forex as an investment instrument will be an enjoyable from the beginning.

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