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April 21, 2019

The notary who was oral retentive

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:40 am

There once was a Notary named Clyde who was so picky about how he gave his Oaths. Everything had to be worded very particularly. If there was even a word out of place, he would have to rewrite the entire script. Each job got a unique script. And he didn’t like it when the affiants were sloppy about how they answered Oath questions.

CLYDE: Do you solemnly swear that you are a citizen of these great United States of America, so help you God, with liberty and justice for all?

AFFIANT: Yeah, whatever.

CLYDE: I beg your pardon. Whatever is not an acceptable answer. I would like a clear and definitive yes.

AFFIANT: Yes…. definitively. Boy are you anal.

CLYDE: I’m only anal retentive about signatures and dates on documents. About verbal acts I’m oral retentive.

AFFIANT: I never heard that one before.

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April 20, 2019

Payment for Jail Notary Service

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:10 am

Payment for Jail Notary Service

Not all Notaries are experience at jail notarizations. It is recommended that they get an up front travel fee when they meet you. They should also charge for waiting time incrementally as well as for the notarizations. The fee for the actual notary work should be paid after the notary work is done while the other fees paid up front or during the waiting time which can be unpredictable at jails.

Additionally, it is recommended that if you are meeting a notary at a jail, you have a mobile phone and keep in contact with the Notary. It is common for clients to stand Notaries up at jails, so make sure the notary knows that you are serious about doing business and that you won’t be late.

Also, make sure all parties know where to park, and have directions going where they are going.

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April 19, 2019

Are Notaries becoming unsnapped?

Filed under: Signing Company Gossip — Tags: — admin @ 10:48 am

As time goes on, more and more Notaries are leaving Snapdocs. The fees are too low, the cattle calls too annoying. How does Snapdocs keep on keeping on while so many are becoming unsnapped and leaving them? Perhaps it is desperate beginners who keep listing because it is their only way to pay bills. I hear that.

Today I talked to Carmen about the long term of SnapDocs. Carmen thinks they will not last because too many people are complaining about them.

Personally, I know how expensive it is to have programmers on staff. An operation like Snapdocs with all the technological bells and whistles is going to cost a lot to maintain. I don’t know how much, but it is not as simple as 123notary and might be close to a million a year in technical costs. I’m not sure how much they make, but their costs are no joke.

One of the major problems SnapDocs has with their business model is that those who use them do so to get cheap Notaries. After you include SnapDocs fees, it is not so cheap. Notaries are not usually willing to work for that cheap, and with the fees, companies are not willing to pay that much more. The margins are too tight for everyone. Doing business with people on such thin margins does not seem like a good long term strategy.

Perhaps companies will become more concerned with the quality of the Notary in which case they will not be able to work with too many on SnapDocs. I don’t know the future of SnapDocs. They make thousands per month from each serious customer they have. I just wonder how much longer customers and Notaries will want to put up with this miserly way of doing business.

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April 16, 2019

Notary small talk at bars

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:48 am

FRANK: So, do you sign here often?

SAMANTHA: Actually, I just came for a Manhattan.

FRANK: Oh, shouldn’t that be called New York County in the venue?

SAMANTHA: Only if you actually drink it in Manhattan. We’re in New Jersey.

FRANK: Oh yeah. I should have known with all of this big hair. Hey, bartender, I’ll have the ink with lime … neat.

BARTENDER: Can I see some ID?

FRANK: Hey, I’m a Notary… I ID you, not the other way around.

BARTENDER: How about we ID each other. Deal?

FRANK: I can’t live without my lime. Hey, how come there’s lyme’s disease but no other citrus diseases.

SAMANTHA: Yeah! Hey I have a question. If a bad car is a lemon, what do you call a bad lemon.

BARTENDER: I call it a car. Just kidding. Would you like wedge of a bad lemon?

FRANK: I just tried the lemon sorbetto in Beverly Hills. Excellent stuff. But, they mix the lime with basil.

SAMANTHA: I bet Thai people would like that. Lime and basil are their favorite flavors. So, bartender. Do you have a signature drink? Can I notarize the signature in the drink?

BARTENDER: I’ll never work in a Notary bar again. All people do is complain about 123notary and Snapdocs, then they crack these lame jokes faster than the ice defrosting on my counter cracks.

FRANK: Well we have a lot to complain about. We’re either being low-balled, or quizzed. I’m not sure which is worse. At least the low-ballers don’t quiz us because they want to keep us dumb.

SAMANTHA: Yup, it’s the dumbing down of American Notaries. If people would just study from 123notary’s free blog courses they would be smarting up. Just what the government doesn’t want. Because then we will see through all of their veneer.

FRANK: Are you defending this testing that is going on? I know everything I need to know about Notary work.

BARTENDER: Didn’t you get a 35% on Jeremy’s test.

FRANK: Well… um.. yeah, but the test wasn’t fair. Some of his questions were opinionated. Like the one about confirming a signing. Who does he think he is to recommend that I have them read the name on their ID. I’m sure it will match up, right?

LISA: And if it doesn’t, you just wasted two hours. Looks like Jeremy is doing you a favor by having this course. You are always complaining about wasted gas and time, not to mention toner when a job cancels while you are on your way. If you don’t check the ID by phone you have nobody to blame but yourself if you can’t complete the signing.

SAMANTHA: Or worse, you might end up in Notary jail if you notarize him with improper ID. Three strikes you’re out. Don’t drop the embosser.

FRANK: That’s better than Notary hell where you have to use a burning seal.

BARTENDER: Speaking of Notary hell. I have a drink that’s based on the whole Notary hell theme. Not a bloody Mary, but a burning mary.

SAMANTHA: You better have one. Get used to where you are going in advance.

FRANK: Thanks a lot. Notary hell, my ass.

LISA: I heard they have good proctologists in Notary hell, speaking of your ass.

FRANK: At least they probably don’t have mites there because it is a dry heat. If I waste another two hours driving without getting paid, I might just break down and read Jeremy’s course even though it is arbitrary and unfair.

SAMANTHA: Well, it’s not state specific any more, not even to California. So that’s one thing to be thankful about — unless you live in California. And by the way Frank, if you keep getting hammered, you’ll have to stay at the Notary Marriott down the street. Drinking and driving is almost as bad as drinking and signing.

FRANK: Tell me about it.

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April 14, 2019

Notarize you like a hurricane: A guide to heavy metal notarizations

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 10:18 am

So, Harry wanted to get notarized. But, he was born in 1968 and wanted a little more of an “experience” that would bring back his childhood… in a good way. So, he called this outfit, and when I say outfit, yes, that includes the leather jackets, hairstyles, etc., called Hard Rock Notarizations. But, they didn’t just sent the Notary over. They sent the whole band.

HARRY: Hello, is this Hard Rock Notarizations?

SLASH: Yeah. What do you need?

HARRY: Are you the real slash?

SLASH: No man, this is just a theme thing. I wear a torn leather jacket, a bandana, have long hair, and look cool assuming you like the drugged out, don’t give a (&*#) look. But, I don’t work alone. I bring what I call my “work crew.”

HARRY: Got it. So, I have an Affidavit that I need signed.

SLASH: We have free time at 6pm. We don’t have any paying gigs until far after that, and we can’t do earlier because of our hangovers. I really gotta stop drinking. Man…

HARRY: One more thing. Can you greet me in Cockney?

SLASH: Oh yeah. We specialize in bilingual signings. We have staff that speaks English, Spanish, and we specialize in Cockney. Tassy knows how to speak that.

HARRY: Tassy? What the hell type of name is Tassy?

SLASH: He’s cool. You’ll love him.

(6 o’clock arrives. There is a loud rumble in the distance. The rumble gets louder, and then unbearably loud… and then the noise stops. The click of a kickstand rings in the air. And then footsteps. There is a knock at the door.)

TASSY: Ello, Arry (cockney accent for Hello Harry)

HARRY: Hi guys

SLASH: Ello Arry… ee does it bedda don’ee. (He does it better, don’t he.)

HARRY: Yeah, his sounds more authentic.

KEITH: So, don’t you want to know which one of us is the tattoo artist?

HARRY: I might need a touch up on this one, the color seems to have faded over the last 25 years. But, I don’t need any new ones. Oh, and thanks for not parking right on my lawn.

SLASH: Yeah, we kind of learned the hard way about that once at a party several years ago. Let’s just say the owner wasn’t pleased. But, fortunately the damage was made invisible after a subsequent rain storm. So, Harry, do you want me to lead?

HARRY: Lead what?

SLASH : Let me give you a little hint. Have you ever worked on a dairy farm before?

HARRY: Dairy farm?

SLASH: (handing him a cow bell) Then you should be very acquainted with one of these!

KEITH: Hmmm. The weather seems to be changing. (looks out the window) Oh look, we’re having the beginnings of that hurricane they were talking about on the news!

HARRY: We’re not having a hurricane. I read the weather forecast just this morning online.

TASSY: Oh yes we are. Put this on and sit over on that chair and don’t say anything. You’ll ruin it.

HARRY: A wig…I’m not a woman. And a leather jacket? Worn out boots? Cigarettes? I don’t smoke. What’s going on here?

SLASH: Boys, bring in the heavy artillery.

(The work crew brings in a huge over-sized drum set, amps, and a bunch of musical instruments, a video crew, and a whole bunch of wires that were sitting in the van outside next to the long line of cycles.)

TASSY: You (said emphatically)(pause), are now going to be the star of your own music video entitled, “Rock you like a hurricane!”

HARRY: Oh my God, really? Are we going to notarize too?

KEITH: Oh yeah, we’ll get to that. But business first.

The rock and roll band had Harry playing the cow bell, and then had him pretend to play lead guitar during part of the video, and then had him be the lead singer in another part. They had him and the other rocksters (I coined that term, sorry) do all the typical 80’s type heavy metal poses: two musicians back to back, leaning forward over the mic, leaning to all sides, walking on their knees, pretending to be walking down the stairs, etc. They also filmed Harry with hot babes to his left and the right wearing leopard outfits for eye candy effect. The music was real and shot on site. And when it was all over, they gave Harry a copy of the video for him to cherish for the rest of his life where he was the star of his own heavy metal video.

Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
My signature is burning, it starts to shout
Desire is coming, it breaks out loud

TASSY: And one more thing before we leave. Weren’t we supposed to noh’-arize (glottal stop on the sound noh’) something Arry?

HARRY: I almost forgot with all the excitement. My Affidavit. Here. Watch me sign.

TASSY: I bet you’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s a Noh’-ary seal case.

HARRY: Does it need to be that large? It’s the size of a huge rectangular guitar case, but with a little felt indentation for the notary seal.

TASSY: Ay, we’re musicians. This is ow we loik to do things ya. (This is how we like to do things). There’s room too for my thumb printa and woips. Check this out. It’s my odd Rock (hard rock) Noh’-ary Seal… ya know wuh’ I mein? (you know what I mean?) — it’s go’d play’id (gold plated).

HARRY: Wow. I’ve never seen anything like it.. Look, there’s a little solid gold guitar on the front. Okay. I need to swear under Oath. “I solemnly swear this affidavit to be the truth to the best of my knowledge so help me God.” I hope you’re in tune with me on this one.

KEITH: Nobody has ever accused him of notarizing out of tune before. That would be a terrible thing. Okay…. stamped… done!

POLICE: (knock knock) Ummm, we’ve had a complaint about excess noise in the neighborhood. You gentlemen wouldn’t happen to know anything about it?

TASSY: (thick Cockney accent) In my opinion the problem is that there wasn’t enough noise. We were just noh’arizing, officer.

POLICE: Well do you think you could notarize a little more quietly?

TASSY: Sorry about that. We ‘ave this nahsty ‘abit of loiking to noh’aroize to the sound of music. Oi think that’s where the issue arose from. By the why, while yor ‘ere, (while you’re here) our tattoo guy is still ‘ere. Do you need any old tats refreshed. ‘ee specialoizes in that. (he specializes in that)

POLICE: Actually I’m off duty in a few minutes. Oh, did you just refresh Harry’s tattoos? That looks amazing, wow. You’re so good at that it’s almost criminal!

TATTOO GUY: Thanks, I take pride in appearing to be a criminal and hyper sexualized. The irony is that I don’t actually do anything illegal. I’m talking like Miley Cirus now.

So, the band packed up, loaded up the van, there was a loud rumble as the motorcycles left, and Tattoo Guy was the last to go as he had to finish his business with the police. Then, he too rumbled away. And thus ends the story of how Harry had his fantasy heavy metal notarization — 80’s style!

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April 13, 2019

How to deal with dogs, messes, and other signing nightmares

Filed under: Business Tips — admin @ 10:47 am

As a signing agent, you have to deal with more than identification, documents and signers. You have to deal with people’s unstable mental condition, dogs, guns, kidnappers, sexual harassment, anger problems and more. So, how do you deal with all of this?

1. Messes
If you are a Notary confronted with a mess, keep in mind that there are different types of messes. Some are just a nuisance. Others are dangerous because you might trip on something. There could be insects or vermin. What’s worse, a house might have diseases or bacteria in it which could prove deadly. It is not worth risking your health. If a house is too messy for you, meet the signers at Starbucks. Do the signing with a Jurat-accino, but no drinks on the table.

2. Dogs
Dogs can be annoying or dangerous. Yet the owners see the dog jumping all over you and licking you and see you extremely upset and say, “Oh, he’s okay.” If a human touches you that is molestation, but if a dog does it, “Oh, he’s okay.” You need to give them the lecture that just because they love dogs doesn’t mean that you gave permission for their dog to jump on you or come near you. Dogs need to be behind locked doors. I remember going to a signing long time ago. I had them put the dog away. But, the door never latched. Ten minutes later the dog came out of the room and was creating havoc again. Dog owners get really mad at me for not liking their dogs. Rather than being mad at me — keep your dog quarantined! I am a cat in a human body and cats don’t like dogs.

3. Children
If children are running through the house, you can tell the signers that they need to be fully focused on the documents and the children need to be somewhere else having quiet time. It is too distracting having children buzzing around.

4. Naked people
This doesn’t happen that often, but it is possible for you to go to a signing to have a naked person walking around. Perhaps someone got out of the shower, or perhaps someone is an exhibitionist. There are also children who don’t know any better. You could ask them to put on clothing or you could just pack up and leave if it is too disconcerting.

5. Guns
We have a Notary who did a signing for the Klan. The wizard guy asked, “Is that a gun you have in that there bag?” Our Notary said yes, so as to appear normal to the wizard, although she didn’t really have a gun. It’s moments like this you feel glad or relieved to be white (or hwite as the case may be, not sure why the h comes first… must be a Southern thang.) The important thing to understand about this situation was that it is good that the wizard did not say, “What did you say about my daddy?” Then you know you are in trouble.

6. Single Men
If you are a young lady in the house of a single man who shows interest in you, just understand that men cannot get married unless they express interest in ladies. Ladies always complain about men showing interest in them. In the last several years with all of the new technology and social media, men are ignoring women more and more. It is hard to get married now. Women were better off with men interested. But, if you are in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, or you just want to take precautions, here is a list of things to do:

(a) Let your husband know where you are so he can call the police if he doesn’t hear back from you.
(b) Carry pepper spray and brass knuckles
(c) Sit at the table closest to the door in a position where you can see the door as well. You never know who will come through that door.
(d) Don’t go to a part of the house where you could become cornered.
(e) Don’t respond to the interest shown in you if any.
(f) Learn self defense at one of those schools where you learn to elbow people and stomp on their toes.

7. Kidnappers
I did a signing for a kidnapper. Or at least the people with him suggested they had been kidnapped. I don’t remember the details. This was in Monterey Park, CA. I think they were his family and didn’t want to go with him, but they had no money and no place to stay. So, what could they do? I don’t know what their real situation was. If you are notarizing people who are under duress, you might end up in court, so be careful.

8. Russian Spies
Don’t worry. We need them around to make sure Trump wins a second term. And if you ask them who they are, they always reply, “My name is Nicholai, I am Russian, I love taking walks and I play the violin.” If they ask you if you are the Notary, tell them, “I am, or at least… that is what people want me to think I am.”

9. People who resist being thumbprinted
Whether it is legal or not in your state to refuse to notarize someone who refuses to be thumb printed — it should not only be legal, but should be require to thumbprint your victims. In any case, that is a red flag if someone doesn’t want to be thumb printed. It means they might be shady or up to something. But, there is nothing you can do if the law in your state doesn’t protect you.

10. Hurricanes
If you are going to a signing in bad weather, consider that you might get stuck there. Do you want to spend eight hours with complete strangers and their signatures? On the other hand, if you get a signing and it starts raining ice, you need to think twice about whether or not you will get there at all. You might get fired if you cancel a job, but you might be saving your life as well.

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April 12, 2019

Jail Notarization Issues

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:05 am

For those of you who need a Notary to visit an inmate at a jail, penitentiary, detention center or correctional facility, there are many issues at hand. I will try to explain those issues in an organized way in this informational article.

.

Identification for Prison Notarizations – http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22139
Lockdowns and inmate considerations – http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22142
Payment for Mobile Notary Service – http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22145
Personal Appearance of Signer – http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22148
Power of Attorney Documents – http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22151

.

We also have other articles about jail signings.

Find a notary who can notarize an inmate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21349

Notarization done at a jail rejected by police
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17484

7 steps for jail notarizations
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8634

Notarizing an arsonist at a jail
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=650

.

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April 11, 2019

The lady who studied 30 hours for her elite test

Filed under: Certification & Communication Skills — admin @ 10:46 am

I am very honored and pleased to announce that there was a very zealous lady in California who claimed that she loved my materials on Notary Public 101. She studied an hour or two per night for close to a month for my elite test. This lady aced my test and I was so surprised and pleased. I am so tired of people with bad attitudes, it is refreshing to see people who have an excellent attitude. I wish more people could have better attitudes towards learning.

Our new elite test is by phone and it is hard as hell. There are so many different sections of the test ranging from notary, documents, situations and advanced materials too. There is a lot to learn, and some of it is hard. Typically and ironically, Notaries have the hardest time passing questions about Notary acts, because so few of them know the rules for any Notary act.

Being elite certified raises your click average by 60% on your listing based on numbers I crunched in 2018. This is a huge boost in clicks and a huge boost in jobs not to mention that people get paid more who are elite certified. If you want to get ahead, spending a lot of time studying will pay off in the long run, and even in the short run. I wish I had more ladies like this one who studied so hard. It makes me feel good when people respect me, my materials and high standards. It makes our industry great (but not great again).

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April 10, 2019

Lock downs and Prison Notarizations

Filed under: Hospital & Jail Signings — admin @ 10:09 am

Lock downs and Prison Notarizations

It is common for jails to have lock downs. If you are meeting a Notary Public at a jail and there is a lock down, it is possible that your appointment will be cancelled. It is also possible that you will be held against your will in the building as long as the lock down lasts.

If you are going to be part of a jail notarization, there are several things you need to know.

1. Is the jail under lock down? You might call before you go. Lock downs can happen at the last minute, but if you call ahead of time, that decreases your chance of having a ruined appointment.

2. The prisoner may have been moved to another cell, cell block, or jail entirely. That will ruin your notary appointment as well.

3. The prisoner may not be willing to sign a particular document. If you go all the way to a jail only to find that the signer refuses to sign, you just wasted your time and so did the notary.

4. Waiting for guards. If you go to a jail, each jail has a different procedure for letting visitors in. Most allow Notaries in, however, the notary may be asked to stamp a blank piece of paper so that the jail has a record of the notary seal. Others who wish to visit in a jail might be allowed if they are going to be a credible witness, but explaining that to the jail staff might require a little skill, and it may or may not be allowed. So, check in advance. Step one is to get let in the jail and to know what area of the jail to go to. It is normal for the guards to search Notaries carefully, so be ready for that. Next, you have to ask for a guard to come. Once the guard comes, they can bring the correct prisoner in front of you in the area with the glass partitions. You will need the guard to pass the journal back and forth through the glass and inspect the pens and whatever else you send over.

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April 9, 2019

He lost his 123notary certification and calls from Title dropped to nothing overnigh

Filed under: Certification & Communication Skills — admin @ 10:02 am

I just talked to a Notary who is on our directory. He was certified, but failed his re-certification test. I had to ask him to study some more before I could recertify him. He said that the minute I took his certification away that calls from Title companies dropped to nothing right away. He was receiving four calls per week from title and then …. nothing…

When I talk to title companies the standard line is that they don’t care about certification. Their mouth says no, but their clicks say yes. The fact is that who they hire is based on a lot of things, and those criteria depend on the individual title agent. But, many people do value our certification especially now that we cleaned it up.

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