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December 14, 2019

Notaries and the City

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:38 pm

Four single girls are out on the town looking for Notaries to date.

KARRIE: It’s just not easy to find the right Notary in this city. Where are all the good Notaries?

CHARLOTTE: I can’t find any Notary in this city.

SAMANTHA: You didn’t even look. You should try 123notary.com

MIRANDA: Yeah, but are the Notaries on that site cute?

KARRIE: After I broke up with Mr. Big, I felt so stranded. I never met anyone else who measured up.

CHARLOTTE: Well, how well did he measure?

SAMANTHA: Oh please. Hey look! A Notary is coming out of that bar.

KARRIE: How do you know he is a Notary?

MIRANDA: He has a shirt with his commission number on it, that’s how she knows, right?

SAMANTHA: Aren’t you supposed to notarize sober?

CHARLOTTE: You’re one to talk. Haven’t you been with every notary in town yet?

SAMANTHA: Only the ones that were authenticated and had a good venue.

MIRANDA: And were well sealed, right? Hint hing?

SAMANTHA: Oh, and if they had a nice instrument.

KARRIE: An instrument is a document. They notarize documents, they don’t have documents.

SAMANTHA: That’s not the type of instrument we were talking about. Hey, Mr. Notary, over here!

NOTARY: Hi, ladies. I just finished a signing and wanted to get a drink.

SAMANTHA: Can you sign my breasts Mr. Notary?

NOTARY: Umm, I can’t do that if I’m sober.

KARRIE: I’ll drink to that. But, why don’t we just say that you aren’t sober?

NOTARY: I’m not. I just has two pints. I’ll do anything now.

SAMANTHA: Anything?

NOTARY: Just about. I might even get a tattoo of my notary seal on some special part of my body.

KARRIE: How about signing, sealing and delivering us?

MIRANDA: Would the tattoo be done using Notary ink?

NOTARY: I never thought about that? I’ll have to ask. That would make it more authentic.

CHARLOTTE: Can you introduce us to your notary friends?

NOTARY: I am a notary, I have no friends. Only signing companies who pay late.

MIRANDA: At least they pay you. I’m out of work right now. And out of a boyfriend too.

NOTARY: Looks like I will have to satisfy you all. How would you like to be part of my harem.

CHARLOTTE: Well you know what they say, two’s company, three’s a
crowd, but five’s a harem.

NOTARY: Well why don’t we all go to my house? And if you want any other Notaries, use 123notary.com, and use the cute filter.

MIRANDA: Cool.

You might also like:

Compilation of posts about notary dating & romance
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17451

How to effectively pick up notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22580

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December 13, 2019

Notary Circus

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — Tags: , — admin @ 8:37 pm

Welcome to the Notary Circus!

In ring 1 we have John Quincy, Notary Public. He will be doing a juggling act with not two, not three, but five Notary seals, and embossers. Oh wait, he is throwing two of the seals to his partner Vicky who is not standing on her head while juggling.

Meanwhile in ring 2, we have ten clowns getting into a small car presumably to go to a signing. Oh no, they can’t fit in. The signing will have to be delayed. I hope the borrower will not lose their loan. What a bunch of clowns.’

But, wait, an elephant is entering the scene with smiling Notary riding on top. But, where will this elephant end up? Oh, it is going to the signing and leaving the clowns behind. Personally, I don’t think clowns should do this type of legal support work — it is just too critical. Wait — a little house is being wheeled in with borrowers inside. The elephant is stopping, the notary is dismounting the elephant and is notarizing with a huge oversized notary seal.

The notary finishes the signing, takes a bow. Wait — now, a clown is approaching him with something behind his back — what could it be? Oh! The clown has a pie and throws the pie into the Notary’s face. I bet that clown works for a non-paying signing company, or at least desires to have the same effect on the Notary.

Now, in the back, a notary and signer are walking the tight rope. The notary will do the signing suspended in mid-air. Wish him luck. Fortunately there is a net to save him. We call the net E&O insurance for circus Notaries.

What about the notary freak show? Oh, not a Notary — a signer who doesn’t look at all like his oversized ID. It doesn’t even look like the same person. Here is another notary freak who goes to the signing drunk in shoes that are triple the size they are supposed to be. Oh look, a 9 food tall bearded lady incredible credible witness. I have seen it all folks. That’s all for today.

You might also like:

Notary Fortune Cookie
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22305

In appropriate things you could do at a signing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22562

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December 12, 2019

Regular Teenagers vs. Notary Teenagers

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:33 am

Normal teenagers get in trouble for swearing! Notary teenagers administer sworn Oaths.

Normal teenagers break out; Notary teenagers only have to break out if they get arrested.

Normal teenagers have to worry about getting a girl pregnant; Notary teenagers put a layer of latex on their notary seal for protection.

Normal teenagers drive too fast. Notary teenagers have good laser printers so they are never late to signings and therefore don’t need to drive fast.

Normal teenagers succumb to the power of hormones. Notary teenagers succumb to power of attorney (and medical directives)

Normal teenagers do homework; Notary teenagers read the 123notary blog to learn more about their trade.

Normal teenagers are embarrassed to be seen with their parents; Notary teenagers are parents, they are developmentally stunted and still function emotionally as teenagers.

Normal teenagers learn musical instruments; Notaries are still trying to figure out how to make clanking noises with their metal embossers.

Normal teenagers get upset when their teacher makes them redo their homework; Notary teenagers get mad when they have to redo a signing.

Normal teenagers study French; Notary teenagers study Latin words like “scilicet” and “locus sigilli.”

Normal teenagers get normal tattoos and piercings; Notary teenagers get a tattoo of their favorite clients’ signature on their rear end.

You might also like:

More on bad boy notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22560

A bar only for cool notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22546

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December 11, 2019

A Star Notary Is Born

Filed under: Andy Cowan — admin @ 8:34 am

There have now been four, count them, four “A Star is Born” movies. Janet Gaynor…Judy Garland…Barbra Streisand… and of course, Lady Gaga. Which can only mean one thing… it’s time for another Star is Born movie. A Star Notary Is Born!

BRAD
(the veteran notary with a drinking problem)
Leave it to me to provide for a secure signature on an electronic document, one that proves the signature belongs to you.”

ELLEN
(up and coming notary)
Could that be called a “Digital Signature?”

BRAD
Say! You’re right. That was mighty fast. You might just have the talent to be a professional notary!

ELLEN
Do you really think so?

BRAD
I know so.

BRAD, SHAKES AND ALL, TRIPS AND FALLS.

ELLEN
Are you all right?

BRAD
Yes, I’m all right! Why, do you think I’m not all right? You think you’re better than I am?

ELLEN
(crying)
No, I swear I didn’t mean that!

ELLEN SWEARS UNDER OATH THAT SHE DIDN’T MEAN THAT. BRAD, RECOGNIZING EVEN MORE ELLEN’S TRUE CALLING, TELLS HER SHE’S A STAR. BRAD ENTERS REHAB. ELLEN ENTERS A HOME FOR HER FIRST SIGNING

THE END

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A notary goes to a motivational event but has a hearing problem
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22548

Notary high school 80’s style
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22399

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December 10, 2019

Notary Networking Event

Filed under: Virtual Comedy Themes — admin @ 8:31 am

Welcome to our networking event! We have people from all professions including Notaries!

ATTORNEY: Hi, I’m James. I am an Attorney. I am looking for new clients. I specialize in litigation for dog bites. Do your neighbors have dogs?

PLUMBER: My neighbor has a Chihuahua. I’m not too worried. I probably won’t be your client unless I go to Alaska. I heard people get bitten a lot by dogs there. In one year in Anchorage there were 600 dog bites, and only one bear bite, but people are afraid of bears.

ATTORNEY: That will cause your water pressure to rise.

NOTARY: I know, tell me about it. I am a Notary. I notarize documents. If you are an Attorney and don’t want to notarize for your client due to conflict of interest or lack of interest, or lack of time, or because you just frankly don’t want to — call me. I’m mobile and I do it all.

PLUMBER: I need an affidavit of water damage. I need to fix some pipes for someone because there was some damage. Do you do that?

NOTARY: Sure. How about an exchange. I’ll notarize a document for you and you can fix my toilet?

PLUMBER: Sounds like a crappy deal, crappy just like how I imagine the pipes in the toilet considering how much you crapped in it.

NOTARY: You’re right. How about two Affidavits?

REAL ESTATE AGENT: Oh, we need someone to fix the pipes in a building we are selling. And we need a Grant Deed Notarized. I came to the right networking event.

NOTARY: Aren’t we supposed to have wine & cheese?

HOST: Oh, it’s coming. We got it from a guy we networked with.

PLUMBER: Hey Notary, why don’t you ask the host if he needs his wine notarized?

NOTARY: Wine not! But, the table is a little low, so try not to pull a plumber when you lean over.

PLUMBER: Don’t worry, I just went on a diet and my pants actually fit me now.

NOTARY: Oh, do you need your pants notarized?

HOST: Okay — enjoy folks!

You might also like:

Notarizing a “won’t” (it’s like an unwedding)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22378

I’m not that kind of notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22319

He took Jeremy’s advice and got new title companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22277

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December 9, 2019

Notary TV Network

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:30 am

Welcome to NTVN — the network for Notaries.

We have notary comedy, notary drama, notary classes, tutorials,
stories and more. I know, sounds a bit like the 123notary notary blog,
but this is television. Below is our broadcasting schedule:

8am: Affidavits done your way with host Randy David

9am: Notary housewives gone wild

10am: General Notary Hospital

11am: Notary acts explained — we go over Acknowledgments, Jurats,
Oaths and Affirmations. Raise your right hand!

12pm: Notaries without underwear

1pm: How to confirm a signing without missing any bases

2pm: How to spin your embosser with spinning with the stars

3pm: How Jeremy started his signing business and other Notary stories

4pm: Dealing with issues regarding FedEx and shipping.

5pm: Social media tips for Notaries

6pm: Notarios sin barreras

7pm: Dealing with Chinese characters in signatures

8pm: The Notary Bar – a sitcom about Notaries where everyone knows your name.

9pm: Sponsored programming.

You might also like:

Notary Ed – similar to driver ed
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19132

Affiant – a new social media site for notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

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December 8, 2019

Notary Commencement Speech

Filed under: Andy Cowan — admin @ 8:13 am

Notary Commencement Speech

Greetings, Notary Class of 2019. Today marks the first day of your journey into adulthood. And driving to signings where a signer’s dog treats your leg like a lover.

Take pride in what you’ve accomplished to get to this moment. Not the parents “bribing- us-to-take-you-in” part. The certified copy of your diploma awaits you. I, as the Custodian of the Document, will be presenting the document, although I may or may not be the document signer or party named in the document. At Notary College, we don’t mess around. The University President who signed your diplomas wasn’t coerced into signing them. In that case, it was a free act and deed. Although with the student debt you’ll be paying off for the next thirty years, it was anything but “free.”

As you go through life, remember to always give back. Unless we’re talking about chewed on pens. Those you can keep. And we’re not about to give back the fifty grand you still owe us. So chew on that.

The only thing greater than the power of higher education is Power of Attorney. Or the Principal, the person who signs the power of attorney to allow the attorney-in-fact to have certain powers to act on behalf of the principal. Or the power of flipping off drivers who cut you off on the way to a signing. Or power naps. They’re incredibly powerful as the dozens of you who dozed when I started speaking would attest to if you weren’t busy snoring right now.

In closing, never let your interest in documents expire. Never let your commission expire. And take your years of college protest and turn them into an actual “protest”: a formal declaration made by a notary declaring a default in payment on a promissory note. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my speech has been boring enough for me to join you in that power nap!

You might also like:

A dream about Michelle Obama’s inspirational speech
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20028

I have a dream – notary version
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19207

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December 7, 2019

Social Media Site for Notaries – JuratBook

Filed under: Social Media — admin @ 7:39 am

Welcome to JuratBook, a social media site for Notaries. Notaries typically use this to complain about slow paying signing companies, and boast about how good their 123notary listing is doing.

With JuratBook, you can post an unlimited amount of special notary emoji’s on your posts. The surprised emoji would be if you got paid on time. The sad emoji would be if there were too many fax backs. A heart emoji would be because you love Jeremy and Carmen. A thumbs up (or thumb prints up) would be if you either liked a particular signing company, or if you thumb printed someone.

You can take selfies of you and your customers and post them. You can talk about what you do when you are not notarizing.

The problem with JuratBook is that it makes people more competitive about how popular they are. It makes you think your life isn’t as full as all these other people with lots of postings who celebrate life every day.

Unlike Facebook, you can use hateful speech on JuratBook. It has to be allowed, because Notaries are so frustrated by not getting paid on time. JuratBook believes in freedom of speech.

The algorithm used for JuratBook helps promote posts more about the social aspects of being a Notary rather than dull work related posts.

What constitutes JuratBook friendship? Do you have to notarize each other? Or have each other’s thumb print? The rules keep changing as the owner Sam Zuckerberg — Mark’s lesser known and less successful brother.

JuratBook — your social media venue!

You might also like:

Affiant – a social media site for notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6410

Yes, it’s the Notary dating show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

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December 6, 2019

1st Notary in Space

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 7:04 am

In honor of the anniversary of the 50th moon landing. NASA finally decided to send a Notary into space. They decided that Notaries had been underrepresented in space travel for too long, and something needed to change. However, the Notaries had conditions. Underneath where the American flag is on the shuttle, they wanted a flag of a fictional Notary country that they were going to set up in outer space.

The space ship was set to go to the moon in honor of Apollo 11 and Neil Armstrong. The passengers on the spaceship included three professional astronauts, one of which was a lesbian transgender black lactose intolerant Puerto Rican woman, and two white males, and a Notary. But, the flight had to be delayed because the lady was transitioning into being Cuban, or at least self-identifying as being Cuban, but not Mark Cuban, although she was living as a man (whatever
that means.) When asked if she wanted a Cuban cigar she said, “Sorry, I don’t self-identify as a communist.” Then she was asked, “Does living as a man mean that you will support a wife and kids?” to which she/he replied, “No, it means I’ll be leaving them!”

Then there was another issue, because the Notary wanted to bring his embosser, seal, journal and acknowledgment / jurat pads just in case he could notarize moon creatures on the dark side of the moon. He also studied up on his Chinese since he heard there were Chinese people landing there regularly that U.S. news suppressed for unknown reasons. The scientists controlling the flight complained that all of the Notary equipment was weighing down the craft and would cost another three million in fuel costs. But, the government decided it would be worth it so that moon creatures could sign the Notary journal.

So, finally the spacecraft took off. It took longer than expected because they were listening to Frank Sinatra’s song “Fly me to the moon.” A few days later they landed. The Notary complained that he had jet lag. The crew said, “You’re crazy, it’s not called jet lag, it’s called rocket lag, dummy!” The crew was expecting to see Sun Myung Moon but was disappointed to learn that he was Korean, and not Chinese, and therefore would probably not be on the moon despite his name.

NOTARY: If I pull down my pants here, and stick my rear end towards you, would that be mooning you or earthing you considering our location?

CREW: We’ll have to call Houston to resolve that issue. And in that case, Houston will agree that there is a problem.

HOUSTON: Yes, Notary, the correct terminology at your coordinates would indeed be earthing someone.

CREW: What on earth?

HOUSTON: Reminder — you are NOT on earth, and if you pull your pants down, you will lose the oxygen in your suit and die, so please refrain from earthing anyone.

NOTARY: I just want to jump for joy, but I’m afraid I might end up thirty feet in the air. Did the Chinese bring moon cakes here?

CHUNG: Welcome to the dark side of the moon, would you like to try a moon cake?

NOTARY: Actually, I’d prefer an earth cake.

CHUNG: Is that for here or to go?

NOTARY: We could either eat it here or in the ship. Does that come with a fortune cookie?

CHUNG: Yeah. The fortune is that you will weigh 17% of what you normally weigh.

CREW: Hey, the sum of the parts of crater than the sum of the hole.

NOTARY: Hmm, but what if you have a crater within a crater?

CHUNG: You mean like at crater and barrel?

NOTARY: And if you have sex on the moon, you would be getting your moon rocks off.

CHUNG: We are prudes and don’t do that here. Besides, we don’t have oxygen to waste on unnecessary things.

NOTARY: Well anyway — That’s one small stamp for a Notary; One huge stamp for mankind.

CREW: Well said. Now let’s take photos and post them on Instagram. Can you do a selfie with me? What’s that thing behind me?

CHUNG: Oh, he’s an underground moon creature. He won’t hurt you. But, he might want part of the fortune cookie!

You might also like:

In space – nobody can hear you sign
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18920

A Notary sees a UFO
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19929

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December 5, 2019

The 50th Notary High School Reunion

Filed under: Andy Cowan — admin @ 6:09 am

The 50th Notary High School Reunion

What could be more exciting than attending the biggest notary high school reunion of them all, the big 5-0? A chance to feel great that the cool kids grew up to be old and dumpy. And the geeks grew up to be old and dumpy. It’s the 50th. You were expecting “svelte?”

Jill: Hi?? … (noticing Jack’s notary high school picture nametag): Ohhhhh… Jack! Sorry for your loss.

Jack: Yeah, I went bald in notary college. You still look hot.

Jill: Thanks!

Jack: As in hot flash.

Jill: Menopause happened back in my fifties, so I’ll take that as a compliment. Are you still performing Notarial Acts?

Jack: I still witness signatures. The ones my kids make trying to sign me into a home.

Jill: At 68, they’re trying to put you in a nursing home? That’s not very nice.

Jack: I’m joking. I retired last year. Made a killing.

Jill: That’s great. How did you do it?

Jack: I was a notary specialist. My clients were all octopuses. Eight arms. Eight signatures.

Jill: That adds up. Remember our teachers in Notary Junior High? Mr. Guther?

Jack: How could I forget? He suspended me for embossing my private parts.

Jill: Oh yeah! You were a wild kid.

Jack: But I got an A in shop class for making the stamping device.

Jill: You affixed it to a tangible record, all right.

Jack: Weren’t you a cheerleader back then?

Jill: I sure was. I still remember our chant. “Give me an A, give me an F, give me an F, give me an I, give me a D, give me an A, give me a V, give me an I, give me a T, what’s that spell?

Jack: Affidavit?

Jill: I don’t know. I was a great cheerleader but a lousy speller.

You might also like:

Testing Carmen on a bridge in 2003
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21264

Notaries over 50
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21262

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