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July 25, 2014

In SC all you need to get married is a notary

Poor Sandra really wanted to be married. She read a lot of blogs and learned that all she needed to get married was a South Carolina Notary Public. So, she visited 123notary and looked up some notaries. She read through the notes sections carefully to find notaries who could marry her. Finally she found someone.

Charleston Notary & Wedding Service — get married with us!
This outfit sounded better than Weddings 4less, the nearest competitor.

So, Sandra called them up, and asked about their services.
Sandra: “Can you marry me?”
Vickie: “You mean, will I marry you?”
Sandra: “Either way, I need to get married. Let’s get it over with.”
Vickie: “I just emailed you a picture of me.”
Sandra: “Oh, I’m so disappointed. You are the wrong gender!”
Vickie: “It doesn’t matter. It is only a wedding!”
Sandra: “No, it is just that I can’t marry a woman, and if I did, I would choose someone a little younger and more graceful looking.”
Vickie: “Oh no, I’m not going to marry YOU, I’m going to MARRY you to a guy. You have a guy, right?”
Sandra: “It’s okay, I can’t marry you anyway, because my fiance Chuck would be disappointed, not to mention immasculated. His true love running off with ANOTHER WOMAN. Shocking!”
Vickie: “Well, we don’t want to immasculate anyone, especially not on such short notice. How’s 5pm Thursday. I can meet you on the East side of town in the area where there is that huge lawn and the pretty buildings from the 1800′s. ”
Sandra: “Sounds like a deal. I do.. I mean I will be there. By the way, do you accept credit cards?”

Tweets:
(1) If ulive in SC, all you need to get married is a Notary. Just make sure the notary is right right age & gender though or u’ll b disappointed
(2) I need a notary to perform a wedding for me. But, do I get a refund if the marriage doesn’t work out?

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Can a notary perform a wedding or marriage?
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July 24, 2014

Notary runs his business out of his car

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: — admin @ 8:40 pm

This particular NYC Notary Public, Shahid Pervez was found offering notary services out of his car which he parked on the Upper East Side of New York City. He offered services to those near the Indian and Pakistani consulates.

This Notary drove two hours a day from his suburban home in Fairfield, CT to get to his lucky corner in the city on Madison & 64th Street and offer NYC Notary Services.

For those of you who are considering having a mobile office, this guy brings new meaning to the concept of mobile offices. He plugged a copy machine into his cigarette lighter and offered curbside copying services. Just for the record, notaries should invest in a high power inverter, high power battery, and have equipment that won’t drain your fragile car of its energy resources. Notaries are advised to get a truck if they want a mobile office due to the enhanced power resources that a truck might have.

Shahid’s advantage is that people in his area are confused and in a huge hurry. They need something emailed, copied, or notarized now and there is no time to wait. The time efficiency of his service is so amazing that he is saving people thousands in lost labor per day by being fast, and being where they need him to be.

Mr. Pervez even has a flyer in the consulate advertising his services: “Notary Copies Green Car 64th Street and Madison Avenue.” He charged $1 for copies, and $2 to $100 to notarize forms. By the way, legally, you can only charge $2 per signature in New York.

Translation is no problem for Shahid who is fluent in five languages including: English, Hindi, Arabic, Persian, and Urdu with a smathering of French, Spanish, and Italian as well.

Shahid makes between $40 and $500 per day and averages about $50,000 per year. It might not be big money, but it keeps him off the streets — so to speak.

Unfortunately, although it is possible to get a vendor license, working from your car is never allowed. Personally, I think that he should open up a Newspaper booth type spot and sell soft drinks, chai, samosas, newspapers, notary services, copies, and more. That should bring in about $100,000 per year in net revenues, don’t you think?

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July 23, 2014

The signing at Big Bend!

Filed under: General Stories — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:12 am

The call came in. It was a guy in Mexico who needed a stamp from a Texas Notary Public. But, he couldn’t get his feet on Texas soil, and the Texas Notary couldn’t notarize on the other side of the border. So, what to do? After talking with his hiking buddies, this Texas Notary Public who we will call Tex got an idea. The online information about Big Bend National Park says that the river route is a canoe excursion that is popular with many. You are allowed to dock on the Mexico side of the river to repack your stuff, but you cannot leave the boat and walk around.

This is the one part of the United States where you can cross the border unofficially without breaking the law. Now, if the Mexicanos who peddle goods want to cross over to sell something to you, they can get in big trouble with the immigration folks.

So, this notary had an idea. He had seen picks of the Thailand floating market where business is done on small boats. He was going to meet this Mexican gentleman on a canoe. Both of them would have a canoe, and their transaction would be done on the river.

A floating notarization!

So, Tex drove down to his vacation with his notary bag and camping gear. He liked to sing, “This is a song about a boy named Mary.” It’s a cowboy song from the good old days. His father wanted him to grow up tough, or not at all. In West Texas, probably not at all, but that is a separate discussion.

Octavio was on his boat and met Texas at the appointed bend in the river. Octavio had a waterproof jacket for the documents too. A prepared camper. Tex handed Octavio the journal to his boat and said, “Don’t drop it in the river or I’ll be mad!” All went well. Tex stamped the document, handed it to Octavio, and they both went on to enjoy their camping, hiking, boating weekend out in Big Bend National Park.

The End.

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July 22, 2014

What is iClose? Is it like uVerse?

What is iClose?
is a web-based closing system offered by a settlement services provider. With iClose, the borrower appears before a Notary Public (inp person) to sign a hard copy of a limited power of attorney (LPOA). The LPOA allows a representative of the title company or lender to sign the borrower’s mortgage documents (I don’t like the way this is sounding). Typically, the borrower will then log onto the online iClose system to review and approve the loan documents using an e-signature (electronic signature.) The title company or lender representative signs all paper documents in the closing package, including the Deed of Trust (Mortgage), and a title company or lender Notary notarizes the signature of the representative.

Why use iClose?
In my opinion, this sounds like a very unorthodox way to sign loans. It sounds complicated, not really that fishy, but convoluted. Wouldn’t it be easier to just sign your own loan? That way your name and thumbprint will appear in the Notary Journal if there is ever an investigation. The chance of something negative happening is small, but on a half million dollar loan don’t you think that doing it in a straight way makes more sense?

To sum it up, I think I like uVerse better than iClose, although I’ve never seen either.

Tweet:
(1) iClose is a web-based closing system where a representative signs for you after you sign an LPOA.

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12 points on e-Notarizations
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=228

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July 21, 2014

He pawned his used notary seal at the pawn shop

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — admin @ 9:23 am

Of course it is illegal to let anyone else even hold your notary seal. That is why the idea of a notary pawn shop is so hillarious!

Notary: “I’d like to pawn my embosser.”
Clerk: “Oh, that’s great, we have a lot of customers interested in embossers these days, what’s it made out of?”
Notary: “Genuine stainless steel.”
Clerk: “We prefer the gold plated ones, but that will do.”
Notary: “So, what can you offer me for it?”
Clerk: “$20 cash.”
Notary: “Oh well, I need the money so I can pay my cable TV bill. The signing companies are behind on paying me.”
Clerk: “Hmmm, maybe they should visit me as well. Do they have embossers too?”
Notary: “I don’t think they need one, they get us to do all of their dirty work.”
Clerk: “Shame. ”
Notary: “So, who are you going to sell it to?”
Clerk: “I know a guy name Vince. He can get a fake ID from China and pretend to be you and notarize stuff.”
Notary: “Great.”
Clerk: “You don’t mind being investigated by the FBI from time to time, right?”
Notary: “Hmmm, I never thought about that.”
Clerk: “Oh well, too late, the notary seal belongs to me now.”
Notary: “Wait a second…”
Clerk: “It’s too late, if you call the FBI now, you’re as guilty as I am. You committed a felony by selling your notary seal to me.”
Notary: “Felony? But, I needed the money!”
Clerk: “Too late buddy, you should have read your state notary manual. They are cutting the education budget this week. You can thank God that at least you know how to read even though you choose not to.”
Notary: “Good point… Uh, is there any chance I can buy back my notary seal?”
Clerk: “Sure. I’m a business man. $100 even will do it.”
Notary: “$100?”
Clerk: “It’s better than being investigated by the FBI and going to jail. But, on the other hand, then you’ll get your cable TV for free!”
Notary: “Hmmm… 3 hots, a shower, and free cable.”
Clerk: “Just one thing.”
Notary: “Uh-huh?”
Clerk: “Don’t drop the soap.”

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July 20, 2014

The Seinfeld Episode About a Notary

Filed under: Guest Bloggers,Humor — Tags: , — admin @ 7:15 am

George’s parents (of all people, parents who constantly bicker with one another) are renewing their vows. George wants a notary to witness their vows in writing…

The Seinfeld Episode About a Notary aka Sign-Feld

GEORGE: Get this. My parents are renewing their vows.

JERRY: Frank and Estelle? (off George’s nod) The vows to argue with each other till death do they part?

GEORGE: What makes you think death’ll stop them? You think the Grim Reaper’s grim now?
Wait’ll he meets the “ungrateful dead”.

JERRY: Renewing their vows. It’s kinda sweet actually.

GEORGE: Remember that notary Kramer hired to authenticate the picture of Jesus on a piece of toast?

JERRY: The guy who swore it was Johnny Depp.

GEORGE: I still say it was Colin Farrell. I need Kramer to throw me his name. I may hire him.

JERRY: Looked more like Uncle Sam to me.

GEORGE: No way was that Uncle Sam.

JERRY: So why are you hiring a guy who worships Johnny Depp? Wouldn’t it make more sense if you were Johnny Depp?

GEORGE: I want him to authenticate the vows. If he can corroborate…

JERRY: Attest?

GEORGE: That’s right. If he can affirm the vows to be genuine, maybe then the loony birds will have to live by them for a change!

JERRY: Unless their vows are to continue not living by them.

Kramer enters.

KRAMER: Guess who’s the new errors and insurance salesman? You’re lookin’ at him!

JERRY: What makes you an errors and insurance expert? Although I admit your expertise when it comes to ensuring you make errors is second to none.

KRAMER: Remember that notary I hired?

JERRY: The one who saw Johnny Depp in a piece of toast?

KRAMER: It was Jesus, Jerry! Anybody with half a brain could tell you that!

JERRY: You’re right, you just did.

GEORGE: What was his name, Kramer? I need to hire a notary.

JERRY: Why do you want to hire a notary who doesn’t know Jesus from Johnny Depp?

GEORGE: Or Colin Farrell! He got it wrong. Maybe he’s cheaper.

KRAMER: (offering) Here’s his business card. Come on, George. Don’t you think Colin Farrell has better things to do than pop up on a piece of toast?

GEORGE: Jesus doesn’t??

KRAMER: Jesus works in mysterious ways.

GEORGE: Do does Farrell. He doesn’t even do talk shows.

KRAMER: Jesus doesn’t even do Charlie Rose!

JERRY: Will you two knock it off?

KRAMER: I’m suing the guy for affirming it was Depp over Jesus. And now I can also sell him an errors and insurance policy that’ll absorb his liabilities for an honest mistake.

JERRY: If it was an honest mistake, isn’t suing him a little dishonest?

KRAMER: I’m Cosmos, not Jesus.

GEORGE: What kind of liabilities?

KRAMER: The difference between the cost of a certifiable Johnny Depp piece of toast on eBay versus a certifiable Jesus piece of toast on eBay. You do the math!

Elaine enters, munching on a piece of toast.

ELAINE: That’s it. I am done. He’s gettin’ a Dear John text.

JERRY: Who?

ELAINE: The teeth picker.

JERRY: Can’t you at least give him some floss first?

ELAINE: Floss. Toothpicks. Sucking between my teeth. The guy can’t take a hint.

GEORGE: Are you officially breaking up with the teeth picker?

ELAINE: The man is (displaying the last of what she’s munching on) toast.

KRAMER: (Eyeing toast) Is that who I think it is?

JERRY: Here we go.

GEORGE: If he’s so bad at picking up on hints and you want him to get the message you’re dumping him, don’t text him. Write him a Dear John letter on paper that a notary witnesses. So he can corroborate it.

ELAINE: Attest?

GEORGE: Yes! Affirm to be correct, true or genuine.

ELAINE: Since when are you the notary expert?

GEORGE: When I was a kid, I had a dream about being a notary. Other kids were dreaming about naked women. I was dreaming about squeezing embossers. Your own seal. Administering oaths. It’s a very respectable line of work when you think about it.

JERRY: So why didn’t you ever take it up?

GEORGE: Since when am I respectable?

TO BE CONTINUED…

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July 20, 2014

I need a notary, but I want to be a notary too?

Well, I thought I had heard it all. I guess not…..

A 123notary call comes in, I answer and on the other end is a very sweet lady inquiring about our loan signing courses. I ask her if she is a notary and she tells me that she is not. I find out her state of residence and proceed to look up the information on how to become a notary public in her state. I let her know that this is a prerequisite to becoming a signing agent. I spend several minutes with her explaining the ins and outs of the business.

As the conversation is coming to a close she says that she is ‘really looking for a notary’ Now, I am a little confused, I share this sentiment with her. She goes on to tell me that she had tried calling some of our notaries here at 123notary in her area because she has several documents that needed notarizing. She tells me that the notaries are so expensive and are way out of her budget so she gets the idea that if she became a notary that would solve the expense problem. And I ask how would that be possible because in most states it costs money to become a notary. She is unaware of this as well..she continues on and proceeds to tell me that she had felt that if she became a notary she would be able to save allot of money because she would just notarize her own documents. Oh no!!! I tell her that is is BIG no no! I explain to her that you can’t notarize your own signature. You still have to have another notary take care of any notarizations that you would need. She was quiet for what seems like an eternity when she sighs and says, “Its going to be money spent any way you look at it” I tell her, “yep, you got it”.

Before I could tell her potential for income…she thanked me for my time and then hung up…..

I got a chuckle out of it! You can’t fault her from trying.

Until next time…be safe!
Carmen

Tweets:
(1) Are you looking for a notary or do you want to BE a notary?
(2) She would become a notary to save money by notarizing her own documents. Smart!

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July 19, 2014

The Notary in Wine County paired a Merlot w/a Home Equity Loan

Filed under: Humor — Tags: , — admin @ 2:05 am

We have notaries in different regions of the country. The culture is a little different in different places. The South is a little more friendly and old fashioned. New York is more rushed. California’s wine country offers a refreshing wine & cheese culture that is not shared that much with other parts of the county.

We joked about the LAX vineyards new blend. It is a blend between a Cab, Merlot, and a Shuttle.
We joked about Ireland’s wine documentary Cork, uncorked.
Then, I learned that in Napa you can go to a Tannin salon. You don’t get tan there, you sample wines with high tannin content.

But, then we got down to business. I was asking about what types of loans the notary had signed. She specialized in Home Equity Loans. By the way, those are up because home prices are rising which creates more equity in the homes. In any case, she said she wanted to pair a 30 year Merlot with a 30 year Home Equity Loan. I mentioned that at the end of 30 years, the wine would have gained more equity than the home.

I think you have all read my article about drinking and signing. It is not recommended unless you are Bartender Notary.

On a brighter note, these loans are so long term these days. 30 year loans. Do you stop to think of what the world will be like in 30 years if it even exists at all? Nobody will know who Michael Jackson is except in old age homes. Justin Beiber will probably be walking with a cane by then and having health problems. I remember how old people talked when I was a kid. They talked like old people. Old people these days talk like aging hippies. We are living in a different age. All I have to say is, if you mortgage your wine cellar, the wines might be older than the Mortgage!

Tweets: Notary in wine country pairs a Merlot w/a Home Equity Loan. Guess which of the 2 gained equity?

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Signing under the influence
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July 18, 2014

Keeping Notary Expenses Down

Filed under: Ken's Blog — Tags: — admin @ 3:04 am

Keeping Notary Expenses Down
I am a member of Staples Rewards. They frequently mail me discount coupons. They come two at a time, plastic, similar to credit cards. Some offers are good, some are great, the most recent one I received was magnificent. The first coupon was $30 off on a purchase of 60$ or more. It had to be used as an internet transaction. A look at the Staples site showed a CASE of Legal paper, good stuff; on sale for $67. As a Staples rewards member, home delivery is free; even to my walk up 2 flights of stairs apartment. A case of Legal is more than I can manage, so the “inside delivery” aspect sounded great. I ordered on their web site and used the $30 off coupon. Thus, the case of legal delivered to my doorstep cost me $37, with tax $43. That is for ten reams, or 5000 pages of legal. Generally I paid over ten dollars per ream before I wised up.

That was a good start. Then I looked at the other coupon. It offered me $10 off with any purchase of over $10. Mighty good, but it can get better! The second coupon was for in store purchase only. So I bought 2 packs of letter at 8$ each, 16$ minus $10 equals $6, or $3 per ream of letter. But, there is more. Letter offered a rebate of $4 per ream. They call it their “easy rebate” and it really was. Back on their web site I entered codes from the register tape and now Staples will be sending me a check for $8. Hmmmm, I paid at the store $6, and they are sending me a check for $8, thus they are paying me $2 per ream of letter to take the stuff out of the store!

Years ago I dumped my powerful (really overpowered) 6 cylinder Toyota for a 4 cylinder Honda Civic. The former was a gourmet and would only consume Premium fuel, the latter is happy with the Regular kind. Of course the Civic gets about half again the MPG compared to the Toyota. The smaller car is easier to park and has all the pep (due to a sophisticated transmission) that I need. I feed the Civic at the local Hess station that does not charge extra for using a credit card. My card is Discover, which slowly adds “points” that can be redeemed for either cash or some good deals on merchandise. When we accumulate $45 in redemption value; I use the $45 credit to purchase a $50 gift card that is redeemable at Outback Steakhouse. $50 is more than we can eat at one sitting. So the “leftovers” from ordering some large steaks go home for subsequent meals. Another great one is Boston Market, the discount coupons from them border on free food.

The above, and many other opportunities, are out there if you take the time to look. Most of the time you do need to “register” and give your email address. Yes, you do get a bit more junk mail; but in them there hills there be some gold. Most of us probably stop at either Dunkin or Starbucks once in a while. Having their “credit card” gives automatic discounts and freebies; you just have to apply. Take care to “fund” these and others with American Express; who will be “on your side” if there is fraud. AX is really good at supporting and defending members.

Cell service providers are truly fierce competitors. There are frequent offers to pay off your existing contract if you sign up with a new company. My T-Mobile plan, for two phones, both with unlimited voice, data (internet access) and text is quite cheap. More so, because I have “corporate discounts” from Notary Rotary and one other “membership” – the name of which I can’t remember; but the discount continues despite my failing memory.

Like “The Truth is Out There”, so are great offers and discounts; you just have to look for them.

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July 17, 2014

Two and a half notaries!

Filed under: Humor — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 4:44 am

This is a story about a happy notary in Malibu named Charlie. He lived with his brother Sam and his brother’s son Kevin.

Charlie: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kevin: A Notary of course — ANYTHING BUT!
Charlie: Don’t knock until you try it
Kevin: All you guys do is stamp your dumb stamp on dumb documents.
Charlie: True, but it has its perks. That’s how I met Monica!
Kevin: Good point! Charlie notarizes Monica — Ooooh!

Sam: Hey, wait a second, I was dating Monica. I REFERRED her to you!
Charlie: Correct — you WERE dating Monica. And by the time we finished the Oath verbiage, she had forgotten all about you, so help you God!
Sam: Hey, that’s not fair, I’m never referring another of my friends to you ever again.
Charlie: Relax, it was all over within days. I gave her a 3-day right to rescind our relationship, and then I didn’t call her back.
Sam: That is JUST like you.

Kevin: Hey, what’s the difference between a Notarization, and a Notarization experience?
Charlie: Oh, about $1500

Maid: Keep your ink off the counters. By the way, I’m taking three days off this week. Tell Monica I said hi.
Sam: What? I thought you said it was over?
Charlie: I never said it wasn’t. For me it’s over. For her I don’t know. By the way, who is that person who keeps calling and then keeps hanging up?
Maid: I had the number traced. It seems to be coming from Topanga. Isn’t that where Monica was from?
Charlie: Oh brother.

(ring ring)
Maid: Hey Charlie, it’s for you. It’s a customer. Natalia. She sounds nice, you better take it.
Charlie: Hey Natalia. Are you up for another notarization with Vodka?
Natalia: Am I ever. Bring your notary stamp and your notary bond with you darling.
Charlie: I’ll be right over. Oh, but this time, let’s have the vodka AFTER the signing.
Natalia: Anything you like, just as long as — you — are there!
Charlie: I figure if we can remember to do the signing first, then after we have the vodka it won’t matter what we remember, because we won’t remember!
Natalia: 8 — sharp. don’t be late!

Tweets:
(1) 2 & a half notaries: What’s the difference between a notarization and a notarization experience?
(2) 2 & a half notaries: Find out what happens when Charlie notarizes Natalia and then have vodka afterwards!

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