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October 31, 2014

Signing with a former Airline Captain

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:18 am

NOTARY: Hi, my name is Captain Ronnie, and I’ll be your notary signing agent today. I’m experienced in the airline industry and will make sure your loan lands safely.

BORROWER: I’m more concerned that my loan gets off the ground at this point. By the way, love the captain’s hat.

NOTARY: Well, don’t worry. We’ll begin boarding procedures momentarily. They’ll make an announcement. I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been earlier, but, I was standing for five minutes in the parking area waiting for a shuttle. Then it dawned on me that there are no shuttles servicing your driveway with direct service to the check in area. Silly me!

BORROWER: That’s okay. Which way is the gate? We’re in the hallway now, so should I go into the living room or the dining room?

NOTARY: I think the living room better be the gate, because the dining room will be the plane.

BORROWER: I think I better go out for a cigarette before the captain turns on the no smoking sign.

NOTARY: Good point. I didn’t think of that.

BORROWER: I was instructed to show my identification and boarding pass when boarding the dining room table, and that the names on both must match. Is that true?

NOTARY: Yes, let me see that? I’ll record that information in my journal. Okay, now please remove all metal objects from your pockets and let me scan you.

BORROWER: What about my pen that says Chase Financial?

NOTARY: You are allowed to use that pen, but I’m not allowed to bring a pen with the name of the bank. By the way, I can’t let you into the dining room until you explain what that huge chunk of metal is in your head.

BORROWER: Oh, I had an accident as a kid, and the rest is history.

NOTARY: Got it!

(5 minutes later)

BORROWER: I’m back and all nicotined up — ready for take off. I hope I don’t get jet lag after this signing.

NOTARY: I wouldn’t worry too much about that unless you’re going to a different time zone. But anyway, first let’s get our luggage in the overhead compartment.

BORROWER: This is my dining room. There are no overhead compartments and I have no luggage.

NOTARY: That makes it all the easier.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has turned on the seat belt sign. Please return to your seat and put on your seat belt.

NOTARY: The emergency exits are (making hand gestures) to the rear of the plane and also to the front. In the event of an emergency, calmly walk to whichever exit is nearest to you. If those exits are blocked, please move immediately to the closest window and jump out. Please bring one of the safety cushions below your seat to break your fall.

BORROWER: There are no safety cushions!

NOTARY: Feel under your chair.

BORROWER: Oh my god! There really are safety cushions. You might as well put a barf bag in the folder to my right, just to be true to your profession!

NOTARY: I brought my own safety devices. See this? It is a self-inflating notary seal. Great for crash landings as well as no-signs! Ooops…

(the self inflating seal popped and inflated itself as fast as an airbag.

BORROWER: Wow, that’s huge. I haven’t seen anything inflate so fast since I visited my neighbor’s teenage son’s bedroom and he showed me his… never mind.

NOTARY: I brought you one too. Yours is an oversized rubber ducky. You can ride if we have an emergency water landing. The experts say we are due for a tsunami sometime in the next few years, so it never hurts to be prepared. But, let’s not accidentally inflate yours too. They are so hard to fold back up.

BORROWER: Gee — thanks. Not exactly what I was expecting, but it is the thought that counts.

NOTARY: Now, we’re ready for take off.

BORROWER: Are you like that comedian who did a take off on take offs?

NOTARY: That was funny. I never thought of that.

BORROWER: This is hillarious… ha ha ha ha ha

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has turned off the no laughing sign. You are free to laugh around the cabin.

BORROWER: You are too much.

NOTARY: You think I am too much, wait until you see your APR. It is up in the stratosphere.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has announced that we have successfully taken off. Please grab your pens and commence by looking over the Deed of Trust.

BORROWER: I think I need to use the bathroom. I hope there isn’t a line!

NOTARY: If there is, just use the bathroom towards the cockpit. It’s usually empty.

BORROWER: Okay, I’m looking at the Deed. It has my address correct, the lender information is correct, and the loan amount is correct. I feel like I am on stable ground.

NOTARY: Well, we’re in the air now, but glad you feel stable. I need you to initial each page on the small line in the corner, and sign at the end.

BORROWER: If I don’t like my rate, I’m going to make a paper airplane out of my Note, what do you say?

NOTARY: I think that is a bad idea, as Notes are not up to FAA standards.

BORROWER: I never thought of that.

NOTARY: Now, you’re beginning to sound like me. Now, let’s look at the Truth in Lending

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has announced that there will be turbulent weather ahead. Please firmly attach your seat belt and finish your drinks.

BORROWER: No offence, but how come you didn’t offer me a choice of root beer or Pepsi and those airplane peanuts.

NOTARY: Oh I do, I usually wait until we have been in flight for about twenty-five minutes.

BORROWER: Okay, the TIL is not that bad. Why is my APR higher than my rate?

NOTARY: That is because of FAA regulations which require APR’s to fly at a higher altitude unless it is a loan that doesn’t include fees.

BORROWER: I never heard it explained that way, but I must say that I like your explanation.

ANNOUNCEMENT: We will be serving drinks and refreshments in a moment. Please adjust your seat to an upright position.

BORROWER: Okay, now it is time for peanuts, right?

NOTARY: We offer a snack pack for five dollars. Due to tight profit margins in the airline industry, we can no longer afford to give free peanuts.

BORROWER: No free peanuts? What kind of a Notarial airline is this?

NOTARY: Just kidding! Here are some peanuts, and pretzels. I brought some lemons and sugar too for fresh lemonade!

BORROWER: You are the best.

NOTARY: And don’t forget not to spill your drink on the loan documents! Keep it on a separate tray or chair as a safety precaution.

BORROWER: I would if the guy in front of me would put his seat in its upright position. BTW, Is that FAA mandated?

ANNOUNCEMENT: We will be landing in twenty minutes. Please finish your loan signing by the appointed time as the captain has another appointment immediately after landing.

BORROWER: Well, I don’t like to be rushed, but I do have a three day right to cancel if I find any issues with the loan after we are done.

NOTARY: Correct, and your borrower copies are in the overhead cabinet or under your seat.

BORROWER: Got it. Above the safety flotation device. Okay, the other documents seem pretty straight forward.

(10 minutes later)

BORROWER: Okay… I’m done signing.

NOTARY: Just sign my journal here, here and here. I’ll put the journal on your tray once you get the remains of your peanuts off.

BORROWER: Okay, here we go. (bump) Ooops. There was some sudden turbulence, and my signature went off the page.

NOTARY: That’s okay. It’s my journal. Just sign again above it. The county clerk only looks at your recorded documents, not at my journal.

BORROWER: Got it. Okay, done…

NOTARY: I need a thumbprint for the recorded documents as well.

BORROWER: I’m all thumbs. Here we go.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The captain has announced that we will be landing in one minute. Please return your seats to their upright position and keep your seat belts on. Please refrain from visiting the bathroom at this time. In the event of a crash landing, please lean forward.

BORROWER: Okay, thanks for the signing. Can I go home now?

NOTARY: You are home. We’ve landed at First American International Airport, and I have to go to my next gig. Enjoy the rest of your lemonade!

BORROWER: Thanks!

.

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Airline meals verses Notary Oath & Affirmations
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November 9, 2013

Notary Jokes

Filed under: Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: , — admin @ 8:24 am

Notary Jokes & Notary humor

There is nothing funny about being a notary. The long hours, the crabby customers, the ever-changing notary laws that you are required to keep up with. How can any one possibly write a blog entry about notary jokes? So, I’ll try my best.

(1) A notary goes to a signing. The signer (who is a borrower) signs a stack of loan documents. The next day the signer cancels the loan and immediately goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father for I have rescinded”.

(2) A notary goes to a signing. The borrower’s lender was crooked and paid extra to get an inflated statement of the home’s value. When the borrower found out how much his house was worth he said, “Appraise the Lord”.

(3) 3 Notaries walk in to a bar. The first thing that happens is that the bartender asks for ID. Notary #1 says, “Wait a second… I’m a notary… I ID YOU… YOU don’t ID me.” Then the bar tender says, “Listen buddy, if you want a drink, I need to know you are of age”. Notary #1 said, “No problem, I can produce ID, but I can also swear under oath, and the other
notary sitting next to me can take the oath for me.”

See more at: 3 Notaries walk into a bar. http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3660

(4) A Notary Signing Agent goes to a restaurant. He has dinner. Then the waiter brings the check. The notary asks, “When is my first payment due?” The waiter answered, “In 5 minutes, the term of your loan is 45 minutes — with no accrued interest. The final payment is due tonight as well.” Then the notary needed to get validated. “Can I stamp my parking ticket myself? I’m a notary, that is kind of my thing…”

See more at My date with Jeremy http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

(5) I start the signing by jumping on the table. I never refuse a drink of water or milk either. I never pre-word acknowledgment forms before a signing, because I insist on starting from scratch. 2 years on a swat team and pawprinting service available upon request.

See more at : Meao notary service: http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4147

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October 15, 2013

Notary quotes of the day

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:12 am

(1) “Can you do the 3rd signing for free?” That would be a good signature for an email to notaries.

(2) “An e-notary does more or less what a regular notary does. The e-notary has an electronic journal and electronic notary seal and notarizes electronic documents. Some might even have an electronic girlfriend, too!” Sept 20, 2012 blog, 123notary

(3) “We are getting to the point in society where we have to google everyone before we transact ANY kind of dealings with them.” Sept 19, 2012 blog, 123notary

(4) “There was one house that was so filthy that I had to leave, and I then reported it to the board of health. The woman who owned the home was actually a supervisor at the board of health!” Sept 16, 2012 blog, 123notary

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January 26, 2013

The war between men and women notaries

Filed under: Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: , , , — admin @ 9:01 am

When the 1940’s New Yorker artist and writer James Thurber came up with the idea of “The War Between Men and Women,” he wasn’t thinking of notaries. He was simply thinking of the way things are…sometimes. Well, let’s face it: the ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ idea isn’t new. Men and women are complementary…not always complimentary. So it should come as no surprise that notaries–male and female–appear to have slightly different ways of doing the job. The war between men and women continues…right in our own backyard.

http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/12/0812/0803art/welcome1.jpg Here is an original Thurber drawing that shows you Thurber’s idea of the war between men and women. When the man comes home, his wife’s role or tendency to dominate is grossly exaggerated: the whole house has become the woman. She has taken over, and is seen as a bully. As one joke goes (obviously created by a man who felt unfairly treated by women), “If a man is alone in the forest and he says something–and there is no woman to hear it–is he still wrong?” People (borrowers?) often see spouses as adversaries, and sometimes seem to have a dread of the opposite sex. Male borrowers or clients may feel more comfortable hiring a man…and the wife–if she is the one in charge–may want to hire a woman. Are men and women notaries competing for work? Do clients have a preference?

Eighty percent of the male notaries we talk to generally seem to be all about business. They don’t tend to go to signings on dirt roads at night…perhaps because they are not feeling as pressured to take on any and all assignments at the beginning to get paid. They find ways to get the borrowers to read the documents and understand them, but they don’t go overboard. They know how to make people feel comfortable, but they are not inclined to chat or stay longer than they have to. Yet they are great at figuring out and explaining the logistics and numbers so that title companies and borrowers and clients are served. Male notaries have less patience for signings that go on and on, and they run a tight ship. Still, they know a good deal or a bad deal when they see one, and are able to persuade clients when to call a loan officer or attorney. The male notaries don’t always see the value of reviews at first…but when they start getting reviews, they are unstoppable and no woman can compete with them. They get lots of work, lots of praise, and they close. That remaining 20%, though, already seem to have all the good qualities noted above, plus the compassion and patience and good humor of the women who are notaries. It’s a bird, it’s a plane–it’s Super Notary! Ladies, beware!

Of the hundreds of female notaries we’ve talked with, on the other hand, almost all have this amazing sense about people. They listen. They repair situations that are falling apart. Women who are notaries make friends easily. The paradox is they may not always make good choices at first about where to go for work or where to meet clients, and they don’t always stand firm and get people to sign; in a difficult situation, female notaries often leave. But women who are notaries get people to relax, feel good, and spend extra time (“time wasted,” grumbles one ferociously successful male notary) helping borrowers or clients, driving them places, or listening to their problems. For the most part, they are the opposite of the domineering image of a woman Thurber portrays in the cartoon above! People like their style and their compassion, and although female notaries seem to spend more time doing their jobs, the satisfaction, praise, and reviews they get in return keep them going…and going…and going. They, too, are good at numbers and details, and at explaining documents. As one male notary told me today, “Female notaries sometimes have trouble because there are some men [borrowers] who like to intimidate women. Period.” Yet although they know when to leave, the women often prefer to stay and make friends. “If you want a sympathetic notary, hire a woman,” one young male notary told us. “I am a contract closer, not a hair stylist who will embody compassion and discuss your most intimate secrets,” he quips. “Well,” says one successful woman who is a notary with agencies in several states, “they say, If you want it done, ask a man; if you want it done right, ask a woman.”

Which notary should I hire? Compassion is important to me; if both sexes displayed this trait, there would be no war between men and woman…and no war in general. But compassion is not what counts most in the notary business. The female notary who is organized and has mastered the journal and the no-nonsense “time is money” approach does well as a notary, and never fears going into any situation because, besides her can of pepper spray and years of experience and praise, she brings the confidence that she is the equal of any man, and any client. It also helps that this Super Notary (Woman) or Notary Woman is impeccably dressed, always on time, always patient yet never loses control of the situation and the time–and is trained in every kind of document and exception to every rule. She is not masculine in any way, and is, in fact, often so gorgeous or personable that she frequently gets asked out by the single males she does notary work for…and even sometimes by the married ones. However, Super Notary (Man) is also a force to be reckoned with, a mix of upbeat kind remarks, punctuality, courtesy, humor, and an ability to explain and present documents concisely in just the right way, firmly, and in record time. He knows when someone is being cheated, and knows how to steer that borrower to discover it for him-or-herself. Super Notary is strong yet laid back, personable but never unprofessional or suggestive…and everyone feels he really cares and would defend their interests to the death…because he’s “a good guy at heart,” the Christopher Reeve of the notary world. Aw gee.

It seems the best notaries I’ve met on 123notary are those who exhibit the traits traditionally associated with both men and women. So how to decide? I have two in mind (you know who you are!) Which notary should I hire?

Which one would be most likely to assist me if anything went wrong? The notary with the best manner…or the best journal? I need to hire a notary. I’ve narrowed it down to two. Given a choice between two notaries I have in mind, one male and one female–I am totally baffled about which to choose. They both answer their phones, are sensible and savvy, have certifications and wonderful reviews, and solid lives that show that they themselves are financially sound and exemplify good decision-making. Which notary should I hire?

The one with the most experience who can also give the clearest and kindest explanation…no matter how long it takes…without pushing me or rushing me or getting angry.

No woman could be quite as fearsome as the woman pictured in the Thurber drawing above (I hope), or any man as dull or spineless as that tiny husband. But any pleasant, upbeat, reasonably competent male or female notary would easily win out over these–well–cartoon characters…because real people are compassionate as well as accurate and on-time, funny as well as serious, strong in some ways and weak in others…and all flawed in their own inimitable ways. Which notary should I hire? If it’s an important loan I really am not sure about, I want nothing less that the best in the business, and that has to be decided on the basis of references and quality and concrete evidence. After all, that’s how notaries get paid.

So tonight, I’m going to flip a coin.

.

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October 1, 2012

3 Notaries walk into a bar

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Twitter 2012,Popular Overall 2012 — Tags: , , — admin @ 7:33 am

3 notaries walk in to a bar. The first thing that happens is that the bartender asks for ID.

Notary #1 says, “Wait a second… I’m a notary… I ID YOU… YOU don’t ID me.”

Then the bar tender says, “Listen buddy, if you want a drink, I need to know you are of age”.

Notary #1 said, “No problem, I can produce ID, but I can also swear under oath, and the other notary sitting next to me can take the oath for me.”

Notary #2 — Raise your right hand

Do you solemnly swear that you are above 21 years of age and of sound mind and body?

Notary #1 — Sound body I’m not so sure about, but my mind is pretty sharp, and I’m 63… at least last time I checked I was.

Notary #2 He’s 63… do you really need to ID him?
Bartender — thats what I said last time I saw a notary and he asked for identification. I said, I’m 63, I don’t need to be carded, now STAMP THIS FORM!! damn it!

Notary # 3 retorted — well, notary #1 didn’t need to be carded because he looks old. But, you Mr. bartender don’t look a day over 18 which is probably why the notary needed to card you!

Bartender — that has nothing to do with it… he carded me because I ordered an affidavit with a MIXED notarial wording: 2 parts acknowledgment with an oath and a touch of mint (no olives).

Tweets:
(1) 3 notaries walk into a bar & the bar tender asks for ID. But, the notary wants to ID the bartender!
(2) Do you solemnly swear that you are above 21 years of age and of sound mind and body?
(3) You don’t need to ID him because he looks old, but you look about 18 Mr. Bartender, so we should ID you!

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August 19, 2011

Excerpts from Great Notes Sections

Filed under: Humorous Posts,Reviews,Your Notes Section — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 6:43 am

If you do my job, you will see hundreds and thousands of notes sections written by notaries.  Most are very dull and clunky sounding, but a few notaries have really out done themselves and written very classy and entertaining notes.  I have been meaining to write this for months, but there were so many other things to do!
 
Here is one I made up, but never published.
I am a notary public in Egg Harbor, NJ — and I moved here from Broome County, NY.  If my town ever gets hit by a hurricane, we’ll have to change the name to Omelette Harbor.  And Broome county will get swept off the map!
 
Here is one from a North Carolina Notary
I am a native New Yorker with Southern Charm.   When your closing is crucial, you can count on me to be there on time and conduct the signing just as you would, if you could.    (The notary who wrote this really is very patient and charming in real life. I have spoken with him on several occassions)
 
Here is an entertaining excerpt from a California notary
I have personally witnessed more than 4,500 “kitchen table” loan signings. My satisfied clients include individual borrowers, title companies, escrow companies, and nationwide notary signing services. You can rest assured that I have the know-how to seamlessly handle your important documents as well as your borrowers key questions professionally.
 
Here is one I pieced together
I am taking a sabbatical for the rest of the year.  Give me a call next year please! I’ll be available in October — just mark your calendar.

Here is a really professional sounding one from a California notary
Nine years as a notary and 25 years experience in mortgage banking as an Underwriter and Manager.  I am on the approved Notary list of several major Title companies, including First American and the Fidelity Family. Always on time and professional.
 
Here is an Illinois notary who doesn’t mess around
I have twelve years experience as an Illinois notary and signer doing refi’s, reverse, HELOC’s etc. Fees vary per job requirements, $65 to $250. Terms: Net 30 days, $25 late fee after 60 days, $50 collection fee after 90 days.
 
Very Impressive
I do Apostille Processing and I am a Fingerprinting expert, and a Notary / Certified Signing Agent. All of my work is 100% guaranteed – ReDo or Refund – Your Choice. A+ BBB rating. I offer twenty-four hour emergency service. My home is in Manhattan and can usually arrive within the hour. I’m Elite certified by 123notary.com and have E&O Insurance. My web site has genuinely useful information about Notary work, Apostille Processing, Embassy / Consular Legalization and Fingerprinting. I invite you to become one of my Key Clients.
 
Here is part of one from a Los Angeles Notary
For ten years I have served Los Angeles County notarizing: commercial and residential loans, reverse mortgages, first and second mortgages, refinances, helocs, medical records, foreign adoptions, power of attorney, and so on. Apostille, authentication and certification services are also available.
 
This one is a seasoned professional
Fidelity National Title & First American Approved Notary. Background Clearance updated annually. THE best of the best Notary Loan Signing Agents on the Central Coast of California for your client’s requirements, delivering professional, reliable, error free service to your valuable clients that guarantees an accurately signed loan, every time. Co-author “How to Become a Wildly Successful Loan Signing Agent”. * twenty-four hours seven days a week personal service. * Esigning certified; Emailed documents accepted for same day signing! Have laptop/aircard, will travel to your client. * Professional fully trained Signing Agent qualified in all types of loan closings, residential, commercial and reverse mortgage products. * Loan packages can be accepted in all formats. * Highly Competitive Rates. * Top Drawer Concierge Service! 25 years experience, trained to provide a white-glove service unsurpassed by any other mobile notary! I am a proud member of the California Mobile NSA Network!
 
Please also visit
 
Find a notary public in California 

Find a notary in Illinois

Paralysis Notary Service: Notary companies with funny names

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May 1, 2011

The signing from hell

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Carmen Towles,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular Overall 2011,Posts With Many Comments — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:44 am

The Signing from hell….

I have been a notary signing agent for many years now and for the most part I have enjoyed it tremendously. I love the freedom and independence that it affords me and I enjoy meeting wonderful new people from all walks of life. As with most jobs there are good and bad days. This is the tale of one of those bad days. Probably the worst day as a signing agent ever-for me that is.

The story begins

Get ready for a hell of a story. Here we go.  I got a call late on a Friday afternoon from one of my title company schedulers (Fidelity National Title)  for a job on the following day, a Saturday. I gladly accepted. I received the confirmation and then proceeded to call the borrower to verify time and place. Saturday came and I made my way over to the borrower’s home. When I drove up to the borrowers home the first thing I noticed was the house was VERY run down, and I couldn’t help wondering to myself if the bank knew what they were doing in granting a loan for this property but who am I to judge.

Going up the stairs…

So I parked and then proceeded up the stairs to the house  and could see and feel that the whole house was crooked, like on slant. It was obvious It had once been a single family house that somebody who obviously didn’t have a contractors license had chopped it up and made some what I call make  shift apartments out of it. And you could actually see the termites crawling on various pieces of exposed wood.  But again it is not my place to judge. So I went to what looked like the only real front door (as there were several) and knocked. I heard what I thought was an animal with paws approaching the door.

The Signer and his long clicking toe nails!

But to my surprise  it was a young man. But not just an ordinary man but a  man with the longest toe nails I have every seen (that is what I heard coming to the door the clicking of his toe nails hitting the floor as he walked). He was also the filthiest person that I have seen as well who living in a house  and not on the streets. He was wearing dirty boxers and a dirty torn tee shirt.  Then to top it off there was a smell that I cannot to this day describe. While I stood motionless in disbelief and shock, I heard a sweet woman’s voice saying ‘is that her, is that the lady…tell her to come on up…please come on up’…and I cannot tell you why but I went into the door way and accened up a dark stairway and I heard what I assumed was the young man that opened the door who now was behind me start turning about 4-5 locks one by one and as they clicked and locked behind me and I became terrified..truthfully I thought I was going to see my maker that day but I kept on climbing the stairs and the further I ascended up the stairs the stench got worse.

The air was so thick… I could have cut it with a knife…

I could hardly breath. There was absolutely no ventilation. The air was so thick I could have cut it with a knife. And I thought to myself I must have lost my mind. To this day I still cant explain why I didnt just turn around when the front door first opened and just leave. When I reached the the top of the stairs it was very dark and as my eyes started to adjust there was more horror. Dishes and trash pilled everywhere  and there were two extremely dirty mattresses one on the floor which the young man who had let me in proceeded to ly down on and cover himself up with a dirty blanket and the other which was sitting up on a mattress frame  was the lady who I presumed had called out to m. She was sitting on the edge of the mattress with two swollen legs that resembled tree trunks with clearly to me looked like flesh eating disease. There was an abundance of open sores and I’ll just leave it at that. She then says to me that they had just painted the floor and I was to sit in that area…I said excuse me….and she then pointed to a 10 foot corner that had a coach that clearly had been freshly painted…I thought to myself I must be in the twlight zone or on one of those candid camera tv shows….

The signing begins..

I sat down and asked for the documents (they had been overnighted to the borrower; it was one of those WAMU deals, and I guess it it obvious now why they went out of business…lol) and the signers ID. She looked puzzled but asked the young man to get up and look for the requested items….he reluctantly got up and looked for a few minutes but to me it didnt seem that he was really looking or knew what he was looking  for. He was wandering around aimlessly and then told the lady that he could not find them. She accepted this and all I’ll say is that I was so grateful that the ID and and loan docs couldn’t  be found…I immediately got up let them know I had to go for I had another appointment and if the missing items came up  please call so we could re-schedule another appointment (yes, I lied) and then with the young man in front leading me out I proceedded to the stairway and headed down the steps.

No ID? No problem, let’s reschedule.. time to go!!!!

Thankfully he had the  unlocked those locks and he  was opening the door when I reached the foot of the steps. I thanked him and bolted through the door gasping for air as I went. I really didnt realize how much I was  shaken up until I reached my car. I fumbled for the key, opened the drivers door, sat behind the drivers seat and began trembling. I could still smell that dreadful smell. Dear god, I had brought it with me. Before I could compose myself, in a state is horror, I once again heard those clicks of those toe nails and looked up to see the young man at my passenger side car door excitingly letting me know that he had found the loan doc’sI could hear him saying “Oh Miss, Oh miss I got what you need” and me being the quick thinker I am, I asked him had he found the ID as well. He  looking disappointed said oh no…and walked back to his house.  All I could do was just sit there and try to regain my composure. Soon after however I felt sick to my stomach and I opened the door leaned my head down towards the street concrete and everything that had been in my stomach come up….After about 15 minutes I started the car up and went home.  I opened my front door and stripped down and left it all outside. Clothes, briefcase and all. I took a long hot shower and washed the clothes I had been wearing. After this I immediately sat down and sent Fidelity a very long recap of all of these events and told them NOT to send a request that I go back…ever. When Monday came I got a an apology via email from Fidelity and that was the end of it. I never heard one thing about it ever again. Shortly after however, I did  receive my full fee of 150.00. Of this I was thankful.

I was polite through the whole ordeal!

In closing, there is one thing I want to add. Although I was very uncomfortable with the whole situation. The borrower and who I presumed was her son, never new for one minute that I had issues with any of what I  described here. I was cheerful, kind and professional throughout all of it.

Until next time…

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March 17, 2011

If the world ends, do I get a refund?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:10 am

If the world comes to an end, do I get a refund?

 I was joking with a client by email tonight.  She asked when her renewal date was for her notary public listing.  I said its 5-01-2012 which is almost eight  months before the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar.  She asked if she would get a refund if the world ended prematurely.  I said, that if the world ends, we will be living in the same situation that Northeast Japan is in — or worse!  There would be no mail, no banks, no mail trucks, no email, and we would have to rely on mental telepathy. That means that there would be no way to get the refund check to you, and no money, and no banks — just debree.  What I said to the out of state client was, “Look on the bright side, maybe the rest of the world will be destroyed, but Los Angeles will be fine!”
 
The Mayan calendar
Personally, I believe strongly in astrology. I live with an astrologer, have heard a lot about Vedic astrology and how detailed it is, and have read several books about Mayan astrology. I even took a course in Chinese four pillars astrology for date selection. Each system is remarkably different, yet they are all reliable enough to use regularly.   So, if the world is going to end, I better hurry up and do whatever I want to do, right?
 
Exact dates?
My astrologer housemate insists that far away planets and constellations don’t have an effect necessarily on the exact date when they are charted to be in a particular position.  So, I believe the same applies to Dec 23rd, 2012.  I believe that the 2012 disasters have been warming up for decades and will apex in 2012 or 2013.    The 2005 tsunamis were an appetizer, the Japan 2011 disaster tsunami is part of the warm up too  The Pakistan and China earthquakes, New Orleans, and 911 are part of the scenario too.  The problem is that the real disasters won’t come for another one to four years.  Solar flares will come that disrupt, or eliminate cell phone communications.  Megatsunamis and 9.0 earthquakes all over the place.  Rising sea levels from the melting of the Ross ice shelf means no more Louisiana, Bangladesh, Tokyo, Netherlands or Florida.  Cities on low ground will be wiped off the face of the earth from rising seal levels.  Japanese cities are mostly below 20 feet in elevation.  No more Toyotas for us!!! Wars and rumors of wars are supposed to happen too.  Scientists, the Bible, and psychics are agreeing on a lot of what the scenario is supposed to be.  Prayer is the only reliable way to safeguard yourself.  Only god can save you and your notary public business — even if you don’t believe in god! 

 
It doesn’t seem to hit at the same place at the right time.
 One month we have an earthquake in one place, then Haiti has an earthquake, then there is a hurricane in another place, an earthquake in one country, and a revolution in another, a future earthquake in San Francisco, and so on and so on.  The damage will not come all at one date or in one place. So, far the world has had many disasters, but our notary public work and notary businesses are still in business!  The  world economy is still in business.  911 effected things more from the reaction that Americans had to the catastrophe, but the reaction made it 100 times worse. People didn’t want to fly anymore and many airlines went out of business and lots tons of cash for more than a year.

So, what is realistic?
Who knows.  I am not able to predict anything, but nothing surprises me either. If you are a signing agent, the problem is that the global and national economies effect you.  If China stops lending America money, then interest rates will go up and nobody will afford to buy properties.  Then notary public signing agents will be in big trouble.  But, what if wealthy Chinese people start coming to California and Oregon to buy up properties.  Then the price goes up so high that we can’t afford a house, but notaries will have work at least.  If there is a disaster and Florida goes under water due to global warming, many of them will go to Georgia and Texas, and the prices of real estate will go up in those other places which means more jobs for notaries.
 
What if things are fine where you are… but..
If you are sitting in Arizona and things are fine, but Los Angeles is hit with a 9.1 and New York City gets obliterated by a tsunami, then wall street will no longer exist and the whole nationwide lending market might actually have to shut down for a long time.
 
What do I suggest?
Save your money and keep 100 gallons of water, first aid equipment, and storable emergency food at home.  Have a crank radio, and boots too, because you might have to walk over power lines.  Keep the water rotated, so its always fresh, and put a few drops of bleach in it.  Keep cash hidden, and have money in the bank just in case.  You have no idea what could hit us, and for how long our cities, country, or world could be out of commission.
 
On a brighter side
Sorry, no notary public listings refunds if the end of the world comes before your renewal date. But, you might get to meet some cute green people from spaceships who come to rescue us.  And Jesus is scheduled to arrive on planet earth sometime soon according to revelation.  You might not be around to see him, but think how happy the others will be.
 
Think positively.
Don’t pay any attention to what I have written if you are in the notary pubic / notary business.

Don’t worry… be happy!

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February 14, 2011

7 Famous quotes from our blogs

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 7:54 am

(1) “Unless you are dead, you can still respond to an email.”

(2) “Maybe that is just how things are done in those parts — people just come into your house and make themselves comfortable. People in Los Angeles don’t do that as a general rule.” Sept 23 2012 blog

(3) “It was a very normal signing except for the bizarre mishap.” Sept 23 2012

(4) “It was a classic case of being at the wrong house because your GPS was wrong! This is why I never trust technical gadgets by the way.”

(5) Sept 23 blog – “She asked me to meet her in the salon. It was an upscale salon just off Madison Avenue. She was having her full head foiled, so we had lots of time to sign the documents.” Sept 21 2012 blog

(6) “KEEP A JOURNAL whether you are required to or not. Once you start using it, it will become second nature. It will save your life!!”

(7) Sept 21 2012 blog – “I often wonder what some of the states are thinking when they come up with some of these rules or the lack of rules and guidelines. It would be great if we all had the same set of rules to follow…But I guess that would be asking a little too much from our government.” Sept 21 2012 blog

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February 1, 2011

Barack’s Notary-Care — are you covered?

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:16 am

Notary Care

Hello, this is Barack from 123notary…

We have worked tirelessly to ensure Notary-care, a necessity, be available to all families across the nation. Additionally, there will be no fee for Notary-care. Families will be able to get the benefits at absolutely no cost after the bill has passed. Benefits will include free Notary education on the 123notary.com blog in the form of a 30 point test. Other benefits include discounts on higher level listings not to exceed 14% off for those who pay ten weeks early. Furthermore, I would like to remind everybody that there are no deductables. You get the full discount whether you are healthy or not, and whether or not you have a preexisting condition whereby you need to learn how to become a notary. And you won’t get sick of waiting for the website to work, because it already does! So, my fellow American Notaries. Please enjoy the benefits of Notary-care. If the Republicans have a better idea, I’m all ears. No Mr. Spock jokes. They already tease me about that.

Notary care isn’t a privilege. It’s a right. We have the right not to have documents screwed up. It may not be in the Bill of Rights. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be. Let’s not forget the most noble document our forefathers created and most assuredly did not screw up was the Constitution – something they had the foresight to know would evolve over the course of history. Maybe it’s time for the right to notary care to be etched within it. Or maybe not. Figured it was worth a shot.

You might also like:

The 2016 Notary Public Debate
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16006

State ofthe Notary Industry Union Address
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16244

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