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March 17, 2011

If the world ends, do I get a refund?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , — admin @ 10:10 am

If the world comes to an end, do I get a refund?

 I was joking with a client by email tonight.  She asked when her renewal date was for her notary public listing.  I said its 5-01-2012 which is almost eight  months before the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar.  She asked if she would get a refund if the world ended prematurely.  I said, that if the world ends, we will be living in the same situation that Northeast Japan is in — or worse!  There would be no mail, no banks, no mail trucks, no email, and we would have to rely on mental telepathy. That means that there would be no way to get the refund check to you, and no money, and no banks — just debree.  What I said to the out of state client was, “Look on the bright side, maybe the rest of the world will be destroyed, but Los Angeles will be fine!”
The Mayan calendar
Personally, I believe strongly in astrology. I live with an astrologer, have heard a lot about Vedic astrology and how detailed it is, and have read several books about Mayan astrology. I even took a course in Chinese four pillars astrology for date selection. Each system is remarkably different, yet they are all reliable enough to use regularly.   So, if the world is going to end, I better hurry up and do whatever I want to do, right?
Exact dates?
My astrologer housemate insists that far away planets and constellations don’t have an effect necessarily on the exact date when they are charted to be in a particular position.  So, I believe the same applies to Dec 23rd, 2012.  I believe that the 2012 disasters have been warming up for decades and will apex in 2012 or 2013.    The 2005 tsunamis were an appetizer, the Japan 2011 disaster tsunami is part of the warm up too  The Pakistan and China earthquakes, New Orleans, and 911 are part of the scenario too.  The problem is that the real disasters won’t come for another one to four years.  Solar flares will come that disrupt, or eliminate cell phone communications.  Megatsunamis and 9.0 earthquakes all over the place.  Rising sea levels from the melting of the Ross ice shelf means no more Louisiana, Bangladesh, Tokyo, Netherlands or Florida.  Cities on low ground will be wiped off the face of the earth from rising seal levels.  Japanese cities are mostly below 20 feet in elevation.  No more Toyotas for us!!! Wars and rumors of wars are supposed to happen too.  Scientists, the Bible, and psychics are agreeing on a lot of what the scenario is supposed to be.  Prayer is the only reliable way to safeguard yourself.  Only god can save you and your notary public business — even if you don’t believe in god! 

It doesn’t seem to hit at the same place at the right time.
 One month we have an earthquake in one place, then Haiti has an earthquake, then there is a hurricane in another place, an earthquake in one country, and a revolution in another, a future earthquake in San Francisco, and so on and so on.  The damage will not come all at one date or in one place. So, far the world has had many disasters, but our notary public work and notary businesses are still in business!  The  world economy is still in business.  911 effected things more from the reaction that Americans had to the catastrophe, but the reaction made it 100 times worse. People didn’t want to fly anymore and many airlines went out of business and lots tons of cash for more than a year.

So, what is realistic?
Who knows.  I am not able to predict anything, but nothing surprises me either. If you are a signing agent, the problem is that the global and national economies effect you.  If China stops lending America money, then interest rates will go up and nobody will afford to buy properties.  Then notary public signing agents will be in big trouble.  But, what if wealthy Chinese people start coming to California and Oregon to buy up properties.  Then the price goes up so high that we can’t afford a house, but notaries will have work at least.  If there is a disaster and Florida goes under water due to global warming, many of them will go to Georgia and Texas, and the prices of real estate will go up in those other places which means more jobs for notaries.
What if things are fine where you are… but..
If you are sitting in Arizona and things are fine, but Los Angeles is hit with a 9.1 and New York City gets obliterated by a tsunami, then wall street will no longer exist and the whole nationwide lending market might actually have to shut down for a long time.
What do I suggest?
Save your money and keep 100 gallons of water, first aid equipment, and storable emergency food at home.  Have a crank radio, and boots too, because you might have to walk over power lines.  Keep the water rotated, so its always fresh, and put a few drops of bleach in it.  Keep cash hidden, and have money in the bank just in case.  You have no idea what could hit us, and for how long our cities, country, or world could be out of commission.
On a brighter side
Sorry, no notary public listings refunds if the end of the world comes before your renewal date. But, you might get to meet some cute green people from spaceships who come to rescue us.  And Jesus is scheduled to arrive on planet earth sometime soon according to revelation.  You might not be around to see him, but think how happy the others will be.
Think positively.
Don’t pay any attention to what I have written if you are in the notary pubic / notary business.

Don’t worry… be happy!