EDDIE GRIFFIN: Man, what’s the difference between white Notaries and black Notaries? I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a Notary until I was 19 and had to get a car title notarized. That was six months after I found out that isn’t is another way of saying ain’t. I would just assume that a bruthah would sign more smoothly than a white Notary.
CHRIS ROCK: In an ideal world, a white Notary would witness signatures, but a black Notary would have a body camera to make sure of what he witnessed.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: You’re making the Notary sound like the Dallas Police force. If I were a black Notary, I’d be more worried about being pulled over by the police. “Registration and Notary seal please, you know the drill.”
CHRIS ROCK: Yeah, but if Notaries were really like police, at loan signings, they would say, “Now reach for your ID, nice and slow — no sudden movements.” while they had the borrowers at gunpoint. I can’t imagine a signing like that — unless it happened in Detroit.
JERRY SEINFELD: And if you did a signing by X, if you knew who the signer had been seeing while married to his ex, then you’d know why she became an ex.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: I don’t think that signing by x is exactly like that, but I’m digging the way you think.
CHRIS ROCK: And by the way — black Notary lives matter, especially if they’re listed on 123notary.
JERRY SEINFELD: But, if you’re signing with an X, you didn’t come from the greatest school, unless you’re Malcolm X.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: With my luck, the minute I became commissioned as a Notary and got in my vehicle, within minutes of leaving the county clerk after taking my Oath, I’d probably get my ass pulled over by the Notary Police — but, for what I don’t know.
POLICE: Do you know how fast you were signing, son? Can I see your Notary Seal Please?
EDDIE GRIFFIN: I just got my Notary commission, I haven’t even used it yet. How come you didn’t pull that white Notary over?
POLICE: We don’t judge a Notary by the color of his ink, but by the content of his character.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, you’re a character all right.
POLICE: And by the way, the paper might always be white, but the ink is always black which in my opinion kind of evens the score.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, some things ain’t never gonna change.
POLICE: We just wanted to make sure you weren’t notarizing by text and driving at the same time. Just a routine check.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Yeah, stoppin’ brothers. What could be more routine than that?
JERRY SEINFELD: So, what’s the deal with white Notaries?
CHRIS ROCK: Isn’t that redundant? That’s even whiter than Conan O’Brien’s non-tan lines.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Man, what is it with white Notaries, ya know what I’m saying? I bet a white Notary would go to a signing in his nice family SUV, and he would park on the street just to be polite. And then he would knock on the door being exactly on time and say, “Hi, my name is Mike — I’m white, and I’m happy and I’ll be your Notary today.” I don’t want to white-wash this, but that’s how I see it.
CONAN O’BRIEN: Yeah, I bet if it were a black Notary he would say, “Hi, I’m Jermaine, and I’m the Notary with the smooth conversation. Check out this alligator skin briefcase. And you’d never believe the story behind it. I was down the street at my brother’s house and his kids were playing in the back yard. Then an alligator came out of nowhere — we live in Florida by the way. I rushed out at ninja speed to get those kids out the yard and got there just in time before that gator damn near bit my nephew’s arm off. Then, I drove home a block away and came back with my samurai sword. I bought it in Tokyo during a vacation and had it shipped to me as a decorative piece. I never dreamed that antique sword from the Mei-Jin period that was used by the great Zatoichi would ever be used again for practical purposes. So, I ran into the backyard with my samurai sword and said — hayyyyyaaa!!!! And I done chopped the gator’s jowels off. I sold the meat to a local taco place and had my neighbor make a briefcase out of it.
And… I got the smoothest pens you ever signed with. They’re like butter. These cost $200 and no — you may not keep them. But, enjoy the signing experience, my stories, and enjoy the ride. By the way — my ride is a stretch limo that I have parked outside. We can continue the signing there if you prefer — drinks included, but not until after you finish signing. And remember — sign responsibly!”
CHRIS ROCK: Yo Conan, you rock!
CONAN O’BRIEN: Ha ha, I’m a brutha with some street knowledge! And by the way, you not only rock, you are a Rock!
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Conan’s a brutha now? What????
JERRY SEINFELD: Black, white, yellow, brown, orange – believe me, none of us are happy.
EDDIE GRIFFIN: Brother, you just made me happy to hear that.
.
You might also like:
Black Notaries vs. White Notaries — The Notary Manual
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19322
Honey you can kiss my app
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14902
Demographics in the mobile Notary business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15359
Building a Wall Around Signing Companies
BUILDING A WALL AROUND SIGNING COMPANIES
Signing companies are invading our territory. They’re lowering rates for signings, not paying people, and micromanaging the people doing signings.
We will build a wall around these signing companies. And let the signing companies not paying people on time pay for it. The good notaries will make good people sign their legible signatures on the wall. The bad notaries will turn to petty crime and write illegible graffiti on the wall.
In addition to the signing companies, too many new notaries are invading our territory, willing to do twenty dollar signings. They’re killers… of the marketplace by working for cheap. Others are executors… of documents that have something wrong with them. . Others are improperly backdating… Or allowing clients to sign incorrectly… They’re misidentifying people… They’re not administering oaths properly…
We will make notaries great again. They’ll become certified on 123notary.com. They’ll start winning again. Believe me, they’ll get so tired of winning, they’ll start losing their minds just to remember what losing feels like!
We’ll impose a temporary ban on all lousy notaries until we can figure out what the hell is going on. We’ll deport the notaries who aren’t doing their jobs back to where they came from, unless they’re already citizens, in which case we’ll export them to countries we’re not that crazy about. We’ll let them come back legally – by letting a competent notary make them swear they won’t screw things up the next time around.
And when that’s finished, we’ll build a wall around my mouth.
In answer to Bernie Sanders and Pink Floyd… We don’t need no (free) education! All in all it’s just another brick in the wall!
You might also like:
Notary Happy Days goes to China!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16536
Alice in Notary wonderland
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16140