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May 2, 2016

Not being 123notary certified = only getting 47% of the work you would have gotten.

Filed under: Certification & Communication Skills,Marketing Articles — Tags: , , — admin @ 3:02 am

Most Notaries claim they don’t “need” to be 123notary certified. They are already NNA certified or already know it all. Our certification is not to teach you anything. Our purpose is to verify that you are up to a particular level of knowledge. The people who use our site take our certification very seriously and they skip over people who don’t have it. In fact, those who are not 123notary.com certified only get 47% of the jobs they would have gotten if they were certified according to my number crunching.

If you are paying $100 for a listing, but only getting $47 of the value, that’s terrible, right? But, most Notaries on our site are in exactly this position. They pay every year, but some other Notary who pays the same that they do is getting more than double the jobs they pay. So, you’d think that the uncertified Notaries would wake up and just study and take a test. But, they rarely do. Most of them took it before and failed and just gave up. If you give up on our test, you’re giving up on getting work from good companies.

So, what is the solution? Study! If you study hard, you can do better the next time you take the test. A little studying won’t kill you. Plus, this is your career and you should take it seriously. Not knowing what you are doing not only doesn’t make sense, but is dangerous!

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You might also like:

Compilation of certification posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16264

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April 26, 2016

The Signature Name Affidavit

Filed under: (4) Documents,Ken Edelstein,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , — admin @ 2:59 am

The Signature/Name Affidavit
It is most likely that you are not processing this simple form properly. First, the good news; of all the forms in various loan packages this one is probably one of the most uniform. There really is little variation in how this form is structured. I will get to where most “go wrong”; but first a bit about the purpose and structure of the SNA.

The package comes from many sources. There are bank docs, title docs, escrow docs and perhaps some from other sources. It’s a virtual certainty that the borrower name will have some slight variation on documents. Of course the key name is the one on the ID and that is the name that you will notarize; we all know that. But, how about the name variations present in the package? This form is used to state, under oath, that the affiant is “also” known as. It’s a one way form. It can only be used to add variations to the notarized name as proven. It cannot be used to “prove”, for notarization purposes a name that does not match the ID presented.

The first entry is the legal name, which I define as what is on the ID. Thus, if the middle name is on that line it must be on the ID. If, for example the middle name is NOT on the ID, it should be redacted from the top line (proven name only) and that name “demoted” to an “also known as” line in the second area. Yes, the 3 part name is their legal name, BUT – as it was not proven to me I cannot notarize it. If the ID has only the middle initial, that is the “first line” entry. They can “acquire” the middle name in full as an “also known as” in a subsequent entry.

All subsequent entries (AKAs) should include variations, including but not limited to maiden names. The most common variations are the inclusion and omission of middle initials. One approach to completing the form is to keep it on the table while processing other documents. Add to the AKA section each name variation as noticed. Ask the borrower to print and sign the AKA in parallel to processing the bulk of the package. The printed name on the left will have the variation; usually the “matching” signature on the right will be the same for each entry.

The SNA can be used in court, along with a handwriting expert; to determine a signature is authentic on a document. As the signatures were witnessed by a notary, they can be accepted as valid when comparing to a different document. For this reason it’s a good practice to N/A any unused AKA lines; so subsequent names / signatures cannot be added; do you do that?

At the start of this entry I said you probably are not processing this properly, now to prove that statement. After the AKAs there is usually a statement “and that (usually filled in with the preprinted AKA(s)) are one and the same person”. However, you probably added one or more names to the AKA entries, and had the borrower sign on the right. What you might be overlooking is the need to ALSO put the added AKAs to the statement at the bottom! Take a look at an AKA form; there is a reason that they left plenty of room. That section is often overlooked!

It’s a signing, not a closing for most of us. We are there to collect signatures and initials. It’s rare for ALL the docs to have precisely the same name; rarer still for that name to be exactly what is on the presented ID. Proper completion of the SNA is mandatory, and avoiding a redraw will mark you as both a hero and a skilled professional. But don’t go overboard; adding your own SNA is probably not a good idea. If you need one and it was not supplied, call for “what to do”!

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You might also like:

Ken’s tips for the Closing Disclosure
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17116

A comprehensive guide to Deeds
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16285

The Signature Affidavit – what it is and its purpose!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22541

What defines what a signature is?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22173

Index of information about documents
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20258

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April 25, 2016

123notary’s comprehensive guide to getting reviews

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Ninja Theme Articles,Popular on Facebook (very),Popular on Linked In,Reviews — Tags: , — admin @ 2:52 am

To do well on 123notary, you need our certification (not someone else’s,) a good notes section on your profile, and a few good reviews. You don’t need a million reviews (although Ken in NYC thinks he does and has close to a million now.) But, at least one solid review every quarter will keep you far ahead of the game. The catch is how to get reviews, how to ask for them, who to ask, when, and what else to do? Here are some pointers, and then the articles listed below will keep you entertained for the rest of the evening!

1. Get a new review at least once per quarter.
You don’t need a new review every week, just once every few months. This will keep you ahead of the competition in most cases, or at least not far behind if you live where the real review sharks are. Ken has over 400 reviews now, so competing with him will be impossible. But, doing your best will impress all.

2. Understand the 8% rule
Only 8% of people you ask will give you a review. You might have better luck if you deliver stellar service, show up on time, and offer to do extra at no cost. You get more by giving more without asking for return, so give to charity, help thy neighbor, and do extra for your Notary clients.

3. Only ask those who praise you
It is a waste of time to ask for reviews from those who didn’t like your work. Ask those who liked your work and ask right after they say how much they liked your work.

4. Individuals are easier to get reviews from than title & escrow or signing companies.
Signing companies and big companies that hire many Notaries are bombarded with requests for reviews. Yes, ask them, but don’t base your success at getting reviews on the big guys. You stand a 3% chance of getting a review. If this means you should accept a few jobs from regular clients who just want an Affidavit notarized, it might be a good idea as reviews are life and death.

5. Email a link
It is difficult for people to maneouver 123notary. There are too many pages, and too much going on. Make their life simple and email a link to your review page. Ask for their email and send a link. If they can’t find the review page, they won’t write a review.

6. Don’t get three reviews the same day
Many Notaries do this and it looks tacky. They get three reviews within hours of each other and then no reviews for years. If you ask a list of people for reviews, then spread it out over time. If we think your reviews are fake or that you posted them yourself, you are in trouble!

7. Old reviews lose their steam
If you have all of your reviews from 2012, and no new ones, you will get as much business as if you didn’t have any reviews. Keep your reviews current if you want to get business.

8. Five or Six reviews doubles your business!
What? Oh my God! Only five or six? That might mean asking eighty or so people. But, the benefits of these reviews will last for years. Imagine paying 123notary the same amount of money, but getting double the output from your listing, plus having more pride!

Review oriented articles you should read

5-6 reviews doubles your business!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8484

Don’t ask for a review at the wrong time!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15800

Testimonials about how good our review system is!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3902

How to write an email to ask for a review
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15800

Flossing vs. Reviews – both are habits
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22259

You lose $333 every time you don’t ask for a review
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18893

The link is the missing link to getting a review on 123notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18890

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Tips for your notes section
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10 quick changes to your notes that can double your calls!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4499

How to write a notes section if you are a beginner
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16698

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April 19, 2016

Good Deed Bad Deed

Filed under: (4) Documents,Ken Edelstein,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Facebook (shares) — Tags: , , , — admin @ 2:49 am

A deed is a document that transfers ownership of real estate from grantor to grantee. As there are usually two parties involved, the grantee wants to “receive the most” and the grantor wants to “give the least”. For this reason there is a gradient of “what is given”, ranging from virtually nothing being assured, to virtually absolute assurance going to the grantee.

Quit Claim Deed – used to transfer whatever ownership the grantor may have, possibly none whatsoever due to a title flaw. Grantee has no recourse. It’s also used to change vesting errors when a spelling error is in the vesting. It makes no warranty whatsoever.

Fiduciary Deed – issued by an agent (trustee, guardian, executor) acting in official capacity. Only the authority of the agent is warranted, think Quit Claim by other than “owner”. Often used by estates, trusts, sheriffs sales.

Bargain and Sale Deed – similar to Quit Claim, but the property is being sold rather than just relinquished. It does not guarantee that sellers’ ownership of the property is free and clear. Often used to transfer court seized property where the title chain is uncertain.

Trust Deed / Deed of Trust – used to secure a mortgage or note. It gives the trustee (typically the bank) the right to sell the property if the borrower defaults.

Grant Deed – provides assurance that the grantor owns the property and has not previously sold the property. And that there are no liens or encumbrances (made by the grantor) unless disclosed in the deed. Essentially saying the property is free of debt (of or by the grantor).

Special/Limited Warranty Deed – the grantor warrants clear title except for issues that existed prior to the grantor taking possession or are mentioned in the deed. Essentially the grantor is giving assurance that they did nothing to hinder clear title transfer. But, issues typically unknown to seller regarding title are not covered. Usually title insurance is required with the S/L WD to obtain bank approval for loans.

General Warranty Deed – Grantor conveys, without limitation, all of their right, title and interest to the property. Guaranteeing they are the rightful owner, property is free and clear of all encumbrances and debt (unless mentioned in deed). A key provision is that the grantor warrants the entire title chain, including issues prior to their taking possession to be clear, similar to title insurance. Grantor warrants having current title and possession.

Thus at one end of the spectrum is the quit claim deed, essentially saying “if it’s mine, it’s yours”; to the general warranty deed. With the GWD giving assurances as to clear ownership and the “Covenant of Quiet Enjoyment”. The COQE assuring the grantee will not be disturbed or dispossessed by a party having a lien or superior title. As is so often the case with legal documents, the devil is in the details. Fortunately, the title of the deed can quickly eliminate formats that are undesired. However, deeds are usually associated with purchases involving large sums of money, often the largest single purchase in a person’s lifetime. Many review the HUD, TIL, Note and Mortgage very carefully. But, they assume “a deed is a deed”. It’s best to have a skilled real estate attorney explain the deed prior to signing this important document.

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You might also like:

The Closing Disclosure
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=closing-disclosure

The Signature Affidavit
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=signature-affidavit

The Compliance Agreement
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=compliance-agreement

Our string on Power of Attorney posts
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=power-of-attorney

The Deed of Trust
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=deed-of-trust

Affidavits — in general
http://blog.123notary.com/?tag=affidavit

Index of information about documents
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20258

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April 12, 2016

Handling Aggressive Callers

Filed under: Etiquette,Ken Edelstein — Tags: , — admin @ 2:45 am

Handling Aggressive Callers
Perhaps it’s because I live in New York City. Fortunately, the aggressive caller is really a rare event. But, they do occur and it can be a challenge to handle the call. Some want to transfer their problem to a notary, others have exploitation in mind. The worst, due to upbringing or position are used to having things precisely their own way. As notaries we facilitate, within the bounds of reality and legality, their objectives. But, that does not require us to be manipulated.

Our fees are often a point of contention. Some, used to going to the bank and obtaining free services consider mobile notaries on Sunday to be appropriate replacements. Blithely ignoring the fact that expenses and time are incurred going to them, the often demand free or trivial charges. I have been told that as a “public servant” it is my “duty” to acquiesce to outrageous demands. Well, I for one am not any kind of “servant”. It’s a challenge to communicate with these people, but that is what we must do.

Don’t throw gasoline on the fire! An indignant or hostile response to aggression will only escalate the problem. Professional prize fighters know to deflect a punch, redirecting its energy away from them. In a similar manner providing an alternative (to you) notary service often works. I generally suggest the office of the County Clerk – in NY State they notarize at no charge. Be helpful. Even if you do not want this particular client; you can still provide them with some procedural information. It’s not legal advice to suggest they bring Govt. issued photo ID to some other notary. Being helpful will diminish the other persons rage.

Don’t take the bait to respond in kind. Assume a recording device is in use. Make sure that what you say on the phone is accurate and polite. Many “rabble rousers” will quickly disappear when they realize you are not taking the bait. A calm flat professional tone of voice, devoid of emotion works wonders. I have a standard reply for “semi-insulting” comments. I tell them “thank you for sharing your opinion”. Of course true screaming profanity receives an instant hang up.

I had one nut on a vendetta. That person called me 9 times, insisting that I explain in detail the procedure to process an Apostille. After the third call I started a log. With each subsequent call my only response was that I am logging the date and time and my request to not call again. Also, that I would file a criminal complaint for harassment with the police. Now I have Extreme Call Blocker software on the phone. Duds connect for half a second, and then the call is disconnected.

It’s all about being in control of the call; which of course starts with being in control of yourself. I have found that silence on my part often works well. Eventually they say “are you there”? A response of “I was listening carefully to what you had to say and was waiting for when you would give me an opportunity to respond”, politeness does defeat hostility.

There are many possible reasons that you cannot continue to remain on a hopeless call. Perhaps you have a call from France on hold, or you might be booked for the next few days. Generally, the less you say the better. Sometimes frankness works. One aggressive caller chided me for not having a walk in facility. “You are supposed to”. I responded my revenue would not pay Manhattan rent, it was just economically unfeasible. But, sometimes the “devil” on my shoulder gets the better of me. “The only way I could provide you a walk in facility is if you pay the rent!”

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You might also like:

Unilateral commitments in the Notary profession
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15812

Notary Respect
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15367

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April 11, 2016

Minimum wage for Notaries

Filed under: NSA Pricing, Fees & Income,Popular on Facebook (comments),Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 2:44 am

I was thinking about this yesterday. Notaries would be much more happy if there was some sort of a minimum wage. I remember Ben Carson claimed that there should be a separate minimum wage for people fresh out of high school or college otherwise they might never get hired. Personally, I think the government should stay out of wage setting as it creates artificial market situations which might make it too expensive to do business. If someone is sluggish, minimum wage might be more than they merit. And when you combine minimum wage with taxes, insurance, unemployment, and the rest, it might lead many to outsource their work overseas!

Our average Notary averages $105 per signing.
But, you can’t outsource Notary work overseas — at least not yet. Notaries would feel like they were being treated better if they were paid a fair wage. On the other hand, Notaries surveyed half a year ago were averaging about $105 per signing which is not bad at all. Just because you get bad offers doesn’t mean that you actually do signings for $60. It is sort of like looking at the asking prices for houses on the market. The asking price and the sale price are often very different and will give you a distorted view of the market.

Do beginners have merit?
In any case, I feel that beginner Notaries with no experience and no 123notary certification do not merit a minimum wage. Most of the Notaries I test by phone do not know their documents, signing terminology and additionally do even worse when I ask them simple Notary questions. The fact is that we have a lot of unqualified people out there who feel they are worth a lot. In addition to minimum wage for Notaries, I feel there should be minimum standards as well. I feel that our new 30 point test should be the standard, and a particular test result such as a 14 or 15 should be the minimum to be hired at all.

What should qualified Notaries make?
A Notary who has signed 400 loans (and an prove it with journals) and who has passed the 30 point test with an adequate score in my opinion is entitled to some sort of standardized minimum wage. I feel that

$60 per signing of 5-99 pages
$65 per signing of 100-125 pages
$70 per signing of 126-150 pages
$80 per signing of 150+ pages
10 cents per page for printing
50 cents per page for fax backs

I feel that a Notary with good test scores who has signed 4000 or more loans deserves a lot more than this, but the market can determine their value. Just because you test well, doesn’t mean you show up on time, well dressed and with a good attitude.

What do you think a fair minimum wage for qualified Notaries should be? What about for not so qualified Notaries?

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You might also like:

$40 for a signing 72 miles away?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14959

Is $75 enough to print 2 sets of docs, notarize & do faxbacks?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10369

The “Met my fee” list of signing companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16979

A Notary Union? How would that work?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18878

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April 4, 2016

Compilation of Certification Posts

Filed under: Certification & Communication Skills,Compilations,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Facebook (some),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , , — admin @ 2:37 am

Over the years, we wrote many articles about 123notary certification. The ones that did the best were ones that did not mention certification in the title, but mentioned some benefits associated with our certification. Here are our best articles about certification and elite certification.

Here is an easy way to make $4000 more per year
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14162

NNA certified signers who failed our test!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=892

What is the difference between a listing getting 16 clicks / month & 100+?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13185

From 3 jobs per week to 3 jobs per day!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=3940

Do you have to be a CSS to get work these days?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8914

A detailed look at the Ninja Course
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4621

How much more does a 123notary certified signer make?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15392

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ELITE CERTIFICATION

123notary Elite certification, what is it all about?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8531

Why you should consider getting 123notary Elite Certified
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20094

Studying to be Elite Certified is worth $533 per minute
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20774

Elite Certification will benefit you for the rest of your life
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20770

The elite certification study guide
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20118

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March 24, 2016

Two guys with the same name; One cashed the other guy’s check!

Filed under: Drama & Tragedy — Tags: , , — admin @ 6:25 am

Imagine your worst nightmare. Someone else with your same name. But, it’s not identity fraud if the person really is you, or at least shares your name. We had a Notary in Alabama and another Notary in Indiana who had this exact situation. I am not sure if their middle initial or middle name is the same, but the first and last were. They were both on the same database for several signing companies. The problem was that the guy in Alabama did a bunch of jobs for several signing companies, and then the guy in Indiana got paid for those jobs — and deposited the checks.

I actually personally know both of these people and remember a conversation I had with one of them three years ago. He thought his bill was too high and kept saying, Jeremy…. Jeremy…. Jeremy…. Jeremy… with this amazing tonality. He got removed from his high position because it was too much trouble to bill him. Now he has a free listing at the bottom of the list. He might not get that many jobs down there, but if he can get paid for the other guy’s jobs in Alabama, I guess it all works out just fine — for the mean time!

In any case, let this be a lesson to be learned. If you have children, and you have one of those standard type names like Jack Smith, or David Rutherford, consider a name change. Either change your last name, or name your children something that nobody else would name their kids such as Bullwinkle, Shakazulu, or Pleiades! Think in the future, and pick a name that is out of this world, or at least out of this constellation!

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You might also like:

Two notaries assigned the same job?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1060

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March 22, 2016

Notary: Get Thumb Relief

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , , , — admin @ 11:46 am

Notary: Get Thumb Relief
For the record: I am not a fan of texting. Nor do I find using that same tiny keyboard much good for sending regular email. So, I hunted for solutions to replace the somewhat necessary use of my Galaxy S5 keyboard to type. I added to my toolkit a Jorno external keyboard. Now, with a quick Bluetooth connection I have a real keyboard in front of me. And, it both folds to being “tiny”, complete with a built in cover / stand (to hold the phone to a nice viewing angle). The Jorno (EZ to Google) also charges via USB with an industry standard (not proprietary) charging port. It works for Apple and Android, cost is reasonable, and in a word is “Precision-eered” = it’s just right.

Of course sometimes it’s not worth the effort to connect the Jorno. A quick “Confirmed” to an appointment is best done on the phone’s keyboard. But, sometimes it is necessary to explain that the notarization of the POA bound for France will probably require an Apostille. That is when I stop at a coffee shop, quickly setup the Jorno; and type in my (usually verbose) reply. If I have the option, I usually prefer email to texting, as the record keeping is more robust. And, on that this installment transitions to dealing with texting when at home / office.

I’m sitting in front of my PC, with a nice Logitech cordless full size keyboard in front of me. Mouse is also wireless, lest I snarl myself. Ding Dong, the sound of an incoming text. It was O so frustrating, having to work the phone keyboard, or set up the Jorno. Why was I being limited to those two choices? I wanted to use the big screen and big keyboard to reply to that text.

The solution was MightyText. After adding the FireFox browser support (works with IE too), lo and behold that text message was on my PC’s screen and I could use my big keyboard to respond! It gets better. I usually like to have a printout of the address I am going to. With the “text message” on the PCs screen, any screen print tool gives me the printout to take with me. No longer must I scribble notes or refer to the phone. There are several other nifty features in MightyText. It will also originate (on the PC) a text message, not just reply to one. You can also access the contact list on the phone to initiate calls and send texts. A “pop up” on the PC screen allows you to send text to incoming callers, or “decline the call”?

The ability to send a text to an incoming caller has a useful aspect. Using a “key generator” for a “canned” reply, a “one click” ad can be sent. I send my name, and contact information. This is most appropriate when they wish to contact me at a later date/time. I use Keyboard Express, and have several “macros” stored so it’s just a press of Ctrl/w to send my tag line, name, and contact info, and, of course my web site is formulated to be clickable: http://kenneth-a-edelstein.com

The software programs mentioned above are not free, they have a truly trivial cost; and do NOT flood me with ads. “Free” programs almost always have ads, and worse; consider you, and your email address – as something they can sell. Pay a few bucks and avoid an avalanche of junk mail.

Thus, it is possible to turn an annoying situation around. Not only around, but use the tools to further market your services and provide real convenience to your prospective clients. But, don’t overdo it. Sending your “blurb” to a wrong number is bad form – you would not want someone to do that to you. There are usually solutions to repetitive annoyances. You have only to research the problem and obtain the solution. Rarely are you alone with a technology annoyance!

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March 18, 2016

Shark Tank — 123notary wants to sell 10% of its shares!

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: , , — admin @ 10:06 am

123, IT’S SHARK TANK!

First into the tank is the inventor of a directory that will help notaries vastly improve their business.

JB: Hi, Sharks. My name is Jeremy Belmont. And I’m seeking an investment of $500,000 for 10% of my company, 123Notary.com. How many times have you needed a Notary public, and thought “Damn. Where can I find me a decent Notary Public?” Sharks, your searches are over. With 123Notary.com, we get the most serious customers, because we have the best quality notaries. We get 170,000 visits per month. That’s 170,000 more visits per month than Mr. Wonderful makes to the barber.

MR. WONDERFUL: I’d much rather see my money grow than hair.

ROBERT: So walk me through the business model, Jeremy.

JB: We use a lot of social media and search engines to gather up steam, to get good traffic, and we also keep the site well organized. Make sure people have good notary public note sections, reviews. We spend a lot of time making sure people improve their knowledge and pass their certification.

BARBARA: How is that different from other sites?

JB: They don’t put as much attention into the marketing and organization as we do.

LAURIE: Tell us a little about you. How did you get into this line of work?

JB: I started out by being a notary public.

MARK: Good for you, man.

JB: Starting from the ground up is okay as long as you don’t get ground up.

BARBARA: I get a good feeling from you, Jeremy, and I’m going to make you an offer. But I need a little more skin in the game.

MR. WONDERFUL: Hopefully not the skin around your neck.

BARBARA: I wasn’t talking to you, skinhead. I’ll offer you $500,000 for 20% of the company.

MR. WONDERFUL: Ouch. She just cut the value of your company in half.

JB: I appreciate your offer, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to respect the other sharks and hear if anyone else has an offer.

MARK: I like what you’re doing. I like that you started from the ground up. As you know, I own the Dallas Mavericks. And every time they swear to me they won’t blow a shot, I’d like them to swear in front of one of your top-notch notaries, so I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in with Barbara if she’ll have me.

BARBARA: I’ll have you, Mark.

MR. WONDERFUL: Gross.

MARK: 500 K, 20%. But you get two sharks. Ten percent each.

JB: Would you be willing to split the difference at 15%?

ROBERT: I’ll take that deal.

JB: Would you agree to take that deal by signing this paper I have one of our top notaries witness?

ROBERT: I’m out.

LAURIE: You never told us. Why do you need the money?

JB: I want to buy an office.

MR. WONDERFUL: Where are you working now, out of your car?

JB: No, I’m working at home. I want to get an office, so I can have my staff all under one roof. It’s hard to stay unified when you’re all working in separate places.

MR. WONDERFUL: You live in your car?

BARBARA: You’re so mean.

JB: I don’t want to rent an office, because I don’t like the fact you can’t open the windows. I want to be able to customize it to my own needs, which includes having windows that actually open. I have a hard time working without oxygen.

MR. WONDERFUL: That makes you an “airhead” for the right reasons. I’m fine with that. Well, Jeremy, I’ll make you an offer. I don’t want any equity. Zero. Zip.

MARK: Here it comes.

MR. WONDERFUL: I want a 2% royalty for every signing you make. And after I make six times my investment back – Poof. I’m gone.

JEREMY: Darn. You’re still here.

LAURIE/BARBARA/MARK: For that putdown alone, we’ll match your offer.

JEREMY: I’m about to say yes in… 1…2…3!

.

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