Imagine that you are careless and misspell business names.
123notary could become our competitor Notary123.
NNA could become the NRA.
Complete Closers could become Complete Losers. Imagine!
So be careful when you write about Notary companies — or else!
Here is a list of inappropriate things you could do at a signing.
1. Visit the other rooms of the signer’s house and make comments.
2. Park in their driveway without permission.
3. Flirt with the borrower’s wife.
4. Ask the signers to hurry up and sign a little faster.
5. Watch youtube on your iphone during the signing and laugh loudly.
6. Call your girlfriend / boyfriend during the signing multiple times.
7. Dress as you would dress going to the beach or going to a nightclub.
8. Comment loudly on the borrower’s rate — “Oh my god you’re paying 5.3%?”
9. Fall asleep at the signing table.
10. Refuse to leave once the signing is finished!
I wrote a blog article about the difference between bad boy Notaries and “nice” Notaries. It seems that “nice” Notaries are basically not nice at all, but a bunch of losers who want to attain other’s positive opinion and never assert themselves. The intrinsic meaning of “nice” means that you care for others which is very different from caring about how others think of you which is selfish in a lame sort of a way.
Here are some more things a bad boy Notary could do.
1. The “nice” guy Notary arrives in his Toyota Corolla or Honda, parks on the street even if he has to walk three blocks.
The bad boy Notary arrives at the signing driving a Harley. Of course, if the Harley was really noisy that would add to the bad boy appeal.
2. The ‘nice” guy Notary read copious reviews on buying the most sensible laser printer on the market, yet ends up with one that is broken half the time and works at the speed of a snail because his budget was too small. The bad boy Notary invests in a mega printer that spits out 40 pages per minute (on a bad minute) and never breaks, and also has a three year guarantee. When the bad boy Notary introduces his printer he says, and I quote, “check out this bad boy.”
3. The “nice” guy Notary neatly stacks the blank pages (if any) in the stack of loan documents. The bad boy Notary
makes spitballs out of the blank pages in the stack of loan documents, or makes paper airplanes. Japanese bad boys prefer to do origami with the blank pages and show off their Yakuza tattoos and explain the story of each tattoo. The bad boy notary could also play hang man with customers using blank pages (and even hang them if they lose.)
4. The “nice” guy Notary refuses to answer phone calls during the signing because he feels it might upset the client. The bad boy Notary realizes that he will miss his next job assignment as well as tomorrow’s job assignments if he misses phone calls, texts and emails, so he is watching them like a hawk. Moreover, he is concerned that his various lady friends might call while at the signing and he definitely doesn’t want to miss their calls.
5. The “nice” guy Notary explains to the borrower why page three on the 1003 is left blank and then gets funny looks. The bad boy Notary plays tic tac toe with the customer using page three of the 1003. Sounds kind of lame, but is a way to use the page that says, “this page intentionally left blank.”
6. The “nice” guy Notary invests big bucks going to all of the NNA conferences, learns some, and makes a handful of connections that he could have made by making a few phone calls. The bad boy Notary reads Jeremy’s blog and masters the materials in the free courses, gets a few mentors by networking with Jeremy, Carmen and the other more experienced people in the industry, AND, writes sarcastic and mildly inappropriate responses to Jeremy’s blogs… (hmmm, sounds like Ken.)
7. The “nice” guy Notary let’s his customers rack up a huge bill without complaining. After all, he is afraid that they will stop sending business his way. The bad boy Notary has a credit limit with customers which he expects them to honor. If the don’t he will cancel a job at the last minute and send a text saying, “Paypal what you owe me or find another Notary, punk!” Ouch! Once again, sounds a little like Ken, except Ken asks to be paid up front as a standard business practice. I wonder if Ken wears a leather jacket? Ken also doesn’t call people punks… he calls them turkeys instead. (gobble gobble.)
8. The “nice” guy Notary wants to attracts any client he can and is afraid to lose any client. The bad boy Notary realizes that there are some people with more time than money, and others with more money and less time — he prefers the latter and charges them appropriately. If the client is not in a position to pay big and pay fast, bad boy Notary doesn’t have a use for them.
9. The “nice” guy Notary carries pepper spray in the car just in case. Better safe than sorry. The bad boy Notary carries pepper spray in the car, on his person, a gun, has a knife collection and a club. After all, you never know what is coming. Additionally, bad boy Notary always sits closest to the door not because he is afraid — he is just thinking ahead of the game just in case something happens. You always have to have an escape plan.
10. The “nice” guy Notary always brags that he knows what he is doing and talks endlessly about his “experience.” The bad boy Notary is certified five times over and keeps his cool when talking to clients. He answers questions the way they were ask, and doesn’t try to insert little self-promoting statements into the conversation when unnecessary. He figures if someone wants to know about his background in Escrow or the 10,000 loans he signed (or claims to have signed) they will ask. He plays it cool and gets the job, because he is very professional and not at all annoying contrary to the “nice” Notary who falls on his face trying to do a snow job or smoke screen.
So, there you have it. Nice guys finish last not because they are nice, but because they are lame and unprepared, not to mention stupid. Stay ahead of the game and be a bad boy Notary. But, perhaps without the Harley as that pointer is not that critical. However the Harley jacket has been scientifically proven to attract babes.
You might also like:
Are you a bad boy Notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22380
Ken’s take on how to be a bad boy-girl, person, Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22374
Back in the day, they used to teach notary classes in high school just in case some of the students would one day become Notaries. They taught it in the same room they taught typing incidentally which is interesting as both types of work are clerical in nature.
TEACHER: Now class, please turn to page forty. The duties of the Notary Public are to Acknowledge signatures, take Oaths, execute Jurats, and my psychic says that in the future there will be this thing called an Affirmation.
SAM (a 15 y/o student): Hey teacher, you’re a lot hotter than the last teacher we had. Taking your class is going to be a dream come true.
TEACHER: Thank you Sam for your vote of confidence. I truly am glad to know that I indeed am hot, at least in your eyes, and thank you for making your astute observation using correct grammar.
SAM: No problem teach! Any time!
TEACHER: Oh, let’s see. There appears to be a love note on my desk. Well, thank God this class isn’t like the last class. My students hated me.
BRUCE: You’re not going to have that problem here, baby… I mean… teach!
TEACHER: That’s Mrs. Bates to you, but once again, I appreciate your vote of confidence. Let’s see what the letter says. “My love for you has no bounds, I feel like howling like the hounds, my feelings towards you I wish not to belittle or smalledge, but to thee, my love, I sincerely wish to Acknowledge.” Wow! This is not poorly written at all. I would like to instill upon you the notion that I am married, and although your feelings are appreciated, they unfortunately cannot go anywhere.
SAM: Hey, may the better man win. Your husband must have something we don’t have.
TEACHER: Yes, its something called a job… and also maturity, but that’s a completely different matter. Now, moving right along. An Acknowledgment is a notary act where the signer acknowledges having signed a document. They make this formal declaration in the physical presence of the Notary.
CHRIS: Let’s get physical… physical. Is it kind of like that song. You know the Olivia Newton song?
TEACHER: Very much so, but with no dancing. Any questions?
SAM: Yeah… Do you like younger guys?
TEACHER: I like younger people just fine. However, I cannot entertain the idea of the type of relationship you are most likely thinking about.
BRUCE: Do you attest to that? And also… What are you doing after class?
TEACHER: Grading papers. How romantic. See you tomorrow.
(The next day)
TEACHER: Hello class. Many teachers might be cross with you or stern after getting an inappropriate love note.
SAM: What was inappropriate about it? I thought it was well written and didn’t contain any bad words. That’s as appropriate as we get over in this school.
TEACHER: Yes, I see what you mean. But, you see that it is not appropriate to make romantic suggestions to your teacher. It violates teacher-student ethics.
BRUCE: What are ethics? Do Guns and Roses use ethics.
TEACHER: Well, you see, some people think it is morally wrong for teachers and students to have romantic interludes, but if it weren’t wrong, I assure you, that some of you handsome young people here, might be in business. Oh my God, I can’t believe I said that. Father, forgive me. But, my husband found out about the note and guess how he feels?
CHRIS: Uh oh, do I need to change my name and move to a different town and assume a new identity so I don’t get killed or mamed?
TEACHER: Actually, he feels flattered, and he feels more sexy than I have ever seen him feel in his life. He is all excited that his wife is a hot chick that is in demand.
SAM: Woah, I’m glad we could make your family feel all good Ms. Bates. I totally dig that. But, what I want to know now is, “Where do we go, where do we go now, where do we go… sweet child of mine….”
TEACHER: Let me guess, these are lyrics to that new group Titanium… Oh, maybe they are called Platinum. Do they wear really tight pants, look like women from an asylum and scream when they sing?
BRUCE: No, you must be thinking of Motley Crew. This group is called Guns & Roses. The ironic thing is that they don’t own any guns. But, the lead guitar guy wears this really cool hats from the 1800’s which I totally respect because if there is one subject that I like more than biology, it’s history.
TEACHER: I’m glad to know you are learning something Bruce. Anyway, a Jurat is a notarization where you swear to the truthfulness of a document and sign it in the presence of a Notary.
SAM: Is that also a physical presence? Because I noticed that your verbiage was adulterated oh so slightly.
BRUCE: I like your choice of semantics there — adulterated. Someone might feel adulterated really soon because they are in some particular person’s physical presence.
TEACHER: I understand what you mean Bruce, but it doesn’t mean exactly that. You have to be more than in a physical presence to commit adultry.
CHRIS: Can children commit adultery, or only adults?
SAM: Yeah, wouldn’t it be childery if we committed it?
BRUCE: Hey wait a second, if a child committed adultery with an adult, wouldn’t that be childery as well as adultery, or would that depend on which party in the transaction you were a part of.
TEACHER: Children, this is a very interesting discussion. There is no such thing as childery, and for your information, adultery involves inappropriate sexual behavior between a married person and someone else who is not part of that holy union.
SAM: Holy union… I mean holy cow… By jove, I think I’ve got it now.
CHRIS: Well in any case compadres, we made teach’s husband feel like a complete stud. I say our mission was a success and we can all go home now… providing that we finished our written assignment writing a paragraph about each notary act.
TEACHER: I couldn’t have said it better myself. Glad we could learn about notary work as well as adultery all in one short class, not to mention making my husband feel better than he has felt in over a decade. But, I have to go soon as well.
SAM: Why, are you going to grade more papers?
TEACHER: No, I have an appointment at Victoria’s Secret. I haven’t been there in 15 years, but now there seems to be a reason to go — thanks to certain young people with inquisitive minds, and when I say inquisitive, you know what I mean!
BRUCE: Right, like in the Spanish inquisition — they were the most inquisitive people I ever read about in history.
TEACHER: That means something completely different. But, have a wonderful day boys! Ta ta!
You might also like:
Most Popular Notary Jokes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8471
Are you a bad boy notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22380
Notarize you like a hurricane
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22168
Notary Happy Days goes to China
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16536
What defines a bad boy Notary? They are just like any other Notary in most respects, but there are differences as well.
1. The bad boy Notary has this, “Don’t give a damn” attitude. He is particular about legal issues because you can get into real trouble for that. But, other things he is less concerned about.
2. The “nice guy” Notary parks on the street or asks permission to park in the driveway. The bad boy Notary parks in the driveway even if there is plenty of room on the street and then says, “Hey baby, I parked in your driveway — I thought you wouldn’t mind.”
3. If the signer is an attractive female: The “nice guy” Notary says, “You’re very beautiful, would you like to go out with me some time?” When she says, “I have a boyfriend.” Then he says, “Oh, I didn’t realize.” When the bad boy Notary hears that she has a boyfriend, he whispers into her ear, “Does he satisfy you?”
4. If the signer is an attractive female: The “nice guy” Notary says, “You have a very pretty smile.” The bad boy Notary asks, “When was the last time you were spanked?”
5. The “nice guy” Notary says, please start here, and feel free to ask if you have any questions about the documents. The bad boy Notary says, “This is a signing appointment — I have another appointment at 8pm and cannot be late. You have borrowers copies that you can read after the signing is over. If you can’t finish by 7:25 I have to leave with all of the Lender documents signed or unsigned. The reality is that the “nice guy” notary will be delayed, end up late at his next appointment, horribly inconvenience the subsequent appointment and get fired. So much for being a pushover!
6. The “nice guy” Notary wears a business jacket. If he is upper class (which is rare in this profession) then he might wear tweed and use correct grammar. The bad boy Notary wears a leather jacket and perhaps a little oil in his hair depending on his personal style. He might wear cowboy boots too and will undoubtedly have a very firm handshake.
7. The “nice guy” Notary apologizes profusely if he needs to thumbprint a signer for legal reasons. The bad boy Notary says, “Hey, I’m gonna need to thumbprint you.” Then if you are a cute female, or perhaps an older female who he feels doesn’t get enough attention for males (which is something he will have to do something about) then he will read your palm and tell you about your love life and other factors.
8. The “nice guy” Notary holds on to packages if there is any reason the signing company might call back. But, sometimes he flakes, forgets to deliver them by cut off and gets severely reprimanded for being a twit. The bad boy Notary gets rid of the package because his attitude is, “that’s your problem, buddy” Yet the bad boy Notary never gets in trouble for getting rid of the package.
9. The “nice guy” Notary wonders why he doesn’t get much business. The bad boy Notary goes to title companies in person, gives flowers to the ladies, winks at them (particularly if they are married), and makes his round of calls to the several hundred signing companies he is associated with, flirts with them and gets used. He says things like, “So, are you as beautiful as person as you sound over the phone?” Women sometimes think he is cheesy (perhaps a brie if he has a French accent), but they never forget him. The nice guy notary gets overlooked and rarely used unless they are desperate.
10. The “nice guy” Notary whines when he doesn’t get paid. The bad boy Notary uses several attorneys and collection agencies and takes legal action against companies regularly. He gets some companies to sign a contract when they are desperate which allows him to collect for all types of damages. He is able to collect triple damages some of the time as well.
So, now we know some of the differences between a nice guy notary and a bad boy Notary. The question is, what can you learn from the bad boy Notary? Please write some comments if there are any other bad boy lessons you can teach us which I neglected to mention.
You might also like:
More on bad boy notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22560
What constitutes a bad boy notary part 2
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22492
The Notary pride parade in West Hollywood
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22594
Most Popular Notary Jokes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8471
NOTARY: What a long drive. But, I’m here. Are you ready?
FRANK: I don’t normally work at this branch of Subway, I’m just “subbing”.
NOTARY: Oh, then can you grade my paper? It’s an Affidavit.
FRANK: There’s a spelling mistake in line two.
NOTARY: Really? And what about your Affidavit. Is it ready?
FRANK: It’s right here.
NOTARY: Would you like onions with your notarization, and would you like to make it a combo?
FRANK: Does it come with chips and a drink for another $2.25.
NOTARY: I actually have Fanta in the car. That helps me get better reviews. Being a Notary these days is not far from being an Uber driver except that we don’t have to vacuum our car as much… or ever.
FRANK: Got it. I’ll sign… Are you watching?
NOTARY: Watching. Your hands are clean right? No mayo or chipotle sauce on your fingers, right?
FRANK: Too late. Please affix your stamp there.
NOTARY: Please sign my journal first… Good… Now it’s time for recess.
FRANK: Recess?
NOTARY: You’re “subbing”, right?
FRANK: Oh, yeah… right.
You might also like:
Compilation of posts about notary restaurant themes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17442
The Starbucks Oath questions
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21001
TEACHER: Now, class, as we all know, we are all little snowflakes now aren’t we?
CLASS: Yes teacher
TEACHER: And we don’t have to be responsible about anything in life because the world owes us a living. Anyone who criticizes us is bad because they might offend or hurt our feelings which is the worst thing of all. Now class, we must all be sensitive to how people identify. Let’s go around the class.
SHELLIE: I self-identify as being a male police man.
TODD: I just came back from a trip to India, and my nuts were sore from the car bouncing on the bumpy roads in the mountains. Such unbelievable pain. I bet you have had similar problems being a man, right?
SHELLIE: Excuse me?
TODD: You mean your nuts have never hurt?
SHELLIE: I don’t have those yet. I’m transitioning dummie.
FRANK: I self-identify with being a Notary Public.
TODD: Oh good, how much is it to get an Affidavit of copy of transcript notarized?
FRANK: What’s an Affidavit?
TODD: It is a document you notarize… That’s what Notaries do you know. Do you have a stamp and a Notary commission?
FRANK: I think we have to stand up to this type of harassment. My feelings are hurt!
TODD: Have you filed your Oath and Bond with the county clerk?
FRANK: What’s a bond?
SHIMON: I self-identify as being a sephardic cantor.
TODD: Can you sing me some lines from what you sing in shul?
SHIMON: Oh yeah… (sings very Moroccan sounding Hebrew prayers and sways from side to side.)
TODD: Just out of curiousity, did you start out as a Sephardic cantor, or did you transition into it?
SHIMON: I had to go to school to learn to become a cantor. You can’t “cant” unless you study.
TODD: Did you have to study to become Sephardic?
SHIMON: You kind of have to be born into that, but it’s complicated. To be of a tribe, your affiation is based on the father, but your religion based on the mother.
SHELLIE: What about your sexual identity — is that based on your mother’s lineage or your father’s?
SHIMON: I’ll have to think about that. Have a nice evening and Shalom!
You might also like:
Millennial Notaries and gender roles
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22535
The ADD culture and marketing your notary listing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22309
Notaries hate being tested, but love reading Notary tests on blog entries for some reason. I’ll have to ask my psychic why that is. Maybe it is because they are not on the spot with this. Here is a fun quiz of the day.
1. Notaries notarize
(a) Documents
(b) People
(c) Signatures
(d) Signatures on Documents
(e) People’s signatures on documents.
2. Initials. If you initial a change on a loan document, where should the initial go?
(a) To the right of the crossed out text
(b) To the left of the crossed out test
(c) Above the crossed out text
(d) Anywhere around the crossed out text
(e) Below the crossed out text to the right.
The processor I used to work for did not want me to cross out the text, but initial below the text and below the right end of the text. The processing dept. would do the rest according to good old Emily. I wonder how she is.
3. What is the difference between a conflict of interest, interest, financial interest, and beneficial interest? This reminds me of the joke about the Mortgage Broker who left the industry in 2008 because he lost interest.
4. A Notary was asked to notarize a document with no signature line. What should the notary do?
(a) Ask the borrower to write in a signature line.
(b) Tell the borrower that he cannot notarize the document without a signature and signature line.
(c) Write in the signature line himself.
(d) Refuse to notarize the document.
(e) Call Carmen at 123notary and ask for help.
5. A Notary does a job for an old lady at a hospital notarizing a document. The notary asked the lady if she understood the document and she said yes. Two months later all parties were in court because the lady did not understand what she had signed. What should the notary have done?
(a) Ask the lady to paraphrase the document.
(b) Tell the lady how he went to the white house to visit President Johnson and see how she reacts.
(c) Stick to jail signings — they might be criminals, but at least they are in their right mind (whatever that means.)
(d) Start a conversation about current events to do a “reality test.”
6. A Notary was asked to notarize at the peace process. The Palestinians said you can’t have peace without a process. The Israelis said you can’t have peace without security. The Notary said you can’t have a notarization without a signature. After a long discussion, the Palestinians wanted to be acknowledged twice for one signature, Since the Israelis wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of their people, at least a Notary could acknowledge their signature twice to compensate. What is wrong with this picture?
(a) The Palestinians wanted to trade one Israeli signatures they had captive for two hundred Palestinian signatures as a peace initiative.
(b) The signer is the only one who can acknowledge a signature, not a Notary.
(c) An Israeli Notary will not acknowledge a Palestinian signature until they acknowledge the State of Israel’s signature.
(d) Yes, a single signature can be acknowledged multiple times, but it is the signer who does the acknowledging.
You might also like:
Notary aptitude test 2
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17065
Does 123notary have the authority to quiz people?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19469
Notary Public 101 quiz questions
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19520
Quiz – you know you’re a good notary when you…
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14912
30 point quiz – Jeopardy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14557
DONNIE: Hi, I’m looking for a Notary who is reliable who can help me notarize a few Affidavits.
NOTARY: Well I’m reliable.
DONNIE: Oh you are? That’s great. Because the other Notaries failed to assure me that they were reliable, therefore you’re the one I’m going to hire for my two hundred documents.
NOTARY: Really?
DONNIE: No dumb-ass! You really think I’m going to take your word for it numb-nuts? The fact that you claim to be reliable doesn’t mean jack. This is ridiculous! I’m calling someone else.
DONNIE: Hi, I’m looking for a Notary who is reliable who can help me notarize a few Affidavits.
NOTARY: I’m cooking right now. I’m a bit of a gourmet.
DONNIE: Oh, I have a new brand for you for gourmets with attitude. It’s called “What the Puck, by Wolfgang Puck.”
(disclaimer — this is not a real brand and the reference was for purely comedic purposes and yes, we love Wolfgang Puck’s line of soups by the way in real life. Particularly chicken and wild rice because I like it wild.)
NOTARY: I find that kind of offensive.
DONNIE: Well I find it offensive that you act like you’re on vacation during a fricking business call. Get your head out of your ass and let me know if you wanna work or not?
NOTARY: I politely decline.
DONNIE: I’ll have to find someone else for my 200 Affidavits that I’m paying $10 per head for.
NOTARY: I changed my mind, I’m so behind on my payments.
DONNIE: You’re behind on payments because you put recreation ahead of work as a matter of practice. I need to find a real Notary who takes life seriously. (slams phone down)
DONNIE: (ring-ring) Hi, I need a Notary to notarize a few Affidavits.
KEN: Sounds super. Can you read the name as it appears on your ID?
DONNIE: What’s it to you buddy?
KEN: It’s a legal requirement and believe me, I’m not asking you for the pleasure of asking.
DONNIE: Fair enough. It says…. Donnie Wahlberg, Donnie spelled with an i.e. at the end like your giving an example. And Wahlberg which has an “h” after the a, and the berg has an “e”, not a “u”, not that there’s anything wrong with having a “u”.
KEN: Well I don’t have a “u”, nor do I have anything against “u.”
DONNIE: And you never will.
KEN: You’re probably not my type anyway, but it never hurts to meet new people.
DONNIE: You know something… I like you. You ain’t that bad! You didn’t say nuttin’ stupid like those other nitwits I talked to.
KEN: Hey, don’t knock it. I get a lot of work cleaning up after those clowns. Too bad the clown schools aren’t taking applications because then they could become professional clowns.
DONNIE: I’m not sure I want someone squirting me with water at a signing.
KEN: All I can say is just hope to god they don’t have cream pie for desert after the signing is over. You never know where that could go.
DONNIE: Yeah, tell me about it. You’re hired. By the way, 200 documents isn’t a problem for you, right?
KEN: cha-ching! I hit the jackpot. It just means more journal entries and a little self-massage of my hand when it cramps up. By the way, do you happen to have any good massage oil?
DONNIE: I actually know of some good brands from Whole Foods that my new girlfriend just tipped me off to. She just finished school to become a Thai masseuse, but she’s Irish which is another story.
KEN: Oh really. Tell me more… And by the way, she’ll have to change her accent. People go to Thai massage to hear, “Sawat de ka” and “I do for you.” and not “Ay, the luck of leprichauns… my father O’Flanahan knows a wee over two thousand stories about those creatures he told me as a lass, he did.”
DONNIE: A point well taken. I’ll take her to one of those accent reduction places for people whose American accent is too thick.
KEN: I like it! Just have her put a little nasal into it and whine a little bit. She’ll be perfect.
You might also like:
Jersey Shores Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21228
Shark Tank – notarizing in the shower for executives
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20511
Dr. PHIL: You have asked me to moderate your ongoing dispute between Notaries and signing companies. I hope that we will have a fruitful session and resolve some of your issues.
FRANK: Thank you Dr. Phil. We Notaries have been complaining for years about low-ball fees. We are sick of it and want to get paid what we deserve.
SAMANTHA: Thank you Dr. Phil. We signing companies used to have better quality Notaries to work for us. In the last several years, the quality keeps going down and down. We feel we shouldn’t have to pay much money to these Notaries who in our opinion, should not be commissioned in the first place.
FRANK: If you want better quality Notaries you are not going to get them based on what you pay.
SAMANTHA: Well, if you want more money, you won’t get it with your communication and notary skills.
Dr. PHIL: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This conversation isn’t going anywhere. Now, Frank, I don’t know what your level of competency is as a Notary Public. If you want to get paid good money, you have to be good at what you do.
FRANK: Oh, I’m good at what I do.
SAMANTHA: No he’s not. He claims to be good at what he does. We tested him and he got 30% on our test which is so easy, high-school student could pass. We only hire him because the other Notaries are either just as bad, or charge a lot more.
Dr. PHIL: Too bad you don’t get paid for deluding yourself, you’re good at that. Now, you think you are good at what you do, but Samantha here has given you a standardized test and you failed. How can you call yourself a great Notary when you failed a very basic sounding standardized test?
FRANK: Well that’s because I’m anything but a standard Notary. And by the way, you’re just as bad as she is.
Dr. PHIL: Well, what do you think your average standard person is going to think if they know you failed your test?
FRANK: They’ll think I’m an idiot.
Dr. PHIL: So, do you think someone functioning at the level of an idiot deserves high pay? Do you think they deserve to be hired at all? Would you hire someone who failed a professional exam?
FRANK: Oh, well now that you put it that way. Hmmm. Well I thought I was good at what I did. I don’t get complaints?
Dr. PHIL: You have a complaint sitting right next to you. Do you think you’re being honest with yourself?
FRANK: In all honesty, yes… wait, can I start being honest now? Well at least I thought I was being honest with my self.
Dr. PHIL: The fact remains that you are not honest with yourself about how you are severely lacking in your knowledge of notary and signing basics. Those that hire you are not happy about that fact. They will never pay you much as long as you don’t live up to their expectations.
FRANK: What about my expectations?
SAMANTHA: We put up with this type of attitude to save $50 per signing. If we didn’t do that, we would not be able to turn a profit.
Dr. PHIL: Well you get what you pay for. Frank here is not living in reality and exhibits no willingness to learn his profession to the point where he seems hireable. Now, let me ask you a few questions Samantha. How often do the Notaries you hire make mistakes and what are the potential damages to your finances when they do make mistakes? Try to give me as many realistic scenarios as possible.
SAMANTHA: When we hire new Notaries, we screen them out first to get rid of the ones that sound really bad on the phone. The ones we hire, we encounter a 3% error rate, at least with the new hires.
Dr. PHIL: And what are the damages?
SAMANTHA: It’s really hard to say. Sometimes we have to resign. Other times we have to redraw documents. Once , a client lost his lock. But, in one isolated incident, an identity thief was notarized with a fake ID that a good Notary would have spotted. That cost us $20,000 and time in court.
Dr. PHIL: So, that sounds dangerous to me. What is the average cost of a notary mistake, all factors considered?
SAMANTHA: After doing the math, it looks like the average mistake might cost $400. Since mistakes only happen 3% of the time the cost per average job hiring questionable notaries might be $12. We are saving a lot more than $12 to hire cheaper Notaries so it seems worth it to me.
Dr. PHIL: What about the cost to your reputation and the risk of losing clients because you hire less than perfect Notaries?
SAMANTHA: That is always an issue, but since we clean up problems quickly, we haven’t lost more than a few clients. But, that does seem to be a bigger issue. How many Title Company clients have we lost due to the quality of the Notaries we have hired, and how many more would we retain or attract if we used better Notaries. It might be worth $30 extra to hire a better Notary.
FRANK: Now, I’m out of business for sure.
SAMANTHA: Unless you study. It wouldn’t kill you to crack a book.
FRANK: It might.
Dr. PHIL: It looks like we have had a good discussion here. I have learned something, and I think you, Samantha have learned more about the various factors in this complicated equation of who you hire, how much you pay them, and why. Now, Frank, have you also learned that you need to study more to be able to pass standardized tests to make a good impression on people who hire you?
FRANK: 123notary is the only entity who has quizzed me recently, and they are a directory. They don’t even hire people. I don’t think anyone else cares if I know anything, so why should I care?
Dr. PHIL: If you want to get more work at higher prices, you should care. I read an article that says that 123notary certified signers make $8 more per signing and get a heck of a lot more work.
You might also like:
Marriage Therapy for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21220
Bikers on Boats; Notaries heisting signatures
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21160
Notarization on the Steve Harvey Show
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13704
