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January 16, 2019

Notary Etiquette 104 — Answering Questions the Way They Were Asked

Filed under: Etiquette — Tags: — admin @ 1:30 pm

ANSWERING QUESTIONS THE WAY THEY WERE ASKED
Return to Table of Contents for – Notary Etiquette 104

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I often have to make over one hundred welcome calls per day to Notaries who cannot give straight answers to questions. I have to ask each Notary five questions, but because they give roundabout answers, I have to ask each question sometimes two or three times which leads to 1500 questions for 100 calls when no questions would be necessary at all if they had filled in their listing properly. People who hire Notaries are seriously annoyed with all of the nonsense they have to put up with. So, make their life easy and just answer questions the way they were asked. Below are some examples.

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1. How many loans have you signed?
“Oh, gosh… hmm, let me think for half an hour, well I did one yesterday, and I’m on my way to one now…”

This is inconsequential banter and a real waste of the other person’s time. Just try to give them a number. You were asked for a number, so don’t tell them how many years you have been doing it or how you are NNA certified, just say how many loans you have signed.

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2. What counties do you cover?
“Well, it depends on what you are paying…” or “I go to Van Zandt for my normal fee and then Smith for a little extra, where is the assignment?”

There is no assignment. We are a directory and need to put you in the counties that you cover. If you can just tell me the names of the counties without the other rambling and questions, I would be able to fill that information in a lot more easily.

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3. The names do not match.
If the ID says John Smith and the name on the document says John W Smith, would it be prudent under the circumstances to notarize the signature?
“I would just ask for another ID.”

Obviously you would ask for another ID, but the question is a yes/no answer and you gave a “what would you do” answer instead. You will be marked wrong because once again, you did not answer the question as it was asked.

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4. What hours do you answer the phone?
“I’m flexible.”

That answer is really not helpful, and “all day long” is not either. If someone asks for hours, tell them hours.

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5. Do you have a dual tray laser printer?
“Well gee, I have a single tray printer but I have the software so that it can print letter and legal and my printer is very fast and …”

This answer does not answer the question. The answer is, “No.” You are bending the person’s ear with all of this rhetoric.

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6. What types of loans do you know how to sign?
“I have signed most of them before.”

This is a useless answer. Just list the types of loans and financial packages you have signed before such as: Refinances, Helocs, Purchases, 1st, 2nds, Reverse, Reverse Applications, Construction, etc.

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You might also like:

Vague communication is unacceptable
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19048

Clarifying vague claims in your notes section
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4675

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January 15, 2019

Notary Etiquette 104 — Confirming the Signing & At the Signing

Filed under: Etiquette — Tags: , , — admin @ 10:28 pm

CONFIRMING THE SIGNING & AT THE SIGNING
Return to Table of Contents for – Notary Etiquette 104

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1. Call to confirm the signing.
First introduce yourself on the confirmation call. Then go over all pertinent points. Make sure the ID proves the name on the documents and that all the signers will be there. You should also verify that there is a clean table to sign on. You should go over how long the signing should take, if there is anything going back to the document custodian and if they have used morphine or Jack Daniels within several hours of the signing. Nothing beats a sober signer or a well-organized Notary Public.

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2. Introduce yourself at the door.
It is good to mention that you are Joe the signing agent and that it is your job to facilitate the signing. Mention that they can address all of your questions to you, but that you cannot answer specific questions about their loan, but only general questions about loan documents and Notary procedure.

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3. Small talk is good.
People like a friendly Notary who can talk about small talk. But, avoid any topics that could be controversial such as gender issues, sex, guns, and how born-again Christians should have a second birth certificate for when they were born the second time.

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4. Don’t discuss guns and religion.
Unless you are notarizing the Obamas, don’t bring up Joe the plumber, or religion. But, if you are notarizing the head of the NRA then you might reconsider guns. If you ask him to shoot you an email, don’t be surprised if he asks what you want him to shoot it with! Yee-haw!!!

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5. Don’t park in the driveway.
The driveway is for the residents to park in, not you. You are their humble servant who parks on the street (sorry).

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6. Call if you’re going to be late.
If you are going to be late, call and let them know ahead of time rather than keeping people hanging.

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7. Don’t rush the borrowers.
On the other hand, if you have another appointment to go to, let them know when you have to depart. If you are under a time crunch, you can discuss their right to rescind if applicable and remind them that they have borrower copies.

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8. No drinks on the table
Drinks can spill, so unless you want your Deed of Trust drenched, keep the drinks on a chair or a separate table — no exceptions.

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9. Know when to call the Lender.
If the borrower asks questions, you need to know in advance which questions you can answer and which questions to refer to the Lender. You should have the phone numbers for Title, the lender, and any other relevant party. You can answer questions about what information is where in the documents as well as Notary questions. You should not answer questions specific to their loan.

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10. Middle initials
If the signer doesn’t want to sign with their middle initial, politely tell them that they need to sign the way their name reads on title otherwise their loan might not fund.

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11. How long to wait for return calls
If you try to reach one of the contact people for the loan such as Title, Loan Officer, Lender, etc., and they do not answer, try to give them a reasonable amount of time to respond. Twenty minutes to an hour seems reasonable.

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12. Dress for success.
People get very put off if you do not dress like a business professional. Business casual or business formal is fine. Avoid jeans and definitely don’t wear flip flops, shorts, bathing suits, heavy makeup, short skirts, or night club apparel. Signers get in trouble all the time for not dressing for success.

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13. Don’t bring your kids.
Believe it or not, some Notaries will bring their family to the signing. This is very intrusive and rude. Either keep your family at home, or in the car, but don’t bring them to the signing.

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14. Don’t complain.
Don’t tell the customers how bad certain signing companies are or who didn’t pay you. Keep your personal business personal. It makes a terrible impression if you talk about this stuff.

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15. Don’t give opinions about the loan.
The worst thing a Notary can do is to give an opinion, especially a negative opinion about a loan. You can get fired, blacklisted or even sued because of this. Some borrowers might cancel their loan because you told them they were getting ripped off.

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16. Following instructions
If you were asked to sign in blue, then sign in blue. If you were asked to start at page four, just do it, don’t explain or make excuses, just follow instructions. If you are asked to fax back page 1 to 28, don’t complain, just do it.

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17. If you make a mistake
If you make a mistake as a Notary, you might have to go back out there and fix the mistake. So, don’t keep people waiting. Go back out there and clean up after yourself.

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18. The grace period
As a Notary, you might be asked to answer emails after a job is done. There might be a problem, error, or just an inquiry. If you don’t answer your email or phone because you are on vacation or just don’t feel like it, that can cause a big problem.

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Notary Etiquette 104 — The initial call

Filed under: Etiquette — Tags: — admin @ 11:27 am

Return to Table of Contents for – Notary Etiquette 104

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1. Introduce yourself
Introduce yourself properly by phone when you answer the initial call to hire you. “This is June of June’s Notary Service” is a lot better than, “Hullo?” High-brow clients will judge you by how you answer the phone, so answer like a professional if you want to be treated like one.

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2. Answer questions the way they were asked.
If someone asks what your hours are, tell them your beginning and ending times. Don’t say “it depends” and don’t be vague. Give them a clear picture of your availability without making them ask again. If someone asks how many loans you have signed, don’t give them a summary of your professional background, just give them a quick number. If someone asks if you are still in business, don’t tell them you are eating dinner or on vacation, just tell them that you are still in business. Just answer the question.

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3. No background noise
Screaming children, televisions, or people talking in the background sound unprofessional. You need to turn the TV off, go into the next room where there is no noise, and apologize if there is any noise. That is called being professional. If you are in a restaurant, there might not be much you can do, so at least let the caller know where you are and that you cannot do anything about the noise at least for the time being.

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4. Don’t scramble information
Asking people to repeat endlessly is horrible. If your phone is horrible, get a new one rather than accuse the other person of breaking up. If someone asks if you can do a notarization for two signers on three documents, don’t repeat it back to them as, “Okay, three signers on how many documents?” That is called scrambling information and sounds ignorant.

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5. Don’t brag
Notary Signing Agents have the desire to overprove themselves. The secret is to make a good impression by being helpful and not shoving your credentials down someone’s throat. It also makes a good impression to ask a few relevant questions about the type of signing or document. Asking a few pertinent questions looks professional. Show the world how good you are without trying. Just politely and calmly answer people’s questions and they will get the impression you are a seasoned pro and not an overanxious newbie.

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6. Act calm
Acting calm and helpful is a lot better than acting anxious and overly helpful or overly unhelpful. People get put off by desperate or unfriendly behavior. Seasoned signers normally act calm. Signers that are over-seasoned are too calm because they don’t care if they get the job because they want to retire, so don’t be too nonchalant either.

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7. Speak clearly and listen
There is nothing worse than a Notary who mumbles or speaks unclearly. With such Notaries you have to keep asking for clarification as to what they said. And what’s worse, when southerners say the word “bell” it sounds like “bail” and you have to ask them if they meant b.e.l.l. or b.a.i.l… Why can’t we all just be Yankees? Then, there are the Notaries who aren’t paying attention who have to ask you to repeat half of what you say. They are very unpleasant to work with, so please listen carefully when talking to clients.

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8. Confirmation calls
During the confirmation call, it is practical to ask the borrower to prepare for the signing by having a clean dining room table, have animals out of reach, children taken care of, and no noise. Make sure all parties will be there early, have identification, and have any documents or checks going back to the lender or title. It is better if the borrower leaves their outside light on so the Notary can find the house more easily.

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9. Answering machines
Your answering machine should not have unprofessional sounding music. I cannot say what unprofessional music sounds like. Some people have Vivaldi that is just too loud while others have hip hop music. Just be sensitive to how this music would sound to a hiring party and use your judgment.

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10. Grammar
Do you use bad grammar? It don’t matter. Well, actually it does. People judge you in all sorts of ways, so try to use proper grammar as that is part of etiquette.

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December 20, 2018

Beginner Notaries 103 — Notary Etiquette

Filed under: Etiquette — admin @ 1:24 pm

Notary Etiquette
Return to Table of Contents for – Beginner Notaries 103

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New Notaries and experienced Notaries alike have a very poor sense of Notary etiquette. It is common for people to complain about small things and not communicate well. We are going to publish a course on Notary etiquette. But, here are some of the main points you should understand.

1. Answering questions the way they were asked
Most Notaries cannot give straight answers to questions. This is a sign of poor self-discipline and a scrambled mental state. If someone asks how many loans you have signed, most Notaries tell you how many years and tell their life story. This is annoying and is bad manners. Just give the person a number. If someone asks what counties you serve, don’t tell them your whole pricing strategy for each county, just tell them your counties. If they want pricing information they can ask.

2. Answer the phone stating your name.
Too many people answer the phone saying, “hullo?” It is unprofessional. Others say, “Why are you calling me on a Sunday?” Don’t do that. Be professional. Others answer the phone while answering a question to the person standing next to them. This behavior can be alienating to the caller as you don’t know who the recipient is talking to.

3. Don’t have family members answer your phone.
It is annoying and confusing when someone else answers your phone for you. If they don’t state their name, the caller won’t even know they are not talking to you and might start a long conversation with the long person.

4. Don’t have noise when you answer the phone
No Mortgage professional wants to have their conversation with you interrupted because of your screaming kids. If you are in a restaurant, apologize about the noise and explain to them where you are. Hopefully they will understand.

5. Don’t fail to answer calls in a signing
If you don’t answer calls in a signing, nobody will be able to reach you. Unless you signed a contract saying you won’t answer calls, answer your phone otherwise how will you get your next job?

6. Don’t answer the phone and then refuse to talk
If you answer the phone, give the person calling a minute or two to state why they are calling and let them ask a quick question or two. If you answer the phone and interrupt the caller only to tell them that you can’t talk — you should not have answered in the first place. It is rude and annoying to do such a thing.

7. Get documents back to the company fast.
Know your local FedEx stations and UPS stops. Get packages back as soon as you can. Nobody wants to find out that their package is in your trunk four days after the fact. They also don’t want to hear that you missed FedEx pickup because you waited until the last minute, got a last minute job, and then forgot to drop the package as a result. Drop it like it’s hot.

8. Accept criticism
Most Notaries think they are so knowledgeable and can do no wrong. But, get very hostile when anyone criticizes them. In real life agencies that list you or hiring parties might criticize you. Take it as constructive criticism and learn from it. Don’t argue and don’t be hostile.

9. Don’t brag
Nothing is worse than a Notary who has to prove to you have great they are and rambles on about how much experience they have. I ask people simple questions such as, “How many loans have you signed?” Instead of getting an answer, I get a long rambling session about how their husband works in Escrow and I learned so much from him over the years and I even attended a signing with him. You can offer to explain your level of experience to someone, but don’t just start bragging and talking nonstop. It is rude, unprofessional and makes you come across as undisciplined and inconsiderate. Be polite and answer the questions that were asked to you.

10. Dress appropriately
Business attire is what you should wear to a signing. Believe it or not, even experienced Notaries show up in flip flops, night club attire, mini skirts, or bring their screaming kids to a signing. You will get fired if you don’t dress the part, so dress like a business person and act like one too.

11. Confirm the signing
Let people know who you are, when you are going to arrive. Call if you are going to be late, etc. You can go over directions as well and it is not a bad idea to know how their name reads on the ID before you drive over.

12. Don’t park in the driveway.
The driveway is for the borrowers or signers to park. You can park on the street unless you are invited to park in the driveway. They might need that spot in their driveway and they might not appreciate the fluids you leak onto their driveway either.

Those are the basics. Read our etiquette course for more.

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October 17, 2018

When are Notaries rude to title companies?

Filed under: Etiquette — Tags: — admin @ 11:42 am

I wrote an article a few months ago stating that if you are rude to Jeremy (that’s me) that you are probably rude to title. I got lots of hateful responses. The point is that Notaries used the excuse that since I was not paying them, that they had the right to be rude to me and also that I was rude. But, I am only rude to people who provoke the hell out of me — which includes a long list of people.

But, this week, I talked to a few people who worked at signing and title companies to get the truth from their point of view. Here is what I found out.

Company 1.
A person who used to work in title for years told me that Notaries were regularly rude to people working in title, but that problem was no greater than any other problem they had.

Company 2
Another person who had worked in escrow as an assistant claimed that she had not heard of Notaries being rude to title officers. Hmm. A completely different story.

Company 3
This third person owned a small signing company in Arizona. He claimed that Notaries were rude to him, but only when he confronted them with something they did wrong that they were unwilling to take responsibility for. He confirmed my complaint that Notaries by and large make claims to be amazing, and are very unwilling to acknowledge their flaws or mistakes.

Summary
It seems to me that the reason for rudeness on the part of Notaries is coming from the same place as the self-promoting lies that Notaries tell. Most Notaries I deal with go on and on about how great they are, how much experience they have and how they never make mistakes. This is not only phony sounding, a pain in the neck (and ear) but a snow job. People who hire Notaries can see through the nonsense very quickly. When I ask people how many loans they have signed, 70% of people will give me a very long story about their career without answering my question which is a headache that I have to endure every time I do welcome calls. This type of bragging and not following instructions by answering the question the way it was asked is coming from the same place that the rudeness is coming from. A lack of modesty and a childish and confrontational attitude.

It would be better if Notaries would just answer questions as they were asked, adopt a more modest attitude about their work, study harder, and accept the fact that they are not perfect and that others in hiring or evaluative positions will scrutinize them. It is childish to assume that you are perfect and immature to get hostile if someone criticizes you. Expect criticism and accept it. In fact, you would be a better notary if you would hold yourself to higher standards.

If Notaries would scrutinize themselves and spend more time learning in a cautious and meticulous way, there would be less for others to criticize about them. This is a profession and there is no reason not to study. Only about 1% of our Notaries on board are willing to study on their own initiative. It should be 50% at least. Accepting the fact that even though you might have a lot of years on the job that there might be a lot you don’t know that you need to know would be another act of self-honesty and modesty.

I am not saying you should go through life berating yourselves, but the attitude of most Notaries is that of an immature show-off who cannot tolerate criticism. That kind of behavior and attitude is not professional and not attractive to hiring parties. If someone in a higher position than you says that you did something wrong or don’t know something you need to, rather than fight with them, accept their words as valuable input — because it is valuable input that might keep you from getting fired or locked up one day. Try to see things from a bigger perspective. And if you don’t like me berating you, then most of you need to act a lot more professional. If you acted professional as a group, there would be no reason to berate you in the first place.

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You might also like:

The way you treat Jeremy might be the same way you treat title
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19590

Attn. Title Companies – what you need to know about 2018 123notary certification.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21065

If you were hiring a notary, what would you look for?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16750

If Donald Trump hired you as a Notary, would you get fired?

If Trump hired you as a Notary, would you get fired?

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September 10, 2018

Compilation of posts about Notary etiquette

Filed under: Compilations,Etiquette — Tags: , — admin @ 9:12 am

Here are some posts about etiquette.
Return to Table of Contents for – Notary Etiquette 104

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Notary Etiquette from Atheist to Zombie
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13718

Borrower Etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2995

Notary Marketing 102 Phone Etiquette
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19764

Notary Etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=300

What do you lose by being short with someone when you answer the phone
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16754

Thank you, Excuse me, I’m sorry
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8882

You lose $37.50 each time you don’t answer the phone
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16562

Dress British Think Yiddish
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8643

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July 9, 2018

How do you handle these phone situations?

Filed under: Etiquette — admin @ 9:43 am

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Notary Situations

and how to handle them.
Notaries should know how to handle these situations, because you can lose clients very easily. Clients do not want to know about your problems or your family. They want you to get a job done professionally. Here are some scenarios Notaries typically screw up.

Screaming kids in the background
You might be used to your kids, but your clients do not want to hear them in the background. If your kids are screaming, train them to be very quiet when you answer the phone or leave the room if they can’t control themselves.

Relatives answering the phone
When you use the, “Hullo???” method of answering the phone, it is impossible to know if you are talking to the correct person. This is unprofessional and makes a horrible impression. Of the Notaries who have lasted on 123notary for ten or more years, very few say hello. The ones who say hello are not professional and generally do not last more than a few years. Everyone who answers your phone has to announce themselves, otherwise get a mobile phone that only you answer. If your three year old answer the phone, this is very unprofessional, however, if they say, “Rutherford residence, this is Brandon” then it becomes more tolerable.

Answering the phone with an alias
If you answer the phone, “Hi, this is Kathy” but your 123notary profile says Andrea and the person says, “May I speak to Andrea.” and you say, “This is her.” This creates a very annoying confusion. The point of having a name is so people know who you are and what to call you. If there are twelve people named John in one home room class at school it becomes confusing. And if you have multiple names that you go by that is confusing. Stick to one name or use an AKA when you answer the phone. “Hi, this is Kathy AKA Andrea.” That way no more confusion.

Answering the phone at a restaurant
If you answer the phone while at a noisy restaurant, it is best if you are able to step out within seconds of answering the call. The first thing you must do upon answering is say, “I am at a busy restaurant and I apologize for the noise. I can step out if you need to talk to me.” If you don’t keep in mind that nobody wants to hear the background noise and have you continually saying, “what, what what?” every time they ask you something, then be considerate and professional and either don’t answer the call, or step out quickly upon answering. Or text the caller and let them know your situation.

Having a bad phone
If you have a bad phone with bad reception, don’t keep making the other person repeat themselves and then yell at them telling them they are breaking up. That is unprofessional and rude. It is YOU that have the bad phone and it is YOU who is breaking up, not the caller. So, invest in a better phone with better reception otherwise you will lose a lot of clients and will have nobody to blame except yourself.

In a signing
Don’t answer the phone only to tell the other person you can’t talk. That is just plain rude. If you can’t talk, don’t answer. If you do answer, give the other party 90 seconds before you get short with them — hear them out, and be considerate. After the clock strikes a minute and a half, then let them ,know that you cannot talk any more because you are at a signing.

Between signings
If you just got out of a signing, are between signings or are on your way to a signing and refuse to talk to someone, that is rude. If you are at a signing, there is a reason not to talk long. But, if you are between signings and someone calls about business and you tell them you are busy — then, they will have to call you back, but they will reach you at another signing when they call back. If you are impossible about talking to people you will lose half your business.

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You might also like:

Notary Marketing 102: Phone & Communication Etiquette
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19764

How do you negotiate fees correctly over the phone?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16757

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January 31, 2018

What types of questions should we be asking Notaries?

Filed under: Etiquette,Popular on Facebook (A little) — admin @ 11:12 am

I know I know — since you are paying me, therefore you can commit bloody murder and I should not even utter one word about it. But, that is not true. If you do bad service for our users, then you are causing damages to my business – so your knowledge level and performance is my business! But, once again, we ask Notaries questions routinely, but what should we be asking?

Questions about following directions
Questions regarding tricky scenarios
Notary technical questions including certificates, oaths, journals, rules, identification
Document related questions
Higher level complicated questions that we only ask for the elite.

Do you guys have suggestions for what matters to you if you work in title? What do you think I should ask? What do you ask Notaries when you hire them? I strongly recommend asking a few questions to see if the Notary is a dimwit or is capable of thinking and communicating clearly (a rarity.)

Your input is valued. Thanks.

You might also like:

Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853

Notary Aptitude Test 2
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17065

Notary Quiz of the Day
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21266

Notary Jeopardy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14557

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April 12, 2016

Handling Aggressive Callers

Filed under: Etiquette,Ken Edelstein — Tags: , — admin @ 2:45 am

Handling Aggressive Callers
Perhaps it’s because I live in New York City. Fortunately, the aggressive caller is really a rare event. But, they do occur and it can be a challenge to handle the call. Some want to transfer their problem to a notary, others have exploitation in mind. The worst, due to upbringing or position are used to having things precisely their own way. As notaries we facilitate, within the bounds of reality and legality, their objectives. But, that does not require us to be manipulated.

Our fees are often a point of contention. Some, used to going to the bank and obtaining free services consider mobile notaries on Sunday to be appropriate replacements. Blithely ignoring the fact that expenses and time are incurred going to them, the often demand free or trivial charges. I have been told that as a “public servant” it is my “duty” to acquiesce to outrageous demands. Well, I for one am not any kind of “servant”. It’s a challenge to communicate with these people, but that is what we must do.

Don’t throw gasoline on the fire! An indignant or hostile response to aggression will only escalate the problem. Professional prize fighters know to deflect a punch, redirecting its energy away from them. In a similar manner providing an alternative (to you) notary service often works. I generally suggest the office of the County Clerk – in NY State they notarize at no charge. Be helpful. Even if you do not want this particular client; you can still provide them with some procedural information. It’s not legal advice to suggest they bring Govt. issued photo ID to some other notary. Being helpful will diminish the other persons rage.

Don’t take the bait to respond in kind. Assume a recording device is in use. Make sure that what you say on the phone is accurate and polite. Many “rabble rousers” will quickly disappear when they realize you are not taking the bait. A calm flat professional tone of voice, devoid of emotion works wonders. I have a standard reply for “semi-insulting” comments. I tell them “thank you for sharing your opinion”. Of course true screaming profanity receives an instant hang up.

I had one nut on a vendetta. That person called me 9 times, insisting that I explain in detail the procedure to process an Apostille. After the third call I started a log. With each subsequent call my only response was that I am logging the date and time and my request to not call again. Also, that I would file a criminal complaint for harassment with the police. Now I have Extreme Call Blocker software on the phone. Duds connect for half a second, and then the call is disconnected.

It’s all about being in control of the call; which of course starts with being in control of yourself. I have found that silence on my part often works well. Eventually they say “are you there”? A response of “I was listening carefully to what you had to say and was waiting for when you would give me an opportunity to respond”, politeness does defeat hostility.

There are many possible reasons that you cannot continue to remain on a hopeless call. Perhaps you have a call from France on hold, or you might be booked for the next few days. Generally, the less you say the better. Sometimes frankness works. One aggressive caller chided me for not having a walk in facility. “You are supposed to”. I responded my revenue would not pay Manhattan rent, it was just economically unfeasible. But, sometimes the “devil” on my shoulder gets the better of me. “The only way I could provide you a walk in facility is if you pay the rent!”

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You might also like:

Unilateral commitments in the Notary profession
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15812

Notary Respect
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15367

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March 27, 2015

Notary Etiquette from Atheist to Zombie

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Etiquette,Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 6:41 am

AKA: How to be polite when you’re in Affix!

Atheist etiquette
If you are notarizing an Atheist and he/she sneezes, don’t say God bless you.

Don’t sell people’s signatures
If you are notarizing a celebrity — Don’t rip out the portion of your journal with their autograph on it and sell it on ebay. That is considered to be bad manners in certain circles and is also a violation of notary law! Don’t sell your roommate’s notary seal on ebay either.

Don’t second guess family relations.
If you notarize who you think is the guy’s mother, but the woman is the guy’s wife, keep it to yourself. I once asked a guy, if I was going to notarize his mother, then he said, “That’s my wife.” — awkward… Oh, and don’t ask people if they are lesbian lovers even if you are asked to notarized an affidavit of domicile. Let them volunteer that information if they care to do so.

Guns & Religion
If you bring a gun to a signing, don’t talk about other loaded subjects like religion. On the other hand, if you go to a signing in a church, circumvent the issue of circumcision. If the phone rings during a Church signing, if it ain’t Jesus, don’t answer it.

If you are doing a signing for a hunter, should you bring up guns?
It’s worth a shot!

Tips for Notarizing Assassins
Avoid asking an assassin any direct questions such as, “What do you do?” Rather, ask more roundabout open ended questions, such as, “Have you done anything interesting recently with your career?” After all, if their deeds were done in some African country, they can speak freely in the United States about it with no fear of an awkward moment at a party.
If you make a mistake notarizing an assassin, don’t say, “SHOOT!”
If you are doing a signing for an assassin, make sure you include their middle name in the document.
I once asked an assassin, what is the difference between a murder and an assassination — where do you draw the line?

Loud televisions
Instead of bluntly asking someone to turn the TV down, you can say, “It’s very hard to hear you — did you say you liked your rate, or that you were having trouble staying awake?”
If you are mumbling under your breath, “What an idiot” in the context of asking someone to turn their TV down: make sure you say that with a safe margin of error before they actually turn the TV down.
If an elderly relative is watching a loud television. Politely let them know that you don’t want to let them know that you don’t want to become as deaf as they evidently are.

Notary Notes Sections
Rather than write the regular stuff in your notes section, you could write, “I will never insult the borrower, and I have a policy against parking in people’s lawns.”

Going to the bathroom in an outhouse
Notaries should never make a signer feel uncomfortable about having an outhouse. You should gracefully address the issue, but only if you actually are forced by natural causes to use that infrastructure. “I just loved the quarter moon in your outhouse, how quaint.”
“I just loved the latest issue of Outhouse & Gardens that I read while I was doing my business.”

Signings with beautiful women
If they ask you to do a Deed, it will be far more disappointing than doing “The Deed.”

Tips for Notarizing Zombies
It is considered bad manners for the notary to participate in the chanting, especially after they bring out the dead chicken, unless given express permission, otherwise it might cancel out the curse. Never tell a zombie that they look deathly ill — rather, tell them that they look deathly well. If you are having a zombie swear to the authenticity of a curse, it might be wiser to have the swear to a written version of the curse verbiage rather than to have them do a completely sworn Oath (otherwise you might become cursed or start hearing voices.) If asked to notarize a zombie’s death certificate, rather than claiming that it is against notary law to do so, ask them, “Which one?”

Popular Zombie Documents
It is common to have a formal Affidavit of transfer of Custodianship of Soul. This is where the zombie officially grants Power of Attorney to the “Bokor” or sorceror to have full control over their soul and body (or what’s left of it.) Please be advised that many zombies only have half a soul.

If a zombie commits perjury, it is punishable by life in prison. But, it is not stipulated which soul will inhabit the body during the sentence.

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You might also like:

Borrower etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2995

Notary etiquette from A to Z
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=300

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