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January 18, 2011

Notarizing an I-9 employment verificati​on document

Filed under: Legal Issues,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall,Technical & Legal — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 8:14 am

Have you ever notarized an I-9 before? If it were me, I would ask an Attorney, the Secretary of State, or Immigration if a notary public could notarize this form. If you are a notary, the most important thing to do is to clarify that you are NOT an Attorney, and can not give legal advice. Also clarify that you are not an immigration expert and can not advise on matters pertaining to immigration either.

But, it is not generally illegal to notarize a signature on a document.

Have any of you had to notarize an I-9 before?
How about a K-9?

Tweets:
(1) Ask an Attorney if a Notary can notarize an I-9 employment verification document.

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January 17, 2011

Two and a half notaries! A Notarization Experience

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 4:44 am

This is a story about a happy notary in Malibu named Charlie. He lived with his brother Sam and his brother’s son Kevin.

Charlie: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kevin: A Notary of course — ANYTHING BUT!
Charlie: Don’t knock until you try it
Kevin: All you guys do is stamp your dumb stamp on dumb documents.
Charlie: True, but it has its perks. That’s how I met Monica!
Kevin: Good point! Charlie notarizes Monica — Ooooh!

Sam: Hey, wait a second, I was dating Monica. I REFERRED her to you!
Charlie: Correct — you WERE dating Monica. And by the time we finished the Oath verbiage, she had forgotten all about you, so help you God!
Sam: Hey, that’s not fair, I’m never referring another of my friends to you ever again.
Charlie: Relax, it was all over within days. I gave her a 3-day right to rescind our relationship, and then I didn’t call her back.
Sam: That is JUST like you.

Kevin: Hey, what’s the difference between a Notarization, and a Notarization experience?
Charlie: Oh, about $1500

Maid: Keep your ink off the counters. By the way, I’m taking three days off this week. Tell Monica I said hi.
Sam: What? I thought you said it was over?
Charlie: I never said it wasn’t. For me it’s over. For her I don’t know. By the way, who is that person who keeps calling and then keeps hanging up?
Maid: I had the number traced. It seems to be coming from Topanga. Isn’t that where Monica was from?
Charlie: Oh brother.

(ring ring)
Maid: Hey Charlie, it’s for you. It’s a customer. Natalia. She sounds nice, you better take it.
Charlie: Hey Natalia. Are you up for another notarization with Vodka?
Natalia: Am I ever. Bring your notary stamp and your notary bond with you darling.
Charlie: I’ll be right over. Oh, but this time, let’s have the vodka AFTER the signing.
Natalia: Anything you like, just as long as — you — are there!
Charlie: I figure if we can remember to do the signing first, then after we have the vodka it won’t matter what we remember, because we won’t remember!
Natalia: 8 — sharp. don’t be late!

Tweets:
(1) 2 & a half notaries: What’s the difference between a notarization and a notarization experience?
(2) 2 & a half notaries: Find out what happens when Charlie notarizes Natalia and then have vodka afterwards!

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January 15, 2011

Advice to new notaries: Interview with a Veteran Notary

Filed under: General Articles,Popular on Linked In — Tags: , — admin @ 8:20 am

I love doing loans signings, and have done them for ten years. I have been in Real Estate for 30 years, but I like the loan signings better. I’ve met all kinds of people, and the NSA has a chance to help them all.

RE new NSAs: Notaries have to know when to keep their mouth shut. If there is something on the loan docs the borrower wants to know about, always give them a general answer– but if you say the wrong thing, forget it!
For instance, a notary could say “I can get you a better interest rate!” But we don’t know why those figures are there– why the person has the rate he/ she has. Don’t comment! That particular loan can fold. But the notary may not know the workings of the escrow to get it to that point. ALWAYS have the borrowers contact the Loan Officer. I am old enough to know that if that borrower is so upset, I can handle it.

You can look around the home and know how to handle the signing. For example, at Christmas, I went to a home where the borrower was disgusted. They were packing to go on a trip, and a lot of things were set up to go. They had a baby. That tells me “Say some reassuring things.” I mother them. The loan had taken 7 months, and it was Christmas eve day. It had taken so long! I told her I understood, and that I could leave if she wanted me to. She saw I was experienced and that I cared, and she calmed down and signed. She might not have signed for another notary.

One time a borrower did not show for about 30 mins– there was a girlfriend living in the house, and there was a wife– the man was buying her out! I had to tell them to stop the bad language, and she was also afraid that he was going to take all the money. I said “I’m out of here”— but then they calmed down and signed. A new notary would have panicked and left. But I got them to sign: their marriage was over, and they needed the money. I did a reverse mortgage for a man who sold Fuller Brush. The man wanted to read it all– three hours! I looked around the house, and he had nothing there! He didn’t even have enough income to support himself and his disabled son. I knew he needed the loan and I let him read. I asked him “Do you know what I just read?” He didn’t. I had to make him understand what the APR is (briefly; a generic answer–like you have on 123notary–in the Ninja book.) After the signing, he came to the house and handed my daughter a $50 gift certificate. He was so grateful. This was years ago.

Every situation is different. You need to adapt to that situation. You are doing the borrower a disservice if you just point and sign.
You should also never backdate. There is always someone who will talk if you do something wrong. The only person who is not going to talk is me. But you can never trust the company not to come back to blame you in the future–so don’t backdate!

These borrowers are real people– not just numbers. Be sure you know about the documents!
Instead of taking low-ball offers — take a course and study the loan documents! This will give you a lot of business. You do not need to take low offers to start out. Your printer and computer, phone, car insurance, gas– all these come out of what you make. You can’t print and do all this and do a loan for $60.

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Interview with Timios title
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Dumb and Dumberer for Notaries

Filed under: Movie Themes,Popular on Linked In — Tags: — admin @ 8:15 am

Harry and Lloyd set out to become notaries. Little did society (or the county clerk) know that they would be the dumbest notaries in human recorded history.

HARRY: I just got my new notary stamp.

LLOYD: Don’t forget to lick the stamp before you use it.

HARRY: Ha! I’m already ahead of you, my friend. (Sticking out tongue and revealing indented tongue from embosser.)

LLOYD: (sticking out his tongue) No, you’re not. I licked your notary stamp first!

HARRY: Ewwww. That means I licked where your tongue already was.

LLOYD: Ewwww.

HARRY: Hey, I’m going to my first notary assignment tomorrow. Wanna come for moral support and tips?

LLOYD: I guess. But, why do I have to tip you if you’re doing the job for someone else?

(at the assignment)

SAMANTHA: Thanks so much for coming. It’s so hard to find a Notary at the last minute.

HARRY: It’s the last minute?!!! Oh no, we’re all going to die!!!!

SAMANTHA: It’s a figure of speech. There will be other minutes.

LLOYD: Oooh. Pretty… and smart!

(Harry had Samantha sign the journal inside the book cover like an autograph. Then he attached a certificate to the documents. He wasn’t sure if Samantha was a guy or a chick, so he crossed on the he/she/they, used white out and wrote “it” in handwriting. What a dumb thing to do.)

HARRY: Done!

LLOYD: Aren’t you forgetting something?

HARRY: Oh yeah… (he licks his stamp after he affixed it. Luckily Samantha was too dumb to know the difference)

SAMANTHA: Thanks so much. I might need help next week with a lien.

HARRY & LLOYD: We’re good at that — watch this. (they both lean, bracing themselves against the wall.)

SAMANTHA: And a Quaker friend will need a notarization with an Oath.

HARRY: No problem. I’ll bring a box of them!

(The next day, a call came in from Dave who needed a notary for his Affidavit of Statute of Limitations for his Attorney) In looking up Harry’s profile, he noticed he’d written that he was a hard worker and had a professional misdemeanor.

DAVE: Hi, I’ll need a Notary. Can you meet me in the park for the notarization? It’s near my Attorney’s office.

HARRY: Your attorney lives in a park? Cool! I know this great fountain where we can meet.

(They both arrive. At the fountain where there is a statue)

DAVE: I’m so glad you could help. Here’s my document.

HARRY: Document? I already did the work, dude. See my seal over there? It’s on the statue of limitations. It was hard to find a clean spot next to all the bird droppings. Maybe that’s why it’s so limited. The person assigned to keep it clean is also limited if you ask me.

DAVE: What? You birdbrain!

HARRY: Thanks! Not that I’m smart enough to crap on a statue.

(The third day, he did a notarization for Luke)

HARRY: Okay Luke, you called for Quaker oats, and I brought you two boxes. Wanna warm some up?

LUKE: No Harry, I didn’t want Quaker Oats, I wanted Quaker Oaths.

HARRY: Oh, so that’s the part of the manual I read wrong. Let me get my hat. Okay, now swear.

LUKE: That’s not how it’s done. I’ve been to many notaries before.

HARRY: So, how do you do an Oath? This is my first commission, and probably my last if I don’t get suspended or held back a year.

LUKE: You start by asking a question, like, do you swear that you agree to the terms in this agreement?

HARRY: Do, I &%$-ing swear to agree to the &%#-ing terms in your &$#-ing agreement? I &%#-ing do swear!

LUKE: It’s not that kind of swearing, it’s the type of swearing like when you swear to tell the truth.

HARRY: Ohhhh. Well, I &%$-ing do swear to tell the &*$%-ing truth.

LUKE: I also need a Will notarized.

LLOYD: And a way?

LUKE: A way to notarize the will?

LLOYD: Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Here’s something I never got about legal documents. If there’s a will, why isn’t there also a won’t?

HARRY: Because they won’t want a Won’t — that’s why they call it “Won’t.”

LLOYD: Oh, that actually kind of makes sense.

HARRY: Okay, anything else?

LUKE: I heard that you could do e-signatures too?

HARRY: No, I don’t mess with that. I heard some Notary dude got electrocuted doing an e-signature. I saw a picture of him in the paper with his hair all frizzled. That’s a “don’t try this at home” type of notarization.

LUKE: Okay, thanks.

(The fourth day, they were asked to help sign a loan. The loan docs were late, so Harry took matters into his own hands.)

HARRY: What are the documents supposed to be in a loan?

LLOYD: Well, there is a Deed. So, we could do a Deed. Then there’s the Note. I have a note from my gym teacher saying I’m not fit to play volleyball. And if they don’t like that, I have this G# I lifted from music class. There is a Right to Cancel too. I could draw that up on my computer. Then, there is a HUB. I could bring the hub cap that’s been sitting on the corner for about a week. Here, help me. I want to put all of this in a box so we’ll be prepared.

HARRY: Lloyd — you’re the greatest friend a guy could have! And one of the smartest, and most prepared friends too!

LLOYD: If a smart guy like you thinks so, it must be true!

.

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January 14, 2011

Don’t ask for a review at the wrong time

Filed under: Popular on Facebook (A little),Reviews — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:14 pm

Notaries are notorious for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Title companies are even worse when sending e-documents is concerned. How can the world keep spinning around on schedule while everybody on earth is so uncoordinated?

When, I lecture Notaries about how they need to ask for reviews, the timing is very important. Some ask too many people at once and then don’t do it again for three years. They’ll have three reviews on the same date that look like they wrote them. Take this advice instead. See how it’s done.

BORROWER: Gee, I love your work. You are the best Notary we’ve ever had!

NOTARY: Really? … I mean, thanks. Nobody has ever said that to me before.. I mean — I get that all the time.

BORROWER: Oh. Well, you explained everything to us nicely, showed up on time, and didn’t discuss politics like that “other” Notary who talked for two hours about how he didn’t like Obama-care.

NOTARY: Hmm. Well, it’s either that or Trump-care, whatever that is. By the way, 123notary has a review feature that’s easy to use. If others see that I have a realistic review or two on my profile, that would help so much. Would you mind writing a quick review for me? I can email you a link to my review page.

BORROWER: Sure, just don’t sell my email to an outsourced service abroad or Trump will tax you. My email is borrower2015@gmail.com

NOTARY: Got it. I will send you an email right now from my i-phone.

BORROWER: I bet Jeb Bush wants to put implants in those i-phones.

NOTARY: Actually, it is Obama who’s Obama-care manifesto of hundreds of pages who discussed implants. The senators didn’t read that part carefully or they probably wouldn’t have voted for it.

BORROWER: Between Trump and Ahmedanijan, I think we’re all doomed.

NOTARY: I agree. I just can’t believe that “other” Notary would bring up these topics at a signing though.

BORROWER: Ooops, just got an email. There it is…. let’s click on the link here. Yes, we just can’t figure out why he would be the one to bring up politics at a signing, especially at a signing where both signers have been registered democrats since we were of voting age — actually, card carrying registered democrats. Why, we wouldn’t vote for a republican if you paid us to, or offered us a break in our tax bracket. Hmmm. Let’s write something in the review. It wants my name, email, and a comment. Okay…

“Sam the Notary was excellent. He showed up on time and explained everything to us. Thank God he wasn’t like that ‘other’ Notary who showed up late and then had the audacity to discuss politics throughout the entire signing. Good God!”

BORROWER: Okay, your review has been published. Just wait for Jeremy to approve the message and it will go live.

NOTARY: How do you know the process?

BORROWER: Well, it’s a long story. You see my psychic whose name is Sam also told us that a Notary would come to our house. Sam the psychic is also a registered democrat by the way and swears by Obama-care. Anyway, he told us the entire procedure. We were just relieved to know that a Notary who was helpful would come to rescue us. I just loved your service. In fact, I love it so much, I wish Obama would create a new system called Notary-care.

NOTARY: Hmm. That sounds good. Like a dental plan. You pay every month, get penalized if you don’t pay, and then you can use a Notary who is on the list of acceptable Notaries, but you have to make a co-payment, and fill out twenty forms. I agree. That would make the world easier, and a better place, not to mention reducing the chance of Notaries getting involved in political discussions with borrowers.

BORROWER: Yes. And you know what’s funny? The Notary before that “other” Notary also had the nerve to discuss politics with us. What is it with these people?

NOTARY: I’m not sure, but I’m going to email Jeremy to add a new field on his database. A new search function where you can choose the political affiliation of the Notary. For you, I really feel you are better off with a democrat who doesn’t discuss politics at the signing.

BORROWER: My sentiments exactly.

COMMENTARY: On the other hand, if the borrower doesn’t praise your Notary work. Don’t bother them asking for a review because it won’t happen!

.

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5 or 6 reviews doubles your business
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January 13, 2011

Notary Jobs: None Bad, All Bad, Some Good

Filed under: Ken Edelstein,Notary Fees & Pricing,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: — admin @ 12:23 pm

Notary Jobs: None Bad, All Bad, Some Good
As is often the case I use an unusual title to perk your interest in my current installment. This one focuses on what assignments you actually accept. Yes, it’s you who determines what you do. They make “offers” you have the final decision. Of course when they “walk in” to a place of public accommodation your local laws probably prohibit you from refusing service without a good reason. But, as mobile notaries; our assignments are generally offered over the phone or via email; we are free to accept or decline.

Actually reaching an agreement to None is bad for business; you will have no revenue. If you are a mobile notary that’s probably not the situation you are looking for. The reverse is also true. Accepting All offers, though sometimes tempting; will in the long run be bad for your “bottom line”. A lowballer will never forget your acceptance of a 55$ edoc fee. “Once they see how good a job I do they will be willing to pay more” – that’s a pipe dream.

So, most of us live in the land of Some. Prior installments have discussed the often humorous aspect of some tendered offers. Hopefully, or should it be hopelessly; few of us are willing to drive 150 miles, in the middle of the night, thru a snowstorm; for the princely sum of 75$. Offers of that type remind me of a phrase used when I worked at a brokerage firm with a pet bull. “The cows may come and the cows may go; but the bull is here to stay”.

We need to actively filter the call/email to determine, quickly, the essence of the offer. If you don’t know the what, when and where; merely knowing the dollar amount, is inadequate to make the accept or decline decision. Unless, of course, the offer is for a very low dismissible fee. You need to get the real specifics, nothing can be vague, and nothing can be assumed. I once accepted an offer “in New York” assuming they were referring to within the city. Nope, they wanted me several hundred miles north of the city, hours away. Was it a misunderstanding? Or bull?

Be it misunderstanding, or bull, or a “change” in the specifications; how do you respond. What would be your reaction to the following scenario? They offer your standard rate for an edoc that is not too far from you. They say it’s about 125 pages and there are no special requirements (because you asked). You receive the confirmation and await the docs. Finally the docs arrive and the top page stresses the need to print 3 sets of the 185 page package. One set is for borrower. The other two sets are to be fully executed, and both faxed back “for approval” and when approved a pair of FedEx labels will be sent for shipment. You are also required to remain with the borrower until your faxing is approved. Probably the SS did not know the additional tasks, and, let’s assume relayed accurately all they knew.

Are you stuck with a wet baby on your lap? Of course not, it’s “bounce back” time; or they must greatly increase the fee. I would require an immediate PayPal full payment; fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. It’s very hard to actually receive at a later date a fee that was raised from the initial offer. The “miscommunications” is not your fault, or problem.

Thus, even when you take care to select Some, bad things can happen. It is how you react, and what you now demand (yup demand – if they want you to stick with it); that determines if you will be exploited or paid fairly for the work involved. Don’t let “their” problem become yours.

.

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Who really needs who?

Filed under: Carmen Towles,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , — admin @ 8:34 am

I received a call the other day from a disgruntled signing service. (they will remain nameless). The owner/operator was quite angry. It appeared that a notary he had hired from 123 had called one of his title companies and had some not so nice things to say about him and his company. And now he wanted retribution, demanded it. He wanted this particular notary to be removed immediately from the 123notary website. I told him that we just don’t remove notaries based on one-sided stories. I asked him to provide me with details as to what happened and all I was able to get out of him was that the notary had taken it upon herself to call his title company and was ‘bad mouthing him’. The next question I asked him, was why would she do this? I expressed to him that notaries just don’t exhibit this type of drastic behavior unless something had happened that would cause her to feel that this was her last resort. I never did get an answer. I had my suspicions but kept quiet. 🙂

I told him that I really couldn’t do anything and suggested that he email Jeremy and/or leave a review for this notary on her profile. He didn’t like any of these solutions. He just wanted her taken off. I found the whole thing odd and as our conversation escalated, he says to me, that because of our reluctance to just take her off, it would not be good if other signing services found out we were letting notaries slam them. It would not be good for business. I’m thinking, is this guy serious? He then went on to ask me if I was a notary? Yes, sir. I am a notary. Been a notary now for a total of 14 plus years. He says, “Oh now I understand, all of you notaries think alike”….”Yeah we do, I tell him”. I go on to tell him that none of this sounds right to me and since he refused to tell me what his part in it was, I couldn’t be of much help. It was clear that we would never see things in the same light…..and it was also clear he had something to hide.

Then he says to me something that I will never forget. “If it wasn’t for us (meaning signing services) you guys wouldn’t have any work”. I was like “WHAT”?!?!?!? Are your serious?. I could not believe my ears! I was stunned and shocked. I had to keep what I was really thinking to myself. But I did say; “Do you really believe this? I mean the only reason that title/escrow use signing services is because it is convenient for them”. It was clear he did not like that answer. 🙂 The truth of the matter is that although they may be convenient for title/escrow, no-one really needs signing services but they do need commissioned notary publics who travel. And if every signing company fell off the the face of the earth, the folks in the mortgage industry would still use and need us…and this is a fact. What were they doing before the signing services got on the scene and took over? Calling notaries direct, thats what. And some of them still do call direct. They want that one on one experience.

On that note we ended the conversation as it was going nowhere. And after I hung up I just couldn’t believe that this signing company had the nerve to say this to me and he actually believed this. I think he has got this whole ‘who needs who twisted’ Or he thinks I am pretty stupid…….but even worse, I wonder how many other signing companies believe this nonsense as well?

Like the title says….who really needs who?

Until the next time…be safe!

Tweets:
(1) If the signing companies all fell off the face of the planet, Title companies would call notaries directly.
(2) A notary reported the signing co to the Title company, and the signing company was not happy!
(3) He wanted us to remove a notary. I told him we don’t remove notaries based on one-sided stories
(4) Al: “If it weren’t for us signing services, notaries wouldn’t work!” Carmen thinking: “Is this guy serious?”
(5) The only reason Title/Escrow use signing services is that it is “convenient” for them!
(6) Who really needs who? Do notaries need signing services? Do Title co’s need signing services?

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Notary Public Cures Lying!

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular Overall — Tags: , — admin @ 7:09 am

Being economical with our finances is challenging. Being “economical” with the truth is a snap. That’s because fudging a bit is a byproduct of being all too human. But notary publics shine a light on the signed, sealed and delivered un-stretched truth. Imagine if we navigated the half-truths of life with the added assurance a notary would provide? Imagine no more.

· “It’s not you. It’s me.”

Okay… Before we break up and I draw at least some comfort from the fact I had the misfortune of choosing a partner who wasn’t good enough for me instead of vice versa, would you be willing to sign “It’s not you, it’s me” in front of Jeremy, my 123notary.com truth detector?

“Okay, it is you. Where do I sign?”

Oh well. Thanks for lying. Till a couple seconds ago, that is.

· “We’ll keep your résumé on file.”

And I’ll keep my notarized statement in which you promise to keep my résumé on file… on file.

“We’ll keep your résumé in the nearest circular file till the janitor heaves it. That you can notarize.”

Wow. I’ve been canned before, but never garbage canned.

“Your résumé didn’t mention you’d been canned before.”

You actually read my résumé? I’m honored!

“As I was folding it into a paper airplane, I couldn’t help but notice.”

· Billy “likes” this on Facebook.

And Jeremy at 123notary.com likes the fact you like this, once you let him notarize your thumb up.

“Billy likes avoiding work by killing time on Facebook. That you can notarize.”

Thanks, unfriend.

· “You look great.”

You didn’t tell me that sixty years ago when I was twenty. Why should a bunch of liver spots change things? I won’t believe you till 123notary.com makes it official.

“Don’t forget. When you were twenty, my eyesight was still good. That you can notarize.”

Okay. At least you’ll be able to feel the seal.

· “You’re a wonderful cook.”

Thanks. My dog you’re secretly passing the chicken to under the table seems to agree. Would you mind letting 123notary.com seal the deal and paper on which you praise my culinary skills?

“I was talking about the time you cooked up the whopper about how you can cook. That you can notarize.”

Well, you’ll have to come again sometime. I’m talking to the dog.

· “I’ll call you sometime.”

Yes, you will. If I can have Jeremy at 123notary.com notarize your promise to do just that.

“ ‘I’ll call you a name sometime.’ That you can notarize.”

I’ll be sure to return the call.

· “What a great audience.”

Thanks. After Jeremy from 123notary.com notarizes the cue card off of which you read that, I’ll believe you.

“No problem. Come on up, Jeremy.”

Jeremy affixes his official seal to the cue card. The card is so thick, the seal can’t make it all the way through, rendering the audience less than certifiably great. They start booing, further validating why Jeremy’s seal made less than an impression.

Thanks, you’ve been great readers. Jeremy… can you confirm that?

Andy Cowan is an award-winning writer, producer and performer, whose credits include “Cheers,” “Seinfeld” and “3rd Rock From the Sun.” He can be reached through his website, http://upanddownguys.com

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Honey, I notarized the kids (don’t try this at home)

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Movie Themes,Popular on Linked In,Popular on Twitter 2011,Ultra-Popular — Tags: , — admin @ 6:47 am


We were expecting a notary
It was about nine o’clock. We were expecting a notary at the house to do a refinance. My wife Molly had been away all week. It was an investment property and Molly did not need to be here to sign. The kids would just not go to sleep…

“Why can’t we watch TV anymore?” Joey whined.

“Because someone is coming. Someone from the bank is coming to see us…”

“Who? Do I have to be good? Do I have to stay in my room?”

Joey started chasing Milly around the house… “Joey! Milly! STOP THAT– stop running or the notary monster will notarize you!”

“What’s ‘notarize’? Who does that? What is it?” Milly squeaked.

“The notary has this big clamp. He puts it on the paper we are signing… and if you are not good, he will clamp you with it, too. And it will hurt!”

Joey jumped up and tried to touch the lamp hanging from the ceiling. At that moment, the bulb popped…

“That’s IT!!! You’re done!!!” I yelled. Just then the doorbell rang.

The Notary arrives
I opened the door. It was Mr. Eugene the notary. He was about 5′ tall, with black hair streaked with gray…and he had dark inky circles around his eyes. He carried a notary bag and walked with a limp toward the table. “I’m Mr. Eugene,” he pointed out.

“Eugene– great to meet you. We are going to whip through these documents…but we might also want to notarize these kids,” I winked. But let’s do the signing first.”

We did whip through the documents. He was a thorough notary, and seemed very intent on every detail. When we were done, I asked, “May I see you in my office here?” I led the way…

Would you wear this mask?
I shut the door so we would have a moment away from the kids. “I sort of threatened the kids; they’re really being bad this week… Would you help me ? I made this stamp out of this cardboard…and this costume…I’m going to–would you wear this mask? It will look really scary…”

“I really shouldn’t do this… ” he looked blank.

I decided then and there to be the notary monster myself.
I had cut up an inkpad (I had one from my clerical days) and made a cardboard stamp that read “notarized.” The stamp was 6″ across and looked scary…especially when I inked it up with black ink. I put on the two-headed black monster mask, adjusted it, put on the cloak, grabbed the seal… Mr. Eugene followed me out of the room. He looked worried.

“Where are you kids?” I bellowed in a strange, foreign, angry voice. The stamp said notarized backwards turned like a mirror image…

“No! NO!” yelled the kids, running away from me…” I caught them just as they were headed into the garage… and stamped each of them on their foreheads…then all over their arms and legs…

Just then the phone rang…
Just then the phone rang. It was my wife, Molly. “Honey, I notarized the kids.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. I heard the door slam. It was Mr. Eugene.

“I’ll explain later… I can explain… Don’t call the police.”

Tweets:
(1) Kid: “Do I have to be good?” Mom: “Stop running or that Notary monster will notarize you!”
(2) The stamp said “notarized” backwards turned like a mirror image. The kids were terrified.
(3) I decided then and there to be the notary monster myself.
(4) The notary has this big clamp, and if you’re not good, he’ll clamp you with it, and it will hurt!
(5) I cut up an ink pad and made a cardboard box that read “notarized” backwards like a mirror image.
(6) Frank: “Honey, I notarized the kids.”
Molly: “What do you mean?”
Frank: “I’ll explain later, don’t call the police!”

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January 12, 2011

Notary Jail

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (very) — Tags: — admin @ 12:00 pm

WARDEN: Welcome to Notary Jail — Don’t drop the embosser!
It’s time for mug shots. Turn to the right and say “scilicit” — that’s a notary term. You would know that if you read your Notary handbook. And by the way, selling your notary seal on eBay, was it really worth it?

NOTARY: Hey, I got paid $800 for it. I was in a pinch and needed the money.

WARDEN: Well you won’t have to worry about being behind on rent here!

I think that I am the first person to come up with this concept. Notary jail. Where Notaries go when they’ve been bad. But, most Notaries have been bad, they just didn’t get caught because their secretary of state’s don’t bother to enforce a single law. What is the point of having laws if you don’t enforce them?

Oath Omissions
If you forget to administer an Oath you should be sent to Notary jail and get booked. The first thing they will do is thumbprint you in their journal. Then, they will ask you if you take journal thumbprints. If you say, “My state doesn’t require that.” Then they will put you in solitary confinement. After all, an innocent person could be scammed out of everything they own and the culprit could run free simply because you didn’t take a thumbprint.

ID-ing
If you didn’t ID someone correctly, then a cell in the insane ward would be in order. Since you let John Smith sign as John W Smith, you will also not mind being around five people who are sure that they are Abraham Lincoln.

Loose Certificates
And then there are the people who don’t fill in certificates properly or send loose certificates in the mail. Tisk tisk. The staff at Notary jail will goof on your jail paperwork if you do that and you’ll be in for a long time.

Jail Food?
Oh, and the food at Notary jail? Embossed flat bread sandwiches. You get that nice raised seal embossed pattern on every bite. Then they have a breakfast cereal called frosted mini-seals. Oh, and one more thing. They have soap shaped like a Notary seal. But, don’t drop the soap (or don’t drop the seal.)

Entertainment at Notary jail involves watching television documentaries on the notary profession and NNA how to materials. When they run out of sleeping pills, they have written Notary materials for you to study. The yard outside is shaped like a giant notary seal. You get an hour of outside time per day.

Notary Questions
And if they ask Notary questions in Notary jail, don’t talk back to the guards like you normally do to Jeremy. Just answer questions the way they were asked and you might get time off for good behavior.

Conclusion
In real life, the Notaries who end up in jail are those who committed fraud involving real property. Trying to steal someone’s property and put it in someone else’s name using your Notary commission is the worst crime you can commit.

Then there are the cases where fraud happens that is not the Notary’s fault. Perhaps if the Notary had been more careful filling out the certificates or journal entries it would be easier to prove what happened. But, in such cases, the notary ends up in court, not jail.

If you do end up in Notary jail, you might bump into a few of your Mortgage Broker clients. On the other hand, they have their own jail — Mortgage Jail.

.

Can a Notary go to jail for Notary fraud?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21353

Putting jails and hospitals into your notes section
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19266

Go to jail but DO collect $100
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15361

Find a notary who goes to Twin Towers Jail and other Los Angeles Prisons
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21349

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