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May 1, 2013

We should be setting the fees, not the other way around!

Filed under: Carmen Towles,Popular Overall — Tags: , — admin @ 9:00 am

I was reading on linked-in a thread that was started about a notary wanting to increase her signing agent fees based on gas prices. It was nothing outrageous just a simple $10.00 increase due to the rising fuel costs. This is not unreasonable, or is it?

Unfortunately today, in addition to fuel it seems everything that we use in our profession is rising, from paper, ink, etc., but the signing fees from many signing services are getting lower and lower. And I couldn’t help wonder how this increase or any increase for that matter is going to play out for those of you that choose to raise prices out of shear necessity. I remember back in our heyday when loan signing requests were at there all time high that I personally went to two of my major signing companies and requested ever so humbly that I needed a small fee increase. The response was that although they loved me and my work it was impossible for them to do this. My response was (in a nice but firm tone) that I felt that this was not an unreasonable request and I believed that they could very well increase the travel portion of my notary fee but just did not want to due to to the fact they didn’t want to share the fees any more than they have to. And although I didn’t say it I was thinking that it is was nothing but GREED that was the deciding factor and motivation for them to deny my request. It was at that time I stopped working for signing services at all. And I have never looked back.

So, now unbelievably so, it is 2012 and nothing has changed. From what all of you tell me (and from what I see with my own eyes) things are worse than ever in the fee department. Not to mention they have tacked on more duties that are now required of us, more pages to print, etc. For me it is just so outrageous that we are still allowing these companies to dictate what they will pay us. In my opinion, it should be the other way around. I don’t go in to my doctors office and tell him what I am going to pay for his services. He would definitely think I was nuts and most likely kick my you know what right out of his office. But what is even clearer is that I CAN’T go into anybody’s office requesting services and tell them what I am going to pay them. This is ludicrous. The signing services should take a percentage (lets say 30%) and that it is. After all we DO the bulk of the work. But sadly when working for most signing services we make the least amount of money. How did this come to be and how did it become acceptable to all of us?? When did it become okay for them to set our fees for us? Hell, did anybody ask you if this was ok?… I am positive nobody asked me!

I mean I have never heard of any industry that if independent allows OTHERS to dictate the fee for someones else service. If I have several notaries when calling around marketing or when they get a call requesting service, asking “How much do you pay?? Are you serious? This is UNACCEPTABLE to me! Why are WE asking how much THEY pay!?! We should be getting the details of what will be required and then offering up a price that is inline with the service that we are going to provide. Certainly not the other way around! This needs to stop! And it can stop with each of us doing our part. Stop asking and start telling!

Now, occasionally I read the boards and there will be a thread about price fixing… this is NOT what I am talking about. I mean are the appraisers, plumbers, doctors, private attorneys, etc price fixing when they keep their prices within a ball park of each other?? Certainly, not. It is about getting what you are worth! PERIOD. Until we start sticking together soon and I mean very soon; you WILL be working for free! (we damn near are now) And now, before anybody says it, I realize that they are more often than not the liaison between us and the title/escrow companies but if we all stick together and refuse these low ball fees, our fees WILL come up. And on a side note, if you ask me, it seems that the signing companies are the ones that are guilty of price fixing!!

I’d love to hear some of your feedback on this issue!

Until next time! Be Safe!

You might also like:

Notary Marketing 102 – negotiating fees
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19784

Travel fees if nothing gets signed
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22578

Why are the fees offered to us so low you ask?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22293

What are mobile notary fees?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21383

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April 30, 2013

Help, I’m being sued, and E&O won’t help

Filed under: Business Tips,Loan Signing 101,Ninja Theme Articles,Notary Mistakes,Popular on Twitter 2013,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 2:37 am

Dinner was over and it was actually time to call it a day and get some rest when there was a doorbell. The family could not help wonder who inthe world this could be this late in the evening. It was approaching 10:00PM for god’s sake. The lady of the house went to the door and the gentleman standing on her porch asked if she was the Mrs. Xyz and she responded yes and then he proceeded to hand her an envelope. He stated; “You have been served”.

She shut the door curious but at this point not to worried.…she was thinking ‘oh this must be a request for testimony or something of this nature’ but as she began to read the documents to her shock and disbelief….she was being sued!. She was devastated to say the least.

It seems that back a few months she had done a modification and something had gone VERY wrong and now the person who’s signature she had notarized had hired an attorney and he as suing everybody that had been involved in his transaction including the notary. This particular client was claiming that there was intent to commit fraud with all the parties that had been involved with his loan modification. The notary contacted her bonding company and they looked over her evidence and found that she was in the clear. She had done nothing notarially wrong therefore they could be of no use. But what makes it worse is that they refused to represent her. It was basically out of their hands. For those of you that don’t know. Errors and omissions is just for notarial mistakes. It will not benefit you any other way. As in the case of this particular notary she was being included in a fraud case so now she was forced to figure out how she was going to defend herself.

She and her husband discussed it and he felt that she would need to hire an attorney and so that is what they did. But unfortunately they found out that it was not going to be cheap. The attorney kindly informed them that it would be about $30,000 when they were finished. Now as I listened to the story I was in shock. I thought that if that were me in this situation I would just be forced to take a different route. I would have to have to represent myself. I would not be able to afford this large sum of money at all. Personally, I would have made a copy of all work orders and correspondence of the hiring parties along with a copy on my journal entries and a signed and notarized affidavit that I did not know any of the parties involved and would have sent this to all the attorneys involved and hoped for the best. In my years as a notary I have a couple of signers on a couple of occasions that were suing the parties that hired me and this is what I have done and it seemed to suffice and I have never had to attend a court trial. Thank the man upstairs!

It might be naive of me but if you know that you didn’t do anything wrong I don’t feel that you need to spend exorbitant amounts of money to prove it…and if you don’t have it and cant get it then you are forced to defend yourself anyway. It is actually disheartening that we have to be drawn into other peoples drama….Which led to me into thinking that we should have some sort of release of liability document for folks to sign when we notarize their signature. The document should state many things for example,; one, that we are verifying identity and signature only on the document, that we did not have anything to do with the preparation of their document, that we do not know them or are we involved in their transaction in any way. Now, I don’t know if this would protect us totally from any lawsuits but I sure would feel a whole lot better having them signing it. And if unfortunately there was a lawsuit maybe it would offer some sort of protection. It would seem to me that in the situation our notary in the story finds herself if she had such document she would less likely NOT be involved in that lawsuit. I look forward to hearing what some of our attorneys her at 123 have to say about this and would love some input as to exactly what the letter affidavit should say.

I am very interested in what others have to say on this subject. I feel for this notary. The bad news is that she is seriously contemplating giving up her commission and her notary business all together. She has been a notary for over a decade and this ordeal has left a bitter taste in her mouth and I do understand. She and I talked for a very long time and she told me that I made her feel better and that at this point she didn’t feel as alone as she had been feeling. I was glad to be able to do at least that much for her. I wish it could have been more. Let me know what you think!

Until next time…be safe!

Tweets:
(1) The borrower had hired an Attorney to sue everyone who had been involved in the modification including the notary!
(2) It would cost $30,000 for the notary’s Attorney fees to defend her from a crime she never committed!
(3) E&O refused to cover the notary since she didn’t make an error or an omission. It was the Lender’s fault!

You might also like:

Protect yourself with a contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

Do I need $1 million E&O insurance to get more notary business?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20183

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April 11, 2013

Getting what is due! A clever plan!

Filed under: Carmen Towles,Loan Signing 101,Ninja Theme Articles,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular Overall,Tips for Getting Paid — Tags: , — admin @ 8:36 am

I love it when we can get what is due us without resulting to collection actions or a courtroom.

It seems that one of our notaries was owed a considerable amount of cash. Approximately $500.00 or so. He had done several signings in a short period of time for a deadbeat signing company and was having no luck in collecting from them. They had given him the run around, and he was fed up.

He, of course, was not going to work for them again until he had been paid in full. However, in his haste upon receiving a phone call he accepted a job from this company and when he became aware of his mistake he was of course very upset with himself, and was so inclined to give it back. But, it was at that defining moment that he had an idea. He decided that he would do the job. But he had what I consider a brillant idea! A ingenious way to collect for the new signing plus all of the other outstanding money that was owed to him.

So, he did the signing as requested but instead of using the return company’s UPS number, he filled out the UPS label asking for over $600.00 plus dollars COD. Yes folks, CASH ON DELIVERY. So, when the UPS driver came knocking on their door the company was faced with a serious dilema. Either they pay the requested amount and get their documents or lose them. They would of course be returned to the shipper. Well….they paid the fee in full and the notary received every penny that was owed to him.

Now, I don’t know if this is considered doc highjacking… and truthfully I don’t care. Due to the notaries quick wit he got what was due to him and that is WONDERFUL in my book!!

Until next time

Be safe

You might also like:

Pricing formulas & time spent
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=588

Low ball signing companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=745

Protecting yourself with a contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

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March 19, 2013

How to write a notes section if you have no experience

Filed under: How to get work; Who is getting work,Popular on Twitter 2013,Popular Overall,Reviews,Ultra-Popular,Your Notes Section — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:55 am

People ask us this question every day. What do I put in my notes section if I have no experience. So many notaries leave their notes blank. Nobody will hire you if you leave your notes unfilled. If you don’t have any experience, there are still many things to write about.

You can write about what types of notarizations you are willing to do. Be specific — readers love specifics. You can also write about what you used to do. Readers love to get to know you by reading your notes. The more they say, the more they like you.

Here are some examples.

(1) Someone with no experience
I am available to perform any type of notarization for any type of document or loan signing. Deeds, Affidavits, Contracts, Refinances, or any other type of loan or document is fine. I provide service from 9am to 9pm six days a week. I’m fluent in Malay & English. Call any time!

My professional background is very varied. I worked in a Mortgage company for five years, but was an assistant to a well known comedian before that. I also worked in Real Estate for three years. I have a BS in Chemistry. I also play the violin and flute (No, not at the same time).

(2) Someone with a dozen loans signed
I have signed many refinances, and a few reverse mortgages. I am happy to assist you with any type of loan or document signing 24 hours a day! Just give me a call and let’s get started.

I have 30 years of experience working in an insurance company. I have a Masters degree in photosynthesis.

Call me today!

(3) Someone with notary experience, but no loan experience
I have been a notary for 12 years and have completed hundreds of document signings for a wide range of clients. I have signed Deeds of Trust, Grant Deeds, Warranty Deeds, Powers of Attorney, Wills, Affidavits, Contracts, Permission for minors to travel, Affidavits of domicile, and many other documents. Call me any time for a loan or document signing.

I am a real go-getter, and a hard worker. I put in that extra effort to get the job done right. I also help the clients understand the notarization process and what their options are. Legally, I can not decide what type of notarization to offer, but I educate the signers as to what the different types of notarizations mean, and how they are most frequently used.

I used to work as a stockbroker at Tuna, Jones & Barney for three decades. I have an MBA in Marketing

——————————

We are trying to train the notaries to put their selling features at the top of the notes. Selling features are any facts that make you stand out such as experience, or familiarity with certain types of documents or loans. Or, a selling feature could be a smoothly written line about who you are as a person that makes you stand out in a nice way. Detailed personality descriptions should go in the 2nd paragraph as a rule. If you want to talk about your professional background before you were a notary, please put that at the bottom. So many notaries put their real estate or insurance information at the top of their notes, and it simply counts against them as the clients are more interested in reading about their notary skills, since they want to hire the notary to do notary work — not real estate work!

Twitter:
(1) Write about what types of loans & docs ur familiar with & what you did for a living before you were a notary.
(2) What are your selling features as a notary & how do you communicate them in your notes?
(3) Notaries who get ahead put hard information in their notes, not bragging or unverifiable claims.

You might also like:

What goes where in your notes section?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1076

How many types of financial packages do you mention in your notes?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19997

Notary Marketing 102 – What goes in the top of your notes?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19750

Crayons and dog treats at the signing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4132

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February 26, 2013

What tasks can you do which are worth $1000 per minute?

Filed under: Marketing Articles,Ninja Theme Articles,Popular on Linked In,Popular on Twitter 2013,Popular Overall — Tags: , — admin @ 12:17 am

Notaries complain bitterly if a job assigned to them will use slightly more of their toner or gas than some other job. They are relentlessly thinking about saving pennies or losing pennies. Others complain grievously if their advertising rate goes up even by a few dollars. The only question they ask is, “What did I pay last year?”. I ask, “Do you ask your gas station attendant what you paid for gas last week?” It doesn’t change anything, does it? The question you should ask is, “What is my investment worth, and what does it get me?” Notaries spend so much time whining about small quantities of money, while they are losing tens of thousands by not doing certain things which are critical.

Did you know that notaries with great notes sections get far more clicks and jobs than those with mediocre notes? How long does it take to write a nice notes section and what are the rewards? Most notaries say, “I just don’t have the time”, or “I’ll get around to it”. It takes 20 minutes to write an award winning notes section, and that notes section can win you $20,000 more per year in business. That translates into $1000 per minute.

Is your time worth $1000 per minute? Do you HAVE TIME for that minute? Or, are you too busy doing something more critical with that minute? Could you please inform me of what you are doing with that minute that is worth more than $1000? The notary job you accepted pays you $100 minus costs and takes you 2.5 hours. That translates to about $25 per hour after expenses. That is 40 cents per minute. Why not cancel the signing, and write a great notes section, and then you will have more offers for signings that probably pay even more than what you were offered. If I ask, “Do you want 40 cents or $1000”, most notaries will choose the 40 cents, because they are used to thinking about the moment, and not investing in their career!

What about asking for reviews? Do you not have time? How long does it take to ask for a review? 1 minute. But, having a handful of reviews can double your business. So, you make $60,000 instead of $30,000 per year. What is the cost involved? 30 minutes. But, non-consecutive minutes. Over the course of 30 weeks, you might have 30 clients who love you. You ask each one to write a review, and send them a link in an email. Out of 30 requests, you might get 5 reviews which will probably double your income. Your 30 minutes yielded you $30,000 extra in a year. Is your time worth $1000 per minute? Do you have something better to do in that minute? Early Christmas shopping? Getting that extra laundry detergent? A television show?

What about answering that phone call during an inconvenient time? Do you pick up and tell them that you can’t talk? Or, do you simply not answer? What if that person will give you $10,000 per year in business? That 10 minute call will yield you $10,000. Once again, it is $1000 per minute.

What about giving a courtesy call to all of your clients once a month. Each call might take 2 minutes, but might make the difference between being forgotten about when business is brisk at the end of the. That 2 minutes could yield you 5 extra signings worth $500. That translates to $250 per minute which is not as good as $1000 per minute — but still, not bad!

Spending that extra minute in the right way can change your life — so, spend a minute thinking about what you can do with that special minute!

BTW — the five minutes you spent reading this blog entry could have been used to do business related tasks that could yield you $5000 over the course of one year. On the other hand, if you hadn’t read this article, then you wouldn’t know what those special tasks were that you could get such dramatic results from on a minute by minute basis.

Tweets:
(1) Most notaries dwell heavily on small increases in expenses, but completely ignore opportunities to make big bucks.
(2) Spending a few minutes writing a great notes section could yield you 1000’s in long term income.
(3) 3 ways to supersize your notary business that only take a few minutes per day!

You might also like:

Comprehensive information about writing a great notes section
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1076

A comprehensive guide to getting great reviews
http://blog.123notary.com/?cat=287

5 things you can do that are worth $1000 per minute
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20521

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January 17, 2013

From 3 jobs per week to 3 jobs per day!

Filed under: Certification & Communication Skills,How to get work; Who is getting work,Popular Overall — Tags: , — admin @ 5:48 am

I posted an entry on our forum to see if people were getting more work recently. Based on my calls around the country, some notaries are really getting a lot of business. We got a response to that post, but not the type of response I was expecting.

Brandon stated that he WAS getting 3 jobs per week.

THEN, he took the 123notary.com certification test and then started getting 3 jobs PER DAY!

What a difference.

http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5527

For those of you who think that the 123notary certification test is not that well designed, or for those of you who think that you don’t NEED to take it — think again. Getting work depends on the credibility you get with the signing companies for passing our test. If you are going to be on OUR directory, then think about passing OUR test. Conversely, if you want to advertise on signingagent.com and not with us, then get certified by the NNA.

When I was a notary I didn’t do all of the whining that the notaries these days do. I got certified by FIVE agencies and learned a little something extra from each preperation book and test.

You might also like:

How do you let people know you are a notary?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1936

Pricing for notary work: different strokes for different folks
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=697

Nice things people say about 123notary in the blog comments
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22401

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January 23, 2011

Notary Cheers: Sammy gets a name change form notarized

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: — admin @ 10:28 am

CUSTOMER: “Bartender, I’ll have a Sam Adams Boston Lager, and a Certified John Hancock Pale Ale for my friend.”

SAM: “Ah, your friend must be a Notary.”

CLIFF: “Uh, y’know, Sammy, it’s a little known fact that he first got the name, John Hancock, after his notary public told him, ‘Put your John Hancock on that declaration!”

(song) “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody signs your name. And they’re always… kind of… glad you came… (as long as you show up on time and dress professionally.) You wanna be where you can see our documents are all the same. You wanna be where everyone signs your name.”

DIANE: “Sam, can you switch my shift tonight with Carla? The ballet is in town and Frasier and I are dying to attend their performance of Swan Lake.”

CARLA: “Too bad he can’t die before he gets there. Sammy, why do I always have to switch shifts with bleachbag? You know, I’ve got a life too!”

CLIFF: “Yeah, popping out papooses.”

CARLA: (getting into Cliff’s face) “You’ve got a life now, you wanna keep having one?”

SAM: (delivering the John Hancock) “Hey, listen man, you guys can witness name changes, right?”

NOTARY: “Well, you need a specific form for that from the County Clerk. Then, you sign it and get it notarized. But, I can only notarize it with you signing the old way, because that’s the way it will read on your driver’s license.”

CARLA: “Assuming he doesn’t have a DUI, and that his driver’s license hasn’t been revoked.”

NORM: “I heard that even if a driver’s license is revoked, if it’s still current, you can use it as a legal identification. Am I right on this one?”

NOTARY: “Hmm, actually, I had a case like that a year ago. I had to look it up in my Notary primer. It turned out that although the signer couldn’t use the ID to drive, he could still use it to be notarized.”

CLIFF: “Who’s changing their name, Sammy?”

SAM: “I am, when I take Veronica to the hotel on the Cape.”

NORM: “John Doe?”

SAM: “You’re looking at him.”

NORM & CLIFF: “Oooohh”

WOODY: “Is Veronica that married girl you’ve been telling us about, Sam?”

SAM: “Yeah, and if her husband ever finds out, my new name will be mud.”

DIANE: “Why you would disrupt the harmony of a marital relationship to satisfy your juvenile urges is a mark of immaturity for the likes of even you Sam.”

SAM: “Hey, first of all, her marriage is on the rocks.”

DIANE: “So, you are getting your rocks off.”

SAM: “Not exactly. But, John Doe will be, as soon as these papers get signed.”

WOODY: “Boy, Sam’s really something to watch… I mean… the future John is really something to watch.”

NORM: “But, I thought you didn’t have the paperwork yet.”

SAM: “It’s as good as in my hand. We’re only walking distance from the Suffolk County Clerk in downtown Boston.”

NOTARY: “Counting your chickens before they’ve hatched.”

NORM: “Trust me, Sammy’s chickens always hatch. Isn’t that right, Sam?”

SAM: “That’s right!”

WOODY: “Back on the farm in Indiana, our chickens always hatched. Or maybe it was the eggs that always hatched. I always get that mixed up.”

CLIFF: “But, the eggs come first, if you’re talking daylight savings time. And, above the equator.”

CARLA: “… when I throw’em at your car.”

DIANE: “Carla, if you switch shifts with me, I’ll be your best friend!”

CARLA: “You call that an incentive?”

DIANE: “I swear I’ll stay out of your hair for an entire month.”

CLIFF: “I was gonna make a crack about Carla’s hair, but, I’d rather live.”

CARLA: “All right. I’ll switch shifts with you. But, if you’re swearing you’ll stay out of my hair, I’m gonna need a notarized sworn Oath. Hurry before he leaves!”

NOTARY: “Can do.”

DIANE: “Fine, if you can’t find it in your… in what some people might refer to as a ‘heart’… to trust my word, I’ll assign my words to the proper forms as suggested by the lovely gentleman who ordered the John Hancock.”

NORM: “If you can find a form long enough.”

SAM: “Can we get a twofer here? Her Oath, my Name Change?”

NOTARY: “Sure, why not. Call me when your documents are all ready.”

DIANE: (raising her right hand) “I have one last question.”

NOTARY: “Should I raise my right hand too, while you ask that particular question? Sorry, Notary humor.”

DIANE: “Oh, I was just trying to get your attention. Can you come around 8 pm tomorrow? I’ll have the Oath written by then. I need this done at night because I’ll be working nights this week.”

CARLA: “Yeah, unless you switch shifts again!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

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January 21, 2011

I just got 2 jobs from 123notary, what do I do now?

Filed under: Marketing Articles,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular Overall — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:16 pm

Congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back. Some people are lucky on 123notary and get a few jobs within hours or days of signing up. Others have to wait. A few don’t even track their calls, so they’ll know they got work, but won’t know where it is from. Metaphysically speaking, since you invested thought and action into creating a 123notary listing, you are much more likely to get business from it within a short time period after signing up. Additionally, those that pay for listings get more business because of the metaphysical commitment they made by paying. Those that edit their notes and information more often also get more business since they are paying attention and devoting their thought to it. Thought is the most powerful force in the universe, and it applies to 123notary as well.

So, what do you do now?
Add more to your notes section. Your notes section should evolve with you. As you learn new skills or get new certifications, enter that into your notes section. As your number of signings goes up, add that to your notes ase well. Get a few reviews from your satisfied clients as well. Reviews speak louder than words. Consider upgrading too. For advanced Notaries we have the Elite Certification program as well where you can learn the most sophisticated notary, signing agent and marketing techniques in the business. That’s all for now!

.

You might also like:

How much more does a 123notary certified signer make?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15392

Here’s another way to make an extra $4000 per year
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14162

5 or 6 reviews doubles your business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8484

Long term Notary marketing plans
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15793

$40 for a signing 72 miles away?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14959

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January 18, 2011

Notarizing an I-9 employment verificati​on document

Filed under: Legal Issues,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall,Technical & Legal — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 8:14 am

Have you ever notarized an I-9 before? If it were me, I would ask an Attorney, the Secretary of State, or Immigration if a notary public could notarize this form. If you are a notary, the most important thing to do is to clarify that you are NOT an Attorney, and can not give legal advice. Also clarify that you are not an immigration expert and can not advise on matters pertaining to immigration either.

But, it is not generally illegal to notarize a signature on a document.

Have any of you had to notarize an I-9 before?
How about a K-9?

Tweets:
(1) Ask an Attorney if a Notary can notarize an I-9 employment verification document.

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January 17, 2011

Two and a half notaries! A Notarization Experience

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular Overall,Sit-Coms — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 4:44 am

This is a story about a happy notary in Malibu named Charlie. He lived with his brother Sam and his brother’s son Kevin.

Charlie: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kevin: A Notary of course — ANYTHING BUT!
Charlie: Don’t knock until you try it
Kevin: All you guys do is stamp your dumb stamp on dumb documents.
Charlie: True, but it has its perks. That’s how I met Monica!
Kevin: Good point! Charlie notarizes Monica — Ooooh!

Sam: Hey, wait a second, I was dating Monica. I REFERRED her to you!
Charlie: Correct — you WERE dating Monica. And by the time we finished the Oath verbiage, she had forgotten all about you, so help you God!
Sam: Hey, that’s not fair, I’m never referring another of my friends to you ever again.
Charlie: Relax, it was all over within days. I gave her a 3-day right to rescind our relationship, and then I didn’t call her back.
Sam: That is JUST like you.

Kevin: Hey, what’s the difference between a Notarization, and a Notarization experience?
Charlie: Oh, about $1500

Maid: Keep your ink off the counters. By the way, I’m taking three days off this week. Tell Monica I said hi.
Sam: What? I thought you said it was over?
Charlie: I never said it wasn’t. For me it’s over. For her I don’t know. By the way, who is that person who keeps calling and then keeps hanging up?
Maid: I had the number traced. It seems to be coming from Topanga. Isn’t that where Monica was from?
Charlie: Oh brother.

(ring ring)
Maid: Hey Charlie, it’s for you. It’s a customer. Natalia. She sounds nice, you better take it.
Charlie: Hey Natalia. Are you up for another notarization with Vodka?
Natalia: Am I ever. Bring your notary stamp and your notary bond with you darling.
Charlie: I’ll be right over. Oh, but this time, let’s have the vodka AFTER the signing.
Natalia: Anything you like, just as long as — you — are there!
Charlie: I figure if we can remember to do the signing first, then after we have the vodka it won’t matter what we remember, because we won’t remember!
Natalia: 8 — sharp. don’t be late!

Tweets:
(1) 2 & a half notaries: What’s the difference between a notarization and a notarization experience?
(2) 2 & a half notaries: Find out what happens when Charlie notarizes Natalia and then have vodka afterwards!

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