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January 5, 2011

Psychically channeling Putin for Notary advice

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , — admin @ 10:15 am

I run a Notary directory, but I also know how to channel spirits and living entities. I might not be great at it, but get great business advice from doing exactly that. But, I decided to channel Putin as he is a very strategic guy. Here is how the channeling interview went.

JEREMY: Hello, Mr. Putin, how are things?

PUTIN: eh.. okay!

JEREMY: I wanted to ask you a few things about the Notary industry. You see, in America which seems intent on disintegrating into a third world country as fast as possible, we have some backwards things going on in the Notary industry.

PUTIN: Yes, tell me…

JEREMY: Well, you know during the cold war in Russia, you would hire someone to clean the gutter, and someone else to watch the guy cleaning the gutter, and a third guy to watch the guy watching the guy who was cleaning the gutter, etc. The problem was that the government pretended to pay, and the workers pretended to work. Communism might function better as an economic model if people had a reason to get up in the morning.

PUTIN: Have you tried Russian coffee?

JEREMY: No, is that a reason to get up in the morning?

PUTIN: No, it is a reason to not get up in the morning. It’s horrible. Stick with Starbucks double shots. Yummy.

JEREMY: I think you should drink one while riding a horse without a shirt on. That image works for you.

PUTIN: Thanks. I take pride in being shirtless, among other things.

JEREMY: Yes, it looks good, plus you rack up a lot less of a laundry bill.

PUTIN: Oh, I don’t have to worry about that. The government pays mine.

JEREMY: Oh, well in that case, maybe you should wear two shirts simultaneously. Or wear one, and then immediately change into another.

PUTIN: Yes, I tried that. That reminds me of a line from Coming To America, where the African king said, “I once tied my own shoes… I assure you that the experience is over-rated.”

JEREMY: Good point. In any case, The Notary divisions are not watching the Notaries, except a little in California. And nobody is watching the Notary divisions. If we had an effective set of checks and balances, who should watch the Notary divisions which are state run?

PUTIN: The Feds.

JEREMY: And who should watch the Feds?

PUTIN: We should.

JEREMY: So, if there is a problem in a Notary division, will you write a letter to your pal Donald?

PUTIN: Actually, we did, but we did not get paid due to budget cuts. I blame it on the Republican party.

JEREMY: So our government pretends to pay you and you pretend to watch them?

PUTIN: No, we watch them, we just don’t provide services with the information we get when we watch them. But, we try to learn military secrets and find out who is cheating on their wives.

JEREMY: What a comforting thought — not. But, last month, I had a dream that someone in the CIA was concerned that you were not spying on them enough. Fred at the CIA got so concerned in fact that he wrote you a letter asking you if something was wrong.

PUTIN: Oh, yes, well , um, we do our best. You cannot ask for more than that.

JEREMY: Good point. In any case, my opinion on your idea to slowly grow your empire is as follows. Taking over Ukraine will cause tremendous unrest. And what’s the point? It is just another place just like the seemingly infinite land you already have. It might better to save your money and just buy a Greek island. They are broke and could use the money, and you guys could use a place that is warm.

PUTIN: Yes, but that would not involve a show of force, so where is the pleasure in that?

JEREMY: Well maybe you could have some other type of controversy with the Greeks about their debts where you could strong-arm them and show your superiority without any actual violence.

PUTIN: Actually, I like that. I will think about that. I am a little distracted. My friend is teaching some Shostakovich to his child in the next room. He keeps saying, “No, no, even though it sounds wrong, it’s still not right.”

.

You might also like:

New travel ban for Notaries from 7 countries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19316

Secretary of State hacked by Russians
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19110

Compilation of posts about Notary & Politics
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20357

Trump – making American Notaries Great Again
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17023

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January 4, 2011

Witnessing the intake forms for Notary Heaven

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Linked In,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall,Ultra-Popular — Tags: , , , — admin @ 9:33 pm

Clerk: “NEXT!!!!”

Clerk: “You were. Ahh. It says here on your Akashic records that you were a decent notary. You never backdated. That’s just herely.”
Sal: “Pardon?”
Clerk: “Heavenly. But… On your Match.com profile, you front-dated to make yourself younger, but the women you met also front-dated and it all evened out, so no problem there. Back to your records… You never signed without having a current ID with a matching name. You were rarely late to any appointments, and you made a courtesy call when you knew you’d be late. Too bad you were late on your child support payments.”
Sal: “Better late than never.”
Clerk: “As in dead vs. never exist, I agree. Sign here.”
Sal: “I never had any kids, by the way. You must be confusing me with somebody else.”

Clerk: “You must be confusing me with somebody who confuses you for somebody else.”
Heavenly Notary: “Can I see some ID?”
Sal: “I just died. My ID is with my body down there.”

Clerk: “His commission seal expired after he did. I already checked it in.”
Notary: “Your right thumb print, please. The one you hitched a ride with to get to the dance where you met your future wife to whom you gave thumbs down to timely child support.”
Sal: “Boy, you guys really know how to stay on topic.”

Clerk: “You are hereby appointed to Notary Heaven section 263, upper level.”
Notary: “Really? Upper level! I must have done something right? By the way, up here, is upper level a good thing?”

Clerk: “It’s where we put decent notaries who didn’t make their child support payments. It’s up in the nosebleed section. But since noses don’t bleed here, no worries. Be glad you’re not headed to where we stick the backdaters.”
Sal: “Uhh… Where’s that?” Clerk: “Notary purgatory. For all of eternity, they’ll have to remind clients to stop signing differently on each page, so it’s consistent.” Sal: “Okay, but once again, I never had children. Perhaps there’s another Sal who used my social security number and…”
Heavenly Bouncer: “You’re coming with me, kid…”
Sal: “Thanks for calling me a kid. I guess compared to all of eternity, I am on the youthful side.”
Bouncer: “Up these stairs over here.”
Sal: “They don’t have escalators in heaven? Not that I’m complaining.”
Bouncer: “You’re getting aerobic exercise. It will make you feel therely.”

Sal: “Oh, okay. Wait a minute! … There-ly? Don’t you mean here-ly?”
Bouncer: “We just left heaven. This is heaven-adjacent. The address still sounds reasonably fancy, but the neighborhood’s a little seedier. For the seedier folks who shirked their child support payments.”
Sal: “Listen… I didn’t get your name.”
Bouncer: “What do you mean?” Sal: “Your name. I didn’t get your name.” Bouncer: “My name is ‘What do you mean.’ In heaven-adjacent, it makes confused new members sound like they’re my friends.” Sal: “Is there any way to appeal the whole child support issue?”
Bouncer: “You can take that up with the staff in section 263.”
Sal: “What do you mean?” Bouncer: “Yes?” Sal: “Never mind.”

263 Host: “Welcome to section 263. We’ve been expecting you! The accommodations here are adequate, and the food isn’t terrible.”
Sal: “That doesn’t sound… terrible.”
263 Host: “As for the enticing food descriptions in the menu, don’t ask me to affirm them under the penalties of perjury. Oh, and the full portions are reduced by thirty percent, because SOMEONE in the brighter world didn’t make their section 263 support payments. Ring a bell?”
Sal: “How could I have been a deadbeat before I was actually dead?”
263 Host: “Have a nice eternity.”

———————–
Old Version
———————–

Sal: “Hi, I’m Sal”
Clerk: “You sure are. Hmm. It says here on your Akashic records that you were a good notary. You never backdated. You never signed without having a current ID with a matching name. You were rarely late to any appointments, and you made a courtesy call when you were going to be late. Too bad you were late on your child support payments.
Sal: “Hey, excuse me. I think there is a mistake here. You see I…”
Clerk: “Sign here”
Notary: “Can I see some ID sir?”
Sal: “Hey, give me a break, I just died. My ID is with my body down there. I never had kids by the way, you must be confusing me with…”
Clerk: “Sure you didn’t. Where have I heard that before.”
Notary: “Your right paw-print please.”
Clerk: “You are appointed to Notary Heaven section 263, upper level.”
Notary: “And what did I do to merit such a place? By the way, is that a good place?”
Clerk: “That’s where we put good notaries who didn’t make their child support payments. It’s a whole lot better than where we put the backdaters. I’ll leave that to your imagination.”
Sal: “Okay, but once again, I never had children. Perhaps there is another Sal who used my social security number and…”
Bouncer: “You’re coming with me kid…”
Sal: “Oooh, strong grip…”
Bouncer: “Up these stairs over here.”
Sal: “Is this heaven or is this a prison?”
Bouncer: “Think of all of god’s creation as a karmic realm of one sort or the other. Certain realms are more desirable than others.”
Sal: “Is there any way to appeal the whole child support issue?”
Bouncer: “You can take that up with the staff in section 263. Have a nice day!”

263 Staff: “Welcome to section 263. We have been expecting you! The accommodations here are honest, and the food is not bad, but you only get 70% portions because our funding got cut because SOMEONE in the brighter world didn’t make their section 263 support payments. Sound familiar?”
Sal: “Yeah, about that. I was hoping that we could…”
263 Staff: “NEXT….”

Tweets:
(1) Notary Heaven Section 263: That’s where we put good notaries who didn’t make their child support payments.
(2) Hmm. It says here on your Akashic records that you were a good notary. You never backdated.
(3) I just died, my ID is with my body down there.
(4) Notary Heaven Section 263: That’s where we put good notaries who didn’t make their child support payments.
(5) Hmm. It says here on your Akashic records that you were a good notary. You never backdated.
(6) I just died, my ID is with my body down there.
(7) The notary heaven clerk noted that his commission seal expired after he did.
(8) Notary purgatory: For all of eternity, dead notaries get clients who sign differently on each page.

You might also like:

Compilation of comedy articles about Notary Heaven & Hell
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16640

The signing from hell (Carmen’s version)
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=765

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January 3, 2011

Comedic Notary Pricing from Apo-steal-of-a-deal to Zilch (not getting paid).

Filed under: Andy Cowan,Comprehensive Guides,Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 9:04 pm

Comedic Notary Pricing from Apo-steal-of-a-deal to Zilch (not getting paid).

Getting paid is serious business. But in this blog, we’re going “goofy.”

REVERSE MORTGAGES

Segagtrom. So much for literally reversing “mortgages.” In the reverse mortgage I’ll be referring to here, you get paid before you do the signing. If they don’t pay you ahead of time, charge 150 bucks. If they don’t pay you that, reverse the charges on the UPS. You can also drive in reverse to the signing. Unless you happen to be in a parking lot, in which case backing up causes serious tire damage. I can back that up in a notarized statement.

INSPECTIONS

When you inspect a house by taking photos, if it’s cheesy looking, tell it to smile and say cheese. If there are lines from broken plaster on the wall they don’t want you to shoot, charge them extra to Photoshop the lines out. Charge twenty to thirty dollars for inspection, unless the photos need touchup. When you visit their restroom and inspect their medicine cabinet, charge them a snooping fee.

REFINANCING

When getting signatures for mortgage signings, charge them a
re-re-re-re-re-refinancing fee if the signer stutters.

EDOCS OR DOCUMENTS

Ink is to a printer what cocaine is to a dealer. The first sample is free, and then they have you hooked on a very expensive habit. So be sure to charge accordingly for depleting your ink supply as you type out documents. Make sure they don’t pay you with money they printed out on their printers. Although the ink would probably be worth more than the money.

TRAVEL FEE FOR MOBILE NOTARIES

It’s been years since doctors made house calls. If you’re making a house call to notarize something, you better make sure you’re compensated for such service. Some charge by the mile, some charge by the amount of time to get there. As for the comedic price list, charge them like Dominos Pizza. They’ll get a free signing if you don’t arrive within thirty minutes or less. And when you do arrive, make sure you act extra cheesy. And top it off with an extra signature. If the signing is late at night, charge them a surcharge. If they treat you with disrespect, charge them a you-forgot-to-call-me “sir” charge.

LATE FEES

If they’re not ready for you when you arrive for the signing, charge them a late fee. If they’re not ready for you when you arrive because they’re dead, charge the next-of-kin a late, late fee. If it’s so late that it’s technically the wee hours of the morning, charge them an early fee. If they can’t pay you till tomorrow, charge them a late fee for the early fee. If they can’t pay you till after the both of you sit down and finish watching an old movie on TV, charge them a late, late show late fee for the early fee.

WAITING FEES

The more you wait to be paid, the more you charge them. If you wait till hell freezes over, charge them a waiting/defrosting fee. You’re like a taxi stuck in park with the meter running. If they haven’t reached the destination yet but they’re still your client, that will cost them. That should give you a lift. (Or for the cabbie and Uber haters out there, “Lyft”)

.

You might also like:

A comprehensive guide to Notary pricing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16504

Protecting yourself with a contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

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How Notary work is similar to online dating

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:52 am

I read some material on how Aziz Ansari was talking about online dating and comparing it to applying for jobs. After reading his commentary, I feel that online dating can be similar to Notary work as well. Here are some scenarios.

After the Signing
After you finish the signing, should you call the borrower to tell them how much you liked the signing or should you text them? This depends on the age of the borrower. If the borrower is in their twenties, definately text them. But, if they are forty or over, don’t text them as they’ll probably prefer a call.

NOTARY: “luved the signing, tx”

On the other hand, if you are going to use broken English in your text, the borrower might get the wrong impression. It might be more professional to say,

NOTARY: “I had a wonderful time at the signing. Would it be possible to sign with you again?”

SIGNER: “I’ll think about it. But, I’m signing with other people these days.”

NOTARY: “Is it anything serious? Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m prying.”

Having Too Many Choices
One researcher who Aziz commented on learned that having more choices doesn’t make you happier. Life is sometimes easier when we only have a few choices. As a Notary, this is too true. Notaries who are wanted by hundreds of signing companies can never decide if they want to accept the job. What if a better offer comes in? It’s comparable to a beautiful girl at a dance hall. She has so many choices, she not only can’t decide, but takes them for granted. But, from a Notary point of view, it would be easier if all of the offers for signings came in at once, perhaps five at a time. You could pick two that you liked best based on their profile, and forget the rest. I think this business would be much more interesting if you could view an online profile of each borrower — their likes and dislikes, signing preferences, and interests.

NOTARY: So, what do you like to do on the first signing?

SIGNER: I like to sign on the table. Actually sitting on the table. What about you?

NOTARY: I prefer the sofa. If you have a clip board, it is much more relaxing. But, I hate it when you sit on the floor and use the coffee table.

SIGNER: I know… So, what are you doing after the signing?

NOTARY: Not much. Your place or mine? BTW, what’s your place like?

SIGNER: Well, we’re already at my place, so look around. But, since we’re already here, let’s do more sitting on the table. Cool. That’s my thing!

Opening Up
Some Notaries are just too serious at the signing. If you want the signers to open up, you need to be less serious. Instead of discussing the prepayment penalty. Get to know them a little better by discussing your last trip to the circus, or what happened on your last date. Or tell them about funny things that happened on your way to the signing. It’s always awkward on a first signing. So, learn the techniques of making your first signing less awkward.

Put yourself in the Notary’s shoes
Sometimes it might be easier if the borrower put themselves in the Notary’s shoes. They should realize that it is his first time signing with you. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to you. Sure, he read your profile and knows how much you like borrower and signing pieces of paper. Also, try to understand all the different houses the Notary needs to go to and how demanding the job is.

What not to do on the first signing
One Notary did a signing for a borrower who was a little bit forward.

SIGNER: Would you like a Hershey’s kiss at the end of the signing.

NOTARY: “Sorry, I don’t accept Hershey’s kisses on the first signing — I’m not that kind of Notary!”

.

You might also like:

Yes, it’s the Notary Dating Show!
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15312

NotaryMatch.com — a dating site for Notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8706

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The Starbucks notary wises up!

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Ninja Theme Articles,Popular on Twitter 2011,Popular Overall — admin @ 9:03 am

Our notary got stood up at Starbucks the other day, and did what Bostonians call “wising up”. The next night, our notary friend was too tired to travel, unless the price was right. But, he got a call.

9pm… ring ring.
Notary service

Hi, my name is Jim, are you a “notary republic?”
A republic is a country. I am not a country, I am a notary, and I am open to the public — and the public is you
Oh… (long pause). Can you notarize a document?
Yes, that is what I do.
I don’t want to pay a travel fee.
No problem. Meet me at my local Starbucks. Can you come right now?
Sure… Where are you?

I’m in Glendale, how far are you from Glendale?
About 20 minutes.

Great, meet me at 9:20… I can’t schedule after that in case I get a paying job with a travel fee. If I schedule later than that, I might have to give up a $100 job in order to accomodate your $10 job. Understand?
Sure, I guess.

9:15… ring ring
Notary: Hi Jim
Customer: It is not Jim, I am Samuel. We need a notary tonight in Burbank. We are going on a trip and need travel documents. We can pay you $100 travel fee if you can do two signatures included.

Notary: Speak of the devil, I just told my last client that I might get a $100 job tonight. It is the power of positive thinking. Tomorrow night I am going to tell everyone that I might get a $200 job.
Customer: Why stop at $200 — go for $300, just as long as I am not paying!

Notary: So, when do you need service by?
Customer: We are leaving at 11pm, so get over here as soon as you can.
Notary: I have a 9:20pm appointment at Starbucks. If he doesn’t show up on time, I’ll just come on over and should be there before 10pm. If he shows up, I’ll tell him that his appointment is 10 minutes and that I have to run, in which case I’ll be there around 10pm.
Customer: Super.

So, the Starbucks notary meanders down to his favorite hang out spot — Starbucks — of course — isn’t it all of our favorites?
He waits until 9:20pm and then gives three minutes grace period just in case Jim didn’t synchronize his watch to nuclear time. At 9:23 Starbucks notary leaves just as he sees a nervous guy who lacked confidence driving up. Starbucks notary thought — I don’t have time for this, the guy didn’t even call to let me know he was close. So, our notary friend drives off to Burbank. Meanwhile keeping the phone by his side, he anxiously waits for his #1 client to call him and wonder where he was. But, the phone didn’t ring.

At 9:34 our speedy notary arrives at the destination at Burbank, CA. He notary bag by his side, he energetically prances towards the front door. Samual greets him with his document all ready, and five crisp new twenty dollar bills eagerly waiting to be received by our notary friend. The notary checks their identification, takes paw prints, notarizes their signatures, collected his money, and by 9:41 is ready to leave with his wallet fat with cash and then…

ring ring…
Ummm. this is Jim… didn’t we have an appointment at Starbucks?
Notary: Yes Jim, We had a 9:20 appointment and I was at Starbucks waiting for you, but you didn’t show up. I had a conflicting appointment. If I had waited for you, I would have missed my other appointment — and they were ready to go — and not late like you.

Oh… I didn’t realize I was late. I showed up at 9:24.
Notary: You didn’t confirm that you were nearby, and I had to go. But, on a brighter note, I am coming back, and I can meet you at Starbucks in about nine minutes.
Jim: I don’t think I like how this arrangement is going
Notary: Well, I am the one who kept my end of the bargain at the risk of losing a much more lucrative job. You were the one who would have made me late. Maybe it is I who should be the one who doesn’t like the arrangement — hmmm?
Jim: Never mind, I’ll just go home and get it notarized tomorrow by another “noterizer”. Good bye!
Notary: Well, you got a free travel fee out of me. I traveled from my house to Starbucks. My fee is $10 travel fee. You can mail me a check for my trouble.
Jim: No way… besides, I’m the one who did most of the driving… see-ya.

Tweets:
(1) A client wanted to save $ & agreed to meet the notary at Starbucks, but kept the notary waiting for 45 minutes.
(2) The notary waited until 9:20 for his $10 client to show, then had to run to a $100 paying gig!
(3) When you wait for a client to show up who’s late, ur held hostage w/o waiting fees or travel fees.
(4) If customers come 2u, let’em know if they don’t show up on time, they’ll only have 3 minutes grace period.

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January 1, 2011

A 2nd Date With jeremy

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 12:05 am

A 2nd date with Jeremy

Sealia and Jeremy hit it off, so much on their first date, it was time for a sequel. In fact, they had gotten to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally known” instad of using satisfactory evidence to identify the signer.

Sealia: “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”
Jeremy: “I know!”

So, this dynamic duo decides to see the movie, “A Case of Mistaken Identity”. It is a movie about someone who was notarized using a stolen ID card. The police were informed, and then arrested the wrong person. In any case, Jeremy asked
what type of rating the movie had, such as “G”, “PG”, “R”, 2 thumbs up, etc. Sealia replied that the movie got four stars on Notary Rotary.

The couple drove to the theater and parked. Jeremy wanted to use a credit card to purchase tickets.
The ticket lady said, “May I see some ID please?”
Jeremy misheard her and thought she asked the name of the movie he wanted to see.
Jeremy said, “A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “No, there’s nothing wrong with your identity, the picture on this ID looks just like you, and your eyes really are blue — hold on, let me take a closer look — yup…”
Jeremy: “No, not the ID, the movie”
Ticket Lady, “Oh, so you mistook the identity of the movie!”
Jeremy: “No, I mistook what you said when you asked for my ID”
Ticket Lady, “Never mind, your credit card and ID are fine… what movie would you like to see?”
Jeremy: “Two tickets for A case of mistaken identity”
Ticket Lady, “Here you go! Enjoy the show!”

Then, the couple go to the consession stand. They see all of the popcorn and other treats, and ask if they have any good consessions. The attendant said, “We actually have notary consessions — we have a voucher that states that if the notary makes a mistake, that the return trip to correct the mistake is free as a consession.” Then, Jeremy asks, “Does that consession voucher come with a complimentary bucket of popcorn?” Then, the attendent responsded, “Yeah, for another $6.25, I’ll make that consession.”

Then, our conceded (but, not conceited) couple proceeded to get seated. Then, the lights were dimmed, and the movie began.
Jeremy: “Oh no, what if the ticket lady gave me back the WRONG ID? I better check my wallet!”
Sealia: “You are paranoid, I saw that she gave you back the correct ID, and your Credit Card!”
Jeremy: “Next time, I’m paying for the movie using paypal up front, like Ken gets paid for his signings — It’s much easier.”

Then the movie starts. They get to the point of the movie where the very best scene happens — well, the best scene according to Jeremy. The scene where they show the sworn Oath. Then a big fat guy tries to walk across the row in front of them to his seat. Jeremy is livid that fatso would prevent him from seeing the Oath. So, Jeremy gets out of his seat, and sticks his head to the left of Fat Albert, and then when Albert moves to the left, Jeremy stuck his head to the right.

Movie seer: “Hey, do you mind?”
Jeremy: “He’s blocking my favorite scene!”
Movie seer: “Well, I want to see the Oath too, buddy”
Jeremy: “You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath… I SWEAR I will if you don’t shut up!”

They finished the movie. The police arrested the wrong guy, but after they fingerprinted him, they realized that the real criminal was still on the

loose. So, they let the falsely arrested guy go. Then, our duo walks down past Mann’s Chinese theater in Hollywood and see handprints and signatures. But, there are no Acknowledgments for the signatures! If we see some wet cement, we need to put a mold for an Acknowledgment form in the cement! We’ll put it with an imprint of my embosser next to Roy Rogers signature, that will trigger a reaction!

Next it was time for a hike in Griffith Park. We went to hike to the Hollywood sign.
Sealia: “This would be a great place to notarize — you sign next to the Hollywood sign!”
Jeremy: “Why not notarize the Hollywood sign itself?”
Sealia: “Wow, you think big. You can do that?”
Jeremy: “No”

ring-ring
Jeremy: “123notary, this is Jeremy”
Caller: “Yeah, you have my named spelled wrong on my listing!”
Jeremy: “You are interrupting my date to tell me this? Couldn’t you just send me an email? I’m not next to a computer right now”
Caller: “Never mind, I’ll call Carmen”
Jeremy: “Carmen cannot solve that problem either. Just send me an email”
Caller: “In that case I’ll call Sally”
Jeremy: “This conversation is over!”

Meanwhile, the NNA hiking group was walking up the hill, getting a guided tour of the Hollywood sign area. They gave a speech where they named the Notary of the Year. They called Jeremy to stand in front of the sign and said, “We appoint you, Brad Mulligan as Notary of the Year!”

Jeremy said, “I”m sorry, but I am not Brad. I think we have a case of mistaken identity!”

Tweets:
(1) Sealia & Jeremy got to know each other so well, that if they were notarizing each other, they would say “Personally Known.”
(2) (at the movies during the Oath scene) You want an Oath? I’ll give you an Oath. I swear I will if you don’t shut up!
(3) “We know each other so well, we can complete each other’s Jurat verbiage”

You might also like:

My date with Jeremy
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4473

123notary behind the scenes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2499

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August 3, 2010

Funniest things that happen to Signing Agents

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Pets at Signings,Popular on Twitter 2010,Popular Overall 2010 — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 4:13 am

Funny situations at signings for signing agents
Signings are usually very normal, but our notaries and signing agents have seen almost everything from roach infested houses, to naked signers, to having a tornado come to the signing. Here are some noteworthy experiences that are from our FACEBOOK profile on May 25th, 2010. WHICH ONE IS THE FUNNIEST?

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Chicken coops
I had to walk around the chicken coops while he collected just hatched eggs. I brought home a 1/2 a dozen.

The two year old
A two year old decided to take all our blue pens hide them and mom could not find them, Lesson keep more pens in the car.

The angry husband
It was probably when a couple began arguing with me present. The husband yelled that she never let him read anything in peace or make a decision so he took his car keys and screeched out the driveway only to end up accidentally running over his kid’s bike in the driveway. We had to wait for him to return so that he could sign the papers as well but… She kept muttering under her breath that he doesn’t understand what he’s signing so what ‘s the point (had to agree with her he seemed unnecessarily confused). Funny thinking about it now but it was dramatic and awkward then. Only two weird incidents like this but they stick out like sore thumbs lol

5 dogs & 3 kids
As a signing agent, I had to notarize for a couple who had 5 HUGE dogs and 3 super hyper kids, that were taller than me, mind you I’m only 4′ 11″ (in high heels! lol ), before I even rang the door bell, I knew it was going to be a challenging job, there were toys all over the front yard, and of course there was a HUGE gate, that I had to get on a tippy toes in order to reach the latch, I walked to the front door, and sure enough, as soon as one of the kids answered one of their huge dogs decided to jump on me and smell me!! to get to know me of course! lol, oh man, I’m cracking up just remembering! The family was so friendly and full of love, it was not a bad experience at all after I shared all my extra pens and paper with the kids.. they were so sweet they even took my business cards and handed them out to their friends and colleagues, I really appreciate that! All in a notary’s day’s work!!

The mistress
I had called the Borrower the day before to confirm, and for some reason I guess the Wife thought I was the Mistress, because that night at 2am, I received a phone call, screaming at me, yelling at me, asking me why i was cheating with her husband, etc!!!!. When i arrived in the morning to the signing, it was the most awkward thing in the world!!!

He had the H1N1 Virus and died soon after
Was told by the signer if her boyfriend came home to grab the papers and run. That was stressful. But the worst one of all happened in April of this year. The signer was an old man with a walker. He started the conversation with I have the H1N1 virus with a 102* fever. He said “Is that okay with you?”. I told him to go home, get better and then resign. I called a few days later and he had died. Very sad.

The little boy
I went to a signing out in the middle of nowhere. The little boy, probably about 4, comes running out and hugs my legs. The Daddy tells him to get back in bed, he hugs tighter, Dad starts to count to 3.. I tell him you better run. Just as his Dad gets to 3, he tears loose and runs and jumps in bed. Then he yells out.. “Hey Lady, whats your name?”.. I say Susie, he yells out “Good Night Susie”..

The naked daughter
Awkward…at a extravagant house w a couple in the morning. Middle of signing the 3 year old daughter comes running out naked. Wouldn’t stop jumping all over the couches and running around. NAKED.

The argumentative selling agent
I had a sale in which the Selling agent and the Seller were arguing. The Selling agent had called the police because he said their dog had bit him when they conducted the final walk through. The Seller’s insisted it did not happen. It was a hostile closing environment until the agent decided to drop his pants to show the teeth marks on his buttocks! I was in tears from laughing so hard. It remains my funniest closing to date.

Can you help give birth?
I was scheduled to do a closing and the borrower called me the morning of to cancel unless……..I was willing to come to labor and delivery as the wife had gone into labor that morning…..but they really wanted to sign that day. I called the company and they said it was my call. I decided to go. They had to get me cleared through security. We would sign a few pages and take a break, then sign a few more and take a break. I did let them know that they could kick me out at anytime…..lol. We did complete the closing. I didn’t stick around for the birth and don’t know if they named the baby after me or not…..but it has been a great story to tell!

Signing on the hood & Affidavit of &#%
There are a couple of them that stick out in my mind.
1- the request to notarize an affidavit saying this lady never had*****with another ladies husband. people think just because i notarize it it is the truth.
2- the lady who insisted i come to her home at 11 pm and sign documents on the hood of my car, down the block cauz she didnt want her boyfriend to know what she was doing. Oh yeah, she snuck out of the house through a window in her nightgown lol. And she was a fairly large woman.

1 – I went into labor at a signing and tried to hide it from the borrower because the first comment he made when I walked into the front door was, “you’re not going to have that baby today are you?” (I did actually)
2 – I had a borrower on a reverse mortgage closing who was expecting me to arrive with a brief case full of cash because he was receiving $70,000 as a lump sum disbursement. Also, he lived in a mobile home on blocks and planned on putting the cash in a floor safe.

Once you get here we can untie my husband
I accepted a signing and when I inputed the address into my GPS, it turned out to be a hospital. I called the client to ensure I had the correct address and she stated, “yes, we are in the lobby waiting for you. Once you get here we will untie my husband’s hands so he can sign this will.” Needless to say, I cancelled!

The tornado
I was sitting at the kitchen table facing the patio, which was high off the ground, doing a signing. It was cold in the house and I thought the borrower had turned on the heat when she got up, but it was too noisy to be heat. My mouth flew open as a huge stainless steel barbecue grill traveled quickly past the patio doors. What I thought was the heat, turned out to be the freight train sound of a tornado! We looked outside and a tree was down, the legs of their covered swing had gone through the side of the neighbor’s garage, and the people across the street had shingles ripped off a quarter of their roof like you would rip the label off a jelly jar. News crews came to cover the tornado while we finished up the signing. My car and the borrower’s house were fine.

Are you allergic to cats & snakes?
As I walked to the door I knew it was bad..bo meets me asks if I am allergic to cats. Um no. Good she said she has 40 and we go in..She turns and asks what about snakes? Um NO..We walk in and cats and snakes..big ones all in and out of cages all over the place..My lungs hurt from the stench..Got out in a big hurry! Yuk!
 
Let us know which one you think is the funniest, and let us know if you have some funny stories of your own. As you can see, our signing agents have a very interesting life — at least from time to time.
 
Tweets:
(1) The notary was asked to notarize an affidavit that claimed the signer never had $&%
w/the other ladies husband!
(2) One you get here (to notarize) we can untie my husband!
(3) One signer asked, “Are you allergic to cats or snakes?” What kind of signing is this going to be?

Other related reading material.

Compilation of Notary sit-com episodes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15949
 
Tips on being the worlds worst notary or signing agent
http://www.123notary.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1910
 
Humorous and interesting posts from the forum
http://www.123notary.com/interestingposts.asp

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