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July 11, 2016

How to write a notes section if you are a beginner

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Ninja Theme Articles,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Facebook (some),Popular on Linked In,Your Notes Section — Tags: , , , , , , , — admin @ 6:03 am

We wrote a similar article on this aspect of Notary advertising a few years ago. I think it was very helpful. But, let me structure this article as a quick tips article with itemized things to add to your notes section. The basic idea is that if you have no experience, you cannot talk about what you’ve already done. So, talk about what you are willing to do, where you go, or what training you have had.

Don’t write three paragraphs telling us how many years of experience your mentor has otherwise we’ll stop looking at your profile and start looking at your mentor’s profile. Remember, you are selling yourself, not your mentor.

Don’t write six paragraphs telling us about your Real Estate career as nobody is hiring you as a Realtor on 123notary.com. That is something to write a single line about LOWER in your notes.

Don’t waste space telling us how you respect the integrity of the transaction and how confidentiality of the transaction is of utmost importance. That tells us nothing except that you are claiming not to be a conman.

Don’t tell us how important it is to hire a Notary who is experienced and knowledgable. You think the browsers don’t already know this? They have hired tens of thousands of Notaries and are hiring Notaries daily. They know what is important, the question is, are you the kind of Notary they want?

Don’t write two paragraphs about how you are a new mom. People will assume that when they call you they’ll hear screaming in the background. Focus on Notary work.

Don’t use adjectives. people who claim to be reliable, responsible, experienced, professional, accurate, etc., are people who have nothing good to say about themselves who compensate by using a bunch of unverifiable claims about themselves which are usually not true. Experts who hire Notaries see through the nonsense faster than you can say, “skip my listing.” So, don’t use adjectives unless you can back them up with real information. So, what should you write about?

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BASICS

Basic information should go at the top of your notes section. If you bury the most critical information where nobody can find it, they won’t hire you. Pertinent knowledge, radius, and special services are what people need to know about first. Don’t bury this in a long paragraph about how wonderful you are!

Last Minute Signings — It is sometimes hard to find someone who accepts signings at the last minute. If you do, that really helps.

Hours — Letting the world know how early you start and how late you finish can really help.

Languages — Fluent in Thai? Let them know. There is more demand for Spanish and Vietnamese though based on word on the street. Also let us know if you are fluent, or only conversational. If you cannot get through a signing with your language, save us the trouble and don’t mention it.

Hospitals & Jails — Most Notaries aren’t experienced with these types of signings which are more demanding. Let people know if you do.

100 mile Radius — Most Notaries are wishy-washy about how far they go. They have three paragraphs of information about exceptions to the rule like if their coffee wasn’t good that morning, they won’t go too far into Morgan County, but if you pay extra they might consider Strantom County. Just list your radius and your counties without all of the hype please. Nobody has time for this.

Counties Covered — List as many counties as you can if you want to get lots of jobs. If you cover counties that nobody else does, even if it is a long drive, you might get a lot of new clients as a result.

Loans & Documents — List all types of documents or loans you know how to sign including types of loans. Most Notaries say they are familiar with most legal documents. This is vague. It is better to list the top several legal documents you see a lot of.

Catchy Phrase — Sometimes a catchy phrase about yourself, your business or service can win the game. Often it is a one-liner that is artfully phrased and catches people’s attention. Don’t bore them with fluff, dazzle them with class!

About You — What is unique about your service or about you that the reader might want to hear?

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EXPERIENCE

All of us have some type of experience. Mortgage and Escrow are the most valuable. Real Estate experience doesn’t translate into being a better Notary, and doesn’t make you that familiar with the documents despite what you may think or claim. However, you can mention it in a one liner. Mention other experience, but don’t write paragraphs on it. Keep it short. Military and Police experience are actually very helpful if you are a signer. That way you can keep the peace and use real bullet points in your notes sections!

Mortgage Experience — List any pertinent past experience, particularly if it is in Mortgage, Escrow, or Legal. Don’t be vague about the experience either. If you say you have experience in the legal industry we’ll assume you were a janitor or secretary. If you were a legal assistant, then say so.

Unrelated Experience — You can mention what you used to do for a living. It might be impressive if you were a bank president or dictator of a small country.

Military — If you were in the military, say so. That might prove that you are careful or on time.

Police — If you were in the police, that proves you know how to deal with difficult situations and crazy people. Mention it.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

The bottom of your notes section should list all of your “other” information in an easy to read format. Some people use bullet points, and others just list it clearly so it is easy to read. Do NOT put this information in a long jumbled paragraph please.

Certifications — Are you NNA certified, Notary2Pro Certified? Say so

Memberships — Are you an NNA or AAN member? What about PAN or NotaryCafe? List all memberships.

E&O Insurance — Tell us how much you have. Some people only have $15,000 while some have a million.

Equipment— Is your printer a specific brand? Is it dual or triple tray? Does it print 200 pages per minute? Say so.

Closing Phrase — Thanks for visiting my profile on 123notary. I hope to hear from you soon. But, put it in your own words so it sounds a little more unique.

Uniqueness — Uniquess really counts. People who hire Notaries have read through thousands of profiles. If yours is unique and factual, you will stand out in a very positive way as most other people’s notes are jumbled, disorganized, and have no interesting information. Additionally, many of the others ramble on and on about how they value integrity which is a useless and unverifiable claim that is a waste of the readers time. If you waste the readers time, they are statistically less likely to use you. Give them unique and factual information and win the game. Many beginners do quite well on 123notary, especially those who express themselves well.

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You might also like:

How to write a notes section if you have no experience
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=4173

What goes where in your notes?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1076

Everything you need to know about writing a great notes section
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16074

Unique Phrases from the Ninja Course
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14690

2014 Excerpts from great notes sections
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=13613

2011 Excerpts from great notes sections
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=1043

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June 9, 2016

A comprehensive guide to Notary Pricing

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Ninja Theme Articles,Notary Fees & Pricing,NSA Pricing, Fees & Income,Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Facebook (some) — Tags: , , , , , , , , — admin @ 9:59 pm

It’s been a long time since I have written an article on pricing, so I feel it is high time! Most Notaries want to have a fixed fee and make tons of money. This is not always possible. The Notary market is a market with lots of little ups and down that a smart Notary needs to constantly adjust to. It’s smarter to have systems and formulas worked out ahead of time so you know how to react to these fluctuations.

There are fast days and slow days, monthly highs and lows, as well as changes in the market that happen over the years. There are also changes in who is competing with you in your area at a particular time. The key is to be flexible and learn how to charge accordingly. Here is how I would set my prices.

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1. Time Involved
A smart Notary should charge based on how much time is spent. Notary jobs during rush hour involve more time. Jobs that involve printing more than the average amount of pages should be billed accordingly. Smart Notaries ask who the Lender or Bank is. This is because the name of the Lender can determine with some accuracy the size of the package. Signing companies lie about package sizes which is why smart Notaries ask. Additionally, there are many loan types and some require more time. Refinances are faster, while Construction Loans are longer but have more professional and businesslike signers. Reverse Mortgages, VA, and FHA take more time. Piggy Backs are double signings and have double the pages and double the Notary work. Time for doing a signing is based on these components:

Negotiating Time — Some companies are easy and pleasant to deal with. If it is fast getting assignments faxed or emailed to you and easy to confirm with the borrower, take notes of that time. It can differ from company to company.

Printing Time — Notaries should charge by the page for e-documents. Printing takes time, and often involves waiting for documents to be ready which can be hours if you work with irresponsible companies.

Driving Time –Factor in how much time it takes to get from point A to B. Keep notes so you’ll know how to charge for jobs to particular cities in the future.

Signing time — Some Lenders have loans that get signed quickly. Some Lenders answer the phone and get situations handled quickly while others don’t.

Loan Type Influences Time Spent — VA & FHA signings are just plain longer. Reverse Mortgages are for the elderly who are less businesslike and might need a lot more time to sign. Power of Attorney signings are the most likely not to fund, so take that into consideration. Piggy Back loans are double the signatures and double the notarizations. But, once everyone has sat down and you have your journal out, it goes quickly.

Fax Back Time — Fax Backs are a pain in the rear, but they serve a purpose. Signing companies can hire newbies and get away with it, because the signing company can check your work before it gets sent back to Title. They no longer need experienced Notaries. However, fax backs take time, so if your time is worth something, charge for each page faxed back.

Cancellation Rate Time Waste — Factor cancellation rate and billing time into the price.

Billing Time — Some companies pay on the first request while others require hounding.

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2. Expenses Itemized

Printing Documents — is not only time consuming but costs money. You are using up paper, toner, cartridges, ink, and using up your time to restock what you used up. Charge accordingly.

Car Expenses — Driving a car is not free. Tires wear down, brakes wear out, plus you need to change the oil, filters, shocks, transmission, and more. So, in addition to time, try to work a mileage fee into your pricing in addition to charging for time.

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3. Track Record & Risk of Not Getting Paid

Late Documents — If the signing company or title company was late getting your edocuments in the past, make a note of that. Keep detailed records of each company. Record how fast they paid you on each job. Recalculate their average days to payment every month just to keep records updated. Also, keep records for how late they are sending edocuments or how incompetent they are about keeping their borrowers informed. If you are dealing with a flake, charge more.

Unknown PartiesIf you accept a job from an unknown lender, or one with a bad reputation online, you might charge more, or make them pay up front. You should always charge extra when there is any type of risk involved. . These signings assume risk. Some of the risk is spending an unpredictable amount of time or not getting paid at all.

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4. Payment Terms
If a Lender will only pay you if the loan funds, you need to charge more. Some Lenders will not pay your printing fee if the job gets cancelled, so make sure you know what the terms of the agreement are. Some will pay part of a travel fee if the job gets cancelled mid-way. However, the signing company booked your time, and you can’t give your leftover time to some other company at the last minute just because they needed to cancel. You have to commit your time to them, but do you make companies commit to paying you?

I personally feel that Notaries should set their own terms. You are not a bank, and it is not your job to gamble on whether or not a loan funds. You should be paid before, or within 72 hours of a signing in my opinion. But, you can make your own terms. Beginners have to accept the terms dictated to them, but old pros can make their own terms and get away with it. However, if you do accept terms that limit your ability to guarantee payment, charge a lot more.

Recommended Reading:
Issues to consider when creating a signing agent services contract
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2593

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5. Travel Fees for Non Loan Signing Work
Most Notaries charge $25 to $50 travel fee, and more if it is for jails or hospitals. You also charge by the signature on top of the travel fee. Charge based on how valuable your time is worth. If you are desperate for work, charge less. If your time is limited, charge more. If you have lots of other things to do, you have less supply of time so you can charge more — this is a strategy to consider — so stay busy my friends.

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6. Jails & Hospital Notary Jobs
Charge more for jails and hospitals because these are the jobs where there is a lot more that can go wrong. You also will not be dealing with the cream of the crop. You can get stood up at a jail. Inmates do not have ID and your credible witness or ID carrier might not show up. ID’s might be expired. Hospital patients are often drugged making it impossible to notarize them. Half of them can’t even hold a pen, so how can they possibly sign? Consider this when deciding upon your jail & hospital travel fees which should be $60 to $150 depending on how greedy you are! Some Notaries are afraid to go to jails, but it is safe, and that is where you can make money fast. Just make sure you have them read their ID to you over the phone including expiration date or you will be very sorry. Also, get your travel fee in cash at the door BEFORE you see the signer. They might not be available or might not want to sign! Be prepared!

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7. General Pricing Models
Keep in mind that a few years ago, Notaries could get paid a lot more. With Snapdocs and lower demand, companies can pay a lot less and get away with it.

Situations where you charge more or less
(1) Charge less during the first 17 days of the month. It is slower, and you have more time.
(2) Charge more during the end of the month. Additionally, you can charge more if you schedule a job several days in advance because you might miss out on a better offer. Additionally, jobs scheduled in advance in my day had a 25% cancellation rate which will wreak havoc on your schedule.
(3) Charge less if you are having a slow day and someone needs a last minute signing. If you are doing nothing, why not sell that time.
(4) eSignings have less physical pages, but often take longer because the signer and their spouse need to take turns looking at the computer screen not to mention the chance of delays due to technical issues.
(5) Charge extra if there are three or more signers on a loan.
(6) Charge more if the company cancels a lot
(7) Charge less if a company has a good track record and is easy and fast to deal with — or pleasant!
(8.) Charge more if there are lots of signatures to notarize.

Pricing Recommendations For Beginners. 0-500 signings

Basic Signing $60-$80
E-Documents: $10-$25 extra per double set or 7 cents per page
Pickups: $25 extra
Dropoffs: $20 extra — there is less waiting time during dropoffs
Reverse Mortgages: $100
Piggy Backs: $100
Regular Notary Work Travel Fee: $30 if within 30 minutes
Jail & Hospitals: $50

Pricing Recommendations for Intermediates. 500-3000 signings
Basic Signing: $80-$120; E-Documents: $20-$40 or 10 cents per page; Pickups: $30 extra; Dropoffs: $25 extra; Reverse Mortgages: $125; Piggy Backs: $125; Regular Travel Fee: $40 if within 30 miles; Jails & Hospitals: $70

When to charge in advance
You are not a bank and you should not offer endless credit to any signing company. Some of them will string you along and not pay you or play games with payments making it unclear which job they are paying for. Decide in advance how much credit to give each company and keep records. If you have a six month track record with a company and they pay you on time, you might offer them credit for six jobs. For all others, do one or two jobs, but don’t do any more until you get paid. It is not a bad idea to charge up front with Paypal, but few companies will pay a beginner up front. Ken, our seasoned Notary always gets paid up front, but he is a pro.

(1) New Companies — do one job, but don’t do a second until you get paid for the first unless they have a stellar record for payment on the forums.
(2) Some Track Record — do two jobs, but don’t do a third until you get paid for the first.
(3) Good Track Record — Watch out: good companies can turn bad if they experience financial difficulties or labor shortages. Do not offer credit for more than six jobs no matter what. A good track record should be over at least six months.

Don’t complain
There are many Notaries who have gone out of business because there is too much competition for too few jobs. If you are getting paid, getting experience, and staying afloat, you are ahead of the game. Many Notaries have this idea that they should get $125 per signing ever time. Unfortunately, it no longer works like this. So, take what you can get and just do your best! If you get more experience, you will be worth more in the long run. Additionally, the market could have an upswing at any time, so keep a positive thought.

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Do you have to be a CSS to get work these days?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=8914

A great attitude gets most of the jobs
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6493

Notary Marketing 102’s guide to negotiating Notary fees
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19784

Notary Public 102’s guide to Notary pricing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19781

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May 3, 2016

How to Chase Away Clients

Filed under: Ken Edelstein — Tags: , , — admin @ 3:01 am

How to Chase Away Clients
Through the years, by accident, inattention or just plain stupidity – I have chased away some clients. We all have. Miztakes are a normal part of the human existence. Show me someone who claims to never make mistakes; I will show you a delusional individual. Probably the most offensive mistakes are those resulting in a lack of judgment. The perpetrator knows what they are doing – it’s just that their “bright idea” is offensive to the recipient of their “wisdom”.

I will start out with the antics of a foolish notary that I personally know. And, know enough to avoid that one both personally and in business efforts. This klutz had the understanding that doctors often need notaries (true enough) to process their statements as to the health of a patient. Typically required for adoptions, this process is routine. Thus, the mentally inept one starts properly enough; by defining a market that has a recurring need. That’s good thinking make no mistake about this: fools can think clearly – they just draw the wrong action conclusions.

With the idea of filling the rather restricted cranial cavity, the notary proceeds to develop some advertising. Self praise is piled high, claims to be anywhere in moments, having the lowest fees in town and other nonsense that rambles on and on. What started out as a one page “flyer” morphs into a densely worded manifesto; with an astonishing 5 page length! With the masterpiece ready, self absorption and a lack of respect for others kicks in mightily.

Having the usual unlimited local calling plan, this proceeds to FAX the five pages of rubbish to every doctor, hospital, and clinic within 20 miles! Not bothering to keep records, it is sent multiple times (due to the way they listed their business) to an unfortunate, but now highly vocal few. Of course the ones who received it only once are also outraged. For the next few days the most common phrase in the medical community is “I got the same junk too”. Blacklisted!

The notary did what was thought to be good for the notary. Totally lacking was any consideration for the recipient. The notary quickly became very well known, but in a very negative way. That notary’s notoriety will last forever, possibly extending beyond medical. Mouse brain would have been better off mailing a pencil with an ad. That probably would not be very effective, but it would not create flaming animosity.

Yesterday, I visited, as requested one of my regulars. The location is about 5 minutes away. The owner immediately told me he forgot to reschedule; as the document had not arrived. It was due to arrive today. He told me that today, my second visit, my fee would be double; to pay for my efforts yesterday. I asked for, and received 1.5 of my regular fee; cutting the prior day in half. He asked why I was not accepting 2X my fee. Because it feels right, was my reply.

It’s easy to lose a client and hard to acquire one. That’s a Marketing 101 truism. To chase them away simply put yourself on their side of the transaction. Would you be happy or sad? Picture the humble = symbol. Is the deal = in benefit for both sides? Only a win win arrangement will result in repeat business. Some strive for >= (greater than equal), good for you; not so good for them. Charging $1000 for a 3AM emergency notarization might get the cash; to be followed by a lawsuit for price gouging. Follow your head and your heart, not just your wallet.

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You lose $37.50 each signing you don’t answer the phone
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April 11, 2016

Minimum wage for Notaries

Filed under: NSA Pricing, Fees & Income,Popular on Facebook (comments),Popular on Facebook (shares),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 2:44 am

I was thinking about this yesterday. Notaries would be much more happy if there was some sort of a minimum wage. I remember Ben Carson claimed that there should be a separate minimum wage for people fresh out of high school or college otherwise they might never get hired. Personally, I think the government should stay out of wage setting as it creates artificial market situations which might make it too expensive to do business. If someone is sluggish, minimum wage might be more than they merit. And when you combine minimum wage with taxes, insurance, unemployment, and the rest, it might lead many to outsource their work overseas!

Our average Notary averages $105 per signing.
But, you can’t outsource Notary work overseas — at least not yet. Notaries would feel like they were being treated better if they were paid a fair wage. On the other hand, Notaries surveyed half a year ago were averaging about $105 per signing which is not bad at all. Just because you get bad offers doesn’t mean that you actually do signings for $60. It is sort of like looking at the asking prices for houses on the market. The asking price and the sale price are often very different and will give you a distorted view of the market.

Do beginners have merit?
In any case, I feel that beginner Notaries with no experience and no 123notary certification do not merit a minimum wage. Most of the Notaries I test by phone do not know their documents, signing terminology and additionally do even worse when I ask them simple Notary questions. The fact is that we have a lot of unqualified people out there who feel they are worth a lot. In addition to minimum wage for Notaries, I feel there should be minimum standards as well. I feel that our new 30 point test should be the standard, and a particular test result such as a 14 or 15 should be the minimum to be hired at all.

What should qualified Notaries make?
A Notary who has signed 400 loans (and an prove it with journals) and who has passed the 30 point test with an adequate score in my opinion is entitled to some sort of standardized minimum wage. I feel that

$60 per signing of 5-99 pages
$65 per signing of 100-125 pages
$70 per signing of 126-150 pages
$80 per signing of 150+ pages
10 cents per page for printing
50 cents per page for fax backs

I feel that a Notary with good test scores who has signed 4000 or more loans deserves a lot more than this, but the market can determine their value. Just because you test well, doesn’t mean you show up on time, well dressed and with a good attitude.

What do you think a fair minimum wage for qualified Notaries should be? What about for not so qualified Notaries?

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$40 for a signing 72 miles away?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=14959

Is $75 enough to print 2 sets of docs, notarize & do faxbacks?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10369

The “Met my fee” list of signing companies
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16979

A Notary Union? How would that work?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=18878

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March 6, 2016

Should you send the Fedex right away?

Filed under: Best Practices,Popular on Twitter — Tags: , , — admin @ 11:41 am

I remember out old blog which was a favorite entitled, “Don’t put the Fedex in the drop box.” This article should be entitled, “Put the Fedex in the Staffed Station’s drop box as fast as possible.”

My question that I asked many Notaries was…

A Notary did a signing for Joe. Joe signed all of the documents except for the Flood Disclosure which he wouldn’t sign simply because his lender Chad never got back to him about the document. Joe and the Notary waited for 20 minutes with no return call. So, the Notary loaded up the documents and put it in the Fedex. The Notary is driving away and it is about noon-ish. Should the Notary take the Fedex straight to the Fedex station or wait?

Answer #1.
Most Notaries claim that it is good to hold on to the package just in case the Lender calls. But, if the Lender calls, do you really have time to go all the way back to the borrower’s house to sign a single document and stay on the phone for half an hour? Don’t you have anything else to do with your life? The Lender never gave you instructions to wait, so why wait? Additionally, there are many reasons why waiting could sabotage the loan. 123notary has heard of various situations where a Notary forgot to come to an appointment or drop a package. These include:

(a) The Notary got another rush job at the last minute and forgot all about dropping the package off.
(b) The Notary’s six year old daughter hit her head and he had to come rushing home and forgot all about the Fedex.
(c) The Notary got hit by a car and was so shaken up he forgot to send the package.

In real life, unexpected situations come up more than you would expect. If that Fedex doesn’t get sent out, the borrower could lose his loan and his lock. There is no reason to keep the package. The document that was not signed was NOT A NOTARIZED document. The borrower can handle it on his own.

Answer #2
Drop it off as fast as possible.
The Lender might not like that you didn’t wait. But, why should you let him waste your time unless he is paying for your time. It is the Lender’s fault for not explaining the document to the signer before the signing. It is the signer’s fault for not signing the document. Why are you holding yourself hostage for the convenience of people who sabotaged their own signing? They are not paying you for your delay. Go on and get to your next item of business and let these nitwits deal with their own problem. The borrower’s copies will have a copy of the disclosure or the Lender can email another copy.

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The Notary, The Mafia & The Fedex Drop Box
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=6867

Don’t put the Fedex in the drop box
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=2831

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January 6, 2016

Notary Jury Duty

Filed under: General Stories,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular Overall — Tags: , , , , , — admin @ 12:34 pm

I was just at Jury duty. I was lucky. I was called in to a nine day case. I sat on the bench and listened to each one of eighteen individuals introduce themselves one by one. The Attorneys asked everyone questions. After several hours, I was asked if I had any negative experiences with the Police and I said that I had. I was released shortly after that. I am not at liberty to discuss the case, so I won’t.

It seems that Jury duty supports the rights of Americans. The rights of particular Americans — namely Defendants. However, it doesn’t support the rights of the Jury members who are virtual hostages. I think that Jurors who are self-employed, medical professionals, or other busy people should have the option to serve at night so that we don’t have to sacrifice our work. Additionally, I feel that instead of serving one day or one trial, we should serve a particular number of days each four year period.

Say for instance that you are super busy at work, and then Jury duty hijacks you and forces you to serve on a 12 day trial. They will no longer accept hardship excuses from most people in California. When you come into Jury duty you can’t plan your life. You don’t know if you will get called into service at all during your designated week. And if you are required to show up, will you sit in that big room all daylong to daydream or will you get picked on a murder trial that will last six months? It is not fair to the Juror.

My suggestion is have 10 days of service every 4 years. If your service is above 10 days because a trial drags on, you should get paid $150 per day regardless of what you normally earn. We are putting in our time as slaves for the benefit of the defendants. They should pay if they use more of our time than they deserve. Can you imagine using 12 Jurors plus back ups day after day for a long drawn out case? It almost happened to me. You could do your ten days all at once, or you could go trial by trial and spread it out over several years. You should also be able to choose day or night, or weekend court. Jury duty should be for the convenience of the Jurors,not for the convenience of the Judge and Attorneys who are getting paid a huge salary. The Jurors get nothing!

But, what if you were a Notary sitting in that big room turning tricks while waiting? It is not illegal, and you could make a fortune! Have your clients come to you. Just hope to God you don’t get called, otherwise no notary income for you for potentially many days.

ATTORNEY: Now, Mr. Swengsly, do you consider the duties of a live in maid to be something they should be accountable 24 hours a day, or less than that?

NOTARY: Ummm, just as long as they keep the joint clean. Can you hold on a second, I think my client is at the door.

JUDGE: Order in the court. What is going on?

NOTARY: Oh, I thought I could have my notary client meet me here. They need an Affidavit signed. It will only take a minute.

JUDGE: Are you trying to show contempt of court?

NOTARY: No your honor, I’m trying not to! (whispering) sign right here… perfect. Raise your right hand…

JUDGE: I’ve never seen anything like this. You are relieved of Jury duty effective this instant.

NOTARY: Oh great. Just one second. Do you solmenly swear to…

JUDGE: OUT!!!!

CLIENT: Let’s continue this in the snack bar next to the metal detector.

JUDGE: In my 35 years as a Judge I have never seen anything like this — BAILIFF!!!

In short, I feel that Jury duty is a valuable American tradition and system. However, I feel that Jurors are treated like dispensable slaves and treated with complete disregard as far as their personal lives go. Your life is put on hold indefinitely for someone else’s court case. Can’t they hire retired people or college kids on summer break for the long ones?

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Notaries without makeup
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15405

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January 1, 2016

Notary aptitude test

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular Overall — Tags: , , , — admin @ 12:42 pm

Have you ever had your aptitude tested as a Notary? Other than the various certification tests? Well, maybe it’s about time that you did! But, what types of questions would be asked? Maybe it would be like the NSAT. The Notary SAT’s.

(1) Stamp is to Fraud as Pen is to:
(a) omission (b) signature (c) backdating (d) ink

(2) Name on document is to Name on ID as Name on signature is to:
(a) Name on AKA statement (b) Name on occupancy statement (c) Fees on the HUD (d) Name on Notary Seal

(3) Date of Rescision is to Signature Date as New Year’s Eve is to:
(a) A really bad hangover (b) A party that was “rescinded” early (c) Midnight of the 4th (d) The 3rd (e) Confession where the borrower says, “Forgive me Father, for I have rescinded.”

(4) The Signature date is to the Rescission Date what Backdating is to:
(a) The Document Date (b) The Transaction Date (c) the day before the Signature Date (d) The eDocument Date

(5) Notary is to Signing Agent what Mortgage Broker is to:
(a) Escrow Agent (b) Title Agent (c) Settlement Agent (d) A really good Mortgage Broker who actually knows what he/she is doing

(6) A Notary who doesn’t cross out the he/she/they is to Mortgage Broker as a Mortgage broker who:
(a) Is always late (b) Rips off his borrowers (c) Doesn’t explain the terms of the loan or why the APR is so high to the borrowers (d) Multitasks as an Escrow agent.

Hope you enjoyed this little test. It was fun to write.

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July 10, 2015

Jane the Virgin Notary

Filed under: Best Humorous Posts,Humorous Posts,Popular on Facebook (A little),Popular on Linked In,Popular on Twitter 2014 & 2015 — Tags: , , , — admin @ 9:47 am

Disclaimer: This post may not be appropriate for those of you who have lost their virginity, or their sense of humor!

Jane goes to her first signing for the Owens. They are going to sign a Refinance and get a better rate.

Mr. OWENS: Welcome Jane. So, you are going be our Notary tonight.

JANE: This is my first time.

Mr. OWENS: Gee that’s interesting. When the last Notary showed up, I asked, “Are you experienced?”

JANE: Wow, you have quite a record collection over there. I bet you have a lot of Hendrix.

Mrs. OWENS: Just make sure he doesn’t call you foxy lady.

JANE: So, I’ve never done this before.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ll be gentle.

JANE: Okay, so here’s the Deed of Trust. Just initial here, and sign here.

Mr. OWENS: So you haven’t done the Deed or the dirty Deed yet.

JANE: I can attest to the fact that I haven’t, and bear witness to the fact that I’ve never been with a bare witness.

Mrs. OWENS: But, he’s not bare!

Mr. OWENS: Is that the naked truth?

JANE: I’m going to affix my seal now. Brace yourselves.

Mr. OWENS: Oh, that looks very therapeutic, just like… well, you know…

JANE: Well, I wouldn’t know. I’m not only a virgin as a signing agent, but I’m also still a virgin in real life.

Mrs. OWENS: Well knock us over with a feather. If you dropped any more hints, I would have gotten out my chastity belt. Can we affix you up with someone? I know a nice Notary who lives not far from here. He’ll understand all of that mumbo jumbo you folks talk about at signings that confuses us like scilicit which is an archaic Latin term.

JANE: Oh, I thought you were talking about soliciting which I’ve never done because I’m a … well, you know.

Mr. OWENS: If you did that with another Notary whose term hasn’t expired, you’d be doing it in the commissionary position.

JANE: I don’t even know what that is.

Mr. OWENS: Don’t worry honey, after a few more signings, you’ll really be on top of things… unless of course you prefer to have the signers on top.

Mrs. OWENS: So, what comes next?

JANE: I thought you’ve done this before. We just need to sign these last three documents, and then we’re done.

Mrs. OWENS: Okay, we’re done. That felt good.

Mr. OWENS: Was it good for you?

Mrs. OWENS: I think this was our best signing honey. I really liked how you signed the HUD. Wow Jane, you look completely different. Look George, she’s glowing!

JANE: Wow, I feel completely different now.

Mr. OWENS: Does it bother anyone if I smoke?

Mrs. OWENS: Since when do you smoke?

Mr. OWENS: I always smoke after a signing, or after a book burning if the book is 50 shades of gray.

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May 11, 2015

Here is an easy way to make $4000 more per year

Filed under: Marketing Articles,Popular on Facebook (very),Popular on Linked In — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:36 pm

Most notaries are complaining that there is not enough work to go around. They are right — there isn’t. However, there are certain people who get most of the work when there is work. The trick is to become one of those people. The listings that get the most work have a few reviews from satisfied clients, a great notes section, a company name, high placement, and last but not least — 123notary certification.

But, I don’t “Need” your certification. I’m already “certified!”
Unfortunately for you, the people who use our site do not reward notaries for being NNA certified. This is not my decision, it is theirs. NNA certified notaries on 123notary get no more or no less business than any of our other notaries. However, those certified by 123notary get 78% more clicks and more than double (2.5x) the new jobs (generated from our site) than those who aren’t. More than double sounds good to me.

From 3 jobs per week to 3 jobs per day
A few years ago when the economy was better, one notary raved to us that the minute he passed our certification test, he went from getting three jobs per week to three jobs per day. That is phenomenal, and a true story. His luck was considerably better than most other notaries, but statistically, the other notaries did quite well too.

15-100 jobs a year is average
Although the industry is slow, notaries with a p#10 preferential spot on 123notary get around 15-100 jobs per year based on people who we talk to in those positions. Those who get less than that either have already dropped out or will soon drop out. Consider that you are on the low end of the totempole getting 15 jobs a year and our certification helps you get 36 jobs per year. You would be making an additional $2000 per year as a result of your two hours of effort studying and taking our test. That is $1000 per hour assuming you drop out after a single year.

How would the average notary benefit from 123notary certification?
Let’s assume that the average notary stays on 123notary for three years which is somewhat true. The actual number of years for paying listings is around that level although free listings sometimes get removed prematurely if they have bad stats. Let’s say that our average uncertified notary gets 30 jobs per year from our site. Getting certified would raise that total statistically to 75 jobs which is 45 additional jobs which would account for around $4000 extra income in a year. So, multiply three years by $4000 and you get $12000.

Your time is worth $6000 per hour studying for our cert test.
Over the life of your career, the average notary would get $12,000 more income as a result of passing our test which takes about two hours in study time, plus a 6.5 minute online test. Two hours of your time will net you $12,000 in the next several years. It is like a goose that lays golden eggs.

But, you are busy.
What else are you doing that is more important? Many notaries are too busy to do something worth $6000 per hour and get offended when I mention that what they are doing “might” be slightly less important or valuable than studying for our test. What are you doing and what is the value of that work?

Studying for our test: $6000 per hour in long term financial benefit (before expenses)
Doing a notary job: $15-40 per hour (after expenses)
Daydreaming: Zero
Going to a birthday party: Zero
Cleaning house: Zero
Browsing Facebook: Zero
Getting a neck tattoo: Varies

The bottom line is that you clutter your life with tasks which are not optimally valuable, so when an important task needs to be done, you simply don’t have time. My suggestion is that you schedule your other work around your important tasks, rather than putting off the important tasks, otherwise you’ll never get ahead. Schedule your study time in your calendar, make sure your passwords work, and just do it. It might be safer to schedule three non-consecutive days just in case you need more time or have technical difficulties.

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March 27, 2015

Notary Etiquette from Atheist to Zombie

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Etiquette,Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , , , , — admin @ 6:41 am

AKA: How to be polite when you’re in Affix!

Atheist etiquette
If you are notarizing an Atheist and he/she sneezes, don’t say God bless you.

Don’t sell people’s signatures
If you are notarizing a celebrity — Don’t rip out the portion of your journal with their autograph on it and sell it on ebay. That is considered to be bad manners in certain circles and is also a violation of notary law! Don’t sell your roommate’s notary seal on ebay either.

Don’t second guess family relations.
If you notarize who you think is the guy’s mother, but the woman is the guy’s wife, keep it to yourself. I once asked a guy, if I was going to notarize his mother, then he said, “That’s my wife.” — awkward… Oh, and don’t ask people if they are lesbian lovers even if you are asked to notarized an affidavit of domicile. Let them volunteer that information if they care to do so.

Guns & Religion
If you bring a gun to a signing, don’t talk about other loaded subjects like religion. On the other hand, if you go to a signing in a church, circumvent the issue of circumcision. If the phone rings during a Church signing, if it ain’t Jesus, don’t answer it.

If you are doing a signing for a hunter, should you bring up guns?
It’s worth a shot!

Tips for Notarizing Assassins
Avoid asking an assassin any direct questions such as, “What do you do?” Rather, ask more roundabout open ended questions, such as, “Have you done anything interesting recently with your career?” After all, if their deeds were done in some African country, they can speak freely in the United States about it with no fear of an awkward moment at a party.
If you make a mistake notarizing an assassin, don’t say, “SHOOT!”
If you are doing a signing for an assassin, make sure you include their middle name in the document.
I once asked an assassin, what is the difference between a murder and an assassination — where do you draw the line?

Loud televisions
Instead of bluntly asking someone to turn the TV down, you can say, “It’s very hard to hear you — did you say you liked your rate, or that you were having trouble staying awake?”
If you are mumbling under your breath, “What an idiot” in the context of asking someone to turn their TV down: make sure you say that with a safe margin of error before they actually turn the TV down.
If an elderly relative is watching a loud television. Politely let them know that you don’t want to let them know that you don’t want to become as deaf as they evidently are.

Notary Notes Sections
Rather than write the regular stuff in your notes section, you could write, “I will never insult the borrower, and I have a policy against parking in people’s lawns.”

Going to the bathroom in an outhouse
Notaries should never make a signer feel uncomfortable about having an outhouse. You should gracefully address the issue, but only if you actually are forced by natural causes to use that infrastructure. “I just loved the quarter moon in your outhouse, how quaint.”
“I just loved the latest issue of Outhouse & Gardens that I read while I was doing my business.”

Signings with beautiful women
If they ask you to do a Deed, it will be far more disappointing than doing “The Deed.”

Tips for Notarizing Zombies
It is considered bad manners for the notary to participate in the chanting, especially after they bring out the dead chicken, unless given express permission, otherwise it might cancel out the curse. Never tell a zombie that they look deathly ill — rather, tell them that they look deathly well. If you are having a zombie swear to the authenticity of a curse, it might be wiser to have the swear to a written version of the curse verbiage rather than to have them do a completely sworn Oath (otherwise you might become cursed or start hearing voices.) If asked to notarize a zombie’s death certificate, rather than claiming that it is against notary law to do so, ask them, “Which one?”

Popular Zombie Documents
It is common to have a formal Affidavit of transfer of Custodianship of Soul. This is where the zombie officially grants Power of Attorney to the “Bokor” or sorceror to have full control over their soul and body (or what’s left of it.) Please be advised that many zombies only have half a soul.

If a zombie commits perjury, it is punishable by life in prison. But, it is not stipulated which soul will inhabit the body during the sentence.

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