Just for the record, it is illegal to notarize a dead person, so I advise that you don’t break the law in any way, shape or form. I also recommend that you defend the constitution from all enemies foreign and domestic. It is the domestic ones who are the worst these days. Since it is April Fools day, I took the liberty of publishing this silly article. Here are my points.
1. Six Feet Under
Dead people are normally six feet under which satisfies the social distancing requirements. Unfortunately it might be hard to see them and identify them if you are separated by six feet of dirt. But, you could improvise.
2. Notarizing Spirits
If you notarize a spirit, make sure the spirit has ID, and that it is good spirits. I’m not sure how that applies or what that means. I think a human might be in good spirits, if happy spirits are around us. I noticed that during the period of spiritual darkness in mid 2020 my mood declined due to the pervasive influence of malevolent spirits. I was told that would go away in April 2021. Let’s hope for the best.
3. Notarizing a Voice
If you notarize a voice for someone in an insane asylum, first of all realize that all of us hear voices. Some people hear them louder than others or more frequently. The problem is if you believe the voice. I am mildly clarevoyant and regularly talk to the spirit of my guru, healer spirits and a particular angel, but I know these “people” well and know what is in character for them to say. But, the voices that crazy people hear might be demonic spirits. The voices might be “real” , but not savory. But, the bottom line is that the voice must physically appear before you and present ID to be notarized.
4. Dead People Vote for Democrats
The joke is that living people usually vote for Republicans, but vote Democrat after they die. If you are notarizing ballots in any mail-in election, it might be hard to do signature verification on a dead person. It might require some creativity. But, in defense of states requiring notarized ballots, those states were not questioned by Trump’s Attorneys. So, Giuliani must have some faith in the notarization process. He should send some of his signature cigars out to Notaries who did a good job.
5. Half Dead
People who are half dead in a hospital who cannot think clearly or communicate well or hold a pen properly are prime risk for lawsuits. One in seven notaries on our site who has been in business full-time for several years ended up in court. If you want to increase your chances of appearing before a judge, engage in risky hospital notarizations. It pays to speak directly to the signer for hospital signings. If they are sleeping and cannot talk to you, that is a bad sign.
6. The Vaccine
My psychic says that those who take the vaccine will become infertile, genetically adulterated and become the living dead and we will have something like a zombie apocalypse of some sort. He said they would become something inhuman. I’m not sure about his credibility, but there is aluminum and some DNA strings that can affect your immunity in various ways which is not natural and scary. I wouldn’t take it. But, you might have to notarize the half dead one day so brace yourself.
7. Carmen
Carmen passed away in late July, 2020. She doesn’t need to be notarized in heaven, but if you want to chat with her, get used to communicating with the dead. She still has a good sense of humor and might give you some good tips.
Summary
This article is for comedic purposes only and you cannot legally notarize a dead person’s signature even if they signed before they died. Don’t try it.
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