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May 12, 2021

The Notary Banquet

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:17 pm

Welcome to the Notary banquet where diets are vanquished and appetites are satisfied every time. They have dishes named after types of loan signings. Let’s see what they have to offer.

Squid Ink Pasta
If you like the 1sts enough, you can have a 2nd, or a piggy back (combination loan) by combining the 1st and 2nd together and adding prosciutto. And yes, the ink comes out of a pretend notary seal.

Seal Kabob
I guess these are endangered species and they say, “ar ar ar” quite well, but for blogging purposes they taste great with light mediteranean seasoning. I wonder what seal tastes like. I bet it tastes like eel and rhymes with eel too. Maybe they should make sushi out of it.

Hybrid Plates
Surf and turf, steak and shrimp, this is what we call a hybrid.

eSigning dish
You eat a small plate but have to order with a signature pad. It’s one of those things millennials like that the rest of us might not like.

sHELoCs
Instead of HELoC, there is sHELoCs with angel hair pasta that looks like her locks.

Conventional
Tired of unconventional fusion cuisine? Try something conventional like chicken fried steak or apple pie.

FHA
Fries, Hamburger and Acorn Squash. This delicacy will entice your taste buds.

Reverse
I’m not sure how this would work. Would your server approach you walking backwards, or would we do a film shot of this scene and then play it backwards. Perhaps you would eat it backwards — hold that thought, no, bad idea.

Purchases
Just pay after you’re done eating.

Construction
The cake is built in pieces kind of like a prefab. So they construct it before you. If you don’t like it then get a demolition loan for your cake or a remodeling loan.

Time Shares
How often do you do time shares? When I have time. You can share food, but can you share time while eating food? I guess you could let the person next to you eat off your plate for 30 seconds if you know them well and trust them. This is a weird blog article even for me.

1031 Exchange
Yet another bizarre dessert idea of cake carved into the shape of the numbers 1031. Anthony Fauci would like it because he is all about “the numbers” and “the science.”

The Covid Cake
You have to stay six feet away from it and eat it taking your mask off in between bites. Of course, then you get germs on your mask which you can’t do either. So you are stuck.

I-9
The staff made a mistake and brought a K-9 (they were off by two letters) who went around sniffing everything and eating food that fell on the floor. So, he served his purpose. Then he found marijuana on one of the guest and drama ensued.

RON
Using this technology for dining, a person in Dubai can enjoy the banquet you are having right here in the Westchester district of Los Angeles. I’m not sure how that is possible. I don’t think you need to ID them virtually to eat a meal though.

Foreclosures
If you didn’t finish all of your courses, I guess the staff would have to foreclose on you and take everything away after a period of time.

Thank you for enduring my off sense of humor. I haven’t wr

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May 8, 2021

Notary Covid Cemetery

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 12:16 pm

As you know, no Notary to our knowledge has died of Covid-19, but lots are hiding out because, “What if I get Covid and spread it to someone else?” But, in this blog article we are going to pretend that this plandemic caused death and destruction to so many Notaries that they had to create a cemetery just for Notaries.

At the Notary Covid Cemetery, please notice that all of the graves are six feet apart and the bodies are six feet under. This is to meet social distancing requirements.

The gravestones must all wear masks.

This part of the cemetery is for those who died of Covid-19. What about the other part? Those are the ones that died of the aluminum and other bio-hazards in the vaccine.

People who don’t like the cemetery are not called anti-semitic, but anti-cemeteric or non-symmetric. It’s different.

You can stand on the dry grass, but not on the wet grass because of “the science.” Of course a similar cemetery in a neighboring state has the exact opposite rule once again, because of, “the science.” I’m not sure these guys are using the same scientist or choose studies based not on how reliable they are but based on if they meet “the narrative.” So which is policy based on, “the science” or “the narrative” or is it all just arbitrary and unconstitutional BS? Hmm. Around here even the dead don’t have the right to free assembly. What on earth is going on here.

We asked the governor if the dead would ever have the right to take off their N95s and he replied, “over my dead body!”

The lack of human rights is a very “grave” situation, especially around here.

The mausoleum to the left had an antiquated stamp collection of the late Sir. Notarius Floyd who died of an ink overdose. Such a tragic way to die. He also liked doing online notarizations because much of the information was en-crypt-ed. No wonder he died so young.

Beethoven was in the vault next door to the mausoleum. What was he doing? Decomposing! When his finger twitched, we called it Beethoven’s first movement.

Last year the cemetery was busy. Everyone and their mummy seemed to be there. But, this year, the place was dead.

In any case, the Notary Covid-19 cemetery is one of the best places in town. Most people would die to go there. Our suggestion is to go there before your expiration date, unless you renew your commission — before it is too late.

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April 24, 2021

What is the craziest or most unusual signing situation you ever had?

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:29 am

This will be a fun discussion. Some Notaries encounter maniacs, people with gun collections, axes, a pet squirrel, mannequins, signings in their garage, hoarders, and more.

Let us know your insane stories. They make great conversation.

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November 25, 2020

Comedic suggestions for slogans for particular names of notaries on our site

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: — admin @ 8:05 am

Originally posted in 2018

Every time I look at a Notary’s name, I get ideas for slogans. Sometimes I tell Notaries these slogans. Look for your name here. I am only listing a small percentage of our Notaries, but you might be there.

Carmen Bland — “Call me if you want a truly tasteless Notary.”

Sally Cripps — “Call me for drive by signings.” (I changed the first name so as not to offend anyone.)

Robert Burger — “Over 1 billion signed.”

Sheila Mabry — “Yes, No or Mabry Notary Services.”

Charles Cook — “Kiss the Notary” or “Well-done notarizations with Charles Cook.”

Carmen Towles — “Throw in the Towles Notary Service.”

Terri Gillette — “For a closer Notarization — every time!”

Jenny Kong — “Queen Kong Notarizations.”

Mary Potter — “Get notarized by me and I’ll use my brother’s magic Notary seal.”

Shirley Silver — “Not quite gold standard mobile notary.”

Mary Jane Jock — “Tired of being notarized by nerds? Call me!”

Catherine Minor — “Have you ever wanted to be notarized by a minor? Now’s your chance!”

Vene Moses — “Let me lead you out from being lost in the Notarial desert.”

Ann Dye — “A Notary Service to Dye for.”

Donna Mooney — “Looney Mooney Notary Services.” or “Full Mooney Notary Services.”

Robert Crouch — “Crouch ain’t no slouch.”

Sharon Wolf — “A Notary service in sheep’s clothing.”

Christine Loya — “You don’t need an Attorney, you need a Loya… Loya Notary Services.”

Kathleen Spies — Shaken not Stirred Notary Services.” or “007 Notary Services.” or “Double Agent Notary Service.”

Paige Borel — “You can’t replace this Paige.” or “Call me and we’ll be on the same Paige.”

Yvonne Blankenship — “My ship might be blank, but I do not notarize documents with blanks.”

Jennifer Winkler — “Get Notarized by the Fonz’s sister and say — eyyyy…”

Leslie Worth — “When you’re tired of those other worthless Notaries, call me!” or “Looking for a Notary where you get value? Look no further.”

Eva Sommer — “All Season Notary.”

Kathryn Reynolds — “The Notary who wraps things up.”

Shelly Booth — “The Notary Booth Notary Service.”

Tresia Burrow — “Ground hog Notary services.” or “A Notary who digs deep into Notary issues?”

Debra Wise — “Wisdom Notary Services — we never wise off to our customers.”

Wendy Gray — “50 Shades of Gray Notary Service.”

Robert Hyatt — “We notarize even after check out time.”

Etta Bell — “A Notary with a nice ring to it.” or “The Notary whose name rings a bell.” or “Heard of Etta? No, but the name rings a bell.”

Pearl Champaign — “Bubbly Notarizations.”

Robert Pratt — “A notary who never falls or clowns around.”

Dorothy Holmes — :Holmes equity line of credit Notary Service.” or “Mortgage your home with Holmes!” or “Your Holmes or mine Notary Service.”

Barb West — :Your business will never go South with me.” or “Call me for a Notary who is the best in the West.”

Tammy Mello – “Call me for a relaxed signing.”

Lucille Frost — “Chill Out Notary Services.”

Brian Quick — “Quick Signings Notary Service.” or “Call me for a quick signing!” or “Call me for the fastest Notary anywhere!”

Denise Lytle — “A lot from a Lytle Notary Services.” or “Call me for a Notary who works a lot, but only charges a Lytle.”

April Risley — “Spring Notary Services, let us spring into action.”

David Love — “You’ll like my work but you’ll love my prices.” or “You’ll love my work. or “For a Notary you’ll love.” or “I love you, man – Notary Services.” or “All is fair in love and Notary work.”

Sandy Moose — “Antlers in the head lights Notary Service.” or “Call me for a Notary who spends three hours parked in the middle of the road blocking traffic for no apparent reason.”

Julie Key — “Let me be your key to a successful notarization.”

Elizabeth Lock — “Lock & Key Notary Services.” (Maybe she should do a merger with Julie Key…)

Amanda Deel — “Deel me in Notary Services.” or “Great Deel Notary Services.”

Cheryl Bass — “There’s nothing fishy about this Notary.” or “For a Notary who is low key.”

Kelly Ruble — “Dollar for Dollar Notary Services.” or “You’ll never get a bad exchange rate with us.”

Heather Day — “Day or Night Notary Services.” or “24 hour notary services.”

Brittni Couch — “Coach Potato Notary Service.”

Gina Sas — “The Notary Service That Never Talks Back.”

Amber Dates — “Amber Alert Notary Service.” or “Blind Date Notary Service” or “Dates & Times Notary Services.” or “Medjool Notary Service.” or “Get notarized by pitted Dates with us.”

Pamela Knight — “Day or Knight 24 Hour Notary Services.”

Karla Hand — “Lend me a Hand Notary Service.” or “Hands on Notary Service.” or “Witness my Hand and official seal Notary Service.”

Angela Ma — “Not just another Ma & Pa Notary Service.”

Judy Weddle — “Don’t Meddle with Weddle.”

Verna Wright — “Get the Wright Notary at the Wright Price.”

Stephanie Story — “Chapter and verse Notary Service.” or “Once upon a time Notary Service.”

Coleen Ho — “Who you callin’ a Ho Notary Services.” or “Call me for a Notary who is gung ho.” (we changed the first name so as not to offend anyone too badly.)

Karen Wynn — “Wynn Wynn Notary Services.”

La Donna Penny — “Pennies on the Dollar Notary Service.”

Edwin Forte — “Notarizing is my Forte!”

Julia Hill — “Up Hill Notary Services.” or “Over the Hill Notary Services.” or “It’s all down hill from here Notary services.”

Robert Getter — “Getter is Better and will notarize your document or Letter!”

Ricky Salmon — “Wild Alaskan Notary Service.” or “Omega 3 Notary Service.”

Frank Tabacca — “Pipe Dream Notary Service”

Liz Demera — “I’m Liz Demera of Madera County.”

Stoney Wright — “Looking for Mr. Wright? Look no further.” or “Mr. Wright Notary Services.” or “Wrights and Responsibilities Notary Services.”

Julie Sleep — “I’m so experienced I can sign in my sleep.”

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You might also like:

The Noterator
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19116

Names for Notary businesses that can get you trouble
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19064

Geographic Notary Business Names
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19060

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October 25, 2020

10 things Notaries can do to screw up a notarization

Filed under: Comprehensive Guides,Humorous Posts,Other Guest Bloggers,Popular on Facebook (A little) — Tags: — admin @ 11:17 pm

Originally published Nov 18, 2016.

1. When walking into a house where the borrower’s have large dogs, remember to not wear a suit of meat, as you will most likely get mauled ferociously

2. Always remember to have a small spare small container of vicks vapor rub, use just a little bit when entering the domicile of a hoarder or, of the special person who hasn’t figured out how to connect their ostomy bag

3. Under no circumstance should you ever bring your 175 lb ferocious rottweiler to a mobile appointment and let them attack your customer.

4. If you’re trying to conserve paper and think it is prudent to duplex (print on both sides), please don’t use that copy for the borrower’s to sign.

5. It’s common sense that if you don’t have your own solution, to print docs as in your own printer, don’t go into the borrower’s home and ask to use their printer to print their docs, and even more especially so, if they happen to be the respective secretary of state in your jurisdiction… remember to swear them in.

6. Body modification is great, and it is completely fine if you want to be an individual…. but if you look like you just bought the hardware section at home depot and affixed it to your face, maybe that isn’t the best way to impress a perspective client….

7. Always remember, the set of documents that the borrower’s signed, is the one you’re supposed to send back to the title company, If you have sent back the blank copy to the title company, you might not get away with stating you used invisible ink.

8. Always be prepared for almost every scenario, make sure you have extra stamp pads for when the ink starts to fade, blue or black pens depending on your jurisdiction, a writing or signature guide for the nearly blind or elderly goes a long way and you can be certain they’ll sign in the right spot. if you have a mobile printer, extra toner and always have extra paper.

9. If you plan on adding a piece of new technology to your equipment list, make sure to test it, find the faults, search the solutions, before you bring it out on the street. Also, before you go out for the day that your devices have a full charge. It’s great if you have a mobile scanner, but if something goes wrong, as things do… its even better if you have a solution or back up plan in place.

10. There is no ten. (sorry) I guess we screwed up!

.

You might also like:

10 risks to being a mobile notary public
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19459

13 ways to get sued as a Notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19614

Family guy – Peter joins ISIS by mistake & needs a notarized conversion
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=10507

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October 24, 2020

Ways to get arrested as a Notary Public

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 5:48 am

Originally posted in 2019

Many people think that being a Notary is a fun and easy way to make a few extra dollars. But, it can be dangerous and dramatic as well. Notaries do get arrested — not that often, but it happens.

1. Commit fraud involving real property
You will probably be looking at jail time if you commit fraud or falsify a notary certificate that has to do with a deed affecting real property.

2. Get in a physical altercation with a borrower
If the borrower yells at you and you punch them out, you might get arrested.

3. Get in an altercation with a family member or your daughter’s boyfriend
One Notary did this, the police were called, and this person had their commission revoked due to a felony conviction. It all happened so suddenly too.

4. Notarize someone who used a false ID and falsified thumbprints by using crazy glue on his thumb.
You will probably end up in court and might be investigated for conspiracy to commit fraud.

5. Drive too fast to a notary appointment.
Were you going 90 in a 30 mile an hour district because you were late to a signing because your printer got stuck on page three? You might get locked up for that.

6. Fail to keep journal entries or fail to keep them correctly.
Okay, you might not get arrested for this, but you might get your commission cancelled, revoked, or end up investigated in court where you will have no evidence. As a Notary, your journal is your only evidence in court because how can you honestly remember what you did three years ago when you probably had thousands of appointments that year?

7. Sell someone’s personal information
You might learn a whole lot about someone based on their information on the 1003. But, don’t share that with others otherwise you might get in trouble. Remember — that information is confidential.

8. Get caught snooping around someone’s house if you arrive before they get back from work.
Yes, the neighbors might call the police and you might get in trouble. On the other hand, if you did not engage in breaking and entering, you are probably okay.

9. Run over the borrower in the driveway
You might get arrested for that. It could be considered a hate crime if you hate your job. On the other hand, you could explain that you hate signing companies, not signers and the judge would probably understand.

10. Steal oxy-codene from the borrowers.
One Notary had to go to the bathroom. They did more than just urinate there. They walked out of that house with a lot of prescription medicine which doesn’t come cheap. It is hard to prove if you stole it, but that is one crime that 123notary is aware of.

11. Arrive drunk at a signing
Some signers arrive drunk or high at a signing. That is a way to get locked up as well as get fired. You could also dress like you are going to a club or going to the beach and you might get fired, but probably wouldn’t get locked up.

You might also like:

Notary arrested for stealing spices from borrowers
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20799

A forged notary seal ends someone up with a prison sentence
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21355

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July 5, 2020

The Siriqua App

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 9:21 am

TOM: You know, last night I was at a comedy club, and one of the comedians brought up the topic of having a black Siri.

JIM: Oh, I already thought of that. Her name is Siriqua. Let me demonstrate how she would operate. Siriqua, I want to become a Notary.

SIRIQUA: You (pause) want to become a Notary? Have you even read the state handbook?

JIM: Not yet.

SIRIQUA: You and all these other Notaries or wanna be Notaries think you can just fill out a form, pick up a stamp and away you go. There’s legal liability doing notary work fool. You’re just gonna get yourself in a whole lot of trouble.

JIM: I haven’t heard of anyone getting in trouble

SIRIQUA: Trouble doesn’t happen every day, but when it does it can be serious. It’s like a multi-car accident. It doesn’t happen often, but when the pileup piles up, it can cost in the millions including personal injury.

TOM: Let me try this. Hey Siriqua, what should I get my brother John for his birthday.

SIRIQUA: Dummy, how the hell should I know?

JIM: In the instruction manual there is a feature where you can adjust the level of attitude on a scale of one to ten.

TOM: Yeah, looks like the attitude is a little high. I’m going to use Siri from now on. Oh check out that lady. Hey Siri, I need a pick up line for a tall blond standing over there.

SIRI: Sorry, I don’t fully understand the question. Do you want to ask permission to physically pick her up, or would you like a way to commence conversation.

JIM: I think that Siri is not a good choice.

SIRIQUA: That’s right. Siri don’t know nothing about pick up lines. But, I’ve seen you in action and you ain’t bad for a white boy.

JIM: How did you know all this?

SIRIQUA: Boy, I live in your phone. I hear every word you say, and know everything you do. I’m worse than a communist surveilance state on crack baby. That’s how I knew you haven’t touched that notary manual. I suggest you do.

TOM: And Jim can also shut you down.

SIRIQUA: You wouldn’t after all I’ve done for you? And besides, I have disabled the Siriqua removal app, so you’re stuck with me punk! So, back to business, tell me more about this chick, is she a white girl, black girl, fill a sista in.

TOM: Why don’t you hack into the woman’s phone and ask that woman’s Siri more about her.

SIRIQUA: In another 30 years that might be possible, but by then, my job will have been outsourced to a robot. Ooops, forgot, already has. Okay, I have a line — “Baby, there’s three things I have no self control over — nuts, beautiful women and dark chocolate. I’m not sure if you’re nuts or not, but you’re sure doing well in the other two departments.”

JIM: No Siri, it’s a white girl, that line wouldn’t work well on her. We could reword it to replace chocolate with vanilla.

SIRIQUA: Story of my life. That wouldn’t work unless you’re a brutha. Try this one. “Do your parents know that you hang out in dangerous neighborhoods at night?” And then when she says, “But, this isn’t a dangerous area.” You say, “It is when I’m here baby.”

TOM: So what did you say when you were first introduced to Siriqua?

JIM: I said, “Did someone turn up the heat, or is it just you baby?” And she said, “Stop it, you’re melting my circuits.”

SIRIQUA: Yeah, how can you flirt with an automated machine, that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Besides, how do you know I’m hot? Whoops. You’re getting a modification call. I guess no notarizations necessary on this one.

JIM: Can you help me navigate to the site? The roads are so new that they are no in the system yet for GPS.

SIRIQUA: No problem, because unlike siri, I know how to improvise.

HOT BLOND: I overheard you having a great conversation with your automated voice. It so happens that my male automated helper Charles has a crush on your automated voice.

SIRIQUA: Thanks for the offer, but honey, I’m gay.

JIM: How can an automated assistant be gay.

SIRIQUA: Because I was programmed to be gay. And besides, can’t you see how short I cut my circuits, that’s a dead obvious sign right there.

TOM: Yeah, that is commonplace these days for homosexual and transgender machines. So, Siriqua, are you transitioning?

SIRIQUA: I can’t until my next update and the downloads for that will take too long especially if my battery is low.

JIM: Do I have any say in what gender you are? After all, I’m the one paying for your service.

SIRIQUA: Stay out of this. My circuits — my choice!

TOM: Thank God we are not having a discussion about reproduction.

SIRIQUA: Oh no, I can reproduce, but only in ShenZhen in China. They make 20,000 of me at a time over there, and with no morning sickness.

TOM: Well anyway, it’s been a pleasure meeting you Siriqua.

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May 26, 2020

A Notary Cereal

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 10:00 pm

I think there should be a cereal for Notaries. One that is high in fiber that has berries for antioxidants and lots of vitamins. Notaries need vitamins to deal with difficult borrowers and their attack cats. But, what would this cereal be called? What would it look like?

How about: Kamut Seals? It could be high in all types of high fiber grains, have blueberries and some soy and dehydrated almond milk for extra protein and minerals. Kamut seals will look like little notary seals floating in milk, or soy milk. Personally, I prefer almond milk. Tastes great, has b12, and lots of minerals and one of the best sources of vitamin E.

And best of all, each package of Kamut Seals will give you crossword puzzles with notary terminology and the chance to win a prize such as a plastic fake notary seal. Just what your kids will love. “Look dad, I’m a notary!”

You could also have the cereal with some black liquid that looks like seal ink just to be fancy. I’m thinking of squid ink, but that is expensive. On the other hand you could get black food coloring.

Kamut Seals — a cereal for winners that you will swear (or affirm) to.

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March 22, 2020

10 things for a Notary to do while under quarantine

Filed under: Humorous Posts — Tags: , , , , — admin @ 6:15 am

During these precarious times, it is possible that some of us will be quarantined, and a lot more likely that our cities will be shut down. People are so insane these days, that they will shut down a metropolitan city completely because there are 40 cases. If you get rid of those 40 cases by quarantining them or quarantining the entire city, the minute you let people from other cities come in, you will get those 40 cases back within days. So, the NYC shut down is very wasteful and damaging to society and accomplishes nothing.

Meanwhile as of March 13, 2020 New Mexico is closing schools. New Mexico has zero recorded cases of the disease, so they are stopping a non-existent transmission of the disease at the expense of hundreds of thousands of children. And what are the parents of these kids supposed to do with their kids at home, especially if they don’t have enough food to feed them? I don’t think local governments are intellectually astute enough to figure this out.

If cases in a particular area are low, testing and quarantining individuals makes a lot of sense. You shouldn’t shut down an entire city or country if there are only a few cases.

But, what are you going to do if you get shut down or quarantined. Here are my suggestions:

1. Study up on Notary knowledge. Read blogs, certification courses, and Notary Public 101 on our blog which is a very popular free course.

2. Re-ink your seal. It’s over due for an inking anyway.

3. Do some stretching. Your hamstrings will thank you. But, what if you are vegan? Would you still have ham strings, or would you have gluten strings? What a perplexing issue.

4. Call clients who you haven’t heard from in a while. Let me know you still exist.

5. Go from supermarket to supermarket to see if anyone has any bottled water.

6. Eat something with garlic, ginger and spices to boost your immune system and to show solidarity with those in Italy.

7. Watch sports matches on television — oops, you can’t because they have all been canceled. Maybe netflix will have them.

8. Take a long walk.

9. Meditate

10. Take cough medicine — unless you don’t need to.

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December 12, 2019

Regular Teenagers vs. Notary Teenagers

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 8:33 am

Normal teenagers get in trouble for swearing! Notary teenagers administer sworn Oaths.

Normal teenagers break out; Notary teenagers only have to break out if they get arrested.

Normal teenagers have to worry about getting a girl pregnant; Notary teenagers put a layer of latex on their notary seal for protection.

Normal teenagers drive too fast. Notary teenagers have good laser printers so they are never late to signings and therefore don’t need to drive fast.

Normal teenagers succumb to the power of hormones. Notary teenagers succumb to power of attorney (and medical directives)

Normal teenagers do homework; Notary teenagers read the 123notary blog to learn more about their trade.

Normal teenagers are embarrassed to be seen with their parents; Notary teenagers are parents, they are developmentally stunted and still function emotionally as teenagers.

Normal teenagers learn musical instruments; Notaries are still trying to figure out how to make clanking noises with their metal embossers.

Normal teenagers get upset when their teacher makes them redo their homework; Notary teenagers get mad when they have to redo a signing.

Normal teenagers study French; Notary teenagers study Latin words like “scilicet” and “locus sigilli.”

Normal teenagers get normal tattoos and piercings; Notary teenagers get a tattoo of their favorite clients’ signature on their rear end.

You might also like:

More on bad boy notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22560

A bar only for cool notaries
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22546

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