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July 7, 2019

Notary vs. Hitman: Dollars per minute

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 2:47 am

Have you ever stopped to think about the pay differential between a Notary and a hit man? Notaries are always complaining that they don’t get paid enough and don’t get any respect. You would get respect if you were a hit man though. You could even advertise on one of those hit man websites.

Hit man profile (fictional… of course!)
I am responsible and reliable. Once you hire me the job is as good as done. I always confirm my appointments, show up on time, and hire a professional cleaner who I call, “Da cleanuh.” All I ask is to be paid on time, otherwise you might end up being on my list of assignments… capiche? Just make sure you include a return FeDex package with every assignment, and let me know if the job has any special considerations or if you want me to do the job in a particular special way. I’m experienced with guns, knives, clubs, bats, maces, machetes, numchucks, strangulation (for an additional fee), and more. Long distance no problem and we specialize in bilingual hits. Hablamos Espanol y Italiano. Additionally, if you hired the wrong guy to save money and he left work uncompleted, I do clean ups as well.

If you don’t pay a Notary, they just sit and whine. But, if you don’t pay a hit man, guess what happens. Hit men get respect — Notaries don’t. Of course Notaries spend less time in jail in general unless you are like Harry who engaged in Real Estate fraud using his Notary seal – don’t be like Harry.

A Notary can make $20 to $40 average per hour doing signings depending on what the job is, and how far it is. But, a hit man might get $50,000 for a job that might take a few hours to plan and an hour to “execute.” There is more risk involved, and probably more skill. But, look at the bright side, as a hit man, you don’t have to deal with the county recorder or the IRS! A hit man’s salary could be computed as $100 per minute if you work out the math. A good hit man only needs to do two or three jobs per year and the rest of the year can be taken off lounging at an Italian villa, or in a not so Italian jail cell. Such an efficient use of time.

So, the basic break down is 50 cents a minute being a Notary vs. $100 per minute being a hit man with possible jail time. Which do you choose? But, there’s more. Hit men end up in hell making it not worth it no matter what they get paid. Notaries go to whiners purgatory where they whine about not getting paid, but at least don’t get burned in scalding oil every day. So, you are better off being a Notary, so try to learn to be good at it.

You might also like:

How far do you push for payment terms?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22590

Payment for jail notary service
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22145

Notarizing the Mafia at a gelato place
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22163

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July 5, 2019

The evolution of American commerce and Snapdocs

Filed under: Advertising — admin @ 2:41 am

In the old days, America used to have lots of mom & pop stores owned by regular American families. As demographics changed, these stores more and more got bought out by Jews, Koreans, Pakistanis, Palestinians, etc. And then as the chain stores took popularity due to their centralized and efficient management, the mom & pop stores had a harder time staying in business and most got absorbed or put under by the chain stores.

SnapDocs is doing the same thing. They have provided a very efficient way of doing business where inefficient service providers are being weeded out. Additionally, other directories like us are losing a lot of market share. Our search results are still vastly superior to SnapDocs, but the millennial users care tremendously about convenience and don’t care about quality probably because they can’t comprehend what quality is, especially if it takes more than three (consecutive) seconds to think about.

On a brighter note for those of us competing against SnapDocs, I have been hearing that their members are getting almost no work. So, maybe there is hope for the rest of us. Maybe they will fizzle out and live, but live small.

Additionally, SnapDocs has weeded out a lot of Notaries who are not that bad, who are just not as fast on the draw as the others. SnapDocs rewards you for being an iPhone slinger. If you are the Jesse James or Clint Eastwood of the Notary industry, you might cut it with SnapDocs. But, if you have to think before you draw — forget about it. Remember — the next signing is for Indio and his men. You can listen to the twangy melody from an antiquated music box as you imagine finally slaying Zapata as you draw for your iPhone the next time you get a text. The same melody that Zapata forced you to listen to as he slayed your family — remember that movie? Drop your iPhones and reach for the sky hombres!

The main thing to remember is that if you don’t want to be phased out, be a quality notary. Be at the top of your skill set, put a lot in your notes section, and do your maximum, not your minimum like the other 99.5% of Notaries who hide behind their years of experience instead of being evidence of real knowledge.

You might also like:

123notary vs. Snapdocs, Verizon vs. AT&T
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21258

What Notaries don’t like about Snapdocs
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21246

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July 4, 2019

Notarization at a Subway

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 2:38 am

NOTARY: What a long drive. But, I’m here. Are you ready?

FRANK: I don’t normally work at this branch of Subway, I’m just “subbing”.

NOTARY: Oh, then can you grade my paper? It’s an Affidavit.

FRANK: There’s a spelling mistake in line two.

NOTARY: Really? And what about your Affidavit. Is it ready?

FRANK: It’s right here.

NOTARY: Would you like onions with your notarization, and would you like to make it a combo?

FRANK: Does it come with chips and a drink for another $2.25.

NOTARY: I actually have Fanta in the car. That helps me get better reviews. Being a Notary these days is not far from being an Uber driver except that we don’t have to vacuum our car as much… or ever.

FRANK: Got it. I’ll sign… Are you watching?

NOTARY: Watching. Your hands are clean right? No mayo or chipotle sauce on your fingers, right?

FRANK: Too late. Please affix your stamp there.

NOTARY: Please sign my journal first… Good… Now it’s time for recess.

FRANK: Recess?

NOTARY: You’re “subbing”, right?

FRANK: Oh, yeah… right.

You might also like:

Compilation of posts about notary restaurant themes
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=17442

The Starbucks Oath questions
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21001

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July 3, 2019

Astrology of America good for business but not for relationships

Filed under: General Stories — admin @ 2:30 am

My astrologer used to tell me that the chart of America is all about business which gives rise to the phrase that: “The business of America is business.” I guess we incorporated at a lucky date, time, and geographical place. It all makes sense. But, America is terrible for relationships, unless you have a relationship with your business partner.

Look at how we live. We work all the time. We are always chasing dollars. And our relationships are falling apart. When we are in our early twenties, we might spend time chasing relationships then since we value it so much. But, after that, we get fat, forget about relationships unless we already have one, and just work work work. I’m happy that we live in America and not Venezuela which is completely bankrupt and people are rioting on the streets starving and without services. But seriously, we are out of balance. We need to invest more in social cohesion and health, and less on work.

This is a problem for me too. I used to be a very social person. Now I am grumpy. I hardly ever go to parties, and if the party isn’t up to my finicky
standards, I leave very quickly. My patience for chasing something that is never going to happen has worn out — possibly for the better. But, without being open to a social life, you won’t have one, and that is my situation now. My relationships have dried up. And with my new and unreasonable standards it is hard to find new friends. I have these odd demands that you should be a decent person, not do drugs and not hang out with unsavory company — that narrows it down around here. No wonder I have no friends.

Maybe we all need to live more simply and eat more cabbage and potatoes. Maybe we need to live in communes and grow our own cabbage and potatoes… and possibly tomatoes as well although I am divided on that point. Maybe a simpler, semi-tribal communal life would be better for the planet. Less polluting, less crime, less loneliness, and less traffic.

But, the bottom line as always is that Notaries need to take charge of their finances. Even though you are in the best country for business in the world, you are almost all broke because you mismanage your money, and your lives. Learn to save, invest, and also invest in your notarial future by getting more skills, more certifications and more knowledge. Some people do this, but few people do this up to my standards. Conversely, I think I need to slow down and do more for my social life and for my health. I tend to over do when it comes to work, and that leads to less time for the things that really matter.

You might also like:

The Lonely Italian – a parody on a movie done in a notary context
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15842

The iPhone crisis
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22533

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July 2, 2019

A millennial self-identifies as being a Notary Public.

Filed under: Humorous Posts — admin @ 2:27 am

TEACHER: Now, class, as we all know, we are all little snowflakes now aren’t we?

CLASS: Yes teacher

TEACHER: And we don’t have to be responsible about anything in life because the world owes us a living. Anyone who criticizes us is bad because they might offend or hurt our feelings which is the worst thing of all. Now class, we must all be sensitive to how people identify. Let’s go around the class.

SHELLIE: I self-identify as being a male police man.

TODD: I just came back from a trip to India, and my nuts were sore from the car bouncing on the bumpy roads in the mountains. Such unbelievable pain. I bet you have had similar problems being a man, right?

SHELLIE: Excuse me?

TODD: You mean your nuts have never hurt?

SHELLIE: I don’t have those yet. I’m transitioning dummie.

FRANK: I self-identify with being a Notary Public.

TODD: Oh good, how much is it to get an Affidavit of copy of transcript notarized?

FRANK: What’s an Affidavit?

TODD: It is a document you notarize… That’s what Notaries do you know. Do you have a stamp and a Notary commission?

FRANK: I think we have to stand up to this type of harassment. My feelings are hurt!

TODD: Have you filed your Oath and Bond with the county clerk?

FRANK: What’s a bond?

SHIMON: I self-identify as being a sephardic cantor.

TODD: Can you sing me some lines from what you sing in shul?

SHIMON: Oh yeah… (sings very Moroccan sounding Hebrew prayers and sways from side to side.)

TODD: Just out of curiousity, did you start out as a Sephardic cantor, or did you transition into it?

SHIMON: I had to go to school to learn to become a cantor. You can’t “cant” unless you study.

TODD: Did you have to study to become Sephardic?

SHIMON: You kind of have to be born into that, but it’s complicated. To be of a tribe, your affiation is based on the father, but your religion based on the mother.

SHELLIE: What about your sexual identity — is that based on your mother’s lineage or your father’s?

SHIMON: I’ll have to think about that. Have a nice evening and Shalom!

You might also like:

Millennial Notaries and gender roles
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22535

The ADD culture and marketing your notary listing
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22309

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July 1, 2019

Will the next election help our Notary industry?

Filed under: General Articles — admin @ 2:27 am

Disclaimer — this blog was written for entertainment purposes only and we by no means think that Marco Rubio wants to increase red tape in any way shape or form. Those types of statements were made in jest only as it relates to our Notary industry.

Is there a future for the notary industry? It is so slow I ask myself this regularly. I’ve seen ups, and I’ve seen downs. But, this down seems like something that ain’t never gonna end! But, maybe Marco Rubio will help. Maybe he will be our next president. He’s smart, and people tend to like him.

Campaign speech addressing (fictional)
Hi, My name is Marco Rubio, and I am running for the office of President of the United States of America. If I am elected, I will do everything in my power (and perhaps a few things not in my power as well) to ensure that there will be more refinances, reverse mortgages, HELOC, and debt consolidations. Additionally, I will raise requirements on various type of transactions requiring more types of legal documents to be notarized before they can be accepted by their respected custodian. This means more jobs for Notaries Public. The American Notary Public has been suffering financially for years, and I intend to create lots of extra red tape and paperwork for them to benefit from in the form of notary appointments. Remember my fellow Notaries — red tape is a dirty word to some, but to American Notaries, it should be a word of liberation, because your whole career is based on processing of documents that constitute red tape. And to all the audience members out there, I brought you a token of my appreciate of the American Notary Public. I bestow all of thee with… a complimentary mini-roll of red tape with the inscription — Marco Rubio for President. Something for you to remember me by.

In any case, having a new president or an election could create a stir in our waning industry. I wonder what will actually happen. Can I get into a time machine, consult my psychic, or should I just wait and find out?

You might also like:

Feast or famine in the notary business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21224

Experienced signers are being weeded out of the notary business
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16747

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June 25, 2019

What is so critical about crossing out the he/she/they?

Filed under: Technical & Legal — admin @ 12:17 pm

FAQ of the day

The he-she-they being filled out is important because if someone fraudulently adds a name to the certificate making the people involved a they and no longer a he or a she, then it makes it a lot easier to make sense of the “he said/she said/they said” that will ensue.

You might also like:

A Los Angeles detective seizes someone’s journal and complains about a blurry thumbprint.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22237

Penalties for notary misconduct
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21315

13 ways to get sued as a notary
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19614

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June 24, 2019

A lot of info I knew but forgot about says one 123notary client

Filed under: Marketing Articles — admin @ 12:18 pm

One Notary was reading one of my instructional tutorials on 123notary. He claimed that there was a lot of information that he used to know but had forgotten about. He was very happy that I had published Notary Public 101 as that was a great opportunity for him to review his Notary knowledge. Personally, my brain is not good at acquiring new information. I have to read over information again and again and again, and then review it periodically over time for the information to solidify and sink in. I very rarely forget Notary information that I have learned unless it is very technical, and California notary law can get very technical.

But, other people are not like this. Other people learn their stuff and then forget most of what they have learned slowly over time. This is why I think it is critical to maintain your knowledge and keep studying and reviewing your technical knowledge. So, the minute you think you know it all, that’s the same minute you need to review!

You might also like:

Beginner Notary 103 – gaining industry knowledge
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=21118

Does knowledge matter any more as a signing agent?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19887

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June 11, 2019

A Los Angeles detective seizes two journals and complains about a blurry thumbprint

Filed under: Notary Mistakes — admin @ 10:14 pm

Yes people, it really happened. A Los Angeles Notary notarized the wrong person. That person was committing some type of fraud. The next thing you know, some detectives were banging on her door. She had to let them have two of her journals. But, that was not good enough for the detectives. They went through a long whining session.

One of the thumbprints taken by the Notary was blurry. How can you do forensics on a blurry thumbprint? Why was that Notary so lazy that they could not take a proper thumbprint? It’s not rocket science — you just push down — and that’s it. Take thumb, press down in ink pad, rise thumb, press straight down on journal thumbprint designated space, feel good, that’s all.

Then on another journal entry, there was no thumbprint, and trust me, the detectives complained a whole lot about that.

So, if you are Notaries and say, “You’re being too picky Jeremy, and besides, my state doesn’t require that.” There are real reasons why I make the recommendations that I do, and it is not just to give you a hard time. You can get in real trouble without thumbprints and proper journal work. Don’t let it happen to you.

You might also like:

Why keep a journal? Don’t wait until you get a call from the FBI.
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19377

All Mortgage fraud is investigated by the FBI
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20995

Scenarios – the FBI is at your door and wants your journal
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=20013

Do you keep a journal to please the NNA, the FBI, or yourself?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19483

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June 3, 2019

I’m a high end Notary in a low ball world

Filed under: General Articles — admin @ 11:24 pm

Are you a highbrow Notary in a low-brow world, or a high-end Notary in a low-ball world? join the club. There are lots of Notaries out there with tons of experience who have a lot of trouble getting paid well or getting work at all. On the other hand, there is what I call the double bell curve effect in the Notary world. There are lots of new Notaries, lots of mega-experience Notaries, but not so many people in the middle.

The problem as I see it is that there are many Notaries who perceive themselves as being high-end simply because they have experience. They hide behind their years of experience to compensate for the fact that they cannot explain a single Notary act and don’t have a clue how to deal with many common Notary situations. Another problem is that in today’s economy there are too many Notaries and too few jobs. With Snapdocs, if you are not fast to respond to texts you will be put lower on the text order algorithm and might stop getting offers altogether. So, how can you win during these desperate times? The answer is that there are no guarantees. However, being high end in virtue instead of high end in claim will help you a whole lot more. What do I mean?

I recently emailed about 150 notaries regarding their certification. I wanted them to study and quiz again at no cost. Half of them emailed me back and the other half did not. The ones that emailed me back did not read the email carefully. They omitted to read the part that said they had to study a lot. So, I responded to people one by one reminding them (the same way you remind children) that you have to study. I only got four requests from people who had studied sufficiently, and most of those four passed. What about the other 150? Why are people so stubborn, lazy, ignorant and uncooperative? If you can’t pass our certification test (which is really hard these days) then you are NOT a high end Notary. You are only a poser and a chump.

Additionally, getting more reviews on your profile will attract browsers, and so will having a well written notes section. To sum it up, a lot of expertise goes into being a Notary, but less than 1% of the people on our site have that knowledge or have any interest in acquiring that knowledge. This whole industry has turned low-end on me and I’m getting really sick of it. Even if it gets you nowhere, there is a certain dignity and professionalism in knowing your stuff. So please do so.

You might also like:

Experienced signers are being weeded out of the industry
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=16747

Travel fees if nothing gets signed
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22578

Why are the fees offered to us so low you ask?
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=22293

10 rules for negotiating notary fees
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=19620

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