Welcome to the Notary Zoo!
After visiting the Notary Zoo for the first time, I noticed that things were a little “different” there. There were animals that didn’t exist in real life, and situations that were often opposite of what they normally were.
Before entering the zoo, right before the entrance, you see a huge venue carved into the granite floor. The venue says, “State of California, County of Los Angeles.” I’m glad the zoo helps me remember where I am because at that place, it’s easy to forget. Then, I went to pay my entrance fee. There was a huge sign saying that all customers needed to “personally appear” before the ticket seller with the seal of approval, who won the crowd’s approval after the seal juggled a ball on its nose. I needed to produce positive identification, asked how much it was to visit the zoo, and the clerk said it depended on how many signatures I wanted. I wanted admittance for just myself, which would be one signature at $10 per signature. The lady stamped my ticket and let me in.
As Trump might say, the zoo was “huge.”
There were walkways going every which direction. To the left I saw the Juratffs. I had never seen a Juratff before. I asked what I was supposed to do there, and the guard said that people swear at this animal all day long. So, I said, “I solemnly swear blah blah blah.” But, the juratff ignored me and kept eating leaves. At least he stuck his neck out for me. In the next exhibit down the corridor I saw a giant refrigerator with a sign saying, “How can you fit a juratff in a refrigerator?” Then a baby juratff waltzed in the refrigerator, stuck its neck out the hole in the top, and munched on some low hanging leaves.
Don’t feed the Notaries
Next, there was an area where some Notaries were hanging around. The visitors were led down an underground passage and then up some stairs into a huge cage that had a sign: “Don’t feed the Notaries.” The Notaries just went about their business and ignored the tourists’ constant taunts and whistling. The Notaries sat at desks, walked around, ID’d people and stamped pieces of paper. I didn’t understand the logic of this as they were notarizing other Notaries and not getting paid. Later on I learned that this was some sort of an asylum for people who were convinced that they were Notaries, but never passed the state Notary exam for reasons unknown. They were NOTaries.
The next exhibit had a Notary comedian. Not only was there an applause sign. There was an applause signer.
He started cracking jokes. “How do you define a loose acknowledgment? It’s an acknowledgement that attaches itself to different documents — on the first date before it even knows your first name — at least the first name on your ID.” Then our comedian friend made another joke about pastry. “I just found out that a Mexican wedding cake is exactly the same thing as a Russian tea cake. They are both two inches wide and made from shortbread. I guess one man’s tea is another man’s wedding!”
An exhibit for Notarial owls.
They just sat in the tree all day long saying, “Hoo — is the signer?” Next to the owls was the judge from Noternity court who said, “Who is the signer? Who is the Notary? We’ve examined the DNA evidence and handwriting analysis and you ARE the Notary!”
The aquarium was next on my list.
I went down a dark hallway into a pitch black room, turned a corner, and then I was in the Notary Aquarium. I saw a guy swimming in the tank in a three piece suit with a briefcase. I asked the guard why the sharks don’t eat him. The guard replied, “Professional courtesy — that guy’s an Attorney.” Then I saw another guy wearing a suit who just got his leg bitten off by another shark. Blood was filling the tank. I looked at the guard and he said, “That one’s a Mortgage Broker. He’s the one who asked people to backdate, and didn’t pay his Notaries on time.” It cost him a leg if not an arm. I journeyed into the next room in the aquarium and saw a bizarre looking fish. It looked like a hammerhead, but on closer inspection it was a stampfish. His head looked like a huge rectangular Notary stamp. I said to the guard, “It’s too bad there is no paperfish that the stampfish can stamp.” The guard said, “Where there is one around here, there will be a squid just waiting to donate some of his precious ink so the underwater Notarization could happen.” Then, lo and behold, a paperfish appeared from nowhere. Instead of stamping the paperfish, the stampfish took a bite out of it. I asked the guard what happened. The guard informed me that the stampfish was offended that the paperfish hadn’t been signed and dated — this was his way of voicing his underwater displeasure. Then I saw another stampfish who looked like he was high. The guard explained that he had a constant supply of really good sea-weed, and one or two bites of that will get you very high. On my way out of the aquarium there was a huge underwater building. The sign on the building said underwater county recorder. Inside the building there was a huge line of stamp fish. My only thought at this point is — I hope these stampfish have waterproof journals!
On my way toward the exit I saw some lions swearing under Oath. Lyin’ and swearing to uphold the truth – Isn’t that an oxymoron? Then I saw some sheep being sheepish about their loan signing. But they couldn’t pull their wool over my eyes. There was a huge section where there were boars that specialized in 400 page signings where you read every page. It nearly boared me to death. And finally a bobcat who swore under Oath that he was legally Robert Cat.
Finally, I went to the aviary.
That place is for the birds! I saw some birds signing a health directive so they could fight against avarian cancer. I tried to explain that it is o-varian cancer, but they claimed that there are certain types of cancer that only birds get in their old age. Then, an eagle swooped down to avoid one of the guards who was trying to ID him for the Patriot Act.
In any case. I enjoyed the zoo. It was fun. I was slightly disappointed that I couldn’t get a souvenir of a waterproof journal in the gift shop, but maybe next year.
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You might also like:
Welcome to the Notary Casino
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15255
Scribbles: A Notary Comedy Club
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15258
Notary Aptitude Test
http://blog.123notary.com/?p=15853
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Bounced Checks, Collection Agencies, FBI reports: Learn which companies are involved!
Bounced Checks, Collection Agencies, FBI reports…
For some of you, this is old information that you have already been following. However, many notaries do not have time to read everything that goes on on the forum, and this news about signing companies will be of interest and a convenience to them! It is hard for me to keep up with what is going on on the forums on a daily basis, but I have noticed that a lot of bad things happened in September 2011. There were a few loan signing companies that had a reasonable reputation that suddenly stopped paying notaries. One or more companies was reported to be out of business. I am going to summarize the more important events of the last month or two here. I will only mention the more noteworthy signing companies here.
All Service Notary & Signings
Sept 16 – A notary gives up on trying to collect their bill and hands it over to a collection agency. Additionally, this notary reports the signing company to a credit bureau! Another notary reports trouble getting paid from this company. A third notary says, that after a long time, they finally received their check — but, that was in early August. The situation looks like it has deteriorated since then.
CRES Closers
One notary says that they are the BEST to work for! Another says they met his fee and that they were great to work for. A third notary claims that they sent payment super fast! Wow, it is nice to hear good things about a signing company these days!
Equifax Settlement Services
One notary got paid, but says the company says that they will take THREE MONTHS to pay for jobs in the future because they have to wait until the loans fund. Another notary discusses the letter they sent to the BBB about this company. A third notary discusses the difference in what this company offers different notaries for the same work. One gets $85, while another is offered $125!
FASS – First American Signature Services
Notaries are complaining, but not about payment issues. One notary was taken off the list because FASS found a less expensive notary. Back in 2010, FASS took over service for a big Title company and dropped the notary who had been servicing the signings for that Title company. Another notary feels that they were treated rudely after some sort of argument about “quality issues”. Although there is a lot of complaining going on here, I don’t see any wrongdoing on the part of FASS. They are just shopping around to find the best notaries for them — and trying to get high quality service as well. America is a free country and nobody is obligated to keep the same notary for life.
Final Link
Three notaries have complained that this company doesn’t do a good job of getting back to people. Not returning calls, etc.
First Preference Signing
Four notaries all claim in unison that this is the best company that they have ever worked for.
Harvard Abstract
Three notaries are claiming that this company is easy to work for and that they pay quickly.
HVR Notaries
Two notaries claim that this is a good company to work for. One says, “They met my fee”, which is a very good sign these days with all the low balling.
Insured Closings
Notaries claim that there have been several reports of BOUNCED CHECKS from this company. Watch out!
National Loan Closers
This company is reported to be asking for $25 to keep notaries on their list. This is causing a lot of disturbance in the notary world. Notaries feel that companies should be paying them, and not vice versa.
Nations Direct
We have gotten many complaints about low-balling and micromanagement. One notary’s signing was interrupted by a phone call, where she was asked if she was using a blue pen. On the other hand, it is prudent for a signing company who uses many newer notaries to call and check up on people. Obviously, many of the notaries they hired screwed up and ruined many loans which is the reason for all of the babysitting. Please try to look at things from the signing company’s perspective. They are trying to get the job done. Also see: Nations Direct has been around for more than a decade!
Nowclosings.com
Many notaries are claiming that this is one of the BEST signing companies they have ever worked for.
N3 Notary
A few notaries are complaining that company has badgered them too much during their signings.
Pacific Document Services
Checks that they sent out have allegedly gotten LOST in the mail. One notary has filed an official complaint with the FBI to try to get this company shut down. Another notary received a check that BOUNCED. This is one of the most serious cases I have seen all year! The opinions expressed here are the opinions of particular notaries and not of 123notary.com.
Safir Signing Agents
Multiple notaries are complaining about no-pay and SLOW-PAY.
Service Link
This company has lowered their fees, and we have had many complaints from notaries about LOW-BALLING from this company.
Superior Closings
The people that run this company have been functioning under four different business names over the course of time. They are reported to be out of business now.
The Notary Biz
Many notaries are discussing whether or not this company is still in business. One notary had a discussion with the owner who claimed that they were no longer in business.
The R&R Group
Several notaries are complaining about non-payment, and one is owed $375 by this company
Trans State Services
Many notaries are really happy with this company. Good working conditions and timely pay!
Vital Signings
This company has a good payment record, but many notaries are complaining that there are too many steps involved in the signing process and a lot of babysitting.
Tweets:
(1) Here is a list of companies that bounced checks, had FBI reports, or were notorious late payers to notaries!