I was watching a lecture on spirituality by a Rabbi and he talked about Tikkun Ha Olam which means fixing the world. But, I heard him wrong and thought he said Ha Olam Tikkun which might mean the world where people fix themselves spiritually or in other ways. I am not educated in Hebrew grammar and there is no such term, so forgive me if my translation is not correct.
So, I googled the term Ha Olam Tikkun and found results only for Tikkun Ha Olam and decided to make a comedy sketch about this confusion.
In the sketch, I want to find the world of tikkun, so being a modern person, I Google it. I was in such a hurry, I neglected to see that the results were all for Tikkun Ha Olam (fixing the world) which was not what I was looking for. The search results gave an address on Beverly. So, I walked a few blocks up to Beverly and found the place.
ME: Hi ladies, I’m looking for Ha Olam Tikkun, because I want to find a place or a world where people fix their tikkun or their karma.
LADY 1: Hey kid, you got the wrong joint. This is Tikkun Ha Olam. We fix the world over here.
ME: Oh, do you put a band aid on it or something?
LADY 2: No, we try to fix the world, issue by issue. Our issue, womens’ rights at least for today. Tomorrow we’re going to handle transgender rights.
ME: So, where do I find Ha Olam Tikkun then?
LADY 1: My suggestion — look within. You want to do some inner healing — definitely look within.
LADY 2: I think he is looking more for a world or community where people fix themselves spiritually, but outside of Temple Beth-El which closed down years ago…. very kabbalistic place, there is no such place in this realm. So, my suggestion — try meditating really hard and go down to the underworld. There are many etherial realms down there. Some of them you can talk to talking animals. There are portals to other realms and tunnels, so you might find your realm down there. Shamans say that if you can’t find the real down there, you can build it.
LADY 1: On second thought, if the looking within thing doesn’t pan out — try Melrose. They have everything over there.
ME: Interesting suggestions.
So, I walked through the park and saw some orthodox guys.
ME: Hey guys. I’m looking for Ha Olam Tikkun. Google says Beverly, but Siri says Melrose. Any take on this matter?
ORTHODOX GUY: Melrose, but go during happy hour. You get a free glass of kosher wine with every two orders or tapas, and the service is great. And you’ll meet lots of people who are studying Kabbalah and working on their inner self.
ME: That sounds great. But, I don’t have an inner self. At least I don’t think I do.
ORTHODOX GUY: Do you have a neshemah or nefesh?
ME: I think I was born without that, but I definitely have a Ruach.
ORTHODOX GUY: That’s the next best thing. You better get there now before happy hour is over.
Meanwhile at the tapas bar.
HOSTESS: Welcome to Ha Olam Tikkun Tapas Bar! Would you like a table?
ME: Definitely. Do you have any good Rioja tintos?
HOSTESS: Definitely and they were blessed by a local rabbi.
ME: Oh, does he charge by the bottle or by the blessing collectively?
HOSTESS: Not sure, but I think he gives group rates.
NANCY: I just love this place. My Rabbi says I am too arrogant and I need to work on that. But is that a tikkun or teshuva?
SIMON: I think it is a little of both. My Rabbi says I think too much. Maybe I should smoke a joint. Marijuana makes you think a lot less.
ME: Bad idea, but I love the way you think.
SHELLY: My Rabbi says I am not arrogant enough and too humble.
SIMON: (busts out laughing) That’s insane. We all need to be more humble.
ME: Well maybe she’s too humble and doesn’t know when she’s right. That can be a problem. I used to be like that. I think we all need to even ourselves out to attain perfection. But, in the mean time, I’ll have some of those patatas bravos, I guess since this is a kosher place the scallops and shrimp will not be an option, so the sea bass with aioli, and a nice tempranillo. Perfect.
WAITRESS: Coming right up. I’ll swim back with your bass.
ME: Honey, you can kiss my bass…. I love food that is low key.
WAITRESS: Me too. Too bad we don’t have sea cellos.
ME: I heard they are working on it.
MORAL
The moral(s) of this story is/are that for every two Jews there are at least three opinions AND, if you have a spiritual problem, forget about this looking within crap, and get some kosher tapas while working out your karmic imperfections at Ha Olam Tikkun during happy hours!
